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bot commands - shen

a guest Oct 27th, 2015 86 Never
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  1. on *:TEXT:!commands:#: { //msg $chan || Bot Commands: http://pastebin.com/tSsyBG35 & http://pastebin.com/aCye9nez || }
  2. on *:TEXT:!bear*:#: { describe $chan throws a bear at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  3. on *:TEXT:!table*:#: { describe $chan flips a table at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  4. on *:TEXT:!comb*:#: { describe $chan combs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  5. on *:TEXT:!whisky*:#: { describe $chan pours $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a double whisky }
  6. on *:TEXT:!glomp*:#: { describe $chan glomps $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) from behind! }
  7. on *:TEXT:!pollen*:#: { describe $chan collects some premium pollen for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  8. on *:TEXT:!jamba*:#: { describe $chan builds a massive jamba for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  9. on *:TEXT:!bucket*:#: { describe $chan prepares the bucket for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  10. on *:TEXT:!pancakes*:#: { describe $chan sends $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a large stack of pancakes! }
  11. on *:TEXT:!doobie*:#: { describe $chan flings a big stinky doobie over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  12. on *:TEXT:!tickle*:#: { describe $chan tickles $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) till they giggle! }
  13. on *:TEXT:!spank*:#: { describe $chan spanks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) hard! }
  14. on *:TEXT:!quiche*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a large slice of ham and cheese quiche! }
  15. on *:TEXT:!brick*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a beautiful Red Brick }
  16. on *:TEXT:!rose*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a beautiful Red Rose }
  17. on *:TEXT:!pineapple*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a big spikey pineapple! }
  18. on *:TEXT:!sing*:#: { describe $chan sings along with $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  19. on *:TEXT:!bite*:#: { describe $chan bites $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) hard }
  20. on *:TEXT:!burger*:#: { describe $chan gives a half-pounder burger to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  21. on *:TEXT:!cider*:#: { describe $chan gives a bottle of cider to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  22. on *:TEXT:!rum*:#: { describe $chan gives a flagon of rum to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  23. on *:TEXT:welcome home beata*:#: { describe $chan gives Beata a glass of Vodka and a cheesecake }
  24. on *:TEXT:welcome home hawky*:#: { describe $chan gives Hawky a cold beer and a hash pipe }
  25. on *:TEXT:welcome home geth*:#: { describe $chan gives Geth a cold beer with a red diesel chaser }
  26. on *:TEXT:welcome home lorlormoo*:#: { describe $chan gives LorLorMoo a hot chocolate and a big hug }
  27. on *:TEXT:welcome home joe*:#: { describe $chan gives JoePinball a coffee and a spliff! }
  28. on *:TEXT:welcome home mary*:#: { describe $chan gives Mary a double whisky and some french onion soup }
  29. on *:TEXT:welcome home distemper*:#: { describe $chan gives Distemper a spliff and a reach around }
  30. on *:TEXT:!collapse*:#: { describe $chan crushes $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) to a size smaller than their Schwarzschild radius, turning them into a micro black hole. }
  31. on *:TEXT:!comet*:#: { describe $chan redirects a Comet at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as it ends all life on their world while depositing new material that will eventually evolve and claim the planet as its own }
  32. on *:TEXT:snore:#: { //msg $chan is that Geth i hear? }
  33. on *:TEXT:!sleep*:#: { describe $chan tucks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into bed and reads them a bedtime story }
  34. on *:TEXT:!frieball*:#: { describe $chan flings hot fried egg balls at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  35. on *:TEXT:!snore*:#: { describe $chan records $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) snoring and uploads it for all to hear! }
  36. on *:TEXT:!bouncer*:#: { describe $chan watches the bouncers remove $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) from the room by force }
  37. on *:TEXT:!star *:#: { describe $chan gives a gold star to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  38. on *:TEXT:!star:#: { describe $chan gives a gold star to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  39.  
  40. on *:TEXT:!pug*:#: { describe $chan curses all the games $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) plays with bad pugs! }
  41. on *:TEXT:!pasta*:#: { describe $chan summons the Flying Spaghetti Monster to bless $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with His Noodly Appendage! }
  42. on *:TEXT:!point*:#: { describe $chan points at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ !  }
  43. on *:TEXT:!snog*:#: { describe $chan snogs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) passionately! }
  44. on *:TEXT:!asshole*:#: { describe $chan launches $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into an Asshole! Where they... well i'm sure you can imagine it's not something that needs to be described... }
  45. on *:TEXT:!leeroy*:#: { describe $chan watches in awe as $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) charges into a lair at the front of his group screaming "LEEROYYYY JENKINS!" and dies, leaving $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) $+ , $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) to fend for themselves, unprepared. }
  46. on *:TEXT:!torpedo*:#: { describe $chan launches a full barrage of torpedoes at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ !  Direct Hit! }
  47. on *:TEXT:!volcano*:#: { describe $chan drops $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into an active volcano as a sacrifice to the Gods! }
  48. on *:TEXT:!bong*:#: { describe $chan prepares the Big Bong for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  49. on *:TEXT:!blackhole*:#: { describe $chan launches $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into a Black Hole! They are slowly stretched into spaghetti until one day, millions of years later, they are reduced to nothing! }
  50. on *:TEXT:!whitehole*:#: { describe $chan launches $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into a White Hole! They are vapourized by all the matter and energy it spews out! }
  51. on *:TEXT:!minion*:#: { msg $chan Minion $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ !  You Belong to $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) now!  }
  52.  
  53. //me3 //misc commands
  54. //on *:TEXT:!power*:#: { if ($2 == 9***) { msg $chan Your Power Level is over $rand(0,10000) $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  55. else { msg $chan Your Power Level is $rand(0,10000) $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  56. }
  57.  
  58. //on *:TEXT:!power*:#: { if ($2 == Shenanigans) { msg $chan OMG! Your Power Level is over nine thousand $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  59. else { msg $chan Your Power Level is only $rand(0,8999) $iif($2 == Shenanigans,$nick,$iif($2,$2,$nick)) }
  60. }
  61. //on *:TEXT:!power*:#: { msg $chan Your Power Level is $rand(0,8999) $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  62.  
  63. on *:TEXT:!pervert*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % perverted, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  64. on *:TEXT:!sale*:#: { msg $chan You have $rand(0,100) $+ % chance of making a sale, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  65. on *:TEXT:!nervous*:#: { msg $chan You are only $rand(0,100) $+ % nervous, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  66. on *:TEXT:!dwarf*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Dwarf, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  67. on *:TEXT:!elf*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Elf, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  68. on *:TEXT:!imp*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Imp, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  69. on *:TEXT:!devil*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Devil, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  70. on *:TEXT:!demon*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Demon, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  71. on *:TEXT:!deviant*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Deviant, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  72. on *:TEXT:!dirty*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Dirty, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  73. on *:TEXT:!mechanoid*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Mechanoid, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  74. on *:TEXT:!gelf*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Genetically Engineered Life Form, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  75. on *:TEXT:!tired*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Tired, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  76. on *:TEXT:!drunk*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Drunk, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  77. on *:TEXT:!cyborg*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Cyborg, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  78. on *:TEXT:!android*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Android, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  79. on *:TEXT:!drazi*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Drazi, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  80. on *:TEXT:!shadow*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Shadow, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  81. on *:TEXT:!vorlon*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Vorlon, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  82. on *:TEXT:!centauri*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Centauri, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  83. on *:TEXT:!narn*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Narn, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  84. on *:TEXT:!minbari*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Minbari, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  85. on *:TEXT:!vulcan*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Vulcan, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  86. on *:TEXT:!ferengi*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Ferengi, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  87. on *:TEXT:!betazoid*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Betazoid, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  88. on *:TEXT:!trill*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Trill, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  89. on *:TEXT:!cardassian*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Cardassian, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  90. on *:TEXT:!romulan*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Romulan, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  91. on *:TEXT:!borg*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Borg, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  92. on *:TEXT:!klingon*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Klingon, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  93. on *:TEXT:!naughty*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % naughty, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  94. on *:TEXT:!nice*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % nice, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  95. on *:TEXT:!stoned*:#: { msg $chan You are only $rand(0,100) $+ % Stoned, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  96. on *:TEXT:!human*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Human, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  97. on *:TEXT:!bad*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Bad, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  98. on *:TEXT:!lame*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Lame, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  99. on *:TEXT:!right*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Right, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  100. on *:TEXT:!wrong*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Wrong, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  101. on *:TEXT:!bitch*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Bitch, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  102. on *:TEXT:!bastard*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Bastard, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  103. on *:TEXT:!potato*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % Potato, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  104. on *:TEXT:!chance*:#: { msg $chan You have $rand(0,100) $+ % chance of getting an Ultra Rare, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  105. on *:TEXT:!hotair*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % full of Hot Air, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  106. on *:TEXT:!bullshit*:#: { msg $chan You are $rand(0,100) $+ % full of shit, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  107. on *:TEXT:!hot*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Hotter than everyone else, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  108. on *:TEXT:!quarian*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Quarian, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  109. on *:TEXT:!pyjak*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Pyjak, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  110. on *:TEXT:!keeper*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Keeper, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  111. on *:TEXT:!elcor*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Elcor, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  112. on *:TEXT:!yahg*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Yahg, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  113. on *:TEXT:!volus*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Volus, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  114. on *:TEXT:!turian*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Turian, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  115. on *:TEXT:!hanar*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Hanar, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  116. on *:TEXT:!prothean*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Prothean, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  117. on *:TEXT:!reaper*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Reaper, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  118. on *:TEXT:!batarian*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Batarian, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  119. on *:TEXT:!asari*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Asari, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  120. on *:TEXT:!drell*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Drell, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  121. on *:TEXT:!salarian*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Salarian, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  122. on *:TEXT:!krogan*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Krogan, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  123. on *:TEXT:!patch*:#: { describe $chan patches the leak $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) is having }
  124. on *:TEXT:!woman*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Woman, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  125. on *:TEXT:!man*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Man, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  126. on *:TEXT:!neutral*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Neutral, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  127. on *:TEXT:!evil*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Evil, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  128. on *:TEXT:!good*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Good, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  129. on *:TEXT:!vorcha*:#: { msg $chan You Are $rand(0,100) $+ % Vorcha, $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  130. on *:TEXT:!mob*:#: { describe $chan forms a mob to persecute $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with pitchforks and torches }
  131. on *:TEXT:!orchidometer*:#: { describe $chan measures the testicles of $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ . $rand(0,25) on the orchidometer! }
  132. on *:TEXT:!whraith*:#: { describe $chan contacts Whraith to measure the testicles of $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ . $rand(0,25) on the orchidometer! }
  133. on *:TEXT:!banana*:#: { describe $chan flings a banana over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  134. on *:TEXT:!carrot*:#: { describe $chan flings a carrot over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  135. on *:TEXT:!phaser*:#: { describe $chan fires at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with the phaser banks, vapourizing them into nothingness }
  136. on *:TEXT:!planck*:#: { describe $chan fixes their absolute position, causing $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) to accelerate into a puddle of goo }
  137.  
  138. //me3
  139. on *:TEXT:!warlord*:#: { describe $chan charges up to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and hits them with a big fucking hammer! }
  140. on *:TEXT:!sentinel*:#: { describe $chan charges into $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and smacks them down with the Shield }
  141. on *:TEXT:!fury*:#: { describe $chan melts $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) down with the Annihilation Field }
  142. on *:TEXT:!destroyer*:#: { describe $chan activates Destroyer Mode and attacks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with Multi-Frag Grenades as it's rocket flies into a wall in the distance... }
  143. on *:TEXT:!shadow*:#: { describe $chan teleports behind $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and takes their head clean off with Shadow Strike! }
  144. on *:TEXT:!demolisher*:#: { describe $chan builds a Supply Pylon and starts throwing Arc Grenades and shooting Homing Grenades at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  145. on *:TEXT:!slayer*:#: { describe $chan teleports behind $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and slices them in half with a Biotic Slash! }
  146. on *:TEXT:!sparta*:#: { describe $chan screams "THIS IS THE LEGION EFFECT!" and kicks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into the bottomless pit! }
  147. on *:TEXT:!cluster*:#: { describe $chan chucks a Cluster Grenade at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and blows $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) $+ , $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) into tiny pieces }
  148. on *:TEXT:!inferno*:#: { describe $chan flings an Inferno Grenade at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and burns $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) $+ , $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) into crispy pieces }
  149. on *:TEXT:!olaf*:#: { describe $chan gets Olaf to Biotic Charge $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and Novaguards them into hell }
  150. on *:TEXT:!frag*:#: { describe $chan flings a Frag Grenade at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and kills $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) $+ , $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) }
  151. on *:TEXT:!airlock*:#: { describe $chan tosses $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) out of the Airlock! }
  152. on *:TEXT:!riganna*:#: { describe $chan gets Riganna to go and revive $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  153. on *:TEXT:!explode*:#: { describe $chan explodes $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with the Krysae Sniper Rifle }
  154. on *:TEXT:!concshot*:#: { describe $chan knocks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) off the roof with Concussion Shot }
  155. on *:TEXT:!concussion*:#: { describe $chan knocks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) off the roof with Concussion Shot }
  156. on *:TEXT:!carbine*:#: { describe $chan melts $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with the Reegar Carbine }
  157. on *:TEXT:!arcnade*:#: { describe $chan chucks an Arc Grenade at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and kills $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) $+ , $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) }
  158. on *:TEXT:!flamethrower*:#: { describe $chan sets fire to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with its wrist mounted flamethrower! }
  159. on *:TEXT:!lash*:#: { describe $chan charges at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and whips them to shreds with its biotic lash! }
  160. on *:TEXT:!calibrate*:#: { describe $chan calibrates $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ 's weapon... }
  161. on *:TEXT:!rosy*:#: { describe $chan calls up LadyAlekto and pays her to take out $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with her trusty revenant }
  162. on *:TEXT:!maw*:#: { describe $chan shoots a thresher maw at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with the Thresher Maw Cannon }
  163. on *:TEXT:!thresher*:#: { describe $chan summons the Thresher Maw Queen and watches as she wraps around $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and drags them underground }
  164. on *:TEXT:!turret*:#: { describe $chan surrounds $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with Turrets and watches as they're riddled with holes }
  165. on *:TEXT:!thanix*:#: { describe $chan tells Garrus to fire the Thanix Cannon at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) wiping out every trace of their existence }
  166. on *:TEXT:!medigel*:#: { describe $chan runs over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and applies MediGel™ }
  167. on *:TEXT:!tech*:#: { describe $chan uses overload on $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as LordShen detonates it with his Concussion Shot, killing $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) }
  168. on *:TEXT:!revive*:#: { describe $chan runs over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and applies MediGel™ }
  169. on *:TEXT:!headbutt*:#: { describe $chan headbutts $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and shouts "Yaahaaah!" }
  170. on *:TEXT:!banshee*:#: { describe $chan watches as a banshee teleports next to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and thrusts her arm through their chest }
  171. on *:TEXT:!cobra*:#: { describe $chan shoots a Cobra Missile at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and blows everything away }
  172. on *:TEXT:!phantom*:#: { describe $chan watches as a phantom de-cloaks behind $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and thrusts her sword through their spine }
  173. on *:TEXT:!brute*:#: { describe $chan watches as a brute charges at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and tramples on them till they're dead }
  174. on *:TEXT:!swarmer*:#: { describe $chan explodes and sends a horde of swarmers at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  175. on *:TEXT:!atlas*:#: { describe $chan watches as an Atlas picks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) up and smashes them into the ground }
  176. on *:TEXT:!biotic*:#: { describe $chan sets up a biotic explosion with $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and blows $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) into tiny little bits }
  177. on *:TEXT:!punch*:#: { describe $chan cranks back its fist.......................................................... and punches $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) in the head, causing it to explode like a ripe watermelon }
  178. on *:TEXT:!biocharge*:#: { describe $chan biotic charges at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and sends them flying }
  179. on *:TEXT:!warp*:#: { describe $chan blows $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into pieces with a Warp & Throw Combo }
  180. on *:TEXT:!grab*:#: { describe $chan yanks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) over the counter and smashes them in the face }
  181. on *:TEXT:!husk*:#: { describe $chan impales $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) on the dragons teeth and watches as they're drained of fluids and turned into a husk }
  182. on *:TEXT:!palm*:#: { describe $chan protects $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) from damage with its Phantom Palm Space Magic Shield™ }
  183. on *:TEXT:!prime*:#: { describe $chan shoots at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) from across the map and kills them in 3 shots }
  184. on *:TEXT:!melt*:#: { describe $chan turns $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into white hot goo with the geth melee attack }
  185. on *:TEXT:!indoctrinate*:#: { describe $chan indoctrinates $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into believing that $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) is God }
  186.  
  187. //l4d commands
  188. on *:TEXT:!boomer*:#: { describe $chan jumps out and vomits all over $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) attracting a large horde of zombies }
  189. on *:TEXT:!hunter*:#: { describe $chan pounces on $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) from a great height and starts tearing them to pieces }
  190. on *:TEXT:!charger*:#: { describe $chan charges into $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and starts smashing them into the ground }
  191. on *:TEXT:!spitter*:#: { describe $chan spits acid at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) melting them into goo }
  192. on *:TEXT:!smoker*:#: { describe $chan grabs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with its tongue and chokes them until their neck breaks }
  193. on *:TEXT:!jockey*:#: { describe $chan jumps on $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and scratches at their face with its claws }
  194. on *:TEXT:!tank*:#: { describe $chan throws a car at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  195. on *:TEXT:!witch*:#: { describe $chan makes the witch angry at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as she tears into them with her long, lethal claws }
  196.  
  197. //anime commands
  198. on *:TEXT:!kamehameha*:#: { describe $chan builds energy while shouting "KAMEHAMEHA!" and fires it at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) blowing them and half a mountain away }
  199. on *:TEXT:!absorb*:#: { describe $chan absorbs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) taking on their powers and characteristics }
  200. on *:TEXT:!eat*:#: { describe $chan grabs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and eats them whole! }
  201. on *:TEXT:!destructo*:#: { describe $chan creates a razor sharp spinning disk of energy and throws it at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) cutting them in half! }
  202. on *:TEXT:!piccolo*:#: { describe $chan calls for Piccolo to shoot his Special Beam Cannon at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-)  }
  203. on *:TEXT:!teleport*:#: { describe $chan teleports $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) away! }
  204.  
  205. //fantasy commands
  206. on *:TEXT:!bolt*:#: { describe $chan flings a lightning bolt at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  207. on *:TEXT:!fireball*:#: { describe $chan shoots a fireball at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) turning them into a crispy fried person }
  208. on *:TEXT:!quake*:#: { describe $chan shakes the ground until a hole opens up and swallows $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  209. on *:TEXT:!tornado*:#: { describe $chan summons a tornado, sends it at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as it flings them into the distance }
  210. on *:TEXT:!whirlpool*:#: { describe $chan conjures a whirlpool under $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as it drags them down to the bottom }
  211. on *:TEXT:!chain*:#: { describe $chan shoots chain lightning at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as it travels through them to hit $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) }
  212. on *:TEXT:!dispel*:#: { describe $chan dispels all magical effects and enhancements on $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  213.  
  214. //tf2 commands
  215. on *:TEXT:!medic*:#: { describe $chan runs through heavy enemy fire to heal $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  216. on *:TEXT:!engi*:#: { describe $chan builds a sentry and dispenser to protect $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and the team }
  217. on *:TEXT:!pyro*:#: { describe $chan runs round the corner and sets fire to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and all the team }
  218. on *:TEXT:!spy*:#: { describe $chan sneaks up behind $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and stabs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) in the back }
  219. on *:TEXT:!sap *:#: { describe $chan sneaks up to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and saps all the buildings $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) has built }
  220. on *:TEXT:!sniper*:#: { describe $chan takes careful aim at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and blows $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ 's head off "boom headshot wanker!" }
  221. on *:TEXT:!snipe *:#: { describe $chan takes careful aim at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and blows $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ 's head off "boom headshot wanker!" }
  222. on *:TEXT:!ubercharge*:#: { describe $chan ubercharges $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as they kill everyone in the room }
  223. on *:TEXT:!heavy*:#: { describe $chan lets rip with the autocannon at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) while shouting "Cry Some More!" }
  224. on *:TEXT:!scout*:#: { describe $chan runs around $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) beating them in with a bat }
  225. on *:TEXT:!demoman*:#: { describe $chan sets a sticky trap around $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and blows them into tiny pieces }
  226. on *:TEXT:!soldier*:#: { describe $chan shoots a critical rocket up $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ 's ass and blows them into large pieces }
  227. on *:TEXT:!sol *:#: { describe $chan shoots a critical rocket up $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ 's ass and blows them into large pieces }
  228. on *:TEXT:!civilian*:#: { describe $chan beats $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) to death with an umbrella! }
  229.  
  230. //misc
  231. //on *:TEXT:*toast *:#: { msg $chan Would anyone like some toast? }
  232. on *:TEXT:*no*toast*:#: { msg $chan How about a muffin? }
  233. on *:TEXT:*no*muffin*:#: { msg $chan Aah, so you're a waffle man? }
  234. on *:TEXT:*no*waffle*:#: { msg $chan Can i interest you in a bagel? }
  235. on *:TEXT:*no*bagel*:#: { msg $chan How about a crumpet? }
  236. on *:TEXT:*no*crumpet*:#: { msg $chan Would you like a croissant? }
  237. on *:TEXT:my head hurts*:#: { msg $chan That's your brain trying to comprehend your stupidity. }
  238. on *:TEXT:those are brave men knocking at our door:#: { msg $chan Let's go kill them! }
  239. on *:TEXT:what about the king?:#: { msg $chan He can die just fine on his own. }
  240. on *:TEXT:the gods have no mercy:#: { msg $chan that's why they're gods  }
  241. on *:TEXT:!pong*:#: { msg $chan Your Pong is off the scale $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) $+ ! }
  242. on *:TEXT:!awesome*:#: { msg $chan Your Awesomeness is $rand(1,100) $+ % $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  243. on *:TEXT:!advertisment:#: { msg $chan |[Advertisment]| http://social.bioware.com/forum/1/topic/343/index/11800503 |[Advertisment]| }
  244. //on *:TEXT:* arrow *:#: { msg $chan I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee. }
  245. //on *:TEXT:*skyrim*:#: { msg $chan I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee. }
  246. //on *:TEXT:*adventurer*:#: { msg $chan I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee. }
  247. on *:TEXT:secrets are like herpies:#: { msg $chan If you got 'em, might as well spread 'em around.  }
  248. on *:TEXT:act like a bitch:#: { msg $chan get slapped like a bitch.  }
  249. on *:TEXT:do you take pleasure from committing genocide:#: { msg $chan Depends on the species, Human. }
  250. on *:TEXT:aim for her head:#: { msg $chan Because she doesn't have a heart. }
  251. on *:TEXT:fear me, lesser creatures, for i am biotics made flesh!:#: { msg $chan I don't know what drugs you're on, but stay back and I won't shoot you. }
  252. on *:TEXT:tell me again about your immune system:#: { msg $chan I have a shotgun. }
  253. on *:TEXT:who you gonna call?:#: { msg $chan Ghostbusters! }
  254. on *:TEXT:there are no men like me:#: { msg $chan There are always men like you. }
  255. on *:TEXT:we are legion:#: { msg $chan We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. }
  256. on *:TEXT:you think i'm crazy, don't you?:#: { msg $chan Sometimes crazy is the best way to go. }
  257. on *:TEXT:we need a plan of attack:#: { msg $chan I have a plan; Attack. }
  258. on *:TEXT:an ant has no quarrel with a boot:#: { msg $chan you planning on stepping on us? }
  259. on *:TEXT:your honour is your life:#: { msg $chan Let none dispute it. }
  260. on *:TEXT:we are the borg:#: { msg $chan We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile. Freedom is irrelevant. }
  261. on *:TEXT:i believe in the golden rule:#: { msg $chan The Man with the Gold... rules. }
  262. on *:TEXT:i ain't afraid to fly:#: { msg $chan and i ain't afraid of no monkeys either }
  263. on *:TEXT:owned:#: { msg $chan pwned }
  264. on *:TEXT:owned!:#: { msg $chan pwned! }
  265. on *:ACTION:cries:#: { msg $chan got an issue? here's a tissue! }
  266. on *:TEXT:!galaxy*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) the whole galaxy! }
  267. on *:TEXT:!roll*:#: { describe $chan grunts and throws dinner rolls at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  268. on *:TEXT:!plank*:#: { describe $chan forces $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) to walk the plank into a shark infested watery grave! Yarr! }
  269. on *:TEXT:!dismiss*:#: { msg $chan Ah yes, $iif(!$2-,$nick," $+ $2- $+ ".) We have dismissed that claim. }
  270. on *:TEXT:quit yo jibba jabba*:#: { msg $chan Mr.T ain't gettin' on no plane fool! }
  271. on *:TEXT:i can hear music:#: { msg $chan eek! a cylon! }
  272. on *:TEXT:so sayeth shen:#: { msg $chan So say we all. }
  273. on *:TEXT:so say we all:#: { msg $chan So say we all! }
  274. on *:TEXT:so say we all!:#: { msg $chan SO SAY WE ALL! }
  275. //on *:TEXT:*nigga*:#: { msg $chan less of that word please. }
  276. //on *:TEXT:*nigger*:#: { msg $chan you shouldn't be saying that word and you know it. }
  277. on *:TEXT:is that a cigarette you're smoking?:#: { msg $chan no, it's a chicken. }
  278. on *:TEXT:smoke me a kipper:#: { msg $chan i'll be back for breakfast }
  279. on *:TEXT:stoke me a clipper:#: { msg $chan i'll be back for christmas }
  280. on *:TEXT:fish!:#: { msg $chan Today's fish is Trout a la crème. Enjoy your meal. }
  281. on *:TEXT:step up to red alert!:#: { msg $chan Are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb. }
  282. on *:TEXT:is it better to be feared or respected?:#: { msg $chan is it too much to ask for both? }
  283. on *:TEXT:freedom is irrelevant:#: { msg $chan resistance is futile. }
  284. on *:TEXT:tick tick tick tick:#: { msg $chan BOOM! }
  285. on *:TEXT:thank you for flying miracle airlines:#: { msg $chan where Lady Luck is your co-pilot. }
  286. on *:TEXT:the eyes are open, the mouth moves:#: { msg $chan but Mr. Brain has long since departed. }
  287. on *:TEXT:i'm as british as queen victoria:#: { msg $chan So your father's German, you're half German, and you married a German? }
  288. on *:TEXT:what if I don't want to be a delivery boy:#: { msg $chan Then you'll be fired... Out of a cannon, into the sun. }
  289. on *:TEXT:i didn't come here to be liked:#: { msg $chan You certainly came to the right place. }
  290. on *:TEXT:like a great blue salmon of justice!:#: { msg $chan the mighty Tick courses upstream to the very spawning ground of evil. }
  291. on *:TEXT:a good soldier obeys without question:#: { msg $chan A good officer commands without doubt. }
  292. on *:TEXT:there is no such thing as innocence:#: { msg $chan Only degrees of guilt. }
  293. on *:TEXT:victory needs no explanation:#: { msg $chan defeat allows none. }
  294. on *:TEXT:the important things are always simple:#: { msg $chan the simple things are always hard }
  295. on *:TEXT:teamwork is essential:#: { msg $chan it gives the enemy something to shoot at }
  296. on *:TEXT:odd objects attract fire:#: { msg $chan YOU are odd. }
  297. on *:TEXT:there is always a way:#: { msg $chan and it usually doesn't work. }
  298. on *:ACTION:*gets his cock out*:#: { msg $chan ewww, put it away! }
  299. on *:TEXT:i am not:#: { msg $chan you are too! }
  300. on *:TEXT:there's no point crying over every mistake:#: { msg $chan you have to keep on trying until you run out of cake. }
  301. on *:TEXT:speedy thing goes in:#: { msg $chan speedy thing comes out. }
  302. on *:TEXT:*nanana*:#: { msg $chan BATMAN! }
  303. on *:TEXT:stop:#: { msg $chan HAMMER TIME! }
  304. on *:TEXT:stop!:#: { msg $chan HAMMER TIME! }
  305. on *:ACTION:blames*:#: { msg $chan i blame them too, they're always causing trouble! }
  306. on *:TEXT:fu bot:#: { msg $chan fu meatsack! }
  307. on *:TEXT:call an ambulance!:#: { describe $chan runs out shouting "Whoo Whoo Whoo" with a light flashing on their head!  }
  308.  
  309. //misc commands
  310. on *:TEXT:!whip*:#: { describe $chan whips $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and tells them to get back to work }
  311. on *:TEXT:!falconpunch*:#: { describe $chan delivers a star destroying punch to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and yells "FALCON PUNCH!" }
  312. on *:TEXT:!assimilate*:#: { describe $chan injects $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with nanoprobes and assimilates them into the collective }
  313. on *:TEXT:!tumbleweed*:#: { describe $chan watches a tumbleweed roll past $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  314. on *:TEXT:!coffee*:#: { describe $chan makes $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a steaming mug of coffee just the way they like it }
  315. on *:TEXT:!olga*:#: { describe $chan watches Olga crack her whip to bring $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) back to heel - http://tinyurl.com/6rpvac7 }
  316. on *:TEXT:!dance*:#: { describe $chan dances with $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  317. on *:TEXT:!facepalm*:#: { describe $chan facepalms at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  318. on *:TEXT:!beer*:#: { describe $chan flings an ice cold beer over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  319. on *:TEXT:!begin*:#: { describe $chan plugs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) into the mains socket, switches on and types /load -rs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) Personailty Matrix.exe }
  320. on *:TEXT:!start*:#: { describe $chan turns $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) on with a switch on the back }
  321. on *:TEXT:!pie*:#: { describe $chan takes a fresh baked pie out of the oven and cuts $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a large slice! }
  322. on *:TEXT:!molest*:#: { describe $chan touches $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) up }
  323. on *:TEXT:!end*:#: { describe $chan ends $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with a brick *MERCY KILL* }
  324. on *:TEXT:!chillpill*:#: { describe $chan pops a couple of Chill Pills into the mouth of $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) (by force if necessary) }
  325. on *:TEXT:!peacepipe*:#: { describe $chan prepares a packed Peace Pipe for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and the room "Smoke up, brothers" }
  326. on *:TEXT:!fuck*:#: { describe $chan takes $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) by the hand and drags them into a backroom for some illicit pornographic action }
  327. on *:TEXT:!massage*:#: { describe $chan treats $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) to an expensive massage treatment }
  328. on *:TEXT:!fail*:#: { describe $chan bakes a failcake for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  329. on *:TEXT:!buy*:#: { describe $chan buys $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) on eBay for $rand(1,999) euros }
  330. on *:TEXT:!sell*:#: { describe $chan sells $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) on eBay for $rand(1,999) euros }
  331. on *:TEXT:!mushroom*:#: { describe $chan picks a Magic Mushroom, feeds it to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and watches as they double in size! }
  332. on *:TEXT:!coke*:#: { describe $chan grabs a can of cold coca cola out of the fridge and flings it over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  333. on *:TEXT:!dcoke*:#: { describe $chan grabs a can of cold diet coca cola out of the fridge and flings it over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  334. on *:TEXT:!shrooms*:#: { describe $chan flings some Magic Mushrooms over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  335. on *:TEXT:!spliff*:#: { describe $chan flings a big pure spliff over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  336. on *:TEXT:!beers*:#: { describe $chan chucks a 6 pack of cold beers over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  337. on *:TEXT:!flash*:#: { describe $chan flashes at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  338. on *:TEXT:!trout*:#: { describe $chan slaps $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) around a bit with a giant trout }
  339. on *:TEXT:!tea*:#: { describe $chan makes a hot cup of tea for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) just the way they like it }
  340. on *:TEXT:!vodka*:#: { describe $chan grabs a cold bottle of vodka from the fridge and pours $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a double }
  341. on *:TEXT:!shots*:#: { describe $chan prepares a selection of shots for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) including classics such as tequila & absinthe }
  342. on *:TEXT:!hug*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a big squishy hug }
  343. on *:TEXT:!shit*:#: { describe $chan flings a lump of crap at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  344. on *:TEXT:!crap*:#: { describe $chan flings a lump of crap at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  345. on *:TEXT:!popcorn*:#: { describe $chan serves up some popcorn for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  346. on *:TEXT:!kick*:#: { describe $chan kicks $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) out the window }
  347. //on *:TEXT:!delquote*:#: { describe $chan slaps a sign up in front of $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) bearing the words "Access Denied" }
  348. on *:TEXT:!wubble*:#: { describe $chan flings a lump of low-grade wubble at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  349. on *:TEXT:!wookie*:#: { describe $chan flings a pack of Woot Cookies™ at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  350. on *:TEXT:!cider*:#: { describe $chan slides a pint of Cider down to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  351. on *:TEXT:!choc*:#: { describe $chan dispenses a lovely bar of chocolate for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  352. on *:TEXT:!hotchoc*:#: { describe $chan makes a lovely cup of hot chocolate for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  353. on *:TEXT:!jackd*:#: { describe $chan pours $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a double Jack Daniels™ }
  354. on *:TEXT:!whiskey*:#: { describe $chan pours $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a triple whiskey }
  355. on *:TEXT:!keg*:#: { describe $chan gets the special keg of beer out of cold storage for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  356. on *:TEXT:!grope*:#: { describe $chan walks up behind $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and gives them a good groping }
  357. on *:TEXT:!fondle*:#: { describe $chan walks up to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and gives them a good fondle }
  358. on *:TEXT:!tweak*:#: { describe $chan walks up to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and tweaks their nipples }
  359. on *:TEXT:!boobs*:#: { describe $chan flashes all six boobs at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  360. on *:TEXT:!die*:#: { if ($2 == LordShen) { describe $chan kills $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) with a lead pipe. }
  361. else { describe $chan kills $iif($2 == LordShen,$nick,$iif($2,$2,$nick)) with a lead pipe. }
  362. }
  363. on *:TEXT:!kill*:#: { if ($2 == LordShen) { describe $chan grabs $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) and chokes them to death }
  364. else { describe $chan grabs $iif($2 == LordShen,$nick,$iif($2,$2,$nick)) and chokes them good }
  365. }
  366. on *:TEXT:!kill*:#: { describe $chan grabs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and chokes them good }
  367. on *:TEXT:!beat*:#: { describe $chan grabs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and beats him in with a crowbar }
  368. on *:TEXT:!eclair*:#: { describe $chan launches an eclair at $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with the Cream Cake Cannon™ }
  369. on *:TEXT:!girls*:#: { describe $chan rings Dial-a-ho™ and orders up some girls for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  370. on *:TEXT:!rats*:#: { describe $chan jumps up onto a chair and screams! "eek rats!" }
  371. on *:TEXT:!happymeal*:#: { describe $chan orders a happy meal for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) the big kid ;p }
  372. on *:TEXT:!love*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) some hot steamy lovin' Yeah baby yeah! }
  373. on *:TEXT:!sauna*:#: { describe $chan gets in the Sauna with $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and says "pull my finger" ;p }
  374. on *:TEXT:!tissue*:#: { describe $chan gives a tissue to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  375. on *:TEXT:!lick*:#: { describe $chan grabs $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) and licks their face *schlurrrrrrrrrrrp* }
  376. on *:TEXT:!joint*:#: { describe $chan chucks a big stinky joint over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  377. on *:TEXT:!donut*:#: { describe $chan chucks a big donut covered with sprinkles over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  378. on *:TEXT:!doughnut*:#: { describe $chan chucks a big doughnut covered with sprinkles over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  379. on *:TEXT:!muffin*:#: { describe $chan flings a big chocolate muffin over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  380. on *:TEXT:!pi *:#: { describe $chan divides $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) by Pi and gives $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) a slice }
  381. on *:TEXT:!pi:#: { describe $chan divides $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) by Pi and gives $nick($chan,$rand(1,$nick($chan,0))) a slice }
  382. on *:TEXT:!brownie*:#: { describe $chan flings a big rocky road brownie over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  383. on *:TEXT:!pokeball*:#: { describe $chan captures $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) with a pokeball. }
  384. on *:TEXT:!masterball*:#: { describe $chan captures $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) for sure with the Master Ball. }
  385. on *:TEXT:!kfc*:#: { describe $chan sends a big bucket of KFC chicken to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) "Mmmm Finger-lickin' Good!" }
  386. on *:TEXT:!cookies*:#: { describe $chan flings a giant double chocolate cookie over to $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  387. on *:TEXT:!wine*:#: { describe $chan gets a good bottle of wine out from the cellar for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  388. on *:TEXT:!milk*:#: { describe $chan gives $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) a cold glass of milk }
  389. on *:TEXT:!boys*:#: { describe $chan rings Dial-a-Stud™ and orders up some boys for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
  390. on *:TEXT:!hobo*:#: { describe $chan rings Dial-a-Hobo™ and orders up some hobos for $iif(!$2-,$nick,$2-) }
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