All languages are learned gradually. You start at the bottom and you work your way up. Starting at the bottom, you have the more, colourful, words. Let’s being today lesson.

Let’s assume you meet a Romanian coworker. If he is a nice fellow, you can cheerfully greet him by saying “Ce mai faci coaie!”. A literal translation would be “How are you doing testicles!”. If you are close friends, you can use the diminutive. “Ce mai faci coita!” - “How are you doing little testicle”.

Let’s say you and your Romanian friend go to a pub. There, you see a lovely lady entering the premises. This is the right time to turn to your friend and say “Mama ce pizda buna”. The translation is “Mother what a good cunt”.

You must now decide who will pursue her for a sexual encounter. This is “Cine o fute?” - “Who fucks her?”. It is very possible you and your friend both desire to have intercours with her. This situation has two branches.

One possible outcome is you agree to have sex with her simultaneously. “Unul ii da la buci” - “One give it to her at the buttocks” and the other “Ii da la muie” - “Give it to her at the face”. This is the happy outcome.

The second possibility is you cannot come to a mutually satisfactory arrangement concerning the vaginal and/or oral penetration of the woman, “muiere” ( see how similar Spanish and Romanian are? ) and you decide to settle this the good old fashioned way. You fight, which is “smardoiala”.

In this scenario, the fight will most likely begin with a shouting match. You could begin by threatening your friend by saying “O sa te fut in gura!” - “I will fuck you in the mouth”. He might retort with “Ba puta, iti iau mortii la pula si ti-o fut pe mata in cur!”. This means “Yo little penis, I will take your dead people at the dick and fuck your mother in the ass”.

After the shouting match, the actual fight will begin. There shall be a winner and a loser. The loser will most likely screech “Sa ma pis in gura ta de bulangiu prost. Dai ca vita. Te-m pula mea de taran!”. This translated to “I piss in your mouth you stupid faggot. You hit like a cow. Go into my dick you peasant!”

The moral of this story is you and your friends should agree to spitroast women picked up in bars.