11:31		*** Cyrix joined #LetsReadWard
11:34	Cyrix	okay! finally reading time
11:35	Cyrix	"  Either way, I rarely fell back into sleep." hello insomnia my old friend!
11:36	Cyrix	//The drugs had been part of my diet, to ensure I fell asleep and woke up at certain times./// uff. Permanent drug description for life usually means they kinda lost hope on you and just try to make life as easy as possible for you.
11:38	Cyrix	//I was perpetually tempted to get something to help, but the degree to which I was tempted was a warning bell in the back of my mind./// as it should be
11:38	Cyrix	// Red-dyed raw denim, washed with something dark that made the creases and seams very apparent. /// I think I have a red jeans somewhere too.
11:40	Cyrix	//It was a good memory and a large part of why the jeans were a security-blanket level thing for me./// not sure security blanket level is proper english. But I think its deliberate.
11:42	Cyrix	//The memory had a nice second part, when Dean had mentioned that even the brief wearing of the jeans had turned his legs and underwear red./// cheap ass jeans can do that, yeah. I hate jeans like that, h&m is full of that crap.
11:42	Cyrix	//He’d described it as a clown-nose smudge on the front and his friends had been nearly falling out of their seats./// okay - thats an amusing thought.
11:43	Cyrix	// I’d worked myself up into a tizzy, the best words for it, and I’d maintained the tizzyness until twenty minutes later when we were cutting through the parking lot to the bus stop.  I’d pulled him aside for a make out session./// a tizzy? xD
11:44	Cyrix	a tizzy is the best word? xD aw. So cute.
11:45	Cyrix	//I kept my t-shirt and underwear on from yesterday and I went without a bra, pulling on a white sweater with too-long sleeves and a wide collar that left my shoulders bare./// she propably has not much around on the chest like me too. I know from some friends that its impossible for them to wear anything without a bra at all.
11:47	Cyrix	//“You’re not wrong,” Jessica Yamada said.  I stared out over the water.  There was something sinister at play with the team./// Right! The banana throwing end of last chapter.
11:48	Cyrix	// It drew the attention of bystanders, in a ‘look at that, how cool’ way./// invisible hands crushing the railing would be less cool, granted.
11:49	Cyrix	//“Telling you would be telling you who,” Jessica said.  “Which, unfortunately, would be betraying confidence.”/// huh?
11:50	Cyrix	//“Keep in mind that hindsight might distort the picture with your sister.  It’s easy to look back and think things were better or worse than they were.”/// thanks jessica!
11:50	Cyrix	//“Don’t lose sight of how replaying events in your head to such excruciating detail might distort the picture, as will gathering all of those like memories together.”/// thanks jessica!
11:51	Cyrix	//“I would if I knew there was a danger to any involved,” Jessica said.  “I would also have to disclose if required by law – a muddy thing these days, with the world hanging in suspension while the laws are being written.”/// thats somewhat reasuring in the immediate sense but overall kinda clear as mud.
11:54	Cyrix	//“Yes, Victoria.  You’re one of several.  Some are waiting until the group is more visible, people in the Wardens will reach out and coordinate, they know where your group originated and that I’m concerned about where it may go.”/// thats reasuring but I also kinda dislike the secrecy and secret contigencies about vague things like 'where the group is going
11:54	Cyrix	'
11:54	Cyrix	its just... I dunno. Feels a tad iffy.
11:57	Cyrix	//“Yeah,” I said.  “I guess I would.”  She took a bite of her sandwich, diplomatically avoiding saying something.  “Yeah,” I said.  “I hear you.”/// I kinda feel like Vicky might carol here and bury herself in work.
12:02	Cyrix	//I wondered if I’d actually woken her up, and if she’d actually heard me./// I just imagined her half falling out of her bed, crosseyed and supertired. xD
12:05	Cyrix	//It was paranoia over preserving the raw denim and bringing out any dye that regular wearing hadn’t already worn away, maybe, but I’d spent a week’s pay on the jeans./// she really like the word paranoia. substitutes concern/care/attention with it. The podcast is probs picking up on that. I was want to point out that 'para'noia had me smiling in the 'para'h
12:05	Cyrix	uman context
12:06	Cyrix	// A year after I had gone to the hospital, my mom had donated just about all of my clothes to charity./// wtf carol?
12:09	Cyrix	I mean - on the surface level I get it. There was not much hope for a recovery etc. But - "ablative layers" is something which describes carol very well. But that method of coping is really really hurting the people around her. At this point I think we need to know and get an understanding of carol to really decipher the pellham household.
12:09	Cyrix	errr
12:09	Cyrix	dallon
12:11	Cyrix	//It hadn’t been like she’d needed the room.  Dad had moved out by then, I was gone, my sister was gone.  It had been… her ripping off her own band-aid, by giving away my treasures./// yeah, I guess. But still wtf Carol.
12:13	Cyrix	No wonder carol tries to have an eye on her family/control what they do. She herself rips bandaids off in an effor to cope - but while this may work fairly well for her/her career/the non emotional aspects - it really send her tumblig and flailing with the people close to her/her family.
12:13	Cyrix	And then she tries to compensate by being controlling - manouvering people around to a position she thinks things should be going from her own skewed point of view.
12:17	Cyrix	It isnt like she doesn't care - but it comes from a wrong place. She doesnt altruistically care about someone else - she might be hurt herself without realizing and always thinks about/cares about others through a lense that helps herself more then the other one. She rationalizes it very well though.
12:18	Cyrix	//I rotated in the air a few times over the course of what might have been twenty minutes, letting the water pour over me.  I didn’t open my eyes once for the duration, and I didn’t feel like I might fall asleep./// that callback to the scion scene in the end - that was a powerful image for readers of worm at least.
12:21	Cyrix	victoria is just so terribly lonely.  She really needs a confidant like her sister back in her life. But thats kinda hard to achieve if the mere thought of her sister sends her up a tree.
12:21	Cyrix	brb cooking!
12:42	Shemetz	which callback to the scion scene?
12:44		*** Druza joined #LetsReadWard
13:16	Cyrix	back!
13:16	Cyrix	when he was about to be shot by Foil @Shemetz
13:17	Shemetz	which part in *here* is the callback?
13:17	Cyrix	victoria having her knees pulled to her and rotating in the air?
13:18	Shemetz	...I'm going to need to reread Speck again
13:18	Cyrix	yes
13:18	Cyrix	//I wanted to argue the point so badly, and I was too tired to do it.  A passionate debate about powers, identities and costumes with Jessica, outside of the bounds of a therapy session?  It would have been great./// yes please!
13:19	Cyrix	//“There’s going to be a war,” I said.  “Rain is going to be swept up in it, if he hasn’t already.  They’re hoping to kill him in the chaos.  The others might be swept up in it.”/// I dont think this is the war thats really concerning tbh. Whole alternate earths are about to get into a war - a skirmish with the fallen on the other hand. That might be bad on
13:19	Cyrix	a personal level but I don't think this is were the story hits a bottom quite yet.
13:25	Cyrix	brb door >.<
13:32	Cyrix	back!
13:39	Cyrix	//“Will you be swept up in it?  Do you want to stretch your wings and flex your powers?”  “I don’t want to flex my powers,” I said. /// I dont know if I buy that.
13:40	Cyrix	She doesnt want to be reminded of her trauma - but it isn't like she doesnt like her powers.
13:40	Shemetz	it is, I think
13:40	Cyrix	you think she dislikes her powers?
13:40	Shemetz	She previously tried fighting without her power, during several fights
13:40	Cyrix	only without the forcefield iirc?
13:40	Shemetz	without the force field, and with only using her emotion aura occasionaly
13:40	Cyrix	she did seem to come to embrace flying though?
13:41	Shemetz	True, but she did say she barely flew in the last 2 years
13:41	Cyrix	yeah - my point is that its very selective what she doesnt like and its very specific why she doesnt like that one selected aspect.
13:41	Shemetz	okay, so she still doesn't want to flex her powers
13:41	Cyrix	not in the sense that ashley would want to do, yeah
13:42	Cyrix	//“And Chris?”  “I don’t even know.  I plan to keep a close eye on him, because I haven’t figured him out and he doesn’t seem like he wants to share any of himself, which makes me worry.  I’ll see if I can figure out what to do.”/// I like those worries
13:42	Cyrix	I think they echo that of many readers too
13:44	Cyrix	//I shook my head.  “Everything wears on me.  Eating and sleeping wear on me.  Stepping back wouldn’t do me any good.  I’ll call your colleague.  Do what I can.”/// hm. I read it, I sorta get it intellectually. But I don't feel it? No idea why but - lets say compared to what happend with rain and erin Victorias situation leaves me a tad uninvested in it all
13:45	Cyrix	despite it all. The whole thing with Gallant might play a role? To me those memories are kinda dorky and sweet - but compared to love losts thing they dont really evoke the same kind of emotion.
13:46	Cyrix	or - not the same emotion obviously. But they do not have the same kid of emotional depth/investment with them then even some minor characters have.
13:47	Cyrix	I think this is deliberate - Victoria comes from a more sheltered background after all.
13:48	Cyrix	But everytime there is a scene that ought to make me feel for her I am often just kinda: "yeah, okay. That is kinda sad I guess but I dont get why it is so crippling for you."
13:49	Cyrix	I dunno. I think its mostly just me being an unfeeling idiot. I dunno.
13:50	Cyrix	//“We’ll talk again soon,” she said, without breaking the hug.  I nodded./// you'd better!
13:51	Cyrix	//I hadn’t worked out what I was doing in regard to Rain.  /// is that regards or regard?
13:52	Cyrix	//“Bye,” I said, my voice not all there because I was a little choked up.  I couldn’t wholly pin down why./// thing like that make me think the whole situation I described above with not really being able to connect with victoria emotionally really come back here to me and make me think it is deliberate.
13:53	Cyrix	vicky doesnt know why she feels like she feels here and what she is missing - she is out of sync with her own self? to me as the reader it seems clear she misses a confidant - someone in her life she can trust unequivocally without any hint of paranoia.
13:54	Cyrix	That she refuses to address this issue and the person who cleaved that wound in the first place - the whole amy thing - makes it kinda frustrating to read at times.
13:55	Cyrix	its like the emotional connection thing with her is teetering on the fringe of the real issues - but by not getting into them it is difficult to build a connection with Victoria.
13:56	Cyrix	//“Go to sleep,” I said.  The computers went dark./// this reminds me of puppies that always perk up when you enter the room or get even tangibly close to the food.
13:59	Cyrix	//I created seven folders, one for myself and one for each of the six members of the team, and began copying files over to each, where relevant./// use pureref!
14:00	Cyrix	//“You said war,” he said.  “Not a battle?”  “I think it matters more,” I said.  “There are other places.  They’ll follow suit.  The entire city might change course, depending on what happens.”/// hm. Thats a good point.
14:04	Cyrix	//“Cool jeans,” she said, without turning./// of course Kenzie notices.
14:05	Cyrix	I - Kinda think I dont go into a whole really long kenzie paragraph about propper image and kenzies obsession with it again. xD
14:06	Cyrix	//“We were talking, thinking I’d pay a visit,” Chris said.  “Keep them on their toes.”/// someones eager to flex their power.
14:07	Cyrix	//Tristan said something Spanish under his breath and went to his whiteboard.  Swear words, if I had to guess./// I am pretty sure Mad Anxiety is one of those powers were victoria will be wtf'ed out again xD
14:08	Cyrix	//“Oh, Victoria, I bought some energy drinks if you want them.  And I have a thermos of a coffee my dad and mom really like.”/// kenzie loading up on stimulants to pull long nights?
14:08	Cyrix	not yet concerning per se - but something to keep an eye on.
14:09	Cyrix	"“I don’t want a wig,” Ashley said, to Sveta.  “I’m saying, if you cut your hair-”  “If.”" xD
14:09		Cyrix grabs popcorn
14:10	Cyrix	//“I realize you’re wearing a wig and you have the capacity to pound someone’s face in or dangle them off the side of a building.  They’ll learn to respect you if you make them,” Ashley said./// shes kinda cute in how few and predictable her points of reference go for making a point in a conversation.
14:10	Cyrix	Kinda sad too.
14:10	Cyrix	But in a situation like this I choose to enjoy it
14:11	Cyrix	// I don’t have the manual dexterity or hand strength to use a weapon, I can’t punch them without damaging my hands. /// wow. I didnt realize her hands were that fragile.
14:12	Cyrix	riley seemed to have to compromise heavily in durability to make them more human sized.
14:12	Cyrix	or its deliberate to keep ashley on a short leash
14:12	Cyrix	probs something in the middle between those two points.
14:12	Cyrix	//“I have some images on my computer,” I said.  “Hair and eye makeup, some costume related.”  “Show me?” Ashley asked./// yes. Lest do that kinda stuff forever.
14:13	Cyrix	Did I mention that I spend like - 10 hours of 15 hours playime in rpgs in the character editor? xD
14:15	Cyrix	//“Swansong,” she said.  “If I go with the white costume.”/// wow ashley! thats perfect. Also really dark.
14:15	Cyrix	but thats kind of to be expected with you
14:16	Cyrix	I love that one. Really well done. The really loud sound your power makes when you turn someone into a red smear is certainly a 'swansong'.
14:16	Cyrix	But on the surface without useing your power its also a pretty name that goes really well with the white/black colour scheme
14:17	Cyrix	//“I like bad omens,” Ashley said./// so corny xD
14:17	Cyrix	//“Rain’s nearby.  He wants to know if he can bring Erin.”/// I feel like Erin might be the late arrival to the team kinda like imp was or Mary.
14:19	Cyrix	//“Yesterday was hard on him,” Tristan said.  “And… Coño, it was his night last night.”  “His night?” I asked./// yeah cono! I wanted to read that one too!  I mentioned really early on that I think he might be the one who set the fire/caused the stampede at the mall? I wanted to get a look inside his head before the trigger changed him.
14:19	Cyrix	To know how much it changed his personality.
14:20	Cyrix	//“It’s always hard.”  “Sounds like a good dream to me,” Chris said. Tristan picked up an eraser from by the nearest whiteboard and threw it at Chris./// also throw the whiteboard while you are at it. xD
14:21	Cyrix	//“Like the wig idea,” Sveta said.  Ashley sighed./// Sveta likes wigs! should not have started that ashley xD
14:22	Cyrix	//Erin walked from the side door to Kenzie, but ninety-five percent of her attention was on Rain and me.  I hadn’t quite seen her like this./// well, if erin researched the falllen and I am sure she did then she also knew they were once in brockton bay - that in turn might explain why she did know glory girl on sight.
14:23	Cyrix	She also knows that victorias opinion is important for rain - and I think she might think its important too herself. That victoria knows more about the fallen due to her hometown - and that she might be good measuring stick as to what to expect from someone if you tell them you are with the fallen.
14:25	Cyrix	//I didn’t like the Fallen.  They scared the shit out of me. /// taylor would have never admitted to something like this so freely. Being scared shitless.
14:25	Cyrix	And the fallen are really really ugly.
14:25	Cyrix	kinda curious if mother mathers can see everything/take in everything when she appears in someones vision.
14:26	Cyrix	if yes than its really dangerous for rain to be here. with the whiteboards all up etc.
14:26	Shemetz	I'm pretty certain that Brockton Bay is barely related to the Fallen like that
14:26	Cyrix	I think I mixed them up with the teeth
14:26	Shemetz	Valefor and Eligos were only there for 1 arc, were beaten and thrown out, and GG was a blob even before that
14:26	Cyrix	though valefor/maggoteyes did show up
14:27	Cyrix	yeah
14:27	Cyrix	hm
14:27	Shemetz	yeah, teeth were a bit more prominent, with Butcher
14:27	Cyrix	and they squabbled with marquis back when?
14:27	Cyrix	I think that was the case anyhow
14:27	Shemetz	ah, that's probably true!
14:28	Cyrix	//“There’s Prancer to account for too,” I said, releasing Rain’s wrist, approaching, “He’s had a day to think about what we’re doing and a day to get countermeasures in place.  He reassured his friends that he had a handle on this.  Let’s prove him wrong.”/// yeah. lets get stuff moving.
14:28	Cyrix	Nice chapter - I kinda want things to start moving tbh.
14:29	Cyrix	5 arcs in I think is good enough for some external stuff to start moving/happening