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Slav Anon and Sunset Shimmer

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Jan 12th, 2017
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  1. OP Post:
  2.  
  3. >Anon, why are you such an asshole! You never show up to school, and when you do, you're either ignoring everyone or you're a complete jerk. Can't you tell that me and the girls are trying to change you for the better!
  4. You are anon, you fucking hate this school and all the fags here. Which is why lunch time is great so you can sit alone in peace. But today Sunshitshitter ruined your peace by yelling at you like a house wife infront of everyone.
  5. >What do Anons?
  6.  
  7. ---
  8.  
  9. Story
  10.  
  11. >You pause, everyone is staring in silence, you slowly stand from your squatting position
  12. "Oi! Can you not see I am of eating the shashlik!"
  13. >Sunset Shimmer rolls her eyes
  14. >"Just because you're an exchange student from Slavistan doesn't mean you get to act like this Anon"
  15. >You are upset, this is the only time of day you're allowed to squat
  16. >Apparently, you're only able to 'sit' in chairs at this school
  17. "Why is Sonset always be interrupting of Anon during squat time, cyka blyat!"
  18. >You reach into your pocket, withdrawing sunflower seeds, and toss them at Sunset
  19. >The sunflower seeds hit her jacket, not even phasing her
  20. >"See! Just like that Anon. Throwing sunflower seeds, blasing that 'hard bass', getting into fights, the list goes on!"
  21. "Ha! Nyet, Sonset must of be living under rock, in Slavistan it is everyday activities"
  22. >"You think I'm going to buy that excuse? You know what Anon, out of all the foreign exchange students we've had; you're the worst"
  23. >There's an awkward silence in the cafeteria
  24. >This statement upset you greatly
  25. "Oh look at me: 'I be Sonset Shimmar here who be tellings of character' blyat, did babushka forget to pack lunch for you or are you always of upset every day?"
  26. >"Anon... Just..."
  27. >Sunset shakes her head
  28. >"We're just trying to help you Anon, every day you always squat in the back of the cafeteria or spout insults at people. I just want to help you, everyone needs a friend Anon"
  29. >You stare at Sunset, crossing your arms, with her basically saying she wants to be your 'friend'
  30. >Sergei and Ivan back home were friends, Sunset however? She probably couldn't even squat
  31. "Well... Eh..."
  32. >You figure being Sunsets 'friend' might be worth a try, there's nothing better to do anyway
  33. "Alright, Sonset, I will try being friend. Now, if you be excusing of me"
  34. >You slide your feet apart at shoulder length, then squat.
  35.  
  36. -
  37.  
  38. >It's been 3 weeks from that day, and though you've gone through some rough patches; you consider them friends
  39. >Twilight doesn't bother you much, she just reads her books
  40. >Fluttershy doesn't talk to you much
  41. >Pinkie Pie likes you, though she just laughs at everything you say, probably because she doesn't understand you. Probably because your English is a little too good
  42. >Applejack is from the country, like your father; though she doesn't grow potatoes
  43. >Rarity just talks about how your Adidas tracksuit is 'drab' or 'unfashionable' but she doesn't know that a Slav's power comes from his tracksuit, she likes your ushanka though
  44. >Rainbow Dash always talks about sports, so you tried teaching her the Slavic sports of drinking vodka and professional squatting. She wasn't very interested
  45. >Sunset Shimmer has at least opened up to you more, you've talked much about your home country to her more
  46. >You've been more open now, hating everything in this country less than before
  47.  
  48. >You've met outside after school. You find yourself squatting next to Sunset Shimmer who was sitting next to the big horse statue
  49. "And then I said 'is this a mint cigarette? What are you, gay?' and then I punched him in the face"
  50. >"That's an... Interesting story Anon..."
  51. >You two sit (and squat) in silence for a few minutes
  52. >"You know, Anon..."
  53. >Sunset turns towards you
  54. >"I've misjudged you, I've learned a lot from you and your culture"
  55. "Da, is no problem"
  56. >"I'm happy you warmed up to everyone at school"
  57. "Net, school is still terrible, country is bad, can't wait to back home to Slavistan"
  58. >Sunset shoots a puzzled, but angry look at you
  59. >"Really? After all this Anon, you're still the jerk I confronted in that cafeteria?!"
  60. >She crosses her arms, starring daggers at you
  61. "I am not of disliking you Sonset"
  62. >She rolls her eyes, looking away from you letting out a heavy sigh
  63. >You murmur 'Blyad' under your breath
  64. >You didn't mean to make her mad
  65.  
  66. -
  67.  
  68. >You take off your track jacket, revealing your Adidas t-shirt underneath
  69. "Here, is now yours"
  70. >You put the track jacket around Sunset Shimmer
  71. >"But Anon, you just told me this is the source of your Slav power"
  72. "Net, the Adidas is only overpriced jacket, true Slav power comes from within. Take jacket, it remind you of Anon and give you strength of Slav"
  73. >"I don't... I don't know what to say Anon"
  74. "Is no need to say anything"
  75. >Sunset Reaches into her bag, withdrawing a book with a red and yellow sun on the cover
  76. >"Anon, I don't have anything to give you, but I want to show you this; I've been where you have, and in the end I've learned about the magic of friendship. Here, these are some of my messages I've written to, and this is going to sound crazy, a princess from another universe"
  77. >She hands you the book
  78. >You open it up and flip through the pages, skimming through it but not really reading through it because written English still doesn't make that much sense to you
  79. "Da, is very... Inspiring... Lots of... Good words"
  80. >You hand the book back to Sunset Shimmer
  81. "So, Anon will meet printsessa of good times?"
  82. >"Well, I haven't be able to get in contact with her recently..."
  83. >She stuffs the book back in her bag and stands up
  84. >"It's been great Anon, I'll see you around tomorrow"
  85. "Da"
  86. >Sunset began to walk home, you decided to squat next to the statue for a little longer
  87. "Is good"
  88. >You hear a noise next to you, like the sound of a man stepping on broken vodka bottles with boots
  89. "Who be making the crackling noise?"
  90. >You quickly stand up and begin investigating the sound
  91. >The sound appears to be coming from the side of the statue next to you, the shiny metal has begun to shimmer
  92. "Ah! Problem found, is too clean"
  93. >You reach into your pocket and pull out a handful of sunflower seeds, spit into your hand, and throw the spit wadded seeds into the mirror
  94. >Once they make contact, they suddenly disappear
  95. "Oi! Statue take sunflower seeds!"
  96.  
  97. -
  98.  
  99. >You roll up your t-shirt sleeves, and push back your ushanka
  100. "Is looking for fight? You get ass kicked now"
  101. >You run and punch the statue, but in the process you fly through it and down a spiraling hole
  102. "This is not how I be thinking I diiiie!"
  103. >Your ejected from the fall into a weird chamber room, you feel a light tingling sensation, but otherwise everything is normal
  104. "Well, is good trip, but is time to go back"
  105. >You turn around to face the portal
  106. >A door suddenly swings open
  107. >"Halt"
  108. >A pony wearing golden armor stands at the ajar door, holding a spear in his hoof
  109. "Oh blyad, is still weird country"
  110. >"Don't move! You're trespassing in the Princesses castle!"
  111. >Princess? Sunset said she was trying to get in contact with a princess, if you find the princess and bring her back to Sunset, then you can show her the power and determination of Slav power
  112. "Oi! Smol horse! You be taking me to printsessa"
  113. >"Uh, no, you're coming with me"
  114. >You respond with some Slav-fu, flailing your arms and legs to beat him up before he can even swing his spear
  115. "Ha, you talk the trash you get the smack"
  116.  
  117. >You've found your way out of the castle using a nearby window, and have walked, squatted, and cossack kicked around the city to find your way to the Princess
  118. >The passers by keep saying stuff like 'look at that creature!' and 'what is that?' and 'how is he able to squat and kick his legs at the same time?'
  119. >But one pony was immediately entranced once laying eyes upon you
  120. >"No way!" a mint green pony blurts out
  121. >Unlike the other ponies, she runs right up to you
  122. >"Sweet Celesta! No way! I thought humans were just a myth!"
  123. >You squat down next to make eye contact with the pony
  124. "Hello little horse, I am Anon, full time Slav and Shashlik King"
  125. >She extends a hoof forward, and you shake it
  126. >"I'm Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings"
  127. "Do you know where printsessa of the friendships is? I must find for Sonset Shimmar"
  128. >"Princess Twilight?... I know where she is"
  129. "Blin on a plate! Take me to at once!"
  130.  
  131. -
  132.  
  133. >"Well, it's kinda far from here Anon, I traveled here by train"
  134. "Hmm..."
  135. >This posed to be a problem, but a solution came to mind
  136. "Come little horse, we go get Slavmobile, drive through portal"
  137. >"I don't even know what that is, sounds fun!"
  138. >You pick up Lyra and run back towards the castle, climbing back through the window
  139. >The guard you faced last time stood by the door, holding an ice pack on his head
  140. >"Hey! You again! Stop! You're under arrest!"
  141. "Nyet! Be shutting of your face!"
  142. >You run up and kick him right in the face, causing him to go flying through the portal
  143. "Now we of be going Lyre, hold onto Anon"
  144. >You jump through the portal, spiraling back towards your world
  145. >You exit out on the other side still holding the pony Lyra
  146. >However, on all fours, was a human wearing the gold plated armor
  147. >"Whats... Whats going on?"
  148. "Shut up Cyka!"
  149. >You run up and kick him in the stomach, then throw him back through the portal
  150. >Lyra looks at her hooves, then looks at you
  151. >"So wait... If he changed into a human, why didn't I?"
  152. "Slav power protects Anon"
  153. >You pick Lyra back up and run back to your boarding house, parked in the driveway was the Slavmobile: a 1996 Golf Mk3
  154. "Now Lyre horse, let us ride"
  155.  
  156. -
  157.  
  158. >You drive the Slavmobile strait through Twilight's doors, smashing through both, causing you to come to a hard stop
  159. "Is this right place?"
  160. >Lyra is completely tangled up in the seat belt from the crash
  161. >"...Yeah"
  162. >You step out of the car and walk down the hall
  163. >A light purple pony with a blue streak suddenly jumps out at you from a hallway
  164. >She quickly shoots a magic blast at you, but you respond with a handful of sunflower seeds to intercept the shot
  165. >As the sunflower seeds collide with the magic you grab your vodka bottle with your other hand and toss it at her head
  166. >The bottle smacks her right above the eye, knocking her out instantly
  167. >+300 XP
  168. >You walk into the main foyer, with a purple alicorn stood, holding a frying pan and ready to strike
  169. >"Wait a minute..."
  170. >The alicorn lowered her frying pan
  171. >"You're... A human..."
  172. "Yes, I be coming to get printsessa for Sonset Shimmar"
  173. >"Sunset Shimmer needs help?"
  174. "Let us just be going now"
  175. >"...Ok?"
  176. >You take Twilight back to the Slavmobile, she sits in the back seat with Lyra still occupying the passenger seat
  177. >Lyra looks at Twilight as she gets in the car
  178. >"Oh, uh, hey Twilight. How are you?"
  179.  
  180. -
  181.  
  182. >You drive back through the portal
  183. >"Wait, hold on just a minute!"
  184. >Twilight looks at herself, still in pony form
  185. >"Your machine must have tampered with the portal, go back!"
  186. "Nyet, Anon came all this way for printsessa, is too late to go back"
  187. >You shift the Slavmobile into high gear and hit the gas as you speed down the road towards Sunset's house
  188. "We are here now!"
  189. >The sun was beginning to rise as you quickly hopped out of the Slavmobile
  190. >You run to the passenger side and pick up Twilight, you put her under one arm as you run up to Sunset's door
  191. >You raise your arm to knock on the door, but before you can it swings open
  192. >Sunset stood there, backpack slung over one shoulder
  193. >"Anon?"
  194. "Sonset, it is Anon, I wanted to show you true meaning of Slav strength and bring you printsessa"
  195. >You hold Twilight up with both arms
  196. >"Um... Hi Sunset... This is... Kinda weird"
  197. >Sunset looks at you, then looks at Twilight, then takes Twilight from your hands
  198. >"Well, thank you Anon, this was really kind of you to do all this"
  199. "Is no problem, is what comrades do"
  200. >"You know Anon, I learned an important lesson from you; friendship is not just about trying to change someone, it's about accepting who they are, even if they're a little strange"
  201. "Ha! Ha ha!"
  202. >You slap your knee
  203. "Is funny joke Sonset, I go home now, get ready for school"
  204. >You walk back over to the Slavmobile
  205. "Oh, and Sonset, Lyre horse said she want to live with Anon now"
  206. >Twilight facehooves
  207. >You drive back home, playing hard bass out your car speakers, with Lyra sitting in the passenger seat
  208. "Lyre horse"
  209. >"Yeah?"
  210. "I'm going to skip school today and play Counter Strike"
  211.  
  212. The end.
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