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  1. hotsauce presents:
  2.  
  3. Twi and Me
  4.  
  5. With Twilight’s help I eased myself painfully down onto her couch. Nurse Mercy back in the Ponyville Clinic had done a great job with the bandaging but the wound in my side, although well on the way to healing, was still throbbing painfully and I’d run out of the little candy-shaped painkillers that I’d been given. Luckily, there was an open bottle of dandelion wine on the coffee table, and I reached across and took the bottle gratefully.
  6.  
  7. “Oh, you’re not going to drink, are you?” The little unicorn looked on in concern as I poured myself a glass of the wine with a grimace. “Nurse Mercy said you shouldn’t drink alcohol until you’re feeling better!”
  8.  
  9. “Look Twi,” I said, pausing to knock back a quick mouthful. The warm, sweet liquor was already doing me more good than all the pain-killers I’d taken. “I got hit by a manticore’s tail – I think I’m going to have a drink to celebrate the fact I’m not dead – Nurse Mercy be damned!”
  10.  
  11. Twi giggled at my swearing, but then her face filled with remorse. “It’s all my fault. We never should have gone into the Everfree forest! I almost got you killed.”
  12.  
  13. I smiled at her and shook my head. “It wasn’t your fault, Twi. You were just trying to help me. And if you hadn’t reached me in time, I’d be in a lot worse shape than just having a bunch of puncture marks in my side!”
  14.  
  15. “What in Equestria are you talking about?” Twi frowned. “You leaped in front of me!”
  16.  
  17. “Nah, I was just trying to run past you. You see, I didn’t have to outrun the manticore, I just had to outrun you!” I winked at her to let her know that I was joking. Twi was not great with picking up even the most obvious jokes, so you had to be careful.
  18.  
  19. Twi giggled. She had a throaty, gentle little laugh that you didn’t hear that often. I’d been trying to get her to loosen up a little, and it seemed to be working. But she was still obsessed with returning me to the human world after I had been brought here by accident through one of her spells.
  20.  
  21. “Aren’t you going to join me?” I asked, waggling the bottle in front of her face. “I can’t possibly drink the whole bottle all by myself in my weakened condition!”
  22.  
  23. Twi eyed it with longing. “Oh, don’t tease me! You know I’ve sworn off alcohol.”
  24.  
  25. It was true – she had. For she had been drunk when she’d cast the spell that had accidentally dragged me into Equestria rather than the sample of extra-dimensional plant life she had intended. She’d been collecting plants from the various universes that bordered on Equestria and it was usually a simple thing to bring a sample through a small portal that she’d open up. But around a month ago, after a few too many shots of vanilla-lemon vodka with Pinkie and Rarity, Twi had come home and thrown herself back into her work – and instead of a sample of plant life, it was me who had ended up getting sucked through the portal into Equestria.
  26.  
  27. I’d been here for a few months now. Of course, after trying all the magic she knew, Twilight had taken me to see Princess Celestia – but the news hadn’t been good. The Princess had told us that although drawing things into Equestria was quite straightforward, there was no easy way to send things back to their own universe. Apparently, and here’s where the explanation became a bit hard for me to follow, the universes keep moving around at random and predicting which one will be closest to Equestria at any given moment is well-nigh impossible. And so I was stuck here. I’d moped around for about a week, as you might expect, worrying about my family and friends back on Earth, but slowly I’d adapted to life here in Equestria. Having to be vegetarian and also eat dessert three times a day wasn’t all that bad, and the ponies were pretty cool. They’d welcomed me with open arms – er, forelegs – and here in Ponyville there weren’t any essays to write, exams to sit, or other pointless, mundane crap like that that had filled my pretty-disappointing-overall life back on Earth.
  28.  
  29. And so I’d started to enjoy living here, and more and more I was wanting Twi not to find a way to get me back home. But the stubborn little pony refused to be diverted from her latest project and she spent day and night obsessing about it, although recently I’d managed to get her to take breaks from her experimentation and research – but she always seemed to somehow find a way to involve her work with whatever little activity I’d dragged her off to.
  30.  
  31. Our ill-fated little walk through the pleasant, flower-filled meadows around Fluttershy’s tree-house was the latest example. I’d been getting Twi to tell me the names of the all the different birds and insects and plants that we encountered – I knew she loved showing off her knowledge, and spending time outdoors in the endless sunshiny days of an Equestria spring was much more fun than being stuck in her laboratory and watching her fill test tubes with strange colored chemicals in a seemingly endless succession. Equestrian flora and fauna overlapped with ours in a lot of ways, but there was often some strange, punny aspect to them. As we walked together through the meadows fields we found buttercups that in Equestria taste like real butter (they were Twi’s favorite, and she’d finally cajoled me into trying some, and they’d been creamy and delicious), sunflowers that shone so brightly with their own light that you could barely stand to look at them, snapdragons that snapped at you when you tried to pick them, and so at last I decided to try picking some daisies instead, and having found them to be just the same as the ones you get back on earth, I made a little bouquet of them and surprised Twi with them.
  32.  
  33. “For me?” she’d cried in delight, taking the bouquet in her mouth and straight away starting to eat it. “How did you know daisies are my favorite?”And as I watched her happily chewing on them, I suddenly realized I was in love with the little, lavender-colored pony.
  34.  
  35. I guess I’d been trying to fight the feelings for a good while now. When I’d first come to Equestria, I’d been a little freaked out by all the talking ponies and dragons and so on, but you’d be amazed how quickly you get used to things. And the ponies were adorable, with their big eyes and cheerful faces, their ability to talk and their human mannerisms, and their round little bodies that seemed like they were made from marshmallow. They were quite unlike real ponies or horses, except for odd times such as this one, with Twi munching on the bouquet just like a real pony would, a single white petal she’d missed sticking to her lip. But it was one thing to think of them as people, and quite another to fall in love with one.
  36.  
  37. As we walked through those flowery meadows, the gentle buzzing of bees in our ears, the glittery spring sun setting the little brooks that we hopped over into streams of tiny diamonds, my heart became filled with increasing panic.
  38.  
  39. I was in love with Twilight Sparkle! And she probably saw me as nothing much more than another interesting sample from an alternate universe, or even worse –
  40.  
  41. A friend!
  42.  
  43. Twi had been watching me for a while now as I’d looked downcast. But she, in her own little way, completely misinterpreted the reason for my sudden dejection. Twi was like that. She wasn’t good at understanding emotions, especially the emotions of others. I guess it was that variety of naivety that so often goes hand in hand with genius.
  44.  
  45. And so she walked up to me and getting up on her hind legs she placed a forehoof on my shoulder and said, with sisterly concern, “I promise I’ll do everything I can to get you back home.”
  46.  
  47. I looked at her, and the soft kindness of her big violet eyes filled my heart with a terrifying mixture of longing and anxiety. But then I saw them sparkle with sudden intensity.
  48.  
  49. “Oh, I’ve just had an amazing idea!” cried Twi. “Follow me!” And without further ado she started to trot off in the direction of the Everfree Forest.
  50.  
  51. I just stood there. “Wait, Twilight! What idea? What are you talking about?”
  52.  
  53. Twi stopped and looked back at me with exasperation. “We’re going to go to the Temple of the Two Sisters! Don’t you remember that Princess Celestia said that only the most ancient of all ancient magic could get you home? And there’s sure to be something there – some clue, some object, something! – that can help us.”
  54.  
  55. Great. Another quiet little moment together ruined. I didn’t want to seem unthankful, though, so I masked the feelings of sudden disappointment that welled up in me with the thought of leaving Equestria, and I ran to catch up with her.
  56.  
  57. But we’d never reached the temple, and instead had met up with a manticore – not the kind-hearted one that Fluttershy had tamed, but a vicious and terrifying predator that we’d just barely escaped from with our lives.
  58.  
  59. After jumping in front of its mighty tail and taking the blow that had been intended for Twilight, I’d fallen on the ground, dazed and in terrible pain, with just enough life left in me to watch in awe and amazement as the manticore was flung through the air as if by a mighty invisible hand, all through the desperate power of Twi’s magic. And then, slipping in and out of consciousness, blood pouring from my side, Twi had carried me out of the forest on her back. We were closer to Ponyville than to Zecora’s hut, which was deep in the centre of the forest, so it was in the Ponyville Clinic that I’d woken up several hours later, Nurse Mercy and a concerned and remorseful Twilight at my side.
  60.  
  61. But that was yesterday, and now I was sitting on her couch, drinking dandelion wine, and feeling much, much better. But Twi was just as remorseful as she had been when I’d first woken from my daze.
  62.  
  63. “I’m so sorry I brought you here, away from all your friends and your family,” she said. “And that awful injury. It’s all my fault!” She looked down at her hooves. “You must… hate me.”
  64.  
  65. I laughed, and at the sound Twi raised her face again and looked at me in confusion. “Oh Twi, I don’t hate you! I –” But of course I didn’t say what I felt. My heart did a somersault, and panicking I found myself babbling instead: “You’re… you’re an awesome friend and… and I really, really like you! As a friend, I mean.”
  66.  
  67. Oh god. Had I really just said all that crap?
  68.  
  69. But Twi didn’t seem put off by my pathetic ramblings – in fact, she seemed pleased. Her look of misery had brightened into a smile and her shoulder had slumped in relief. “Really? You think of me as a friend?”
  70.  
  71. I nodded lamely. Well, that was the end of that! I poured myself another glass of dandelion wine, but as I did I suddenly saw a second glass floating in the air before me, held in place by a magenta glow.
  72.  
  73. I looked at Twi and she smiled back in embarrassment. “I guess I will have a drink after all.”
  74.  
  75. I chuckled as I poured her a substantial glass of the fiery liquor. “You definitely deserve it, Twi. That was some amazing magic out there!”
  76.  
  77. Twi’s ears went back and she blushed. “…thank you,” she replied. Then her ears perked up again and she looked at me with glittering eyes. “You were pretty amazing too, you know. I know some big burly stallions that wouldn’t try and face up to a manticore like you did!”
  78.  
  79. “I think it was just foolishness rather than bravery,” I replied.
  80.  
  81. Twi looked at me with a frown. “Foolishness?”
  82.  
  83. I blinked then quickly corrected myself. Twi wasn’t great with irony either. “Yeah, OK. I guess I was pretty brave.”
  84.  
  85. Twi nodded. “You were. It was just luck that it was a glancing blow – that manticore could easily have killed you.” She took another drink from her floating glass and flew it back over to me for a refill, and I was more than happy to oblige. I love drinking at the best of times, but drinking with a pretty girl who’s not afraid to meet you drink for drink is even better – don’t you agree? And unlike most human girls, Twi could actually hold her liquor without getting sleepy and collapsing. In fact, the liquor made her talkative and upbeat, quite different from her usual phlegmatic self.
  86.  
  87. Unlike the other little ponies in Ponyville, Twi was genuinely interested in my stories about the human world. I regaled her with my knowledge of science, only some of which was applicable to the world of Equestria. For example, for them the sun revolved around their planet and the seasons were the result of… you guessed it! Magic. I explained to Twi about how our world revolved around the sun and how the tilt of the globe on its axis was what brought about our seasons. She sat there, riveted – and I laughed to myself that this was the first time in my life that my knowledge of science had been useful in keeping a girl entertained.
  88.  
  89. “So your Earth is essentially an entire planet like the Everfree Forest?” Her eyes were wide with amazement. “Life on your world must be so dangerous, what with all the monsters roaming around everywhere.”
  90.  
  91. I chuckled. “There aren’t really any monsters on Earth. I mean, we used to have dinosaurs – big lizard things not much different from dragons – but they all got wiped out. I guess you could say that the only monsters left on the Earth now are us humans. But some people still believe in them – I mean, believe in werewolves and vampires and stuff like that…” I suddenly laughed. “You know, Twi, I’m so glad that the first thing that pops into my head now when I hear the name Twilight is your face, and not those lame sparkly vampires…”
  92.  
  93. Twi paused mid-sip and frowned. “What do you mean, ‘sparkly vampires’?”
  94.  
  95. “Er, well…” I didn’t really want to get involved in an in-depth explanation. “There was a series of novels called ‘Twilight’ that were pretty popular for a while in the human world. They had these lame sparkly vampires in them that...”
  96.  
  97. Twi snorted. “You know there’s no such thing as vampires, right? I’ve no idea why anypony would want to read about things that aren’t real. It seems such a waste of time to me.”
  98.  
  99. “Just for fun, I guess,” I replied, shrugging. I started kicking myself that the conversation had gone in this direction. Twi had been getting all worked up over the science and now she was on the defensive and about to start on one of her rants.
  100.  
  101. “Made up stuff isn’t fun!” Twi rolled her eyes. “Statistics and graphs and facts – now they’re fun!” She raised her head and with her horn glowing she levitated down a huge book from high up on of her bookshelves. Written on the spine was ‘The Encyclopaedia Equestria Book of Facts’, and as she opened it I saw the subtitle on the front cover: ‘They’re Totally Fun!’
  102.  
  103. “So what should I look up?” she asked excitedly.
  104.  
  105. I shrugged. “Uh, I dunno – how about manticores?”
  106.  
  107. The little unicorn muttered as she flipped through the book rapidly and cried out when she found what she was looking for.
  108.  
  109. “Aha! Here we are.” She cleared her throat and started to recount the fun fact she’s discovered. “The spines in a manticore’s tail are covered in a venom containing an anticoagulant, which makes wounds inflicted by them bleed for days afterwards.” She crinkled her muzzle. “Eew, that’s actually kind of gross.” She looked at my bandaged side. “And it makes me feel even worse about what happened.”
  110.  
  111. “It’s definitely an interesting fact though,” I chuckled, brightening up. Maybe facts could be fun! “Here, pass me the book.”
  112.  
  113. Twi hopped up onto the couch and lay down so that she could read the book alongside me. Her eyes were glued to my hands as I flipped through the pages rapidly looking for another fun fact.
  114.  
  115. “It must be useful having those… hands,” Twi sighed. “It can be pretty exhausting having to use magic to move everything around all the time…”
  116.  
  117. “How about those poor Earth ponies?” I said.
  118.  
  119. Twi looked thoughtful. “Well yes. But Earth ponies are much stronger than unicorns.”
  120.  
  121. “Well, it says here that Earth ponies are usually three times as strong as unicorns!”
  122.  
  123. “Really? Oh, let me see! Let me see!” She scooshed herself up closer to look over my shoulder and I suddenly felt the softness of her coat where her foreleg was brushing against my upper arm. She was so near to me now that I could smell her usual scent of vanilla and lavender. It was from the soap that Twi used, and for a long time now I’d associated her with the smell.
  124.  
  125. As we read together, taking turns looking up more and more ludicrous and little-known facts, she kept pouring drink after drink, and we soon getting pretty tipsy. A lot of the ‘fun facts’ were suddenly a lot more fun than they would ordinarily have been, and the entry on the mating-dance of dragons had us in hysterics.
  126.  
  127. Tears were running down Twilight’s face. “Oh, we have to show Rarity this! She’ll never look at Spike the same way again! Who knew that dragons did all that?!”
  128.  
  129. As I caught my breath I said “Aw, don’t do that to the poor little guy! He’d never live it down.”
  130.  
  131. Twilight wiped her eyes with her forehooves. “I guess you’re right.” She turned and floating a newly opened bottle of wine across to us she freshened our glasses.
  132.  
  133. I took mine out of the air and glanced over it at the smiling little unicorn who was already taking gulps of wine in between giggles. “Miss Sparkle, are you trying to get me drunk?”
  134.  
  135. Twilight took the glass from her lips, her cheeks suddenly flushing red. “Why… why would I be trying to do that?”
  136.  
  137. “I’ve absolutely no idea. But lucky for you I like being drunk!” I said, taking another mouthful of the wine.
  138.  
  139. Twi’s eyes flickered over my face but didn’t linger anywhere for long, and I noticed her trying to hide a nervous little smile. “Why don’t we read a little bit more?” she suggested.
  140.  
  141. “What should we look up now?” I asked. “We’ve already read about the terrible secret behind sea-serpent facial hair, the reason why griffons and ponies hate each other and that strange case of the oatmeal that made all those ponies in Hoofington go crazy…”
  142.  
  143. Twi’s eyes flashed. “Oh, ponies and griffons! That reminds me.” I was holding the book and so she leaned across me to read it as she flipped the pages looking for the entry she was interested in. I felt my heart beat faster as she rubbed against me, but suddenly she found the page she was looking for and sat back on her half of the sofa.
  144.  
  145. I looked down at the page. “Hippogriffs?”
  146.  
  147. Twi nodded.
  148.  
  149. I read the entry. “It says that the hippogriff is the foal of a griffon and a pony produced with the aid of magic.” I scratched my head. “I never knew about that.”
  150.  
  151. “But don’t you think it’s amazing that two species that are so different can actually fall in love?” Her violet eyes searched my face.
  152.  
  153. “Well, it is pretty amazing. And actually kind of adorable if you think about it.”
  154.  
  155. Twilight clopped her hooves together. “Oh, it is, isn’t it! Let’s have another drink…”
  156.  
  157. I was already quite drunk now, but Twi kept levitating the dandelion wine over and topping up my glass. I was at that point when you stop being able to judge how much you’ve had to drink already, and I took another sip, turned to Twi and looked at her.
  158.  
  159. She’d had a few drinks too by now – she hadn’t quite been meeting me drink for drink, but her cheeks were flushed and she was softly smiling as she shyly looked down at the glass floating before her face.
  160.  
  161. “Hey, you’re not tired are you?” I asked suddenly. I was worried that the evening was starting to come to an end just when we were starting to get close.
  162.  
  163. Twi didn’t look up and just shook her head.
  164.  
  165. I leaned over and looked up at her, but she turned her face away, and the flush from the liquor deepened into a blush on her cheeks. “I think I’ve had a bit too much to drink,” she whispered.
  166.  
  167. “Aw, c’mon Twi. Let me see those gorgeous eyes of yours!” All that wine had made me braver, and with her body so close to mine I was gripped with a desperate need to see that face I’d fallen in love with.
  168.  
  169. “They’re not… gorgeous,” she said, still refusing to meet my gaze. “And my face feels all flushed. I must look terrible!”
  170.  
  171. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to look terrible,” I told her. I brought my hand to her face and lifted it up. She didn’t resist but just stared at me, her violet eyes glistening behind those long dark lashes.
  172.  
  173. “You… really think so?” she asked shyly.
  174.  
  175. I nodded. “You know, I’ve had a thing for you since the first time we met.”
  176. Twi frowned. “A ‘thing’ for me?”
  177.  
  178. I felt my heart beating faster. I guessed it was now or never! “You know – a crush!” I realized I had to tell her sooner or later. At least this way I’d get it all out of my system and not have it eating me away inside.
  179.  
  180. Her mouth became an O of surprise. “You have a crush… on me?” she said, pulling away.
  181.  
  182. “You’re not freaked out, are you, Twi?” I was gripped by a sudden panic that cut through my drunkenness. I’d forgotten that I was essentially a hairless ape in a world of magical little ponies, and I knew I must look strange to them. And strange was more or less the same thing as unattractive.
  183.  
  184. Twi didn’t reply, and just turned her face away.
  185.  
  186. “Twi?” I felt my heart like a dead weight of ice sink in my chest. I wanted to reach out to her and touch her, but my hand fell back. I knew my heart just wouldn’t be able to stand it if she recoiled from me at that moment.
  187.  
  188. But at last she turned back to look at me, and her eyes were glistening with the beginnings of tears.
  189.  
  190. “Twi? What’s wrong?”
  191.  
  192. “Why are you making fun of me?” she demanded, distraught. “I thought you were my friend!”
  193.  
  194. Did she really think I was making fun of her? I fought off my own tears. “I’d never do that to you, Twi,” I said. I slipped a hand onto her foreleg, and she looked down at it, but she made no move to pull away. “Is it really so hard to believe I’d have a crush on you?”
  195.  
  196. “You… you don’t think I’m ugly?” she asked. The glistening had become tears, and they rolled down her lavender cheeks and droplets, like diamonds, were trapped by her thick black lashes.
  197.  
  198. “Ugly? What are you talking about?”
  199.  
  200. “Weird then?” she said, her voice little more than a whisper. “An ugly, weird egghead?”
  201.  
  202. “Who’s called you that?” I was suddenly furious at the thought that someone could be so mean-spirited.
  203.  
  204. “Ponies… have,” she replied. “And it’s true. I’m a plain, boring egghead with a fat rump who nopony would ever want,” Her tears were falling onto the couch now. “I’ve never… even had a coltfriend before. I guess stallions just find a mare who’s interested in reading and books a bit too boring to want to date.” Her eyes closed in pain. “I mean, I’m no Fluttershy. I can be pretty tetchy at times, and I guess that scares a lot of guys off. And nopony wants a girlfriend who’s uses big words.”
  205.  
  206. “Who told you that garbage?” I demanded.
  207.  
  208. “Rainbow Dash,” she replied.
  209.  
  210. “Rainbow Dash giving you advice about stallions?” I snorted. “I think you can discount anything she says, Twi. I bet it was Rainbow Dash who said that you were an egghead as well.” I reached over and slipped my arms around her. She flinched, but didn’t move away, so I pulled her towards me and hugged her. “You’re none of those things,” I told her. “You’re funny, you’re… well, you’re smart, but I wouldn’t call you an egghead. Eggheads are supposed to be boring, and you’re easily the most interesting individual I’ve ever met.”
  211.  
  212. “You… really think so?” She rested head on my shoulder. It was soft and warm, and I could feel the hot wetness of a tear-filled eye against my cheek.
  213.  
  214. “Really,” I replied. “But most of all, you’re beautiful, Twi. I don’t think you realize how beautiful you are.”
  215.  
  216. She pulled out of my arms and slid across the couch away from me. “Please stop saying those things. I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
  217.  
  218. I shook my head. Seeing her so fragile, so vulnerable, so unlike her usual, stubborn, opinionated self was breaking my heart. “I’d never lie to you to make you feel better. You’d be able to tell straight away if I was.”
  219.  
  220. Twi looked at me. “But why do you think I’m beautiful? I look just like one of those animal-ponies you told me about from your universe that spend the entire day eating grass and neighing and pooping and…”
  221.  
  222. “Animal-ponies?” I chuckled. “I never met a pony in my universe that I could sit on a couch beside and drink with and have fun with and fall in…” I stopped before I said too much.
  223.  
  224. “But… why don’t you like somepony like Rarity then?” she asked. “Or Fluttershy? They’re so much more beautiful than me…”
  225.  
  226. “Are you going to make me say it, Twi?” I closed my eyes for a moment in pain. “It’s those eyes of yours, Twi. That look you get in them sometimes when you’re talking about stuff you love. And your… well, your mane,” I went red. I’d never sweet talked a girl by praising her mane before, and it did feel weird. But it was true. Those bangs made her look totally adorable, the real ‘sexy librarian’ type, but it also showed how naïve she was, and I found that innocence about her maddening.
  227.  
  228. “You like… my mane?” Twi sniffed – she wasn’t crying anymore. “Nopony’s ever told me… that they liked my mane before. Don’t you think it’s a totally unfashionable cut? I mean, it’s nowhere near as gorgeous as Rarity’s and…”
  229.  
  230. “Let Rarity have that wavy mane of hers!” I snorted. “Your cut suits you, Twi. I can’t imagine your mane any other way. Besides, I think it’s adorable. You’re… adorable.”
  231.  
  232. Twi looked up at me shyly. At long last she seemed to believe what I was saying, and her mouth opened – but no words came out. She stared at me like that for several heartbeats and then all of sudden a stream of words exploded out of her in a rush.
  233.  
  234.  
  235. “IthinkIhavea crushonyoutoo!” she babbled, and as soon as she finished she turned away, her face crimson.
  236.  
  237. “Wait, Twi – you do?” I felt my heart leap in my chest.
  238.  
  239. “I… at least I think that’s what this feeling is,” she said. “I’ve been trying to look it up in books, but everything written about love is so confusing! It’s just that I… when you’re not around I… I just can’t stop thinking about what you’re doing. And when… when you were helping Applejack fix the barn that time, I realized I was jealous.”
  240.  
  241. “But… why?” I realized that my self-doubt was probably pretty unattractive, but it didn’t seem to worry her. I guess she shared those same feelings and understood what I meant.
  242.  
  243. “You’re the first guy who I’ve been able to talk with without dumbing down what I’ve been saying,” she explained. “And… and you stand up to me, too. Remember the time when we arguing about rainbows? You kept on telling me that they’re caused by the – what was it again? – refraction of sunlight in water droplets and I was lecturing you on how they’re a diffusion of the original Light of Creation as it extends into our universe?”
  244.  
  245. “I remember,” I replied. “You got pretty angry at me, too.”
  246.  
  247. “Well, I was... but I was also, well…” She sighed. “It was just exciting to be able to talk about something like that with a boy for once. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the stallions in Equestria are not exactly the sharpest bunch.”
  248.  
  249. I nodded. Equestria was clearly a matriarchal society, where females were expected to do all the administration and thinking, leaving the males to do a lot of the physical labor. I guess it would be a novelty for Twi to be able to talk about these sorts of things.
  250.  
  251. “And… I… I love it when you use big words, like ‘zenith’, or ‘perihelion’. They make me feel all…” Her cheeks flushed. “…melty inside.”
  252.  
  253. As she sat there beside me, blushing hot, staring down at the couch, her forelegs tucked underneath her, I wanted to throw my arms around her right there and then. She really was the most adorkable thing I’d ever seen.
  254.  
  255. “But Twi… don’t I look weird to you, at all?” I still couldn’t believe that she would find what was essentially a bald ape attractive, no matter how big the words he used were.
  256.  
  257. “Well, I have to admit you are pretty unusual looking,” she said with her usual disarming honesty. But as soon as the words left her mouth her forehooves flew up to her mouth in horror. “I mean, for Equestria!” It came out in an apologetic rush. “I’m sure that in the human world…”
  258.  
  259. “Nah, I’ll admit it,” I chuckled. “I am pretty funny looking. Even back on Earth people called me funny looking.”
  260.  
  261. “Looks just aren’t important to me,” said Twi quickly. “I mean…. Oh Celestia, I didn’t mean to say that you’re ugl-” She looked down at her hooves and sighed in exasperation. “Oh, I always ruin everything! I… I just don’t know how to talk to boys. I…”
  262.  
  263. While she was still babbling I took her head in my hands and brought my face close to hers. “Just stop talking for a second, Twi,” I said.
  264.  
  265. Her eyes went suddenly wide in panic, and her mouth opened into an O, but she didn’t move away. “Are… are you going to kiss me?” she asked.
  266.  
  267. I smiled. “That’s what I was intending to do, yes.”
  268.  
  269. “I’ve never really kissed anypony before…” she began to say but I’d already brought my face against hers, and she shut her eyes tight and went slack in my arms as I moved my lips against her own – firm but soft, and warm… and as they parted I could taste her hot breath, syrupy and sweet with the dandelion wine.
  270.  
  271. I left them there for a few heartbeats, until she was used to the feeling of my skin against hers, and then I broke the kiss.
  272.  
  273. As soon as her lips were free she was talking again. “Did I do that right? It’s just that I’ve read so many books about how to kiss and everything but actually doing it is completely…”
  274.  
  275. I brought a finger up to her lips and she went silent.. “It’s not really something you can learn from a book, Twi,” I said with a chuckle. “But that was one hell of a kiss for a beginner!”
  276.  
  277. The corners of her mouth turned up into a pleased smile under my finger. “Oh, I’m so happy I did OK!”
  278.  
  279. I lay back on the couch and patted my lap. “Why don’t you put your head here for a little while?”
  280.  
  281. Twi didn’t need to be asked twice. She lay her head down on my lap, and she sighed as I started to stroke her mane. It felt just like a human girl’s hair, far softer than I’d expected. For a long time I enjoyed the sensation of letting it drift through my fingers, and then I ran my fingers over her muzzle like you would if you were petting a dog, and she seemed to like that a lot, closing her eyes and rubbing the side of her head against my stomach. I pet her past her horn and down her mane, then back across to her ears which were by now turned back in pleasure.
  282.  
  283. “Does that feel nice, Twi?” I asked.
  284.  
  285. She murmured, and I felt that sudden happy excitement you get when you’re with a girl and you realize that things are going to lead somewhere with her tonight. But could… could I actually do it with a pony?
  286.  
  287. I looked down at her body, her little forelegs curled up under her chest, her knees pressing against the side of my leg, and her sleek body all laid out along the couch, the gentle dip of her spine that lead up to her softly rounded rump with its tail flicking back and forth as I pet her. Her body was so pleasingly curved and feminine I felt myself getting hard, and I wondered if she would notice. As the kiss had proved, she was pretty inexperienced and I didn’t want to scare her off before things got interesting – I couldn’t stand the thought of slinking into my bed drunk and trying to beat off after everything that had happened.
  288.  
  289. “You… you smell really good,” she muttered into my lap, her eyes still closed. “You smell just like a stallion.”
  290.  
  291. “And you smell just like a human girl,” I said. It was true – she did. Underneath the lavender and vanilla sweetness there was that unmistakeable spicy scent of feminine excitement. Twi was obviously getting turned on.
  292.  
  293. “I… I guess we’re not really all that different after all,” said Twi philosophically.
  294.  
  295. “We even speak the same language!” I said.
  296.  
  297. Twi lifted her head up suddenly. “Yes, what’s with that?” She cocked her head as she often did when a thought took hold of her. “Even in Equestria there are different languages, so how does it happen that different DIMENSIONS speak the same language? It just doesn’t make any sense!”
  298.  
  299. I shrugged. “Maybe there’s an invisible bond between our two worlds or something. Isn’t that what you were investigating with your magic when you brought me here?”
  300.  
  301. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, putting her head back down. “I’m so, so sorry.”
  302.  
  303. “No, Twi,” I ran my hand along her mane. “It was the best thing that ever happened to me. If you hadn’t messed up that spell, we’d have never met and…” I closed my eyes. “I don’t think I can even stand thinking about that.”
  304.  
  305. “Me neither,” murmured Twi, snuggling her face into my lap.
  306.  
  307. We sat there together in silence for a while, me scratching her behind her ears and Twi just lying there with a dopey smile on her face, when suddenly she lifted her head and looked at me. Her cheeks had turned crimson and her violet eyes glistened.
  308.  
  309. “I wonder if-?” she began.
  310.  
  311. “Mmmm?” I asked, running my fingers down along her back.
  312.  
  313. “-if humans and ponies can… you know.” Twi, still blushing, avoided my gaze.
  314.  
  315. “I don’t know,” I replied. “I think so. Do you want to find out?”
  316.  
  317. Twi smothered her face back into my lap, as if trying to hide, but then I felt her nod. When she lifted up her face again, there was a sudden heat in her eyes. “Do you want to?”
  318.  
  319.  
  320. I nodded. “More than anything else in the world.”
  321.  
  322. Twi lifted her head off my lap and sat back on her rump, a nervous smile on her face. “I think… I think I want another glass of wine.” Her horn began to glow and the magical aura wreathing itself around the bottle which began to float across to us. But suddenly the aura flickered and the bottle would have fallen onto the floor if I hadn’t reached out instinctively and caught it. I was pretty drunk as well – but it was a lucky catch, and Twi clopped her forelegs together in delight.
  323.  
  324. “I think I should do the pouring from now on,” I said with a smile as I filled both our glasses.
  325.  
  326. Twi’s ears went back and she frowned. “My magic gets all… mixed up after I’ve had a few drinks. It’s so embarrassing!”
  327.  
  328. “I think you’re an adorable drunk, Twi,” I chuckled, taking another drink and Twi did the same, glancing at me over the lip of her glass as she drank – a little too fast! Some of the dandelion wine spilled onto her front, and she floated the glass away, giggling, as she pawed at her sticky chest with a forehoof.
  329.  
  330. “Oh, all this wine has definitely gone to my head, and I’m getting all hot.” She looked thoughtful. “I remember reading that alcohol increases the blood flow around the body. Maybe that’s why I’m getting hot all over the place.”
  331.  
  332. “I’m getting pretty hot too,” I said.
  333.  
  334. Twi looked at me. “Well, no wonder you’re hot. You insist on wearing those clothes all the time!”
  335.  
  336. “Humans don’t have as much fur as ponies, Twi,” I laughed. “We need clothes to keep us warm.”
  337.  
  338. “I want to see,” she said, suddenly moving closer to me.
  339.  
  340. “See what?”
  341.  
  342. “How much fur you have,” said Twi. “I’m curious.” She patted me on the chest with a forehoof.
  343.  
  344. “Oh – kay,” I said. No point arguing with a drunk unicorn! I unbuttoned my shirt and slipped out of it, throwing it over the back of the couch.
  345.  
  346. Twi brought a tentative forehoof to my chest and then started to stroke the hair on it. “It doesn’t feel so different from pony fur!” she remarked, fascinated.
  347.  
  348. “I think pony fur is a bit softer, actually,” I said. As she was stroking me, I slid my arm around her and ran my hand down her back, feeling the velvet-soft texture of her coat – and with a sudden sigh Twi fell into my arms, the side of her face flush against my chest, and I suddenly had that warm, fluffy softness against my bare skin – and the sensation was amazing.
  349.  
  350. I took her head in my hands and lifted it up, taking care to avoid the horn, and this time she moved into the kiss, her lips opening to accept my tongue. She was timid at first, letting me explore the inside of her mouth, running my tongue along her palate and her teeth, all of which were a little larger than I’d experienced kissing a human girl. But soon she grew bolder, and brought her tongue against mine, and Twi moaned breathlessly against my mouth.
  351.  
  352.  
  353. I broke the kiss, breathless, and looked up to see that Twi’s horn was softly glowing.
  354.  
  355. “Er, Twi… should your horn be doing that?” I asked.
  356.  
  357. Twi giggled. “My horn sometimes does that when I get a little… melty.”
  358.  
  359. It was the perfect chance for me to ask her something I’d wanted to for a long time, but never had the appropriate chance to. “Uh, Twi, does your horn… er, can you feel anything with it?”
  360.  
  361. She nodded. “It’s pretty sensitive actually. Every unicorn’s horn is. We use it to interact with the planet’s magic field after all.”
  362.  
  363. “That sounds pretty neat,” I said. “Um... do you mind if I touch it?”
  364.  
  365. She shook her head, blushing. “I… think I’d like you to.”
  366.  
  367. I ran my fingers up along her neck and over her ears until I finally gingerly touched the base of her horn. It was still faintly glowing with magic, and when I made contact with it I felt a mild electric shock travel up my fingers and as the magical aura grew a little brighter and expanded onto my hand there was a warm, tingling sensation. I curled my fingers around her horn and it felt warm, soft and alive – not at all like dead bone.
  368.  
  369. Twi began to pant a little, and I realized that making her feel this way was making me harder than steel. I began to rub her horn up and down a little, and then I leaned forward and brought my lips against her horn to kiss it. I jerked back a little at the initial shock, but as soon as I was used to it I slipped my tongue from between my lips and gave the horn a tentative lick.
  370.  
  371. It was just like licking skin – there wasn’t a trace of fur, and I found the sensation of the velvety soft firmness against my lips and tongue unbearably exciting.
  372.  
  373. Twi giggled and gasped as I licked and kissed her horn, but after a short while she pushed me away.
  374.  
  375. “I… I wanna lick you now,” she whispered.
  376.  
  377. “But I don’t have a horn!” I replied with wide-eyed confusion.
  378.  
  379. Twi laughed and thumped me on the chest. “Oh come on! You know what I mean, right?”
  380.  
  381. I chuckled, nodding. “I’d love you to.”
  382.  
  383. “I’m getting that melty feeling again,” said Twi as she hopped off the couch a little unsteadily and stood on all fours in front of me. “Your licking my… me was getting me really hot.” She took a single step forward, bringing her head in between my splayed knees, and for a long while she stood there staring at my pants, her head cocked as if she was trying to divine a secret. “So how do these things work exactly?”
  384.  
  385. Soon her horn shone brightly and my belt buckle started to glow the same rose-pink color. The buckle slid back and forth as she fumbled with the unfamiliar device, and the tip of her tongue popped out from between her lips as she concentrated.
  386.  
  387. I brought my hands down. “Here, let me help…”But then I suddenly felt them fly from my belt, slapped away by an invisible force, and Twi glared at me fiercely.
  388.  
  389. “No, I want to do it!”
  390.  
  391. There was little Miss Sparkle the stubborn perfectionist again! I knew better than to argue with her when she was in this kind of mood and left her to it. But she quickly worked out that she had to hold the buckle and the belt at the same time, and with a bit of loosening and tightening she soon unbuckled it and my belt flicked out and flew off across the room with a life of its own.
  392.  
  393. “Wow,” I said. “Add that to the list of things I’d never seen before I came here to Equestria!”
  394.  
  395. But Twilight was already examining the zip on my pants. “Wait, how many locks do these things have? Why do you humans cover yourselves up so much?”
  396.  
  397. “I’ve got no idea,” I said. “But trust me – you wouldn’t want to see most humans walking around without clothes like you ponies do. You ponies are just lucky that all those adventures you get involved in keep you looking sleek and healthy.”
  398.  
  399. Twilight wasn’t really listening to me at this point, and with a little experimentation later she finally worked out that the button needed to be undone and then the zip unzipped, and soon she had my jeans around my ankles and I sat there in only my boxers.
  400.  
  401. “What? ANOTHER layer?” she laughed. “You humans are crazy! Is Earth really that cold? Was there another Ice Age? Wait, that can’t be right – you said that your planet is undergoing something called Global Warming, right?”
  402.  
  403. “Uh, I don’t really think that that’s the reason we…” I began, but Twi had grown impatient and abandoning her magic she was now gripping the leg of my underwear between her teeth and trying to pull them down. They slipped down about an inch before they got stuck on my erection, and she was forced to pull harder and harder until they slipped down over it – pretty painfully I might add! – and Twi fell back on her rump, giggling, leaving my underwear hanging around my ankles.
  404.  
  405. I’d also fallen backwards onto the couch, my dick waggling comically in the air, and I was just sitting back up and kicking off my boxers when I saw that Twi was also getting up onto her hooves. She looked at me, still dizzy from the fall, but when she realized that I was now totally naked now her jaw dropped open.
  406.  
  407. “So THAT’S what it looks like!” she gasped.
  408.  
  409. I looked down at my hard-on and chuckled. “Haha, yeah. They are pretty awesome.” I was worried for a second that she might be freaked out, it being the first human penis she’d ever seen after all, but she was already trotting up, swaying a little as she did, and when she reached me she threw her forelegs on either side of my thighs and brought her curious face right up close.
  410.  
  411. She stared at my dick for a moment and then glanced up at me. “So, I’m just supposed to lick it?” she asked, with disarming directness. “And that’ll make you feel good?”
  412.  
  413. “Well, yeah – but only if you want-” But my half-hearted protests were cut off as Twi stuck out her tongue and drew the wet tip all over the head of my dick. After a quick taste she sat back down on her rump, deep in thought, as if she’d just performed an experiment and was contemplating the results.
  414.  
  415. “Not bad,” she said at last, and then she leaned forward and licked from the base up to under the head and then back down, her huge violet eyes glued to mine as she did. “So this is OK?”
  416.  
  417. I started squirming. It was an inexperienced blowjob, sure, but the sight of Twi’s innocent eyes glistening as she tongue-basted my cock was driving me wild. “Uhhh….” was all I managed to get out.
  418.  
  419. “I guess that means I’m doing OK!” Twi giggled and went back to licking the whole length with long, easy licks of her pink tongue.
  420.  
  421. “Try putting the whole thing in your mouth, Twi. That feels even-” But she was way ahead of me, and as my erection was enveloped by her warm, wet mouth I felt a jolt of sexual electricity course up from my prostate right up along my spine. Twi drew her mouth up and down slowly, trying not to gag, and soon she learnt that she could set me off by running her tongue underneath the head as she did, and after a while she had me moaning like I was dying. It’s always amazingly hot to look down and see a girl on all fours giving you a blowjob, but seeing Twi doing it was several degrees hotter. Maybe it was the naivety of her big violet eyes, or that rump of hers wiggling a little as she bobbed her head up and down, her tail happily swishing back and forth, or maybe it was the fact I was getting blown by someone – well, somepony I was completely head over heels in love with. Whatever it was, I didn’t feel like I could last too long with the exquisite waves of pleasure that were flowing through my body.
  422.  
  423. But I had no intention of blowing off in her mouth, as amazing as that would feel, so with an act of supreme will-power I slipped my dick out of her mouth. She looked up at me in disappointment, clearly worried that she’d done something wrong, but I shook my head.
  424.  
  425. “Sit up on the couch,” I told her. “I wanna taste you now!”
  426.  
  427. Twi blinked at me. “What? My horn again? But you-”
  428.  
  429. “Not your horn – your other place. Between your haunches.”
  430.  
  431. Her eyes grew wide. “What, you really want to-?”
  432.  
  433. I didn’t reply, but just slipped my hands under her forelegs and lifted her bodily up onto the couch so that she was sitting back on her rump.
  434.  
  435. “Uh, this feels a little strange,” Twi remarked, always the scientist. “I know Lyra sits like this all the time, but…” Then her voice suddenly dropped away when she saw me kneel down in front of her and gently part her knees, and she gasped as she felt my hot breath against her most sensitive of places.
  436.  
  437. All our messing around had clearly turned Twi on. The thick, spicy animal scent of her sex filled my senses and I felt my dick jump suddenly at the intensely sexy smell. The lips of her pussy were slightly parted, already glistening with beads of juice, and her clit was rock hard and peeking out from under its little hood. I deciding there was no need to go slowly anymore, so I dove down and drew her clit into my mouth.
  438.  
  439. It was like I’d applied a branding iron to the little purple unicorn pony. She almost leaped off the couch with a cry as soon as my tongue touched her, but I slipped my arms around her thighs and held her down and began to eat her out properly.
  440.  
  441. As I licked soft little gasps emanated from her and I felt myself getting harder still as I was exposed for the first time to her amazing flavor. Her juices were clear and hot, and I couldn’t resist sticking my tongue into her sticky little slit to get a better taste. She was rich and salty, but with an undertone of sweetness that I’d tasted before from a vegetarian girlfriend I’d had, and the more I licked, the more stickiness appeared, and all the while Twi was squirming on her rump, her forehooves pushed up hard against her mouth to stop herself from crying out.
  442.  
  443. Eating out a pony was a little different from eating out a human girl. For one thing, their tails seem to have a life of their own, and Twi’s was brushing back and forth against my bare chest and nipples, making them tingle with the strange sensation. And with my arms around her thighs I found that my hands were close to the soft swellings of the tiny breasts situated between her tummy and her haunches, and I chuckled to myself at how much more convenient it was to make love to a pony – there was no need to reach up to tweak her nipples, they were right down here! I stopped licking her pussy and lifted my head to stick one of those hard little nubs in my mouth, curious to see if she’d like having her nipples licked – and Twi gasped.
  444.  
  445. I guess she did like it! I took my time sucking and licking on those soft breasts of hers and as I did I caressed her little clit with feather-touches of my thumb, and then gently slid a finger, and then a second one, into her. Twi was already so moist down there with the mixture of her juices and my saliva that they penetrated her without a problem, and she sighed as I explored the satiny-soft passage inside her.
  446.  
  447. I was trying to be as gentle as possible seeing as it was her first time, but when I accidentally grazed her nipple with my lower teeth she yelped, and I felt a tremor inside her pussy and the sudden hot gush of fresh juices around my fingers.
  448.  
  449. I took my lips off her breast and chuckled. “Wow! Did you like it when I did that, Twi?”
  450.  
  451. Twi didn’t reply but straight away brought her forehooves down and taking hold of my head pushed it back against her breasts.
  452.  
  453. “Bite me again… Please!” she whispered. “Harder!”
  454.  
  455. I knew better than to ignore a mare’s heartfelt pleas, so I ran my teeth against the nipple and gently nibbled it, feeling Twi’s pussy grow even hotter and wetter still against my fingers.
  456.  
  457. I returned to sucking and mouthing her clit and as new droplets appeared glistening on her lips her panting grew deeper. I was at that crazy stage of excitement where your dick becomes the entire centre of sensation, so I took my fingers from inside her and started to jerk myself off. But I knew that if I didn’t fuck her soon I was going to come all over the place, so I pulled my hands away and stood up.
  458.  
  459. Twi looked at me nervously as I took her by the forehoof and lifted her up off the sofa. Her mane was dishevelled, her face flushed and her bottom lip was white from where she had been biting it.
  460.  
  461.  
  462. I took a cushion from the couch and placed it on the floor, and the little purple unicorn made no protest as I lay her on her back with the cushion against her butt, and then lay on top of her, kissing and nibbling her neck just beneath her ears.
  463.  
  464. “Will… will it hurt very much?” she asked between the deep pants I was eliciting from her.
  465.  
  466. “Maybe for the tiniest little while,” I said, stroking her mane. “But I promise that after that it will feel even more amazing than everything else we’ve been doing.”
  467.  
  468. I grabbed my dick and began to rub the head, already slick with precum, up along her sticky slit and when it touched her swollen clit she gasped.
  469.  
  470. “Please… please stop teasing me,” she pleaded. “I don’t think I can stand it anymore! Just put it in me – please!”
  471.  
  472. “What’s that, Twi? What you want me to do?” I said. She’d teased me with that blowjob earlier, and now it was my chance to return the favor.
  473.  
  474. “Rut me.” It was little more than a whisper.
  475.  
  476. “Uh, I couldn’t quite hear what you-”
  477.  
  478. “Rut me!” screamed Twi. “For Celestia’s sake, RUT me!”
  479.  
  480. “Well, since you asked so nicely!” I brought my hips forward. I wasn’t too worried about hurting her, as I hadn’t felt a hymen with my fingers, but I thought it better to be gentle to start with.
  481.  
  482. The head of my dick slid easily in between her gooey lips and I slowly eased myself into her.
  483.  
  484. “Oh, oh Celestia!” she groaned.
  485.  
  486. “Holy fuck!” I gasped. The feeling of penetrating her was almost indescribable. It was like I’d slid into warm honey, so sticky and hot and slick was it inside her.
  487.  
  488. “Tell me if it hurts OK, Twi?” I started to fuck her in slow, shallow strokes, luxuriating in the feel of that satiny tunnel squeezing the end of my dick.
  489.  
  490. But Twi had other ideas. She threw her forelegs around my torso and pulled me against her so that I slid into her balls-deep, the when the head of my dick hit her cervix we both cried out.
  491.  
  492. I brought my hips back, sliding a little bit out of her, and then I slid back in and Twi groaned. “Oh Celestia! Why did I wait so long to do this?”
  493.  
  494. Soon we adapted to each other’s rhythm and we were fucking like we’d done it a million times before. Twi might have been a virgin, but she was a quick learner, and I soon discovered that she enjoyed long, deep strokes, which was perfect as it gave me the chance to kiss and lick her neck while we fucked. She wasn’t one for talking during sex, and instead she panted and moaned, tossing her sweat-slick mane from side to side.
  495.  
  496. I love the intimacy of doing it in the missionary position, but for real penetration doggy-style is the only way to do it. My dick still inside her, I flipped her over with difficulty – she was only a little pony, but they’re a lot heavier than they look, and then I took hold of either side of her hips and resumed ploughing into her, eliciting high pitched cries of pleasure from the little unicorn.
  497.  
  498. My side was still smarting from the manticore wound, but all the wine that I’d drunk masked the worst of it and the excitement of finally fucking Twi was transmuting the little that was left into pleasure. I looked down at her pert rump and her long tail whipping back and forth, and I slid my hands across the small of her back, feeling that soft velvety fur.
  499.  
  500. I shook my head in disbelief. “Man oh man, all those years wasted fucking human women.” Fucking a pony had some definite advantages – for one thing, I didn’t have to reach up to grab hold of her hair to get leverage for my thrusting – her mane extended farther down her back, and the perfect hand-hold for pile-driving myself into her, which I did with drunken gusto.
  501.  
  502. Twi was moaning louder now. I could feel her pussy getting boiling hot around my dick and it was starting to drive me over the edge. “Uh Twi…Twi? You’d better….uh! slow down… I’m going to come otherwise!”
  503.  
  504. Twi looked back at me in horror. “No! Not yet!” She pulled away from me, my rigid dick slipping out, dripping, from inside her, and I fell onto my back on the floor.
  505.  
  506. I was in a daze and my entire body felt like a single raw nerve, having been stopped just before coming, and as I sat up on my elbows I saw the little unicorn advancing on me, her face flushed, her eyes hot and hungry. “Uhh, Twi? What-“
  507.  
  508. Twi didn’t reply but pushed me back down onto the floor with her forehooves, and then swung her hind legs onto either side of my waist, staring down at me, a suddenly predatory smile on her beautiful face. And then she leaned forward and lay on top of me with her full weight so that my erection was sandwiched between us, her pussy hot and wet against it, and she began to rub herself up and down against me, her tongue slipping from between her lips as she did.
  509.  
  510. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” I demanded, in between gasps. The friction between the two of us was sending bolts of pleasure along my spine and I grabbed her butt to slow things down before I came.
  511.  
  512. “What does it look like I’m doing?” said Twi, grinning down at me. “I’m going to rut your brains out!” But as soon as she said it she blushed crimson. “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess … I guess I just get a bit aggressive when I’m drunk.”
  513.  
  514. “I’m liking this drunk, aggressive Twilight!” I said, sliding my hands up to her head and drawing it down so that I could kiss her. But this time her tongue, which had been so shy during our first kisses, was a hungry invader, sliding straight into my mouth.
  515.  
  516. At last Twi broke the kiss, and I was left gasping, breathless. “I guess you do like it when I’m aggressive,” she giggled.
  517.  
  518. I merely nodded, groaning, and slid my hands back down onto her wide hips to help her hump me. And while she ground her haunches back and forth, she levitated the wine across to her and started to drink straight from the bottle.
  519.  
  520. “Hey!” I cried. “Leave some of that for me!”
  521.  
  522. She smirked down at me. “Oh? Are you thirsty?” She floated the bottle down to me but as I reached for it, she jerked it out of my reach and brought it to her lips again, taking another mouthful – but this time she didn’t swallow, and instead leaned way down and brought her lips against mine, and when I parted them she drove her tongue inside and with it came a sudden flood of sweet liquid.
  523.  
  524. I swallowed it as quickly as I could, for I found myself already wrestling a suddenly aggressive pony tongue with my own, and all the while she continued to slide her pussy against my dick.
  525.  
  526. This had gone on for long enough! I pulled out of the kiss, grabbed her around the waist and lifting her bodily off me I threw her back onto the couch, and as she looked up at me in surprise I speared my dick right into her. With her pussy as soaking wet as it was there was barely any resistance, and I was enveloped in hot stickiness that made me cry out in pleasure.
  527.  
  528. And then I started rutting her in earnest. I was out of my mind at this point, everything turning into a swirling confusion of drunkenness, tension, and love that made me feel like I was on fire. I fucked Twi like I was somehow revenging myself upon her for how much she’d made me lose control of the situation, but she loved every angry moment of it. My hips were a blur as again and again I drew my dick almost completely out of her blisteringly hot pussy so that only the head was left between her juice-slick lips and then pistoned back into her, driving myself ball-deep and making her cry out. And soon she was screaming at me to rut her harder and her cries of ecstasy grew more and more sharp and urgent.
  529.  
  530. Her horn was glowing stronger and brighter now and the purple glow had already expanded to surround us both, and I felt the hairs on my body stand up as if by static electricity. Suddenly, Twi’s eyes, which she’d kept squeezed shut the whole time, flicked open, and deep within their violet reaches I noticed sparks of platinum white begin to swirl about, and as I stared into them I felt the waves of pleasure growing excruciating. I was getting close.
  531.  
  532.  
  533. Bu then I noticed that instead of the bookcase which had been behind Twi’s face all this time, I was now looking at the high, vaulted ceiling of the library. My stomach lurched, and I looked down and realized that we were now floating around two feet above the couch! Twi’s magic, with a life of its own, had levitated us into the air as we’d been rutting.
  534.  
  535. So this was what it must feel like to fuck in zero gravity! I gripped her hips and drove myself deeper inside her, and as I continued to thrust Twi threw her hind legs around me and locked them around my waist, and we span crazily about in the air in place, set in motion by the frenzied movement of our fucking.
  536.  
  537. I was beyond the point of no return now, and Twi was throwing her mane about, biting her bottom lip so hard that she’d drawn blood.
  538.  
  539. “Twi, I’m… I’m going to come!” I shouted.
  540.  
  541. “I… I am too!” she cried.
  542.  
  543. Twi’s eyes were no longer those liquid violet pools but orbs of pure white, blinding light. And then all of a sudden I felt the pleasure inside me soar to a whole new level of ecstasy as the soft purple unicorn magic that surrounded us both caught alight and we were wreathed in a flare of heatless, scintillating energy, with the two of us still fucking madly at its heart.
  544.  
  545. And then we came together. That magical fire was part of us now, and I felt as though it was pure energy that was flowing out of my dick and into Twi. She screamed out as well, her pussy flooding with a surge of blisteringly hot juices that seemed to be made of liquid fire, and they poured out around the base of my dick and all over my thighs. I was sure my heart had stopped and that sound and sight and time and space and everything else had disappeared and all that existed now was the two of us fused together, my semen blasting into her hungry womb, an excruciating ecstasy surging through our body like being in the center of a supernova. And then we were falling, falling through an endless white void of light.
  546.  
  547. An eternity later, when I could see and hear and think again, I found myself lying on the floor in front of the couch which had thankfully broken our fall when Twi’s magic had shorted out during her climax. Twi herself was lying next to me, her eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling, unseeing – but they were those soft violet eyes that I had fallen in love with and not the blinding white orbs of elemental power that burned into my soul just a short while ago. But when Twi noticed I was awake, she turned over and smiled at me.
  548.  
  549. “Well,” she sighed, deeply and happily. “I guess that’s one new experience I won’t be writing to Princess Celestia about!”
  550.  
  551. “Oh, I don’t know,” I chuckled, kissing her lightly on the lips. “I think she’d get a bit of a thrill out of it.”
  552.  
  553. Twilight giggled, but then she looked at me in earnest. “Did… did I do OK?”
  554.  
  555. “OK?” I looked at her in disbelief. “You were unbelievable, Twi!”
  556.  
  557. Twi sighed happily and rested her muzzle on my chest.
  558.  
  559. “I guess it’s true what they say,” I said suddenly.
  560.  
  561. “What’s that?” murmured Twi.
  562.  
  563. I lifted my arms into the air theatrically. “Once you go flank, you never go back!”
  564.  
  565. Twi lifted her head to look at me. She wasn’t smiling. “Was that a joke of some sort?”
  566.  
  567. I sighed. “Well, it was supposed to be.”
  568.  
  569. “You know, you may be very good at rutting,” she said with a sniff. “But your jokes are terrible.”
  570.  
  571. “Well, you only have to put up with them until I get back to Earth,” I replied.
  572.  
  573. I regretted my flippant joke as soon as I made it, for Twi was suddenly crestfallen. Tears started to glisten at the corner of her huge violet eyes, and she turned away.
  574.  
  575. “Hey Twi?” I said, reaching across and pulling her over so that we were face to face again.
  576.  
  577. “What?” she muttered angrily.
  578.  
  579. “I think you can probably stop looking for a way to get me back home now,” I said.
  580.  
  581. Her violet eyes went wide. “Wait. Does that mean you want to stay in Equestria?”
  582.  
  583. I nodded, smiling. “It does.”
  584.  
  585. “With me?” Her voice was a whisper.
  586.  
  587. “No, with Ditzy Doo!” I replied in exasperation. But before she could protest, I darted forwards and kissed her half-open mouth. “Of course with you!”
  588.  
  589. And at that the little purple unicorn squealed in joy and climbed on top of me, throwing her forelegs around my neck and peppering my face with kisses.
  590.  
  591. “Uh, Twi?” I said.
  592.  
  593. “Mmm?” she murmured as she continued to kiss me on my neck and across my sweaty chest.
  594.  
  595. “I just realised there’s one fun fact that you won’t find in that big book of yours.”
  596.  
  597. “Oh?” she said, stopping and looking at me in interest. “And what’s that?”
  598.  
  599. “I love you,” I said.
  600.  
  601. THE END
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