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What would you die by script

a guest Apr 22nd, 2019 1,573 Never
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  1. Jesus said he who lives by the sword dies by the sword and he was a carpenter who died nailed to a piece of wood, By this logic, how would you die,
  2.  
  3. I would be electrocuted violently, Or alcohol poisoning,
  4. Are you an electrician that likes to drink,
  5. Electrician by day, bartender by night,
  6. Either way you're buzzed,
  7.  
  8. Murdered by k 2 children with emotional disorders,
  9. This may not be that far off the mark in reality,
  10. Same, but High Schoolers,
  11. same, but middle school,
  12. Same,
  13. Same but completely different,
  14.  
  15. Hmmm, now I am concerned that a computer program is trying to kill me,
  16. If a piece of hospital medical equipment has a software malfunction, it still could,
  17. It has happened before,
  18. There is a famous case of a series of radiation therapy machines malfunctioning and administering hundreds of times the safe amount of radiation, killing the patients,
  19.  
  20. I make B B Q for a living so my fat will be trimmed down to about a 1 slash 4 inch all around, seasoned well with salt and pepper(salt on the trimming wounds would be terrible) then throwing in a metal box filled with fire to be cooked to 200 degrees, Fuck my life,
  21. You sound delicious,
  22. I'd totally eat that guy,
  23. r slash suddenly gay,
  24. r slash Suddenly cannibal,
  25.  
  26. I'll die by being processed into chicken nuggets,
  27. Technically they'd be slug nuggets,
  28. Sluggets, c'mon man,
  29. Possibly McSluggets,
  30. Can I get a Slurm with that,
  31. Poor Slums Mckenzie,
  32. He died doing what he loved, so we’ll party on in his honor,
  33.  
  34. My death would be you die in the game, you die in real life taken to its logical conclusion,
  35. That, or I'd get a million paper cuts since I work in an office, Either works,
  36. Hmm, I wonder if there's fall damage here,
  37. Ooh, I wonder if there’s fire damage, too,
  38. (burns,
  39. Cool,
  40. Can I swim in this game,
  41. (jumps into a lake and dies,
  42. Nope,
  43. Do the cars stop if I walk into the road,
  44. Frogger was pretty confusing,
  45.  
  46. Hanging myself with guitar strings,
  47. what slipknot song is this,
  48. Loser by Beck,
  49.  
  50. I don't do anything so I don't die, apathy equals Immortality,
  51. Your brain stops caring about breathing equals you ded,
  52. A whole new level of being too cool to care, I love it,
  53. Grim Reaper, You're dead, you gotta leave,
  54. Me, Meh,
  55.  
  56. Dying in a hospital with my bowels out of control as the nursing staff plays cards,
  57.  
  58. Live by myself, die by myself,
  59. I’m most well known (among those who know me) for being a member of a suicide prevention committee, Yikes,
  60.  
  61. I'm a social worker, I'll die of burnout or when my clients turn on me in a mob mentality,
  62.  
  63. Damn, I guess a camera or giant set piece is going to fall on top of me,
  64. You'll be sliced to death by a union card,
  65. Teamster stampede,
  66. As a director, I guess I'd just be directed to die and then die,
  67.  
  68. Well I just Finished a night shift censoring graphic images from the Sri Lankan terrorist attack, So in a violent terrorist attack, broadcast on national television,
  69.  
  70. The children in my classroom will eventually turn feral and tear me limb from limb before setting everything in the classroom on fire and swarming out into the wilds,
  71. That or the daily stress from trying to get swarms of 30 to 70 kids not to do the above on a daily basis will kill me,
  72.  
  73. By being sarcastic at the wrong time and wrong place,
  74. Exactly how I got stabbed in the chest with a mechanical pencil by a crazy clarinet player,
  75. The answer to the question what are you gonna do, stab me, was yes,
  76. Holy shit,
  77. Did you survived,
  78. Lucky for me my sternum, I think, did its job and deflected her flimsy weapon,
  79. Good thing she didn't have a knife, Probably won't ask that sarcastic question to anyone brandishing anything at me again though, Ha,
  80. Not your fault, Figures it would be a clarinet player,
  81.  
  82. Artist, so someone might just have to draw a fucking gun on me,
  83.  
  84. I just look at memes about suicide all day so,
  85. Hey man, how are you doing,
  86.  
  87. In a meeting that should have been an email,
  88.  
  89. crushed by a shipping container I guess, It actually almost happened on the first day of my job now that I think about it,
  90.  
  91. I’m a delivery driver so I guess I’m screwed,
  92. You boutta get isekai’d,
  93. Absolutely no idea what that means but it sounds like it hurts,
  94.  
  95. Probably procrastinating, Probably had to leave my bed for a life saving procedure and my lazy ass would be like nah maybe we'll try again tomorrow, and that's how I die,
  96.  
  97. Waiting on hold to talk to a representative,
  98. Your death is very important to us, Please hold for the next available representative,
  99.  
  100. Stoned to death, but instead of stones, its lettuce,
  101. MY CABBAGES,
  102.  
  103. I’d get nailed to a piece of wood,
  104. If you died getting nailed, you could say you went out with a bang,
  105.  
  106. Drug overdose, (Pharmacy tech),
  107.  
  108. I sell pornography, so,yikes,
  109. Death by snu snu,
  110.  
  111. Bartender here, Drinking myself to death,
  112. Hell, that's gonna happen even without O P's logic,
  113.  
  114. I’ve never thought of this,
  115. Probably masturbating,
  116. Going out with a bang, Nah, By my own hand,
  117.  
  118. Death by papercut,
  119.  
  120. I d k welding my nut sack to the work bench,
  121.  
  122. I’m a cook so I guess I would be stabbed to death, probably with my own knife,
  123.  
  124. Murdered by toddlers,
  125.  
  126. Laugh so hard a meme that I die,
  127.  
  128. I work in I T,
  129. Death by turning it on and off again,
  130. Maybe my life support, Maybe my liver,
  131.  
  132. I service dialysis machines for a living, I guess I’ll get end stage renal failure,
  133.  
  134. Choked to death by a 5 dollar foot long, I work at a subway,
  135.  
  136. I would be forced to consume marijuana until I die,
  137. Cannabis being impossible to overdose means that the grim reaper and I will spend eternity smoking joints and trying to figure out how to get a non lethal substance to kill me,
  138. Edit, damn I thought I was going to smoke reefer with the reaper for eternity but looks more like death by hotbox, Sayonara,
  139.  
  140. Bored to death listening to a high school teacher lecture me,
  141. Same, Or bored to death in a really bad P D,
  142. At least the transition would be subtle,
  143.  
  144. Murder by numbers,
  145. 420 stab wounds,
  146. are you an accountant,
  147.  
  148. I’d probably be jacked off to death by horses,
  149. That sounds like a dream, For some,
  150. Say hi to Mr, Hands for us up there in hanky horsey heaven,
  151.  
  152. I'm going to die in a violent chemical reaction,
  153. or just cancer from inhaling nasty fumes,
  154.  
  155. Of cancer,
  156. Oh you play a lot of L o L,
  157. Fort nite,
  158.  
  159. I will die by my hand then because I’m unemployed,
  160. Or technically you then live by nothing so you're immortal,
  161.  
  162. Death by school textbooks and student loans,
  163.  
  164. Um I play chess so I’m not sure how I’d die,
  165. Run over by a bishop,
  166. Killed by a (drag) queen for moving inappropriately,
  167. remember the harry potter movie where the dude got rocked by the huge chess pieces,
  168. Death by Monarchy,
  169. Killed in a pawn shop,
  170.  
  171. bread surprisingly i actually have already sustained injuries from touching bread, literally just putting the sliced loaf into a plastic bag and giving it to a customer,
  172. You're toast,
  173.  
  174. McDonald's cashier, so probably deep fried,
  175.  
  176. I’m too young to get a job, so if I stay unemployed am I immortal,
  177. No, you just get bludgeoned to death by disappointed people,
  178.  
  179. I'd be project managed to death,
  180. Every time I see an ad for Monday , com I feel like I'm being project managed to death,
  181.  
  182. I would die of a yeast infection, Lovely,
  183. (I'm a biologist, I work in a lab with yeast, Which I usually have to follow up with not that kind, it's like brewers yeast,
  184.  
  185. Killed by some sort of weapon made out of LEGO bricks,
  186. And NOT from stepping on them, Stop making stepping on LEGO jokes, It’s not that funny,
  187.  
  188. I will die by the holy hand grenade, because Jesus is my life,
  189.  
  190. Reply alled to death, by junior administrators covering their useless asses,
  191.  
  192. being dismembered during a robot revolution,
  193.  
  194. I am a glider pilot, psychology student and bass player,
  195. I'll probably crash land after a sentient bass fish jacks my plane mid flight,
  196.  
  197. I worked in the electrical supply industry for over 30 years, It's Old Sparky for me,
  198.  
  199. You know those automated cart pushers at grocery stores that help pushers bring 50 100 carts in at a time, That congo line of metal at about 3 Miles Per Hour,
  200. I'm not the pusher, but those things, those things not responding to controls and just pushing on wards out of control, Those things worry me,
  201. I'm not going to have my earbuds in one day, and the only warning I'll have is those hard rubberish wheels beginning to run me over from behind, WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP times 50 or 100, Eventually, I'm sure the weight will accumulate and do serious damage, because just 20 of those things are heavy enough,
  202. Death by minimum wage, the American Nightmare,
  203.  
  204. A sentient pizza would stuff me in an insulated bag and take me to be devoured by a family of other hungry pizzas for pocket change,
  205.  
  206. I will be served spicy Thai food and overpriced beer until I fucking die,
  207.  
  208. I would be sliced into 8 ounce slabs, pan seared and served with garlic mashed potatoes, and a spring vegetable medley, Paired with a full bodied red wine, and likely cost 110 dollars a plate,
  209.  
  210. Probably trip over a mop bucket or something, I'm a custodian, one of my coworkers actually did this and broke his leg, I came close a couple times because I wasn't paying attention and backed into mine,
  211.  
  212. Cut in half and stuffed with an assortment of half decent meat, good cheese, then toasted, and then stuffed with vegetables and a bad assortment of sauces(subway if it wasn't obvious),
  213.  
  214. Since I'm a writer, then that means I'll die by being written out of the story in some dramatic fashion, Whether or not my death will upset readers is beyond my own comprehension,
  215.  
  216. Game designer, so one of the virtual worlds I create will be so immersive that anyone who plays it will forget about their real life and become their character as their irl body wastes away, I'll be the first victim,
  217.  
  218. I'm a programmer, or more specifically a software engineer, Maybe I engineer something that ignores the laws of robotics and it kills me or something, Either that, or I get electrocuted putting a new graphics card in my rig l o l,
  219.  
  220. Right now I think I wanna go into meteorology, so following this while I'm driving through a thunderstorm all the clouds are gonna liquify and fall and kill me,
  221.  
  222. Reddit would become sentient, burst through my phone screen and scorch my eyes away with L E D lights,
  223. Netflix would arrive a second later wielding ear phones that have syringes attached to them, It would ram these into my ears and inject the audio from every single sunny episode directly into my brain, where it plays on repeat,
  224. My sightless stare is still fixed on the shattered screen of my phone, trying to realize why I can't see if anyone has up voted my last comment yet,
  225. I do not die instantly, I remain conscious as fried chicken deliveries arrive, It's the usual guy, Freddie, We're friends, I see him more than anyone else anyway,
  226. Freddie forces fried chicken into me until I'm so round my limbs don't touch the bed that I haven't left since Reddit showed up,
  227. Freddie rubs hot chicken grease on the window to my left and rolls me on my side so that my face is pressed against it,
  228. I remain in this position, licking ever more tepid grease and watching happy people walk the streets while a Danny Devito voice in my head offers my eggs,
  229. Eventually, my skin pops and snaps away to reveal a giant turd, the sum of my contribution to humanity,
  230.  
  231. The marquee tool in photo shop will select my body and delete, only to be left with a transparent void where I once belonged,
  232.  
  233. Counting money infinitely in a locked vault until it eventually swallows me whole in a sea of dollars and coin,and none of it’s my own,
  234.  
  235. i’m a high schooler, i’ll die by the US public education system oh, i’ve been dead for 7 years, oh, okay, cool,
  236.  
  237. Sad and alone or bludgeoned to death with an Xbox controller,
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