Creepy Old Guy:
Lydia:
Way back when,
I was just ten,
Weakly naive.

Men would leer,
Whistle and jeer,
Out on the street.

And I felt used,
Dirty, confused,
And I would refuse to look in their eyes,
But now I really love creepy old guys.

All:
We all do!

Lydia:
Gum disease,
Skin like grilled cheese,
Saggy old asses.

Adam:
Saggy old asses!

Lydia:
You’ve been [vile],
[Yeah/young?] hey baby smile,
Jealous [and vapid].

They make me blush,
Can’t get enough,
Now one of them loves me and wants to be mine.

All:
That’s right!

Lydia:
Marrying my own creepy old guy.

BJ:
I’m a creepy old guy!

Lydia:
My creepy old guy,
My creepy old guy,
I’m so happy I could cry.

Charles:
Turns out love is deaf and dumb,
As well as being blind.

Lydia:
Creepy old groom,

Barbara?:
Creepy old groom,
[It’s] Lydia’s wedding [too/dude].

Lydia:
Hey folks step aside.

BJ (spoken):
Y’know, I am older,
But I’m glad I waited.

Lydia:
Cause here comes the bride,
I am marrying my creepy old guy.

All:
Creepy old guy,
Creepy old guy,
Creepy old guy.

Lydia:
My creepy old guy!

All:
Creepy old guy,
Creepy old guy,
Creepy old guy.

Lydia:
Don’t look shocked,
Put on a frock,
Something less formal.

All:
Something less formal.

Adam:
She’s merely a teen,
Living her dream,
This is so normal.

All:
There’s nothing weird about it!

Lydia:
Thanks for your support,
You’re all great sports,
I’m marrying a corpse,
Alright, surprise!

Get a load of my,
Creepy old guy.

BJ (spoken):
I’ve never felt so beautiful!

Lydia:
You look scared,
Like you’re prepared,
For Armageddon.

Sharp and groomed,
Out of a tomb.

Delia:
Hey it’s a wedding!

Lydia:
[Dim] the lights,
Pick up some rice,
Say something nice,
It’s my day to shine.

Getting hitched to my creepy old.

BJ:
It’s showtime!

Lydia:
My creepy old guy,
My creepy old guy.

All:
She’s marrying a creepy old guy.

Charles:
Have you guys seen Lolita?
This is just like that but fine.

All:
Creepy old dude,
Creepy old dude,
Our [bank?] had been reviewed,
And love is alive.

Lydia:
Wave your baby girl goodbye,
I am walking down the aisle,
I wanna see a tear in every eye,
As I pass by.

I know that on the outside he’s disgusting,
And even on the inside he’s disgusting,
But I know that this time I’m making it right,
With my family by side.

BJ:
Oh my God,
My heart’s beating hard,
I’m so fricking nervous.

Look at those flowers,
I so should’ve showered,
It’s such a nice service.

After all that I’ve done,
I leveraged her mom,
Ruined her family,
Cheated and lied.

Still I’ve got my own,
Underage bride!

All:
Here comes the bride,
Here comes the bride,
[idk].

Can’t believe some cultures think,
This kinda thing’s alright.

Lydia:
My creepy old guy,
My creepy old guy,
Doesn’t he deserve a chance at a life?

BJ:
Oh yeah,
That’s right.

Lydia:
So let’s make him [alive?],
I am marrying my,
Creepy old guy.

All:
Creepy old guy, guy, guy,
Creepy old guy, guy, guy,
Creepy old guy, guy, guy,
Yeah!