# How have you come to your sense of calling/vocation

* In college, at an engineering job fair where most companies were defense contractors, I suddenly realized that it's many people's job to come up with new, clever ways to kill & maim people, and I realized I never ever wanted a job at a company where anyone spent time on that.
* I fell into web development (I wanted to make band websites; I wanted to organize my literary magazine) and discovered that I really like it
* In a "report card" for evaluating job prospects, "potential for world improvement / meaningful work" has always been one of several factors
* Only most recent job scored above neutral on this metric
* I struggle with whether feeling a sense of calling is useful/justifiable
* It's at least a privilege that few achieve to even be able to align job with ideals

# What changes have you experienced in the church over your life

* "the church" – the wider church: Blue Like Jazz was a sensation in college
* "emergent Christianity", deconstruction, and looser biblical interpretation
* Wild Goose Festival; Home-brewed Christianity podcast; learning the name of the concept "universal atonement"; wondering if this thread of Protestantism is retracing the steps that Quakers walked a century ago

# Why do you stay in the church?

* Rephrase this as "why stay in Christianity?"
* I grew up believing that I had to believe very specific "correct" things about God & the Bible, with hell the consequence for believing incorrect things.
* In college, as these ideas crumbled from their foundation in literal 6-day creationism upward, I found it hard to keep any sort of faith at all.
* Lisa challenged me in these moments, pointing out my arrogance, that thinking I have it figured out means I don't.
* In my early twenties, struggling to keep ahold of a faith that looked something like what I'd grown up with, I remember singing in church, doubting God's existence, feeling disconnected from the idea of God, but finding comfort in seeing other people have what seemed like authentic experiences with God.
* I don't think I have any "correct belief" about God or the Bible anymore. I no longer find that a meaningful thing to strive after.
* So why stay? With a background of church-going / Christianity defined by correct belief, it feels strange or pointless to keep going to church in its absence.
* I go because this expression of faith; this culture; this heritage is meaningful to Lisa and I am also attracted to it and want it for Anya.
* I go to be challenged; to stay humble. I like that in this church context a well-studied person will challenge me to think about the Bible differently and more deeply.
* I go for the beautiful parts. Much of the Bible I now feel put-off by, but there really is so much beauty; so much to model our lives by; so much inspiration.
* I go for community. "Building the new world in the shell of the old." Living God's kindgdom; (seeing people) prototyping alternative societies (community banking; mutual support; radical hospitality; peace making).