Beautiful Boy (2018)

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1
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[wind blowing, waves lapping]

2
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MAN:
So, this is for, uh,

3
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New York Times Magazine?

4
00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:42,085
No. I'm sorry, that...

5
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,695
there...

6
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mm... no, I freelance.

7
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I write
for different magazines,

8
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but this is a personal matter.

9
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A personal matter?

10
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,313
Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay?

11
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,923
No, it's absolutely okay.

12
00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,925
May I ask what-what this is
regarding and...?

13
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,710
Uh, it's about my son.

14
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,974
Okay. How can I help?

15
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[exhales]
He...

16
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:11,549
There are moments
that I look at him,

17
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,204
this kid that I raised,

18
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:17,381
who I thought I knew
inside and out,

19
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,167
and I wonder who he is.

20
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,910
He's been doing all sorts
of drugs,

21
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,999
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,

22
00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:31,830
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of 'em.

23
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And I guess I'm here

24
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:39,099
because I just want to know...

25
00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,927
all that I can about...

26
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:43,842
all of it.

27
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Know your enemies, right?

28
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,933
So...

29
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[sighs]

30
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,590
My two big questions are,

31
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wh-what is it doing to him,

32
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and what can I do to help him?

33
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[crickets chirping]

34
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[shoes wiping on mat]

35
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[footsteps approaching]

36
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[door opens]

37
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[light switch clicks]

38
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[David sighs]

39
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[crickets chirping]

40
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[crickets chirping]

41
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[line ringing]

42
00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:58,395
MAN: Marin General Hospital.
How may I help you?

43
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,746
DAVID:
Hi. My son has gone missing,

44
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,488
and I wanted to check
to see if he had...

45
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,186
uh, maybe had been brought in

46
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:09,493
or-or if-if there'd been
an accident.

47
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,279
Can I have name
and description, sir?

48
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Nicolas Sheff.

49
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S-H-E-F-F.

50
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,849
He is...

51
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,590
18 years old.

52
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:22,767
He is just over six feet tall.

53
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,508
About 130 pounds.

54
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,729
Maybe less.
I-I don't know. Um...

55
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He has shoulder-length
brown hair

56
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and green eyes.

57
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MAN:
Thank you. Please hold.

58
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DAVID:
Okay.

59
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,479
- Mr. Sheff?
- Yes.

60
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Uh, there's no one
by that name, sir.

61
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Okay. Thank you.

62
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[beep]

63
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[crickets chirping]

64
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[crickets chirping]

65
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DAVID:
He's been gone for two days.

66
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VICKI:
What do you mean he's gone?

67
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,357
- What's going on?
- I don't know.

68
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- I don't know.
- Two days?

69
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Why didn't you tell me sooner?

70
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,231
Uh, I didn't want
to worry you, I guess.

71
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,712
- I just...
- I'm his mother, David.

72
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Didn't you see this coming?

73
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Uh, no.

74
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,064
What?

75
00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:43,892
No, no, I didn't see it coming.

76
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If I'd seen it coming,
I would've done something.

77
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,331
It was just a question, David.
Jesus.

78
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,551
I haven't been talking with him
a lot lately.

79
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,727
Well, maybe that's why you
shouldn't be giving me advice

80
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,163
in parenting, right?

81
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Fuck, Vicki.

82
00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,646
Can we just not blame
each other right now? That's...

83
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,561
Who's blaming who here?

84
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If I hardly ever see him,
it's because he's supposed

85
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,478
to come to I.A.
for the holidays

86
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,523
but always finds a reason
not to come.

87
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,657
Well, that's not my fault,
is it?

88
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[birds chirping]

89
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♪

90
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,259
DAVID:
Nic.

91
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,478
[baby fussing]

92
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Here's your little brother.

93
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Tight.

94
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Just support his head.

95
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[whispering]

96
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,662
[crying]

97
00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,578
[Nic and David laugh]

98
00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:03,580
Hi, Jasper.

99
00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:06,278
- Hi, little boy.
- [fussing]

100
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,371
This is amazing.

101
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,376
[laughs]
He's sticking his tongue out.

102
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,552
[laughing]

103
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,730
Hi. Nice to meet you.

104
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,732
- Bye.
- Bye.

105
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,560
- I'll miss you this summer.
- Me, too.

106
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,649
- Okay, write me.
- Write me back.

107
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:29,998
Work on your French.

108
00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,391
- Oui, madame.
- [chuckles]

109
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Have a great summer.

110
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And say hi to your mom.

111
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,834
- Everything.
- Everything.

112
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,451
[engine whirring]

113
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♪

114
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:14,085
♪

115
00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,284
[Daisy squealing]

116
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[dog barking]

117
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JASPER:
Ya!

118
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,382
Come on.

119
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[Daisy and Jasper chattering
in distance]

120
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:04,353
[indistinct chatter
and laughter in distance]

121
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,667
[quietly]:
Hey.

122
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,408
- Where have you been?
- Yeah, I just need to sleep,

123
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,975
- all right?
- What have you been doing?

124
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I just need to sleep,
all right? Leave me alone.

125
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:24,112
Guys, go downstairs.

126
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,810
I'll be there in a minute.

127
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,901
[birds chirping]

128
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,615
[retching]

129
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,052
[coughing]

130
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:00,061
Ow.

131
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,682
- Look, man, I'm-I'm, uh...
- [sighs]

132
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:17,121
I'm really sorry, all right?
And-and I, uh...

133
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,384
I fucked up,
and it was a mistake, but...

134
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,735
it was a one-time mistake,
all right? I learned my lesson.

135
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:25,216
I don't want to go through this
shit again, all right? So...

136
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,348
- Let's just go inside.
- No.

137
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,828
They're professionals.

138
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,612
Let's just listen
to what they have to say.

139
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,396
Look, I'm 18, all right?!
You can't force me!

140
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,442
Hey.

141
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,751
This got out of hand, right?

142
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,535
Don't you think?

143
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,236
Come on.

144
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,761
All right.

145
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:51,591
Okay. Okay.

146
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:57,205
I'm doing it for you.

147
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,259
[indistinct chatter]

148
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,046
[siren wailing in distance]

149
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,583
He needs treatment. And fast.

150
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,281
There's still a lot of drugs
in his system.

151
00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,502
And, worst of all,
he's in denial.

152
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,984
Um, can you help him?

153
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,203
Oh, yeah. I mean,

154
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:42,206
a lot of the people here
are not here by choice.

155
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,644
And they have just
as much chance as anybody.

156
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,646
Okay.
[clears throat]

157
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,865
So, we have a free bed.

158
00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,651
So, if you want, we can check
him in for a 28-day treatment

159
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,522
and then we evaluate.

160
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,656
Um...

161
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,440
what is your success rate?

162
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,703
On the high end, 80%.

163
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,531
On the low end,

164
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,707
25%.

165
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,623
Look, he will have
daily consultations

166
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,843
with a staff psychiatrist
and physician.

167
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:13,803
We have daily N.A.
and A.A. meetings.

168
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,284
He'll be monitored
very closely.

169
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,896
Thank you.

170
00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:23,117
And last page.

171
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,381
Everything.

172
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,212
[whispers]:
Everything.

173
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,358
[indistinct chatter]

174
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,555
♪

175
00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:19,521
DAVID: Why are you
always in this room?

176
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,741
You hardly ever come out
of here.

177
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,525
It's like you're a vampire.

178
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,529
I read.

179
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,097
I draw.

180
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,708
You know what we should do?

181
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,754
We should go surfing.

182
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,538
Yeah.

183
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,409
That sound good?

184
00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,151
I'm kind of into other things
now, you know?

185
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,851
Reading misanthropes and
seriously depressed writers.

186
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,461
Oh, come on, they're...

187
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,202
they're kind of great,
though, right?

188
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,246
I get it.

189
00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:53,816
It'll pass, though.

190
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,818
It always does.

191
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,733
What does?

192
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,998
The feeling of being alienated
and isolated.

193
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,913
Huh, that really helps.

194
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,002
Thanks for the advice, Dad.

195
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,049
Okay.

196
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,487
All right. That was...

197
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,010
That came out wrong. I'm sorry.

198
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,491
Mm-mm.

199
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,850
NIC:
All right. Your-your idea.

200
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,939
Hey.

201
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,856
[whispers]:
Hey, Dad.

202
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,990
MAN: So, we feel
he's made great progress.

203
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,209
- Right, Nic?
- Hi. -Hey.

204
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,211
- KAREN: That's great.
- DAVID: That's great.

205
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,083
MAN: So we should maybe talk
about the coming weeks, Nic.

206
00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:45,650
Mm. I think I need to...
I think I need

207
00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:47,783
a little bit more time
in rehab. So if it's...

208
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,090
if it's all right
with you guys, I was wondering

209
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,743
if I could stay
in the halfway house here.

210
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:56,226
MAN: The halfway house
is an open living facility

211
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,228
with follow-up every night,

212
00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:01,753
and we would help him
find a job.

213
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,843
Right. I don't want to...

214
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,497
go to college...

215
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,891
- right now.
- DAVID: Oh?

216
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,894
Okay. Uh, um, and do what?

217
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:15,506
I think I need
to be independent.

218
00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,424
Dad, I'm telling you,
this is...

219
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,951
It's gonna be good.

220
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,561
DAVID:
What is he gonna do,

221
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,215
make coffee
for the rest of his life?

222
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,564
KAREN: You know what,
Frederick told me

223
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,566
that they have friends
that had a son

224
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,568
that did a four-week program
and that wasn't enough

225
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,831
and now he's doing
a year program.

226
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,399
I wish you wouldn't talk
to everybody about it.

227
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,142
What does that got to do
with anything?

228
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,926
To protect Nic.
I mean, at some point,

229
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,885
he's gonna want to get on
with his life.

230
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,930
And maybe it's best that
not everybody knows about this.

231
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,932
Okay.

232
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,501
Can we not make this about me?

233
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,937
Uh...
[sighs] All right.

234
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,331
Look, Nic needs some more time.

235
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,681
And that's fine.

236
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,074
- Okay?
- Okay.

237
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,249
Okay?

238
00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:03,903
Yeah, okay.

239
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,908
[children shouting
indistinctly]

240
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,432
- [phone ringing]
- [dog barking]

241
00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,173
Shh.

242
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,218
[dog continues barking]

243
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,395
David Sheff.

244
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:19,919
WOMAN [on phone]:
Hi, Mr. Sheff.

245
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,225
This is Annie Goldblum
from the Ohlhoff Center.

246
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,358
Oh, yes. Hi. Hello.

247
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,012
ANNIE: Listen,
I am sorry to disturb you,

248
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,884
but I need to inform you
about Nic.

249
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,278
Okay.

250
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,889
He left the facility today
during free time,

251
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,805
and he hasn't returned since.

252
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,198
[sighs]

253
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,547
I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff,

254
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,070
but please don't despair.

255
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,246
This happens.

256
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,509
[sighs] But I...

257
00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,903
I thought you said
he was doing so well.

258
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,951
You should think of this
as part of the process.

259
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,301
Relapse is a part of recovery.

260
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,259
Relapse is part of recovery?

261
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,306
Yeah. It-it's a part
of Nic's learning process.

262
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,090
Well, uh, that's...

263
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,528
that's like saying crashing
is part of pilot training.

264
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,270
Look, he'll be back,
and probably really quick.

265
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,142
[scoffs] Do you have somebody
out looking for him?

266
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,057
ANNIE:
It is not our responsibility

267
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,623
once he leaves the facility.

268
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,364
- DAVID: Okay.
- But he is welcome to...

269
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,366
[phone beeps]

270
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:19,456
["Territorial Pissings"
by Nirvana playing]

271
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,250
♪ When I was

272
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:33,296
[young Nic singing along]:
♪ An alien

273
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:38,519
♪ Cultures weren't opinions

274
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,825
♪ Gotta find a way,
to find a way ♪

275
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:43,437
♪ When I'm there

276
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,092
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

277
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,964
♪ I'd better wait

278
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,922
♪

279
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,881
Excuse me.

280
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,362
Have you seen a kid
hanging out around here?

281
00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,190
- No.
- No?

282
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,540
Okay, thank you.

283
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:04,414
♪ Just because
you're paranoid ♪

284
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:09,071
♪ Don't mean they're not
after you ♪

285
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,073
[music stops]

286
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,732
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

287
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:20,430
♪ When I'm there

288
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,650
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

289
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,522
- ♪ I'd better wait
- [thunder rumbles]

290
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:28,482
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

291
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:31,267
♪ I'd better wait

292
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,791
♪ Gotta find a way,
a better way ♪

293
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,403
♪ When I'm there

294
00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:38,013
♪ Gotta find a way

295
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,755
♪ Aah, aah!

296
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,800
♪ Aah!

297
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:45,238
- [song ends]
- [Nic retching]

298
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,848
Wow. They don't want
to deal with that.

299
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,110
Hey, Dad, you want
to smoke this?

300
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,329
- Hey, whoa.
- [Nic chuckling]

301
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,852
Wait. What...? Stop.

302
00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:52,114
- Put that away.
- We'll smoke this together.

303
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:53,768
No, no, no. No.
Are you cra...

304
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,422
- That's crazy.
- Well, I know you smoke.

305
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,032
- Y... Well, yeah. I...
- So let's smoke together.

306
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,642
No, no, no.
Occasionally, like...

307
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,383
- Look, let's smoke to...
let's smoke together. -Listen.

308
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,429
- Or I could just... You know what?
- No, stop it, stop it.

309
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,647
- Stop. Stop.
- I'll just light it here a...

310
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,779
You know what? You're right.

311
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:05,997
I'll just light it here alone.

312
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,564
- [Nic laughs]
- Don't. Occasionally,

313
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:08,826
- from time to time...
- Yeah?

314
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,785
I will have a hit or two
at a party,

315
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,569
but it's been a while,
so just...

316
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,093
Oh, okay, so then just smoke...

317
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,747
have-have a celebratory joint
with your son.

318
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:19,402
N-No. God, come on.
[chuckles]

319
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,143
No. No, you're amazing.

320
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,666
You got... you applied
to six colleges,

321
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,103
you got into all of them?

322
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,234
Yeah.

323
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,280
Stop doubting yourself.

324
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,020
Look at you.

325
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,589
Give me that. Give me that.

326
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,812
- [laughing]
- What? [laughs]

327
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:40,162
Nice-nice hit.
That was a good hit.

328
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,946
[both laughing]

329
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,427
- What?
- Well...

330
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:49,476
Thank you. This is a nice...

331
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,434
thing to do.

332
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,436
[muttering]

333
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,917
You did a lot of drugs, right?

334
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,745
I, uh...

335
00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,964
Yeah, I did my share.

336
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,444
I experimented
with some drugs.

337
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,967
- [laughs]
- I did.

338
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,448
[both laugh]

339
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:06,797
- But not harmless.
- What, is this...?

340
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,234
There was a guy, and...
No, no.

341
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,452
This is the lecture part?

342
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,193
- Right?
- [sighs] Yes.

343
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,673
Dad, you worry too much,
all right?

344
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,762
- Everyone does it.
- Just be careful.

345
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:17,243
It's just a little pot.
I'm just partying a little.

346
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,332
It's just... you know,
it's just once in a while.

347
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,724
Mm-hmm.

348
00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:22,987
I deserve to party
a little now.

349
00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:24,511
- "Deserve to party."
- I do.

350
00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:27,601
Look, it just... it takes
the edge off things.

351
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:31,126
It-it... it-it takes the edge
off of stupid all-day reality.

352
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,128
♪

353
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,304
Hmm.

354
00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:38,960
What is stupid about reality?

355
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,918
You know, just like...

356
00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:44,879
like daily, stupid things
that don't matter.

357
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,359
- Okay.
- [sighs]

358
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,317
You cannot say
dumb shit like that,

359
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,797
or you're gonna start
believing it.

360
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,494
Right.

361
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,149
["Sound and Vision"
by David Bowie playing]

362
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,240
♪ Blue, blue, electric blue

363
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,502
♪ That's the color

364
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,025
♪ Of my room

365
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,462
♪ Where I will live

366
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,727
♪ Blue, blue

367
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,254
♪ Pale blinds drawn all day

368
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,996
♪ Nothing to do,
nothing to say. ♪

369
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,222
Thanks for bringing that,
Karen.

370
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,877
[sighs]

371
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,751
This is my home.

372
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,624
DAVID: A couple of weeks ago,
you told me

373
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:38,193
that you had only done
crystal meth once.

374
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,152
And the story has to be bigger
than that, right?

375
00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,329
- Mm-hmm.
- There's more to it.

376
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,634
Yeah?

377
00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:45,896
David.

378
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,071
DAVID:
We need to know.

379
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,031
We need to know.

380
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,906
I think I always liked it.

381
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,995
What?

382
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,304
Anything. Pot, alcohol,

383
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:05,525
Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD.

384
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,004
[Nic sighs]

385
00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:09,355
And you've been doing
all of that

386
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:11,400
for what... years?

387
00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,446
A couple years, yeah.

388
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,144
And crystal meth?

389
00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,539
Just a couple months.

390
00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,281
Wh-Why?

391
00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:25,936
I don't know.

392
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:27,982
Um...

393
00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:35,642
When I tried it, I felt...

394
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:44,477
I felt better
than I ever had, so...

395
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,914
I just kept on doing it.

396
00:21:46,957 --> 00:21:50,178
I was worried that you
were smoking too much pot.

397
00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:54,704
Meanwhile, you're out doing
every drug on the planet?

398
00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:58,795
And hiding it and lying?

399
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,362
Why?

400
00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:03,670
- I don't know. Um...
- Why?

401
00:22:03,713 --> 00:22:05,367
- Nic, tell me why.
- KAREN: Ease up.

402
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,543
- I don't know.
- I thought we were close.

403
00:22:07,587 --> 00:22:09,850
I thought we were closer
than most fathers and sons.

404
00:22:09,893 --> 00:22:11,808
Yeah, I feel like you're
always disappointed in me.

405
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,288
You're disappointed
I didn't go to college.

406
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,463
Can you blame me?!

407
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:16,117
Just, uh, not too long ago,

408
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,337
you were reading and you
were writing, and you were on

409
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,773
the water polo team.

410
00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:21,340
And look at us now.

411
00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:22,863
- Dad... -Can you please stop?
- This isn't us.

412
00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,995
- This is not who we are.
- KAREN: Just, please,

413
00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,693
both of you, stop.

414
00:22:26,736 --> 00:22:29,609
Dad, I'm really sorry
about everything.

415
00:22:31,045 --> 00:22:33,221
Dad, I'm so...

416
00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:38,182
I'm really sorry, Dad.

417
00:22:39,314 --> 00:22:42,012
[David sighs]

418
00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:44,363
- Nic, what you have...
- [exhales]

419
00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,975
...you're gonna find it again.

420
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,673
[exhales]

421
00:22:50,717 --> 00:22:53,850
And you're gonna get it back.

422
00:22:53,894 --> 00:22:55,765
♪ Long afloat on

423
00:22:55,809 --> 00:22:57,376
Ow, ow, ow.

424
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:59,247
- Ow. There you go.
- ♪ Shipless oceans

425
00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:00,901
[dog barking]

426
00:23:00,944 --> 00:23:04,557
♪ I did all my best

427
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,472
♪ To smile

428
00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:10,998
♪ Till your singing

429
00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,522
♪ Eyes and fingers

430
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:18,440
♪ Drew me loving

431
00:23:18,484 --> 00:23:21,791
♪ To your isle

432
00:23:21,835 --> 00:23:23,314
♪ And you sang

433
00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:27,144
♪ Sail to me

434
00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:30,191
♪ Sail to me

435
00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:33,673
♪ Let me enfold you.

436
00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,676
DAVID:
Nic!

437
00:23:46,555 --> 00:23:48,557
Nic!

438
00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,255
Nic!

439
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,737
Nic!

440
00:24:05,139 --> 00:24:07,141
Nic!

441
00:24:08,795 --> 00:24:10,797
[seagulls squawking]

442
00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:16,280
[whooping]

443
00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:17,891
[laughing]

444
00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:22,983
NIC:
Hey, Dad.

445
00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:24,724
DAVID [on phone]:
Hey.

446
00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:26,377
How's New York?

447
00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:27,596
Fine. Good.

448
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:28,989
Good interview today.

449
00:24:29,032 --> 00:24:30,425
- Nice.
- How are you?

450
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,036
Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah.

451
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,690
Yeah? You sure?

452
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:36,518
Yeah. I don't... well...

453
00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:38,302
What?

454
00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:39,913
It's, uh...

455
00:24:39,956 --> 00:24:41,392
What's going on?

456
00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:44,308
Uh, we had this great
group session,

457
00:24:44,352 --> 00:24:46,920
and one of the guys here was
saying he would do anything

458
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,052
for a chance to go to college,
but he can't.

459
00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:51,098
- Okay. -And when we were
talking later, he said,

460
00:24:51,141 --> 00:24:53,317
"You could still go to college.
Don't be an idiot.

461
00:24:53,361 --> 00:24:55,319
Go to college."

462
00:24:56,582 --> 00:24:58,105
I don't know, it's just crazy.

463
00:24:58,148 --> 00:25:01,151
I realized I don't think
I should stay behind.

464
00:25:01,195 --> 00:25:02,370
I love writing.

465
00:25:02,413 --> 00:25:04,938
And I feel like I'm good at it,

466
00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:07,723
and I do it a lot, but...

467
00:25:07,767 --> 00:25:10,596
obviously, there's still a lot

468
00:25:10,639 --> 00:25:12,989
for-for me to learn and...

469
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,819
Anyway, um...

470
00:25:16,863 --> 00:25:19,648
I'd love to give it a go, if...

471
00:25:19,692 --> 00:25:22,521
you know, if it's all right
with you guys.

472
00:25:25,393 --> 00:25:28,875
Yeah. I'll talk to Karen
and to your mom.

473
00:25:29,919 --> 00:25:31,704
Back here.

474
00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:33,749
[quiet, indistinct
conversation]

475
00:25:37,274 --> 00:25:39,276
[indistinct conversation]

476
00:25:49,809 --> 00:25:51,811
[indistinct talking,
laughing nearby]

477
00:25:54,988 --> 00:25:56,598
Have you met your roommate yet?

478
00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:57,817
Yeah, he seems nice.

479
00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,906
He's just in the hall.

480
00:25:59,949 --> 00:26:01,211
I feel for you, though.

481
00:26:01,255 --> 00:26:02,604
[Nic laughs]

482
00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:03,997
Ouch.

483
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,564
No worries. I'll educate him.

484
00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:07,348
[David laughs]

485
00:26:07,391 --> 00:26:09,611
Before you know it, he'll be
listening to John Zorn.

486
00:26:09,655 --> 00:26:11,482
Ah.

487
00:26:13,702 --> 00:26:15,704
[sighs]

488
00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:21,841
Well, I better get going.

489
00:26:21,884 --> 00:26:23,233
All right.

490
00:26:34,941 --> 00:26:39,336
- Everything.
- Everything.

491
00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:41,382
- [indistinct chatter]
- [wheels rattling]

492
00:26:53,089 --> 00:26:54,787
NIC:
So, this is a poem

493
00:26:54,830 --> 00:26:56,397
by Charles Bukowski.

494
00:26:58,051 --> 00:27:02,446
Uh, this man saved my life
multiple times, so...

495
00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:06,015
"I changed jobs and cities,

496
00:27:06,059 --> 00:27:07,800
"I hated holidays,

497
00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:10,411
"babies, history,

498
00:27:10,454 --> 00:27:13,762
"newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,

499
00:27:13,806 --> 00:27:17,766
marriage, movies, spiders..."

500
00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:19,594
I want to see it,
I want to see it! Oh!

501
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,943
NIC:
"...garbagemen,

502
00:27:20,987 --> 00:27:22,249
- "English accents...
- Nice. Go, go, go!

503
00:27:22,292 --> 00:27:24,381
NIC:
"...Spain, France,

504
00:27:24,425 --> 00:27:28,429
"Italy, walnuts
and the color orange.

505
00:27:28,472 --> 00:27:34,087
"Algebra angered me,
opera sickened me,

506
00:27:34,130 --> 00:27:35,697
"Charlie Chaplin was a fake

507
00:27:35,741 --> 00:27:38,265
and flowers were for pansies."

508
00:27:42,008 --> 00:27:44,010
Thanks.

509
00:27:48,144 --> 00:27:50,146
[conversing indistinctly]

510
00:27:52,192 --> 00:27:54,934
["Svefn-g-englar"
by Sigur Rós playing]

511
00:27:59,939 --> 00:28:02,681
- [laughs]
- Come here.

512
00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:04,683
♪

513
00:28:08,295 --> 00:28:10,384
Mm.

514
00:28:10,427 --> 00:28:12,995
Hi. [laughs]

515
00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:22,701
[giggles]

516
00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:25,007
["Svefn-g-englar" continues,
with singing in Icelandic]

517
00:28:25,051 --> 00:28:27,967
[indistinct chatter]

518
00:28:28,010 --> 00:28:30,752
♪

519
00:28:30,796 --> 00:28:32,754
[indistinct chatter]

520
00:28:35,104 --> 00:28:36,627
Where's your bathroom?

521
00:28:36,671 --> 00:28:38,151
Hey, is there a bathroom
I can use?

522
00:28:38,194 --> 00:28:39,239
WOMAN:
Sure, honey.

523
00:28:39,282 --> 00:28:40,501
I'll show you where it is.

524
00:28:40,544 --> 00:28:42,111
Go right up, to the left.

525
00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:44,157
♪

526
00:28:56,082 --> 00:28:58,084
♪

527
00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:05,744
[indistinct chatter, laughter]

528
00:29:13,229 --> 00:29:15,231
♪

529
00:29:28,592 --> 00:29:30,290
[laughs]

530
00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:38,733
[indistinct chatter continues]

531
00:29:42,171 --> 00:29:44,130
♪

532
00:29:44,173 --> 00:29:46,175
[phone ringing]

533
00:29:46,219 --> 00:29:48,177
♪

534
00:29:48,221 --> 00:29:50,223
[phone ringing]

535
00:29:54,488 --> 00:29:56,838
- Hey, Dad.
- DAVID [on phone]: Hey, Nic.

536
00:29:56,882 --> 00:29:58,622
How you doing?
What's going on?

537
00:29:58,666 --> 00:30:00,059
Oh, no, everything's
going great here, yeah.

538
00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:01,538
Oh, hey, thanks for sending
the money.

539
00:30:01,582 --> 00:30:02,713
I really appreciate that.

540
00:30:02,757 --> 00:30:04,759
♪

541
00:30:15,901 --> 00:30:18,164
♪

542
00:30:32,482 --> 00:30:34,963
♪

543
00:30:49,021 --> 00:30:51,023
♪

544
00:31:05,602 --> 00:31:08,562
[laughter nearby]

545
00:31:08,605 --> 00:31:12,000
[indistinct chatter]

546
00:31:12,044 --> 00:31:14,046
♪

547
00:31:22,271 --> 00:31:24,447
[chiming quietly]

548
00:31:29,365 --> 00:31:31,977
DAVID [chuckles]: Yeah,
you always hog the fondue.

549
00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:34,501
Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil
are going hiking tomorrow,

550
00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:37,591
so they'd like us to join them.

551
00:31:37,634 --> 00:31:39,593
♪

552
00:31:39,636 --> 00:31:41,943
[mouthing]

553
00:31:41,987 --> 00:31:43,510
Are Jasper and Daisy here,
by any...?

554
00:31:43,553 --> 00:31:45,512
- They're not here.
- No?

555
00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,253
- No. -Oh, they didn't
want to see me?

556
00:31:47,296 --> 00:31:49,820
- No, they didn't want to see you.
- Oh, that's tough to hear.

557
00:31:49,864 --> 00:31:52,911
Uh, well, I'm gonna just have
a seat on this couch

558
00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:54,042
and think about that, huh?

559
00:31:54,086 --> 00:31:55,478
- Oh!
- Whoa! Whoa!

560
00:31:55,522 --> 00:31:58,873
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, it's Daisy!

561
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,483
Oh, Jasper!

562
00:32:00,527 --> 00:32:03,356
Oh, my God, you guys
have gotten so much bigger!

563
00:32:03,399 --> 00:32:06,402
Oh! Oh, my God, you're so...!
[yells]

564
00:32:07,664 --> 00:32:09,362
- DAVID: Okay.
- Denmark, 1632.

565
00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:11,538
- Oh, no.
- We...

566
00:32:11,581 --> 00:32:15,672
Like to look back
at the history of Hula-Hoops.

567
00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:18,240
NIC:
So important to, uh,

568
00:32:18,284 --> 00:32:20,590
the culture
of peace and wisdom.

569
00:32:20,634 --> 00:32:22,114
DAVID:
Um, a man

570
00:32:22,157 --> 00:32:24,420
- named George...
- Hoopulu.

571
00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:27,510
- [laughter]
- Was, uh... was, uh...

572
00:32:27,554 --> 00:32:29,208
And he thought...

573
00:32:29,251 --> 00:32:31,775
[mock Danish accent]:
"Well, I'm going to

574
00:32:31,819 --> 00:32:33,386
develop something that I..."

575
00:32:38,913 --> 00:32:40,262
Hey.

576
00:32:40,306 --> 00:32:43,178
- Hey. Uh...
- [sighs]

577
00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:45,659
Hey. Um...

578
00:32:45,702 --> 00:32:48,618
I was wondering, do you think
I could use your car tonight?

579
00:32:48,662 --> 00:32:51,056
'Cause I just...
I want to go to a meeting.

580
00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:53,014
Oh. You got a meeting tonight?

581
00:32:53,058 --> 00:32:54,885
Yeah, sure.

582
00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,629
Y-You good?

583
00:32:59,673 --> 00:33:01,327
[chuckles softly]:
Yeah. I just...

584
00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:04,025
- They're crazy.
- Yeah.

585
00:33:04,069 --> 00:33:06,723
They're really excited
you're home.

586
00:33:08,769 --> 00:33:11,598
- I mean, I'll see you
in the morning, I guess. -Okay.

587
00:33:13,295 --> 00:33:15,254
All right.

588
00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,573
[rock instrumental playing]

589
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,843
Yep! Mm!

590
00:33:39,887 --> 00:33:43,456
[mumbling incoherently]

591
00:33:48,374 --> 00:33:51,507
♪

592
00:33:53,857 --> 00:33:55,816
[distorted whirr
of passing car]

593
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,908
[inhales]

594
00:34:02,475 --> 00:34:04,216
JASPER:
Where is it?!

595
00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:05,782
DAISY:
I don't have it!

596
00:34:05,826 --> 00:34:07,306
JASPER:
Where is it?!

597
00:34:07,349 --> 00:34:08,872
DAISY:
I don't have it!

598
00:34:08,916 --> 00:34:10,700
DAVID:
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

599
00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:12,398
JASPER:
Where is it?!

600
00:34:12,441 --> 00:34:14,095
- DAVID: Guys, guys, stop it.
- DAISY: I don't know!

601
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:15,923
DAVID: Stop. Calm down.
What's going on in here?

602
00:34:15,966 --> 00:34:17,751
JASPER:
She took my money!

603
00:34:17,794 --> 00:34:19,187
DAISY [sobbing]:
I didn't.

604
00:34:19,231 --> 00:34:21,407
DAVID: Okay, all right.
Come on, go downstairs

605
00:34:21,450 --> 00:34:23,148
- and see Mommy, all right?
- You took them!

606
00:34:23,191 --> 00:34:25,106
- [sobbing] -Don't, don't,
don't. Stop, stop.

607
00:34:25,150 --> 00:34:28,153
- I didn't take it, Daddy.
- I know you didn't. All right.

608
00:34:28,196 --> 00:34:30,938
Just go downstairs
and have some breakfast.

609
00:34:30,981 --> 00:34:32,070
Hey, what happened?

610
00:34:32,113 --> 00:34:33,723
[Jasper shuddering]

611
00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:35,116
They're gone.

612
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,640
Okay. Are you sure
you had it in there?

613
00:34:37,684 --> 00:34:40,817
- Yeah. I had them yesterday.
- Okay.

614
00:34:47,824 --> 00:34:49,826
Jasper's savings disappeared.

615
00:34:51,828 --> 00:34:53,830
Yeah? That's weird.

616
00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:02,143
Did you take his eight dollars?

617
00:35:03,318 --> 00:35:04,798
[laughs]:
What?

618
00:35:04,841 --> 00:35:06,104
You heard me.

619
00:35:07,148 --> 00:35:08,889
Why would I?

620
00:35:08,932 --> 00:35:11,674
It disappeared, and somebody
has to have done it.

621
00:35:11,718 --> 00:35:13,589
Right, so it's me.

622
00:35:13,633 --> 00:35:16,026
This is fucking ridiculous.

623
00:35:16,070 --> 00:35:19,247
- [stammers, sighs]
- Are you using again?

624
00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:22,076
Am I using again? No.

625
00:35:24,078 --> 00:35:26,820
Are you high right now?

626
00:35:26,863 --> 00:35:28,474
What the f...? No.

627
00:35:28,517 --> 00:35:30,563
- Fuck you.
- "Fuck you"?

628
00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:32,086
Don't talk to me that way.

629
00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:33,696
Are you high right now?

630
00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:35,089
No.

631
00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,699
You're not using right now?

632
00:35:36,743 --> 00:35:38,136
Are you using?

633
00:35:38,179 --> 00:35:41,835
No, Dad,
I'm not fucking high right now!

634
00:35:41,878 --> 00:35:43,880
Okay.

635
00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:50,539
Listen, it was a gamble
to send you to college.

636
00:35:50,583 --> 00:35:53,281
Everybody supported it.

637
00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:55,283
I'm glad that you went.

638
00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:58,982
Relapse is a part of rec...

639
00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,941
Relapse is part of recovery.

640
00:36:00,984 --> 00:36:04,901
- So we're gonna get...
- I better leave.

641
00:36:13,301 --> 00:36:15,782
- David?
- Hey.

642
00:36:15,825 --> 00:36:18,567
Just... where-where
are you gonna go?

643
00:36:18,611 --> 00:36:20,874
You can't just leave.
This is ridiculous.

644
00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:22,528
- Come on.
- Will you talk to us?

645
00:36:22,571 --> 00:36:24,486
I mean, really...
we just want to talk to you.

646
00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:26,923
Why don't...
Try to help us understand.

647
00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:28,621
- Or just let us help you.
- All right?

648
00:36:28,664 --> 00:36:30,144
I don't want your fucking help.
Don't you understand that?

649
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,537
- No. -No, you don't.
Jesus Christ, then what

650
00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:32,886
the fuck is wrong
with you, then, huh?

651
00:36:32,929 --> 00:36:34,322
- What the hell is wrong
with you people? -Nic.

652
00:36:34,366 --> 00:36:35,845
- No! You fucking suffocate me.
- Hey.

653
00:36:35,889 --> 00:36:37,456
- Oh...
- You fucking suffocate me!

654
00:36:37,499 --> 00:36:39,936
Whoa, it's us?
We're the problem?

655
00:36:39,980 --> 00:36:42,200
No. You know what,
you're the one who's doing it!

656
00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:43,940
You're the one
who's causing it!

657
00:36:43,984 --> 00:36:46,204
And you're the only one
who can stop it!

658
00:36:46,247 --> 00:36:48,206
Fucking solve it!

659
00:37:09,662 --> 00:37:11,664
[grunts]

660
00:37:16,495 --> 00:37:17,539
Fuck!

661
00:37:18,584 --> 00:37:20,107
Fuck!

662
00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:23,110
[sniffs]

663
00:37:42,695 --> 00:37:44,697
♪

664
00:37:54,663 --> 00:37:56,665
[David sighs]

665
00:38:01,888 --> 00:38:03,716
[turns page]

666
00:38:16,946 --> 00:38:18,948
♪

667
00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:40,535
♪

668
00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,689
♪

669
00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,614
DR. BROWN:
So, this is for the, uh,

670
00:39:15,657 --> 00:39:17,355
New York Times Magazine?

671
00:39:17,398 --> 00:39:19,139
Oh, no.

672
00:39:19,182 --> 00:39:20,488
I'm a... I-I write.

673
00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,055
I freelance
for different magazines,

674
00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:25,145
but this is...
this is a personal matter.

675
00:39:25,188 --> 00:39:27,408
- A personal matter?
- Yes. I'm sorry.

676
00:39:27,452 --> 00:39:29,671
- Is that okay?
- Uh, no, it's absolutely okay.

677
00:39:29,715 --> 00:39:31,586
May I ask what-what
this is regarding?

678
00:39:31,630 --> 00:39:34,067
Uh, it's about my son.

679
00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:36,112
Okay.

680
00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:42,336
DAVID: He's been doing
all sorts of drugs,

681
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:44,251
but he's addicted
to crystal meth,

682
00:39:44,294 --> 00:39:48,081
which seems, uh, to be
the worst of all of them.

683
00:39:48,124 --> 00:39:50,388
And I guess I'm here

684
00:39:50,431 --> 00:39:54,130
because I just want to know
all that I can

685
00:39:54,174 --> 00:39:57,133
about all of it.

686
00:39:57,177 --> 00:39:59,701
So, uh, crystal meth, uh,

687
00:39:59,745 --> 00:40:01,616
gives the user a feeling
of instant euphoria...

688
00:40:01,660 --> 00:40:04,227
at least, when he takes it.

689
00:40:04,271 --> 00:40:05,446
You know,
but when it wears off,

690
00:40:05,490 --> 00:40:07,274
with a depletion
of as much as 60%

691
00:40:07,317 --> 00:40:10,233
of the dopamine,
the user has to up the doses.

692
00:40:10,277 --> 00:40:14,281
He has to double it, triple it
just to feel something,

693
00:40:14,324 --> 00:40:16,457
causing even more nerve damage,

694
00:40:16,501 --> 00:40:20,374
which, uh, increases
the compulsion to use.

695
00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:21,941
Horrible cycle.

696
00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,943
[typing]

697
00:40:23,986 --> 00:40:26,162
- What's up?
- Hey.

698
00:40:26,206 --> 00:40:28,904
Just doing some research.

699
00:40:46,356 --> 00:40:48,358
♪

700
00:40:56,192 --> 00:40:58,151
Hi.

701
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,289
Are you hungry?

702
00:41:06,333 --> 00:41:09,467
You want to get something?

703
00:41:09,510 --> 00:41:12,121
Most guys just ask me
for a blow job. [chuckles]

704
00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:15,734
Oh, no. No, I'm just
offering something to eat.

705
00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:18,171
Maybe talk a little,
if you're up to it.

706
00:41:18,214 --> 00:41:21,566
DR. BROWN: Meth changes
the brain physically.

707
00:41:21,609 --> 00:41:24,046
Here we see the loss
of dopamine receptors

708
00:41:24,090 --> 00:41:26,048
in a meth user's brain.

709
00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:29,661
Now, I'm gonna show you
something else here.

710
00:41:29,704 --> 00:41:32,402
Do you see, uh, right here
there are these two red, uh...

711
00:41:32,446 --> 00:41:34,013
- large, red spots right here?
- Yeah.

712
00:41:34,056 --> 00:41:36,798
Okay, what that shows is
hyperactivity in the amygdala.

713
00:41:36,842 --> 00:41:38,757
And the amygdala is a region
of the brain

714
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,281
that is linked
with anxiety and fear.

715
00:41:41,324 --> 00:41:43,457
Here the amygdala is screaming.

716
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,245
What this shows us

717
00:41:49,289 --> 00:41:51,683
is that there is
a biological basis,

718
00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:55,425
uh, that meth users
may be unable...

719
00:41:55,469 --> 00:41:57,558
not unwilling, but unable...

720
00:41:57,602 --> 00:42:00,561
to participate
in normal treatment programs.

721
00:42:00,605 --> 00:42:02,084
GIRL:
I was in rehab, too.

722
00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:04,739
Three times.

723
00:42:04,783 --> 00:42:07,220
Ran away every time. [chuckles]

724
00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:09,701
Why?

725
00:42:09,744 --> 00:42:11,920
It was hell.

726
00:42:11,964 --> 00:42:14,357
Wanted to die.

727
00:42:14,401 --> 00:42:16,359
Why was it hell?

728
00:42:16,403 --> 00:42:19,232
All that God shit.

729
00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:21,234
Also, you just don't know
how good it gets

730
00:42:21,277 --> 00:42:23,236
when it gets good.

731
00:42:23,279 --> 00:42:25,368
It's hard to explain.

732
00:42:25,412 --> 00:42:27,283
Feels like cocaine

733
00:42:27,327 --> 00:42:28,894
but multiplied
by, like, a thousand.

734
00:42:28,937 --> 00:42:30,591
Or, like, a million.

735
00:42:30,635 --> 00:42:33,246
DAVID:
What does this mean for Nic?

736
00:42:33,289 --> 00:42:35,248
Look, Mr. Sheff, I...

737
00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:38,207
I don't know
who promised you what,

738
00:42:38,251 --> 00:42:42,255
but the success percentage
is in the single digits.

739
00:42:42,298 --> 00:42:44,170
[exhales, chuckles]

740
00:42:44,213 --> 00:42:45,563
Okay.

741
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:50,437
What about your parents?

742
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,613
What about them?

743
00:42:52,657 --> 00:42:55,485
Don't you think
they're worried about you?

744
00:42:55,529 --> 00:42:58,010
Shouldn't you...

745
00:42:58,053 --> 00:43:00,316
let them know that...

746
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,623
They don't care.

747
00:43:02,667 --> 00:43:06,018
Well, I think they do.

748
00:43:07,062 --> 00:43:10,065
What the fuck do you know?

749
00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:18,813
I gotta go.

750
00:43:18,857 --> 00:43:22,034
Oh. Okay.

751
00:43:25,385 --> 00:43:27,953
Thanks.

752
00:43:33,001 --> 00:43:35,003
[indistinct chatter]

753
00:43:45,579 --> 00:43:48,364
- Hey!
- Hey! Hey, now!

754
00:43:48,408 --> 00:43:50,889
[indistinct chatter continues]

755
00:43:57,069 --> 00:43:59,158
[indistinct chatter]

756
00:44:09,298 --> 00:44:11,649
[crickets chirping]

757
00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:31,233
[sighs]

758
00:44:38,066 --> 00:44:41,374
[sniffs]

759
00:44:41,417 --> 00:44:43,811
[grunting]

760
00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:46,988
God.

761
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,704
[jazz playing]

762
00:45:19,020 --> 00:45:20,413
[computer chimes]

763
00:45:20,456 --> 00:45:22,110
[sighs]

764
00:45:23,111 --> 00:45:25,113
[computer chimes]

765
00:45:29,770 --> 00:45:31,946
♪

766
00:45:53,185 --> 00:45:56,144
[takes deep breath]

767
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,202
[indistinct chatter]

768
00:46:15,860 --> 00:46:17,775
DAVID: I'm gonna try
some Klingon on you.

769
00:46:17,818 --> 00:46:18,906
Ready?

770
00:46:20,168 --> 00:46:23,519
[speaking mock Klingon]

771
00:46:27,523 --> 00:46:29,699
- You know what I said?
- May I have a Coca-Cola?

772
00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:31,136
- Exactly.
- [both laugh]

773
00:46:31,179 --> 00:46:32,964
DAVID [chuckling]:
That's it.

774
00:46:33,007 --> 00:46:34,966
That's exactly what I asked.

775
00:46:35,009 --> 00:46:36,445
Can I have a Coca-Cola?

776
00:46:36,489 --> 00:46:38,360
All right.
If you ask me in Klingon,

777
00:46:38,404 --> 00:46:40,406
maybe I'll get you a Coke.

778
00:46:41,494 --> 00:46:43,496
[speaking mock Klingon]

779
00:46:57,989 --> 00:47:00,121
Hey.

780
00:47:12,655 --> 00:47:14,614
Oh, wow.

781
00:47:16,050 --> 00:47:18,270
[chuckles]
This hasn't changed at all.

782
00:47:18,313 --> 00:47:21,403
[laughs] This place.

783
00:47:22,535 --> 00:47:24,232
- Hey.
- So, how you doing?

784
00:47:24,276 --> 00:47:25,668
I'm doing great.

785
00:47:25,712 --> 00:47:27,888
You know, just, um...

786
00:47:27,932 --> 00:47:29,716
um...

787
00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:31,718
just doing
what needs to be done.

788
00:47:32,762 --> 00:47:34,590
What does that mean?

789
00:47:34,634 --> 00:47:38,377
Just being responsible
for myself and...

790
00:47:38,420 --> 00:47:40,640
I've quit on my own,
you know, so...

791
00:47:40,683 --> 00:47:42,816
I got five days now.

792
00:47:44,426 --> 00:47:46,689
I feel like I'm doing well,
but I just need, um...

793
00:47:46,733 --> 00:47:49,867
I just need
a few hundred bucks, though.

794
00:47:49,910 --> 00:47:51,607
Nic, I can't give you
any money.

795
00:47:53,609 --> 00:47:55,568
Yeah.

796
00:47:55,611 --> 00:47:57,831
Okay.

797
00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,572
It's just 200 bucks.
I just need, um...

798
00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:01,139
I just need to get
some shit together.

799
00:48:01,182 --> 00:48:02,444
I want to go to New York.

800
00:48:02,488 --> 00:48:04,751
- New York?
- Yeah.

801
00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:06,622
I need to get out
of San Francisco.

802
00:48:06,666 --> 00:48:08,320
There's too many...

803
00:48:08,363 --> 00:48:10,235
[laughing]: All these
fucking bad vibes here

804
00:48:10,278 --> 00:48:13,194
all the time.

805
00:48:13,238 --> 00:48:15,109
Yeah, I just need
a few hundred bucks.

806
00:48:15,153 --> 00:48:17,503
Why don't we just have lunch
and talk?

807
00:48:17,546 --> 00:48:20,071
- We can do that, right?
- Mm.

808
00:48:20,114 --> 00:48:21,681
Hmm.

809
00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:28,775
How... how's Karen
and, uh... and the kids?

810
00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:32,213
Okay. They ask about you.

811
00:48:32,257 --> 00:48:35,129
It's their step-up next week,
and I know they'd love you...

812
00:48:35,173 --> 00:48:37,044
Dad, you're, uh... you're
guilt-tripping me, all right?

813
00:48:37,088 --> 00:48:38,567
No, I'm just saying...

814
00:48:38,611 --> 00:48:40,874
I should feel horrible
about myself.

815
00:48:42,397 --> 00:48:47,011
I know they wanted you
to be there, that's all.

816
00:48:47,054 --> 00:48:48,708
I'm sorry, Dad.

817
00:48:48,751 --> 00:48:52,233
Um... I just need
some fucking money, all right?

818
00:48:52,277 --> 00:48:53,713
So please just give me
some fucking money.

819
00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:55,019
And then what?
Where does this end?

820
00:48:55,062 --> 00:48:56,585
This is... I got
to see this one through.

821
00:48:56,629 --> 00:48:58,196
This is kind of working out
for me right now.

822
00:48:58,239 --> 00:48:59,501
- I got five days sober.
- It doesn't look

823
00:48:59,545 --> 00:49:00,763
like it's working out, Nic.

824
00:49:00,807 --> 00:49:01,939
Oh, it doesn't look
like it's working out?

825
00:49:01,982 --> 00:49:02,852
- So what, then,
therapy? Huh? -No.

826
00:49:02,896 --> 00:49:04,289
- You can come home.
- No.

827
00:49:04,332 --> 00:49:05,768
- That wouldn't...
- We'll make it work. Please.

828
00:49:05,812 --> 00:49:07,292
Nic.

829
00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,338
Please.

830
00:49:17,128 --> 00:49:19,695
- I've been doing some research.
- Been doing fucking research?

831
00:49:19,739 --> 00:49:21,741
- You got to be kidding me, Dad.
- No...

832
00:49:21,784 --> 00:49:23,743
You think that you have this
under control.

833
00:49:23,786 --> 00:49:26,876
- Mm-hmm. -And I understand
how scared you are.

834
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:28,878
I understand why I do things...
it doesn't make me

835
00:49:28,922 --> 00:49:31,403
any different, all right?
I'm attracted to craziness.

836
00:49:31,446 --> 00:49:33,405
And you're just embarrassed,
'cause I was, like, you know...

837
00:49:33,448 --> 00:49:34,667
I was, like,
this amazing thing,

838
00:49:34,710 --> 00:49:36,625
like, your special creation
or something,

839
00:49:36,669 --> 00:49:39,019
- and you don't like who I am now.
- Yeah?

840
00:49:39,063 --> 00:49:40,760
- Who are you, Nic?
- This is me, Dad.

841
00:49:40,803 --> 00:49:42,805
Here. This is who I am.

842
00:49:50,074 --> 00:49:52,163
You don't like what you see?

843
00:49:58,604 --> 00:50:02,869
You know,
the more I think about it...

844
00:50:02,912 --> 00:50:05,132
Mom should've gotten custody.

845
00:50:05,176 --> 00:50:07,700
Because you always
gotta be fucking

846
00:50:07,743 --> 00:50:09,571
controlling everything
all the time.

847
00:50:09,615 --> 00:50:12,139
You're allowed to be mad
at me, Nic. I made mistakes.

848
00:50:12,183 --> 00:50:15,055
I understand that. I wish
that I hadn't, but I did.

849
00:50:15,099 --> 00:50:17,884
But, God,
what you're saying right now

850
00:50:17,927 --> 00:50:20,930
- doesn't make any sense.
- You're doing this right now!

851
00:50:20,974 --> 00:50:22,671
- You're fucking controlling me right now!
- It's not you.

852
00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,543
It is not you, Nic.
It is the drugs talking.

853
00:50:24,586 --> 00:50:25,718
What does that
even fucking mean, huh?

854
00:50:25,761 --> 00:50:27,154
Psychological terror.

855
00:50:27,198 --> 00:50:28,721
- It's what addicts do.
- What the fuck

856
00:50:28,764 --> 00:50:30,027
are you doing right now, huh?

857
00:50:30,070 --> 00:50:32,942
What is this?
What are you doing, huh?

858
00:50:40,994 --> 00:50:42,996
[sighs]:
Oh, man.

859
00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:49,046
I didn't want it to go
like this. [smacks lips]

860
00:50:50,917 --> 00:50:52,745
[chuckles]

861
00:50:52,788 --> 00:50:54,355
All right.

862
00:50:54,399 --> 00:50:56,053
I should go, Dad.

863
00:50:56,096 --> 00:50:58,142
[Nic sighs heavily]

864
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,451
- Let me... let me book you a room.
- No, Dad.

865
00:51:03,495 --> 00:51:06,193
- At a hotel for a couple of nights.
- No. Dad...

866
00:51:06,237 --> 00:51:09,457
- Why don't we just go get some food?
- Dad, I should go.

867
00:51:11,024 --> 00:51:12,286
Can you say good-bye, at least?

868
00:51:12,330 --> 00:51:13,853
Bye, Dad.

869
00:51:16,769 --> 00:51:18,379
[door opens]

870
00:51:21,078 --> 00:51:22,296
[door closes]

871
00:51:25,604 --> 00:51:27,562
JASPER:
Where does he sleep?

872
00:51:27,606 --> 00:51:30,130
DAVID: Um, don't worry
about that, sweetie.

873
00:51:30,174 --> 00:51:31,305
He's fine.

874
00:51:36,354 --> 00:51:38,747
Um...

875
00:51:38,791 --> 00:51:41,576
maybe he has a friend
and he sleeps there.

876
00:51:41,620 --> 00:51:45,319
- DAVID: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe.
- DAISY: Dolphin.

877
00:51:45,363 --> 00:51:47,104
- DAVID: Hope so.
- DAISY: Need "E."

878
00:51:47,147 --> 00:51:48,496
Elephant.

879
00:51:48,540 --> 00:51:50,672
- Can I call him?
- Hmm.

880
00:51:50,716 --> 00:51:52,457
- No. I tried.
- [Daisy speaks indistinctly]

881
00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:55,547
- His phone's disconnected.
- Can I send him a message?

882
00:51:55,590 --> 00:51:59,899
Maybe he'll get lonely
and turn his phone back on?

883
00:51:59,942 --> 00:52:02,336
That's a good idea.

884
00:52:02,380 --> 00:52:04,338
Yeah. Let's try that.

885
00:52:04,382 --> 00:52:07,124
[Daisy speaks indistinctly]

886
00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:09,561
[crickets chirping softly]

887
00:52:27,883 --> 00:52:30,277
- ♪
- [typing]

888
00:52:49,122 --> 00:52:51,516
[vehicle passing by]

889
00:52:58,479 --> 00:53:00,177
KAREN [calls]:
Dave.

890
00:53:00,220 --> 00:53:02,527
- Yeah?
- [quietly]: Okay. Let's go.

891
00:53:03,528 --> 00:53:06,226
[footsteps approaching]

892
00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:08,228
Hey, Dave, close your eyes.

893
00:53:08,272 --> 00:53:09,795
Okay.

894
00:53:13,277 --> 00:53:15,235
And... open 'em!

895
00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:18,282
[whispers]:
Oh. Wow.

896
00:53:18,325 --> 00:53:19,718
Wow!

897
00:53:19,761 --> 00:53:22,373
[faint, distorted voices
of children singing]

898
00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:27,204
- [waves lapping gently]
- [faint singing continues]

899
00:53:40,347 --> 00:53:43,785
[voices fade]

900
00:53:46,745 --> 00:53:49,748
[waves continue lapping]

901
00:53:56,363 --> 00:53:58,800
[phone ringing]

902
00:54:08,723 --> 00:54:11,160
[phone continues ringing]

903
00:54:17,950 --> 00:54:19,647
Hello?

904
00:54:19,691 --> 00:54:22,476
This is Julie Ford at the
Bellevue Hospital in New York.

905
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,348
Is Nic Sheff your son?

906
00:54:27,916 --> 00:54:29,440
MAN:
Uh, Mr. Sheff,

907
00:54:29,483 --> 00:54:31,920
I'm sorry
we missed each other earlier.

908
00:54:31,964 --> 00:54:35,097
So, Nic is still experiencing
some respiratory depression,

909
00:54:35,141 --> 00:54:37,012
but his vital signs
are returning.

910
00:54:37,056 --> 00:54:39,406
Sir, we're ready for departure.

911
00:54:39,450 --> 00:54:40,929
Okay, okay.

912
00:54:40,973 --> 00:54:43,584
Um... may I talk to him?

913
00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:46,021
- No, that won't be possible.
- Sir, I need you to turn off

914
00:54:46,065 --> 00:54:47,675
- the phone. -Believe me,
we shouldn't wake him up.

915
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:49,590
- Mm-hmm. -Try again
in a few hours, though, okay?

916
00:54:49,634 --> 00:54:52,593
- Okay. Uh, would you let him
know that... -Sir. Sir.

917
00:54:52,637 --> 00:54:56,031
- Please. -Would you please let
him know that I'm on my way?

918
00:54:56,075 --> 00:54:57,468
[ding]

919
00:54:58,425 --> 00:54:59,644
[beep]

920
00:54:59,687 --> 00:55:01,472
[indistinct announcement
over P.A.]

921
00:55:01,515 --> 00:55:04,388
♪

922
00:55:04,431 --> 00:55:05,606
WOMAN:
He checked out.

923
00:55:05,650 --> 00:55:06,868
DAVID:
What?

924
00:55:06,912 --> 00:55:08,348
Against doctor's orders.

925
00:55:08,392 --> 00:55:10,437
- No, no, he O.D.'d.
- I'm sorry, sir.

926
00:55:10,481 --> 00:55:12,787
He pulled out the I.V.
and catheter, and left.

927
00:55:12,831 --> 00:55:14,223
How long ago?

928
00:55:14,267 --> 00:55:16,704
Ten to 15 minutes.

929
00:55:16,748 --> 00:55:19,141
I'm sorry, sir.

930
00:55:19,185 --> 00:55:21,535
♪

931
00:55:25,278 --> 00:55:27,628
["Darling"
by the Chips playing]

932
00:55:30,370 --> 00:55:33,025
♪ Darling,
I need your love... ♪

933
00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:38,030
[sighs]

934
00:55:38,073 --> 00:55:40,467
[phone ringing]

935
00:55:42,817 --> 00:55:44,776
- [beep]
- Yes.

936
00:55:44,819 --> 00:55:46,995
[Nic crying]

937
00:55:47,039 --> 00:55:49,215
- [bell jingling]
- ♪ Your love

938
00:55:49,258 --> 00:55:52,479
♪ Darling, I need your love

939
00:55:52,523 --> 00:55:54,655
♪ Darling

940
00:55:54,699 --> 00:55:58,659
♪ I love you so

941
00:55:58,703 --> 00:56:02,663
♪ And I want the whole world
to know ♪

942
00:56:02,707 --> 00:56:05,405
♪ I'll never let you go...

943
00:56:05,449 --> 00:56:07,494
NIC:
Look, I've thought about it,

944
00:56:07,538 --> 00:56:09,409
and I'm done with drugs.

945
00:56:09,453 --> 00:56:11,542
This is it.

946
00:56:13,935 --> 00:56:16,329
I'm telling you, Dad.

947
00:56:16,373 --> 00:56:18,331
I'm done.

948
00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:22,379
♪ You're all I ever dream of

949
00:56:23,945 --> 00:56:27,384
♪ Never leave me...

950
00:56:28,515 --> 00:56:30,909
And how would that work?

951
00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:34,434
I mean,
after what just happened.

952
00:56:34,478 --> 00:56:38,307
- ♪ Oh...
- ♪ Stay with me

953
00:56:38,351 --> 00:56:42,311
♪ Oh, stay with me,
oh, darling ♪

954
00:56:42,355 --> 00:56:45,706
- ♪ Darling, I need your kiss
- [crying]

955
00:56:45,750 --> 00:56:48,230
♪ Your love I can't resist...

956
00:56:49,667 --> 00:56:51,799
REPORTER:
Now, if you're in the area,

957
00:56:51,843 --> 00:56:53,410
evacuation orders and details,

958
00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:55,716
including relocation centers,
can be found on...

959
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,110
DAVID: So, at 3:00,
we have a conference call

960
00:56:58,153 --> 00:56:59,720
with the intake people
in Mississippi.

961
00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:01,069
REPORTER:
That's all for now.

962
00:57:01,113 --> 00:57:02,723
DAVID:
3:30, the one in New Mexico.

963
00:57:02,767 --> 00:57:04,725
And 4:00, the one in Oregon.

964
00:57:04,769 --> 00:57:07,467
VICKI: I did some research
on the one in New Mexico.

965
00:57:07,511 --> 00:57:10,818
- DAVID: Mm-hmm.
- They charge $40,000 a month.

966
00:57:10,862 --> 00:57:12,429
You know,
it's not even that well rated.

967
00:57:12,472 --> 00:57:14,518
We'll just skip that one.

968
00:57:14,561 --> 00:57:17,303
VICKI: Listen, if a spot
opens up here in Los Angeles,

969
00:57:17,346 --> 00:57:19,523
maybe that's the best solution
for now.

970
00:57:19,566 --> 00:57:22,526
- I'll hear back from them
in an hour. -Mm.

971
00:57:23,788 --> 00:57:25,746
Give it a rest, David.

972
00:57:25,790 --> 00:57:27,922
Why don't you let me
take over for now?

973
00:57:33,275 --> 00:57:34,799
Mm.

974
00:57:34,842 --> 00:57:36,627
YOUNG NIC:
Dad?

975
00:57:36,670 --> 00:57:38,455
DAVID:
Yeah.

976
00:57:38,498 --> 00:57:42,415
YOUNG NIC: Will you check on me
every 15 minutes?

977
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,809
DAVID:
Yes.

978
00:57:50,815 --> 00:57:54,079
♪ Close your eyes

979
00:57:54,122 --> 00:57:57,517
♪ Have no fear

980
00:57:57,561 --> 00:57:59,693
♪ The monster's gone

981
00:57:59,737 --> 00:58:01,652
♪ He's on the run

982
00:58:01,695 --> 00:58:05,307
♪ And your daddy's here

983
00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:08,659
♪ Beautiful, beautiful

984
00:58:08,702 --> 00:58:10,051
♪ Beautiful

985
00:58:10,095 --> 00:58:13,098
♪ Beautiful boy

986
00:58:16,188 --> 00:58:18,277
♪ Beautiful, beautiful

987
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:19,800
♪ Beautiful

988
00:58:19,844 --> 00:58:22,324
DAVID and JOHN LENNON:
♪ Beautiful boy

989
00:58:22,368 --> 00:58:24,675
Do you want to bring
one of your dinosaurs, too?

990
00:58:24,718 --> 00:58:27,721
DAVID and LENNON:
♪ Before you cross the street

991
00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:29,549
How about a book?

992
00:58:29,593 --> 00:58:31,203
♪ Take my hand

993
00:58:31,246 --> 00:58:33,771
No? Okay.

994
00:58:33,814 --> 00:58:36,121
♪ Life is what happens to you

995
00:58:36,164 --> 00:58:37,992
♪ While you're busy

996
00:58:38,036 --> 00:58:41,256
- ♪ Making other plans
- You ready?

997
00:58:41,300 --> 00:58:42,997
[whispers]:
Hey. Hey.

998
00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:45,260
JOHN LENNON:
♪ Darling, darling...

999
00:58:45,304 --> 00:58:47,393
Can I have a hug?

1000
00:58:47,436 --> 00:58:48,481
No?

1001
00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,048
Why not?

1002
00:58:50,091 --> 00:58:52,572
Are you mad at me?

1003
00:58:52,616 --> 00:58:54,748
'Cause you have to go?

1004
00:58:55,749 --> 00:58:57,403
Okay.

1005
00:58:57,446 --> 00:59:01,276
Well... you'll be happy
to see Mommy, though, right?

1006
00:59:03,322 --> 00:59:05,280
I want you to know something.

1007
00:59:05,324 --> 00:59:07,718
When you come back,
I'm gonna be here...

1008
00:59:07,761 --> 00:59:10,851
right... I'm gonna be
right here for you.

1009
00:59:10,895 --> 00:59:12,636
Okay?

1010
00:59:12,679 --> 00:59:15,856
And call me when you miss me,
and I'll call you.

1011
00:59:17,118 --> 00:59:19,556
Do you know
how much I love you?

1012
00:59:26,519 --> 00:59:30,654
If you could take all the words
in the language,

1013
00:59:30,697 --> 00:59:33,831
it still wouldn't describe
how much I love you.

1014
00:59:33,874 --> 00:59:37,095
And if you could gather
all those words together,

1015
00:59:37,138 --> 00:59:39,880
it still wouldn't describe
what I feel for you.

1016
00:59:39,924 --> 00:59:42,883
What I feel for you
is everything.

1017
00:59:44,711 --> 00:59:47,584
I love you
more than everything.

1018
00:59:49,281 --> 00:59:51,631
Everything?

1019
00:59:51,675 --> 00:59:53,328
Yeah, everything.

1020
01:00:01,946 --> 01:00:05,384
[jet engines whooshing]

1021
01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:15,046
[indistinct chatter]

1022
01:00:25,491 --> 01:00:27,493
Hey.

1023
01:00:27,536 --> 01:00:29,713
That's my mom.

1024
01:00:29,756 --> 01:00:32,716
I'm really glad
you came to I.A.

1025
01:00:32,759 --> 01:00:34,631
You know that, right?

1026
01:00:40,506 --> 01:00:42,682
[crying]: You just don't know
what it is to be...

1027
01:00:42,726 --> 01:00:44,684
- Please don't do this, Mom.
- Okay.

1028
01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,904
[whispers]:
I'm sorry. Okay.

1029
01:00:51,299 --> 01:00:53,519
[Vicki groans]

1030
01:00:53,562 --> 01:00:56,174
All I could think about
was you.

1031
01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:04,530
I know this must sound
meaningless, but I'm sorry.

1032
01:01:08,055 --> 01:01:10,275
[softly]:
I'm-I'm sorry.

1033
01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:13,408
Oh, Nicky.

1034
01:01:13,452 --> 01:01:15,541
[Vicki sighs]

1035
01:01:15,584 --> 01:01:17,586
[Vicki mutters quietly]

1036
01:01:19,153 --> 01:01:21,678
You are such a darling.

1037
01:01:21,721 --> 01:01:23,680
You know that, right?

1038
01:01:24,768 --> 01:01:26,639
[kiss]

1039
01:01:28,032 --> 01:01:30,164
[sighs]:
Whew.

1040
01:01:36,083 --> 01:01:37,781
[exhales]

1041
01:01:37,824 --> 01:01:39,826
♪

1042
01:01:44,222 --> 01:01:46,180
Hey, come on, old man!

1043
01:01:46,224 --> 01:01:48,443
- You're being so disrespectful.
- I'm not being disrespectful.

1044
01:01:48,487 --> 01:01:50,750
You're being so disrespectful.

1045
01:01:50,794 --> 01:01:52,752
[both grunting]

1046
01:01:52,796 --> 01:01:54,406
- I'm coming for you!
- Oh, motherfucker!

1047
01:01:54,449 --> 01:01:57,365
Uh-huh. You about
to look at my ass, baby!

1048
01:01:57,409 --> 01:01:59,672
- You about to look at my ass!
- [laughing]

1049
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:02,762
[grunting, indistinct talking]

1050
01:02:02,806 --> 01:02:06,287
♪

1051
01:02:08,420 --> 01:02:10,074
[panting]:
Fuck.

1052
01:02:19,953 --> 01:02:22,173
[objects in box clatter]

1053
01:02:22,216 --> 01:02:23,740
[chuckles]

1054
01:02:23,783 --> 01:02:25,350
♪

1055
01:02:30,964 --> 01:02:33,140
[indistinct chatter]

1056
01:02:33,184 --> 01:02:34,663
That's what I get for helping.

1057
01:02:34,707 --> 01:02:36,491
- [grunting]
- Why'd you pull that hard?

1058
01:02:36,535 --> 01:02:38,885
- [laughing]: I'm sorry.
- Why do you hate me?

1059
01:02:39,886 --> 01:02:41,888
♪

1060
01:02:54,596 --> 01:02:56,598
How does this feel?

1061
01:03:00,864 --> 01:03:04,128
Like I'm a real human being.

1062
01:03:05,390 --> 01:03:08,872
[indistinct chatter, laughter]

1063
01:03:08,915 --> 01:03:12,049
[Spencer coughs, whoops]

1064
01:03:12,092 --> 01:03:15,661
NIC: One day,
I tried methamphetamine...

1065
01:03:15,704 --> 01:03:18,142
Yeah. That felt good.

1066
01:03:18,185 --> 01:03:20,666
...and I thought,

1067
01:03:20,709 --> 01:03:23,103
"This is what's been missing."

1068
01:03:23,147 --> 01:03:25,802
I felt complete.

1069
01:03:25,845 --> 01:03:27,847
SPENCER:
Today's a good day.

1070
01:03:27,891 --> 01:03:30,719
NIC: Yeah, I've been
chasing that high

1071
01:03:30,763 --> 01:03:32,721
ever since.

1072
01:03:32,765 --> 01:03:34,723
No matter...

1073
01:03:34,767 --> 01:03:36,725
how much meth...

1074
01:03:36,769 --> 01:03:40,686
or whatever else I can find
to shoot up into my body...

1075
01:03:40,729 --> 01:03:43,167
I do, it's never enough.

1076
01:03:43,210 --> 01:03:44,995
[others murmuring quietly]

1077
01:03:46,474 --> 01:03:49,869
And I went
to a couple of rehabs,

1078
01:03:49,913 --> 01:03:51,479
I detoxed,

1079
01:03:51,523 --> 01:03:54,265
they would talk
about disease, sure,

1080
01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:55,875
but...

1081
01:03:55,919 --> 01:03:57,616
it never clicked.

1082
01:04:00,488 --> 01:04:04,710
Until one day
I woke up in a hospital

1083
01:04:04,753 --> 01:04:08,018
and someone asked me,

1084
01:04:08,061 --> 01:04:10,498
"What's your problem?"

1085
01:04:13,327 --> 01:04:16,548
And I said, "I'm an alcoholic
and an addict."

1086
01:04:16,591 --> 01:04:18,376
And he said...

1087
01:04:18,419 --> 01:04:21,596
"No, that's how you've
been treating your problem."

1088
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,598
- OTHERS: Mm-hmm.
- That's right.

1089
01:04:23,642 --> 01:04:27,037
I know now I need to find a way

1090
01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:30,344
to fill this...

1091
01:04:30,388 --> 01:04:32,477
big...

1092
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:34,783
black hole in me.

1093
01:04:39,005 --> 01:04:40,877
Anyway, so...

1094
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:44,010
- I'm 14 months clean.
- [others murmuring quietly]

1095
01:04:44,054 --> 01:04:46,230
I have a job at a rehab.

1096
01:04:47,753 --> 01:04:50,016
It's fulfilling
to help other people get sober.

1097
01:04:50,060 --> 01:04:52,497
[others murmuring]

1098
01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:55,717
I have a sponsor, Spencer.

1099
01:04:55,761 --> 01:04:58,590
Shows me how great
my life can be sober.

1100
01:05:00,026 --> 01:05:02,420
And, um, I still have family.

1101
01:05:04,422 --> 01:05:07,207
My mom's been amazing.

1102
01:05:07,251 --> 01:05:10,080
My dad's been amazing, too.

1103
01:05:10,123 --> 01:05:13,387
["Heart of Gold"
by Neil Young playing]

1104
01:05:13,431 --> 01:05:15,912
[sighs, smacks lips]

1105
01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:18,262
I want them to be proud of me.

1106
01:05:21,047 --> 01:05:23,484
♪

1107
01:05:39,283 --> 01:05:41,938
♪ I want to live

1108
01:05:42,982 --> 01:05:45,550
♪ I want to give

1109
01:05:45,593 --> 01:05:47,682
♪ I've been a miner

1110
01:05:47,726 --> 01:05:51,295
♪ For a heart of gold

1111
01:05:51,338 --> 01:05:54,428
♪ It's these expressions

1112
01:05:54,472 --> 01:05:57,518
♪ I never give
that keep me searching... ♪

1113
01:05:57,562 --> 01:06:00,217
DAVID:
You all right?

1114
01:06:00,260 --> 01:06:02,393
What's wrong? You nervous?

1115
01:06:02,436 --> 01:06:03,698
Yeah.

1116
01:06:03,742 --> 01:06:05,570
♪ And I'm getting old

1117
01:06:08,312 --> 01:06:10,314
♪ Keep me searching for a...

1118
01:06:10,357 --> 01:06:12,620
KAREN:
Thank you for marrying me.

1119
01:06:14,013 --> 01:06:16,015
Thank you for being
a perfect partner

1120
01:06:16,059 --> 01:06:18,061
in an imperfect world.

1121
01:06:19,801 --> 01:06:22,543
Thank you for introducing me
to your amazing son.

1122
01:06:22,587 --> 01:06:24,632
♪

1123
01:06:24,676 --> 01:06:26,634
KAREN:
Uh, I'm here for you,

1124
01:06:26,678 --> 01:06:27,984
and I'm here to stay.

1125
01:06:28,027 --> 01:06:30,073
DAVID:
Karen, thank you...

1126
01:06:30,116 --> 01:06:32,118
for loving me.

1127
01:06:33,424 --> 01:06:35,165
And thank you for loving him.

1128
01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:36,862
[applause]

1129
01:06:36,905 --> 01:06:38,559
- ♪ Keep me searching
- [whistling, cheering]

1130
01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:41,345
♪ For a heart of gold

1131
01:06:41,388 --> 01:06:43,347
♪ You keep me searching

1132
01:06:43,390 --> 01:06:45,175
♪ And I'm growing old

1133
01:06:45,218 --> 01:06:47,699
Looks him square in the eye,
and he says, "Superman..."

1134
01:06:47,742 --> 01:06:51,137
♪ Keep me searching
for a heart of gold ♪

1135
01:06:51,181 --> 01:06:52,704
- [Karen laughs]
- DAVID: Perfect.

1136
01:06:52,747 --> 01:06:54,532
♪ I've been a miner

1137
01:06:54,575 --> 01:06:58,188
- [indistinct chatter]
- ♪ For a heart of gold

1138
01:06:59,493 --> 01:07:01,191
♪ Ah

1139
01:07:01,234 --> 01:07:02,714
♪ Mm.

1140
01:07:05,238 --> 01:07:07,675
[dogs barking]

1141
01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:14,595
- Hey, good to see you.
- Good to see you.

1142
01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:17,076
Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!

1143
01:07:20,384 --> 01:07:22,125
Hey, Jazzy Jeff.

1144
01:07:22,168 --> 01:07:24,170
What's going on, man?

1145
01:07:24,214 --> 01:07:25,780
Hey, man, I miss you more

1146
01:07:25,824 --> 01:07:28,827
than the sun misses
the moon at night.

1147
01:07:28,870 --> 01:07:30,829
Mm. [kiss]

1148
01:07:32,352 --> 01:07:34,180
- Hey, Karen.
- Hey.

1149
01:07:39,490 --> 01:07:41,622
Thank you for inviting me.

1150
01:07:41,666 --> 01:07:43,276
Seriously.

1151
01:07:49,152 --> 01:07:51,197
[Daisy laughing in distance]

1152
01:07:57,290 --> 01:07:58,770
♪ Can't steal the way

1153
01:07:58,813 --> 01:08:01,120
♪ I fuckin' felt
when I got up today ♪

1154
01:08:01,164 --> 01:08:02,904
♪ Well, I guess
you're the judge ♪

1155
01:08:02,948 --> 01:08:04,515
♪ I guess you're the king

1156
01:08:04,558 --> 01:08:07,431
♪ Of the forever beauty pageant
I'm always... ♪

1157
01:08:10,912 --> 01:08:13,306
[indistinct chatter nearby]

1158
01:08:13,350 --> 01:08:15,569
NIC: Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!

1159
01:08:15,613 --> 01:08:17,049
JASPER:
Go, Daisy!

1160
01:08:17,093 --> 01:08:18,616
DAVID:
Hey, honey.

1161
01:08:18,659 --> 01:08:20,096
[Daisy laughing]

1162
01:08:22,315 --> 01:08:24,187
NIC:
Go, Daisy, go!

1163
01:08:24,230 --> 01:08:26,232
[kids laughing]

1164
01:08:28,278 --> 01:08:30,149
[David laughing]

1165
01:08:30,193 --> 01:08:32,412
- [Daisy laughing]
- [Jasper grunts]

1166
01:08:33,892 --> 01:08:36,242
- DAVID: Nice.
- [playful grunting and yelling]

1167
01:08:37,591 --> 01:08:38,897
[Daisy squealing]

1168
01:08:38,940 --> 01:08:41,595
Oh! Ah, you!

1169
01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:43,467
It's Daisy!

1170
01:08:43,510 --> 01:08:46,122
- [David laughs]
- [Nic yelling]

1171
01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:47,732
DAVID:
Whoa!

1172
01:08:47,775 --> 01:08:50,387
[laughter]

1173
01:08:50,430 --> 01:08:51,997
[playful shouts]

1174
01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:53,868
[David chuckling]

1175
01:08:56,001 --> 01:08:57,959
DAVID:
"If the marker is depleted

1176
01:08:58,003 --> 01:08:59,918
"in meth addicts' brains,

1177
01:08:59,961 --> 01:09:02,660
"it's likely there is
a loss of nerve terminals

1178
01:09:02,703 --> 01:09:05,184
"and the brain damage
is irreversible.

1179
01:09:05,228 --> 01:09:07,665
"However,
when I tested for VMAT2,

1180
01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:10,711
- I found normal levels."
- So that's optimistic.

1181
01:09:10,755 --> 01:09:13,236
- Normal levels is optimistic, yeah.
- It's...

1182
01:09:13,279 --> 01:09:14,672
- It is.
- Okay.

1183
01:09:14,715 --> 01:09:16,239
- No. I'm not...
- I was just checking.

1184
01:09:16,282 --> 01:09:17,762
- No, no, that's good.
- Okay.

1185
01:09:17,805 --> 01:09:19,067
Basically...

1186
01:09:19,111 --> 01:09:20,417
the fried...

1187
01:09:20,460 --> 01:09:22,462
Nic's fried nerve endings

1188
01:09:22,506 --> 01:09:24,943
can grow back.

1189
01:09:24,986 --> 01:09:27,163
They say it can take
two years, but...

1190
01:09:27,206 --> 01:09:29,382
- Two years?
- Yeah.

1191
01:09:29,426 --> 01:09:31,950
But that's great, David.

1192
01:09:33,778 --> 01:09:35,649
[car door closes]

1193
01:09:37,521 --> 01:09:39,697
[footsteps approaching]

1194
01:09:41,264 --> 01:09:43,962
- Hey.
- Hey.

1195
01:09:44,005 --> 01:09:47,095
- You're kind of late.
- Yeah. It was a great meeting,

1196
01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:49,272
and after, we went
to the speaker's house

1197
01:09:49,315 --> 01:09:51,230
and watched a video and...

1198
01:09:51,274 --> 01:09:55,234
saw my sober sponsee bros
earlier, so...

1199
01:09:55,278 --> 01:09:57,280
No phone?

1200
01:09:57,323 --> 01:09:59,325
Oh, my cell was dead.

1201
01:10:02,198 --> 01:10:05,418
Would you be okay
to do a drug test?

1202
01:10:06,463 --> 01:10:08,682
Yeah, I mean, sure.

1203
01:10:08,726 --> 01:10:10,249
Okay.

1204
01:10:27,658 --> 01:10:30,269
You understand why, right?

1205
01:10:30,313 --> 01:10:34,621
Yeah. I mean, I should've
called to let you know, so...

1206
01:10:34,665 --> 01:10:38,538
I trust you... we just need
to have some sort of proof.

1207
01:10:42,325 --> 01:10:44,892
That's about as contradictory
as it gets.

1208
01:10:44,936 --> 01:10:47,243
- But...
- I know. I know.

1209
01:10:49,332 --> 01:10:51,508
I'll do it. No worries.

1210
01:10:51,551 --> 01:10:53,901
Nothing to hide.

1211
01:10:54,946 --> 01:10:56,382
Okay.

1212
01:10:58,689 --> 01:11:01,257
Hey, you're doing great.

1213
01:11:02,736 --> 01:11:04,564
You really are.

1214
01:11:04,608 --> 01:11:07,611
By my count, 485 days clean.

1215
01:11:07,654 --> 01:11:09,743
Wow. Come on, that's...

1216
01:11:13,660 --> 01:11:16,446
I'll just leave it
in the bathroom, right? Okay.

1217
01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:19,057
All right.

1218
01:11:19,100 --> 01:11:21,059
- Good night, Dad.
- Good night.

1219
01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:23,191
- I love you.
- I love you, too.

1220
01:11:47,564 --> 01:11:49,957
[gulls calling]

1221
01:11:54,614 --> 01:11:56,573
- NIC: All right, Jasper, you ready?
- Yep.

1222
01:11:56,616 --> 01:11:58,749
Let's go, let's go, let's go.

1223
01:11:58,792 --> 01:12:00,968
Hey. No, no, no, wait.

1224
01:12:01,012 --> 01:12:04,145
- Jasper, I don't want you
to go out there. -What?

1225
01:12:04,189 --> 01:12:05,930
Mom, we won't go far, I swear!

1226
01:12:05,973 --> 01:12:07,758
KAREN: The waves are too big.
It's too dangerous.

1227
01:12:07,801 --> 01:12:08,976
But I am a great swimmer.

1228
01:12:09,020 --> 01:12:10,282
I've been in waves
way bigger than this.

1229
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,197
Yes, I know that,
but I don't want you to...

1230
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:13,720
- Yeah, I'll stay close.
- Nic will stay close,

1231
01:12:13,764 --> 01:12:16,375
you see?

1232
01:12:16,419 --> 01:12:18,116
NIC:
Karen, I'm gonna stay...

1233
01:12:18,159 --> 01:12:20,031
- I'll stay close.
- KAREN: Nic can go in.

1234
01:12:20,074 --> 01:12:21,206
That's fine. You, no.

1235
01:12:21,249 --> 01:12:23,121
And that is final.

1236
01:12:23,164 --> 01:12:24,601
JASPER:
We'll see about that.

1237
01:12:24,644 --> 01:12:27,343
- KAREN: Hey!
- NIC: Okay. It's fine.

1238
01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,649
It's fine.

1239
01:12:38,179 --> 01:12:40,138
Should we just play a game
instead?

1240
01:12:40,181 --> 01:12:42,401
- Uh...
- Yeah?

1241
01:12:44,838 --> 01:12:47,101
NIC:
Are you a hurfboard?

1242
01:12:47,145 --> 01:12:49,495
- [chuckles]: No.
- No?

1243
01:12:49,539 --> 01:12:51,497
Are you a hicycle?

1244
01:12:51,541 --> 01:12:53,369
- [chuckles]: No.
- No?

1245
01:12:53,412 --> 01:12:55,675
Okay. Uh, are you edible?

1246
01:12:55,719 --> 01:12:57,242
Not really.

1247
01:12:57,285 --> 01:12:59,375
- Not really?
- Not really.

1248
01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:00,941
So, sort of.

1249
01:13:00,985 --> 01:13:03,204
So, um...

1250
01:13:03,248 --> 01:13:04,989
are you a house?

1251
01:13:05,032 --> 01:13:08,122
- Yes. How did you know?
- [chuckling]

1252
01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:09,863
You know,

1253
01:13:09,907 --> 01:13:12,300
I can read your mind.

1254
01:13:12,344 --> 01:13:15,129
- [spookily]: Ooh...
- Ooh...

1255
01:13:15,173 --> 01:13:16,304
[Jasper grunts]

1256
01:13:16,348 --> 01:13:18,132
I know you're a great swimmer.

1257
01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:20,134
I'm gonna be there to cheer
for you at your next swim meet.

1258
01:13:20,178 --> 01:13:21,222
How does that sound?

1259
01:13:21,266 --> 01:13:22,789
Yeah?

1260
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:25,226
Okay.

1261
01:13:25,270 --> 01:13:27,620
Hey, is it weird to see me
after all this time?

1262
01:13:27,664 --> 01:13:28,621
Or no?

1263
01:13:28,665 --> 01:13:30,406
I guess it was, at first.

1264
01:13:30,449 --> 01:13:33,496
- Okay. -I thought
you might be different.

1265
01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:36,803
But you're just
the same old Nic.

1266
01:13:38,152 --> 01:13:40,154
[Nic chuckles]

1267
01:13:41,504 --> 01:13:43,897
["Wiseblood"
by Zola Jesus playing]

1268
01:13:44,898 --> 01:13:48,859
♪ This'll be

1269
01:13:48,902 --> 01:13:52,863
♪ My last home

1270
01:13:52,906 --> 01:13:55,300
- ♪ But this stream
- NIC: All right. Thanks.

1271
01:13:55,343 --> 01:13:59,304
♪ Will carry me through

1272
01:13:59,347 --> 01:14:02,481
- That was a great weekend.
- Mm-hmm.

1273
01:14:02,525 --> 01:14:05,266
- ♪ But this stream
- Bye, Nic!

1274
01:14:05,310 --> 01:14:10,010
♪ Isn't home no more

1275
01:14:10,054 --> 01:14:12,230
♪ And truth can

1276
01:14:12,273 --> 01:14:16,843
♪ Make immune

1277
01:14:16,887 --> 01:14:19,716
♪ If it doesn't make you
wiser ♪

1278
01:14:19,759 --> 01:14:21,500
♪ Doesn't make you stronger

1279
01:14:21,544 --> 01:14:25,809
♪ Doesn't make you live
a little bit ♪

1280
01:14:25,852 --> 01:14:30,770
♪ What are you doing?

1281
01:14:30,814 --> 01:14:33,469
[cheering and applause]

1282
01:14:33,512 --> 01:14:36,123
♪ If it doesn't make you
wiser ♪

1283
01:14:36,167 --> 01:14:38,604
♪ Doesn't make you stronger

1284
01:14:38,648 --> 01:14:42,390
♪ Doesn't make you live
a little bit ♪

1285
01:14:42,434 --> 01:14:49,485
♪ What are you doing?

1286
01:14:49,528 --> 01:14:51,922
[cheering, chatter]

1287
01:14:55,708 --> 01:14:58,537
- Go, Nic!
- [cheering]

1288
01:14:58,581 --> 01:15:00,974
[cheering and applause]

1289
01:15:05,413 --> 01:15:06,763
♪

1290
01:15:06,806 --> 01:15:10,462
♪ In these parting days

1291
01:15:10,506 --> 01:15:15,293
♪ I am losing all my senses

1292
01:15:15,336 --> 01:15:18,296
♪ In these timeless days

1293
01:15:18,339 --> 01:15:24,520
♪ I can barely see through.

1294
01:15:25,956 --> 01:15:28,524
Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic!

1295
01:15:28,567 --> 01:15:30,787
Bye, Nic!

1296
01:15:35,574 --> 01:15:37,968
♪

1297
01:15:53,287 --> 01:15:55,594
SPENCER [over phone]:
One day at a time, man.

1298
01:15:55,638 --> 01:15:57,204
Congratulations.
Welcome to the real world.

1299
01:15:57,248 --> 01:15:59,076
NIC: Oh, I don't want to live
in the real world.

1300
01:15:59,119 --> 01:16:00,730
I'm so sick of living in it.

1301
01:16:00,773 --> 01:16:02,253
- [exhales] -That's your disease
talking to you, man.

1302
01:16:02,296 --> 01:16:03,776
- Oh, I'm trying.
- By trying to isolate you.

1303
01:16:03,820 --> 01:16:05,386
Trying to kill you.
You know this, man.

1304
01:16:05,430 --> 01:16:07,258
I don't feel like
I have a disease, Spencer.

1305
01:16:07,301 --> 01:16:09,086
I feel like...
[clicks tongue]

1306
01:16:09,129 --> 01:16:12,176
- Well, you got to. -This isn't
like fucking cancer.

1307
01:16:12,219 --> 01:16:15,527
This is my fucking choice.
I put myself here.

1308
01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:17,181
Yeah, you did.
You did put yourself there.

1309
01:16:17,224 --> 01:16:18,922
Are you gonna let me talk
or what?

1310
01:16:18,965 --> 01:16:21,925
Okay? Like, you're a writer,
right? So write.

1311
01:16:21,968 --> 01:16:24,275
You're good at it. This is
your day. This is a choice.

1312
01:16:24,318 --> 01:16:26,016
- What do you want to do now?
- [whispers]: Fucking...

1313
01:16:26,059 --> 01:16:27,757
Once you get high,
you lose all your choices.

1314
01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,541
- If you get high,
you lose everything. -Right.

1315
01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:32,413
All right, so you got
to keep choosing the right way.

1316
01:16:34,981 --> 01:16:36,940
- Right.
- That's right.

1317
01:16:36,983 --> 01:16:38,768
You choose the right way.

1318
01:16:38,811 --> 01:16:40,291
Right. All right, hey, listen,

1319
01:16:40,334 --> 01:16:41,814
I'm gonna give you
a call later, all right?

1320
01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,337
Uh, I-I feel
like I'm gonna do all right.

1321
01:16:43,381 --> 01:16:44,643
You blowing me off now?

1322
01:16:44,687 --> 01:16:46,297
You gonna call me
and waste my time?

1323
01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:48,081
Don't waste my time.
I'm here for you, man.

1324
01:16:48,125 --> 01:16:49,648
You know what, look,
I'm having some steaks tonight.

1325
01:16:49,692 --> 01:16:50,823
Why don't you come over
for dinner.

1326
01:16:50,867 --> 01:16:52,085
- All right, I'll see you then.
- You...

1327
01:16:52,129 --> 01:16:53,521
That sounds great.
I'll see you then.

1328
01:16:53,565 --> 01:16:55,001
- Yo, Nic, Nic.
- Yes, sir. I'll see you then.

1329
01:16:55,045 --> 01:16:57,134
- Nic...
- All right, bye-bye.

1330
01:17:13,933 --> 01:17:15,892
[sighs]

1331
01:17:15,935 --> 01:17:18,329
[crying]

1332
01:17:38,871 --> 01:17:41,265
[muffled music playing]

1333
01:17:41,308 --> 01:17:43,702
[indistinct chatter]

1334
01:17:54,147 --> 01:17:56,193
WOMAN:
Nic Sheff.

1335
01:17:56,236 --> 01:17:58,195
Lauren. What?

1336
01:17:58,238 --> 01:18:00,458
What are you...
[chuckles]

1337
01:18:00,501 --> 01:18:02,286
[chuckles]

1338
01:18:02,329 --> 01:18:04,027
Wow, it's been a long time.

1339
01:18:04,070 --> 01:18:05,550
What-what are you doing here?

1340
01:18:05,593 --> 01:18:08,118
[chuckles] Just, uh...

1341
01:18:08,161 --> 01:18:09,946
[chuckles]

1342
01:18:09,989 --> 01:18:12,296
What?

1343
01:18:15,473 --> 01:18:17,040
I've been sober for a while,

1344
01:18:17,083 --> 01:18:20,130
but I'm seriously looking
to party right now.

1345
01:18:20,173 --> 01:18:23,394
[both chuckle]

1346
01:18:27,833 --> 01:18:30,009
- [indistinct chatter]
- [man shouts]

1347
01:18:30,053 --> 01:18:32,403
[siren wailing in distance]

1348
01:18:41,629 --> 01:18:43,414
[laughter]

1349
01:18:43,457 --> 01:18:46,156
I got what you need.
We have E, we have pills, man.

1350
01:18:46,199 --> 01:18:48,245
We have E.
I told you, I told you.

1351
01:18:48,288 --> 01:18:50,247
[light switch clicks]

1352
01:18:50,290 --> 01:18:52,510
[door shuts]

1353
01:18:56,209 --> 01:18:58,995
NIC: Can you get me
a cup of water and a spoon?

1354
01:18:59,038 --> 01:19:00,431
Mm-hmm.

1355
01:19:00,474 --> 01:19:02,825
All right.

1356
01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,658
♪

1357
01:19:16,229 --> 01:19:18,928
[footsteps approaching]

1358
01:19:18,971 --> 01:19:21,365
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.

1359
01:19:21,408 --> 01:19:24,020
- Here you go.
- Thank you.

1360
01:19:25,021 --> 01:19:27,240
Cotton and a spoon.

1361
01:19:39,339 --> 01:19:42,299
[chuckling softly]

1362
01:19:46,259 --> 01:19:47,652
[clears throat]

1363
01:19:47,695 --> 01:19:49,959
[coughs]

1364
01:19:50,002 --> 01:19:52,831
Mmm.

1365
01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:55,268
[laughing]

1366
01:20:03,537 --> 01:20:05,757
- NIC: All right, that's it.
- [exhales]

1367
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,759
That's it.

1368
01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:10,414
[groans]

1369
01:20:10,457 --> 01:20:12,068
[coughs, gasps]

1370
01:20:12,111 --> 01:20:14,244
[exhales]

1371
01:20:14,287 --> 01:20:15,680
[chuckles]

1372
01:20:15,723 --> 01:20:17,421
[inhales deeply]

1373
01:20:17,464 --> 01:20:19,423
[exhales] Wow.

1374
01:20:19,466 --> 01:20:21,425
[sniffs]

1375
01:20:21,468 --> 01:20:24,471
[sighs]

1376
01:20:44,361 --> 01:20:46,798
[panting]

1377
01:21:02,161 --> 01:21:04,555
[panting]

1378
01:21:12,128 --> 01:21:14,521
[panting]

1379
01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:19,962
[grunts]

1380
01:21:22,355 --> 01:21:24,792
[panting]

1381
01:21:37,196 --> 01:21:40,417
[panting]

1382
01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:42,245
- [panting]
- [groans]

1383
01:21:42,288 --> 01:21:44,682
[panting]

1384
01:21:49,817 --> 01:21:53,386
- [panting]
- [groans, panting]

1385
01:21:53,430 --> 01:21:55,867
[panting]

1386
01:21:58,435 --> 01:22:00,872
[moaning, panting deeply]

1387
01:22:09,402 --> 01:22:11,361
[birds chirping]

1388
01:22:11,404 --> 01:22:13,841
[children laughing
and shouting in distance]

1389
01:22:32,425 --> 01:22:34,906
[inhales]

1390
01:22:38,692 --> 01:22:40,825
FEMALE VOICE:
Your call has been forwarded

1391
01:22:40,868 --> 01:22:42,827
to an automated
voice messaging system.

1392
01:22:42,870 --> 01:22:44,698
At the tone,
please record your message.

1393
01:22:44,742 --> 01:22:46,004
[beep]

1394
01:22:46,048 --> 01:22:47,658
DAVID:
It's Dad again.

1395
01:22:47,701 --> 01:22:49,703
I feel like you might
have been a little down

1396
01:22:49,747 --> 01:22:52,619
when you left, Nic, so I'm here
to talk if you need to.

1397
01:22:52,663 --> 01:22:55,318
- [sniffles]
- All right.

1398
01:22:59,061 --> 01:23:01,454
[sighs]

1399
01:23:07,460 --> 01:23:09,941
So you have no idea
where he is?

1400
01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,509
VICKI: Uh, Spencer told me
he heard from him.

1401
01:23:12,552 --> 01:23:15,512
He was having a difficult time,
but he was pulling through.

1402
01:23:15,555 --> 01:23:19,255
But, yeah, he's not at work,
he's not at home.

1403
01:23:19,298 --> 01:23:21,648
- He's unreachable on his cell.
- Damn it. Damn it. Vicki,

1404
01:23:21,692 --> 01:23:24,651
he left here two days ago.
Why didn't you check on him?

1405
01:23:24,695 --> 01:23:27,045
You're supposed to be taking
care of this kid, right?

1406
01:23:27,089 --> 01:23:28,655
What the fuck, David?

1407
01:23:28,699 --> 01:23:30,962
Who's been taking care of him
the last year?

1408
01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,572
Well, you could've checked
on him.

1409
01:23:32,616 --> 01:23:34,313
I mean, what the fuck
is your problem?

1410
01:23:34,357 --> 01:23:36,881
What do you think I do all day?

1411
01:23:36,924 --> 01:23:40,276
Besides, we can't run
surveillance on him 24/7.

1412
01:23:40,319 --> 01:23:43,279
I think you need to go
to the police right now

1413
01:23:43,322 --> 01:23:45,281
and file a missing persons
report, okay?

1414
01:23:45,324 --> 01:23:47,239
- Stop yelling at me!
- No, I'm not gonna stop

1415
01:23:47,283 --> 01:23:49,546
- yelling at you, Vicki.
- I hate it when you do that.

1416
01:23:49,589 --> 01:23:50,982
- Because you're just...
- You're totally crazy.

1417
01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:52,418
What are you even doing there?!

1418
01:23:52,462 --> 01:23:54,290
- Fucking unfair, David!
- No, no! Listen to me!

1419
01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:56,335
- What are...
- [beeping]

1420
01:23:57,336 --> 01:23:59,643
[exhales] Damn.

1421
01:23:59,686 --> 01:24:02,167
Fuck!

1422
01:24:08,739 --> 01:24:10,436
Dave?

1423
01:24:10,480 --> 01:24:13,222
Could you call my phone,
please?

1424
01:24:16,225 --> 01:24:18,096
What's going on?

1425
01:24:18,140 --> 01:24:20,011
He's gone.

1426
01:24:21,360 --> 01:24:24,407
How do we even know
he's in I.A.?

1427
01:24:24,450 --> 01:24:27,062
I mean, he could be in
San Francisco. He could be...

1428
01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:29,499
he could be in fucking Mexico,
for all we know.

1429
01:24:29,542 --> 01:24:31,109
I need to go.

1430
01:24:31,153 --> 01:24:33,851
Yeah, but I need you to stay.

1431
01:24:33,894 --> 01:24:35,679
Well, Vicki can't handle it
like I...

1432
01:24:35,722 --> 01:24:38,029
I don't care about Vicki.
This isn't about Vicki.

1433
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:41,685
Okay, why don't you just relax
and try to be reasonable.

1434
01:24:41,728 --> 01:24:43,948
- What? You be reasonable.
- I am being reasonable.

1435
01:24:43,991 --> 01:24:44,992
Is this reasonable?!

1436
01:24:45,036 --> 01:24:47,604
No! It's not!

1437
01:24:47,647 --> 01:24:49,040
How can I be?!

1438
01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:50,607
My son is out there somewhere,

1439
01:24:50,650 --> 01:24:52,261
and I don't know
what he's doing!

1440
01:24:52,304 --> 01:24:53,871
I don't know how to help him!

1441
01:24:53,914 --> 01:24:56,352
You can't!

1442
01:25:06,840 --> 01:25:08,581
DAISY:
I can't sleep.

1443
01:25:08,625 --> 01:25:11,062
[sniffles]

1444
01:25:12,629 --> 01:25:13,586
You can't sleep?

1445
01:25:13,630 --> 01:25:15,153
I can't sleep.

1446
01:25:15,197 --> 01:25:16,415
Okay.

1447
01:25:16,459 --> 01:25:18,243
[Daisy whimpers]

1448
01:25:20,593 --> 01:25:22,595
Good night, Daddy.

1449
01:25:23,596 --> 01:25:25,163
Good night.

1450
01:25:25,207 --> 01:25:27,034
♪ Sunrise

1451
01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:29,602
♪ Sunset

1452
01:25:29,646 --> 01:25:32,083
♪

1453
01:25:50,057 --> 01:25:52,756
♪ Is this the little girl

1454
01:25:52,799 --> 01:25:55,628
♪ I carried?

1455
01:25:57,543 --> 01:26:00,546
♪ Is this the little boy

1456
01:26:00,590 --> 01:26:02,548
♪ At play?

1457
01:26:02,592 --> 01:26:04,289
Let go!

1458
01:26:04,333 --> 01:26:05,986
Airplane flying!

1459
01:26:06,030 --> 01:26:07,597
- ♪ I don't remember
- [whooping]

1460
01:26:07,640 --> 01:26:11,035
- ♪ Growing older
- Airplane!

1461
01:26:11,078 --> 01:26:13,037
Fly away! Fly!

1462
01:26:13,080 --> 01:26:14,778
[whoops]

1463
01:26:14,821 --> 01:26:18,521
- ♪ When did they?
- Airplane! Push!

1464
01:26:21,654 --> 01:26:24,701
♪ When did she get to be

1465
01:26:24,744 --> 01:26:27,094
♪ A beauty?

1466
01:26:27,138 --> 01:26:29,401
[typing]

1467
01:26:29,445 --> 01:26:32,143
♪ When did he grow to be

1468
01:26:32,187 --> 01:26:34,928
♪ So tall?

1469
01:26:34,972 --> 01:26:37,583
♪ Ooh...

1470
01:26:37,627 --> 01:26:39,890
♪ Wasn't it yesterday

1471
01:26:39,933 --> 01:26:42,545
♪ That they

1472
01:26:42,588 --> 01:26:47,419
♪ Were small?

1473
01:26:47,463 --> 01:26:49,856
♪

1474
01:26:52,294 --> 01:26:54,644
♪ Sunrise

1475
01:26:54,687 --> 01:26:57,037
♪ Sunset

1476
01:26:57,081 --> 01:26:59,039
♪ Sunrise

1477
01:26:59,083 --> 01:27:00,650
♪ Sunset

1478
01:27:00,693 --> 01:27:03,305
- ♪ Swiftly
- [indistinct chatter]

1479
01:27:03,348 --> 01:27:09,093
♪ Fly the years

1480
01:27:09,136 --> 01:27:11,095
♪ One season

1481
01:27:11,138 --> 01:27:17,275
♪ Following another

1482
01:27:17,319 --> 01:27:20,583
♪ Laden with happiness...

1483
01:27:20,626 --> 01:27:22,411
- KAREN: No. Uh-uh. Come on, not
you. Come on. -DAVID: Hold on.

1484
01:27:22,454 --> 01:27:24,195
- Get back in. Guys, come on.
- Hold on. Hold on, honey.

1485
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,979
- Wait.
- Good dog.

1486
01:27:26,023 --> 01:27:27,851
- ♪ One season...
- KAREN: What's up?

1487
01:27:27,894 --> 01:27:31,158
I thought
Nic was gonna be here today.

1488
01:27:31,202 --> 01:27:33,465
Uh, no. Something came up.

1489
01:27:34,466 --> 01:27:36,599
Can I call him?

1490
01:27:36,642 --> 01:27:38,601
No, no. You can't.

1491
01:27:38,644 --> 01:27:40,211
It's not gonna be possible.

1492
01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:41,299
Why not?

1493
01:27:41,343 --> 01:27:43,301
Because it's not.

1494
01:27:43,345 --> 01:27:46,130
Is Nic back on drugs again?

1495
01:27:46,173 --> 01:27:48,263
♪ Sunrise

1496
01:27:48,306 --> 01:27:50,221
♪ Sunset

1497
01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:52,963
- ♪ Sunrise
- We don't know, honey.

1498
01:27:53,006 --> 01:27:55,531
♪ Sunset.

1499
01:28:06,019 --> 01:28:08,413
[chiming quietly]

1500
01:28:09,501 --> 01:28:12,852
[phone ringing]

1501
01:28:21,121 --> 01:28:23,515
[phone ringing in distance]

1502
01:28:26,823 --> 01:28:29,260
[phone ringing]

1503
01:28:30,870 --> 01:28:33,308
[wind chimes tinkling]

1504
01:28:49,802 --> 01:28:52,239
[rattling]

1505
01:29:04,251 --> 01:29:05,992
[mutters]

1506
01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,010
[clattering]

1507
01:29:25,142 --> 01:29:26,883
[rattling]

1508
01:29:29,581 --> 01:29:31,496
All right.

1509
01:30:02,875 --> 01:30:04,660
[inhales deeply]

1510
01:30:04,703 --> 01:30:07,097
[exhales]

1511
01:30:18,978 --> 01:30:21,416
[birds chirping]

1512
01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:49,356
[clicks tongue]

1513
01:31:03,153 --> 01:31:05,111
[applause and cheering]

1514
01:31:05,155 --> 01:31:06,939
[whooping, indistinct shouting]

1515
01:31:06,983 --> 01:31:08,811
[buzzer sounds]

1516
01:31:09,855 --> 01:31:11,291
[whoops]

1517
01:31:11,335 --> 01:31:12,684
[applause and cheering]

1518
01:31:12,728 --> 01:31:15,121
Come on, Jasper!
Whup.

1519
01:31:19,952 --> 01:31:22,172
[whistling, whooping,
shouting, cheering continue]

1520
01:31:26,568 --> 01:31:28,570
Yup.

1521
01:31:32,356 --> 01:31:34,489
[cheering]

1522
01:31:37,143 --> 01:31:39,494
[applause, cheering,
whistling continue in distance]

1523
01:31:46,979 --> 01:31:50,026
[vehicle approaching]

1524
01:31:50,069 --> 01:31:52,028
[quiet beeping]

1525
01:31:52,071 --> 01:31:53,159
DAVID:
You got it?

1526
01:31:53,203 --> 01:31:55,292
Oh, fuck. Okay.
Hey, Lauren.

1527
01:31:56,511 --> 01:31:58,251
- Lauren, let's go.
- What?

1528
01:31:58,295 --> 01:31:59,862
We got to go.

1529
01:31:59,905 --> 01:32:01,516
[dog barking]

1530
01:32:01,559 --> 01:32:03,474
- What's going on?
- Here.

1531
01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:06,172
We got to go.

1532
01:32:06,216 --> 01:32:08,218
Fine.

1533
01:32:21,623 --> 01:32:24,234
JASPER:
I think I just saw Nic.

1534
01:32:24,277 --> 01:32:26,018
KAREN:
What?

1535
01:32:26,062 --> 01:32:29,195
I think I just saw Nic
and a girl running away.

1536
01:32:29,239 --> 01:32:31,241
[panting]

1537
01:32:35,941 --> 01:32:37,508
DAISY:
Nic.

1538
01:32:37,552 --> 01:32:38,988
KAREN:
Uh, no. Stay inside.

1539
01:32:39,031 --> 01:32:40,816
- Okay.
- No.

1540
01:32:40,859 --> 01:32:44,689
All right, no. Stay inside!
I am not kidding, all right?

1541
01:32:44,733 --> 01:32:46,561
Stay there.

1542
01:32:46,604 --> 01:32:48,171
[door opens]

1543
01:32:48,214 --> 01:32:49,607
[Lauren grunts softly]

1544
01:32:49,651 --> 01:32:51,609
- Okay.
- [car door closes]

1545
01:32:51,653 --> 01:32:54,264
- [whispering]: Shit.
- Never again.

1546
01:32:54,307 --> 01:32:56,571
- It's okay. Hey.
- What do we do? What do we do?

1547
01:32:56,614 --> 01:32:58,007
It's all right.

1548
01:32:58,050 --> 01:33:00,052
[birds singing]

1549
01:33:02,968 --> 01:33:05,144
That was so terrible.

1550
01:33:05,188 --> 01:33:08,365
Oh, fuck!

1551
01:33:08,408 --> 01:33:11,237
[engine starts]

1552
01:33:11,281 --> 01:33:12,761
[engine revving]

1553
01:33:12,804 --> 01:33:15,198
Nic? Nic? Nic!

1554
01:33:16,895 --> 01:33:18,288
Oh...

1555
01:33:19,724 --> 01:33:22,640
♪ All the ladies of court

1556
01:33:22,684 --> 01:33:24,511
♪ Gather round

1557
01:33:25,817 --> 01:33:28,254
♪ Joining in heavenly fare

1558
01:33:28,298 --> 01:33:30,387
[engine revving]

1559
01:33:30,430 --> 01:33:32,389
Oh. No. No. No.

1560
01:33:32,432 --> 01:33:34,913
- [sighs]
- ♪ Gathering promises

1561
01:33:34,957 --> 01:33:37,002
♪ Of future heroes

1562
01:33:37,046 --> 01:33:39,483
♪ Showing faith

1563
01:33:39,526 --> 01:33:42,181
♪ It is all as you go

1564
01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:50,146
♪ Red light and green light
and men in their armor ♪

1565
01:33:50,189 --> 01:33:55,325
♪ And fight for the queen
if you dare ♪

1566
01:33:56,848 --> 01:34:00,330
♪ It's a long way to go

1567
01:34:00,373 --> 01:34:03,550
♪ To test out your mettle

1568
01:34:03,594 --> 01:34:06,684
♪ Well, a long way to go

1569
01:34:06,728 --> 01:34:10,819
♪ To go down

1570
01:34:15,040 --> 01:34:17,390
♪ And I'll write them
a letter ♪

1571
01:34:19,392 --> 01:34:22,918
♪ I said forgive
all we've done ♪

1572
01:34:24,615 --> 01:34:29,707
♪ Please first
grant this favor, sir ♪

1573
01:34:29,751 --> 01:34:32,318
♪ Forgive us quick
or we'll run ♪

1574
01:34:36,322 --> 01:34:38,324
♪ Or we'll run

1575
01:34:41,371 --> 01:34:43,068
♪ Or we'll run

1576
01:34:43,112 --> 01:34:45,941
[sighs]

1577
01:34:45,984 --> 01:34:48,465
♪ Or we'll run

1578
01:34:48,508 --> 01:34:51,294
Come on!

1579
01:34:51,337 --> 01:34:53,905
♪ Or...

1580
01:34:53,949 --> 01:34:59,258
♪ We'll run...

1581
01:35:14,621 --> 01:35:16,798
[crying]

1582
01:35:18,756 --> 01:35:21,977
- [crying]
- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

1583
01:35:25,894 --> 01:35:27,896
[birds singing]

1584
01:35:29,027 --> 01:35:30,725
[crying]

1585
01:35:30,768 --> 01:35:32,727
[distant horns honk]

1586
01:35:36,861 --> 01:35:39,298
[panting]

1587
01:35:42,171 --> 01:35:44,956
[Nic clears throat]

1588
01:35:46,044 --> 01:35:47,785
Okay. Okay.

1589
01:35:47,829 --> 01:35:50,005
[line ringing]

1590
01:35:50,048 --> 01:35:51,789
WOMAN [over phone]:
911. What is your emergency?

1591
01:35:51,833 --> 01:35:53,791
Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f...
I'm-I'm with a friend.

1592
01:35:53,835 --> 01:35:55,140
She just O.D.'d, and, uh,

1593
01:35:55,184 --> 01:35:56,794
I need an ambulance,
I need some help.

1594
01:35:56,838 --> 01:35:58,187
Sir, do you know CPR?

1595
01:35:58,230 --> 01:35:59,754
Yeah, I'm doing it right now.
I just...

1596
01:35:59,797 --> 01:36:01,886
Uh, we... You-you guys,
you got to send an ambulance,

1597
01:36:01,930 --> 01:36:04,106
- too, all right?
- What is your location?

1598
01:36:04,149 --> 01:36:06,151
Yeah, I don't know.

1599
01:36:06,195 --> 01:36:07,805
Y-You-you guys are gonna have
to trace the call.

1600
01:36:07,849 --> 01:36:09,589
WOMAN:
Hello?

1601
01:36:09,633 --> 01:36:13,028
Hello?
Sir, are you still there?

1602
01:36:13,071 --> 01:36:15,378
- [Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks]
- Sir?

1603
01:36:15,421 --> 01:36:18,250
- [Lauren coughs]
- [operator speaks indistinctly]

1604
01:36:18,294 --> 01:36:19,817
WOMAN:
Sir? Sir?

1605
01:36:19,861 --> 01:36:23,734
[coughing, gasping]

1606
01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:26,258
- [Lauren gasping, coughing]
- [operator speaks indistinctly]

1607
01:36:28,739 --> 01:36:31,698
- [Lauren sighs] -Look up.
- [garbled radio transmission]

1608
01:36:31,742 --> 01:36:33,439
Honey, look up for me.

1609
01:36:34,919 --> 01:36:38,314
Can you look up this way
over here?

1610
01:36:38,357 --> 01:36:40,446
Hey, look, we're gonna need
to take you to the ER.

1611
01:36:40,490 --> 01:36:41,883
I-I don't...
I don't want to. I-I...

1612
01:36:41,926 --> 01:36:43,493
- We need to take you to the ER.
- I'm fine.

1613
01:36:43,536 --> 01:36:44,842
She doesn't want to go
to the ER. She's...

1614
01:36:44,886 --> 01:36:46,496
She's... No, she's not okay.
We need to take her

1615
01:36:46,539 --> 01:36:47,889
- to the ER.
- But she doesn't want to go.

1616
01:36:47,932 --> 01:36:49,629
No, sir, she needs to go!

1617
01:36:49,673 --> 01:36:51,327
- [Lauren whimpers]
- Okay?

1618
01:36:51,370 --> 01:36:53,851
You have a problem with that,
I can inform the police.

1619
01:36:53,895 --> 01:36:55,635
- Goddamn it.
- [Lauren whimpers]

1620
01:36:55,679 --> 01:36:59,117
You're gonna come
and meet me, right?

1621
01:36:59,161 --> 01:37:00,597
- Yes. Yes!
- You promise?

1622
01:37:00,640 --> 01:37:03,034
[crying]:
I love you.

1623
01:37:03,078 --> 01:37:05,515
- I love you, too.
- [garbled radio transmission]

1624
01:37:05,558 --> 01:37:07,212
- You promise you're gonna meet me?
- Yes, Lauren.

1625
01:37:07,256 --> 01:37:09,301
I'll come fucking meet you.
What do you want from me?

1626
01:37:09,345 --> 01:37:12,609
- Okay, okay.
- Jesus fucking Christ.

1627
01:37:18,136 --> 01:37:21,009
[breathing loudly]

1628
01:37:26,057 --> 01:37:27,493
[breathing loudly]

1629
01:37:27,537 --> 01:37:29,713
[dialing phone]

1630
01:37:32,455 --> 01:37:36,024
[line ringing]

1631
01:37:38,940 --> 01:37:41,333
DAVID [over phone]:
David Sheff.

1632
01:37:41,377 --> 01:37:43,118
Hey, Dad. It's me.

1633
01:37:43,161 --> 01:37:45,772
[panting]

1634
01:37:45,816 --> 01:37:48,297
- Nic?
- Yeah.

1635
01:37:48,340 --> 01:37:50,734
[panting]

1636
01:37:57,567 --> 01:37:59,612
Please don't hate me, Dad.

1637
01:38:01,136 --> 01:38:03,138
I know I did wrong.

1638
01:38:04,879 --> 01:38:06,924
I want to stop,
but please, please, please,

1639
01:38:06,968 --> 01:38:08,795
please, please,
please no rehab, all right?

1640
01:38:08,839 --> 01:38:11,668
Just let me come home.
You know what?

1641
01:38:11,711 --> 01:38:15,498
I realize it's actually
I... I-I need to be home.

1642
01:38:15,541 --> 01:38:20,285
You guys, you guys are gonna
give me the strength to stop.

1643
01:38:20,329 --> 01:38:22,331
All right?

1644
01:38:22,374 --> 01:38:25,160
[panting]

1645
01:38:25,203 --> 01:38:27,205
That's not going to happen.

1646
01:38:36,475 --> 01:38:39,565
I wish that I could help you,

1647
01:38:39,609 --> 01:38:41,567
but I can't do that.

1648
01:38:41,611 --> 01:38:43,352
I c... I can't.

1649
01:38:43,395 --> 01:38:45,484
Oh, please help me, Dad.

1650
01:38:46,964 --> 01:38:49,184
No, Dad. I just need
a little bit of help.

1651
01:38:51,229 --> 01:38:53,318
Please help me.
I want to come home.

1652
01:38:53,362 --> 01:38:56,060
All I can tell you
is what you already know.

1653
01:38:56,104 --> 01:38:58,541
Dad, why aren't you
fucking listening to me?

1654
01:38:58,584 --> 01:39:00,717
- Call your sponsor.
- [crying]: I don't want to talk

1655
01:39:00,760 --> 01:39:02,632
to my sponsor now.
I want to talk to you.

1656
01:39:02,675 --> 01:39:04,590
Get help.

1657
01:39:04,634 --> 01:39:06,549
- I love you.
- Dad, what...

1658
01:39:06,592 --> 01:39:08,986
And I hope that you get
your life together.

1659
01:39:09,030 --> 01:39:10,596
I love you, too.

1660
01:39:10,640 --> 01:39:13,121
I love you.

1661
01:39:13,164 --> 01:39:15,123
[phone beeps off]

1662
01:39:15,166 --> 01:39:17,168
[insects chirping]

1663
01:39:26,961 --> 01:39:29,876
[sighs]

1664
01:39:29,920 --> 01:39:32,183
[jagged breathing]

1665
01:39:32,227 --> 01:39:34,925
[crying]

1666
01:39:46,850 --> 01:39:50,680
[waves lapping]

1667
01:39:58,993 --> 01:40:00,995
[waves lapping]

1668
01:40:13,094 --> 01:40:15,139
[crickets chirping]

1669
01:40:33,462 --> 01:40:35,464
♪

1670
01:40:42,471 --> 01:40:44,908
[sighs]

1671
01:40:53,960 --> 01:40:55,962
[insects chirping]

1672
01:41:16,026 --> 01:41:18,420
[seagull squawking]

1673
01:41:35,176 --> 01:41:37,874
- [sniffles]
- [line ringing]

1674
01:41:41,182 --> 01:41:44,010
- DAVID: Hello.
- Nicolas called.

1675
01:41:44,054 --> 01:41:45,447
He sounds desperate.

1676
01:41:46,752 --> 01:41:48,667
Gonna die
if we don't do anything.

1677
01:41:48,711 --> 01:41:50,713
Well...

1678
01:41:50,756 --> 01:41:53,672
he's gonna die even if we do.

1679
01:41:53,716 --> 01:41:56,371
Nothing we do
has any effect on him.

1680
01:41:56,414 --> 01:41:59,678
[Henryk Górecki's Symphony
No. 3 plays, singing in Polish]

1681
01:42:02,333 --> 01:42:03,900
I failed.

1682
01:42:03,943 --> 01:42:05,554
VICKI:
I know you feel ashamed, okay?

1683
01:42:05,597 --> 01:42:08,209
So do I.

1684
01:42:08,252 --> 01:42:10,559
But you have done great, David.

1685
01:42:10,602 --> 01:42:13,518
And Karen, too,
so thank you for that.

1686
01:42:13,562 --> 01:42:15,433
You were up for it
when I wasn't,

1687
01:42:15,477 --> 01:42:17,348
and I'm not giving up now.

1688
01:42:18,393 --> 01:42:20,221
Never.

1689
01:42:21,918 --> 01:42:24,660
But I can't do it alone.

1690
01:42:27,619 --> 01:42:30,405
I need your help.

1691
01:42:30,448 --> 01:42:32,624
[Vicki cries]

1692
01:42:32,668 --> 01:42:35,671
I don't think
you can save people, Vicki.

1693
01:42:35,714 --> 01:42:37,542
[sighs]

1694
01:42:37,586 --> 01:42:40,980
[crying]: You can be there
for them, can't you?

1695
01:42:44,810 --> 01:42:46,986
JASPER:
Look at this.

1696
01:42:52,122 --> 01:42:54,037
DAVID:
I'm done.

1697
01:42:54,080 --> 01:42:56,257
- Oh.
- Okay? I...

1698
01:42:56,300 --> 01:42:59,303
[sniffles]
Okay.

1699
01:43:12,490 --> 01:43:14,927
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]

1700
01:43:32,945 --> 01:43:34,947
MAN:
Hey, everybody.

1701
01:43:34,991 --> 01:43:37,689
Time to get together.

1702
01:43:37,733 --> 01:43:40,126
[crowd chatter]

1703
01:43:50,180 --> 01:43:54,315
WOMAN:
I... I had a rough week.

1704
01:43:56,752 --> 01:43:58,493
Some of you know,
some of you don't.

1705
01:43:58,536 --> 01:44:00,190
I, um...

1706
01:44:00,234 --> 01:44:02,279
I lost my Frances this week.

1707
01:44:02,323 --> 01:44:05,456
She died of an overdose
on Sunday.

1708
01:44:05,500 --> 01:44:07,589
So...

1709
01:44:07,632 --> 01:44:11,593
I guess I'm in mourning,
but I-I...

1710
01:44:11,636 --> 01:44:14,030
I realized something else.

1711
01:44:14,073 --> 01:44:18,121
I've actually been in mourning
for years.

1712
01:44:20,210 --> 01:44:22,430
'Cause even when she was alive,
she...

1713
01:44:22,473 --> 01:44:24,997
she wasn't there.

1714
01:44:25,041 --> 01:44:29,306
When you mourn the living,

1715
01:44:29,350 --> 01:44:32,222
that's a hard way to live.

1716
01:44:34,224 --> 01:44:36,705
And so, in...

1717
01:44:36,748 --> 01:44:38,968
in a way, it's-it's...

1718
01:44:39,011 --> 01:44:41,100
it's better, I guess.

1719
01:44:45,279 --> 01:44:50,849
[crying]: She was a dear,
dear young woman.

1720
01:44:52,808 --> 01:44:54,984
I always felt...

1721
01:44:55,027 --> 01:44:57,595
I needed to... to stay strong,

1722
01:44:57,639 --> 01:45:01,033
that there'd be
some future event,

1723
01:45:01,077 --> 01:45:03,688
and I'd... I'd need
all my strength for it.

1724
01:45:07,301 --> 01:45:09,781
But there are no events
after this one.

1725
01:45:09,825 --> 01:45:13,350
[crying]:
I hope she's not in pain now.

1726
01:45:15,439 --> 01:45:17,615
[woman whimpers]

1727
01:45:20,052 --> 01:45:22,054
Bye, Frances.

1728
01:45:25,971 --> 01:45:28,322
[Karen sniffles]

1729
01:45:52,868 --> 01:45:54,870
♪

1730
01:46:06,621 --> 01:46:08,623
[grunts]

1731
01:46:22,767 --> 01:46:25,161
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]

1732
01:46:44,223 --> 01:46:46,530
♪

1733
01:47:06,376 --> 01:47:09,161
♪

1734
01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:21,435
DAVID:
Hey.

1735
01:47:21,478 --> 01:47:23,654
Hi.

1736
01:47:23,698 --> 01:47:25,787
[Vicki sighs]

1737
01:47:32,924 --> 01:47:34,491
How's he doing?

1738
01:47:34,535 --> 01:47:36,754
The doctor's with him now.

1739
01:47:38,364 --> 01:47:40,149
He said it's close to a miracle

1740
01:47:40,192 --> 01:47:43,152
Nic survived
with all the drugs in his body.

1741
01:47:44,196 --> 01:47:46,024
[Vicki chuckles]

1742
01:47:53,075 --> 01:47:54,511
[David grunts softly]

1743
01:48:14,226 --> 01:48:16,446
[Symphony No. 3 continues,
with singing in Polish]

1744
01:48:36,248 --> 01:48:38,555
♪

1745
01:48:58,270 --> 01:49:00,664
♪

1746
01:49:12,284 --> 01:49:14,678
[Nic cries]

1747
01:49:20,379 --> 01:49:22,730
[Nic sniffles]

1748
01:49:22,773 --> 01:49:25,820
[Nic cries]

1749
01:49:40,312 --> 01:49:42,314
[sobbing]

1750
01:49:47,058 --> 01:49:49,278
[Nic sniffles]

1751
01:50:26,097 --> 01:50:28,099
♪

1752
01:50:33,496 --> 01:50:35,498
♪ Ah

1753
01:50:51,340 --> 01:50:54,604
♪ I was somewhere 2000
in a daydream ♪

1754
01:50:56,301 --> 01:51:00,523
♪ I was hiding,
I couldn't face it ♪

1755
01:51:00,566 --> 01:51:04,266
♪ I used to live my life
in the wind... ♪

1756
01:51:04,309 --> 01:51:08,270
♪ I felt out of sync,
audio phasing ♪

1757
01:51:08,313 --> 01:51:12,274
♪ Felt like I couldn't
find my place in ♪

1758
01:51:17,366 --> 01:51:20,586
♪ Sky shivers, they,
they turn to rain ♪

1759
01:51:20,630 --> 01:51:22,545
♪ I turn again

1760
01:51:22,588 --> 01:51:25,679
♪ I wish we could heal

1761
01:51:30,205 --> 01:51:33,599
♪ I'll take you home,
I'll make you whole ♪

1762
01:51:33,643 --> 01:51:38,517
♪ You make me wish
that this wasn't real ♪

1763
01:51:43,000 --> 01:51:45,568
♪ Because you're

1764
01:51:45,611 --> 01:51:47,570
♪ Oh

1765
01:51:47,613 --> 01:51:52,444
♪ You're my treasure

1766
01:51:55,709 --> 01:51:58,450
♪ Because you're

1767
01:51:58,494 --> 01:52:00,365
♪ Oh

1768
01:52:00,409 --> 01:52:05,240
♪ You're my treasure

1769
01:52:07,721 --> 01:52:12,508
♪ I used to live my life
in the wind ♪

1770
01:52:17,426 --> 01:52:19,036
♪ And I would fly

1771
01:52:19,080 --> 01:52:22,170
♪ Wherever you would swim

1772
01:52:26,914 --> 01:52:31,832
♪ I couldn't stand by you
or anything ♪

1773
01:52:33,964 --> 01:52:37,185
♪ Sky shivers, they,
they turn to rain ♪

1774
01:52:37,228 --> 01:52:39,013
♪ I turn again

1775
01:52:39,056 --> 01:52:42,364
♪ I wish we could heal

1776
01:52:47,108 --> 01:52:50,241
♪ I'll take you home,
I'll make you whole ♪

1777
01:52:50,285 --> 01:52:55,072
♪ You make me wish
that this wasn't real ♪

1778
01:52:59,729 --> 01:53:02,427
♪ Because you're

1779
01:53:02,471 --> 01:53:04,168
♪ Oh

1780
01:53:04,212 --> 01:53:09,217
♪ You're my treasure

1781
01:53:12,481 --> 01:53:15,136
♪ Because you're

1782
01:53:15,179 --> 01:53:16,877
♪ Oh

1783
01:53:16,920 --> 01:53:21,620
♪ You're my treasure

1784
01:53:24,885 --> 01:53:26,321
♪ Bad habits

1785
01:53:26,364 --> 01:53:28,018
♪ And good times

1786
01:53:28,062 --> 01:53:29,498
♪ Let's take a risk

1787
01:53:29,541 --> 01:53:31,108
♪ On our lives

1788
01:53:31,152 --> 01:53:32,893
♪ Don't smile

1789
01:53:32,936 --> 01:53:34,590
♪ Just might cry

1790
01:53:34,633 --> 01:53:35,983
♪ Go around the roundabout

1791
01:53:36,026 --> 01:53:37,636
♪ Like five times

1792
01:53:37,680 --> 01:53:39,421
♪ With two scratches

1793
01:53:39,464 --> 01:53:40,683
♪ Hard drive

1794
01:53:40,726 --> 01:53:41,902
♪ Open up to it

1795
01:53:41,945 --> 01:53:43,164
♪ Get me three times

1796
01:53:43,207 --> 01:53:44,165
♪ Not lying

1797
01:53:44,208 --> 01:53:45,166
♪ Watch the heavens

1798
01:53:45,209 --> 01:53:46,167
♪ Goes up

1799
01:53:46,210 --> 01:53:47,385
♪ Three times

1800
01:53:47,429 --> 01:53:48,865
♪ Watch the heavens

1801
01:53:48,909 --> 01:53:53,130
♪ As the sun dies

1802
01:53:56,917 --> 01:54:00,703
♪ When breathing
even is a challenge ♪

1803
01:54:00,746 --> 01:54:03,924
♪ I don't want
to lose control ♪

1804
01:54:03,967 --> 01:54:07,362
♪ I need it, gotta have it

1805
01:54:07,405 --> 01:54:10,452
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1806
01:54:10,495 --> 01:54:11,888
♪ Don't stop clinging

1807
01:54:11,932 --> 01:54:13,672
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1808
01:54:13,716 --> 01:54:16,675
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1809
01:54:16,719 --> 01:54:18,373
♪ Don't stop clinging

1810
01:54:18,416 --> 01:54:20,244
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1811
01:54:20,288 --> 01:54:23,073
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1812
01:54:23,117 --> 01:54:24,727
♪ Don't stop clinging

1813
01:54:24,770 --> 01:54:26,511
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1814
01:54:26,555 --> 01:54:29,471
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1815
01:54:29,514 --> 01:54:31,255
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1816
01:54:31,299 --> 01:54:32,561
♪ Don't stop clinging

1817
01:54:32,604 --> 01:54:34,389
♪ Don't stop
clinging ♪

1818
01:54:34,432 --> 01:54:36,260
- ♪ Don't stop clinging
- ♪ Still alive

1819
01:54:36,304 --> 01:54:38,045
♪ Don't stop clinging

1820
01:54:38,088 --> 01:54:40,874
♪ Don't stop clinging,
don't stop clinging ♪

1821
01:54:40,917 --> 01:54:42,832
- ♪ Don't stop clinging...
- ♪ Still alive...

1822
01:54:42,876 --> 01:54:44,703
NIC:
"Either peace or happiness,

1823
01:54:44,747 --> 01:54:46,575
"let it enfold you.

1824
01:54:46,618 --> 01:54:49,578
"When I was a young man,
I felt that these things

1825
01:54:49,621 --> 01:54:52,059
"were dumb, unsophisticated.

1826
01:54:52,102 --> 01:54:54,322
"I had bad blood,
a twisted mind,

1827
01:54:54,365 --> 01:54:56,454
"a precarious upbringing.

1828
01:54:56,498 --> 01:54:58,108
"I was hard as granite.

1829
01:54:58,152 --> 01:55:00,023
"I leered at the sun.

1830
01:55:00,067 --> 01:55:03,505
"I trusted no man
and especially no woman.

1831
01:55:03,548 --> 01:55:05,899
"I was living a hell
in small rooms.

1832
01:55:05,942 --> 01:55:07,639
"I broke things,
smashed things,

1833
01:55:07,683 --> 01:55:10,251
"walked through glass, cursed.

1834
01:55:10,294 --> 01:55:11,905
"I challenged everything,

1835
01:55:11,948 --> 01:55:14,124
"was continually being evicted,
jailed,

1836
01:55:14,168 --> 01:55:16,910
"in and out of fights,
in and out of my mind.

1837
01:55:16,953 --> 01:55:19,347
"Women were something
to screw and rail at.

1838
01:55:19,390 --> 01:55:21,479
"I had no male friends.

1839
01:55:21,523 --> 01:55:23,612
"I changed jobs and cities.

1840
01:55:23,655 --> 01:55:26,310
"I hated holidays,
babies, history,

1841
01:55:26,354 --> 01:55:28,965
"newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,

1842
01:55:29,009 --> 01:55:32,012
"marriage, movies, spiders,
garbagemen,

1843
01:55:32,055 --> 01:55:35,929
"English accents, Spain,
France, Italy,

1844
01:55:35,972 --> 01:55:38,670
"walnuts and the color orange.

1845
01:55:38,714 --> 01:55:40,542
"Algebra angered me.

1846
01:55:40,585 --> 01:55:42,500
"Opera sickened me.

1847
01:55:42,544 --> 01:55:44,589
"Charlie Chaplin was a fake.

1848
01:55:44,633 --> 01:55:46,765
"And flowers were for pansies.

1849
01:55:46,809 --> 01:55:50,160
"Peace and happiness were to me
signs of inferiority,

1850
01:55:50,204 --> 01:55:52,989
"tenants of the weak
and addled mind.

1851
01:55:53,033 --> 01:55:55,600
"But as I went on
with my alley fights,

1852
01:55:55,644 --> 01:55:57,167
"my suicidal years,

1853
01:55:57,211 --> 01:55:59,126
"my passage through
any number of women,

1854
01:55:59,169 --> 01:56:02,651
"it gradually began to occur
to me that I wasn't different

1855
01:56:02,694 --> 01:56:04,740
"from the others,
I was the same.

1856
01:56:04,783 --> 01:56:06,698
"They were all fulsome
with hatred,

1857
01:56:06,742 --> 01:56:09,092
"glossed over
with petty grievances.

1858
01:56:09,136 --> 01:56:11,747
"The men I fought in alleys
had hearts of stone.

1859
01:56:11,790 --> 01:56:13,749
"Everybody was nudging,
inching,

1860
01:56:13,792 --> 01:56:16,621
"cheating for some
insignificant advantage.

1861
01:56:16,665 --> 01:56:19,798
"The lie was the weapon,
and the plot was empty.

1862
01:56:19,842 --> 01:56:22,062
"Darkness was the dictator.

1863
01:56:22,105 --> 01:56:25,500
"Cautiously, I allowed myself
to feel good at times.

1864
01:56:25,543 --> 01:56:27,458
"I found moments of peace
in cheap rooms

1865
01:56:27,502 --> 01:56:30,505
"just staring at the knobs
of some dresser

1866
01:56:30,548 --> 01:56:32,855
"or listening
to the rain in the dark.

1867
01:56:32,898 --> 01:56:35,858
"The less I needed,
the better I felt.

1868
01:56:35,901 --> 01:56:37,773
"Maybe the other life
had worn me down.

1869
01:56:37,816 --> 01:56:39,470
"I no longer found glamour

1870
01:56:39,514 --> 01:56:41,864
"in topping somebody
in conversation

1871
01:56:41,907 --> 01:56:45,128
"or in mounting the body
of some poor, drunken female

1872
01:56:45,172 --> 01:56:47,652
"whose life had slipped away
into sorrow.

1873
01:56:47,696 --> 01:56:49,611
"I could never accept
life as it was.

1874
01:56:49,654 --> 01:56:52,440
"I could never gobble down
all its poisons.

1875
01:56:52,483 --> 01:56:54,746
"But there were parts,
tenuous magic parts,

1876
01:56:54,790 --> 01:56:56,748
"open for the asking.

1877
01:56:56,792 --> 01:56:58,315
"I reformulated.

1878
01:56:58,359 --> 01:57:00,361
"I don't know when...
date, time, all that...

1879
01:57:00,404 --> 01:57:02,015
"but the change occurred.

1880
01:57:02,058 --> 01:57:05,366
"Something in me relaxed,
smoothed out.

1881
01:57:05,409 --> 01:57:07,672
"I no longer had to prove
that I was a man.

1882
01:57:07,716 --> 01:57:09,413
"I didn't have to prove
anything.

1883
01:57:09,457 --> 01:57:11,198
"I began to see things.

1884
01:57:11,241 --> 01:57:13,939
"Coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a cafe.

1885
01:57:13,983 --> 01:57:16,420
"Or a dog walking
along a sidewalk.

1886
01:57:16,464 --> 01:57:18,379
"Or the way the mouse
on my dresser top

1887
01:57:18,422 --> 01:57:20,424
"stopped there,
really stopped there,

1888
01:57:20,468 --> 01:57:22,557
"with its body,
its ears, its nose.

1889
01:57:22,600 --> 01:57:26,430
"It was fixed, a bit of life
caught within itself,

1890
01:57:26,474 --> 01:57:30,260
"and its eyes looked at me,
and they were beautiful.

1891
01:57:30,304 --> 01:57:32,349
"Then it was gone.

1892
01:57:32,393 --> 01:57:34,221
"I began to feel good.

1893
01:57:34,264 --> 01:57:36,745
"I began to feel good
in the worst situations,

1894
01:57:36,788 --> 01:57:38,486
"and there were
plenty of those.

1895
01:57:38,529 --> 01:57:41,532
"Like, say, the boss
behind his desk.

1896
01:57:41,576 --> 01:57:43,665
"He is going to have
to fire me.

1897
01:57:43,708 --> 01:57:45,449
"I've missed too many days.

1898
01:57:45,493 --> 01:57:48,757
"He's dressed in a suit,
necktie, glasses.

1899
01:57:48,800 --> 01:57:51,542
"He says, 'I am going
to have to let you go.'

1900
01:57:51,586 --> 01:57:53,327
"'It's all right, '
I tell him.

1901
01:57:53,370 --> 01:57:54,806
"He must do what he must do.

1902
01:57:54,850 --> 01:57:56,765
"He has a wife,
a house, children,

1903
01:57:56,808 --> 01:57:59,985
"expenses,
most probably a girlfriend.

1904
01:58:00,029 --> 01:58:01,465
"I'm sorry for him.

1905
01:58:01,509 --> 01:58:03,119
"He's caught.

1906
01:58:03,163 --> 01:58:04,773
"I walk out into
the blazing sunshine.

1907
01:58:04,816 --> 01:58:07,558
"The whole day is mine,
temporarily anyhow.

1908
01:58:07,602 --> 01:58:10,170
"The whole world is at
the throat of the world.

1909
01:58:10,213 --> 01:58:13,129
"Everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated.

1910
01:58:13,173 --> 01:58:15,871
"Everybody is despondent,
disillusioned.

1911
01:58:15,914 --> 01:58:19,048
"I welcomed shots of peace,
tattered shards of happiness.

1912
01:58:19,092 --> 01:58:21,442
"I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,

1913
01:58:21,485 --> 01:58:24,358
"like high heels, breasts,
singing, the works.

1914
01:58:24,401 --> 01:58:25,924
"Don't get me wrong,

1915
01:58:25,968 --> 01:58:27,665
"there is such a thing
as cockeyed optimism

1916
01:58:27,709 --> 01:58:29,102
"that overlooks
all basic problems

1917
01:58:29,145 --> 01:58:30,581
"just for the sake of itself.

1918
01:58:30,625 --> 01:58:32,844
"This is a shield
and a sickness.

1919
01:58:32,888 --> 01:58:34,890
"The knife got near
my throat again.

1920
01:58:34,933 --> 01:58:36,805
"I almost turned on
the gas again.

1921
01:58:36,848 --> 01:58:38,807
"But when the good moments
arrived again,

1922
01:58:38,850 --> 01:58:40,939
"I didn't fight them off
like an alley adversary.

1923
01:58:40,983 --> 01:58:43,420
"I let them take me.
I luxuriated in them.

1924
01:58:43,464 --> 01:58:45,248
"I bade them welcome home.

1925
01:58:45,292 --> 01:58:46,902
"I even looked
into the mirror once

1926
01:58:46,945 --> 01:58:49,948
"having thought myself
to be ugly.

1927
01:58:49,992 --> 01:58:51,994
"I now liked what I saw.

1928
01:58:52,037 --> 01:58:53,691
"Almost handsome.

1929
01:58:53,735 --> 01:58:55,911
"Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.

1930
01:58:55,954 --> 01:58:58,087
"Scars, lumps, odd turns.

1931
01:58:58,131 --> 01:59:00,176
"But all in all, not too bad.

1932
01:59:00,220 --> 01:59:02,047
"Almost handsome.

1933
01:59:02,091 --> 01:59:04,137
"Better at least than some
of those movie star faces

1934
01:59:04,180 --> 01:59:05,877
"like the cheeks
of a baby's butt.

1935
01:59:05,921 --> 01:59:07,401
"And finally I discovered

1936
01:59:07,444 --> 01:59:09,751
"real feelings for others,
unheralded.

1937
01:59:09,794 --> 01:59:11,622
"Like lately,
like this morning,

1938
01:59:11,666 --> 01:59:15,148
"as I was leaving for the
track, I saw my wife in bed,

1939
01:59:15,191 --> 01:59:17,019
"just the shape
of her head there,

1940
01:59:17,062 --> 01:59:20,631
"covers pulled high, just
the shape of her head there.

1941
01:59:20,675 --> 01:59:23,068
"Not forgetting centuries
of the living and the dead

1942
01:59:23,112 --> 01:59:24,896
"and the dying, the pyramids,

1943
01:59:24,940 --> 01:59:27,421
"Mozart dead, but his music
still there in the room,

1944
01:59:27,464 --> 01:59:29,205
"weeds growing,
the Earth turning,

1945
01:59:29,249 --> 01:59:31,338
"the tote board waiting for me.

1946
01:59:31,381 --> 01:59:33,122
"I saw the shape
of my wife's head,

1947
01:59:33,166 --> 01:59:34,558
"she so still.

1948
01:59:34,602 --> 01:59:36,081
"I ached for her life,

1949
01:59:36,125 --> 01:59:37,779
"just being there
under the covers.

1950
01:59:37,822 --> 01:59:39,346
"I kissed her on the forehead,

1951
01:59:39,389 --> 01:59:41,130
"got down the stairway,
got outside,

1952
01:59:41,174 --> 01:59:43,611
"got into my marvelous car,
fixed the seat belt,

1953
01:59:43,654 --> 01:59:45,090
"backed out the drive.

1954
01:59:45,134 --> 01:59:46,918
"Feeling warm
to the fingertips,

1955
01:59:46,962 --> 01:59:49,747
"down to my foot
on the gas pedal,

1956
01:59:49,791 --> 01:59:51,706
"I entered the world once more,

1957
01:59:51,749 --> 01:59:53,795
"drove down the hill
past the houses

1958
01:59:53,838 --> 01:59:55,623
"full and empty of people.

1959
01:59:55,666 --> 01:59:58,103
"I saw the mailman, honked.

1960
01:59:58,147 --> 02:00:00,541
He waved back at me."