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- 0
- 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
- INDOXXI
- Support dengan like & share :)
- 1
- 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,809
- [wind blowing, waves lapping]
- 2
- 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,647
- MAN:
- So, this is for, uh,
- 3
- 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,909
- New York Times Magazine?
- 4
- 00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:42,085
- No. I'm sorry, that...
- 5
- 00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,695
- there...
- 6
- 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:46,046
- mm... no, I freelance.
- 7
- 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,525
- I write
- for different magazines,
- 8
- 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,136
- but this is a personal matter.
- 9
- 00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,485
- A personal matter?
- 10
- 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,313
- Yes, I'm sorry. Is that okay?
- 11
- 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:53,923
- No, it's absolutely okay.
- 12
- 00:00:53,966 --> 00:00:55,925
- May I ask what-what this is
- regarding and...?
- 13
- 00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,710
- Uh, it's about my son.
- 14
- 00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,974
- Okay. How can I help?
- 15
- 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:05,326
- [exhales]
- He...
- 16
- 00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:11,549
- There are moments
- that I look at him,
- 17
- 00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:14,204
- this kid that I raised,
- 18
- 00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:17,381
- who I thought I knew
- inside and out,
- 19
- 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,167
- and I wonder who he is.
- 20
- 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,910
- He's been doing all sorts
- of drugs,
- 21
- 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,999
- but he's addicted
- to crystal meth,
- 22
- 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:31,830
- which seems, uh, to be
- the worst of all of 'em.
- 23
- 00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:34,920
- And I guess I'm here
- 24
- 00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:39,099
- because I just want to know...
- 25
- 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,927
- all that I can about...
- 26
- 00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:43,842
- all of it.
- 27
- 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,670
- Know your enemies, right?
- 28
- 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,933
- So...
- 29
- 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:50,153
- [sighs]
- 30
- 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,590
- My two big questions are,
- 31
- 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:55,245
- wh-what is it doing to him,
- 32
- 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:58,640
- and what can I do to help him?
- 33
- 00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,686
- [crickets chirping]
- 34
- 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,735
- [shoes wiping on mat]
- 35
- 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:09,172
- [footsteps approaching]
- 36
- 00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,347
- [door opens]
- 37
- 00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,349
- [light switch clicks]
- 38
- 00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,830
- [David sighs]
- 39
- 00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:29,801
- [crickets chirping]
- 40
- 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,473
- [crickets chirping]
- 41
- 00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,393
- [line ringing]
- 42
- 00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:58,395
- MAN: Marin General Hospital.
- How may I help you?
- 43
- 00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,746
- DAVID:
- Hi. My son has gone missing,
- 44
- 00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,488
- and I wanted to check
- to see if he had...
- 45
- 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,186
- uh, maybe had been brought in
- 46
- 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:09,493
- or-or if-if there'd been
- an accident.
- 47
- 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,279
- Can I have name
- and description, sir?
- 48
- 00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:13,845
- Nicolas Sheff.
- 49
- 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:16,239
- S-H-E-F-F.
- 50
- 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,849
- He is...
- 51
- 00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,590
- 18 years old.
- 52
- 00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:22,767
- He is just over six feet tall.
- 53
- 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,508
- About 130 pounds.
- 54
- 00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,729
- Maybe less.
- I-I don't know. Um...
- 55
- 00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:30,253
- He has shoulder-length
- brown hair
- 56
- 00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,386
- and green eyes.
- 57
- 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,170
- MAN:
- Thank you. Please hold.
- 58
- 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,259
- DAVID:
- Okay.
- 59
- 00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:38,479
- - Mr. Sheff?
- - Yes.
- 60
- 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,655
- Uh, there's no one
- by that name, sir.
- 61
- 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:43,310
- Okay. Thank you.
- 62
- 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,050
- [beep]
- 63
- 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,186
- [crickets chirping]
- 64
- 00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,248
- [crickets chirping]
- 65
- 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,788
- DAVID:
- He's been gone for two days.
- 66
- 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,442
- VICKI:
- What do you mean he's gone?
- 67
- 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,357
- - What's going on?
- - I don't know.
- 68
- 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,793
- - I don't know.
- - Two days?
- 69
- 00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,316
- Why didn't you tell me sooner?
- 70
- 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,231
- Uh, I didn't want
- to worry you, I guess.
- 71
- 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,712
- - I just...
- - I'm his mother, David.
- 72
- 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,627
- Didn't you see this coming?
- 73
- 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:40,802
- Uh, no.
- 74
- 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,064
- What?
- 75
- 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:43,892
- No, no, I didn't see it coming.
- 76
- 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,981
- If I'd seen it coming,
- I would've done something.
- 77
- 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,331
- It was just a question, David.
- Jesus.
- 78
- 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,551
- I haven't been talking with him
- a lot lately.
- 79
- 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,727
- Well, maybe that's why you
- shouldn't be giving me advice
- 80
- 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,163
- in parenting, right?
- 81
- 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,165
- Fuck, Vicki.
- 82
- 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:58,646
- Can we just not blame
- each other right now? That's...
- 83
- 00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,561
- Who's blaming who here?
- 84
- 00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,780
- If I hardly ever see him,
- it's because he's supposed
- 85
- 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,478
- to come to I.A.
- for the holidays
- 86
- 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,523
- but always finds a reason
- not to come.
- 87
- 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,657
- Well, that's not my fault,
- is it?
- 88
- 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,137
- [birds chirping]
- 89
- 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,331
- ♪
- 90
- 00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,259
- DAVID:
- Nic.
- 91
- 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,478
- [baby fussing]
- 92
- 00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,698
- Here's your little brother.
- 93
- 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,004
- Tight.
- 94
- 00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:54,397
- Just support his head.
- 95
- 00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,399
- [whispering]
- 96
- 00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,662
- [crying]
- 97
- 00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,578
- [Nic and David laugh]
- 98
- 00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:03,580
- Hi, Jasper.
- 99
- 00:06:03,624 --> 00:06:06,278
- - Hi, little boy.
- - [fussing]
- 100
- 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,371
- This is amazing.
- 101
- 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,376
- [laughs]
- He's sticking his tongue out.
- 102
- 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,552
- [laughing]
- 103
- 00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,730
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- 104
- 00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:24,732
- - Bye.
- - Bye.
- 105
- 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,560
- - I'll miss you this summer.
- - Me, too.
- 106
- 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,649
- - Okay, write me.
- - Write me back.
- 107
- 00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:29,998
- Work on your French.
- 108
- 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,391
- - Oui, madame.
- - [chuckles]
- 109
- 00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,609
- Have a great summer.
- 110
- 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,655
- And say hi to your mom.
- 111
- 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,834
- - Everything.
- - Everything.
- 112
- 00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,451
- [engine whirring]
- 113
- 00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,497
- ♪
- 114
- 00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:14,085
- ♪
- 115
- 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,284
- [Daisy squealing]
- 116
- 00:07:44,289 --> 00:07:46,640
- [dog barking]
- 117
- 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,511
- JASPER:
- Ya!
- 118
- 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,382
- Come on.
- 119
- 00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,388
- [Daisy and Jasper chattering
- in distance]
- 120
- 00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:04,353
- [indistinct chatter
- and laughter in distance]
- 121
- 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,667
- [quietly]:
- Hey.
- 122
- 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:16,408
- - Where have you been?
- - Yeah, I just need to sleep,
- 123
- 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,975
- - all right?
- - What have you been doing?
- 124
- 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,847
- I just need to sleep,
- all right? Leave me alone.
- 125
- 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:24,112
- Guys, go downstairs.
- 126
- 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,810
- I'll be there in a minute.
- 127
- 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,901
- [birds chirping]
- 128
- 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,615
- [retching]
- 129
- 00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:51,052
- [coughing]
- 130
- 00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:00,061
- Ow.
- 131
- 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,682
- - Look, man, I'm-I'm, uh...
- - [sighs]
- 132
- 00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:17,121
- I'm really sorry, all right?
- And-and I, uh...
- 133
- 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,384
- I fucked up,
- and it was a mistake, but...
- 134
- 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,735
- it was a one-time mistake,
- all right? I learned my lesson.
- 135
- 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:25,216
- I don't want to go through this
- shit again, all right? So...
- 136
- 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,348
- - Let's just go inside.
- - No.
- 137
- 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:27,828
- They're professionals.
- 138
- 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,612
- Let's just listen
- to what they have to say.
- 139
- 00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,396
- Look, I'm 18, all right?!
- You can't force me!
- 140
- 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,442
- Hey.
- 141
- 00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,751
- This got out of hand, right?
- 142
- 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:39,535
- Don't you think?
- 143
- 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,236
- Come on.
- 144
- 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,761
- All right.
- 145
- 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:51,591
- Okay. Okay.
- 146
- 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:57,205
- I'm doing it for you.
- 147
- 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:08,259
- [indistinct chatter]
- 148
- 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,046
- [siren wailing in distance]
- 149
- 00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,583
- He needs treatment. And fast.
- 150
- 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,281
- There's still a lot of drugs
- in his system.
- 151
- 00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,502
- And, worst of all,
- he's in denial.
- 152
- 00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,984
- Um, can you help him?
- 153
- 00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,203
- Oh, yeah. I mean,
- 154
- 00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:42,206
- a lot of the people here
- are not here by choice.
- 155
- 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,644
- And they have just
- as much chance as anybody.
- 156
- 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,646
- Okay.
- [clears throat]
- 157
- 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,865
- So, we have a free bed.
- 158
- 00:10:48,909 --> 00:10:51,651
- So, if you want, we can check
- him in for a 28-day treatment
- 159
- 00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,522
- and then we evaluate.
- 160
- 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,656
- Um...
- 161
- 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,440
- what is your success rate?
- 162
- 00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,703
- On the high end, 80%.
- 163
- 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,531
- On the low end,
- 164
- 00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,707
- 25%.
- 165
- 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,623
- Look, he will have
- daily consultations
- 166
- 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,843
- with a staff psychiatrist
- and physician.
- 167
- 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:13,803
- We have daily N.A.
- and A.A. meetings.
- 168
- 00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,284
- He'll be monitored
- very closely.
- 169
- 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,896
- Thank you.
- 170
- 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:23,117
- And last page.
- 171
- 00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,381
- Everything.
- 172
- 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:31,212
- [whispers]:
- Everything.
- 173
- 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,358
- [indistinct chatter]
- 174
- 00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,555
- ♪
- 175
- 00:12:16,561 --> 00:12:19,521
- DAVID: Why are you
- always in this room?
- 176
- 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,741
- You hardly ever come out
- of here.
- 177
- 00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,525
- It's like you're a vampire.
- 178
- 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,529
- I read.
- 179
- 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:30,097
- I draw.
- 180
- 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,708
- You know what we should do?
- 181
- 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,754
- We should go surfing.
- 182
- 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,538
- Yeah.
- 183
- 00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,409
- That sound good?
- 184
- 00:12:38,453 --> 00:12:41,151
- I'm kind of into other things
- now, you know?
- 185
- 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,851
- Reading misanthropes and
- seriously depressed writers.
- 186
- 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,461
- Oh, come on, they're...
- 187
- 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:48,202
- they're kind of great,
- though, right?
- 188
- 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,246
- I get it.
- 189
- 00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:53,816
- It'll pass, though.
- 190
- 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,818
- It always does.
- 191
- 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,733
- What does?
- 192
- 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,998
- The feeling of being alienated
- and isolated.
- 193
- 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,913
- Huh, that really helps.
- 194
- 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:06,002
- Thanks for the advice, Dad.
- 195
- 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,049
- Okay.
- 196
- 00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:12,487
- All right. That was...
- 197
- 00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,010
- That came out wrong. I'm sorry.
- 198
- 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,491
- Mm-mm.
- 199
- 00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,850
- NIC:
- All right. Your-your idea.
- 200
- 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,939
- Hey.
- 201
- 00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:33,856
- [whispers]:
- Hey, Dad.
- 202
- 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,990
- MAN: So, we feel
- he's made great progress.
- 203
- 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,209
- - Right, Nic?
- - Hi. -Hey.
- 204
- 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,211
- - KAREN: That's great.
- - DAVID: That's great.
- 205
- 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,083
- MAN: So we should maybe talk
- about the coming weeks, Nic.
- 206
- 00:13:43,126 --> 00:13:45,650
- Mm. I think I need to...
- I think I need
- 207
- 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:47,783
- a little bit more time
- in rehab. So if it's...
- 208
- 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,090
- if it's all right
- with you guys, I was wondering
- 209
- 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,743
- if I could stay
- in the halfway house here.
- 210
- 00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:56,226
- MAN: The halfway house
- is an open living facility
- 211
- 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,228
- with follow-up every night,
- 212
- 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:01,753
- and we would help him
- find a job.
- 213
- 00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,843
- Right. I don't want to...
- 214
- 00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,497
- go to college...
- 215
- 00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:08,891
- - right now.
- - DAVID: Oh?
- 216
- 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,894
- Okay. Uh, um, and do what?
- 217
- 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:15,506
- I think I need
- to be independent.
- 218
- 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,424
- Dad, I'm telling you,
- this is...
- 219
- 00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,951
- It's gonna be good.
- 220
- 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,561
- DAVID:
- What is he gonna do,
- 221
- 00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:28,215
- make coffee
- for the rest of his life?
- 222
- 00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,564
- KAREN: You know what,
- Frederick told me
- 223
- 00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,566
- that they have friends
- that had a son
- 224
- 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,568
- that did a four-week program
- and that wasn't enough
- 225
- 00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,831
- and now he's doing
- a year program.
- 226
- 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,399
- I wish you wouldn't talk
- to everybody about it.
- 227
- 00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,142
- What does that got to do
- with anything?
- 228
- 00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,926
- To protect Nic.
- I mean, at some point,
- 229
- 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,885
- he's gonna want to get on
- with his life.
- 230
- 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,930
- And maybe it's best that
- not everybody knows about this.
- 231
- 00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,932
- Okay.
- 232
- 00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,501
- Can we not make this about me?
- 233
- 00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,937
- Uh...
- [sighs] All right.
- 234
- 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,331
- Look, Nic needs some more time.
- 235
- 00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,681
- And that's fine.
- 236
- 00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,074
- - Okay?
- - Okay.
- 237
- 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,249
- Okay?
- 238
- 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:03,903
- Yeah, okay.
- 239
- 00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:08,908
- [children shouting
- indistinctly]
- 240
- 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,432
- - [phone ringing]
- - [dog barking]
- 241
- 00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:13,173
- Shh.
- 242
- 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,218
- [dog continues barking]
- 243
- 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,395
- David Sheff.
- 244
- 00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:19,919
- WOMAN [on phone]:
- Hi, Mr. Sheff.
- 245
- 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,225
- This is Annie Goldblum
- from the Ohlhoff Center.
- 246
- 00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,358
- Oh, yes. Hi. Hello.
- 247
- 00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,012
- ANNIE: Listen,
- I am sorry to disturb you,
- 248
- 00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,884
- but I need to inform you
- about Nic.
- 249
- 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,278
- Okay.
- 250
- 00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,889
- He left the facility today
- during free time,
- 251
- 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,805
- and he hasn't returned since.
- 252
- 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,198
- [sighs]
- 253
- 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:39,547
- I'm sorry, Mr. Sheff,
- 254
- 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,070
- but please don't despair.
- 255
- 00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,246
- This happens.
- 256
- 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,509
- [sighs] But I...
- 257
- 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:47,903
- I thought you said
- he was doing so well.
- 258
- 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,951
- You should think of this
- as part of the process.
- 259
- 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,301
- Relapse is a part of recovery.
- 260
- 00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,259
- Relapse is part of recovery?
- 261
- 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:59,306
- Yeah. It-it's a part
- of Nic's learning process.
- 262
- 00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,090
- Well, uh, that's...
- 263
- 00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,528
- that's like saying crashing
- is part of pilot training.
- 264
- 00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:07,270
- Look, he'll be back,
- and probably really quick.
- 265
- 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,142
- [scoffs] Do you have somebody
- out looking for him?
- 266
- 00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,057
- ANNIE:
- It is not our responsibility
- 267
- 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,623
- once he leaves the facility.
- 268
- 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,364
- - DAVID: Okay.
- - But he is welcome to...
- 269
- 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,366
- [phone beeps]
- 270
- 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:19,456
- ["Territorial Pissings"
- by Nirvana playing]
- 271
- 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,250
- ♪ When I was
- 272
- 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:33,296
- [young Nic singing along]:
- ♪ An alien
- 273
- 00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:38,519
- ♪ Cultures weren't opinions
- 274
- 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,825
- ♪ Gotta find a way,
- to find a way ♪
- 275
- 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:43,437
- ♪ When I'm there
- 276
- 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,092
- ♪ Gotta find a way,
- a better way ♪
- 277
- 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,964
- ♪ I'd better wait
- 278
- 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,922
- ♪
- 279
- 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,881
- Excuse me.
- 280
- 00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,362
- Have you seen a kid
- hanging out around here?
- 281
- 00:16:55,405 --> 00:16:57,190
- - No.
- - No?
- 282
- 00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,540
- Okay, thank you.
- 283
- 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:04,414
- ♪ Just because
- you're paranoid ♪
- 284
- 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:09,071
- ♪ Don't mean they're not
- after you ♪
- 285
- 00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,073
- [music stops]
- 286
- 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,732
- ♪ Gotta find a way,
- a better way ♪
- 287
- 00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:20,430
- ♪ When I'm there
- 288
- 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,650
- ♪ Gotta find a way,
- a better way ♪
- 289
- 00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,522
- - ♪ I'd better wait
- - [thunder rumbles]
- 290
- 00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:28,482
- ♪ Gotta find a way,
- a better way ♪
- 291
- 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:31,267
- ♪ I'd better wait
- 292
- 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,791
- ♪ Gotta find a way,
- a better way ♪
- 293
- 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,403
- ♪ When I'm there
- 294
- 00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:38,013
- ♪ Gotta find a way
- 295
- 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,755
- ♪ Aah, aah!
- 296
- 00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,800
- ♪ Aah!
- 297
- 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:45,238
- - [song ends]
- - [Nic retching]
- 298
- 00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,848
- Wow. They don't want
- to deal with that.
- 299
- 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,110
- Hey, Dad, you want
- to smoke this?
- 300
- 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,329
- - Hey, whoa.
- - [Nic chuckling]
- 301
- 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,852
- Wait. What...? Stop.
- 302
- 00:17:50,895 --> 00:17:52,114
- - Put that away.
- - We'll smoke this together.
- 303
- 00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:53,768
- No, no, no. No.
- Are you cra...
- 304
- 00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,422
- - That's crazy.
- - Well, I know you smoke.
- 305
- 00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,032
- - Y... Well, yeah. I...
- - So let's smoke together.
- 306
- 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,642
- No, no, no.
- Occasionally, like...
- 307
- 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,383
- - Look, let's smoke to...
- let's smoke together. -Listen.
- 308
- 00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,429
- - Or I could just... You know what?
- - No, stop it, stop it.
- 309
- 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,647
- - Stop. Stop.
- - I'll just light it here a...
- 310
- 00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:04,779
- You know what? You're right.
- 311
- 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:05,997
- I'll just light it here alone.
- 312
- 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,564
- - [Nic laughs]
- - Don't. Occasionally,
- 313
- 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:08,826
- - from time to time...
- - Yeah?
- 314
- 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,785
- I will have a hit or two
- at a party,
- 315
- 00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,569
- but it's been a while,
- so just...
- 316
- 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,093
- Oh, okay, so then just smoke...
- 317
- 00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:16,747
- have-have a celebratory joint
- with your son.
- 318
- 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:19,402
- N-No. God, come on.
- [chuckles]
- 319
- 00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,143
- No. No, you're amazing.
- 320
- 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,666
- You got... you applied
- to six colleges,
- 321
- 00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,103
- you got into all of them?
- 322
- 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,234
- Yeah.
- 323
- 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,280
- Stop doubting yourself.
- 324
- 00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,020
- Look at you.
- 325
- 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,589
- Give me that. Give me that.
- 326
- 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,812
- - [laughing]
- - What? [laughs]
- 327
- 00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:40,162
- Nice-nice hit.
- That was a good hit.
- 328
- 00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,946
- [both laughing]
- 329
- 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,427
- - What?
- - Well...
- 330
- 00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:49,476
- Thank you. This is a nice...
- 331
- 00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,434
- thing to do.
- 332
- 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,436
- [muttering]
- 333
- 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,917
- You did a lot of drugs, right?
- 334
- 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,745
- I, uh...
- 335
- 00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,964
- Yeah, I did my share.
- 336
- 00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:01,444
- I experimented
- with some drugs.
- 337
- 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,967
- - [laughs]
- - I did.
- 338
- 00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,448
- [both laugh]
- 339
- 00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:06,797
- - But not harmless.
- - What, is this...?
- 340
- 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,234
- There was a guy, and...
- No, no.
- 341
- 00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,452
- This is the lecture part?
- 342
- 00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,193
- - Right?
- - [sighs] Yes.
- 343
- 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,673
- Dad, you worry too much,
- all right?
- 344
- 00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,762
- - Everyone does it.
- - Just be careful.
- 345
- 00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:17,243
- It's just a little pot.
- I'm just partying a little.
- 346
- 00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,332
- It's just... you know,
- it's just once in a while.
- 347
- 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,724
- Mm-hmm.
- 348
- 00:19:20,768 --> 00:19:22,987
- I deserve to party
- a little now.
- 349
- 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:24,511
- - "Deserve to party."
- - I do.
- 350
- 00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:27,601
- Look, it just... it takes
- the edge off things.
- 351
- 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:31,126
- It-it... it-it takes the edge
- off of stupid all-day reality.
- 352
- 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,128
- ♪
- 353
- 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,304
- Hmm.
- 354
- 00:19:35,348 --> 00:19:38,960
- What is stupid about reality?
- 355
- 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,918
- You know, just like...
- 356
- 00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:44,879
- like daily, stupid things
- that don't matter.
- 357
- 00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,359
- - Okay.
- - [sighs]
- 358
- 00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,317
- You cannot say
- dumb shit like that,
- 359
- 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,797
- or you're gonna start
- believing it.
- 360
- 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,494
- Right.
- 361
- 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,149
- ["Sound and Vision"
- by David Bowie playing]
- 362
- 00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,240
- ♪ Blue, blue, electric blue
- 363
- 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,502
- ♪ That's the color
- 364
- 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,025
- ♪ Of my room
- 365
- 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,462
- ♪ Where I will live
- 366
- 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,727
- ♪ Blue, blue
- 367
- 00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,254
- ♪ Pale blinds drawn all day
- 368
- 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,996
- ♪ Nothing to do,
- nothing to say. ♪
- 369
- 00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,222
- Thanks for bringing that,
- Karen.
- 370
- 00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:26,877
- [sighs]
- 371
- 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,751
- This is my home.
- 372
- 00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,624
- DAVID: A couple of weeks ago,
- you told me
- 373
- 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:38,193
- that you had only done
- crystal meth once.
- 374
- 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,152
- And the story has to be bigger
- than that, right?
- 375
- 00:20:41,196 --> 00:20:43,329
- - Mm-hmm.
- - There's more to it.
- 376
- 00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:44,634
- Yeah?
- 377
- 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:45,896
- David.
- 378
- 00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,071
- DAVID:
- We need to know.
- 379
- 00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,031
- We need to know.
- 380
- 00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,906
- I think I always liked it.
- 381
- 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,995
- What?
- 382
- 00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,304
- Anything. Pot, alcohol,
- 383
- 00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:05,525
- Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD.
- 384
- 00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,004
- [Nic sighs]
- 385
- 00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:09,355
- And you've been doing
- all of that
- 386
- 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:11,400
- for what... years?
- 387
- 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,446
- A couple years, yeah.
- 388
- 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,144
- And crystal meth?
- 389
- 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,539
- Just a couple months.
- 390
- 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,281
- Wh-Why?
- 391
- 00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:25,936
- I don't know.
- 392
- 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:27,982
- Um...
- 393
- 00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:35,642
- When I tried it, I felt...
- 394
- 00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:44,477
- I felt better
- than I ever had, so...
- 395
- 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,914
- I just kept on doing it.
- 396
- 00:21:46,957 --> 00:21:50,178
- I was worried that you
- were smoking too much pot.
- 397
- 00:21:50,221 --> 00:21:54,704
- Meanwhile, you're out doing
- every drug on the planet?
- 398
- 00:21:54,748 --> 00:21:58,795
- And hiding it and lying?
- 399
- 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,362
- Why?
- 400
- 00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:03,670
- - I don't know. Um...
- - Why?
- 401
- 00:22:03,713 --> 00:22:05,367
- - Nic, tell me why.
- - KAREN: Ease up.
- 402
- 00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:07,543
- - I don't know.
- - I thought we were close.
- 403
- 00:22:07,587 --> 00:22:09,850
- I thought we were closer
- than most fathers and sons.
- 404
- 00:22:09,893 --> 00:22:11,808
- Yeah, I feel like you're
- always disappointed in me.
- 405
- 00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,288
- You're disappointed
- I didn't go to college.
- 406
- 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,463
- Can you blame me?!
- 407
- 00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:16,117
- Just, uh, not too long ago,
- 408
- 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,337
- you were reading and you
- were writing, and you were on
- 409
- 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:19,773
- the water polo team.
- 410
- 00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:21,340
- And look at us now.
- 411
- 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:22,863
- - Dad... -Can you please stop?
- - This isn't us.
- 412
- 00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:24,995
- - This is not who we are.
- - KAREN: Just, please,
- 413
- 00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,693
- both of you, stop.
- 414
- 00:22:26,736 --> 00:22:29,609
- Dad, I'm really sorry
- about everything.
- 415
- 00:22:31,045 --> 00:22:33,221
- Dad, I'm so...
- 416
- 00:22:35,789 --> 00:22:38,182
- I'm really sorry, Dad.
- 417
- 00:22:39,314 --> 00:22:42,012
- [David sighs]
- 418
- 00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:44,363
- - Nic, what you have...
- - [exhales]
- 419
- 00:22:45,538 --> 00:22:47,975
- ...you're gonna find it again.
- 420
- 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,673
- [exhales]
- 421
- 00:22:50,717 --> 00:22:53,850
- And you're gonna get it back.
- 422
- 00:22:53,894 --> 00:22:55,765
- ♪ Long afloat on
- 423
- 00:22:55,809 --> 00:22:57,376
- Ow, ow, ow.
- 424
- 00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:59,247
- - Ow. There you go.
- - ♪ Shipless oceans
- 425
- 00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:00,901
- [dog barking]
- 426
- 00:23:00,944 --> 00:23:04,557
- ♪ I did all my best
- 427
- 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,472
- ♪ To smile
- 428
- 00:23:08,169 --> 00:23:10,998
- ♪ Till your singing
- 429
- 00:23:11,041 --> 00:23:13,522
- ♪ Eyes and fingers
- 430
- 00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:18,440
- ♪ Drew me loving
- 431
- 00:23:18,484 --> 00:23:21,791
- ♪ To your isle
- 432
- 00:23:21,835 --> 00:23:23,314
- ♪ And you sang
- 433
- 00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:27,144
- ♪ Sail to me
- 434
- 00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:30,191
- ♪ Sail to me
- 435
- 00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:33,673
- ♪ Let me enfold you.
- 436
- 00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,676
- DAVID:
- Nic!
- 437
- 00:23:46,555 --> 00:23:48,557
- Nic!
- 438
- 00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,255
- Nic!
- 439
- 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,737
- Nic!
- 440
- 00:24:05,139 --> 00:24:07,141
- Nic!
- 441
- 00:24:08,795 --> 00:24:10,797
- [seagulls squawking]
- 442
- 00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:16,280
- [whooping]
- 443
- 00:24:16,324 --> 00:24:17,891
- [laughing]
- 444
- 00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:22,983
- NIC:
- Hey, Dad.
- 445
- 00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:24,724
- DAVID [on phone]:
- Hey.
- 446
- 00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:26,377
- How's New York?
- 447
- 00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:27,596
- Fine. Good.
- 448
- 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:28,989
- Good interview today.
- 449
- 00:24:29,032 --> 00:24:30,425
- - Nice.
- - How are you?
- 450
- 00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:33,036
- Oh, I'm-I'm doing good. Yeah.
- 451
- 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,690
- Yeah? You sure?
- 452
- 00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:36,518
- Yeah. I don't... well...
- 453
- 00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:38,302
- What?
- 454
- 00:24:38,346 --> 00:24:39,913
- It's, uh...
- 455
- 00:24:39,956 --> 00:24:41,392
- What's going on?
- 456
- 00:24:41,436 --> 00:24:44,308
- Uh, we had this great
- group session,
- 457
- 00:24:44,352 --> 00:24:46,920
- and one of the guys here was
- saying he would do anything
- 458
- 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:49,052
- for a chance to go to college,
- but he can't.
- 459
- 00:24:49,096 --> 00:24:51,098
- - Okay. -And when we were
- talking later, he said,
- 460
- 00:24:51,141 --> 00:24:53,317
- "You could still go to college.
- Don't be an idiot.
- 461
- 00:24:53,361 --> 00:24:55,319
- Go to college."
- 462
- 00:24:56,582 --> 00:24:58,105
- I don't know, it's just crazy.
- 463
- 00:24:58,148 --> 00:25:01,151
- I realized I don't think
- I should stay behind.
- 464
- 00:25:01,195 --> 00:25:02,370
- I love writing.
- 465
- 00:25:02,413 --> 00:25:04,938
- And I feel like I'm good at it,
- 466
- 00:25:04,981 --> 00:25:07,723
- and I do it a lot, but...
- 467
- 00:25:07,767 --> 00:25:10,596
- obviously, there's still a lot
- 468
- 00:25:10,639 --> 00:25:12,989
- for-for me to learn and...
- 469
- 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,819
- Anyway, um...
- 470
- 00:25:16,863 --> 00:25:19,648
- I'd love to give it a go, if...
- 471
- 00:25:19,692 --> 00:25:22,521
- you know, if it's all right
- with you guys.
- 472
- 00:25:25,393 --> 00:25:28,875
- Yeah. I'll talk to Karen
- and to your mom.
- 473
- 00:25:29,919 --> 00:25:31,704
- Back here.
- 474
- 00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:33,749
- [quiet, indistinct
- conversation]
- 475
- 00:25:37,274 --> 00:25:39,276
- [indistinct conversation]
- 476
- 00:25:49,809 --> 00:25:51,811
- [indistinct talking,
- laughing nearby]
- 477
- 00:25:54,988 --> 00:25:56,598
- Have you met your roommate yet?
- 478
- 00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:57,817
- Yeah, he seems nice.
- 479
- 00:25:57,860 --> 00:25:59,906
- He's just in the hall.
- 480
- 00:25:59,949 --> 00:26:01,211
- I feel for you, though.
- 481
- 00:26:01,255 --> 00:26:02,604
- [Nic laughs]
- 482
- 00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:03,997
- Ouch.
- 483
- 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:05,564
- No worries. I'll educate him.
- 484
- 00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:07,348
- [David laughs]
- 485
- 00:26:07,391 --> 00:26:09,611
- Before you know it, he'll be
- listening to John Zorn.
- 486
- 00:26:09,655 --> 00:26:11,482
- Ah.
- 487
- 00:26:13,702 --> 00:26:15,704
- [sighs]
- 488
- 00:26:19,926 --> 00:26:21,841
- Well, I better get going.
- 489
- 00:26:21,884 --> 00:26:23,233
- All right.
- 490
- 00:26:34,941 --> 00:26:39,336
- - Everything.
- - Everything.
- 491
- 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:41,382
- - [indistinct chatter]
- - [wheels rattling]
- 492
- 00:26:53,089 --> 00:26:54,787
- NIC:
- So, this is a poem
- 493
- 00:26:54,830 --> 00:26:56,397
- by Charles Bukowski.
- 494
- 00:26:58,051 --> 00:27:02,446
- Uh, this man saved my life
- multiple times, so...
- 495
- 00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:06,015
- "I changed jobs and cities,
- 496
- 00:27:06,059 --> 00:27:07,800
- "I hated holidays,
- 497
- 00:27:07,843 --> 00:27:10,411
- "babies, history,
- 498
- 00:27:10,454 --> 00:27:13,762
- "newspapers, museums,
- grandmothers,
- 499
- 00:27:13,806 --> 00:27:17,766
- marriage, movies, spiders..."
- 500
- 00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:19,594
- I want to see it,
- I want to see it! Oh!
- 501
- 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,943
- NIC:
- "...garbagemen,
- 502
- 00:27:20,987 --> 00:27:22,249
- - "English accents...
- - Nice. Go, go, go!
- 503
- 00:27:22,292 --> 00:27:24,381
- NIC:
- "...Spain, France,
- 504
- 00:27:24,425 --> 00:27:28,429
- "Italy, walnuts
- and the color orange.
- 505
- 00:27:28,472 --> 00:27:34,087
- "Algebra angered me,
- opera sickened me,
- 506
- 00:27:34,130 --> 00:27:35,697
- "Charlie Chaplin was a fake
- 507
- 00:27:35,741 --> 00:27:38,265
- and flowers were for pansies."
- 508
- 00:27:42,008 --> 00:27:44,010
- Thanks.
- 509
- 00:27:48,144 --> 00:27:50,146
- [conversing indistinctly]
- 510
- 00:27:52,192 --> 00:27:54,934
- ["Svefn-g-englar"
- by Sigur Rós playing]
- 511
- 00:27:59,939 --> 00:28:02,681
- - [laughs]
- - Come here.
- 512
- 00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:04,683
- ♪
- 513
- 00:28:08,295 --> 00:28:10,384
- Mm.
- 514
- 00:28:10,427 --> 00:28:12,995
- Hi. [laughs]
- 515
- 00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:22,701
- [giggles]
- 516
- 00:28:22,744 --> 00:28:25,007
- ["Svefn-g-englar" continues,
- with singing in Icelandic]
- 517
- 00:28:25,051 --> 00:28:27,967
- [indistinct chatter]
- 518
- 00:28:28,010 --> 00:28:30,752
- ♪
- 519
- 00:28:30,796 --> 00:28:32,754
- [indistinct chatter]
- 520
- 00:28:35,104 --> 00:28:36,627
- Where's your bathroom?
- 521
- 00:28:36,671 --> 00:28:38,151
- Hey, is there a bathroom
- I can use?
- 522
- 00:28:38,194 --> 00:28:39,239
- WOMAN:
- Sure, honey.
- 523
- 00:28:39,282 --> 00:28:40,501
- I'll show you where it is.
- 524
- 00:28:40,544 --> 00:28:42,111
- Go right up, to the left.
- 525
- 00:28:42,155 --> 00:28:44,157
- ♪
- 526
- 00:28:56,082 --> 00:28:58,084
- ♪
- 527
- 00:29:03,785 --> 00:29:05,744
- [indistinct chatter, laughter]
- 528
- 00:29:13,229 --> 00:29:15,231
- ♪
- 529
- 00:29:28,592 --> 00:29:30,290
- [laughs]
- 530
- 00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:38,733
- [indistinct chatter continues]
- 531
- 00:29:42,171 --> 00:29:44,130
- ♪
- 532
- 00:29:44,173 --> 00:29:46,175
- [phone ringing]
- 533
- 00:29:46,219 --> 00:29:48,177
- ♪
- 534
- 00:29:48,221 --> 00:29:50,223
- [phone ringing]
- 535
- 00:29:54,488 --> 00:29:56,838
- - Hey, Dad.
- - DAVID [on phone]: Hey, Nic.
- 536
- 00:29:56,882 --> 00:29:58,622
- How you doing?
- What's going on?
- 537
- 00:29:58,666 --> 00:30:00,059
- Oh, no, everything's
- going great here, yeah.
- 538
- 00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:01,538
- Oh, hey, thanks for sending
- the money.
- 539
- 00:30:01,582 --> 00:30:02,713
- I really appreciate that.
- 540
- 00:30:02,757 --> 00:30:04,759
- ♪
- 541
- 00:30:15,901 --> 00:30:18,164
- ♪
- 542
- 00:30:32,482 --> 00:30:34,963
- ♪
- 543
- 00:30:49,021 --> 00:30:51,023
- ♪
- 544
- 00:31:05,602 --> 00:31:08,562
- [laughter nearby]
- 545
- 00:31:08,605 --> 00:31:12,000
- [indistinct chatter]
- 546
- 00:31:12,044 --> 00:31:14,046
- ♪
- 547
- 00:31:22,271 --> 00:31:24,447
- [chiming quietly]
- 548
- 00:31:29,365 --> 00:31:31,977
- DAVID [chuckles]: Yeah,
- you always hog the fondue.
- 549
- 00:31:32,020 --> 00:31:34,501
- Oh, uh, Patrick and Phil
- are going hiking tomorrow,
- 550
- 00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:37,591
- so they'd like us to join them.
- 551
- 00:31:37,634 --> 00:31:39,593
- ♪
- 552
- 00:31:39,636 --> 00:31:41,943
- [mouthing]
- 553
- 00:31:41,987 --> 00:31:43,510
- Are Jasper and Daisy here,
- by any...?
- 554
- 00:31:43,553 --> 00:31:45,512
- - They're not here.
- - No?
- 555
- 00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,253
- - No. -Oh, they didn't
- want to see me?
- 556
- 00:31:47,296 --> 00:31:49,820
- - No, they didn't want to see you.
- - Oh, that's tough to hear.
- 557
- 00:31:49,864 --> 00:31:52,911
- Uh, well, I'm gonna just have
- a seat on this couch
- 558
- 00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:54,042
- and think about that, huh?
- 559
- 00:31:54,086 --> 00:31:55,478
- - Oh!
- - Whoa! Whoa!
- 560
- 00:31:55,522 --> 00:31:58,873
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God, it's Daisy!
- 561
- 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,483
- Oh, Jasper!
- 562
- 00:32:00,527 --> 00:32:03,356
- Oh, my God, you guys
- have gotten so much bigger!
- 563
- 00:32:03,399 --> 00:32:06,402
- Oh! Oh, my God, you're so...!
- [yells]
- 564
- 00:32:07,664 --> 00:32:09,362
- - DAVID: Okay.
- - Denmark, 1632.
- 565
- 00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:11,538
- - Oh, no.
- - We...
- 566
- 00:32:11,581 --> 00:32:15,672
- Like to look back
- at the history of Hula-Hoops.
- 567
- 00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:18,240
- NIC:
- So important to, uh,
- 568
- 00:32:18,284 --> 00:32:20,590
- the culture
- of peace and wisdom.
- 569
- 00:32:20,634 --> 00:32:22,114
- DAVID:
- Um, a man
- 570
- 00:32:22,157 --> 00:32:24,420
- - named George...
- - Hoopulu.
- 571
- 00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:27,510
- - [laughter]
- - Was, uh... was, uh...
- 572
- 00:32:27,554 --> 00:32:29,208
- And he thought...
- 573
- 00:32:29,251 --> 00:32:31,775
- [mock Danish accent]:
- "Well, I'm going to
- 574
- 00:32:31,819 --> 00:32:33,386
- develop something that I..."
- 575
- 00:32:38,913 --> 00:32:40,262
- Hey.
- 576
- 00:32:40,306 --> 00:32:43,178
- - Hey. Uh...
- - [sighs]
- 577
- 00:32:43,222 --> 00:32:45,659
- Hey. Um...
- 578
- 00:32:45,702 --> 00:32:48,618
- I was wondering, do you think
- I could use your car tonight?
- 579
- 00:32:48,662 --> 00:32:51,056
- 'Cause I just...
- I want to go to a meeting.
- 580
- 00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:53,014
- Oh. You got a meeting tonight?
- 581
- 00:32:53,058 --> 00:32:54,885
- Yeah, sure.
- 582
- 00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,629
- Y-You good?
- 583
- 00:32:59,673 --> 00:33:01,327
- [chuckles softly]:
- Yeah. I just...
- 584
- 00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:04,025
- - They're crazy.
- - Yeah.
- 585
- 00:33:04,069 --> 00:33:06,723
- They're really excited
- you're home.
- 586
- 00:33:08,769 --> 00:33:11,598
- - I mean, I'll see you
- in the morning, I guess. -Okay.
- 587
- 00:33:13,295 --> 00:33:15,254
- All right.
- 588
- 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,573
- [rock instrumental playing]
- 589
- 00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:39,843
- Yep! Mm!
- 590
- 00:33:39,887 --> 00:33:43,456
- [mumbling incoherently]
- 591
- 00:33:48,374 --> 00:33:51,507
- ♪
- 592
- 00:33:53,857 --> 00:33:55,816
- [distorted whirr
- of passing car]
- 593
- 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,908
- [inhales]
- 594
- 00:34:02,475 --> 00:34:04,216
- JASPER:
- Where is it?!
- 595
- 00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:05,782
- DAISY:
- I don't have it!
- 596
- 00:34:05,826 --> 00:34:07,306
- JASPER:
- Where is it?!
- 597
- 00:34:07,349 --> 00:34:08,872
- DAISY:
- I don't have it!
- 598
- 00:34:08,916 --> 00:34:10,700
- DAVID:
- Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
- 599
- 00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:12,398
- JASPER:
- Where is it?!
- 600
- 00:34:12,441 --> 00:34:14,095
- - DAVID: Guys, guys, stop it.
- - DAISY: I don't know!
- 601
- 00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:15,923
- DAVID: Stop. Calm down.
- What's going on in here?
- 602
- 00:34:15,966 --> 00:34:17,751
- JASPER:
- She took my money!
- 603
- 00:34:17,794 --> 00:34:19,187
- DAISY [sobbing]:
- I didn't.
- 604
- 00:34:19,231 --> 00:34:21,407
- DAVID: Okay, all right.
- Come on, go downstairs
- 605
- 00:34:21,450 --> 00:34:23,148
- - and see Mommy, all right?
- - You took them!
- 606
- 00:34:23,191 --> 00:34:25,106
- - [sobbing] -Don't, don't,
- don't. Stop, stop.
- 607
- 00:34:25,150 --> 00:34:28,153
- - I didn't take it, Daddy.
- - I know you didn't. All right.
- 608
- 00:34:28,196 --> 00:34:30,938
- Just go downstairs
- and have some breakfast.
- 609
- 00:34:30,981 --> 00:34:32,070
- Hey, what happened?
- 610
- 00:34:32,113 --> 00:34:33,723
- [Jasper shuddering]
- 611
- 00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:35,116
- They're gone.
- 612
- 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,640
- Okay. Are you sure
- you had it in there?
- 613
- 00:34:37,684 --> 00:34:40,817
- - Yeah. I had them yesterday.
- - Okay.
- 614
- 00:34:47,824 --> 00:34:49,826
- Jasper's savings disappeared.
- 615
- 00:34:51,828 --> 00:34:53,830
- Yeah? That's weird.
- 616
- 00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:02,143
- Did you take his eight dollars?
- 617
- 00:35:03,318 --> 00:35:04,798
- [laughs]:
- What?
- 618
- 00:35:04,841 --> 00:35:06,104
- You heard me.
- 619
- 00:35:07,148 --> 00:35:08,889
- Why would I?
- 620
- 00:35:08,932 --> 00:35:11,674
- It disappeared, and somebody
- has to have done it.
- 621
- 00:35:11,718 --> 00:35:13,589
- Right, so it's me.
- 622
- 00:35:13,633 --> 00:35:16,026
- This is fucking ridiculous.
- 623
- 00:35:16,070 --> 00:35:19,247
- - [stammers, sighs]
- - Are you using again?
- 624
- 00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:22,076
- Am I using again? No.
- 625
- 00:35:24,078 --> 00:35:26,820
- Are you high right now?
- 626
- 00:35:26,863 --> 00:35:28,474
- What the f...? No.
- 627
- 00:35:28,517 --> 00:35:30,563
- - Fuck you.
- - "Fuck you"?
- 628
- 00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:32,086
- Don't talk to me that way.
- 629
- 00:35:32,130 --> 00:35:33,696
- Are you high right now?
- 630
- 00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:35,089
- No.
- 631
- 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:36,699
- You're not using right now?
- 632
- 00:35:36,743 --> 00:35:38,136
- Are you using?
- 633
- 00:35:38,179 --> 00:35:41,835
- No, Dad,
- I'm not fucking high right now!
- 634
- 00:35:41,878 --> 00:35:43,880
- Okay.
- 635
- 00:35:47,232 --> 00:35:50,539
- Listen, it was a gamble
- to send you to college.
- 636
- 00:35:50,583 --> 00:35:53,281
- Everybody supported it.
- 637
- 00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:55,283
- I'm glad that you went.
- 638
- 00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:58,982
- Relapse is a part of rec...
- 639
- 00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,941
- Relapse is part of recovery.
- 640
- 00:36:00,984 --> 00:36:04,901
- - So we're gonna get...
- - I better leave.
- 641
- 00:36:13,301 --> 00:36:15,782
- - David?
- - Hey.
- 642
- 00:36:15,825 --> 00:36:18,567
- Just... where-where
- are you gonna go?
- 643
- 00:36:18,611 --> 00:36:20,874
- You can't just leave.
- This is ridiculous.
- 644
- 00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:22,528
- - Come on.
- - Will you talk to us?
- 645
- 00:36:22,571 --> 00:36:24,486
- I mean, really...
- we just want to talk to you.
- 646
- 00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:26,923
- Why don't...
- Try to help us understand.
- 647
- 00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:28,621
- - Or just let us help you.
- - All right?
- 648
- 00:36:28,664 --> 00:36:30,144
- I don't want your fucking help.
- Don't you understand that?
- 649
- 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,537
- - No. -No, you don't.
- Jesus Christ, then what
- 650
- 00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:32,886
- the fuck is wrong
- with you, then, huh?
- 651
- 00:36:32,929 --> 00:36:34,322
- - What the hell is wrong
- with you people? -Nic.
- 652
- 00:36:34,366 --> 00:36:35,845
- - No! You fucking suffocate me.
- - Hey.
- 653
- 00:36:35,889 --> 00:36:37,456
- - Oh...
- - You fucking suffocate me!
- 654
- 00:36:37,499 --> 00:36:39,936
- Whoa, it's us?
- We're the problem?
- 655
- 00:36:39,980 --> 00:36:42,200
- No. You know what,
- you're the one who's doing it!
- 656
- 00:36:42,243 --> 00:36:43,940
- You're the one
- who's causing it!
- 657
- 00:36:43,984 --> 00:36:46,204
- And you're the only one
- who can stop it!
- 658
- 00:36:46,247 --> 00:36:48,206
- Fucking solve it!
- 659
- 00:37:09,662 --> 00:37:11,664
- [grunts]
- 660
- 00:37:16,495 --> 00:37:17,539
- Fuck!
- 661
- 00:37:18,584 --> 00:37:20,107
- Fuck!
- 662
- 00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:23,110
- [sniffs]
- 663
- 00:37:42,695 --> 00:37:44,697
- ♪
- 664
- 00:37:54,663 --> 00:37:56,665
- [David sighs]
- 665
- 00:38:01,888 --> 00:38:03,716
- [turns page]
- 666
- 00:38:16,946 --> 00:38:18,948
- ♪
- 667
- 00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:40,535
- ♪
- 668
- 00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,689
- ♪
- 669
- 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:15,614
- DR. BROWN:
- So, this is for the, uh,
- 670
- 00:39:15,657 --> 00:39:17,355
- New York Times Magazine?
- 671
- 00:39:17,398 --> 00:39:19,139
- Oh, no.
- 672
- 00:39:19,182 --> 00:39:20,488
- I'm a... I-I write.
- 673
- 00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,055
- I freelance
- for different magazines,
- 674
- 00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:25,145
- but this is...
- this is a personal matter.
- 675
- 00:39:25,188 --> 00:39:27,408
- - A personal matter?
- - Yes. I'm sorry.
- 676
- 00:39:27,452 --> 00:39:29,671
- - Is that okay?
- - Uh, no, it's absolutely okay.
- 677
- 00:39:29,715 --> 00:39:31,586
- May I ask what-what
- this is regarding?
- 678
- 00:39:31,630 --> 00:39:34,067
- Uh, it's about my son.
- 679
- 00:39:34,110 --> 00:39:36,112
- Okay.
- 680
- 00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:42,336
- DAVID: He's been doing
- all sorts of drugs,
- 681
- 00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:44,251
- but he's addicted
- to crystal meth,
- 682
- 00:39:44,294 --> 00:39:48,081
- which seems, uh, to be
- the worst of all of them.
- 683
- 00:39:48,124 --> 00:39:50,388
- And I guess I'm here
- 684
- 00:39:50,431 --> 00:39:54,130
- because I just want to know
- all that I can
- 685
- 00:39:54,174 --> 00:39:57,133
- about all of it.
- 686
- 00:39:57,177 --> 00:39:59,701
- So, uh, crystal meth, uh,
- 687
- 00:39:59,745 --> 00:40:01,616
- gives the user a feeling
- of instant euphoria...
- 688
- 00:40:01,660 --> 00:40:04,227
- at least, when he takes it.
- 689
- 00:40:04,271 --> 00:40:05,446
- You know,
- but when it wears off,
- 690
- 00:40:05,490 --> 00:40:07,274
- with a depletion
- of as much as 60%
- 691
- 00:40:07,317 --> 00:40:10,233
- of the dopamine,
- the user has to up the doses.
- 692
- 00:40:10,277 --> 00:40:14,281
- He has to double it, triple it
- just to feel something,
- 693
- 00:40:14,324 --> 00:40:16,457
- causing even more nerve damage,
- 694
- 00:40:16,501 --> 00:40:20,374
- which, uh, increases
- the compulsion to use.
- 695
- 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:21,941
- Horrible cycle.
- 696
- 00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,943
- [typing]
- 697
- 00:40:23,986 --> 00:40:26,162
- - What's up?
- - Hey.
- 698
- 00:40:26,206 --> 00:40:28,904
- Just doing some research.
- 699
- 00:40:46,356 --> 00:40:48,358
- ♪
- 700
- 00:40:56,192 --> 00:40:58,151
- Hi.
- 701
- 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,289
- Are you hungry?
- 702
- 00:41:06,333 --> 00:41:09,467
- You want to get something?
- 703
- 00:41:09,510 --> 00:41:12,121
- Most guys just ask me
- for a blow job. [chuckles]
- 704
- 00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:15,734
- Oh, no. No, I'm just
- offering something to eat.
- 705
- 00:41:15,777 --> 00:41:18,171
- Maybe talk a little,
- if you're up to it.
- 706
- 00:41:18,214 --> 00:41:21,566
- DR. BROWN: Meth changes
- the brain physically.
- 707
- 00:41:21,609 --> 00:41:24,046
- Here we see the loss
- of dopamine receptors
- 708
- 00:41:24,090 --> 00:41:26,048
- in a meth user's brain.
- 709
- 00:41:26,092 --> 00:41:29,661
- Now, I'm gonna show you
- something else here.
- 710
- 00:41:29,704 --> 00:41:32,402
- Do you see, uh, right here
- there are these two red, uh...
- 711
- 00:41:32,446 --> 00:41:34,013
- - large, red spots right here?
- - Yeah.
- 712
- 00:41:34,056 --> 00:41:36,798
- Okay, what that shows is
- hyperactivity in the amygdala.
- 713
- 00:41:36,842 --> 00:41:38,757
- And the amygdala is a region
- of the brain
- 714
- 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:41,281
- that is linked
- with anxiety and fear.
- 715
- 00:41:41,324 --> 00:41:43,457
- Here the amygdala is screaming.
- 716
- 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,245
- What this shows us
- 717
- 00:41:49,289 --> 00:41:51,683
- is that there is
- a biological basis,
- 718
- 00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:55,425
- uh, that meth users
- may be unable...
- 719
- 00:41:55,469 --> 00:41:57,558
- not unwilling, but unable...
- 720
- 00:41:57,602 --> 00:42:00,561
- to participate
- in normal treatment programs.
- 721
- 00:42:00,605 --> 00:42:02,084
- GIRL:
- I was in rehab, too.
- 722
- 00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:04,739
- Three times.
- 723
- 00:42:04,783 --> 00:42:07,220
- Ran away every time. [chuckles]
- 724
- 00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:09,701
- Why?
- 725
- 00:42:09,744 --> 00:42:11,920
- It was hell.
- 726
- 00:42:11,964 --> 00:42:14,357
- Wanted to die.
- 727
- 00:42:14,401 --> 00:42:16,359
- Why was it hell?
- 728
- 00:42:16,403 --> 00:42:19,232
- All that God shit.
- 729
- 00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:21,234
- Also, you just don't know
- how good it gets
- 730
- 00:42:21,277 --> 00:42:23,236
- when it gets good.
- 731
- 00:42:23,279 --> 00:42:25,368
- It's hard to explain.
- 732
- 00:42:25,412 --> 00:42:27,283
- Feels like cocaine
- 733
- 00:42:27,327 --> 00:42:28,894
- but multiplied
- by, like, a thousand.
- 734
- 00:42:28,937 --> 00:42:30,591
- Or, like, a million.
- 735
- 00:42:30,635 --> 00:42:33,246
- DAVID:
- What does this mean for Nic?
- 736
- 00:42:33,289 --> 00:42:35,248
- Look, Mr. Sheff, I...
- 737
- 00:42:35,291 --> 00:42:38,207
- I don't know
- who promised you what,
- 738
- 00:42:38,251 --> 00:42:42,255
- but the success percentage
- is in the single digits.
- 739
- 00:42:42,298 --> 00:42:44,170
- [exhales, chuckles]
- 740
- 00:42:44,213 --> 00:42:45,563
- Okay.
- 741
- 00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:50,437
- What about your parents?
- 742
- 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,613
- What about them?
- 743
- 00:42:52,657 --> 00:42:55,485
- Don't you think
- they're worried about you?
- 744
- 00:42:55,529 --> 00:42:58,010
- Shouldn't you...
- 745
- 00:42:58,053 --> 00:43:00,316
- let them know that...
- 746
- 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,623
- They don't care.
- 747
- 00:43:02,667 --> 00:43:06,018
- Well, I think they do.
- 748
- 00:43:07,062 --> 00:43:10,065
- What the fuck do you know?
- 749
- 00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:18,813
- I gotta go.
- 750
- 00:43:18,857 --> 00:43:22,034
- Oh. Okay.
- 751
- 00:43:25,385 --> 00:43:27,953
- Thanks.
- 752
- 00:43:33,001 --> 00:43:35,003
- [indistinct chatter]
- 753
- 00:43:45,579 --> 00:43:48,364
- - Hey!
- - Hey! Hey, now!
- 754
- 00:43:48,408 --> 00:43:50,889
- [indistinct chatter continues]
- 755
- 00:43:57,069 --> 00:43:59,158
- [indistinct chatter]
- 756
- 00:44:09,298 --> 00:44:11,649
- [crickets chirping]
- 757
- 00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:31,233
- [sighs]
- 758
- 00:44:38,066 --> 00:44:41,374
- [sniffs]
- 759
- 00:44:41,417 --> 00:44:43,811
- [grunting]
- 760
- 00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:46,988
- God.
- 761
- 00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,704
- [jazz playing]
- 762
- 00:45:19,020 --> 00:45:20,413
- [computer chimes]
- 763
- 00:45:20,456 --> 00:45:22,110
- [sighs]
- 764
- 00:45:23,111 --> 00:45:25,113
- [computer chimes]
- 765
- 00:45:29,770 --> 00:45:31,946
- ♪
- 766
- 00:45:53,185 --> 00:45:56,144
- [takes deep breath]
- 767
- 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,202
- [indistinct chatter]
- 768
- 00:46:15,860 --> 00:46:17,775
- DAVID: I'm gonna try
- some Klingon on you.
- 769
- 00:46:17,818 --> 00:46:18,906
- Ready?
- 770
- 00:46:20,168 --> 00:46:23,519
- [speaking mock Klingon]
- 771
- 00:46:27,523 --> 00:46:29,699
- - You know what I said?
- - May I have a Coca-Cola?
- 772
- 00:46:29,743 --> 00:46:31,136
- - Exactly.
- - [both laugh]
- 773
- 00:46:31,179 --> 00:46:32,964
- DAVID [chuckling]:
- That's it.
- 774
- 00:46:33,007 --> 00:46:34,966
- That's exactly what I asked.
- 775
- 00:46:35,009 --> 00:46:36,445
- Can I have a Coca-Cola?
- 776
- 00:46:36,489 --> 00:46:38,360
- All right.
- If you ask me in Klingon,
- 777
- 00:46:38,404 --> 00:46:40,406
- maybe I'll get you a Coke.
- 778
- 00:46:41,494 --> 00:46:43,496
- [speaking mock Klingon]
- 779
- 00:46:57,989 --> 00:47:00,121
- Hey.
- 780
- 00:47:12,655 --> 00:47:14,614
- Oh, wow.
- 781
- 00:47:16,050 --> 00:47:18,270
- [chuckles]
- This hasn't changed at all.
- 782
- 00:47:18,313 --> 00:47:21,403
- [laughs] This place.
- 783
- 00:47:22,535 --> 00:47:24,232
- - Hey.
- - So, how you doing?
- 784
- 00:47:24,276 --> 00:47:25,668
- I'm doing great.
- 785
- 00:47:25,712 --> 00:47:27,888
- You know, just, um...
- 786
- 00:47:27,932 --> 00:47:29,716
- um...
- 787
- 00:47:29,759 --> 00:47:31,718
- just doing
- what needs to be done.
- 788
- 00:47:32,762 --> 00:47:34,590
- What does that mean?
- 789
- 00:47:34,634 --> 00:47:38,377
- Just being responsible
- for myself and...
- 790
- 00:47:38,420 --> 00:47:40,640
- I've quit on my own,
- you know, so...
- 791
- 00:47:40,683 --> 00:47:42,816
- I got five days now.
- 792
- 00:47:44,426 --> 00:47:46,689
- I feel like I'm doing well,
- but I just need, um...
- 793
- 00:47:46,733 --> 00:47:49,867
- I just need
- a few hundred bucks, though.
- 794
- 00:47:49,910 --> 00:47:51,607
- Nic, I can't give you
- any money.
- 795
- 00:47:53,609 --> 00:47:55,568
- Yeah.
- 796
- 00:47:55,611 --> 00:47:57,831
- Okay.
- 797
- 00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,572
- It's just 200 bucks.
- I just need, um...
- 798
- 00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:01,139
- I just need to get
- some shit together.
- 799
- 00:48:01,182 --> 00:48:02,444
- I want to go to New York.
- 800
- 00:48:02,488 --> 00:48:04,751
- - New York?
- - Yeah.
- 801
- 00:48:04,794 --> 00:48:06,622
- I need to get out
- of San Francisco.
- 802
- 00:48:06,666 --> 00:48:08,320
- There's too many...
- 803
- 00:48:08,363 --> 00:48:10,235
- [laughing]: All these
- fucking bad vibes here
- 804
- 00:48:10,278 --> 00:48:13,194
- all the time.
- 805
- 00:48:13,238 --> 00:48:15,109
- Yeah, I just need
- a few hundred bucks.
- 806
- 00:48:15,153 --> 00:48:17,503
- Why don't we just have lunch
- and talk?
- 807
- 00:48:17,546 --> 00:48:20,071
- - We can do that, right?
- - Mm.
- 808
- 00:48:20,114 --> 00:48:21,681
- Hmm.
- 809
- 00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:28,775
- How... how's Karen
- and, uh... and the kids?
- 810
- 00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:32,213
- Okay. They ask about you.
- 811
- 00:48:32,257 --> 00:48:35,129
- It's their step-up next week,
- and I know they'd love you...
- 812
- 00:48:35,173 --> 00:48:37,044
- Dad, you're, uh... you're
- guilt-tripping me, all right?
- 813
- 00:48:37,088 --> 00:48:38,567
- No, I'm just saying...
- 814
- 00:48:38,611 --> 00:48:40,874
- I should feel horrible
- about myself.
- 815
- 00:48:42,397 --> 00:48:47,011
- I know they wanted you
- to be there, that's all.
- 816
- 00:48:47,054 --> 00:48:48,708
- I'm sorry, Dad.
- 817
- 00:48:48,751 --> 00:48:52,233
- Um... I just need
- some fucking money, all right?
- 818
- 00:48:52,277 --> 00:48:53,713
- So please just give me
- some fucking money.
- 819
- 00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:55,019
- And then what?
- Where does this end?
- 820
- 00:48:55,062 --> 00:48:56,585
- This is... I got
- to see this one through.
- 821
- 00:48:56,629 --> 00:48:58,196
- This is kind of working out
- for me right now.
- 822
- 00:48:58,239 --> 00:48:59,501
- - I got five days sober.
- - It doesn't look
- 823
- 00:48:59,545 --> 00:49:00,763
- like it's working out, Nic.
- 824
- 00:49:00,807 --> 00:49:01,939
- Oh, it doesn't look
- like it's working out?
- 825
- 00:49:01,982 --> 00:49:02,852
- - So what, then,
- therapy? Huh? -No.
- 826
- 00:49:02,896 --> 00:49:04,289
- - You can come home.
- - No.
- 827
- 00:49:04,332 --> 00:49:05,768
- - That wouldn't...
- - We'll make it work. Please.
- 828
- 00:49:05,812 --> 00:49:07,292
- Nic.
- 829
- 00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,338
- Please.
- 830
- 00:49:17,128 --> 00:49:19,695
- - I've been doing some research.
- - Been doing fucking research?
- 831
- 00:49:19,739 --> 00:49:21,741
- - You got to be kidding me, Dad.
- - No...
- 832
- 00:49:21,784 --> 00:49:23,743
- You think that you have this
- under control.
- 833
- 00:49:23,786 --> 00:49:26,876
- - Mm-hmm. -And I understand
- how scared you are.
- 834
- 00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:28,878
- I understand why I do things...
- it doesn't make me
- 835
- 00:49:28,922 --> 00:49:31,403
- any different, all right?
- I'm attracted to craziness.
- 836
- 00:49:31,446 --> 00:49:33,405
- And you're just embarrassed,
- 'cause I was, like, you know...
- 837
- 00:49:33,448 --> 00:49:34,667
- I was, like,
- this amazing thing,
- 838
- 00:49:34,710 --> 00:49:36,625
- like, your special creation
- or something,
- 839
- 00:49:36,669 --> 00:49:39,019
- - and you don't like who I am now.
- - Yeah?
- 840
- 00:49:39,063 --> 00:49:40,760
- - Who are you, Nic?
- - This is me, Dad.
- 841
- 00:49:40,803 --> 00:49:42,805
- Here. This is who I am.
- 842
- 00:49:50,074 --> 00:49:52,163
- You don't like what you see?
- 843
- 00:49:58,604 --> 00:50:02,869
- You know,
- the more I think about it...
- 844
- 00:50:02,912 --> 00:50:05,132
- Mom should've gotten custody.
- 845
- 00:50:05,176 --> 00:50:07,700
- Because you always
- gotta be fucking
- 846
- 00:50:07,743 --> 00:50:09,571
- controlling everything
- all the time.
- 847
- 00:50:09,615 --> 00:50:12,139
- You're allowed to be mad
- at me, Nic. I made mistakes.
- 848
- 00:50:12,183 --> 00:50:15,055
- I understand that. I wish
- that I hadn't, but I did.
- 849
- 00:50:15,099 --> 00:50:17,884
- But, God,
- what you're saying right now
- 850
- 00:50:17,927 --> 00:50:20,930
- - doesn't make any sense.
- - You're doing this right now!
- 851
- 00:50:20,974 --> 00:50:22,671
- - You're fucking controlling me right now!
- - It's not you.
- 852
- 00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,543
- It is not you, Nic.
- It is the drugs talking.
- 853
- 00:50:24,586 --> 00:50:25,718
- What does that
- even fucking mean, huh?
- 854
- 00:50:25,761 --> 00:50:27,154
- Psychological terror.
- 855
- 00:50:27,198 --> 00:50:28,721
- - It's what addicts do.
- - What the fuck
- 856
- 00:50:28,764 --> 00:50:30,027
- are you doing right now, huh?
- 857
- 00:50:30,070 --> 00:50:32,942
- What is this?
- What are you doing, huh?
- 858
- 00:50:40,994 --> 00:50:42,996
- [sighs]:
- Oh, man.
- 859
- 00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:49,046
- I didn't want it to go
- like this. [smacks lips]
- 860
- 00:50:50,917 --> 00:50:52,745
- [chuckles]
- 861
- 00:50:52,788 --> 00:50:54,355
- All right.
- 862
- 00:50:54,399 --> 00:50:56,053
- I should go, Dad.
- 863
- 00:50:56,096 --> 00:50:58,142
- [Nic sighs heavily]
- 864
- 00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:03,451
- - Let me... let me book you a room.
- - No, Dad.
- 865
- 00:51:03,495 --> 00:51:06,193
- - At a hotel for a couple of nights.
- - No. Dad...
- 866
- 00:51:06,237 --> 00:51:09,457
- - Why don't we just go get some food?
- - Dad, I should go.
- 867
- 00:51:11,024 --> 00:51:12,286
- Can you say good-bye, at least?
- 868
- 00:51:12,330 --> 00:51:13,853
- Bye, Dad.
- 869
- 00:51:16,769 --> 00:51:18,379
- [door opens]
- 870
- 00:51:21,078 --> 00:51:22,296
- [door closes]
- 871
- 00:51:25,604 --> 00:51:27,562
- JASPER:
- Where does he sleep?
- 872
- 00:51:27,606 --> 00:51:30,130
- DAVID: Um, don't worry
- about that, sweetie.
- 873
- 00:51:30,174 --> 00:51:31,305
- He's fine.
- 874
- 00:51:36,354 --> 00:51:38,747
- Um...
- 875
- 00:51:38,791 --> 00:51:41,576
- maybe he has a friend
- and he sleeps there.
- 876
- 00:51:41,620 --> 00:51:45,319
- - DAVID: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe.
- - DAISY: Dolphin.
- 877
- 00:51:45,363 --> 00:51:47,104
- - DAVID: Hope so.
- - DAISY: Need "E."
- 878
- 00:51:47,147 --> 00:51:48,496
- Elephant.
- 879
- 00:51:48,540 --> 00:51:50,672
- - Can I call him?
- - Hmm.
- 880
- 00:51:50,716 --> 00:51:52,457
- - No. I tried.
- - [Daisy speaks indistinctly]
- 881
- 00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:55,547
- - His phone's disconnected.
- - Can I send him a message?
- 882
- 00:51:55,590 --> 00:51:59,899
- Maybe he'll get lonely
- and turn his phone back on?
- 883
- 00:51:59,942 --> 00:52:02,336
- That's a good idea.
- 884
- 00:52:02,380 --> 00:52:04,338
- Yeah. Let's try that.
- 885
- 00:52:04,382 --> 00:52:07,124
- [Daisy speaks indistinctly]
- 886
- 00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:09,561
- [crickets chirping softly]
- 887
- 00:52:27,883 --> 00:52:30,277
- - ♪
- - [typing]
- 888
- 00:52:49,122 --> 00:52:51,516
- [vehicle passing by]
- 889
- 00:52:58,479 --> 00:53:00,177
- KAREN [calls]:
- Dave.
- 890
- 00:53:00,220 --> 00:53:02,527
- - Yeah?
- - [quietly]: Okay. Let's go.
- 891
- 00:53:03,528 --> 00:53:06,226
- [footsteps approaching]
- 892
- 00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:08,228
- Hey, Dave, close your eyes.
- 893
- 00:53:08,272 --> 00:53:09,795
- Okay.
- 894
- 00:53:13,277 --> 00:53:15,235
- And... open 'em!
- 895
- 00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:18,282
- [whispers]:
- Oh. Wow.
- 896
- 00:53:18,325 --> 00:53:19,718
- Wow!
- 897
- 00:53:19,761 --> 00:53:22,373
- [faint, distorted voices
- of children singing]
- 898
- 00:53:24,201 --> 00:53:27,204
- - [waves lapping gently]
- - [faint singing continues]
- 899
- 00:53:40,347 --> 00:53:43,785
- [voices fade]
- 900
- 00:53:46,745 --> 00:53:49,748
- [waves continue lapping]
- 901
- 00:53:56,363 --> 00:53:58,800
- [phone ringing]
- 902
- 00:54:08,723 --> 00:54:11,160
- [phone continues ringing]
- 903
- 00:54:17,950 --> 00:54:19,647
- Hello?
- 904
- 00:54:19,691 --> 00:54:22,476
- This is Julie Ford at the
- Bellevue Hospital in New York.
- 905
- 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,348
- Is Nic Sheff your son?
- 906
- 00:54:27,916 --> 00:54:29,440
- MAN:
- Uh, Mr. Sheff,
- 907
- 00:54:29,483 --> 00:54:31,920
- I'm sorry
- we missed each other earlier.
- 908
- 00:54:31,964 --> 00:54:35,097
- So, Nic is still experiencing
- some respiratory depression,
- 909
- 00:54:35,141 --> 00:54:37,012
- but his vital signs
- are returning.
- 910
- 00:54:37,056 --> 00:54:39,406
- Sir, we're ready for departure.
- 911
- 00:54:39,450 --> 00:54:40,929
- Okay, okay.
- 912
- 00:54:40,973 --> 00:54:43,584
- Um... may I talk to him?
- 913
- 00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:46,021
- - No, that won't be possible.
- - Sir, I need you to turn off
- 914
- 00:54:46,065 --> 00:54:47,675
- - the phone. -Believe me,
- we shouldn't wake him up.
- 915
- 00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:49,590
- - Mm-hmm. -Try again
- in a few hours, though, okay?
- 916
- 00:54:49,634 --> 00:54:52,593
- - Okay. Uh, would you let him
- know that... -Sir. Sir.
- 917
- 00:54:52,637 --> 00:54:56,031
- - Please. -Would you please let
- him know that I'm on my way?
- 918
- 00:54:56,075 --> 00:54:57,468
- [ding]
- 919
- 00:54:58,425 --> 00:54:59,644
- [beep]
- 920
- 00:54:59,687 --> 00:55:01,472
- [indistinct announcement
- over P.A.]
- 921
- 00:55:01,515 --> 00:55:04,388
- ♪
- 922
- 00:55:04,431 --> 00:55:05,606
- WOMAN:
- He checked out.
- 923
- 00:55:05,650 --> 00:55:06,868
- DAVID:
- What?
- 924
- 00:55:06,912 --> 00:55:08,348
- Against doctor's orders.
- 925
- 00:55:08,392 --> 00:55:10,437
- - No, no, he O.D.'d.
- - I'm sorry, sir.
- 926
- 00:55:10,481 --> 00:55:12,787
- He pulled out the I.V.
- and catheter, and left.
- 927
- 00:55:12,831 --> 00:55:14,223
- How long ago?
- 928
- 00:55:14,267 --> 00:55:16,704
- Ten to 15 minutes.
- 929
- 00:55:16,748 --> 00:55:19,141
- I'm sorry, sir.
- 930
- 00:55:19,185 --> 00:55:21,535
- ♪
- 931
- 00:55:25,278 --> 00:55:27,628
- ["Darling"
- by the Chips playing]
- 932
- 00:55:30,370 --> 00:55:33,025
- ♪ Darling,
- I need your love... ♪
- 933
- 00:55:36,811 --> 00:55:38,030
- [sighs]
- 934
- 00:55:38,073 --> 00:55:40,467
- [phone ringing]
- 935
- 00:55:42,817 --> 00:55:44,776
- - [beep]
- - Yes.
- 936
- 00:55:44,819 --> 00:55:46,995
- [Nic crying]
- 937
- 00:55:47,039 --> 00:55:49,215
- - [bell jingling]
- - ♪ Your love
- 938
- 00:55:49,258 --> 00:55:52,479
- ♪ Darling, I need your love
- 939
- 00:55:52,523 --> 00:55:54,655
- ♪ Darling
- 940
- 00:55:54,699 --> 00:55:58,659
- ♪ I love you so
- 941
- 00:55:58,703 --> 00:56:02,663
- ♪ And I want the whole world
- to know ♪
- 942
- 00:56:02,707 --> 00:56:05,405
- ♪ I'll never let you go...
- 943
- 00:56:05,449 --> 00:56:07,494
- NIC:
- Look, I've thought about it,
- 944
- 00:56:07,538 --> 00:56:09,409
- and I'm done with drugs.
- 945
- 00:56:09,453 --> 00:56:11,542
- This is it.
- 946
- 00:56:13,935 --> 00:56:16,329
- I'm telling you, Dad.
- 947
- 00:56:16,373 --> 00:56:18,331
- I'm done.
- 948
- 00:56:18,375 --> 00:56:22,379
- ♪ You're all I ever dream of
- 949
- 00:56:23,945 --> 00:56:27,384
- ♪ Never leave me...
- 950
- 00:56:28,515 --> 00:56:30,909
- And how would that work?
- 951
- 00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:34,434
- I mean,
- after what just happened.
- 952
- 00:56:34,478 --> 00:56:38,307
- - ♪ Oh...
- - ♪ Stay with me
- 953
- 00:56:38,351 --> 00:56:42,311
- ♪ Oh, stay with me,
- oh, darling ♪
- 954
- 00:56:42,355 --> 00:56:45,706
- - ♪ Darling, I need your kiss
- - [crying]
- 955
- 00:56:45,750 --> 00:56:48,230
- ♪ Your love I can't resist...
- 956
- 00:56:49,667 --> 00:56:51,799
- REPORTER:
- Now, if you're in the area,
- 957
- 00:56:51,843 --> 00:56:53,410
- evacuation orders and details,
- 958
- 00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:55,716
- including relocation centers,
- can be found on...
- 959
- 00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,110
- DAVID: So, at 3:00,
- we have a conference call
- 960
- 00:56:58,153 --> 00:56:59,720
- with the intake people
- in Mississippi.
- 961
- 00:56:59,764 --> 00:57:01,069
- REPORTER:
- That's all for now.
- 962
- 00:57:01,113 --> 00:57:02,723
- DAVID:
- 3:30, the one in New Mexico.
- 963
- 00:57:02,767 --> 00:57:04,725
- And 4:00, the one in Oregon.
- 964
- 00:57:04,769 --> 00:57:07,467
- VICKI: I did some research
- on the one in New Mexico.
- 965
- 00:57:07,511 --> 00:57:10,818
- - DAVID: Mm-hmm.
- - They charge $40,000 a month.
- 966
- 00:57:10,862 --> 00:57:12,429
- You know,
- it's not even that well rated.
- 967
- 00:57:12,472 --> 00:57:14,518
- We'll just skip that one.
- 968
- 00:57:14,561 --> 00:57:17,303
- VICKI: Listen, if a spot
- opens up here in Los Angeles,
- 969
- 00:57:17,346 --> 00:57:19,523
- maybe that's the best solution
- for now.
- 970
- 00:57:19,566 --> 00:57:22,526
- - I'll hear back from them
- in an hour. -Mm.
- 971
- 00:57:23,788 --> 00:57:25,746
- Give it a rest, David.
- 972
- 00:57:25,790 --> 00:57:27,922
- Why don't you let me
- take over for now?
- 973
- 00:57:33,275 --> 00:57:34,799
- Mm.
- 974
- 00:57:34,842 --> 00:57:36,627
- YOUNG NIC:
- Dad?
- 975
- 00:57:36,670 --> 00:57:38,455
- DAVID:
- Yeah.
- 976
- 00:57:38,498 --> 00:57:42,415
- YOUNG NIC: Will you check on me
- every 15 minutes?
- 977
- 00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,809
- DAVID:
- Yes.
- 978
- 00:57:50,815 --> 00:57:54,079
- ♪ Close your eyes
- 979
- 00:57:54,122 --> 00:57:57,517
- ♪ Have no fear
- 980
- 00:57:57,561 --> 00:57:59,693
- ♪ The monster's gone
- 981
- 00:57:59,737 --> 00:58:01,652
- ♪ He's on the run
- 982
- 00:58:01,695 --> 00:58:05,307
- ♪ And your daddy's here
- 983
- 00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:08,659
- ♪ Beautiful, beautiful
- 984
- 00:58:08,702 --> 00:58:10,051
- ♪ Beautiful
- 985
- 00:58:10,095 --> 00:58:13,098
- ♪ Beautiful boy
- 986
- 00:58:16,188 --> 00:58:18,277
- ♪ Beautiful, beautiful
- 987
- 00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:19,800
- ♪ Beautiful
- 988
- 00:58:19,844 --> 00:58:22,324
- DAVID and JOHN LENNON:
- ♪ Beautiful boy
- 989
- 00:58:22,368 --> 00:58:24,675
- Do you want to bring
- one of your dinosaurs, too?
- 990
- 00:58:24,718 --> 00:58:27,721
- DAVID and LENNON:
- ♪ Before you cross the street
- 991
- 00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:29,549
- How about a book?
- 992
- 00:58:29,593 --> 00:58:31,203
- ♪ Take my hand
- 993
- 00:58:31,246 --> 00:58:33,771
- No? Okay.
- 994
- 00:58:33,814 --> 00:58:36,121
- ♪ Life is what happens to you
- 995
- 00:58:36,164 --> 00:58:37,992
- ♪ While you're busy
- 996
- 00:58:38,036 --> 00:58:41,256
- - ♪ Making other plans
- - You ready?
- 997
- 00:58:41,300 --> 00:58:42,997
- [whispers]:
- Hey. Hey.
- 998
- 00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:45,260
- JOHN LENNON:
- ♪ Darling, darling...
- 999
- 00:58:45,304 --> 00:58:47,393
- Can I have a hug?
- 1000
- 00:58:47,436 --> 00:58:48,481
- No?
- 1001
- 00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,048
- Why not?
- 1002
- 00:58:50,091 --> 00:58:52,572
- Are you mad at me?
- 1003
- 00:58:52,616 --> 00:58:54,748
- 'Cause you have to go?
- 1004
- 00:58:55,749 --> 00:58:57,403
- Okay.
- 1005
- 00:58:57,446 --> 00:59:01,276
- Well... you'll be happy
- to see Mommy, though, right?
- 1006
- 00:59:03,322 --> 00:59:05,280
- I want you to know something.
- 1007
- 00:59:05,324 --> 00:59:07,718
- When you come back,
- I'm gonna be here...
- 1008
- 00:59:07,761 --> 00:59:10,851
- right... I'm gonna be
- right here for you.
- 1009
- 00:59:10,895 --> 00:59:12,636
- Okay?
- 1010
- 00:59:12,679 --> 00:59:15,856
- And call me when you miss me,
- and I'll call you.
- 1011
- 00:59:17,118 --> 00:59:19,556
- Do you know
- how much I love you?
- 1012
- 00:59:26,519 --> 00:59:30,654
- If you could take all the words
- in the language,
- 1013
- 00:59:30,697 --> 00:59:33,831
- it still wouldn't describe
- how much I love you.
- 1014
- 00:59:33,874 --> 00:59:37,095
- And if you could gather
- all those words together,
- 1015
- 00:59:37,138 --> 00:59:39,880
- it still wouldn't describe
- what I feel for you.
- 1016
- 00:59:39,924 --> 00:59:42,883
- What I feel for you
- is everything.
- 1017
- 00:59:44,711 --> 00:59:47,584
- I love you
- more than everything.
- 1018
- 00:59:49,281 --> 00:59:51,631
- Everything?
- 1019
- 00:59:51,675 --> 00:59:53,328
- Yeah, everything.
- 1020
- 01:00:01,946 --> 01:00:05,384
- [jet engines whooshing]
- 1021
- 01:00:12,696 --> 01:00:15,046
- [indistinct chatter]
- 1022
- 01:00:25,491 --> 01:00:27,493
- Hey.
- 1023
- 01:00:27,536 --> 01:00:29,713
- That's my mom.
- 1024
- 01:00:29,756 --> 01:00:32,716
- I'm really glad
- you came to I.A.
- 1025
- 01:00:32,759 --> 01:00:34,631
- You know that, right?
- 1026
- 01:00:40,506 --> 01:00:42,682
- [crying]: You just don't know
- what it is to be...
- 1027
- 01:00:42,726 --> 01:00:44,684
- - Please don't do this, Mom.
- - Okay.
- 1028
- 01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,904
- [whispers]:
- I'm sorry. Okay.
- 1029
- 01:00:51,299 --> 01:00:53,519
- [Vicki groans]
- 1030
- 01:00:53,562 --> 01:00:56,174
- All I could think about
- was you.
- 1031
- 01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:04,530
- I know this must sound
- meaningless, but I'm sorry.
- 1032
- 01:01:08,055 --> 01:01:10,275
- [softly]:
- I'm-I'm sorry.
- 1033
- 01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:13,408
- Oh, Nicky.
- 1034
- 01:01:13,452 --> 01:01:15,541
- [Vicki sighs]
- 1035
- 01:01:15,584 --> 01:01:17,586
- [Vicki mutters quietly]
- 1036
- 01:01:19,153 --> 01:01:21,678
- You are such a darling.
- 1037
- 01:01:21,721 --> 01:01:23,680
- You know that, right?
- 1038
- 01:01:24,768 --> 01:01:26,639
- [kiss]
- 1039
- 01:01:28,032 --> 01:01:30,164
- [sighs]:
- Whew.
- 1040
- 01:01:36,083 --> 01:01:37,781
- [exhales]
- 1041
- 01:01:37,824 --> 01:01:39,826
- ♪
- 1042
- 01:01:44,222 --> 01:01:46,180
- Hey, come on, old man!
- 1043
- 01:01:46,224 --> 01:01:48,443
- - You're being so disrespectful.
- - I'm not being disrespectful.
- 1044
- 01:01:48,487 --> 01:01:50,750
- You're being so disrespectful.
- 1045
- 01:01:50,794 --> 01:01:52,752
- [both grunting]
- 1046
- 01:01:52,796 --> 01:01:54,406
- - I'm coming for you!
- - Oh, motherfucker!
- 1047
- 01:01:54,449 --> 01:01:57,365
- Uh-huh. You about
- to look at my ass, baby!
- 1048
- 01:01:57,409 --> 01:01:59,672
- - You about to look at my ass!
- - [laughing]
- 1049
- 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:02,762
- [grunting, indistinct talking]
- 1050
- 01:02:02,806 --> 01:02:06,287
- ♪
- 1051
- 01:02:08,420 --> 01:02:10,074
- [panting]:
- Fuck.
- 1052
- 01:02:19,953 --> 01:02:22,173
- [objects in box clatter]
- 1053
- 01:02:22,216 --> 01:02:23,740
- [chuckles]
- 1054
- 01:02:23,783 --> 01:02:25,350
- ♪
- 1055
- 01:02:30,964 --> 01:02:33,140
- [indistinct chatter]
- 1056
- 01:02:33,184 --> 01:02:34,663
- That's what I get for helping.
- 1057
- 01:02:34,707 --> 01:02:36,491
- - [grunting]
- - Why'd you pull that hard?
- 1058
- 01:02:36,535 --> 01:02:38,885
- - [laughing]: I'm sorry.
- - Why do you hate me?
- 1059
- 01:02:39,886 --> 01:02:41,888
- ♪
- 1060
- 01:02:54,596 --> 01:02:56,598
- How does this feel?
- 1061
- 01:03:00,864 --> 01:03:04,128
- Like I'm a real human being.
- 1062
- 01:03:05,390 --> 01:03:08,872
- [indistinct chatter, laughter]
- 1063
- 01:03:08,915 --> 01:03:12,049
- [Spencer coughs, whoops]
- 1064
- 01:03:12,092 --> 01:03:15,661
- NIC: One day,
- I tried methamphetamine...
- 1065
- 01:03:15,704 --> 01:03:18,142
- Yeah. That felt good.
- 1066
- 01:03:18,185 --> 01:03:20,666
- ...and I thought,
- 1067
- 01:03:20,709 --> 01:03:23,103
- "This is what's been missing."
- 1068
- 01:03:23,147 --> 01:03:25,802
- I felt complete.
- 1069
- 01:03:25,845 --> 01:03:27,847
- SPENCER:
- Today's a good day.
- 1070
- 01:03:27,891 --> 01:03:30,719
- NIC: Yeah, I've been
- chasing that high
- 1071
- 01:03:30,763 --> 01:03:32,721
- ever since.
- 1072
- 01:03:32,765 --> 01:03:34,723
- No matter...
- 1073
- 01:03:34,767 --> 01:03:36,725
- how much meth...
- 1074
- 01:03:36,769 --> 01:03:40,686
- or whatever else I can find
- to shoot up into my body...
- 1075
- 01:03:40,729 --> 01:03:43,167
- I do, it's never enough.
- 1076
- 01:03:43,210 --> 01:03:44,995
- [others murmuring quietly]
- 1077
- 01:03:46,474 --> 01:03:49,869
- And I went
- to a couple of rehabs,
- 1078
- 01:03:49,913 --> 01:03:51,479
- I detoxed,
- 1079
- 01:03:51,523 --> 01:03:54,265
- they would talk
- about disease, sure,
- 1080
- 01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:55,875
- but...
- 1081
- 01:03:55,919 --> 01:03:57,616
- it never clicked.
- 1082
- 01:04:00,488 --> 01:04:04,710
- Until one day
- I woke up in a hospital
- 1083
- 01:04:04,753 --> 01:04:08,018
- and someone asked me,
- 1084
- 01:04:08,061 --> 01:04:10,498
- "What's your problem?"
- 1085
- 01:04:13,327 --> 01:04:16,548
- And I said, "I'm an alcoholic
- and an addict."
- 1086
- 01:04:16,591 --> 01:04:18,376
- And he said...
- 1087
- 01:04:18,419 --> 01:04:21,596
- "No, that's how you've
- been treating your problem."
- 1088
- 01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,598
- - OTHERS: Mm-hmm.
- - That's right.
- 1089
- 01:04:23,642 --> 01:04:27,037
- I know now I need to find a way
- 1090
- 01:04:27,080 --> 01:04:30,344
- to fill this...
- 1091
- 01:04:30,388 --> 01:04:32,477
- big...
- 1092
- 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:34,783
- black hole in me.
- 1093
- 01:04:39,005 --> 01:04:40,877
- Anyway, so...
- 1094
- 01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:44,010
- - I'm 14 months clean.
- - [others murmuring quietly]
- 1095
- 01:04:44,054 --> 01:04:46,230
- I have a job at a rehab.
- 1096
- 01:04:47,753 --> 01:04:50,016
- It's fulfilling
- to help other people get sober.
- 1097
- 01:04:50,060 --> 01:04:52,497
- [others murmuring]
- 1098
- 01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:55,717
- I have a sponsor, Spencer.
- 1099
- 01:04:55,761 --> 01:04:58,590
- Shows me how great
- my life can be sober.
- 1100
- 01:05:00,026 --> 01:05:02,420
- And, um, I still have family.
- 1101
- 01:05:04,422 --> 01:05:07,207
- My mom's been amazing.
- 1102
- 01:05:07,251 --> 01:05:10,080
- My dad's been amazing, too.
- 1103
- 01:05:10,123 --> 01:05:13,387
- ["Heart of Gold"
- by Neil Young playing]
- 1104
- 01:05:13,431 --> 01:05:15,912
- [sighs, smacks lips]
- 1105
- 01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:18,262
- I want them to be proud of me.
- 1106
- 01:05:21,047 --> 01:05:23,484
- ♪
- 1107
- 01:05:39,283 --> 01:05:41,938
- ♪ I want to live
- 1108
- 01:05:42,982 --> 01:05:45,550
- ♪ I want to give
- 1109
- 01:05:45,593 --> 01:05:47,682
- ♪ I've been a miner
- 1110
- 01:05:47,726 --> 01:05:51,295
- ♪ For a heart of gold
- 1111
- 01:05:51,338 --> 01:05:54,428
- ♪ It's these expressions
- 1112
- 01:05:54,472 --> 01:05:57,518
- ♪ I never give
- that keep me searching... ♪
- 1113
- 01:05:57,562 --> 01:06:00,217
- DAVID:
- You all right?
- 1114
- 01:06:00,260 --> 01:06:02,393
- What's wrong? You nervous?
- 1115
- 01:06:02,436 --> 01:06:03,698
- Yeah.
- 1116
- 01:06:03,742 --> 01:06:05,570
- ♪ And I'm getting old
- 1117
- 01:06:08,312 --> 01:06:10,314
- ♪ Keep me searching for a...
- 1118
- 01:06:10,357 --> 01:06:12,620
- KAREN:
- Thank you for marrying me.
- 1119
- 01:06:14,013 --> 01:06:16,015
- Thank you for being
- a perfect partner
- 1120
- 01:06:16,059 --> 01:06:18,061
- in an imperfect world.
- 1121
- 01:06:19,801 --> 01:06:22,543
- Thank you for introducing me
- to your amazing son.
- 1122
- 01:06:22,587 --> 01:06:24,632
- ♪
- 1123
- 01:06:24,676 --> 01:06:26,634
- KAREN:
- Uh, I'm here for you,
- 1124
- 01:06:26,678 --> 01:06:27,984
- and I'm here to stay.
- 1125
- 01:06:28,027 --> 01:06:30,073
- DAVID:
- Karen, thank you...
- 1126
- 01:06:30,116 --> 01:06:32,118
- for loving me.
- 1127
- 01:06:33,424 --> 01:06:35,165
- And thank you for loving him.
- 1128
- 01:06:35,208 --> 01:06:36,862
- [applause]
- 1129
- 01:06:36,905 --> 01:06:38,559
- - ♪ Keep me searching
- - [whistling, cheering]
- 1130
- 01:06:38,603 --> 01:06:41,345
- ♪ For a heart of gold
- 1131
- 01:06:41,388 --> 01:06:43,347
- ♪ You keep me searching
- 1132
- 01:06:43,390 --> 01:06:45,175
- ♪ And I'm growing old
- 1133
- 01:06:45,218 --> 01:06:47,699
- Looks him square in the eye,
- and he says, "Superman..."
- 1134
- 01:06:47,742 --> 01:06:51,137
- ♪ Keep me searching
- for a heart of gold ♪
- 1135
- 01:06:51,181 --> 01:06:52,704
- - [Karen laughs]
- - DAVID: Perfect.
- 1136
- 01:06:52,747 --> 01:06:54,532
- ♪ I've been a miner
- 1137
- 01:06:54,575 --> 01:06:58,188
- - [indistinct chatter]
- - ♪ For a heart of gold
- 1138
- 01:06:59,493 --> 01:07:01,191
- ♪ Ah
- 1139
- 01:07:01,234 --> 01:07:02,714
- ♪ Mm.
- 1140
- 01:07:05,238 --> 01:07:07,675
- [dogs barking]
- 1141
- 01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:14,595
- - Hey, good to see you.
- - Good to see you.
- 1142
- 01:07:14,639 --> 01:07:17,076
- Hey, Daisy. Hey, Daisy!
- 1143
- 01:07:20,384 --> 01:07:22,125
- Hey, Jazzy Jeff.
- 1144
- 01:07:22,168 --> 01:07:24,170
- What's going on, man?
- 1145
- 01:07:24,214 --> 01:07:25,780
- Hey, man, I miss you more
- 1146
- 01:07:25,824 --> 01:07:28,827
- than the sun misses
- the moon at night.
- 1147
- 01:07:28,870 --> 01:07:30,829
- Mm. [kiss]
- 1148
- 01:07:32,352 --> 01:07:34,180
- - Hey, Karen.
- - Hey.
- 1149
- 01:07:39,490 --> 01:07:41,622
- Thank you for inviting me.
- 1150
- 01:07:41,666 --> 01:07:43,276
- Seriously.
- 1151
- 01:07:49,152 --> 01:07:51,197
- [Daisy laughing in distance]
- 1152
- 01:07:57,290 --> 01:07:58,770
- ♪ Can't steal the way
- 1153
- 01:07:58,813 --> 01:08:01,120
- ♪ I fuckin' felt
- when I got up today ♪
- 1154
- 01:08:01,164 --> 01:08:02,904
- ♪ Well, I guess
- you're the judge ♪
- 1155
- 01:08:02,948 --> 01:08:04,515
- ♪ I guess you're the king
- 1156
- 01:08:04,558 --> 01:08:07,431
- ♪ Of the forever beauty pageant
- I'm always... ♪
- 1157
- 01:08:10,912 --> 01:08:13,306
- [indistinct chatter nearby]
- 1158
- 01:08:13,350 --> 01:08:15,569
- NIC: Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
- Go, Daisy! Go, Daisy!
- 1159
- 01:08:15,613 --> 01:08:17,049
- JASPER:
- Go, Daisy!
- 1160
- 01:08:17,093 --> 01:08:18,616
- DAVID:
- Hey, honey.
- 1161
- 01:08:18,659 --> 01:08:20,096
- [Daisy laughing]
- 1162
- 01:08:22,315 --> 01:08:24,187
- NIC:
- Go, Daisy, go!
- 1163
- 01:08:24,230 --> 01:08:26,232
- [kids laughing]
- 1164
- 01:08:28,278 --> 01:08:30,149
- [David laughing]
- 1165
- 01:08:30,193 --> 01:08:32,412
- - [Daisy laughing]
- - [Jasper grunts]
- 1166
- 01:08:33,892 --> 01:08:36,242
- - DAVID: Nice.
- - [playful grunting and yelling]
- 1167
- 01:08:37,591 --> 01:08:38,897
- [Daisy squealing]
- 1168
- 01:08:38,940 --> 01:08:41,595
- Oh! Ah, you!
- 1169
- 01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:43,467
- It's Daisy!
- 1170
- 01:08:43,510 --> 01:08:46,122
- - [David laughs]
- - [Nic yelling]
- 1171
- 01:08:46,165 --> 01:08:47,732
- DAVID:
- Whoa!
- 1172
- 01:08:47,775 --> 01:08:50,387
- [laughter]
- 1173
- 01:08:50,430 --> 01:08:51,997
- [playful shouts]
- 1174
- 01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:53,868
- [David chuckling]
- 1175
- 01:08:56,001 --> 01:08:57,959
- DAVID:
- "If the marker is depleted
- 1176
- 01:08:58,003 --> 01:08:59,918
- "in meth addicts' brains,
- 1177
- 01:08:59,961 --> 01:09:02,660
- "it's likely there is
- a loss of nerve terminals
- 1178
- 01:09:02,703 --> 01:09:05,184
- "and the brain damage
- is irreversible.
- 1179
- 01:09:05,228 --> 01:09:07,665
- "However,
- when I tested for VMAT2,
- 1180
- 01:09:07,708 --> 01:09:10,711
- - I found normal levels."
- - So that's optimistic.
- 1181
- 01:09:10,755 --> 01:09:13,236
- - Normal levels is optimistic, yeah.
- - It's...
- 1182
- 01:09:13,279 --> 01:09:14,672
- - It is.
- - Okay.
- 1183
- 01:09:14,715 --> 01:09:16,239
- - No. I'm not...
- - I was just checking.
- 1184
- 01:09:16,282 --> 01:09:17,762
- - No, no, that's good.
- - Okay.
- 1185
- 01:09:17,805 --> 01:09:19,067
- Basically...
- 1186
- 01:09:19,111 --> 01:09:20,417
- the fried...
- 1187
- 01:09:20,460 --> 01:09:22,462
- Nic's fried nerve endings
- 1188
- 01:09:22,506 --> 01:09:24,943
- can grow back.
- 1189
- 01:09:24,986 --> 01:09:27,163
- They say it can take
- two years, but...
- 1190
- 01:09:27,206 --> 01:09:29,382
- - Two years?
- - Yeah.
- 1191
- 01:09:29,426 --> 01:09:31,950
- But that's great, David.
- 1192
- 01:09:33,778 --> 01:09:35,649
- [car door closes]
- 1193
- 01:09:37,521 --> 01:09:39,697
- [footsteps approaching]
- 1194
- 01:09:41,264 --> 01:09:43,962
- - Hey.
- - Hey.
- 1195
- 01:09:44,005 --> 01:09:47,095
- - You're kind of late.
- - Yeah. It was a great meeting,
- 1196
- 01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:49,272
- and after, we went
- to the speaker's house
- 1197
- 01:09:49,315 --> 01:09:51,230
- and watched a video and...
- 1198
- 01:09:51,274 --> 01:09:55,234
- saw my sober sponsee bros
- earlier, so...
- 1199
- 01:09:55,278 --> 01:09:57,280
- No phone?
- 1200
- 01:09:57,323 --> 01:09:59,325
- Oh, my cell was dead.
- 1201
- 01:10:02,198 --> 01:10:05,418
- Would you be okay
- to do a drug test?
- 1202
- 01:10:06,463 --> 01:10:08,682
- Yeah, I mean, sure.
- 1203
- 01:10:08,726 --> 01:10:10,249
- Okay.
- 1204
- 01:10:27,658 --> 01:10:30,269
- You understand why, right?
- 1205
- 01:10:30,313 --> 01:10:34,621
- Yeah. I mean, I should've
- called to let you know, so...
- 1206
- 01:10:34,665 --> 01:10:38,538
- I trust you... we just need
- to have some sort of proof.
- 1207
- 01:10:42,325 --> 01:10:44,892
- That's about as contradictory
- as it gets.
- 1208
- 01:10:44,936 --> 01:10:47,243
- - But...
- - I know. I know.
- 1209
- 01:10:49,332 --> 01:10:51,508
- I'll do it. No worries.
- 1210
- 01:10:51,551 --> 01:10:53,901
- Nothing to hide.
- 1211
- 01:10:54,946 --> 01:10:56,382
- Okay.
- 1212
- 01:10:58,689 --> 01:11:01,257
- Hey, you're doing great.
- 1213
- 01:11:02,736 --> 01:11:04,564
- You really are.
- 1214
- 01:11:04,608 --> 01:11:07,611
- By my count, 485 days clean.
- 1215
- 01:11:07,654 --> 01:11:09,743
- Wow. Come on, that's...
- 1216
- 01:11:13,660 --> 01:11:16,446
- I'll just leave it
- in the bathroom, right? Okay.
- 1217
- 01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:19,057
- All right.
- 1218
- 01:11:19,100 --> 01:11:21,059
- - Good night, Dad.
- - Good night.
- 1219
- 01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:23,191
- - I love you.
- - I love you, too.
- 1220
- 01:11:47,564 --> 01:11:49,957
- [gulls calling]
- 1221
- 01:11:54,614 --> 01:11:56,573
- - NIC: All right, Jasper, you ready?
- - Yep.
- 1222
- 01:11:56,616 --> 01:11:58,749
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- 1223
- 01:11:58,792 --> 01:12:00,968
- Hey. No, no, no, wait.
- 1224
- 01:12:01,012 --> 01:12:04,145
- - Jasper, I don't want you
- to go out there. -What?
- 1225
- 01:12:04,189 --> 01:12:05,930
- Mom, we won't go far, I swear!
- 1226
- 01:12:05,973 --> 01:12:07,758
- KAREN: The waves are too big.
- It's too dangerous.
- 1227
- 01:12:07,801 --> 01:12:08,976
- But I am a great swimmer.
- 1228
- 01:12:09,020 --> 01:12:10,282
- I've been in waves
- way bigger than this.
- 1229
- 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,197
- Yes, I know that,
- but I don't want you to...
- 1230
- 01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:13,720
- - Yeah, I'll stay close.
- - Nic will stay close,
- 1231
- 01:12:13,764 --> 01:12:16,375
- you see?
- 1232
- 01:12:16,419 --> 01:12:18,116
- NIC:
- Karen, I'm gonna stay...
- 1233
- 01:12:18,159 --> 01:12:20,031
- - I'll stay close.
- - KAREN: Nic can go in.
- 1234
- 01:12:20,074 --> 01:12:21,206
- That's fine. You, no.
- 1235
- 01:12:21,249 --> 01:12:23,121
- And that is final.
- 1236
- 01:12:23,164 --> 01:12:24,601
- JASPER:
- We'll see about that.
- 1237
- 01:12:24,644 --> 01:12:27,343
- - KAREN: Hey!
- - NIC: Okay. It's fine.
- 1238
- 01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,649
- It's fine.
- 1239
- 01:12:38,179 --> 01:12:40,138
- Should we just play a game
- instead?
- 1240
- 01:12:40,181 --> 01:12:42,401
- - Uh...
- - Yeah?
- 1241
- 01:12:44,838 --> 01:12:47,101
- NIC:
- Are you a hurfboard?
- 1242
- 01:12:47,145 --> 01:12:49,495
- - [chuckles]: No.
- - No?
- 1243
- 01:12:49,539 --> 01:12:51,497
- Are you a hicycle?
- 1244
- 01:12:51,541 --> 01:12:53,369
- - [chuckles]: No.
- - No?
- 1245
- 01:12:53,412 --> 01:12:55,675
- Okay. Uh, are you edible?
- 1246
- 01:12:55,719 --> 01:12:57,242
- Not really.
- 1247
- 01:12:57,285 --> 01:12:59,375
- - Not really?
- - Not really.
- 1248
- 01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:00,941
- So, sort of.
- 1249
- 01:13:00,985 --> 01:13:03,204
- So, um...
- 1250
- 01:13:03,248 --> 01:13:04,989
- are you a house?
- 1251
- 01:13:05,032 --> 01:13:08,122
- - Yes. How did you know?
- - [chuckling]
- 1252
- 01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:09,863
- You know,
- 1253
- 01:13:09,907 --> 01:13:12,300
- I can read your mind.
- 1254
- 01:13:12,344 --> 01:13:15,129
- - [spookily]: Ooh...
- - Ooh...
- 1255
- 01:13:15,173 --> 01:13:16,304
- [Jasper grunts]
- 1256
- 01:13:16,348 --> 01:13:18,132
- I know you're a great swimmer.
- 1257
- 01:13:18,176 --> 01:13:20,134
- I'm gonna be there to cheer
- for you at your next swim meet.
- 1258
- 01:13:20,178 --> 01:13:21,222
- How does that sound?
- 1259
- 01:13:21,266 --> 01:13:22,789
- Yeah?
- 1260
- 01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:25,226
- Okay.
- 1261
- 01:13:25,270 --> 01:13:27,620
- Hey, is it weird to see me
- after all this time?
- 1262
- 01:13:27,664 --> 01:13:28,621
- Or no?
- 1263
- 01:13:28,665 --> 01:13:30,406
- I guess it was, at first.
- 1264
- 01:13:30,449 --> 01:13:33,496
- - Okay. -I thought
- you might be different.
- 1265
- 01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:36,803
- But you're just
- the same old Nic.
- 1266
- 01:13:38,152 --> 01:13:40,154
- [Nic chuckles]
- 1267
- 01:13:41,504 --> 01:13:43,897
- ["Wiseblood"
- by Zola Jesus playing]
- 1268
- 01:13:44,898 --> 01:13:48,859
- ♪ This'll be
- 1269
- 01:13:48,902 --> 01:13:52,863
- ♪ My last home
- 1270
- 01:13:52,906 --> 01:13:55,300
- - ♪ But this stream
- - NIC: All right. Thanks.
- 1271
- 01:13:55,343 --> 01:13:59,304
- ♪ Will carry me through
- 1272
- 01:13:59,347 --> 01:14:02,481
- - That was a great weekend.
- - Mm-hmm.
- 1273
- 01:14:02,525 --> 01:14:05,266
- - ♪ But this stream
- - Bye, Nic!
- 1274
- 01:14:05,310 --> 01:14:10,010
- ♪ Isn't home no more
- 1275
- 01:14:10,054 --> 01:14:12,230
- ♪ And truth can
- 1276
- 01:14:12,273 --> 01:14:16,843
- ♪ Make immune
- 1277
- 01:14:16,887 --> 01:14:19,716
- ♪ If it doesn't make you
- wiser ♪
- 1278
- 01:14:19,759 --> 01:14:21,500
- ♪ Doesn't make you stronger
- 1279
- 01:14:21,544 --> 01:14:25,809
- ♪ Doesn't make you live
- a little bit ♪
- 1280
- 01:14:25,852 --> 01:14:30,770
- ♪ What are you doing?
- 1281
- 01:14:30,814 --> 01:14:33,469
- [cheering and applause]
- 1282
- 01:14:33,512 --> 01:14:36,123
- ♪ If it doesn't make you
- wiser ♪
- 1283
- 01:14:36,167 --> 01:14:38,604
- ♪ Doesn't make you stronger
- 1284
- 01:14:38,648 --> 01:14:42,390
- ♪ Doesn't make you live
- a little bit ♪
- 1285
- 01:14:42,434 --> 01:14:49,485
- ♪ What are you doing?
- 1286
- 01:14:49,528 --> 01:14:51,922
- [cheering, chatter]
- 1287
- 01:14:55,708 --> 01:14:58,537
- - Go, Nic!
- - [cheering]
- 1288
- 01:14:58,581 --> 01:15:00,974
- [cheering and applause]
- 1289
- 01:15:05,413 --> 01:15:06,763
- ♪
- 1290
- 01:15:06,806 --> 01:15:10,462
- ♪ In these parting days
- 1291
- 01:15:10,506 --> 01:15:15,293
- ♪ I am losing all my senses
- 1292
- 01:15:15,336 --> 01:15:18,296
- ♪ In these timeless days
- 1293
- 01:15:18,339 --> 01:15:24,520
- ♪ I can barely see through.
- 1294
- 01:15:25,956 --> 01:15:28,524
- Bye, Nic! Bye, Nic!
- 1295
- 01:15:28,567 --> 01:15:30,787
- Bye, Nic!
- 1296
- 01:15:35,574 --> 01:15:37,968
- ♪
- 1297
- 01:15:53,287 --> 01:15:55,594
- SPENCER [over phone]:
- One day at a time, man.
- 1298
- 01:15:55,638 --> 01:15:57,204
- Congratulations.
- Welcome to the real world.
- 1299
- 01:15:57,248 --> 01:15:59,076
- NIC: Oh, I don't want to live
- in the real world.
- 1300
- 01:15:59,119 --> 01:16:00,730
- I'm so sick of living in it.
- 1301
- 01:16:00,773 --> 01:16:02,253
- - [exhales] -That's your disease
- talking to you, man.
- 1302
- 01:16:02,296 --> 01:16:03,776
- - Oh, I'm trying.
- - By trying to isolate you.
- 1303
- 01:16:03,820 --> 01:16:05,386
- Trying to kill you.
- You know this, man.
- 1304
- 01:16:05,430 --> 01:16:07,258
- I don't feel like
- I have a disease, Spencer.
- 1305
- 01:16:07,301 --> 01:16:09,086
- I feel like...
- [clicks tongue]
- 1306
- 01:16:09,129 --> 01:16:12,176
- - Well, you got to. -This isn't
- like fucking cancer.
- 1307
- 01:16:12,219 --> 01:16:15,527
- This is my fucking choice.
- I put myself here.
- 1308
- 01:16:15,571 --> 01:16:17,181
- Yeah, you did.
- You did put yourself there.
- 1309
- 01:16:17,224 --> 01:16:18,922
- Are you gonna let me talk
- or what?
- 1310
- 01:16:18,965 --> 01:16:21,925
- Okay? Like, you're a writer,
- right? So write.
- 1311
- 01:16:21,968 --> 01:16:24,275
- You're good at it. This is
- your day. This is a choice.
- 1312
- 01:16:24,318 --> 01:16:26,016
- - What do you want to do now?
- - [whispers]: Fucking...
- 1313
- 01:16:26,059 --> 01:16:27,757
- Once you get high,
- you lose all your choices.
- 1314
- 01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,541
- - If you get high,
- you lose everything. -Right.
- 1315
- 01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:32,413
- All right, so you got
- to keep choosing the right way.
- 1316
- 01:16:34,981 --> 01:16:36,940
- - Right.
- - That's right.
- 1317
- 01:16:36,983 --> 01:16:38,768
- You choose the right way.
- 1318
- 01:16:38,811 --> 01:16:40,291
- Right. All right, hey, listen,
- 1319
- 01:16:40,334 --> 01:16:41,814
- I'm gonna give you
- a call later, all right?
- 1320
- 01:16:41,858 --> 01:16:43,337
- Uh, I-I feel
- like I'm gonna do all right.
- 1321
- 01:16:43,381 --> 01:16:44,643
- You blowing me off now?
- 1322
- 01:16:44,687 --> 01:16:46,297
- You gonna call me
- and waste my time?
- 1323
- 01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:48,081
- Don't waste my time.
- I'm here for you, man.
- 1324
- 01:16:48,125 --> 01:16:49,648
- You know what, look,
- I'm having some steaks tonight.
- 1325
- 01:16:49,692 --> 01:16:50,823
- Why don't you come over
- for dinner.
- 1326
- 01:16:50,867 --> 01:16:52,085
- - All right, I'll see you then.
- - You...
- 1327
- 01:16:52,129 --> 01:16:53,521
- That sounds great.
- I'll see you then.
- 1328
- 01:16:53,565 --> 01:16:55,001
- - Yo, Nic, Nic.
- - Yes, sir. I'll see you then.
- 1329
- 01:16:55,045 --> 01:16:57,134
- - Nic...
- - All right, bye-bye.
- 1330
- 01:17:13,933 --> 01:17:15,892
- [sighs]
- 1331
- 01:17:15,935 --> 01:17:18,329
- [crying]
- 1332
- 01:17:38,871 --> 01:17:41,265
- [muffled music playing]
- 1333
- 01:17:41,308 --> 01:17:43,702
- [indistinct chatter]
- 1334
- 01:17:54,147 --> 01:17:56,193
- WOMAN:
- Nic Sheff.
- 1335
- 01:17:56,236 --> 01:17:58,195
- Lauren. What?
- 1336
- 01:17:58,238 --> 01:18:00,458
- What are you...
- [chuckles]
- 1337
- 01:18:00,501 --> 01:18:02,286
- [chuckles]
- 1338
- 01:18:02,329 --> 01:18:04,027
- Wow, it's been a long time.
- 1339
- 01:18:04,070 --> 01:18:05,550
- What-what are you doing here?
- 1340
- 01:18:05,593 --> 01:18:08,118
- [chuckles] Just, uh...
- 1341
- 01:18:08,161 --> 01:18:09,946
- [chuckles]
- 1342
- 01:18:09,989 --> 01:18:12,296
- What?
- 1343
- 01:18:15,473 --> 01:18:17,040
- I've been sober for a while,
- 1344
- 01:18:17,083 --> 01:18:20,130
- but I'm seriously looking
- to party right now.
- 1345
- 01:18:20,173 --> 01:18:23,394
- [both chuckle]
- 1346
- 01:18:27,833 --> 01:18:30,009
- - [indistinct chatter]
- - [man shouts]
- 1347
- 01:18:30,053 --> 01:18:32,403
- [siren wailing in distance]
- 1348
- 01:18:41,629 --> 01:18:43,414
- [laughter]
- 1349
- 01:18:43,457 --> 01:18:46,156
- I got what you need.
- We have E, we have pills, man.
- 1350
- 01:18:46,199 --> 01:18:48,245
- We have E.
- I told you, I told you.
- 1351
- 01:18:48,288 --> 01:18:50,247
- [light switch clicks]
- 1352
- 01:18:50,290 --> 01:18:52,510
- [door shuts]
- 1353
- 01:18:56,209 --> 01:18:58,995
- NIC: Can you get me
- a cup of water and a spoon?
- 1354
- 01:18:59,038 --> 01:19:00,431
- Mm-hmm.
- 1355
- 01:19:00,474 --> 01:19:02,825
- All right.
- 1356
- 01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,658
- ♪
- 1357
- 01:19:16,229 --> 01:19:18,928
- [footsteps approaching]
- 1358
- 01:19:18,971 --> 01:19:21,365
- - Mm-hmm.
- - All right.
- 1359
- 01:19:21,408 --> 01:19:24,020
- - Here you go.
- - Thank you.
- 1360
- 01:19:25,021 --> 01:19:27,240
- Cotton and a spoon.
- 1361
- 01:19:39,339 --> 01:19:42,299
- [chuckling softly]
- 1362
- 01:19:46,259 --> 01:19:47,652
- [clears throat]
- 1363
- 01:19:47,695 --> 01:19:49,959
- [coughs]
- 1364
- 01:19:50,002 --> 01:19:52,831
- Mmm.
- 1365
- 01:19:52,875 --> 01:19:55,268
- [laughing]
- 1366
- 01:20:03,537 --> 01:20:05,757
- - NIC: All right, that's it.
- - [exhales]
- 1367
- 01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:07,759
- That's it.
- 1368
- 01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:10,414
- [groans]
- 1369
- 01:20:10,457 --> 01:20:12,068
- [coughs, gasps]
- 1370
- 01:20:12,111 --> 01:20:14,244
- [exhales]
- 1371
- 01:20:14,287 --> 01:20:15,680
- [chuckles]
- 1372
- 01:20:15,723 --> 01:20:17,421
- [inhales deeply]
- 1373
- 01:20:17,464 --> 01:20:19,423
- [exhales] Wow.
- 1374
- 01:20:19,466 --> 01:20:21,425
- [sniffs]
- 1375
- 01:20:21,468 --> 01:20:24,471
- [sighs]
- 1376
- 01:20:44,361 --> 01:20:46,798
- [panting]
- 1377
- 01:21:02,161 --> 01:21:04,555
- [panting]
- 1378
- 01:21:12,128 --> 01:21:14,521
- [panting]
- 1379
- 01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:19,962
- [grunts]
- 1380
- 01:21:22,355 --> 01:21:24,792
- [panting]
- 1381
- 01:21:37,196 --> 01:21:40,417
- [panting]
- 1382
- 01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:42,245
- - [panting]
- - [groans]
- 1383
- 01:21:42,288 --> 01:21:44,682
- [panting]
- 1384
- 01:21:49,817 --> 01:21:53,386
- - [panting]
- - [groans, panting]
- 1385
- 01:21:53,430 --> 01:21:55,867
- [panting]
- 1386
- 01:21:58,435 --> 01:22:00,872
- [moaning, panting deeply]
- 1387
- 01:22:09,402 --> 01:22:11,361
- [birds chirping]
- 1388
- 01:22:11,404 --> 01:22:13,841
- [children laughing
- and shouting in distance]
- 1389
- 01:22:32,425 --> 01:22:34,906
- [inhales]
- 1390
- 01:22:38,692 --> 01:22:40,825
- FEMALE VOICE:
- Your call has been forwarded
- 1391
- 01:22:40,868 --> 01:22:42,827
- to an automated
- voice messaging system.
- 1392
- 01:22:42,870 --> 01:22:44,698
- At the tone,
- please record your message.
- 1393
- 01:22:44,742 --> 01:22:46,004
- [beep]
- 1394
- 01:22:46,048 --> 01:22:47,658
- DAVID:
- It's Dad again.
- 1395
- 01:22:47,701 --> 01:22:49,703
- I feel like you might
- have been a little down
- 1396
- 01:22:49,747 --> 01:22:52,619
- when you left, Nic, so I'm here
- to talk if you need to.
- 1397
- 01:22:52,663 --> 01:22:55,318
- - [sniffles]
- - All right.
- 1398
- 01:22:59,061 --> 01:23:01,454
- [sighs]
- 1399
- 01:23:07,460 --> 01:23:09,941
- So you have no idea
- where he is?
- 1400
- 01:23:09,985 --> 01:23:12,509
- VICKI: Uh, Spencer told me
- he heard from him.
- 1401
- 01:23:12,552 --> 01:23:15,512
- He was having a difficult time,
- but he was pulling through.
- 1402
- 01:23:15,555 --> 01:23:19,255
- But, yeah, he's not at work,
- he's not at home.
- 1403
- 01:23:19,298 --> 01:23:21,648
- - He's unreachable on his cell.
- - Damn it. Damn it. Vicki,
- 1404
- 01:23:21,692 --> 01:23:24,651
- he left here two days ago.
- Why didn't you check on him?
- 1405
- 01:23:24,695 --> 01:23:27,045
- You're supposed to be taking
- care of this kid, right?
- 1406
- 01:23:27,089 --> 01:23:28,655
- What the fuck, David?
- 1407
- 01:23:28,699 --> 01:23:30,962
- Who's been taking care of him
- the last year?
- 1408
- 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:32,572
- Well, you could've checked
- on him.
- 1409
- 01:23:32,616 --> 01:23:34,313
- I mean, what the fuck
- is your problem?
- 1410
- 01:23:34,357 --> 01:23:36,881
- What do you think I do all day?
- 1411
- 01:23:36,924 --> 01:23:40,276
- Besides, we can't run
- surveillance on him 24/7.
- 1412
- 01:23:40,319 --> 01:23:43,279
- I think you need to go
- to the police right now
- 1413
- 01:23:43,322 --> 01:23:45,281
- and file a missing persons
- report, okay?
- 1414
- 01:23:45,324 --> 01:23:47,239
- - Stop yelling at me!
- - No, I'm not gonna stop
- 1415
- 01:23:47,283 --> 01:23:49,546
- - yelling at you, Vicki.
- - I hate it when you do that.
- 1416
- 01:23:49,589 --> 01:23:50,982
- - Because you're just...
- - You're totally crazy.
- 1417
- 01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:52,418
- What are you even doing there?!
- 1418
- 01:23:52,462 --> 01:23:54,290
- - Fucking unfair, David!
- - No, no! Listen to me!
- 1419
- 01:23:54,333 --> 01:23:56,335
- - What are...
- - [beeping]
- 1420
- 01:23:57,336 --> 01:23:59,643
- [exhales] Damn.
- 1421
- 01:23:59,686 --> 01:24:02,167
- Fuck!
- 1422
- 01:24:08,739 --> 01:24:10,436
- Dave?
- 1423
- 01:24:10,480 --> 01:24:13,222
- Could you call my phone,
- please?
- 1424
- 01:24:16,225 --> 01:24:18,096
- What's going on?
- 1425
- 01:24:18,140 --> 01:24:20,011
- He's gone.
- 1426
- 01:24:21,360 --> 01:24:24,407
- How do we even know
- he's in I.A.?
- 1427
- 01:24:24,450 --> 01:24:27,062
- I mean, he could be in
- San Francisco. He could be...
- 1428
- 01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:29,499
- he could be in fucking Mexico,
- for all we know.
- 1429
- 01:24:29,542 --> 01:24:31,109
- I need to go.
- 1430
- 01:24:31,153 --> 01:24:33,851
- Yeah, but I need you to stay.
- 1431
- 01:24:33,894 --> 01:24:35,679
- Well, Vicki can't handle it
- like I...
- 1432
- 01:24:35,722 --> 01:24:38,029
- I don't care about Vicki.
- This isn't about Vicki.
- 1433
- 01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:41,685
- Okay, why don't you just relax
- and try to be reasonable.
- 1434
- 01:24:41,728 --> 01:24:43,948
- - What? You be reasonable.
- - I am being reasonable.
- 1435
- 01:24:43,991 --> 01:24:44,992
- Is this reasonable?!
- 1436
- 01:24:45,036 --> 01:24:47,604
- No! It's not!
- 1437
- 01:24:47,647 --> 01:24:49,040
- How can I be?!
- 1438
- 01:24:49,084 --> 01:24:50,607
- My son is out there somewhere,
- 1439
- 01:24:50,650 --> 01:24:52,261
- and I don't know
- what he's doing!
- 1440
- 01:24:52,304 --> 01:24:53,871
- I don't know how to help him!
- 1441
- 01:24:53,914 --> 01:24:56,352
- You can't!
- 1442
- 01:25:06,840 --> 01:25:08,581
- DAISY:
- I can't sleep.
- 1443
- 01:25:08,625 --> 01:25:11,062
- [sniffles]
- 1444
- 01:25:12,629 --> 01:25:13,586
- You can't sleep?
- 1445
- 01:25:13,630 --> 01:25:15,153
- I can't sleep.
- 1446
- 01:25:15,197 --> 01:25:16,415
- Okay.
- 1447
- 01:25:16,459 --> 01:25:18,243
- [Daisy whimpers]
- 1448
- 01:25:20,593 --> 01:25:22,595
- Good night, Daddy.
- 1449
- 01:25:23,596 --> 01:25:25,163
- Good night.
- 1450
- 01:25:25,207 --> 01:25:27,034
- ♪ Sunrise
- 1451
- 01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:29,602
- ♪ Sunset
- 1452
- 01:25:29,646 --> 01:25:32,083
- ♪
- 1453
- 01:25:50,057 --> 01:25:52,756
- ♪ Is this the little girl
- 1454
- 01:25:52,799 --> 01:25:55,628
- ♪ I carried?
- 1455
- 01:25:57,543 --> 01:26:00,546
- ♪ Is this the little boy
- 1456
- 01:26:00,590 --> 01:26:02,548
- ♪ At play?
- 1457
- 01:26:02,592 --> 01:26:04,289
- Let go!
- 1458
- 01:26:04,333 --> 01:26:05,986
- Airplane flying!
- 1459
- 01:26:06,030 --> 01:26:07,597
- - ♪ I don't remember
- - [whooping]
- 1460
- 01:26:07,640 --> 01:26:11,035
- - ♪ Growing older
- - Airplane!
- 1461
- 01:26:11,078 --> 01:26:13,037
- Fly away! Fly!
- 1462
- 01:26:13,080 --> 01:26:14,778
- [whoops]
- 1463
- 01:26:14,821 --> 01:26:18,521
- - ♪ When did they?
- - Airplane! Push!
- 1464
- 01:26:21,654 --> 01:26:24,701
- ♪ When did she get to be
- 1465
- 01:26:24,744 --> 01:26:27,094
- ♪ A beauty?
- 1466
- 01:26:27,138 --> 01:26:29,401
- [typing]
- 1467
- 01:26:29,445 --> 01:26:32,143
- ♪ When did he grow to be
- 1468
- 01:26:32,187 --> 01:26:34,928
- ♪ So tall?
- 1469
- 01:26:34,972 --> 01:26:37,583
- ♪ Ooh...
- 1470
- 01:26:37,627 --> 01:26:39,890
- ♪ Wasn't it yesterday
- 1471
- 01:26:39,933 --> 01:26:42,545
- ♪ That they
- 1472
- 01:26:42,588 --> 01:26:47,419
- ♪ Were small?
- 1473
- 01:26:47,463 --> 01:26:49,856
- ♪
- 1474
- 01:26:52,294 --> 01:26:54,644
- ♪ Sunrise
- 1475
- 01:26:54,687 --> 01:26:57,037
- ♪ Sunset
- 1476
- 01:26:57,081 --> 01:26:59,039
- ♪ Sunrise
- 1477
- 01:26:59,083 --> 01:27:00,650
- ♪ Sunset
- 1478
- 01:27:00,693 --> 01:27:03,305
- - ♪ Swiftly
- - [indistinct chatter]
- 1479
- 01:27:03,348 --> 01:27:09,093
- ♪ Fly the years
- 1480
- 01:27:09,136 --> 01:27:11,095
- ♪ One season
- 1481
- 01:27:11,138 --> 01:27:17,275
- ♪ Following another
- 1482
- 01:27:17,319 --> 01:27:20,583
- ♪ Laden with happiness...
- 1483
- 01:27:20,626 --> 01:27:22,411
- - KAREN: No. Uh-uh. Come on, not
- you. Come on. -DAVID: Hold on.
- 1484
- 01:27:22,454 --> 01:27:24,195
- - Get back in. Guys, come on.
- - Hold on. Hold on, honey.
- 1485
- 01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,979
- - Wait.
- - Good dog.
- 1486
- 01:27:26,023 --> 01:27:27,851
- - ♪ One season...
- - KAREN: What's up?
- 1487
- 01:27:27,894 --> 01:27:31,158
- I thought
- Nic was gonna be here today.
- 1488
- 01:27:31,202 --> 01:27:33,465
- Uh, no. Something came up.
- 1489
- 01:27:34,466 --> 01:27:36,599
- Can I call him?
- 1490
- 01:27:36,642 --> 01:27:38,601
- No, no. You can't.
- 1491
- 01:27:38,644 --> 01:27:40,211
- It's not gonna be possible.
- 1492
- 01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:41,299
- Why not?
- 1493
- 01:27:41,343 --> 01:27:43,301
- Because it's not.
- 1494
- 01:27:43,345 --> 01:27:46,130
- Is Nic back on drugs again?
- 1495
- 01:27:46,173 --> 01:27:48,263
- ♪ Sunrise
- 1496
- 01:27:48,306 --> 01:27:50,221
- ♪ Sunset
- 1497
- 01:27:50,265 --> 01:27:52,963
- - ♪ Sunrise
- - We don't know, honey.
- 1498
- 01:27:53,006 --> 01:27:55,531
- ♪ Sunset.
- 1499
- 01:28:06,019 --> 01:28:08,413
- [chiming quietly]
- 1500
- 01:28:09,501 --> 01:28:12,852
- [phone ringing]
- 1501
- 01:28:21,121 --> 01:28:23,515
- [phone ringing in distance]
- 1502
- 01:28:26,823 --> 01:28:29,260
- [phone ringing]
- 1503
- 01:28:30,870 --> 01:28:33,308
- [wind chimes tinkling]
- 1504
- 01:28:49,802 --> 01:28:52,239
- [rattling]
- 1505
- 01:29:04,251 --> 01:29:05,992
- [mutters]
- 1506
- 01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,010
- [clattering]
- 1507
- 01:29:25,142 --> 01:29:26,883
- [rattling]
- 1508
- 01:29:29,581 --> 01:29:31,496
- All right.
- 1509
- 01:30:02,875 --> 01:30:04,660
- [inhales deeply]
- 1510
- 01:30:04,703 --> 01:30:07,097
- [exhales]
- 1511
- 01:30:18,978 --> 01:30:21,416
- [birds chirping]
- 1512
- 01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:49,356
- [clicks tongue]
- 1513
- 01:31:03,153 --> 01:31:05,111
- [applause and cheering]
- 1514
- 01:31:05,155 --> 01:31:06,939
- [whooping, indistinct shouting]
- 1515
- 01:31:06,983 --> 01:31:08,811
- [buzzer sounds]
- 1516
- 01:31:09,855 --> 01:31:11,291
- [whoops]
- 1517
- 01:31:11,335 --> 01:31:12,684
- [applause and cheering]
- 1518
- 01:31:12,728 --> 01:31:15,121
- Come on, Jasper!
- Whup.
- 1519
- 01:31:19,952 --> 01:31:22,172
- [whistling, whooping,
- shouting, cheering continue]
- 1520
- 01:31:26,568 --> 01:31:28,570
- Yup.
- 1521
- 01:31:32,356 --> 01:31:34,489
- [cheering]
- 1522
- 01:31:37,143 --> 01:31:39,494
- [applause, cheering,
- whistling continue in distance]
- 1523
- 01:31:46,979 --> 01:31:50,026
- [vehicle approaching]
- 1524
- 01:31:50,069 --> 01:31:52,028
- [quiet beeping]
- 1525
- 01:31:52,071 --> 01:31:53,159
- DAVID:
- You got it?
- 1526
- 01:31:53,203 --> 01:31:55,292
- Oh, fuck. Okay.
- Hey, Lauren.
- 1527
- 01:31:56,511 --> 01:31:58,251
- - Lauren, let's go.
- - What?
- 1528
- 01:31:58,295 --> 01:31:59,862
- We got to go.
- 1529
- 01:31:59,905 --> 01:32:01,516
- [dog barking]
- 1530
- 01:32:01,559 --> 01:32:03,474
- - What's going on?
- - Here.
- 1531
- 01:32:03,518 --> 01:32:06,172
- We got to go.
- 1532
- 01:32:06,216 --> 01:32:08,218
- Fine.
- 1533
- 01:32:21,623 --> 01:32:24,234
- JASPER:
- I think I just saw Nic.
- 1534
- 01:32:24,277 --> 01:32:26,018
- KAREN:
- What?
- 1535
- 01:32:26,062 --> 01:32:29,195
- I think I just saw Nic
- and a girl running away.
- 1536
- 01:32:29,239 --> 01:32:31,241
- [panting]
- 1537
- 01:32:35,941 --> 01:32:37,508
- DAISY:
- Nic.
- 1538
- 01:32:37,552 --> 01:32:38,988
- KAREN:
- Uh, no. Stay inside.
- 1539
- 01:32:39,031 --> 01:32:40,816
- - Okay.
- - No.
- 1540
- 01:32:40,859 --> 01:32:44,689
- All right, no. Stay inside!
- I am not kidding, all right?
- 1541
- 01:32:44,733 --> 01:32:46,561
- Stay there.
- 1542
- 01:32:46,604 --> 01:32:48,171
- [door opens]
- 1543
- 01:32:48,214 --> 01:32:49,607
- [Lauren grunts softly]
- 1544
- 01:32:49,651 --> 01:32:51,609
- - Okay.
- - [car door closes]
- 1545
- 01:32:51,653 --> 01:32:54,264
- - [whispering]: Shit.
- - Never again.
- 1546
- 01:32:54,307 --> 01:32:56,571
- - It's okay. Hey.
- - What do we do? What do we do?
- 1547
- 01:32:56,614 --> 01:32:58,007
- It's all right.
- 1548
- 01:32:58,050 --> 01:33:00,052
- [birds singing]
- 1549
- 01:33:02,968 --> 01:33:05,144
- That was so terrible.
- 1550
- 01:33:05,188 --> 01:33:08,365
- Oh, fuck!
- 1551
- 01:33:08,408 --> 01:33:11,237
- [engine starts]
- 1552
- 01:33:11,281 --> 01:33:12,761
- [engine revving]
- 1553
- 01:33:12,804 --> 01:33:15,198
- Nic? Nic? Nic!
- 1554
- 01:33:16,895 --> 01:33:18,288
- Oh...
- 1555
- 01:33:19,724 --> 01:33:22,640
- ♪ All the ladies of court
- 1556
- 01:33:22,684 --> 01:33:24,511
- ♪ Gather round
- 1557
- 01:33:25,817 --> 01:33:28,254
- ♪ Joining in heavenly fare
- 1558
- 01:33:28,298 --> 01:33:30,387
- [engine revving]
- 1559
- 01:33:30,430 --> 01:33:32,389
- Oh. No. No. No.
- 1560
- 01:33:32,432 --> 01:33:34,913
- - [sighs]
- - ♪ Gathering promises
- 1561
- 01:33:34,957 --> 01:33:37,002
- ♪ Of future heroes
- 1562
- 01:33:37,046 --> 01:33:39,483
- ♪ Showing faith
- 1563
- 01:33:39,526 --> 01:33:42,181
- ♪ It is all as you go
- 1564
- 01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:50,146
- ♪ Red light and green light
- and men in their armor ♪
- 1565
- 01:33:50,189 --> 01:33:55,325
- ♪ And fight for the queen
- if you dare ♪
- 1566
- 01:33:56,848 --> 01:34:00,330
- ♪ It's a long way to go
- 1567
- 01:34:00,373 --> 01:34:03,550
- ♪ To test out your mettle
- 1568
- 01:34:03,594 --> 01:34:06,684
- ♪ Well, a long way to go
- 1569
- 01:34:06,728 --> 01:34:10,819
- ♪ To go down
- 1570
- 01:34:15,040 --> 01:34:17,390
- ♪ And I'll write them
- a letter ♪
- 1571
- 01:34:19,392 --> 01:34:22,918
- ♪ I said forgive
- all we've done ♪
- 1572
- 01:34:24,615 --> 01:34:29,707
- ♪ Please first
- grant this favor, sir ♪
- 1573
- 01:34:29,751 --> 01:34:32,318
- ♪ Forgive us quick
- or we'll run ♪
- 1574
- 01:34:36,322 --> 01:34:38,324
- ♪ Or we'll run
- 1575
- 01:34:41,371 --> 01:34:43,068
- ♪ Or we'll run
- 1576
- 01:34:43,112 --> 01:34:45,941
- [sighs]
- 1577
- 01:34:45,984 --> 01:34:48,465
- ♪ Or we'll run
- 1578
- 01:34:48,508 --> 01:34:51,294
- Come on!
- 1579
- 01:34:51,337 --> 01:34:53,905
- ♪ Or...
- 1580
- 01:34:53,949 --> 01:34:59,258
- ♪ We'll run...
- 1581
- 01:35:14,621 --> 01:35:16,798
- [crying]
- 1582
- 01:35:18,756 --> 01:35:21,977
- - [crying]
- - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- 1583
- 01:35:25,894 --> 01:35:27,896
- [birds singing]
- 1584
- 01:35:29,027 --> 01:35:30,725
- [crying]
- 1585
- 01:35:30,768 --> 01:35:32,727
- [distant horns honk]
- 1586
- 01:35:36,861 --> 01:35:39,298
- [panting]
- 1587
- 01:35:42,171 --> 01:35:44,956
- [Nic clears throat]
- 1588
- 01:35:46,044 --> 01:35:47,785
- Okay. Okay.
- 1589
- 01:35:47,829 --> 01:35:50,005
- [line ringing]
- 1590
- 01:35:50,048 --> 01:35:51,789
- WOMAN [over phone]:
- 911. What is your emergency?
- 1591
- 01:35:51,833 --> 01:35:53,791
- Yeah. Hi. Uh, I got a f...
- I'm-I'm with a friend.
- 1592
- 01:35:53,835 --> 01:35:55,140
- She just O.D.'d, and, uh,
- 1593
- 01:35:55,184 --> 01:35:56,794
- I need an ambulance,
- I need some help.
- 1594
- 01:35:56,838 --> 01:35:58,187
- Sir, do you know CPR?
- 1595
- 01:35:58,230 --> 01:35:59,754
- Yeah, I'm doing it right now.
- I just...
- 1596
- 01:35:59,797 --> 01:36:01,886
- Uh, we... You-you guys,
- you got to send an ambulance,
- 1597
- 01:36:01,930 --> 01:36:04,106
- - too, all right?
- - What is your location?
- 1598
- 01:36:04,149 --> 01:36:06,151
- Yeah, I don't know.
- 1599
- 01:36:06,195 --> 01:36:07,805
- Y-You-you guys are gonna have
- to trace the call.
- 1600
- 01:36:07,849 --> 01:36:09,589
- WOMAN:
- Hello?
- 1601
- 01:36:09,633 --> 01:36:13,028
- Hello?
- Sir, are you still there?
- 1602
- 01:36:13,071 --> 01:36:15,378
- - [Lauren gasps loudly, shrieks]
- - Sir?
- 1603
- 01:36:15,421 --> 01:36:18,250
- - [Lauren coughs]
- - [operator speaks indistinctly]
- 1604
- 01:36:18,294 --> 01:36:19,817
- WOMAN:
- Sir? Sir?
- 1605
- 01:36:19,861 --> 01:36:23,734
- [coughing, gasping]
- 1606
- 01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:26,258
- - [Lauren gasping, coughing]
- - [operator speaks indistinctly]
- 1607
- 01:36:28,739 --> 01:36:31,698
- - [Lauren sighs] -Look up.
- - [garbled radio transmission]
- 1608
- 01:36:31,742 --> 01:36:33,439
- Honey, look up for me.
- 1609
- 01:36:34,919 --> 01:36:38,314
- Can you look up this way
- over here?
- 1610
- 01:36:38,357 --> 01:36:40,446
- Hey, look, we're gonna need
- to take you to the ER.
- 1611
- 01:36:40,490 --> 01:36:41,883
- I-I don't...
- I don't want to. I-I...
- 1612
- 01:36:41,926 --> 01:36:43,493
- - We need to take you to the ER.
- - I'm fine.
- 1613
- 01:36:43,536 --> 01:36:44,842
- She doesn't want to go
- to the ER. She's...
- 1614
- 01:36:44,886 --> 01:36:46,496
- She's... No, she's not okay.
- We need to take her
- 1615
- 01:36:46,539 --> 01:36:47,889
- - to the ER.
- - But she doesn't want to go.
- 1616
- 01:36:47,932 --> 01:36:49,629
- No, sir, she needs to go!
- 1617
- 01:36:49,673 --> 01:36:51,327
- - [Lauren whimpers]
- - Okay?
- 1618
- 01:36:51,370 --> 01:36:53,851
- You have a problem with that,
- I can inform the police.
- 1619
- 01:36:53,895 --> 01:36:55,635
- - Goddamn it.
- - [Lauren whimpers]
- 1620
- 01:36:55,679 --> 01:36:59,117
- You're gonna come
- and meet me, right?
- 1621
- 01:36:59,161 --> 01:37:00,597
- - Yes. Yes!
- - You promise?
- 1622
- 01:37:00,640 --> 01:37:03,034
- [crying]:
- I love you.
- 1623
- 01:37:03,078 --> 01:37:05,515
- - I love you, too.
- - [garbled radio transmission]
- 1624
- 01:37:05,558 --> 01:37:07,212
- - You promise you're gonna meet me?
- - Yes, Lauren.
- 1625
- 01:37:07,256 --> 01:37:09,301
- I'll come fucking meet you.
- What do you want from me?
- 1626
- 01:37:09,345 --> 01:37:12,609
- - Okay, okay.
- - Jesus fucking Christ.
- 1627
- 01:37:18,136 --> 01:37:21,009
- [breathing loudly]
- 1628
- 01:37:26,057 --> 01:37:27,493
- [breathing loudly]
- 1629
- 01:37:27,537 --> 01:37:29,713
- [dialing phone]
- 1630
- 01:37:32,455 --> 01:37:36,024
- [line ringing]
- 1631
- 01:37:38,940 --> 01:37:41,333
- DAVID [over phone]:
- David Sheff.
- 1632
- 01:37:41,377 --> 01:37:43,118
- Hey, Dad. It's me.
- 1633
- 01:37:43,161 --> 01:37:45,772
- [panting]
- 1634
- 01:37:45,816 --> 01:37:48,297
- - Nic?
- - Yeah.
- 1635
- 01:37:48,340 --> 01:37:50,734
- [panting]
- 1636
- 01:37:57,567 --> 01:37:59,612
- Please don't hate me, Dad.
- 1637
- 01:38:01,136 --> 01:38:03,138
- I know I did wrong.
- 1638
- 01:38:04,879 --> 01:38:06,924
- I want to stop,
- but please, please, please,
- 1639
- 01:38:06,968 --> 01:38:08,795
- please, please,
- please no rehab, all right?
- 1640
- 01:38:08,839 --> 01:38:11,668
- Just let me come home.
- You know what?
- 1641
- 01:38:11,711 --> 01:38:15,498
- I realize it's actually
- I... I-I need to be home.
- 1642
- 01:38:15,541 --> 01:38:20,285
- You guys, you guys are gonna
- give me the strength to stop.
- 1643
- 01:38:20,329 --> 01:38:22,331
- All right?
- 1644
- 01:38:22,374 --> 01:38:25,160
- [panting]
- 1645
- 01:38:25,203 --> 01:38:27,205
- That's not going to happen.
- 1646
- 01:38:36,475 --> 01:38:39,565
- I wish that I could help you,
- 1647
- 01:38:39,609 --> 01:38:41,567
- but I can't do that.
- 1648
- 01:38:41,611 --> 01:38:43,352
- I c... I can't.
- 1649
- 01:38:43,395 --> 01:38:45,484
- Oh, please help me, Dad.
- 1650
- 01:38:46,964 --> 01:38:49,184
- No, Dad. I just need
- a little bit of help.
- 1651
- 01:38:51,229 --> 01:38:53,318
- Please help me.
- I want to come home.
- 1652
- 01:38:53,362 --> 01:38:56,060
- All I can tell you
- is what you already know.
- 1653
- 01:38:56,104 --> 01:38:58,541
- Dad, why aren't you
- fucking listening to me?
- 1654
- 01:38:58,584 --> 01:39:00,717
- - Call your sponsor.
- - [crying]: I don't want to talk
- 1655
- 01:39:00,760 --> 01:39:02,632
- to my sponsor now.
- I want to talk to you.
- 1656
- 01:39:02,675 --> 01:39:04,590
- Get help.
- 1657
- 01:39:04,634 --> 01:39:06,549
- - I love you.
- - Dad, what...
- 1658
- 01:39:06,592 --> 01:39:08,986
- And I hope that you get
- your life together.
- 1659
- 01:39:09,030 --> 01:39:10,596
- I love you, too.
- 1660
- 01:39:10,640 --> 01:39:13,121
- I love you.
- 1661
- 01:39:13,164 --> 01:39:15,123
- [phone beeps off]
- 1662
- 01:39:15,166 --> 01:39:17,168
- [insects chirping]
- 1663
- 01:39:26,961 --> 01:39:29,876
- [sighs]
- 1664
- 01:39:29,920 --> 01:39:32,183
- [jagged breathing]
- 1665
- 01:39:32,227 --> 01:39:34,925
- [crying]
- 1666
- 01:39:46,850 --> 01:39:50,680
- [waves lapping]
- 1667
- 01:39:58,993 --> 01:40:00,995
- [waves lapping]
- 1668
- 01:40:13,094 --> 01:40:15,139
- [crickets chirping]
- 1669
- 01:40:33,462 --> 01:40:35,464
- ♪
- 1670
- 01:40:42,471 --> 01:40:44,908
- [sighs]
- 1671
- 01:40:53,960 --> 01:40:55,962
- [insects chirping]
- 1672
- 01:41:16,026 --> 01:41:18,420
- [seagull squawking]
- 1673
- 01:41:35,176 --> 01:41:37,874
- - [sniffles]
- - [line ringing]
- 1674
- 01:41:41,182 --> 01:41:44,010
- - DAVID: Hello.
- - Nicolas called.
- 1675
- 01:41:44,054 --> 01:41:45,447
- He sounds desperate.
- 1676
- 01:41:46,752 --> 01:41:48,667
- Gonna die
- if we don't do anything.
- 1677
- 01:41:48,711 --> 01:41:50,713
- Well...
- 1678
- 01:41:50,756 --> 01:41:53,672
- he's gonna die even if we do.
- 1679
- 01:41:53,716 --> 01:41:56,371
- Nothing we do
- has any effect on him.
- 1680
- 01:41:56,414 --> 01:41:59,678
- [Henryk Górecki's Symphony
- No. 3 plays, singing in Polish]
- 1681
- 01:42:02,333 --> 01:42:03,900
- I failed.
- 1682
- 01:42:03,943 --> 01:42:05,554
- VICKI:
- I know you feel ashamed, okay?
- 1683
- 01:42:05,597 --> 01:42:08,209
- So do I.
- 1684
- 01:42:08,252 --> 01:42:10,559
- But you have done great, David.
- 1685
- 01:42:10,602 --> 01:42:13,518
- And Karen, too,
- so thank you for that.
- 1686
- 01:42:13,562 --> 01:42:15,433
- You were up for it
- when I wasn't,
- 1687
- 01:42:15,477 --> 01:42:17,348
- and I'm not giving up now.
- 1688
- 01:42:18,393 --> 01:42:20,221
- Never.
- 1689
- 01:42:21,918 --> 01:42:24,660
- But I can't do it alone.
- 1690
- 01:42:27,619 --> 01:42:30,405
- I need your help.
- 1691
- 01:42:30,448 --> 01:42:32,624
- [Vicki cries]
- 1692
- 01:42:32,668 --> 01:42:35,671
- I don't think
- you can save people, Vicki.
- 1693
- 01:42:35,714 --> 01:42:37,542
- [sighs]
- 1694
- 01:42:37,586 --> 01:42:40,980
- [crying]: You can be there
- for them, can't you?
- 1695
- 01:42:44,810 --> 01:42:46,986
- JASPER:
- Look at this.
- 1696
- 01:42:52,122 --> 01:42:54,037
- DAVID:
- I'm done.
- 1697
- 01:42:54,080 --> 01:42:56,257
- - Oh.
- - Okay? I...
- 1698
- 01:42:56,300 --> 01:42:59,303
- [sniffles]
- Okay.
- 1699
- 01:43:12,490 --> 01:43:14,927
- [Symphony No. 3 continues,
- with singing in Polish]
- 1700
- 01:43:32,945 --> 01:43:34,947
- MAN:
- Hey, everybody.
- 1701
- 01:43:34,991 --> 01:43:37,689
- Time to get together.
- 1702
- 01:43:37,733 --> 01:43:40,126
- [crowd chatter]
- 1703
- 01:43:50,180 --> 01:43:54,315
- WOMAN:
- I... I had a rough week.
- 1704
- 01:43:56,752 --> 01:43:58,493
- Some of you know,
- some of you don't.
- 1705
- 01:43:58,536 --> 01:44:00,190
- I, um...
- 1706
- 01:44:00,234 --> 01:44:02,279
- I lost my Frances this week.
- 1707
- 01:44:02,323 --> 01:44:05,456
- She died of an overdose
- on Sunday.
- 1708
- 01:44:05,500 --> 01:44:07,589
- So...
- 1709
- 01:44:07,632 --> 01:44:11,593
- I guess I'm in mourning,
- but I-I...
- 1710
- 01:44:11,636 --> 01:44:14,030
- I realized something else.
- 1711
- 01:44:14,073 --> 01:44:18,121
- I've actually been in mourning
- for years.
- 1712
- 01:44:20,210 --> 01:44:22,430
- 'Cause even when she was alive,
- she...
- 1713
- 01:44:22,473 --> 01:44:24,997
- she wasn't there.
- 1714
- 01:44:25,041 --> 01:44:29,306
- When you mourn the living,
- 1715
- 01:44:29,350 --> 01:44:32,222
- that's a hard way to live.
- 1716
- 01:44:34,224 --> 01:44:36,705
- And so, in...
- 1717
- 01:44:36,748 --> 01:44:38,968
- in a way, it's-it's...
- 1718
- 01:44:39,011 --> 01:44:41,100
- it's better, I guess.
- 1719
- 01:44:45,279 --> 01:44:50,849
- [crying]: She was a dear,
- dear young woman.
- 1720
- 01:44:52,808 --> 01:44:54,984
- I always felt...
- 1721
- 01:44:55,027 --> 01:44:57,595
- I needed to... to stay strong,
- 1722
- 01:44:57,639 --> 01:45:01,033
- that there'd be
- some future event,
- 1723
- 01:45:01,077 --> 01:45:03,688
- and I'd... I'd need
- all my strength for it.
- 1724
- 01:45:07,301 --> 01:45:09,781
- But there are no events
- after this one.
- 1725
- 01:45:09,825 --> 01:45:13,350
- [crying]:
- I hope she's not in pain now.
- 1726
- 01:45:15,439 --> 01:45:17,615
- [woman whimpers]
- 1727
- 01:45:20,052 --> 01:45:22,054
- Bye, Frances.
- 1728
- 01:45:25,971 --> 01:45:28,322
- [Karen sniffles]
- 1729
- 01:45:52,868 --> 01:45:54,870
- ♪
- 1730
- 01:46:06,621 --> 01:46:08,623
- [grunts]
- 1731
- 01:46:22,767 --> 01:46:25,161
- [Symphony No. 3 continues,
- with singing in Polish]
- 1732
- 01:46:44,223 --> 01:46:46,530
- ♪
- 1733
- 01:47:06,376 --> 01:47:09,161
- ♪
- 1734
- 01:47:19,171 --> 01:47:21,435
- DAVID:
- Hey.
- 1735
- 01:47:21,478 --> 01:47:23,654
- Hi.
- 1736
- 01:47:23,698 --> 01:47:25,787
- [Vicki sighs]
- 1737
- 01:47:32,924 --> 01:47:34,491
- How's he doing?
- 1738
- 01:47:34,535 --> 01:47:36,754
- The doctor's with him now.
- 1739
- 01:47:38,364 --> 01:47:40,149
- He said it's close to a miracle
- 1740
- 01:47:40,192 --> 01:47:43,152
- Nic survived
- with all the drugs in his body.
- 1741
- 01:47:44,196 --> 01:47:46,024
- [Vicki chuckles]
- 1742
- 01:47:53,075 --> 01:47:54,511
- [David grunts softly]
- 1743
- 01:48:14,226 --> 01:48:16,446
- [Symphony No. 3 continues,
- with singing in Polish]
- 1744
- 01:48:36,248 --> 01:48:38,555
- ♪
- 1745
- 01:48:58,270 --> 01:49:00,664
- ♪
- 1746
- 01:49:12,284 --> 01:49:14,678
- [Nic cries]
- 1747
- 01:49:20,379 --> 01:49:22,730
- [Nic sniffles]
- 1748
- 01:49:22,773 --> 01:49:25,820
- [Nic cries]
- 1749
- 01:49:40,312 --> 01:49:42,314
- [sobbing]
- 1750
- 01:49:47,058 --> 01:49:49,278
- [Nic sniffles]
- 1751
- 01:50:26,097 --> 01:50:28,099
- ♪
- 1752
- 01:50:33,496 --> 01:50:35,498
- ♪ Ah
- 1753
- 01:50:51,340 --> 01:50:54,604
- ♪ I was somewhere 2000
- in a daydream ♪
- 1754
- 01:50:56,301 --> 01:51:00,523
- ♪ I was hiding,
- I couldn't face it ♪
- 1755
- 01:51:00,566 --> 01:51:04,266
- ♪ I used to live my life
- in the wind... ♪
- 1756
- 01:51:04,309 --> 01:51:08,270
- ♪ I felt out of sync,
- audio phasing ♪
- 1757
- 01:51:08,313 --> 01:51:12,274
- ♪ Felt like I couldn't
- find my place in ♪
- 1758
- 01:51:17,366 --> 01:51:20,586
- ♪ Sky shivers, they,
- they turn to rain ♪
- 1759
- 01:51:20,630 --> 01:51:22,545
- ♪ I turn again
- 1760
- 01:51:22,588 --> 01:51:25,679
- ♪ I wish we could heal
- 1761
- 01:51:30,205 --> 01:51:33,599
- ♪ I'll take you home,
- I'll make you whole ♪
- 1762
- 01:51:33,643 --> 01:51:38,517
- ♪ You make me wish
- that this wasn't real ♪
- 1763
- 01:51:43,000 --> 01:51:45,568
- ♪ Because you're
- 1764
- 01:51:45,611 --> 01:51:47,570
- ♪ Oh
- 1765
- 01:51:47,613 --> 01:51:52,444
- ♪ You're my treasure
- 1766
- 01:51:55,709 --> 01:51:58,450
- ♪ Because you're
- 1767
- 01:51:58,494 --> 01:52:00,365
- ♪ Oh
- 1768
- 01:52:00,409 --> 01:52:05,240
- ♪ You're my treasure
- 1769
- 01:52:07,721 --> 01:52:12,508
- ♪ I used to live my life
- in the wind ♪
- 1770
- 01:52:17,426 --> 01:52:19,036
- ♪ And I would fly
- 1771
- 01:52:19,080 --> 01:52:22,170
- ♪ Wherever you would swim
- 1772
- 01:52:26,914 --> 01:52:31,832
- ♪ I couldn't stand by you
- or anything ♪
- 1773
- 01:52:33,964 --> 01:52:37,185
- ♪ Sky shivers, they,
- they turn to rain ♪
- 1774
- 01:52:37,228 --> 01:52:39,013
- ♪ I turn again
- 1775
- 01:52:39,056 --> 01:52:42,364
- ♪ I wish we could heal
- 1776
- 01:52:47,108 --> 01:52:50,241
- ♪ I'll take you home,
- I'll make you whole ♪
- 1777
- 01:52:50,285 --> 01:52:55,072
- ♪ You make me wish
- that this wasn't real ♪
- 1778
- 01:52:59,729 --> 01:53:02,427
- ♪ Because you're
- 1779
- 01:53:02,471 --> 01:53:04,168
- ♪ Oh
- 1780
- 01:53:04,212 --> 01:53:09,217
- ♪ You're my treasure
- 1781
- 01:53:12,481 --> 01:53:15,136
- ♪ Because you're
- 1782
- 01:53:15,179 --> 01:53:16,877
- ♪ Oh
- 1783
- 01:53:16,920 --> 01:53:21,620
- ♪ You're my treasure
- 1784
- 01:53:24,885 --> 01:53:26,321
- ♪ Bad habits
- 1785
- 01:53:26,364 --> 01:53:28,018
- ♪ And good times
- 1786
- 01:53:28,062 --> 01:53:29,498
- ♪ Let's take a risk
- 1787
- 01:53:29,541 --> 01:53:31,108
- ♪ On our lives
- 1788
- 01:53:31,152 --> 01:53:32,893
- ♪ Don't smile
- 1789
- 01:53:32,936 --> 01:53:34,590
- ♪ Just might cry
- 1790
- 01:53:34,633 --> 01:53:35,983
- ♪ Go around the roundabout
- 1791
- 01:53:36,026 --> 01:53:37,636
- ♪ Like five times
- 1792
- 01:53:37,680 --> 01:53:39,421
- ♪ With two scratches
- 1793
- 01:53:39,464 --> 01:53:40,683
- ♪ Hard drive
- 1794
- 01:53:40,726 --> 01:53:41,902
- ♪ Open up to it
- 1795
- 01:53:41,945 --> 01:53:43,164
- ♪ Get me three times
- 1796
- 01:53:43,207 --> 01:53:44,165
- ♪ Not lying
- 1797
- 01:53:44,208 --> 01:53:45,166
- ♪ Watch the heavens
- 1798
- 01:53:45,209 --> 01:53:46,167
- ♪ Goes up
- 1799
- 01:53:46,210 --> 01:53:47,385
- ♪ Three times
- 1800
- 01:53:47,429 --> 01:53:48,865
- ♪ Watch the heavens
- 1801
- 01:53:48,909 --> 01:53:53,130
- ♪ As the sun dies
- 1802
- 01:53:56,917 --> 01:54:00,703
- ♪ When breathing
- even is a challenge ♪
- 1803
- 01:54:00,746 --> 01:54:03,924
- ♪ I don't want
- to lose control ♪
- 1804
- 01:54:03,967 --> 01:54:07,362
- ♪ I need it, gotta have it
- 1805
- 01:54:07,405 --> 01:54:10,452
- ♪ Don't stop clinging,
- don't stop clinging ♪
- 1806
- 01:54:10,495 --> 01:54:11,888
- ♪ Don't stop clinging
- 1807
- 01:54:11,932 --> 01:54:13,672
- ♪ Don't stop
- clinging ♪
- 1808
- 01:54:13,716 --> 01:54:16,675
- ♪ Don't stop clinging,
- don't stop clinging ♪
- 1809
- 01:54:16,719 --> 01:54:18,373
- ♪ Don't stop clinging
- 1810
- 01:54:18,416 --> 01:54:20,244
- ♪ Don't stop
- clinging ♪
- 1811
- 01:54:20,288 --> 01:54:23,073
- ♪ Don't stop clinging,
- don't stop clinging ♪
- 1812
- 01:54:23,117 --> 01:54:24,727
- ♪ Don't stop clinging
- 1813
- 01:54:24,770 --> 01:54:26,511
- ♪ Don't stop
- clinging ♪
- 1814
- 01:54:26,555 --> 01:54:29,471
- ♪ Don't stop clinging,
- don't stop clinging ♪
- 1815
- 01:54:29,514 --> 01:54:31,255
- ♪ Don't stop
- clinging ♪
- 1816
- 01:54:31,299 --> 01:54:32,561
- ♪ Don't stop clinging
- 1817
- 01:54:32,604 --> 01:54:34,389
- ♪ Don't stop
- clinging ♪
- 1818
- 01:54:34,432 --> 01:54:36,260
- - ♪ Don't stop clinging
- - ♪ Still alive
- 1819
- 01:54:36,304 --> 01:54:38,045
- ♪ Don't stop clinging
- 1820
- 01:54:38,088 --> 01:54:40,874
- ♪ Don't stop clinging,
- don't stop clinging ♪
- 1821
- 01:54:40,917 --> 01:54:42,832
- - ♪ Don't stop clinging...
- - ♪ Still alive...
- 1822
- 01:54:42,876 --> 01:54:44,703
- NIC:
- "Either peace or happiness,
- 1823
- 01:54:44,747 --> 01:54:46,575
- "let it enfold you.
- 1824
- 01:54:46,618 --> 01:54:49,578
- "When I was a young man,
- I felt that these things
- 1825
- 01:54:49,621 --> 01:54:52,059
- "were dumb, unsophisticated.
- 1826
- 01:54:52,102 --> 01:54:54,322
- "I had bad blood,
- a twisted mind,
- 1827
- 01:54:54,365 --> 01:54:56,454
- "a precarious upbringing.
- 1828
- 01:54:56,498 --> 01:54:58,108
- "I was hard as granite.
- 1829
- 01:54:58,152 --> 01:55:00,023
- "I leered at the sun.
- 1830
- 01:55:00,067 --> 01:55:03,505
- "I trusted no man
- and especially no woman.
- 1831
- 01:55:03,548 --> 01:55:05,899
- "I was living a hell
- in small rooms.
- 1832
- 01:55:05,942 --> 01:55:07,639
- "I broke things,
- smashed things,
- 1833
- 01:55:07,683 --> 01:55:10,251
- "walked through glass, cursed.
- 1834
- 01:55:10,294 --> 01:55:11,905
- "I challenged everything,
- 1835
- 01:55:11,948 --> 01:55:14,124
- "was continually being evicted,
- jailed,
- 1836
- 01:55:14,168 --> 01:55:16,910
- "in and out of fights,
- in and out of my mind.
- 1837
- 01:55:16,953 --> 01:55:19,347
- "Women were something
- to screw and rail at.
- 1838
- 01:55:19,390 --> 01:55:21,479
- "I had no male friends.
- 1839
- 01:55:21,523 --> 01:55:23,612
- "I changed jobs and cities.
- 1840
- 01:55:23,655 --> 01:55:26,310
- "I hated holidays,
- babies, history,
- 1841
- 01:55:26,354 --> 01:55:28,965
- "newspapers, museums,
- grandmothers,
- 1842
- 01:55:29,009 --> 01:55:32,012
- "marriage, movies, spiders,
- garbagemen,
- 1843
- 01:55:32,055 --> 01:55:35,929
- "English accents, Spain,
- France, Italy,
- 1844
- 01:55:35,972 --> 01:55:38,670
- "walnuts and the color orange.
- 1845
- 01:55:38,714 --> 01:55:40,542
- "Algebra angered me.
- 1846
- 01:55:40,585 --> 01:55:42,500
- "Opera sickened me.
- 1847
- 01:55:42,544 --> 01:55:44,589
- "Charlie Chaplin was a fake.
- 1848
- 01:55:44,633 --> 01:55:46,765
- "And flowers were for pansies.
- 1849
- 01:55:46,809 --> 01:55:50,160
- "Peace and happiness were to me
- signs of inferiority,
- 1850
- 01:55:50,204 --> 01:55:52,989
- "tenants of the weak
- and addled mind.
- 1851
- 01:55:53,033 --> 01:55:55,600
- "But as I went on
- with my alley fights,
- 1852
- 01:55:55,644 --> 01:55:57,167
- "my suicidal years,
- 1853
- 01:55:57,211 --> 01:55:59,126
- "my passage through
- any number of women,
- 1854
- 01:55:59,169 --> 01:56:02,651
- "it gradually began to occur
- to me that I wasn't different
- 1855
- 01:56:02,694 --> 01:56:04,740
- "from the others,
- I was the same.
- 1856
- 01:56:04,783 --> 01:56:06,698
- "They were all fulsome
- with hatred,
- 1857
- 01:56:06,742 --> 01:56:09,092
- "glossed over
- with petty grievances.
- 1858
- 01:56:09,136 --> 01:56:11,747
- "The men I fought in alleys
- had hearts of stone.
- 1859
- 01:56:11,790 --> 01:56:13,749
- "Everybody was nudging,
- inching,
- 1860
- 01:56:13,792 --> 01:56:16,621
- "cheating for some
- insignificant advantage.
- 1861
- 01:56:16,665 --> 01:56:19,798
- "The lie was the weapon,
- and the plot was empty.
- 1862
- 01:56:19,842 --> 01:56:22,062
- "Darkness was the dictator.
- 1863
- 01:56:22,105 --> 01:56:25,500
- "Cautiously, I allowed myself
- to feel good at times.
- 1864
- 01:56:25,543 --> 01:56:27,458
- "I found moments of peace
- in cheap rooms
- 1865
- 01:56:27,502 --> 01:56:30,505
- "just staring at the knobs
- of some dresser
- 1866
- 01:56:30,548 --> 01:56:32,855
- "or listening
- to the rain in the dark.
- 1867
- 01:56:32,898 --> 01:56:35,858
- "The less I needed,
- the better I felt.
- 1868
- 01:56:35,901 --> 01:56:37,773
- "Maybe the other life
- had worn me down.
- 1869
- 01:56:37,816 --> 01:56:39,470
- "I no longer found glamour
- 1870
- 01:56:39,514 --> 01:56:41,864
- "in topping somebody
- in conversation
- 1871
- 01:56:41,907 --> 01:56:45,128
- "or in mounting the body
- of some poor, drunken female
- 1872
- 01:56:45,172 --> 01:56:47,652
- "whose life had slipped away
- into sorrow.
- 1873
- 01:56:47,696 --> 01:56:49,611
- "I could never accept
- life as it was.
- 1874
- 01:56:49,654 --> 01:56:52,440
- "I could never gobble down
- all its poisons.
- 1875
- 01:56:52,483 --> 01:56:54,746
- "But there were parts,
- tenuous magic parts,
- 1876
- 01:56:54,790 --> 01:56:56,748
- "open for the asking.
- 1877
- 01:56:56,792 --> 01:56:58,315
- "I reformulated.
- 1878
- 01:56:58,359 --> 01:57:00,361
- "I don't know when...
- date, time, all that...
- 1879
- 01:57:00,404 --> 01:57:02,015
- "but the change occurred.
- 1880
- 01:57:02,058 --> 01:57:05,366
- "Something in me relaxed,
- smoothed out.
- 1881
- 01:57:05,409 --> 01:57:07,672
- "I no longer had to prove
- that I was a man.
- 1882
- 01:57:07,716 --> 01:57:09,413
- "I didn't have to prove
- anything.
- 1883
- 01:57:09,457 --> 01:57:11,198
- "I began to see things.
- 1884
- 01:57:11,241 --> 01:57:13,939
- "Coffee cups lined up
- behind a counter in a cafe.
- 1885
- 01:57:13,983 --> 01:57:16,420
- "Or a dog walking
- along a sidewalk.
- 1886
- 01:57:16,464 --> 01:57:18,379
- "Or the way the mouse
- on my dresser top
- 1887
- 01:57:18,422 --> 01:57:20,424
- "stopped there,
- really stopped there,
- 1888
- 01:57:20,468 --> 01:57:22,557
- "with its body,
- its ears, its nose.
- 1889
- 01:57:22,600 --> 01:57:26,430
- "It was fixed, a bit of life
- caught within itself,
- 1890
- 01:57:26,474 --> 01:57:30,260
- "and its eyes looked at me,
- and they were beautiful.
- 1891
- 01:57:30,304 --> 01:57:32,349
- "Then it was gone.
- 1892
- 01:57:32,393 --> 01:57:34,221
- "I began to feel good.
- 1893
- 01:57:34,264 --> 01:57:36,745
- "I began to feel good
- in the worst situations,
- 1894
- 01:57:36,788 --> 01:57:38,486
- "and there were
- plenty of those.
- 1895
- 01:57:38,529 --> 01:57:41,532
- "Like, say, the boss
- behind his desk.
- 1896
- 01:57:41,576 --> 01:57:43,665
- "He is going to have
- to fire me.
- 1897
- 01:57:43,708 --> 01:57:45,449
- "I've missed too many days.
- 1898
- 01:57:45,493 --> 01:57:48,757
- "He's dressed in a suit,
- necktie, glasses.
- 1899
- 01:57:48,800 --> 01:57:51,542
- "He says, 'I am going
- to have to let you go.'
- 1900
- 01:57:51,586 --> 01:57:53,327
- "'It's all right, '
- I tell him.
- 1901
- 01:57:53,370 --> 01:57:54,806
- "He must do what he must do.
- 1902
- 01:57:54,850 --> 01:57:56,765
- "He has a wife,
- a house, children,
- 1903
- 01:57:56,808 --> 01:57:59,985
- "expenses,
- most probably a girlfriend.
- 1904
- 01:58:00,029 --> 01:58:01,465
- "I'm sorry for him.
- 1905
- 01:58:01,509 --> 01:58:03,119
- "He's caught.
- 1906
- 01:58:03,163 --> 01:58:04,773
- "I walk out into
- the blazing sunshine.
- 1907
- 01:58:04,816 --> 01:58:07,558
- "The whole day is mine,
- temporarily anyhow.
- 1908
- 01:58:07,602 --> 01:58:10,170
- "The whole world is at
- the throat of the world.
- 1909
- 01:58:10,213 --> 01:58:13,129
- "Everybody feels angry,
- short-changed, cheated.
- 1910
- 01:58:13,173 --> 01:58:15,871
- "Everybody is despondent,
- disillusioned.
- 1911
- 01:58:15,914 --> 01:58:19,048
- "I welcomed shots of peace,
- tattered shards of happiness.
- 1912
- 01:58:19,092 --> 01:58:21,442
- "I embraced that stuff
- like the hottest number,
- 1913
- 01:58:21,485 --> 01:58:24,358
- "like high heels, breasts,
- singing, the works.
- 1914
- 01:58:24,401 --> 01:58:25,924
- "Don't get me wrong,
- 1915
- 01:58:25,968 --> 01:58:27,665
- "there is such a thing
- as cockeyed optimism
- 1916
- 01:58:27,709 --> 01:58:29,102
- "that overlooks
- all basic problems
- 1917
- 01:58:29,145 --> 01:58:30,581
- "just for the sake of itself.
- 1918
- 01:58:30,625 --> 01:58:32,844
- "This is a shield
- and a sickness.
- 1919
- 01:58:32,888 --> 01:58:34,890
- "The knife got near
- my throat again.
- 1920
- 01:58:34,933 --> 01:58:36,805
- "I almost turned on
- the gas again.
- 1921
- 01:58:36,848 --> 01:58:38,807
- "But when the good moments
- arrived again,
- 1922
- 01:58:38,850 --> 01:58:40,939
- "I didn't fight them off
- like an alley adversary.
- 1923
- 01:58:40,983 --> 01:58:43,420
- "I let them take me.
- I luxuriated in them.
- 1924
- 01:58:43,464 --> 01:58:45,248
- "I bade them welcome home.
- 1925
- 01:58:45,292 --> 01:58:46,902
- "I even looked
- into the mirror once
- 1926
- 01:58:46,945 --> 01:58:49,948
- "having thought myself
- to be ugly.
- 1927
- 01:58:49,992 --> 01:58:51,994
- "I now liked what I saw.
- 1928
- 01:58:52,037 --> 01:58:53,691
- "Almost handsome.
- 1929
- 01:58:53,735 --> 01:58:55,911
- "Yes, a bit ripped and ragged.
- 1930
- 01:58:55,954 --> 01:58:58,087
- "Scars, lumps, odd turns.
- 1931
- 01:58:58,131 --> 01:59:00,176
- "But all in all, not too bad.
- 1932
- 01:59:00,220 --> 01:59:02,047
- "Almost handsome.
- 1933
- 01:59:02,091 --> 01:59:04,137
- "Better at least than some
- of those movie star faces
- 1934
- 01:59:04,180 --> 01:59:05,877
- "like the cheeks
- of a baby's butt.
- 1935
- 01:59:05,921 --> 01:59:07,401
- "And finally I discovered
- 1936
- 01:59:07,444 --> 01:59:09,751
- "real feelings for others,
- unheralded.
- 1937
- 01:59:09,794 --> 01:59:11,622
- "Like lately,
- like this morning,
- 1938
- 01:59:11,666 --> 01:59:15,148
- "as I was leaving for the
- track, I saw my wife in bed,
- 1939
- 01:59:15,191 --> 01:59:17,019
- "just the shape
- of her head there,
- 1940
- 01:59:17,062 --> 01:59:20,631
- "covers pulled high, just
- the shape of her head there.
- 1941
- 01:59:20,675 --> 01:59:23,068
- "Not forgetting centuries
- of the living and the dead
- 1942
- 01:59:23,112 --> 01:59:24,896
- "and the dying, the pyramids,
- 1943
- 01:59:24,940 --> 01:59:27,421
- "Mozart dead, but his music
- still there in the room,
- 1944
- 01:59:27,464 --> 01:59:29,205
- "weeds growing,
- the Earth turning,
- 1945
- 01:59:29,249 --> 01:59:31,338
- "the tote board waiting for me.
- 1946
- 01:59:31,381 --> 01:59:33,122
- "I saw the shape
- of my wife's head,
- 1947
- 01:59:33,166 --> 01:59:34,558
- "she so still.
- 1948
- 01:59:34,602 --> 01:59:36,081
- "I ached for her life,
- 1949
- 01:59:36,125 --> 01:59:37,779
- "just being there
- under the covers.
- 1950
- 01:59:37,822 --> 01:59:39,346
- "I kissed her on the forehead,
- 1951
- 01:59:39,389 --> 01:59:41,130
- "got down the stairway,
- got outside,
- 1952
- 01:59:41,174 --> 01:59:43,611
- "got into my marvelous car,
- fixed the seat belt,
- 1953
- 01:59:43,654 --> 01:59:45,090
- "backed out the drive.
- 1954
- 01:59:45,134 --> 01:59:46,918
- "Feeling warm
- to the fingertips,
- 1955
- 01:59:46,962 --> 01:59:49,747
- "down to my foot
- on the gas pedal,
- 1956
- 01:59:49,791 --> 01:59:51,706
- "I entered the world once more,
- 1957
- 01:59:51,749 --> 01:59:53,795
- "drove down the hill
- past the houses
- 1958
- 01:59:53,838 --> 01:59:55,623
- "full and empty of people.
- 1959
- 01:59:55,666 --> 01:59:58,103
- "I saw the mailman, honked.
- 1960
- 01:59:58,147 --> 02:00:00,541
- He waved back at me."
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