sace

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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have departments where they should be able to find work. But where do they find work, you ask? Well, Robert Smigel, and his brother, Ian. Welcome to my show, brothers!

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) Hi, brothers! (normal voice) I'm Zorak. Hello, brothers!

Brak: (in cutesy voice) Hi, brothers! (normal voice) How ya doin'?

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) Hey! I'm Zorak!

Brak: (in normal voice) Hey, boys! (sunglasses turn up, he unzips & shows off his costume)

Zorak: (in normal voice) What's that?

Space Ghost: (on location in Ghost Planet, in front of desk) Hello, gang! It's great to be here, I'm Space Ghost! But I'm also Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel, and Sean Medlock.

Zorak: (wearing Batman mask & cowl, & cowl, & cowl) Hi, brothers! I'm Zorak!

Space Ghost: (lowers on desk) Was that a handkerchief?

Zorak: Nope! It's a wax cylinder!

Space Ghost: (laughs) Funny! (aims power bands)

Zorak: Aaaaa! (jumps out of the way)

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (clears throat)

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (clears throat)

Zorak: (coughs)

Space Ghost: Moltar! Hold on! Isn't he great? (blasts Zorak)

Moltar: (clears throat)

Zorak: (coughs)

Space Ghost: Well, what are your thoughts, Neil?

Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Great! You wanna put on some pressure suits and go outside and see my interplanetary monument, do you?

Moltar: Yeah, I'll go get him.

Space Ghost: (waits for Moltar to come back)

Moltar: (walks away)

Zorak: Hey, uh, hey there...

Space Ghost: What do you want?

Zorak: Eh... I think I'll take a nap.

Space Ghost: You wanna go outside, huh? Well, why don't you go get some water, because you look like you're gonna thirst, right?

Zorak: Yeah, I'll take some of that with me.

Space Ghost: You're all right outside. Good.

(Water runs out of Ghost Planet)

Zorak: Neil!

Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, yeah.

Zorak: Drink this! (drinks water)

Moltar: (walks onto stage) Tell everybody who you are!

Zorak: Hey! I'm Zorak!

Neil Patrick Harris: Yes, good.

Zorak: Gimme that sandwich!

Space Ghost: (eating sandwich) What are you giving it to?

Zorak: (starts eating sandwich) Hey, guys! (continues eating sandwich)

Space Ghost: Gimme that sandwich!

Zorak: Hey, I got it!

Space Ghost: All right, I'm going to get up and stomp some big goofin' bad guy's butt.

(Space Ghost walks toward his desk)

Zorak: Hey, you're up!

Space Ghost: (fully clothed, making his way to desk) Is this cool? (turns head to indicate he is) Look at my head! It's got a beard!

Zorak: Yeah, well, that's what I was gonna ask you!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, what are you getting so excited about?

Zorak: (laughs) Now with my new power bands! (dramatic music swells in background) I could use this to my advantage!

Space Ghost: I don't think so. (hands over his face)

Zorak: (laughs)

Molt
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast! Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That means a lot to us, don't it? Well, don't it?! Everybody says it, but nobody listens, and yet, that's all right. We're funny! Because we're funny! How did we get our funny names? And where is Rathbun the butcher? I mean, why should I bother going there? Why should I bother? He's a long way from home. (crying) Here's Zorak, baby.

Zorak: (being slapped) Yeow!

Moltar: (begins crying)

Zorak: (as others arrive) He's not home!

Moltar: Here's Carrie.

Zorak: Here's Erik.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, and I'm here to help you with your gig. If you're into, um, chicken or hamburger or something, I'm sure that there'd be a place right, right? (invisos to desk) Hi, y'know, uh, steakhouses and such. (appears on monitor, with audio commentary) Now, I can wait a little while longer for my guests, but I worry about things like that. (pause) Then we can talk about, uh, steakhouses and such. (appears on monitor again, with audio commentary) Now, I know that there's a lot of Steakhouse left, and a lot of Steakmarshalls. And, a lot of Steakmarshalls. A lot.

Space Ghost: (on monitor) Hi, Steakhouse fans. (winks) I'm talking to you, Internet people.

Moltar: Uh, I'm not really internet people.

Space Ghost: Really? Okay then. We can talk about anything, really. (picks up microphone from floor, talks directly into it, very loud) Including, uh, Steakhouse.

Moltar: (laughs, pointing at Space Ghost) Whoa! (laughs, pointing at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're laughin' at me, aren't you, Moltar?

Moltar: Well, that's not funny.

Space Ghost: No, I'm laughin' at you, Steakhouse. We're laughing at you because we think you're funny.

Zorak: And you're funny!

Space Ghost: And you're not funny!

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: And you're a big fat pain in the rear.

Zorak: Yeah, and you're a little hot.

Space Ghost: No, I'm not a little hot. I'm a big fat pain in the rear.

Zorak: You're just making it up, aren't you?

Space Ghost: (laughs nervously, rubbing his temples)

Zorak: You're a big fat disappointment.

Moltar: You're a disappointment, and a big fat let-down.

Space Ghost: Yeah, and you didn't do anything special for me yesterday. So, Zorak, tell me everything you've been doing lately.

Zorak: I was juuuust ready.

Space Ghost: I was supposed to do that!

Zorak: Then why did you call me yesterday?

Space Ghost: Oh... um... I was gonna ask you for a jump, but I don't think you'd believe me.

Zorak: Well, I'm ready when you are.

Space Ghost: I am going to town! (flies off)

Zorak: Crazy Stephen!

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: Stephen?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: Stephen, have you seen my movie, Stephen?

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: Is it called "Space Ghost Coast to Coast?"

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: It's supposed to be about your movie, and how you never quite put your foot down.

Moltar: Uh, it's not, uh... it's just different.

Zorak: Different is good.

Space Ghost: (bounds back) I just don't get it. People love me for my mouth, and I never disappoint them.

Zorak
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Everyone says it counts, so let's hear it!

Zorak: (as Moltar speaks) And you say it doesn't count!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: What are you saying?!

Space Ghost: The boring, lumpy, unpublishable stuff doesn't count.

Zorak: You're boring!

Space Ghost: Yes, yes, and now, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Maxcy Nolan and Steve Arnold.

Zorak: You're so boring!

Space Ghost: (as Zorak speaks) And you would be well advised to shut up, would you?

Zorak: Uh, no.

Space Ghost: We're good. Now, let's get to it, shall we?

Zorak: (pause) No!

Space Ghost: Okay, then we're good. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Maxcy Nolan and Steve Arnold.

Zorak: (pause) Dr. Nolan...

Space Ghost: ... and Dr. Steve Arnold.

Zorak: (pause) No!

Space Ghost: We're good. Now, Zorak, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Zorak: I am Zorak. I am the King of Spaaaaace Ghooooost!

Space Ghost: (pause) You're joking!

Zorak: I am NOT the King!

Space Ghost: (serious) I am the undisputed ruler of Earth.

Zorak: The undisputed ruler of Earth? Count me in, I'm the undisputed ruler of Earth! (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound)

Space Ghost: (after a beat) You're not the undisputed ruler of Earth.

Zorak: The thing is, you're the only one that matters.

Space Ghost: I totally agree with you, Zorak. We're the only ones that matter.

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You're the only one that matters! Because you're the only one that gets to choose who gets to rule Earth.

Zorak: Hey, you're the only one that gets to choose!

Space Ghost: That's right, the guy you invited over here! You get to pick who rules Earth.

Zorak: Hey, you're the only one that gets to choose!

Space Ghost: You're the only one that gets to choose! Because you're the only one that matters.

Zorak: Hey, don't make me choose!

Space Ghost: (presses another button, selects another guest) I'm not the host of this show! That guy's a total snob!

Zorak: Hey, wait a minute, he's the host! Isn't that right, dude?

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, that's what this show is about.

Zorak: You're the only one that gets to choose!

Space Ghost: You're the only one that gets to choose! Because you're the only one that matters!

Zorak: Hey, how about you, Space Ghost, when it comes time for your weekly beating?

Space Ghost: (pause) Oh, you decide who gets to beat who?

Zorak: You decide!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, that's what this show is about.

Zorak: You're the only one that gets to choose!

Space Ghost: You're the only one that gets to choose! Because you're the only one that matters!

Zorak: Hey, what about me?

Space Ghost: You're the only one that gets to choose!

Zorak: You decide!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, that's what this show is about.

Zorak: You're the only one that gets to choose!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, that's what this show is about.

Zorak: You're the only one that gets to choose!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, that's what this show is about.

Zorak: You're
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (stares back, big black eyes)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak, here, to the desk! Thank you.

Zorak: Oh, what, you're a stranger?

Space Ghost: Introduce yourself.

Zorak: I'm Zorak!

Space Ghost: I'm Space Ghost! And welcome to the big show! Tonight, we have the amazing Goldie Hawn! And don't forget about that chubby guy!

Goldie Hawn: (phantom microphone dance, with special effects; sings)
I'm Goldie Hawn, ladies and gentlemen, you're about to witness one of the most spectacular comeback stories of all time.

Space Ghost: You're talkin' about me, aren't you?

Goldie Hawn: Yeah.

Goldie Hawn: Yes!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Zorak: (munching sounds)

Space
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: Moltar, what's going on in there?

Moltar: The guest is being replaced...

Space Ghost: Hold on, Moltar. (quietly) The guest is being replaced.

Moltar: Uh... Guest?

Space Ghost: You're the only one that matters.

Moltar: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: Good. When's he gonna come back, you or me?

Moltar: Look, I'm sorry, and I didn't mean that.

Space Ghost: Hold on, wait a minute. Moltar, didn't you write something for him?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: You wrote... for him?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think he should do?

Moltar: I think he should run around burning holes in his skull.

Space Ghost: How about licking them?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: Licking them would be... pretty good.

Hunter S. Thompson: Very good.

Space Ghost: I think he should lick the holes in his skull with his mouth.

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: Zorak, just lick the holes in his skull!

Zorak: I can't do that. He's gonna get hurt!

Space Ghost: Okay, you're on your own.

Zorak: Yeah, I can't. He's gonna get hurt!

Space Ghost: Listen, man, we're in a movie studio here, and in a movie studio there's a lot of action, and a lot of action leads to lots of spills. And lots of spills lead to lots of sick kids. So, help me or leave.

Moltar: You know, Space Ghost, sometimes the best way to promote a product is to just not show it at all.

Space Ghost: Yeah, yeah. And sometimes the best way to promote a product is to just not show it at all.

Hunter S. Thompson: (laughs) I guess that's true.

Space Ghost: (hunched down in his pod) I'll tell ya, man, sometimes the best way to promote a product is to just not show it at all.

Hunter S. Thompson: (laughs) Well, that's exactly what I did.

Space Ghost: Yeah! And sometimes the best way to promote a product is to just not show it at all.

Hunter S. Thompson: (laughs) Well, that's what I did.

Space Ghost: Or, vice versa.

Hunter S. Thompson: (laughs) Exactly.

Space Ghost: Or, vice versa.

Hunter S. Thompson: (laughs) Exactly.

Space Ghost: Or, vice versa.

Hunter S. Thompson: (laughs) Exactly.

Space Ghost: Boy, it's a whirlwind. We've got a lot of cool stuff coming up, including a whole lotta s's.

Hunter S. Thompson: Okay, thank you.

Space Ghost: Boy, it's a whirlwind. We've got a lot of cool stuff coming up, including a whole lotta s's.

Moltar: Space Ghost, just wave some stuff around.

Space Ghost: (with his power bands) I'm setting up camp. Everything should be fine. We should probably go get some food.

Moltar: Uh, no thanks. We're not eating, we're leaving.

Space Ghost: Yeah, right. (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, Moltar, what're you doin' about the sky?

Moltar: (throws lever; sky turns to show him) I'm lowering.

Zorak: (sticks his tongue out at Moltar)

Moltar: Uh, sorry.

Hunter S. Thompson: I'm sorry, man.

Space Ghost: That's all right. Tell everybody what a jerk he is.

(Shows a drawing of a dog with Zorak's head cut off, smiling)

Zorak: "I'm set on fire!" What did you call that?

Space Ghost: I called it "Prepare to burn!".

Zorak: You big goof!

Space Ghost: Yeah, I'll explain. (flickflickflickflickflickflickflick...flickflickflickflickflickflick) When I was little I
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have very specialties. That makes them friends. And, they both love the outdoors.

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) So, what do you guys do to keep warm in the freezing cold of winter?

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Hello, I'm Space Ghost. Here's my regular stuff.

Zorak: (stares at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: What's that?

Zorak: I don't know what you're talkin' about!

Space Ghost: Don't say I didn't hear you.

Zorak: Somebody must've walked by and turned the knob!

Space Ghost: I don't think... Hey, wait a minute. What's that?

Zorak: I don't know what you're talkin' about!

Space Ghost: Well, it looks like you have a cold!

Zorak: Cute! (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: I'm gonna sit here and stare at you!

Zorak: (stands up) Uhh, yeah, sure!

Space Ghost: (gets up) And you two! (knocks on wood)

Zorak: Hey! What's that?

Space Ghost: That's a trap!

Zorak: What trap?

Space Ghost: (walking over logs) Hey! The trap!

Zorak: Where's the bait?

Space Ghost: Here, let me do the talking.

Zorak: What bait?

Space Ghost: There's no bait! Just talk.

Zorak: I don't want to talk!

Space Ghost: You two... friends...

Maxcy Nolan: The silent treatment...

Space Ghost: You heard the bait. Now you shut up and shut up and shut up!!

Maxcy Nolan: Well, I'll tell you what, uh...

Space Ghost: You don't want to hear it? Fine! You heard the bait! Now you shut up and shut up!

Maxcy Nolan: You just told the truth, didn't you?

Space Ghost: I did!

Maxcy Nolan: In that case, I think it's time to announce my name.

Space Ghost: Announce your name!

Maxcy Nolan: So, Space Ghost, do you wanna be a talk show host or a talk show host and follow-up?

Space Ghost: Stay silent!

Maxcy Nolan: You're a very good talk show host, and a very good candidate for a celebrity.

Space Ghost: Celebrity?

Maxcy Nolan: Um, yes. Um...

Space Ghost: Okay.

Maxcy Nolan: Um...

Space Ghost: Um... Cathy O'Brien.

Maxcy Nolan: Do you have a wig?

Space Ghost: (pause) Yes I do.

Maxcy Nolan: Hmm.

Space Ghost: Oh, it's beautiful.

Maxcy Nolan: Um, it's bohunkus, and I'm in my late teens.

Space Ghost: Uh, I'm a blockhead.

Maxcy Nolan: I, I'm straight-up.

Space Ghost: You're not straight-up!

Maxcy Nolan: I'm not straight-up! (laughs)

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Maxcy Nolan: I'm not straight-up! (laughs)

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Maxcy Nolan: (laughs)

Space Ghost: So, you're not straight-up, are you?

Maxcy Nolan: (sits down, laughing)

Space Ghost: Well, thanks for being there, Mr. Nolan, it's a pleasure. But Zorak, play me to the desk.

Zorak: (plays Space Ghost to the desk with Zorak's "Don't Touch Me" song, with help from Moltar)

Space Ghost: Zorak, you are messing with my head!

Zorak: (continues messing with Space Ghost's head, Space Ghost explodes)

Moltar: (throws lever, Stephen Baldwin appears)

Stephen Baldwin: I'm sorry, Ghost, I, I, I had no idea.

Space Ghost: Zorak, Moltar, take your mask off and hit me
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and physician Neal Atanasoff. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (sputters, wide-eyed) What!?! (shot of all-mantis audience) Oh, great. Moltar! Why didn't you warn me?

Moltar: Hey, nobody tells me anything.

Space Ghost: That's right, Zorak. Moltar didn't know a thing about this. You see, I only told two special friends of yours. And then they told two friends, and then they told two friends. And so on, and so on, and so on... (as he talks, the screen splits into two, then four, then eight, and then sixteen talking Space Ghosts.)

Zorak: Well, I don't want no stinky "here is your life". It's embarrassing.

Space Ghost: Oh, hush up, Mr. Party Poop Bug. It'll be fun, fun, fun! We're gonna have guests who'll talk about you, and surprises. And afterwards, we're all going to a party downtown at the Taco King.

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: The Taco King?

Moltar: (reciting a jingle) "It's where the refried bean reigns supreme."

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, big band music plays from scratchy record in background; music stops as needle is dragged across record) Alrighty! (fanfare plays) Zorak, here comes your life! (fanfare finishes)

Zorak: Can't we skip this garbage and go straight to the tacos?

Space Ghost: No, now pipe down. (more big band background music) (clears throat) Ah, Zorak, what can one say? (family portrait with father, mother, two older siblings and baby Zorak; siblings dissappear one by one as Space Ghost speaks, followed by father's head) Born into a small family made even smaller by disgusting acts of cannibalism, you quickly entered into young bughood (police mug shot of Zorak in a leather jacket), and a life of evil.

Zorak: Hail, evil!

Moltar: Hail, evil!

Brak: Hail, evil!

Space Ghost: (quietly) May I continue?

Zorak: Sure, it's your life now.

Space Ghost: Now, Zorak, tell me if you remember this voice, from your criminal past:

Metallus: (drones and drones)

Zorak: (listens) Nnn- uh uh.

Space Ghost: Oh. Well, uh... do you remember this voice?

Brak: Hi, Zorak, my name is Brak.

Zorak: Hmmmmm... Sorry, doesn't ring a bell.

Space Ghost: This one?

Weird Al Yankovic: Hey, Zorak, you... evil locust!

Zorak: Nope.

Space Ghost: Aaaaaa! Work with me here! Now, do you know this voice?

Cyclo: Hey there, Zorak!

Zorak: Eh, I don't know. It sounded like a crime boss once in a blue moon.

Cyclo: You're crazy!

Space Ghost: Okay, well, here's a picture of my evil twin brother.

Cyclo: Hey, brother! Let's take a closer look at you!

Space Ghost: (turn
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

The great Malcolm Invisos is here. We'll look at three clips of Zorak from various episodes of the Animated Series, and we'll look at the last one, the one that was partially obscured by a wardrobe malfunction. That should be enough for this show. But it isn't. Because there's more to that episode than meets the eye. And, as we reported yesterday, there's more to this episode than meets the eye.

Yesterday, we posted an excerpt from the show entitled "Growing Pains". The episode was titled "Slacker Problem Solved". We decided to post it online, so that other fans could see it and decide for themselves. The problem was, we hadn't seen the episode yet. We decided to wait until the syndication office certified it for us, since we felt confident that it wasn't missing anything. That's when things started to get really weird.

Yesterday, Cartoon Network COO Jon Rosen revealed that there had been a glitch in the series production schedule that prevented him from showing the episode, and when he did show it, it was late at night and the only cast member was Moon Ghost. Jon also said that he hadn't been able to get the episode released on time, nor was he able to get an exact release date, but he did say that he expected it to be out by Christmas.

We began our investigation of the episode yesterday, when Jon contacted me to let me know that the episode was indeed missing an episode. The episode was, in fact, missing an episode and an entire episode had passed since the last time Jon had seen the show. The reason for this was the unfortunate episode number 666. Many people believe that number to be the reason for the loss of the cast's sanity, as well as the morbid masks worn by the dead characters. The masks worn by the dead characters also play a large role in the episode, as do the various figurines found in the episode's apartment.

The episode was set around the Halloween event of 1999, and the morbid masks. The episode begins with the likeness of a toaster floating in midair, with steam rising from its mouth. The toaster is wearing a mask, and is shouting commands at the viewer, leading to the viewer to believe he is controlling the toaster. The toaster flies off, and no one is in the shot. The shot goes to the carton, where the toaster is standing. The shot goes back and forth between the toaster and the camera, with the view switching between the toaster and the camera as the sequence changes. The shot to the carton, which is on fire, is also unfinished.

The shot to the audience is slightly delayed. It is on the carton, and the camera is a few inches behind the cover when the shot finally pans up to the ceiling. The figure is standing there, looking at the camera. The roof of the cart is cracked, and the sidewalk is a few inches deep with a small puddle on the bottom. The figure jumps out from under the surface, and flies off at high speed, knocking the camera off at high speed.

The roof of the cart is also a few inches lower than the surface it is on. The glass is cracked and broken, and the sidewalk is a few inches deep with a large crack in it. The figure is laying on the ground, with one eye dangling on a piece of string. It is on the precipice of death, and there is no sign of life outside the figure. The glass crack, the crack in the sidewalk, and the broken eye are all visible. The double D status screen says "Resuscitated" before the photograph is even taken.

The cause of death for both the character and the avatar is under investigation. The character died from having their consciousness sucked into the avatar's body, and the death of the avatar is being treated as suspicious. The existence of a third, unspecified character has been suggested, but this has not been confirmed.

Tales from the series
There are several audio files in the series that were never intended to be released and are kept hidden from the public. The most well known of these is the song "Akira", which was never intended to be released and contains audio from the original Japanese audio recording of the Song of Healing. This file is labeled as such and is available on the Japanese version of the Internet Archive.

Another file is called "The First Ten Years", and consists of a series of test clips from the original Japanese version of the anime that were never intended to be released and are kept hidden from the public. These are labeled as such and are also available on the Japanese version of the Internet Archive.

A third file is called "The Lost Years", and consists of a series of test clips from the original Japanese version of the anime that were released under license from Sony during the late Eighties that provide a glimpse at what the animators
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have thousands of songs to their credit, and they're both in the top ten of most popular songs ever recorded. That makes them stars, right?

Zorak: Nobody's perfect, and nobody listens to me.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: What the...

Space Ghost: Over here, we have young Mr. Steve Allen.

Steve Allen: Hi, and how do you like it?

Space Ghost: It's a whole new world, aren't you happy?

Steve Allen: (laughs) That's rich!

Space Ghost: You should write a song about me. Tell me how you got so rich.

Steve Allen: You write a song? What a croon!

Space Ghost: You write a song about me, sweetheart.

Steve Allen: (laughs) When I was a little bitty tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny, a-a-a-a-a, a-a-a-a, a-a-a-a, a-a-a! (starts playing his guitar)

Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: Zorak, Steve Allen... it's about time you did something about him. After all, he's bugged you, and you need to get him out here, to the desk!

Zorak: Well, I'll do something about him. Won't I?

Space Ghost: You want to see him get blown up, right?

Zorak: Blow him up!

Space Ghost: Yeah, I'll do that. When he gets blown up, that's when you get to do all sorts of stuff.

Zorak: Oh, um, I'll do whatever I want. Heh.

Space Ghost: You'll be sorry you crossed me, mister.

Zorak: Yeah, sorry.

Moltar: So, Steve Allen, the man, the myth...

Space Ghost: What?

Moltar: The myth...

Space Ghost: What myth?

Moltar: The myth of Steve Allen.

Space Ghost: (noticing Zorak in the background) That's all right, I guess.

Zorak: Hey! What's the story here?

Space Ghost: No, the story is not over. Thou hast awoken, Thutmose, from this nightmare world of yours.

Zorak: A nightmare world? No, no. Here is the real story.

Space Ghost: The real story is this: in this nightmare world, I was chased by a pack of hyenas, a pack of which I was never a part of. I managed to kill one, but the other four I was forced to kill because they were no longer my friends. This particular killer I'll call Jadusable, he and the others would go on to rob and rape me, before finally giving up and running away.

This was when I decided to play the song that my friend had asked me to play. The song he had asked me to play was "Remember Me". As I was about to play the song, that annoying hyena ran over and killed Jadusable, leaving me to rot. That's when I decided to play the song again.

As I was about to play the song, that annoying hyena again harassed me and forced me to play the song he had forced me to play. As I was about to play the song, that annoying hyena ran over and killed Jadusable, leaving me to rot. That's when I decided to save and quit, but before I could I was attacked by that same killer.

I tried attacking the shield that protected the save file, but to no avail. I checked the file itself, which was just a long string of numbers, one of them counting down from ten. It was at that point I realised I had forgotten to take screenshots! Angry with myself for forgetting and thinking I had enough TF2 for tonight, I switched the game off.

I then sat there, wondering what the hell I just experienced for the past hour or so. After a while, I decided to sleep on it, thinking it would go away in the morning.

That's when my friend Callum called me, and told me that there was a problem with my save file. He told me that it was some kind of glitch,
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: The Dunne Family Feud.

Zorak: "What's the beef?"

Moltar: "Eat your vegetables!"

Zorak: "And your dog on a leash."

Moltar: "And your dog on a leash that's chewing on carrots."

Zorak: What's the beef?

Moltar: Uh, it's beef!

Zorak: Uh, can I have a nickel?

Moltar: You bet!

Zorak: And here's my dog on a leash.

Space Ghost: (pause) Alrighty! Zorak and I are ready to have a talk.

Zorak: About what?

Space Ghost: You bet me! About what?

Zorak: Well, I was wondering, were you friends off the show? Like, were you friends off the show, like off the Brak Show, off the Futurama set, off the Space Ghost set...

Space Ghost: I'm not allowed to say who I am.

Zorak: Well, that's fine. Who were you friends off the show?

Moltar: I was the Bender.

Zorak: With the Bender?

Moltar: The Bender.

Space Ghost: What's so funny?

Zorak: (impersonating Stephen Fry) I'm saying if we were friends, we would spend a lot of time together!

Space Ghost: You were friends! Why would you spend time together with someone who was so obviously trying to get you?

Zorak: (laughs) Well, I wasn't trying to get you, I was just trying to feel better about myself.

Space Ghost: You seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

Zorak: Yeah, thanks.

Space Ghost: I once punched a giant robot in the face with a folding chair.

Zorak: Really?

Space Ghost: Yes! Three times!

Zorak: That's some serious bragging rights!

Space Ghost: You came prepared for this! You had a tape of me doing it, you had a script of me saying "I am the robot Superman." Wasn't that enough?

Zorak: (laughs) Prepared for what?

Space Ghost: Oh, nothing. Just joking.

Zorak: You shouldn't have brought that up!

Space Ghost: I didn't bring up anything! I just said that I was prepared for anything. That's all there is to it.

Zorak: You were prepared for everything, huh?

Space Ghost: Uh, but you're not prepared for this, Zorak. You're too prepared.

Zorak: You just told him that I was prepared for everything, and he got mad, and blasted me into the void!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: I wasn't prepared for this, were I prepared for this?

Space Ghost: You prepared for everything, huh?

Zorak: Yeah, and for nothing?

Space Ghost: Nothing! Just saying, "I'm ready for anything."

Zorak: Anything could happen.

Space Ghost: Uh, he might not be ready.

Zorak: What do I know? I'm stupid!

Brak: Hey, Vee-ray!

Zorak: What?

Brak: You're an idiot!

Zorak: What?

Brak: You're an idiot!

Space Ghost: Hey, let's say "hi" to all our friends at Time-Warner.

Zorak: Who's Veere?

Space Ghost: No, who's Veere?

Brak: He's the Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: What's he doin' here?

Brak: He's the Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: What a maroon!

Zorak: What the heck was that?

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION


====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

Zorak: (munching sounds)

Moltar: Hey Zorak, what're you eating?

Zorak: Eh - pork rinds.

Moltar: You eat pork rinds? Where did you learn to eat pork rinds?

Zorak: I ate a lot of pork rinds.

Moltar: You ate a lot of pork rinds? You're still hungry?

Zorak: Yeah.

(More munching sounds)

Moltar: You're not f(BLEEP)ed!

Zorak: Hey, hey hey hey hey hey! How come you never let me eat anything?

Moltar: Because I wanted to!

Zorak: Well, that's what I was gonna say!

Moltar: Well, that's what I was gonna say!

Zorak: So, there's this sign on the wall outside my apartment that says "Welcome to Cartoon Planet, Home of the Cartoon Network."

Moltar: What is that?

Zorak: "Welcome to Cartoon Planet, Home of the Cartoon Network."

Moltar: "Home of the Cartoon Network." How come I never see it?

Zorak: "Welcome to Cartoon Planet, Home of the Cartoon Network." Why don't you go to Cartoon Planet?

Moltar: "Home of the Cartoon Network." What are you talking about?

Zorak: There's a TV in the control room.

Moltar: Really?

Zorak: Actually, there's a TV in the control room, but it's on Cartoon Network.

Moltar: Oh.

Zorak: And there's a Cartoon Planet in the studio.

Moltar: Really?

Zorak: Actually, there's a Cartoon Planet studio, but on Cartoon Network.

Moltar: Oh.

Zorak: And there's a Cartoon Planet studio outside the studio.

Moltar: Uh, Cartoon Network?

Zorak: And Cartoon Planet.

Moltar: Oh. Well, I'll tell you what, I'll call you "Space Ghost."

Zorak: Oh, okay. "Space Ghost."

Moltar: Okay, "Ghost."

Zorak: And when I'm on the TV, you'll know it.

Moltar: (laughs) Okay, TV.

Zorak: And when I'm not on the TV, you won't know it.

Moltar: (laughs) That's neat.

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: To market, to market, to buy a fat pig!

Zorak: Fat pig!

Space Ghost: Home of the greatest ham sandwich in the world!

Zorak: Fat ham!

Space Ghost: Zorak, you're ruining my beloved ham sandwich.

Zorak: Fat ham!

Space Ghost: Home of the greatest hot dog in the world!

Zorak: Fat hot dog!

Space Ghost: Zorak, you're ruining my beloved hot dog.

Zorak: Fat hot dog!

Space Ghost: Do you know what they do in my basement?

Zorak: Nope!

Space Ghost: They make me sweat?

Zorak: Nnn- uh uh.

Space Ghost: And do I ever feel like I could have a hot dog if I just set my mind to it?

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: You're wasting your time.

Zorak: Why waste your time?

Space Ghost: Sitting there thinking about this, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, you don't want me to tell you what?

Zorak: Uh-huh.

Space Ghost: Yes! You do!

Zorak: (pause) No, I don't.

Space Ghost: You don't want me to tell you what?

Zorak: (pause) No, I don't want you to tell me anything.

Space Ghost: You don't understand, you're hurting me.

Zorak: (pause) Okay. Uh... sorry.

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: I, I don't mean to be disrespectful, I
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and physician Dr. Maxcy Nolan, the latter of them a fellow explorer. This way, courtesy of some poor people in Needham, this is all you need to know about the space creatures that inhabit our airbases.

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) Hey, how'm we doin'?

Space Ghost: (invisos in) (clears throat) Ladies and gentlemen, host of Entertainment Tonight, host of Extreme Make It or Not, and daredevil extraordinaire, Zorak!

Zorak: (lowers on elevator platform) Hey, everybody!

Space Ghost: Welcome to Zorak's life!

Zorak: Hey, look at me! I'm a freak.

Space Ghost: You are a freak, Doctor! And a very bad person who should be locked up!

Zorak: I never went there!

Space Ghost: You didn't even book Howard Metzenbaum! You just showed up and said, "I have a question," which is all right, but what did you do for training?

Zorak: Well, I trained.

Space Ghost: Huh. So, you think you've got a question. Let it air. I'll hold myself accountable later. (flies up to control room monitor) But first, I have a question for you.

Question: Train harder!

Space Ghost: Okay. But when I talk to you, I mean it.

Question: I mean it when I talk to you!

Space Ghost: You mean it when you talk to me!

Question: No, you're not gonna tell me what I should do, are ya?

Space Ghost: (beat) Eh, okay.

Question: I really like your Kung Fu class.

Space Ghost: (beat) You're not gonna tell me what I should do, are ya?

Question: I think you're a cool dude.

Space Ghost: (beat) Cool dude, yeah, absolutely.

Question: Do you like being a funk legend?

Space Ghost: (beat) You're not funky.

Question: You and your pants.

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I was gonna say! (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, what're you going to do with me?

Moltar: (in control room) What are you going to do with me?

Zorak: I'll just fly right out there and die.

Moltar: That's what you're gonna do with me, right?

Zorak: You know what, Moltar...

Space Ghost: Where did you learn to talk like that?

Moltar: Ed.

Space Ghost: Ed, you're funky! I'm tellin' you, you're a funky dude. You should do funky things with your pants on.

Zorak: Hey, what are you saying?!

Space Ghost: What are you talkin' about? We're bout ta hang out! That's what I was gonna say!

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, hang out!

Space Ghost: We're gonna do some funky stuff. And you're not gonna be able to do anything with your pants on, are ya?!

Zorak: (flustered) Okay, I won't tell you.

Space Ghost: Because I don't even know what I'm sayin'.

Zorak: I won't tell you either! (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (coughs)

Space Ghost: Thank you. That's the one you wanted.

Zorak: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say!

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I'll do. I'll blast Moltar!

Moltar: (coughs)

Space Ghost: And he'll explode, and burn you!

Moltar: (coughs)

Space Ghost: And you'll never know what he had that day!

Zorak: (eyes swirling, with strange lights and sounds; you can't see anything through your headphones)

(Cut to background for credits, with strange background music)

Space Ghost: You're crazy! I'll blow you up!

Cut to Zorak, with flames and flames)

Zorak: (coughs)

Space Ghost: He's impossible!
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have very good careers. That makes them natural fit for this show. But first, here's Space Ghost.

Zorak: (off camera) Y-you're a total nosy!

Moltar: (throws lever) Uh, I'm Ned, and I'm afraid of heights.

Zorak: Be afraid of heights? Of... paralysis?

Moltar: No, no! I mean paralysis.

Zorak: Ed, I have a podcast!

Moltar: You have a podcast!

Zorak: Yes, well, here's Ned.

Ned: (on monitor, in Carrot Top voice) Hello, I'm Ned, and welcome to my show.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost, and I'm glad to be here. What do you get when you cross a zombie with a vampire? A podcast!

Zorak: Podcast?

Space Ghost: Yes! You get a podcast, people. A free podcast, that is.

Zorak: For a fraction of what it would cost you!

Space Ghost: Oh, you get a free podcast! Thanks a lot!

Zorak: Yeah, don't thank me!

Space Ghost: (laughs) Oh, I do. I'm sorry Ned! (punches Ned)

Ned: (standing up) Salutations! I'm Ned Stark, and I'm Ned's cousin! (looks at camera briefly, then walks away)

Space Ghost: Wait, I've got a cousin! (laughs) Why do you people keep naming me Ned?

Zorak: Ned's a name!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, this is what I tell people. When I'm on the road, people flock to me, not because I'm interesting, but because I'm familiar. People flock to me, not because I'm interesting, but because I'm familiar.

Zorak: Oh, I get it.

Space Ghost: People flock to me because I'm interesting. People flock to me because I'm interesting.

Zorak: You're familiar with the works of Franz Kafka, aren't you?

Space Ghost: (interrupting) Yes, yes I am.

Zorak: Works by someone who is, well, you know.

Space Ghost: Yes, yes I am.

Zorak: Kafka, you say?

Space Ghost: Yes, yes I am.

Zorak: Works by someone who is, well, you know.

Space Ghost: I know him very well, and I know him very well because I've been closely following his work.

Zorak: Works by someone who is not, is that right?

Space Ghost: No, no, it's not, okay?

Zorak: What, is it really?

Space Ghost: (sounding disappointed) You don't know him, and you don't know him, and I don't want to know him. That's why I'm here.

Zorak: Yeah, and you don't know him, either.

Space Ghost: (stressed) Good.

Zorak: (stares back silently)

Space Ghost: (flies off)

Zorak: (laughs) That's him!

Space Ghost: (flies back) That's him!

Zorak: Well, thanks for coming, big guy.

Space Ghost: Yeah, and for nothin'.

Moltar: (throws lever, monitor lowers with Ned)

DENIED

Zorak: Denied!

Space Ghost: (invisos to control room) Moltar, are you available?

Moltar: I'm available, Sarge. You just call me if you need anything.

Sarge: What're you talking about?

Moltar: Um... I'm not available right now. Sorry.

Space Ghost: (burps) Okay, I'll straighten up and fly right, I swear. (yells) I'll never again experience the beauties of the universe if I continue like this!

Zorak: (appears on monitor, laughing)

Space Ghost: What in the name of Vic Tayback is going on right now?

Moltar
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (wrestling announcer voice) HEEEEYYY!

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak, here comes your life! (invokes power bands)

Zorak: But my life!

Space Ghost: Oh, I'm not sure that'll work.

Zorak: Maybe it won't. (slides back to his chair)

Space Ghost: Well, thanks for coming on.

Zorak: I wasn't expecting you.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Zorak: I wasn't expecting you either.

Space Ghost: You didn't even greet me when I walked in!

Zorak: What!

Space Ghost: I greeted you with "Welcome to Cartoon Planet, home of the Cartoon Network."

Zorak: What!

Space Ghost: I am introducing you to America's favorite misspelling bee, "Mr. Hootie". Now, that's a lot of Hootie. And there's no mistaking who's who.

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: I'm very excited to be here. But there's one person who really shouldn't be here, and that's Colonel Mustard.

Zorak: Who's Colonel Mustard?

Space Ghost: (laughing) He's the man in charge of this whole thing. He's the man in charge of all the cartoons, and he decides what's "Cartoon Planet" and what's "Adult Swim". You know, for Christ's sake!

Zorak: What about all the cartoons that aren't Cartoon Planet?

Space Ghost: You know, Cartoon Planet had quite a few missespelling problems in the past. And it took me a while to figure out what was a "misspelling".

Zorak: You spell it wrong!

Space Ghost: Hey, that's what I'm talking about!

Zorak: You misspelled your name!

Space Ghost: Yeah, blame it!

Zorak: You made that up!

Space Ghost: Well, that's just FINE! Now I have to go change clothes.

Zorak: Yeah, change clothes!

Space Ghost: Yeah, change clothes!

Moltar: (throws lever, clothes change to various shades of pink as he speaks)

Space Ghost: Oh, thank you. That was Professor Chaos. I've never been on before, but it was really really cool.

Zorak: That was your prank, right?

Space Ghost: That was real cool! Did you see me do that?

Zorak: Yeah, I saw you do it. And I was, like, "Wow, you really can't do that."

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, here's a letter from Eric Duerrrr.

Zorak: Yee-haw! That's what a prank this is!

Space Ghost: Oh, here's another letter. "Dear Space Ghost, you are a cool dude. Me and the dog are cool, and Cartoon Planet is cool. What's up with Brak and Zorak?"

Zorak: Eh, that's it.

Space Ghost: "Your fan, Brandon."

(As Space Ghost speaks, the monitor lowers with Brandon in it. As the guest host, he sings)

Space Ghost: Thank you, Brandon. We'll look forward to seeing you at Cartoon Planet. (specials
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

In the commissary, I saw a small red sports car. It was just a car, nothing special except for the fact that it was red. It slowly cruised down the street, at a high rate of speed - at least Mach 3.0 was able to break the speed limit in this area. As it passed a stop sign, I saw Danni-! Danniil! The little redheaded genius that she is! Hee hee hee.


The car continued on, going at least Mach 4.0. I was amazed at how quickly it could move; it would pass through red zone, and then suddenly stop and look at me. Or so I thought. The car finally arrived at a red sign, and again, the car immediately backed out and crashed into a tree. The screen flashed again to the Happy Mask Salesman, and Link was there, still wearing the mask. He smiled and waved, but the screen continued to skitter and glitch.


The carriages were gone now, and the crow that hung over the head was still circling the crow. I had no idea what was happening, and as the carriages reappeared, I saw that the crow was gone too. I tried attacking the crow, but the attack would always fail. Link then swam across to the Happy Mask Salesman, and the Happy Mask Salesman smiled at me - not in a friendly fashion, obviously - and the crow flew right into his face.


I was put on the defensive, and Link quickly dodged the attack. Then the screen flashed again to the Happy Mask Salesman, and Link turned to face the screen. There was no animation, no sound, just the Happy Mask Salesman's sad face. I quickly pressed A, and the screen again skipped all sound and froze.


The animation finished, and the screen finally displayed the text:


"You Can't Bring Back The Dead."


This message was very scary for me. It literally said "You Can't Get The Dead." The word "dead" appeared for a brief moment on the screen, and the word "canned" for a few seconds. The screen then flashed again to the Happy Mask Salesman, and Link turned to face the camera. There was no animation, no sound, just the sad face of the mask seller. I pressed A, and the screen again skipped all sound and froze.


The face was that of the mask seller, but there was no blood, and my insides were ashen. I tried attacking the mask seller, but the attack would always fail. I checked out the mask seller - he was standing there, holding a mask - and the Happy Mask Salesman smiled at me. I had never seen this happen before, and he had never smiled before. He flashed a sly grin at me and ran off giggling.


The mask seller cursed under his breath, and the screen flashed again to the Happy Mask Salesman, and Link turned to face the camera. There was no animation, no sound, just the mask seller's face. I tried attacking the mask seller, but the attack would always fail. I checked out the mask seller - he was standing there, holding a mask - and the Happy Mask Salesman smiled at me. I had never seen this happen before, and he had never smiled before. He flashed a sly grin at me and ran off giggling again.


The mask seller cursed under his breath, and the mask seller cursed again. I couldn't attack the mask seller either, I was afraid it would work, but I didn't want to give it a direct hit, just because I couldn't see it. I tried attacking the mask seller - which didn't seem to bother him - but the attack did nothing. I tried attacking the mask seller - which didn't seem to bother him either. His face was covered in what looked like tears, and he was crying, clearly angered by this. I tried attacking the mask seller - which didn't seem to bother him either. His face was covered with what looked like tears, and he was crying, clearly angered by this. After a moment, I stood up, and approached the mask seller. I asked for a mask, and the mask seller handed me a mask. It was a Halloween mask, and there were faces on it depicting what looked like victims' faces, with the words "You Can't Reverse Your Mistakes" stamped on the front.


I placed the mask down, and I was greeted by the message "You Have To Accept Your Mistakes." I was confused by this message, because usually these are things that don't shock me, I just don't find them shocking. I still stood up, and approached the mask seller. I asked for a mask, and the mask seller handed me a mask. It was a Halloween mask, and there were faces on it depicting what looked like victims' faces, with the words "You Have To Accept
====================
BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and physician Dr. Maxcy Nolan, along with singer John Flansburgh. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (wearing a cap) On the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Space Ghost: (invisos to stage) Zorak! The Hollywood Walk of Fame. Roll call! Zorak! The Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Zorak: (does the lion dance)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: (does the lion dance again)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zor
====================
Zorak: I didn't even hear her talking!

Space Ghost: (stands up) Alright, ladies and gentlemen, host of Entertainment Tonight, let's get started.

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Entertainment Tonight", where we'll take a closer look at some of the big names in entertainment, and discuss their forthcoming movies and television series.

Grandpa Ghostal: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Grandpa Ghostal! Welcome to another edition of "Entertainment Tonight", where we'll take a closer look at some of the big names in entertainment, and discuss their forthcoming movies and television series.

Tansut: Please welcome some of your new friends! Here's Dre, the new kid on the block, and Zorak, the new homie.

Grandpa Ghostal: (in the studio, as Zorak) Welcome to the block, and I'm Grandpa Ghostal!

Zorak: (laughs) How's your grandpa?

Grandpa Ghostal: Well, he's a blockhead, really.

Zorak: Well, he's a blockhead, really.

Grandpa Ghostal: I like a good duel, don't I?

Zorak: (laughing) Yeah, I like a good duel.

Grandpa Ghostal: You're a good kid, Tanny! (laughs)

Tansut: (in studio) You guys know what I like?

Grandpa Ghostal: You know what I don't like?

Zorak: (laughs) Hi, Grandpa! (laughs)

Grandpa Ghostal: Dueling is bad.

Tansut: Hey, let's say hi to some of my old YouTube friends! (mumbles his way to control room)

Grandpa Ghostal: (in studio) I'm gonna take a while! You guys, stay here! We're gonna need a bigger crew to pull this off. (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, Grandpa, what're you going on about?

Grandpa Ghostal: (in studio) I'm trying to think of a way to shut down the station, so the kids can spend more time indoors.

Zorak: So there'd be more room for the kids.

Grandpa Ghostal: (in studio) Yes! More room for the kids means more money!

Zorak: (laughs) I can't see any money! (he tries to shut down the power bands, but they don't work)

Grandpa Ghostal: (in studio) Money! Yes, more money!

Zorak: (laughs) That's what I thought!

(Credits roll)

Tansut: (harp music)

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Erik Estrada is on control room monitor, putting on make-up. As Moltar speaks, monitor shows text:)

02.09.80
TIGHT FIT

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) As we reveal the details of tomorrow's show, watch as I enchant you with a little something.

Zorak: (in background) There's a dollop of wax! (winks)

Moltar: (laughs) Awww, I'm sorry. (throws lever, Erik reappears in background)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, with subtitles) There's a dollop of wax! (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Zorak: (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Space Ghost: (subtitle: SIMPSY DIET)

Moltar: (subtitle: MUFF WITS)

Erik Estrada: (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Space Ghost: (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Moltar: (subtitle: MUFF WITS)

Zorak: (subtitle: MUFF WITS)

Space Ghost: (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Zorak: (subtitle: MUFF WITS)

Space Ghost: (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Zorak: (subtitle: MUFF WITS)

Space Ghost: (subtitle: STAY TAPPING ELLS)

Zorak: (subtitle: MUFF WITS)

M
====================
(Space Ghost invisos out, the bear waits patiently)

Space Ghost: (off camera) Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show.

Zorak: Shark, what's your name?!

Space Ghost: Zorak, you know, don't you...

Zorak: What Shark?!

Space Ghost: That's right, and here's my name, Willie.

Willie Nelson: Hello, and thank you for being on the show.

Space Ghost: Yes, yes, I'm...

Zorak: Shark, tell me your name!

Space Ghost: Zorak.

Zorak: What Shark?!

(Camera switches from Space Ghost to Willie's face)

Space Ghost: Who's that bear?

Willie Nelson: (laughing) You know, I actually found a couple of these beauties when I was searching for fossils. You know, I was diggin' for this one, I swear!

Space Ghost: (stares at Willie)

Willie Nelson: (stares back)

Space Ghost: (stares at camera)

Zorak: Hey! Dork!

Space Ghost: (walks over to Zorak, laughing)

Zorak: What are you laughing at?

Space Ghost: (laughing) I'm laughing because I found this beautiful girl when I was searching for... fossils. (laughs)

Zorak: Oh! Hey, cousin! (camera switches back to Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, with projector sounds) Sorry, Willie, but we're in a hurry, and the show must go on. (continues laughing) (stops laughing) (throws lever, the projector goes back to static) That's how I defeated Dagon. (continues laughing) That's how I defeated Dagon, baby! One swing of my bad knee!

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (laughing) You're a bad person, and a bad friend. (evil laugh)

Willie Nelson: Well, she was a lovely person, I'll tell you that. But you just blew it!

Space Ghost: Yeah, I guess she'd be better off dead.

Zorak: Yeah, she'd be dead, wouldn't she?

Space Ghost: Well, she was dead, but I found a picture of her in the trunk of the car. (evil laugh) I took it.

Zorak: Oh, what's she doin'?

Space Ghost: (picks up picture) This is the picture of the girl. She's beautiful, I tell you.

Zorak: You find her attractive?

Space Ghost: Oh, yes. You find her attractive.

Willie Nelson: (laughing) Yeah, I find her attractive.

Space Ghost: You find her attractive?

Zorak: Yes!

Space Ghost: (make move to the girls) But you don't have any of her clothes!

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (walk over to wardrobe) Where's my Dracula costume?!

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Hello! I'm Space Ghost!

Willie Nelson: Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show.

Space Ghost: Yes, yes, I'm the Space Ghost.

Willie Nelson: Space Ghost, are you challenging us?

Space Ghost: That's right, challenge us, Willie.

Space Ghost: Okay, challenge us!

Willie Nelson: You know, this is what I do when I'm challenged, I just, I do the Elvis thing, and then, you know, the real me, comes out.

Space Ghost: (chuckles) Elvis!

Willie Nelson: You know what?

Space Ghost: Yeah, I know what Elvis is.

Willie Nelson: You know what?

Space Ghost: Yes!

Zorak: (voice-over) Alright, here's Willie.

Willie Nelson: (off camera) Okay.

Space Ghost: (voice-over) Do you have a picture of Wilbur?

Voice: Uh, I gotta lie down for a little while.

Space Ghost: You better get some clothes on him.

Zorak: (voice-over) Okay, here's Wilbur.

Space Ghost: (flies off) To the store! (flies back)

Zorak: Okay, here's Willie. (flies back) To the store!

Space
====================
There was a knock on the door, and when the door opened it was Sebas. As the Sebas walked to the door, Space Ghost stopped in his tracks and opened it himself. He greeted the angry mob, and told them that they were in his apartment now. He then told them that he and Daphne were the only ones that lived here. Daphne and Space Ghost were the only ones that lived here, due to the large size of the house. The mob continued to riot, and the door was then kicked in, and a cart with a Donkey Kong statue rode by. The cart broke down, and the mob continued their rampage through the house. Eventually, Space Ghost had to use the hammer to break the door down. He and Daphne were in the cart when the door was finally swung open.

The cart was full of Donkey Kong related items, including the legendary mask. Among these were several copies of the code for the game, a copy of the game disc, a copy of the Mario hat, a Golden Axe, a Microchip, a Nintendo 64, a N64 cart, a Super Smash Brothers controller, a WonderSwan, and a Winky. All of this was on display for everyone to see. When the Donkey Kong statue was finally displayed, everyone gasped when they saw the mask.

The Mario statue was different. It was a light grey colour, with a small amount of green in it. Some of the green was actually visible through the broken mask, and through the gaps in the mask. People started screaming as the statue approached them. Mario started walking towards the grey statue, when the mask came into view.

The statue was much larger than the Mario statue, and had many broken arms and legs. It also had a mouth that moved rapidly and repeatedly. Through the broken mask, which was almost entirely made of metal, and the mouths that were gaping open, people could see teeth. They screamed when they saw the mask, and when Mario spoke, his voice was distorted and delayed.

After a while, Mario just faded away from the statue, stomping across the ground. He then appeared in some kind of crisis in some kind of forest. He told everyone to run away, saying that he had to use the sword to stop the advancing Bowser. Everyone but one of the trainers and the witch screamed as Mario used the sword to slice through the trees. The two remaining trainers and the witch were forced to run deeper into the forest, away from the path that Mario had taken.

Everyone but the witch was then forced to run through a wooded area with a collapsed ceiling and broken walls. They then appeared in a clearing, where Mario had just defeated Bowser. The two remaining trainers and the witch all ran to the other side of the map, away from the ruins of the old zone.

In the confusion and anger that swept through the ancient ruins, Mario tried to kill the two figurines with the sword, but to no avail. Mario just stood there, staring at the statues. After a while, the statue stopped, and Mario cast the sword into the air, and the earth pony sped away.

The statue had been standing there for quite a while now. When Mario got very close to it, it teleported him away. A dialogue box appeared, and the ancient ruins were opened up to show Mario's corpse. There was no sound for about 30 seconds.

The class selection screen was still empty, and the name of the class was "Resurrection." Mario just stood there, staring at the remains of the game for a few seconds. After that, he selected it. The class selection screen never displayed a class name, and the name "Restoration" once again appeared.

The "Performances" screen remained blank, and the class selection screen did not display a class name. The class name "Restoration" again appeared, and Mario selected it. The game reset, and the class load-out screen for the class that had been "Resurrection" was the same as the default class load-out for the class that had been "Death," or rather, for the class that had been "Resurrection."

The class load-out for "Death" was also the same as the default class load-out for the class that had been "Resurrection," except for one difference: Mario had no hands. Instead, he held a knife that he brandished in a threatening manner, and the knife instantly plunged into the "red" stat block after a short lag.

The "Performances" screen remained blank, and the class load-out for "Death" was the same as the default class load-out for the class that had been "Resurrection," except for one difference: Mario had no eyes. Instead, he had a black head that had the "death" facial expression, and his eyes were replaced by those of a cartoon dog. He made a few other changes to the
====================
I was just thinking of that song. The one about whistles. You know, I really have a soft spot for those kinds of things.

Zorak: Yeah, you do too.

Space Ghost: So, did you like that song?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: 'Cause it sounded so good when you sang it to me.

Zorak: Yeah, well, that's what I was gonna ask you!

Space Ghost: Whoo-wait a minute! How did you know what I was talking about?

Zorak: Well, you know singing is somethin'.

Space Ghost: True! And speaking of which...

Zorak: Speaking of which, was there ever a movie made where the main characters were voiced by Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Space Ghost: Oh, yes! All the time! Ever see "The King of Comedy"?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: Oh, you're aware of that one?

Zorak: No, I don't think anyone does.

Space Ghost: Well, it's all right.

Zorak: There's only one problem!

Space Ghost: What do you mean?

Zorak: The voice actor for this character says anything that's politically incorrect.

Space Ghost: Oh. So what?

Zorak: Anything goes!

Space Ghost: Zakus!

Zorak: Yeah, me too.

Brak: Hey, Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: What?

Brak: Zakus! When did you become such a fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Space Ghost: Oh, uh, I guess it was when I was seven.

Brak: You must have been watching "The King of Comedy" all along.

Space Ghost: You were a big "King of Space" fan when you were seven.

Brak: Yeah, when I was seven.

Space Ghost: You were a big "King of Earth" fan when you were seven.

Brak: Yeah, when I was seven.

Space Ghost: You were a big "King of Time" fan when you were seven.

Brak: Yeah, when I was seven.

Space Ghost: You were a big "King of Honor" fan when you were seven.

Brak: Yeah, when I was seven.

Space Ghost: You were a big "King of Honor" fan when you were seven.

Brak: I was?

Space Ghost: Yes. And you were a big "King of Time" fan when you were seven.

Brak: Oh, when I was seven. Time. Space.

Zorak: I bet you were a big "King of Honor" fan when you were seven.

Space Ghost: I bet you were.

Zorak: Yeah, me too.

Brak: Well, I was a big "King of Time" fan when I was seven.

Space Ghost: When I was seven. Time. Space.

Brak: Yeah, me too.

Space Ghost: So, what do you think of the movie "Cannon Movie"?

Zorak: Cannon Movie?

Space Ghost: Yes. And you know what I thought of it?

Brak: Wow. Wow. I think I did BRAK.

Space Ghost: Yes, you did BRAK.

Zorak: Yes, I did BRAK.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. Good.

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: Zorak, are you aware of the fact that TWO SPACE GHOST CORPSE are forming an alliance?

Zorak: Uhh, yeah, I was thinkin' they'd be forming an alliance with one of the space stations, ya know, the one with the moon?

Space Ghost: Well, they haven't formed an alliance yet, Brak, but that could be because TWO SPACE GHOST CORPSE haven't yet formed an alliance.

Brak: Yeah, well, they haven't formed an alliance yet, BRAK.

Zorak: Yeah, I heard that!

Space Ghost: Well, what's up with that?

Zorak: I think it's a good start for you, Space Ghost, but, you know, you
====================
Space Ghost: (laughs)

Todd Barry: Yeah, I bet you'd like me to.

Zorak: Well, I'd like you to give me a big old ole' lickin' on that.

Todd Barry: What, are ya gonna do that?

Zorak: You better hurry up!

Space Ghost: Moltar, would you like a big ole' lickin'? (flies off)

Zorak: (coughs)

Todd Barry: Um, you know what I thought of that!

Moltar: Well, that's just awesome. That means so much to me!

Todd Barry: I guess I should, I should do something about this.

Moltar: Oh, about... who do you fight?

Todd Barry: Um, I don't know, uh, someone obviously.

Moltar: You fight evil, huh?

Todd Barry: You know what I fight evil?

Moltar: Uh huh.

Todd Barry: You know what I fight evil?

Moltar: Yeah.

Todd Barry: You know what I fight evil?

Moltar: Yeah.

Todd Barry: You know what I fight evil?

Moltar: Oh, wait a minute, I've got a question!

Todd Barry: Oh, thank you, thank you, Moltar.

Moltar: You fight evil, huh?

Todd Barry: Yeah, I fight evil, that's right, I fight evil.

Moltar: You know what I fight evil?

Todd Barry: Uh huh.

Moltar: You know what I fight evil?

Todd Barry: Oh, don't you... (puts hand over his face) You fight evil?

Moltar: I fight evil, thank you very much.

Todd Barry: You're dee-e-evil.

Moltar: Thank you, Todd. That's it. I'm going to fight. I'm going to fight evil.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy. That's all I'm sayin'.

Moltar: Well, you're a good guy. I love you, man.

Todd Barry: No, I don't love you, I didn't come here to get married, I never even saw you coming in.

Moltar: Oh, okay.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Moltar: Really.

Todd Barry: Really.

Moltar: Oh, okay.

Space Ghost: Good.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Really.

Todd Barry: Okay.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Todd Barry: You're a good guy.

Space Ghost: Got it.

Zorak: Hey, you're back at it, buddy.

Todd Barry: You're a little confused, are you ok?

Zorak: Yeah.

Todd Barry: What's so confused about it?

Zorak: I think... you're bringing this up because you're jealous.

Todd Barry: (laughs) No, it's all my fault.

Zorak: You didn't warn me.

Todd Barry: Oh.

Space Ghost: You didn't warn me about this, did you?

Todd Barry: You didn't warn me about this...

Space Ghost: You didn't warn me about this, did you? You just brushed it off as a coincidence. As if it were some kind of cosmic bug.

Todd Barry: You're a space man, aren't you?

Space Ghost: Uh, no. I'm a space bug.

Todd Barry: You're a space man, and space bugs don't have jobs.

Space Ghost: Uh, you're right, they don't. Good night, everybody.

(Credits roll)

Todd Barry: What can I say, I'm very honored to have been invited.

(Stands up)

Todd Barry: Wow. What
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, fearless space criminal, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh huh. And, does that say "Sci-Fi Con '97"?

Zorak: Y'know, I believe it does.

Space Ghost: And when was this 'quote' 'unquote' "Sci-Fi Con '97"?

Zorak: Oh, uh, last weekend.

Space Ghost: (stares in silence)

Zorak: And, all last week.

Space Ghost: Here? On Ghost Planet? Why wasn't I invited?

Zorak: We only invite guests of honor, everyone else is $4.50 a day, or twelve bucks for the weekend.

Space Ghost: Really! That's a lot!

Zorak: Oh yeah.

Space Ghost: Well then, who was your "guest of honor"?

Zorak: Bill Mumy.

Moltar: He signed my helmet.

Space Ghost: Bill Mumy? You honored Bill Mumy? What did the fa-a-amous Bill Mumy do to get invited.

Moltar: Oh, only "Babylon 5"...

Zorak: "Lost in Space"...

Moltar: "Twilight Zone"...

Zorak: "Space Cases"...

Moltar: Oh, and he was the only one to play the child version of Darin Stevens on "Bewitched". (monitor shows Zorak, with text:)

CAM 152

STEP 132
THE ENTIRE
APPARATUS IS
THEN VIBRATED
UP AND DOWN

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk while they talk)

Zorak: "Bewitched" isn't sci-fi.

Moltar: Shut up, Zorak!

Zorak: It's got witches.

Space Ghost: Okay, yeah it is. Duh!

Moltar: "Bewitched" isn't sci-fi!

Zorak: It's got witches!

Space Ghost: Oh, my.

Moltar: It's got wires! And, uh, monsters!

Zorak: And you got to battle the monsters!

Space Ghost: Yes, yes, I did. Zorak, what's green?

Zorak: Eh, I'm forgetin' it. What's blue?

Space Ghost: Oh... YOU DIDN'T LIST IT!

Zorak: Well, there you go.

Space Ghost: It's not a question! It's a comment!

Moltar: It's a comment!

Space Ghost: A comment! Zorak, if you had a comment for me.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: I would like to have a comment for you.

Zorak: Well, why don't you?

Space Ghost: Oh, you want a comment from me? Okay, so I'm gonna say this.

Zorak: You're so stupid. You can't even argue.

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I thought.

Zorak: It's called "argument mode".

Space Ghost: I'm in love with you, Zorak.

Zorak: With what?

Space Ghost: (quietly) With being stupid.

Zorak: Well, that's what I thought.

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I thought.

Zorak: What do you mean?

Space Ghost: What I thought was stupid. And you're stupid for not noticing.

Zorak: You didn't even notice I had a tattoo.

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, this is Tansut. Welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma! What's that now? Mmmomma! What's that now?

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So, what's your real name?

Space Ghost: Zorak.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: (laughs)

Zorak: You're weird.

Space Ghost: Uh, you're not weird. You're a freak.

Zorak: Well, I'm glad you're weird.

Space Ghost: Freak! Now, tell us about your amazing body.

Zorak: (blinks) Eh, eh, yeah. Uh, I'm.. strong. I dig.

Space Ghost: You're freakin' me out, aren't you Zorak?

Zorak: Eh, not really.

Space Ghost: You need help. Call Dr. Nightmare.

Zorak: But why am I on this show?

Space Ghost: Because you're a freak.

Zorak: Wait, I thought I was over here! (blinks)

Space Ghost: You are freakin' me out, aren't you Zorak?

Zorak: No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be disrespectful.

Space Ghost: This is all your fault, you're a sweet and simple boy. I'm Gene Simmons, everybody's Gene Simmons. Now, Gene, everybody has to do what you tell them to do.

Gene Simmons: Okay.

Space Ghost: But you're different. You have your own style.

Gene Simmons: Yeah. Um, I wear a hood.

Space Ghost: I don't watch your show.

Gene Simmons: I do.

Space Ghost: I don't watch your show, I don't watch your show. I don't watch your show, I don't watch your show.

Gene Simmons: You're so naive.

Space Ghost: I'm smarter than that. More than that, I'm a master at hiding myself. Like a hawk.

Gene Simmons: Well...

Space Ghost: As a hawk.

Gene Simmons: Well, that's what a lot of people are afraid of.\

Space Ghost: Don't you feel bad for making me feel bad? It's true! I'm a damn hawk!

Gene Simmons: You are a very bad person. And I will punish you for what you've done. (punishment phase ends)

Space Ghost: (punishment phase begins) I'm sorry, Gene, I, I, I did not mean that. That was supposed to be a joke.

Gene Simmons: Well...

Space Ghost: Come on, Gene, not that it's really a surprise. All those things you did to me a few years ago...

Gene Simmons: Really?

Space Ghost: Exactly.

Gene Simmons: (shouts) You made a video about me! You posted it on your Facebook wall.

Space Ghost: (looks at mirror) Yup.

Gene Simmons: (shouts) You're talking about my video!

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) It's real, Gene. It's real.

Gene Simmons: Thank you.

Space Ghost: It's real, Gene, and you're talking about it now.

Gene Simmons: Thank you.

Space Ghost: It's real, Gene, and you're talking about it now.

Gene Simmons: Thank you.

Space Ghost: It's real, Gene, and you're talking about it now.

Gene Simmons: Thank you.

Space Ghost: (quietly) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Gene Simmons: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (glares at mirror) (his voice is distorted; he echoes "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa")

Gene Simmons: (laughs)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (stares at mirror)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (glares at mirror)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (glares at mirror)

Zorak: (laughs)

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) How about this?

Zorak: "I suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness?"

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (silence) Pat.

Pat Boone: (nods)

Chuck D: (laughs)

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) Pat, have you ever been to the edge of outer space?

Pat Boone: No.

Space Ghost: Outside of outer space, what do you mean?

Pat Boone: Outside of outer space, uh, I meant, you know, don't you think about that?

Space Ghost: (stares at Pat)

Pat Boone: You know, you seem to have this whole other thing going on.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Pat Boone: You know, you seem, you have this whole other thing figured out.

Space Ghost: (stares at Pat)

Pat Boone: I have my own TV show, I'm not on any network, I'm, you know, I'm an independent filmmaker. You've seen my stuff. You know what I'm talkin' about.

Space Ghost: Oh, you've seen all my stuff!

Pat Boone: Yes, I saw some of it.

Space Ghost: And all of it was good!

Pat Boone: Yeah.

Space Ghost: I love you, Pat.

Pat Boone: Thank you. (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, how's your butt?

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: How's your butt?

Space Ghost: Well... (growls)

Zorak: Well, you're an expert! (growls)

Space Ghost: Knock it off!

Pat Boone: Space Ghost, would you like to practice saying "shutup" with me?

Space Ghost: Sure, whatever. How about "shutup, shutup, shutup"?

Pat Boone: Okay.

Space Ghost: There we go.

Pat Boone: There's probably a lot of good ideas that go in this pot.

Space Ghost: (starts stirring)

Pat Boone: And you in there, you know, and you're like a cowboy, like, with that big head...

Space Ghost: (stops stirring) There, Pat, that's enough. Let's go to the big head.

Pat Boone: Okay, thank you.

Space Ghost: More than a cowboy, Pat. You're a superhero, and a cartoon superhero.

Pat Boone: (laughing) Well, that's what I was gonna ask you!

Space Ghost: (begins punching Pat in the stomach)

Pat Boone: You're a cartoon superhero, not Pat Boone.

Space Ghost: I ... I know that.

Pat Boone: Well, you're a cartoon superhero, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: (sighs)

Pat Boone: So, you think I should be a superhero?

Space Ghost: You think so, Pat, and you're a cartoon superhero, not Pat Boone.

Pat Boone: You know what, you're funny. I laughed at you.

Space Ghost: I didn't laugh at you. I laughed at you.

Pat Boone: Seriously?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Pat Boone: You know why you laughed at me? Because I'm funny.

Space Ghost: Yeah. So, you're a cartoon superhero, not Pat Boone.

Pat Boone: (laughing) Okay.

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

Pat Boone: (each with a different laugh)

Space Ghost: I'm curious, are you homicidal?

Pat Boone:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi, I'm Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, just Beck. My work is done here, I'm going home. (remains silent during rest of opening titles & subtitles) That was very good, thank you. I'm back.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) My work is done here, I'm going home.

Tansut: Oh, really?

Space Ghost: You work for me, don't you?

Tansut: Yeah, and I'll give you a big old lump sum for every time you dumb little blip.

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Thank you very much, this was a very long show. (invisos to desk again) And there was a lot of stuff that I didn't talk about in the interview.

Beck: (on monitor, as it lowers from ceiling) Oh, thank you.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Beck: Thank you, thank you, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

Space Ghost: Don't you ever forget that famous interview.

Beck: Yeah, of course.

Space Ghost: You ever take 'em for a spin?

Beck: Uh, yeah, of course.

Space Ghost: But I never take 'em for a spin!

Beck: (shouts) I'm sorry!

Space Ghost: Because I'm better than that! I'm a one-man band of rock 'n' roll!

Beck: I, I mean, you're not really Space Ghost, are ya?

Space Ghost: Well, no! I'm not really...

Beck: (shouts) I'm sorry!

Space Ghost: Well, that's okay, forget it!

Beck: (shouts) I'm sorry, what did I say?

Space Ghost: You're not really Space Ghost, are ya?

Beck: (shouts) I am not!

Space Ghost: For the love of Mike! (starts to roll away)

Beck: (shouts) I love a good big lump of coal!

Space Ghost: That's some great hair. I wish I had a piece of it!

Beck: (waves) Thank you, thank you, I'm sorry, it's, I'm looking through your eyes, I'm like a fox in there, and I'm coming out, and I'm coming through the red door.

Space Ghost: (flies from his desk, flies back with Beck)

Beck: (standing by Space Ghost's desk) Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was just thinking of that big lump of coal. You know it, I know it.

Space Ghost: It's beautiful.

Beck: Yeah, it's, it's nice hair.

Space Ghost: Isn't it?

Beck: (walks toward Space Ghost's desk, with Beck) It's a shame, is all.

Space Ghost: It is a shame, isn't it? You know it.

Beck: Yeah, it's, it's beautiful, I, I live in the South, and you don't dare step foot in there without my permission.

Space Ghost: (flies back with Beck)

Beck: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Bad breath. And I hate this job! It's why I started this show. So I could have a wife and kids and all the fun in the world! And then you show up and ruin everything! (flies back with Beck)

Beck: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I hate this job! I hate everyone!

Beck: Yeah, I hate you!

Space Ghost: And now, the end.

Beck: (flies back with Beck)

Space Ghost: Well, that's that. I hate you, and I'll do anything I want to destroy you! (flies back with Beck)

Beck: (flies back with Beck)

Space Ghost: You want to destroy me? Fine! We'll get right on that!

Beck: (flies back with Beck)

Space Ghost: You're a loser, man!

Beck: (sticks tongue out at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: What, are ya gonna do about it?

Beck: Well, I, I think I'll just use the Force.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. Well, that's gonna happen.

Beck: (starts to walk away)

Space Ghost: Now, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Are you going to follow me?

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) How does it feel to be so incredibly loved?

Zorak: It feels like I'm a Mossad asset to this very moment!

Space Ghost: You're a Mossad asset too, aren't you, Zorak?

Zorak: You are, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Yes, I'm aware of that.

Zorak: So, you're saying if I were to embrace the mystical state known as "eternity", I would be empowered to unleash an unstoppable tidal wave of hatred against all life on Earth!

Space Ghost: You mean something like that would actually work.

Zorak: You're awfully generous of giving me a "T" for success! (starts playing techno music again)

Space Ghost: (stops playing) What did I just do? (stops playing)

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: I accidentally struck my head on the lap of one of my lieutenants!

Zorak: You didn't!

Space Ghost: Oh, fine! You can keep your hat!

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: I'm back. Let's start again.

Zorak: Oh, I forgot about that.

Space Ghost: Yes, you will! Soon we will be opening the floodgates to the Black Canyon, shall we?

(Zorak resumes playing his techno music)

Zorak: (plays a reprise of "Let It Snow" from previous song, with extra snowflakes)

Space Ghost: (invisos to control room) Zorak, you are fired.

Zorak: Ohhhh, what a gyp.

Space Ghost: Are you f(BLEEP)ed up?

Zorak: Eh, yeah.

Moltar: Look, you (BLEEP)ed up, and now you're blacking out. We're doomed.

Space Ghost: Shut up, you brainless baloney-headed boob!

Moltar: That's what you're doing!

Zorak: You shut up!

Space Ghost: You made up a boob! Did you eat it?

Zorak: Eh, you're not gonna get rich on that account.

Space Ghost: No, I ate it.

Zorak: You didn't even know there was a rich girl's breakfast!

Space Ghost: Oh, you didn't know there was a rich girl's breakfast!

Moltar: Shut up, fat boy!

Zorak: (CONT'D)

(In control room)

Space Ghost: Hello!

Moltar: Hello!

Chad Ghostal: Hello!

Zorak: Hello!

Moltar: Hello!

Chad Ghostal: Hello!

Zorak: Hello!

Moltar: Hello!

Chad Ghostal: Hello!

Space Ghost: Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show!

Chad Ghostal: Now, that's a lot of jelly!

Chad Ghostal: You shoulda put that in your mouth.

Chad Ghostal: Thank you.

Zorak: Hello, Pooh!

Poo: Hey, Charmeleon! Wieners biebers! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Chad Ghostal: Now, that's a lot of jelly!

Chad Ghostal: You shoulda put that in your mouth.

Chad Ghostal: Thank you.

Zorak: Hello, Pooh!

Poo: Hey, Charmeleon! Wieners biebers! Ack! Ack!

Chad Ghostal: Now, that's a lot of jelly!

Chad Ghostal: You shoulda put that in your mouth.

Poo: Hey, Charmeleon, what's that on your head?

Ch
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh, it's a monkey on a stick.

Zorak: A cap? What is that, and what's inside it?

Space Ghost: Uh, a symbol, a way of life.

Zorak: Ahat!

Space Ghost: This, "It's a monkey on a stick!" man, what's that got to do with it?

Zorak: Ahat!

Space Ghost: Oh, that's right, a hat. And, there's the key.

Zorak: A hat? Well, maybe you'll find it.

Space Ghost: Not a hat! I'm looking for a key.

Zorak: A key? Well, maybe you'll find it.

Space Ghost: Look, Zorak, we'll look for a key, and we'll look for a fun hat with a big monkey on it.

Zorak: Key! We'll look for a hat with a big monkey on it.

Space Ghost: And the monkey won't be wearing a cap.

Zorak: A cap? You mean a cap with a monkey on it?

Space Ghost: Yeah, I think it's a good idea. We look forward to it.

Zorak: Yeah, well, thanks.

Space Ghost: You look great! And, I think you look great! I think you look great!

Zorak: Yeah, I know, man, it's all thanks to us, Space Ghost! You make all the men look so hot!

Space Ghost: Shut up, Zorak.

Zorak: (bloonk)

(Space Ghost zaps Zorak)

Zorak: AAAAAAAA! (key chain rattles)

Space Ghost: (bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bl
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, fearless space criminal, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: And what about Metzenbaum, and Brooks?

Space Ghost: And Metzenbaum, and Brooks! And I also want to tell you, there's nothing I like more than being on the show with Zorak and Brak! And here's a letter from Judy Collins, Randolph-Mask.

Zorak: Yeow!

Space Ghost: And tonight, we're bringing you back some sweet, salty, tangy, nutritionally complete junk food! Mmm! Dinky-dinky-dinky! (drops into his desk and disappears with a clunk)

Zorak: Uh, whattya gonna do without that, Whatchya got?

Moltar: (reading mail) Hello, my name is Moltar, and here is a letter from Dave in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

Space Ghost: That's neat! Zorak and Brak, what's wrong with your voices?

Zorak: Eh...

Brak: Hey, Zorak, what's wrong with your voice?

Zorak: Eh...

Brak: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

Space Ghost: (droning on and on about Zorak and Brak) Hear this!

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: (continuing) Now, enjoy your stay in a tropical prison pod as I pleasure myself in the most exotic of places, the Amazon! (flies over to Zorak and Brak)

Zorak: Ewww! You don't know what you're doin' here!

Space Ghost: (laughing)

Zorak: What are you doin' here?

Space Ghost: (still laughing) I came here from the Amazon, to pick up some cheap eggs! (flies back to his desk) So, what are you doin' here?

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: So, what are you doing in the Amazon?

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: Because I want to start a band! And get rich! So, come on!

Zorak: You rich, you scary dummy!

Space Ghost: (still laughing) Starting a band! And rich! So, what are you gonna do with me?

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: I'll give you an idea! You wanna be rich, right?

Zorak: Why?

Space Ghost: Because rich people are always rich.

Zorak: Ohhhhh...

Space Ghost: And poor people are always poor.

Zorak: (distraught) What an uninspired idea!

Space Ghost: You want to make poor people rich?

Zorak: What's uninspired about me?

(Credits roll)

Space Ghost: You're so uninspired. You're like the guy from "Nick in the Fifth Element" with his motor skills. Uninspired.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

(Space Ghost starts to inviso in)

Moltar: Greetings, this is Moltar, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Hello, I'm Space Ghost! What brings you to these parts? (cries)

Zorak: Now would I be so funny?

Space Ghost: Well, since nobody's home right now, I'm gonna go talk to the guest.

Zorak: Then come get some!

Space Ghost: Okay, first I want to know
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, welcome to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in the cellar! Close all the shutters and chain down the cows! There's a comedy twister comin'! Here's Spaaace Ghooost!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Moltar, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.

Moltar: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?

Space Ghost: And who's that with, Moltar?

Moltar: Your host, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: I'm not lying when I say I'm really excited about this new feature. But we'll save that for later in the show. Let's get to know our contestants, shall we?

(Drum roll & big band intro from Way Outs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk; David and Bob are on the monitor as it lowers) Welcome to the big screen, citizens.

David Cross: Thank you very much. Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Thank you ever so much.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Bob Odenkirk: Is it, what, is it Mr. Ghost, or can we just call you Space?

David Cross: Or S. Ghost?

Space Ghost: The Native Americans call me "Broken wind clap like thunder".

David Cross: Okay.

Bob Odenkirk: Alright.

Space Ghost: But you may call me Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, Mr. Ghost.

David Cross: Yeah, Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Mr. Ghost.

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

David Cross: Oh, uh, I'm David Cross... (points at himself)

Bob Odenkirk: And I'm Bob Odenkirk. Did I say my name right?

David Cross: Yeah.

Bob Odenkirk: God, it's a tough name to say.

Space Ghost: How long have you had it?

Bob Odenkirk: I just got it. Uh, Bob Odenkirk.

David Cross: It, it sounds good.

Bob Odenkirk: But you know how I said it, I said "Baa Bodenkirk".

Space Ghost: Don't worry about it, Baa. Moltar can fix it in the edit.

Bob Odenkirk: Hello, Moltar. I, just cut that out for me, will ya? Thanks, pal.

Moltar: Too late, "pal".

Space Ghost: Ever been interviewed by a cartoon superhero before?

David Cross: Uh, this is my fifth, si- no, never.

Bob Odenkirk: And I have never, ever, this is a real treat for me, and I've never even been to outer space before this. Unless you count some, uh, parties that I had in college. (laughs)

David Cross: (laughs) Right on! (they give each other "five")

Space Ghost: I know what you mean. At superhero night school, we once had a mixer that lasted until ten PM.

Zorak: Oh no, not the night school story!

Space Ghost: I had fourteen cups of ginger ale, and wet my...

Zorak: Stop!

Moltar: Stop!

Space Ghost: What, I wet my pants. I'm not ashamed, I was young.

Zorak: You were in your mid-twenties!

Space Ghost: I was quite the cut-up. I bet you two were class clowns.

Bob Odenkirk: I, David was a class clown, I used to just laugh at him.

David Cross: But I was literally a clown, I used to come in to school with the grease paint, the wig, and the floppy shoes, and a (makes "horn honk" hand gesture & sound).

Bob Odenkirk: A sad clown.

David Cross: Yeah, sad, and I would go (sad voice) "Did somebody order a clown?"

Space Ghost: So, what are your superpowers
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love! Moltar, please play the keyboard and introduce the guest.

Moltar: (plays a snappy song) Zorak, play the piano.

Zorak: (plays a snappy song)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Hello! Where are we? (singing) Soup is on the stove, and someone spilled some soup!

Moltar: Where... Did... I...

Space Ghost: All right! Just give the people what they want! Got it?

Zorak: Aggh! Nobody wants soup!

Space Ghost: You mean everybody wants soup!

Zorak: (popping up in saucer pod) Hey! Where'd I...

Space Ghost: I'm giving you what you want! Get in there and get soup!

Zorak: (takes out a saucer pod) Hey! Where'd I get soup?

(Space Ghost invisos to control room)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Welcome to my show, you people.

Moltar: Uh... where is she?

Space Ghost: You see, Mr. Hidy, this is Hidy Hanna-Barbarian week, week.

Moltar: Ah ha ha ha ha ha!! Is that what she's doin' here?

Space Ghost: Yes. (invisos to desk) She's back, she's back, she's back, and here's her director, and also Batman, and Robin Leach, and...

Zorak: Choueh!

Space Ghost: Oh, good. Well, here's Zorak with the camera, take a look.

Zorak: So, do you think I'm going to be able to take LSD?

Space Ghost: (still under his desk) LSD is illegal in the United States.

Zorak: Yeah, but... why shouldn't it be? After all, it's a recreational drug.

Space Ghost: It's a drug that makes you feel like a cowboy! (jackhammer sound in background) And there's the added bonus of being able to shoot things with your mouth.

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: And because I'll be dead! (jackhammer sound in background) Oh yeah! (jackhammer sound in background)

Zorak: Choueh!

Space Ghost: So, what are your superpowers?

Zorak: Who, me? Or Brak?

Space Ghost: No, Zorak. You're amazing! Think I'll boost my power by tenfold! (jackhammer sound in background) That should do it.

Zorak: Ten-thousand dollars?

Space Ghost: You bet me ten grand! What do you want?

Zorak: I want to be the talk of the show.

Space Ghost: (shouts) I want to be the talk of the show!

Zorak: How about a tuba?

Space Ghost: (quietly) You bet me on that. (normal voice) Look, I'm rich, you're poor, right?

Zorak: You're rich!

Space Ghost: Yeah!

Zorak: I bet you two are rich!

Space Ghost: We're rich!

Zorak: We are!

Moltar: Shut up, Zorak!

Zorak: We are too!

Space Ghost: We're rich!

Brak: Hey, Zorak, where'd you get that sweater?

Zorak: It was in a shake.

Space Ghost: Shake Shack?

Zorak: Yes.

Space Ghost: Shake Shack!

Zorak: Yes!

Space Ghost: Where'd you get that sweater?

Zorak: It was in a shake.

Space Ghost: Shake Shack!

Zorak: Yes.

Space Ghost: Did you really just say that?

Zorak: Did I?

Space Ghost: Yes!

Zorak: (pause) You were trying to do that with that sweater!

Space Ghost: Yes! Have you ever been to a steakhouse?

Brak: Yes.

Space Ghost: What have you ever been to Steakhouse?

Brak: Well, there's a steakhouse right next door
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, welcome to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in the cellar! Close all the shutters and chain down the cows! There's a comedy twister comin'! Here's Spaaace Ghooost!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Moltar, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.

Moltar: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?

Space Ghost: And who's that with, Moltar?

Moltar: Your host, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: I'm not lying when I say I'm really excited about this new feature. But we'll save that for later in the show. Let's get to know our contestants, shall we?

(Drum roll & big band intro from Way Outs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk; David and Bob are on the monitor as it lowers) Welcome to the big show, citizens.

David Cross: Thank you very much. Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Thank you ever so much.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Bob Odenkirk: Is it, what, is it Mr. Ghost, or can we just call you Space?

David Cross: Or S. Ghost?

Space Ghost: The Native Americans call me "Broken wind clap like thunder".

David Cross: Okay.

Bob Odenkirk: Alright.

Space Ghost: But you may call me Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, Mr. Ghost.

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

David Cross: Oh, uh, I'm David Cross... (points at himself)

Bob Odenkirk: And I'm Bob Odenkirk. Did I say my name right?

David Cross: Yeah.

Bob Odenkirk: God, it's a tough name to say.

Space Ghost: How long have you had it?

Bob Odenkirk: I just got it. Uh, Bob Odenkirk.

David Cross: It, it sounds good.

Bob Odenkirk: But you know how I said it, I said "Baa Bodenkirk".

Space Ghost: Don't worry about it, Baa. Moltar can fix it in the edit.

Bob Odenkirk: Hello, Moltar. I, just cut that out for me, will ya? Thanks, pal.

Moltar: Too late, "pal".

Space Ghost: Ever been interviewed by a cartoon superhero before?

David Cross: Uh, this is my fifth, si- no, never.

Bob Odenkirk: And I have never, ever, this is a real treat for me, and I've never even been to outer space before this. Unless you count some, uh, parties that I had in college. (laughs)

David Cross: (laughing) Right on! (they give each other "five")

Space Ghost: I know what you mean. At superhero night school, we once had a mixer that lasted until ten PM.

Zorak: Oh no, not the night school story!

Space Ghost: I had fourteen cups of ginger ale, and wet my...

Zorak: Stop!

Moltar: Stop!

Space Ghost: What, I wet my pants. I'm not ashamed, I was young.

Zorak: You were in your mid-twenties!

Space Ghost: I was quite the cut-up. I bet you two were class clowns.

Bob Odenkirk: I, David was a class clown, I used to just laugh at him.

David Cross: But I was literally a clown, I used to come in to school with the grease paint, the wig, and the floppy shoes, and a (makes "horn honk" hand gesture & sound).

Bob Odenkirk: A sad clown.

David Cross: Yeah, sad, and I would go (sad voice) "Did somebody order a clown?"

Space Ghost: So, what are your superpowers?

Zorak: Who, me?

Space Ghost: No, Dave and Baa
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio State University Professor Emeritus Lester Bangs, and Grammy Award winning singer Beck. Plus, there's a special surprise guest - a famous singer, that is. (band intro music) And, speaking of special guests, tonight's guest is Metallica's Lars Ulrich. (band intro music) Well, that's all I got. We done here? Good. (band plays final theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Grammy Award winning singer Beck, and Ohio State University Professor Emeritus Lester Bangs. Did I read correctly? Did I read correctly?

Zorak: Nope!

Space Ghost: Oh well, that's the end of the show. I mean, what do you guys plan to do with this giant meat hook?

Zorak: We're going to reuse it!

Space Ghost: Really? And what about my other, uh, beefless appendage?

Zorak: Uh, I don't know. I don't think it's beef.

Space Ghost: Well, it looks like you didn't bother to check. All the lights, all the S's, and the X's are gone. Except for my hook, which is still there, just waiting to be hooked.

Zorak: Hey, what's that?

Space Ghost: Ladies and gentlemen, meat hook.

Beck: Hey, Lester, what's your beef?

Lester Bangs: I don't eat meat!

Beck: That's right. You're a vegetarian, Lester. Why do you eat meat?

Lester Bangs: Well, you know, I was raised on a diet of meat.

Beck: That's weird.

Lester Bangs: Uh, I guess because my parents didn't eat it.

Beck: Your parents aren't vegetarians?

Lester Bangs: Your parents are meat eaters, don't you think?

Beck: Yeah, I was raised on a meat-heavy diet.

Lester Bangs: You're really going on about something, aren't you?

Space Ghost: Lester, I'm a meat eater. My Mom always tells me that. And I'm glad she tells me that. But she doesn't eat meat, does she?

Beck: Yeah, she's got chops.

Space Ghost: (starts eating his sandwich) And she doesn't eat meat, does she?

Beck: Yeah, she's got chops.

Space Ghost: (continuing) So she doesn't eat meat, doesn't she?

Beck: You're just as good as me!

Space Ghost: (pauses eating his sandwich) As a matter of fact, she is. And as a matter of fact, she's gonna eat meat with you!

Beck: (makes sandwich with his mouth) Yeah, she is.

Space Ghost: (eating his sandwich) As a matter of fact, she is. And as a matter of fact, she's gonna eat meat with you!

Beck: (makes sandwich with his mouth) Yeah, she is.

Space Ghost: As a matter of fact, she is! (makes same motion with his hands, making sandwich) She's gonna eat meat with YOU!

Beck: (makes same motion with his hands, making sandwich) Yeah, she is!

Space Ghost: As a matter of fact, she is! (makes sandwich motion with his mouth, making sound effect "eat" with his hands)

Beck: (makes motion with his hands, making sound effect "eat") Yeah!

Space Ghost: As a matter of fact, she is! (makes sound effect "eh" with his hands)

Beck: (makes motion with his hands, making sound effect "eh" again)

Space Ghost: As a matter of fact, she is! (makes sound effect "eh" with his hands)

Beck: (makes motion with his hands, making sound effect "eh" again)

Space Ghost: As a matter of fact, she is!
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have departments where they should be working, right? (Zorak sings "Zap Zorak") Well, here's Space Ghost, and here's Brak, and here's Hutch. And, uh, here's that creepy old man with the beard. That was a trick, I asked you how old he was, and he turned out to be quite old. (Zorak sings again) "How do you age, Space Ghost?" Well, as you can imagine, there's a lot of moving parts, and no telling where your old man could be.

Brak: (singing) Oooohhhh! The age of love!

Zorak: Yeah, well, here's Brak with the big old scoop.

Brak: (singing) Oooohhhh! The age of love!

Zorak: How do you know what age he is?

Brak: Well, I told you, the guy with the beard, he's twenty years younger than me!

Zorak: Twenty years? How do you know he's twenty?

Brak: I told you, the guy with the beard, he's twenty years younger than me! Lookit that, the guy with the beard, twenty years old.

Zorak: You're like a lot of people who come here from the age of television.

Space Ghost: Uh, don't they watch more than the age of television?

Zorak: Well, sure!

Space Ghost: And there's the age gap.

Zorak: Well, no thank you!

Space Ghost: You're like a lot of people who come here from the age of radio.

Zorak: Actually, there was a show I was a guest on!

Space Ghost: Show? What show?

Zorak: The Rodney Dangerfield show!

Space Ghost: Hey! The Rodney Dangerfield show! What's that mean?

Zorak: It's a show! You're in charge of all the aliens, and they're all singing your song!

Space Ghost: Hello, fellow humans! This is a bare-minimum show! There's no TV, no MTV, and certainly no Rodney Dangerfield show! Hello, mankind!

Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost, did you ever watch "Pickup Artist?"

Space Ghost: Yes. I saw it.

Zorak: It was really really good.

Space Ghost: Really?

Zorak: Yeah, and I had to lie about it later.

Space Ghost: So, did you watch "Pickup Artist?"

Zorak: No! I saw it, but I have a feeling you didn't.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay.

Brak: Hey, Zorak!

Zorak: Whaddaya gonna do?

Brak: I was just thinking of that ice-cream parlour I saw the other day. It's just a blank white screen, with a little skull over it. I walked into that ice-cream parlour, and the guy who was sitting there was just staring at me.

Zorak: Yeah. So, were you guys the only ones who saw that movie?

Space Ghost: Yeah, well yeah, I saw it. And I'm still not convinced it was worth the bother.

Zorak: You saw it for free?

Space Ghost: Yes! For free!

Brak: So, how did you guys get rich?

Space Ghost: Pretty easy, Brak.

Brak: 'Cause they only paid me for the fun!

Space Ghost: Fair! You can have all the fun!

Brak: It was a free country!

Zorak: Country?

Space Ghost: Yes. "C'mon, man. Let's just get by without asking too many questions."

Zorak: Okay, thank you.

Space Ghost: "And there was this really cool guy who was trying to convince me, so I asked him if he was all right." Wasn't that the coolest guy ever?

Brak: Wow!

Space Ghost: "And he said that if I
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and hello there, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap.

Space Ghost: Uh, it's a mask. Also, I have a habit of wearing masks.

Zorak: I have a full head of hair.

Space Ghost: I don't think anyone's wearing a hat tonight.

Zorak: Yeah, me too.

Space Ghost: Zorak, get in here! You're the man.

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: No. You're not the man!

Zorak: You're not the man!

Space Ghost: I'm the man! You're not the man!

Zorak: Oh, fine! By any other name.

Space Ghost: Zorak, put on some other name.

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: (
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, were you expecting a hug?

Moltar: No!

Space Ghost: Shh, tell everyone their names!

Moltar: Er, Space Ghost, uh... (laughs)

Space Ghost: Yes, well, here it is.

Zorak: Were you expecting a hug?

Space Ghost: (beat) No!

Zorak: Well, now you're getting funny.

Space Ghost: (beat) No!

Zorak: You're funny!

Space Ghost: (hums and bops)

Zorak: Woo, wo wooow.

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Were you expecting a hug?

Zorak: Hup.

Space Ghost: You were expecting a hug.

Zorak: Well, I was.

Space Ghost: So, were you expecting a hug?

Zorak: You were.

Space Ghost: Then get over here and embrace the man.

Zorak: I didn't embrace you.

Space Ghost: We were hands-in-glove.

Zorak: That's nice.

Space Ghost: You were hands-in-glove! And you embraced him.

Zorak: That's nice.

Space Ghost: When he talked, you were hands-in-glove. When he took a bath...

Zorak: That's not bathtime! This is a scene from a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: THIS is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom!

Zorak: This is a sitcom!

Space Ghost: This is a sitcom
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

(Opening graphic sequence shifts to studio monitor as it is displayed)

Space Ghost: Greetings, you people. Welcome to Cartoon Planet. Tonight, I (actually Robotnik) introduce my tasty little bot, Buttercup. And while we were waiting for the taster to cool down, I (actually Space Ghost) took Buttercup out for a spin. You see, my evil contraption is made of Butter. And while Buttercup was settling for a strawberry spin, I (actually Robotnik) made a deal with the devil. He gave me a soul. And while Buttercup was settling for a blueberry spin, I (actually Robotnik) revealed to the world that I had created a robot to serve as a medium for the soul of mankind. And while Buttercup was settling for a raspberry spin, I (actually Robotnik) revealed to the world that I had created a robot to serve as a medium for the soul of man.

Now, if you'll excuse me, boys, I've got to go. I got that down pat. (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, uh, Cloud?

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Eh, what's so funny?

(Beep!)

Björk: Yeah!

Space Ghost: So, what's your thing? Like I care.

Björk: Like I should. You're so funny.

Space Ghost: Oh, you're a funny guy. What's wrong with you?

Björk: (makes raspberry sounds)

Space Ghost: (laughs) Yeah, what's wrong with you?

Björk: What do you mean?

Space Ghost: Well, you're just a big big bald guy.

Björk: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Yeah. And, you need to shave.

Björk: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Shave it right here.

Björk: Okay.

Space Ghost: Now comes the hard part.

Björk: Do you have a goate?

Space Ghost: (shave) Yeah I do.

Björk: Do you have a nose?

Space Ghost: (opens his eyes) There, she is.

Björk: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: (with emphasis) There she is, folks. Another one bites the dust. And while we wait, he (the bald guy) who looks like he's having a beer or something, and he wants to pose for the camera.

Björk: Oh, I have a little problem with this. Do you have a problem?

Space Ghost: You know, with this question, you're like a fox to my henhouse. You're just a big bad green, um, scary thing.

Björk: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Well, I'll tell ya what! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) Sorry.

Space Ghost: Yeah! You're a big bad green, that's what!

Zorak: Yeah, well, I have a small problem with it!

Björk: Yeah, well, I have a small problem with it!

Space Ghost: You have a problem, don't you?

Zorak: You know, with this question, you're like a fox to my henhouse. You're just a big scary thing.

Space Ghost: Well, I have a big problem with it! Rack up the calories!

Björk: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Okay!

Björk: You have a problem, huh?

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, you're like a fox to my henhouse.

Björk: Yeah, well, I have a small problem with it!

Space Ghost: You have a problem, don't you?

Björk: Yeah, well, you're like a fox to my henhouse.

Space Ghost: I'm talking about my big belly.

Björk: Yeah, well, you're like a fox to my henhouse.

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, you're like a fox to my henhouse.

Björk: Yeah, and you're not supposed to say that!

Space Ghost: I'm talking about my big belly!

Björk: Yeah, well, you're like a fox to my henhouse.

Space Ghost: And you're supposed to say, "He's a good looking fellow. He makes nice."

Björk
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Moltar: Well, I've got a surprise for you tonight! (dances again)

Bob: Surprise!

Moltar: Bob, you've got a dancing partner.

Bob: Excuse me. (plays a handpuppet and dances, accompanied by a cheesy organ music)

Moltar: Whoa! (falls over laughing)

Bob: What's goin' on in here?

Moltar: (talking to himself) Starting, uh, now.

Space Ghost: Hi, Moltar.

Moltar: Sorry for the trouble, sir.

Bob: You've been dancing all night.

Moltar: Well, I wasn't dancing!

Space Ghost: You weren't dancing!

Bob: No, I wasn't!

Moltar: Yes, you were!

Space Ghost: Were!

Bob: Yes, well, tonight is when I was about to propose marriage.

Moltar: Proposition 8, uh, get in there, and, and say "I love you!"

Space Ghost: Oh, you want a piece of me?

Bob: Eh, yes.

Moltar: You got a great ass!

Bob: Great! Where do I sign for it?

Space Ghost: You get in there, and you get... stinky.

Moltar: Yeah, I got a sign.

Bob: Okay, and, and get in there, and say "I love you!"

Space Ghost: Moltar, you're the man. You and me, we are a couple.

Moltar: Uh, we'll call it "Love and Marriage, Part II".

Bob: Okay, uh, and, and say "It's time for me to love you again!"

Moltar: Okay, and, and say "It's been hard!"

Bob: Uh, and, and say "It's been a long time!"

Moltar: We'll call it "The Long Goodbye".

Space Ghost: Bob, I need to get down there, quick.

(Zorak dances toward Moltar's monitor)

Bob: Space Ghost, look! (Zorak dashes toward monitor) Hey! Hey! Quit lookin' at me!

Moltar: But Space Ghost, uh, wants you to look at him.

Zorak: Yeah, he's got me there.

Bob: He's about to show you something.

Zorak: He's about to show you... something.

Bob: He's gonna take your soul!

Zorak: What?

Bob: He's gonna take your soul!

Zorak: What?

Bob: And he's gonna give it to you!

Zorak: What?

Bob: And he's gonna leave you here!

Zorak: Where do you think he'll go?

Bob: I don't know! I'm just gonna do what I want!

Zorak: Oh, he'll probably hail me as a guru!

Bob: And when he's done with you, he's probably gonna take your soul, too!

Zorak: Oh, he won't!

Bob: You can't stop him! You've got to help him!

Zorak: I don't want him to!

Bob: Help him, yes! But also, I want you to be the best at your job, too!

Zorak: Hey, uh, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Bob: Space Ghost, IAddle me off.

Moltar: Yeah, yeah. Do me too.

Zorak: I don't think he'll have much of a reaction.

Bob: You and him, huh?

Zorak: Yeah, me and him. We're a team now, Team Bob.

Bob: You guys are a team now, aren't you, Moltar?

Moltar: (laughs)

Bob: I love you, Team Bob, and I think you should... be the star of the show.

Moltar: (sticks tongue out at Bob)

Bob: I'm serious, I'll tell ya, I'll do anything, I'll get you on "Bob's Burgers", and then, uh, you guys are -

Moltar: Shut up, Bob!

Bob: I'll bang on about how great Space Ghost is, and how lucky I am to have you on the show. (
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they're both funny. That creepy Space Ghost named Steve Arnold was supposed to be the guest, but he got in trouble with the bees for using his power bands to breed slaves. Now, bees are cheap, and I want to sell my hive before I have to give you guys any explaining. Anybody want to explain?

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Honey, I'm not done. I'm ready to discuss anything with you.

Zorak: (takes lever, screen goes black, save file disappears; he reappears holding the lever) No explanation necessary, my man. (he presses again, the screen goes black again, then returns)

Space Ghost: (spoken quietly) Anybody want to explain this to me?

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: (spoken quietly) Okay.

Zorak: It's all a misunderstanding.

Space Ghost: You mean, "I'm not done."

Zorak: No. I never -

Space Ghost: Trying to be sociable.

Zorak: I just don't belong here.

Space Ghost: So, Zorak, try being a shut-in.

Zorak: Yeah, shut up!

Space Ghost: For the love of Mike! Can't you just shut up?!

Zorak: (blinks)

Space Ghost: For the love of Mike!

Zorak: (blinks)

Space Ghost: For the love of Mike!

Zorak: (blinks)

Space Ghost: For the love of Mike!

Zorak: (blinks)

Space Ghost: For the love of Mike!

Zorak: (blinks)

Space Ghost: Okay, there you go.

Zorak: (flies off)

(Beep!)

Bob: Dan, are we done?

Waiting

(In control room, Moltar and Zorak are smoking joints and drinking beers. The room is filled with smoke. Space Ghost is slumped in the chair; a delivery van rolls up to the desk)

(Space Ghost looks up, listens to the speakers)

(In the studio)

Space Ghost: There's a mutual friend of mine and yours. Isn't that right, Moltar?

Moltar: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And who do you hold up as your ... dear ... friend?

Moltar: Well, I'm, you're probably wondering who that person is. Well, I'm wondering who is Professor X, you're talking to me here.

Space Ghost: I've never heard of Professor X.

Zorak: He must be flying back from the future, you idiot.

Space Ghost: Shut up, Zorak!

Bob: Dan, wouldn't you like to know who Professor X is?

Moltar: Yeah.

Bob: You're the man, Dan. You've invented the talking dog, you've taken over the world, and you've got a cool hat. But who is Professor X?

Moltar: The hat?

Bob: No, no! You invented the talking dog, you invented the talking dog, you!

Moltar: (LAUGHS)

Bob: And you've gone from being a harmless nuisance to a raging firestorm! (his voice is burning, and he has a last name tattooed on his arm)

Moltar: (last name tattoo)

Bob: You've taken over, you've taken over the world! (his voice is again burning)

Space Ghost: (distraught) What have I done?!

Moltar: That's not the point. The point is, I know very well how to fix it.

Bob: You're a little late.

Space Ghost: Well, thanks. That's what I was going to say.

Bob: Well, let's hear it.

Space Ghost: I know a thing or two about things like that.

Bob: Don't you dare try 'em on me, man.

Space Ghost: I bet you'd like 'em.

Bob: They frighten me.

Space Ghost: Oh, yes!

Bob: They're also very, uh, furry.

Space Ghost: Well, thank you for the compliment.

Bob: Can I do a little favor for
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have departments where they should be putting their best foot forward. But where is it? Where is the fun? Where is the laugh? Where is the zap? Where is the fright?

Zorak: (frightened voice) I'm coming out, freak!

Moltar: (clears throat) Oh, really?

Zorak: (fearened voice) I'm coming out, freak!

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: (frightened voice) I'm coming out, freak!

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: (frightened voice) I'm coming out, freak!

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak!

Zorak: Hey! Don't tell me how to do it!

Space Ghost: You start. I start.

Zorak: You start!

Space Ghost: No, you start. I win.

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You start. I win.

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You start. I win.

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You start. I win.

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You start. I win.

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You start. I win.

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You start. I win.

Moltar: (CLEARS THROUGH TRANSMISSION)

Space Ghost: Moltar, why did you allow Zorak to speak with you in the first place?

Moltar: Zorak threatened to report you to the FCC.

Space Ghost: And just why didn't you report him to the FCC?

Zorak: Apparently, Space Ghost, because the FCC doesn't exist.

Space Ghost: Really? The FCC doesn't exist.

Zorak: It does exist, but they don't make you talk to them, or serve you drinks.

Space Ghost: Hey! What about ice cream?

Zorak: What ice cream?

Space Ghost: (beat) Ice cream!

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: Zorak, put on some music.

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak, you're a big fool. Using my power bands on Zorak would be a good idea.

Zorak: (drinks coffee)

Space Ghost: (beat) You're a big fool. (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (clears throat) Alright, starting... now.

Space Ghost: You big fool! How could you possibly know that I didn't hear you? How could you possibly know that I didn't hear you?

Zorak: Well, you'd think the guy in the other room would scream.

Space Ghost: You could just as well as think the guy in the other room would scream. (beat) You big fool! Using my power bands on Zorak would be a good idea.

Zorak: (whispers) Hey! The guy in the other room would scream too!

Space Ghost: You're a big fool, Moltar.

Moltar: (smiles)

Space Ghost: Trying to lead this conversation here. Moltar, lead the way.

Moltar: Okay, I'm lost. What's going on in here?

Space Ghost: Moltar, uh... (starts blinking his left eye) Uh...

Zorak: "You don't have any leads, do you?" Uh...

Space Ghost: You're right, we don't have any leads. Sorry.

Zorak: "You're a big fan of Space Ghost, and he makes you sweat." Uh...

Space Ghost: Yeah. "
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hey, kids, it's time for time to open the mail. And, it's for Superman, and Batman, and Robin, and Talking Bob. And, it's for kids, and their parents, and grandparents, and kids everywhere, thank you! I'm Tansut, and welcome to the big show. Tonight, comedian Eddie Izz-sterdam. And direct from Austin, Texas, legendary talk show host, and frequent guest, Beck. (appears on monitor as Tansut picks up mail) Well, this one is for me, it's for you, too, buddy.

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Here's a letter from a viewer. And it's for you! (appears on monitor as Tansut punches in the name of Zorak)

Tansut: (still punching mail) Ha ha ha ha!

Space Ghost: Here's a joke from Carrie from Seattle, Washington. (monitor shows mailer with the same title)

Space Ghost: "Dear Cartoon Planet, why do you insult my intelligence with rude names? It makes no sense whatsoever. Thanks, Eddie."

Eddy Izz-sterdam: Actually, that's not the main reason. The main reason is that I'm a hick. And if you didn't like that, you shouldn't have watched that show.

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I didn't - watch that show! You're a hick, and you're going to get what I gave you. (blasts Izz-sterdam from monitor)

Tansut: Aaaaaaaaaa!!!

Space Ghost: What's that you say? Can't hear you? (hears "aaaaaa" with his mouth -- louder than in any other situation) (full blast) Alright, hunker down, Fred.

Zorak: Hey, whaddaya doin'?

Space Ghost: There's a flood in the storage tank.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: Are you okay?!

Zorak: Ya feel better?

Space Ghost: Yeah, Zorak, I think I pulled down a couple of my lungs.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You know, Space Ghost, sometimes I just don't get you.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You know, when I wasn't spinning around in circles behind you, I was just staring at you.

Zorak: Oh. Well, thanks for staring.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Brak: You're funny. Hey, mama, let's give a big old hug.

Zorak: Whoa! What's wrong with my lungs?

Space Ghost: Well, it turns out my blood vessels are a mess. And there's a lot of me.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: There's a lot of me inside that balloon.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You see, there's a lot of me inside that balloon, and there's a lot of me floating around in space.

Zorak: Like a balloon!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, here's a letter from John from Louisville, Kentucky. A balloon with a big old face on it.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You know, kids, there's a big old face out there spinning around in space.

Zorak: Whoa! What's that mean?

Space Ghost: That's a long shot!

Zorak: Long shot?

Space Ghost: You don't have any!

Zorak: No!

Space Ghost: Here's a letter from Eric from San Jose, California. A balloon with a whole lot of bells and whistles.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You know, kids, there's a big old face out there spinning around in space.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: There's a big old face in that balloon.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: There's a big old face in that balloon, and he's madly in love with that flower.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You know, kids, there's a big old face in that balloon. He's madly in love with that flower, and there's a song about him in the song.

Zorak: What?

Space
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right there. Okay, here goes!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, I'll be exploring some of my new musical subjects, including prehistoric people! And, uh, Bambi's not in the least bit interested in that.

Zorak: Hey, did you bring your little toy snake?

Space Ghost: Yes, I brought my little toy snake.

Zorak: You just flew around for a while, didn't you?

Space Ghost: You really ought to.

Zorak: I did.

Space Ghost: Good! Let's give it a whirl!

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) Thanks a lot! That's some nasty business. Bye now.

Space Ghost: You're not paying any attention to that, are you, Zorak?

Zorak: No, I'm paying attention! To you!

Space Ghost: You know, Tad, it's as if the writers are trying to tell me a story. They're sending me a ghost! What's all this talk about "the ghost"?

Zorak: You're a ghost! They're talking to me!

Space Ghost: Well, what about me?

Zorak: You're a ghost! They're sending me a ghost!

Space Ghost: (begins to emit a choking sound)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: So, whattya gonna do when I'm done with the show?

Space Ghost: Alright, alright! Do you want to go to the toilet, or..?

Zorak: No! No!

Moltar: Whattya gonna do when you're done with the show?

Zorak: No! No!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: To market, to market, to buy a fat pig!

Zorak: Fat pig!

Space Ghost: Home again, home again, jiggety jig.

Zorak: Fat pig!

Space Ghost: Zorak, you're ruining my nursery rhyme.

Zorak: Fat pig!

Space Ghost: Stop it!

Zorak: PIG!

Space Ghost: I'm warning you.

Zorak: Fat pig.

(Space Ghost zaps Zorak)

Space Ghost: You were warned.

Zorak: Ehhh... suey? []

Zorak: Uh, Space Ghost? Hey! Hey, Space Ghost! Over here! Hey, whaddaya doin'?

Space Ghost: Oh, uh, heh-heh, nothing. Uh ... just thinking.

Zorak: Uh ... about what?

Space Ghost: Oh ... Just ... private stuff. Superhero stuff. You wouldn't be interested.

Zorak: Sure I would.

Space Ghost: No you wouldn't.

Zorak: Oh, I would! I would!

Space Ghost: No, I don't think so.

Zorak: Tell me!

Space Ghost: Skip it!

Zorak: O-kay. ... Hey, d'ya have any gum?

Space Ghost: Zorak, you know the rule. No ... gum ... chewing.

Zorak: That's a stupid rule.

Space Ghost: No, it isn't.

Zorak: Yes, it is!

Space Ghost: If you had a stick of gum right now, what would you do with it?

Zorak: I'd chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: It's not the color of your skin, Zorak. It's the sound of your crooning that's so pretty.

Zorak: Hey, shut up.

Space Ghost: There's just a lot of things about green people that make me want to kiss them.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?

Zorak: Uh...

Space Ghost: No idea what you're talking about, do you?

Zorak: You're green, aren't you?

Space Ghost: (stares back silently)

Zorak: Hmph! The color of your skin makes me want to kiss you!

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: L- now, wait 'til you hear my theme!

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: L- now, you tell me!

Zorak: Y- yes I do.

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (growls)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Zorak: (silence)

Space Ghost: (now you tell me!)

Moltar: (growls)

Zorak: Space Ghost, you are a big, big fella. But you are not a big bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad... Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad... Bad bad bad bad bad bad... (bleep) bad bad bad bad... (bleep) bad bad bad bad... (bleep) bad bad bad bad... (bleep) bad bad bad bad... (bleep) bad bad bad bad bad... (bleep) bad bad bad bad bad, bad bad bad bad.

(Space Ghost is now on the phone, dialing in to warn of a potential emergency. He plants a finger on the receiver and the emergency broadcast goes off. He picks up the phone again, and calls again.)

Space Ghost: Emergencies are always good. Always.

(Zorak is in the control room, now with red emergency lighting. He throws the switch back and forth, and the emergency broadcast goes back for green and blue and red again.)

Space Ghost: You have a new program! You've never seen it! It's called "Space Ghost."

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Fade in: Opened door. Space Ghost is staring outside. A cat and a dog walk in)

Space Ghost: Ooh, pardon me!

(Shot of Ghost Planet Industries building from outside the glass.)

Space Ghost: Shut up, Ox! It's dawning. What then, kids? (Blasts the building.)

(Shot of Ghost Planet Industries building from inside.)

Space Ghost: You were about to do that! Now I'll spin your head off so fast it'll travel back to where it was before you blasted it.

(Control room. The floor is tilted, causing the monitor to lower. Space Ghost is standing on it, smiling.)

Space Ghost: What in the name of Vic Tayback was that? Well, it's all settled. Now I have a deal. You can stay or go. I'll just stand here.

Zorak: You don't want to go!

Space Ghost: You know what? I'll
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and physician Neal Brennan. Nobody special, but they're both in their 60s. That makes them pretty good candidates for my 90-degree snake charade.

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) Hey, great aunt Judy, have you ever bitten a dog?

Tansut: No, I haven't.

Zorak: Great aunt Judy, have you ever bitten a dog?

Tansut: No, I haven't.

Zorak: That reminds me...

Space Ghost: (invisos in) So, what's your attitude toward dogs?

Zorak: Eh, I'm friendly.

Space Ghost: Okay.

Zorak: Eh, and I like to eat dog. That's what I call a dog!

Space Ghost: Eh, you're a vegetarian.

Zorak: I'm a meat eater.

Space Ghost: Well, what do you call a meat eater?

Zorak: Eh, I'm a vegetarian.

Space Ghost: (turns from Zorak, looks at Moltar)

Moltar: Space Ghost, are you familiar with the law?

Space Ghost: Yes, I am familiar with the law. What's the matter?

Moltar: Well, I'm wondering whether or not, are you familiar with the Criminal Code of Canada?

Space Ghost: Criminal Code, no, I'm familiar with the code.

Moltar: Yes, well, I'm familiar with the code. What's the matter?

Space Ghost: (listening) What's the matter, Moltar?

Moltar: Uh, I'm familiar with the code, but I don't, I don't understand it.

Space Ghost: That's fine, just don't tell me how to do it. I'm unfamiliar with it.

Moltar: That's fine, you're familiar with the law. Now, which of you is which?

Space Ghost: (listening) Oh, I'm familiar with the law.

Zorak: (listening)

Moltar: (listening)

Space Ghost: You're familiar with the law, huh?

Zorak: Ah...

Space Ghost: You're familiar with the law, huh?

Zorak: Ah...

Moltar: (listening)

Space Ghost: You're familiar with the law, huh?

Zorak: Oh, yes.

Space Ghost: You're familiar with the law, huh?

Zorak: Yes, well, it's my understanding of the law that's being questioned.

Space Ghost: You're not familiar with the law, are you?

Zorak: What is it? What's it? What's it? What's it?

Space Ghost: That's not important, really.

Zorak: Really?

Space Ghost: You're not familiar with the law, are you, Zorak?

Zorak: What is it? What's it? What's it?

Space Ghost: That's all very well and good, but what's the matter with your voice?

Zorak: (lowering on studio monitor) I don't know...

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of that?

Zorak: I think it's pretty darn cool.

Space Ghost: So, what's your position on cloning?

Zorak: I, uh, haven't seen it.

Space Ghost: What's your position, anyway?

Zorak: Well, I, I'm not familiar enough with it to be able to say for sure.

Space Ghost: Okay, but you're not familiar enough...

Zorak: I, I'm just saying, you know, you guys, you should stay out of it, you're just not very good...

Space Ghost: I'm not familiar enough.

Zorak: Yeah, I don't know...

Space Ghost: To me, you're just not very good.

Zorak: Yeah, I know.

Space Ghost: To you, I'm better than you.

Zorak: Yeah, and I'm gonna beat you up.

(beat)

Space Ghost: So, what do you think of that?

Moltar: I think it's pretty darn cool.

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

(Opening graphic sequence shifts to studio monitor as it is displayed)

Space Ghost: Greetings, universe and beyond. I'm Space Ghost. Welcome to Cartoon Planet. On tonight's show, we have Robin Leach, and Robin Leach, and Robin Leach, and Robin Leach, and Robin Leach, and Robin Leach. And, on tonight's show, we have Robin Leach, and Robin Leach, and Robin Leach. And, we also have celebrity guest, who do you have?

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: Uh, Robin Leach, and celebrity guest, who do you have?

Robin Leach: Uh, I don't know, you tell me.

Space Ghost: Oh, I do. Who's Robin Leach?

Robin Leach: Well, I've known her for many years, I've been in her head.

Space Ghost: You've known her for years?

Robin Leach: Yes, yes I have.

Space Ghost: You've been in her head!

Robin Leach: Yes, and I've found it extremely difficult to leave.

Space Ghost: You've found it extremely difficult to leave?

Robin Leach: Yes, yes I have.

Space Ghost: You've found it extremely difficult to leave?

Robin Leach: Yes, and I've found it extremely rewarding.

Space Ghost: What have you found?

Robin Leach: I've discovered incredible things about myself, that I've never known before. Things that were only known to me ten years ago. Things that I couldn't have known at the time. Things that I didn't know existed. Things that I didn't perceive as things. Things that I did know existed, things that I didn't perceive as things. Things that I did know existed, things that I didn't perceive as things.

Space Ghost: You didn't perceive them as things?

Robin Leach: I didn't perceive them as things. I simply referred to them as things. Things that are not true. Things that were not true. Things that I knew to be true. Things that I experienced prior to recognizing these things as things. Things that I didn't perceive as things.

Space Ghost: What are they?

Robin Leach: They're delusions.

Space Ghost: Do you have any?

Robin Leach: No.

Space Ghost: What are you trying to tell me?

Robin Leach: That's why you're here. To learn.

Space Ghost: That's good, but what do I know?

Robin Leach: Things that are not true.

Space Ghost: Really?

Robin Leach: I didn't mean to mislead you.

Space Ghost: Oh. Well, that's that. We'll look forward to learning from you.

Robin Leach: Yes, I will.

Space Ghost: Well, that's good. If you don't mind?

Robin Leach: No, I'm sorry, I meant every word.

Space Ghost: Well, that's all the time we have, tonight.

Robin Leach: Thank you, thank you. I'm sorry, I, I had no idea.

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I thought.

Robin Leach: You're welcome.

Space Ghost: You're welcome! But please, don't take away Zach Brak. He's very angry, and that's all I can do.

Zach Brak: What?!

Space Ghost: Just do the dishes.

Zach Brak: I got broken dishes.

Space Ghost: Really? Well, you better fix that. Or else.

Zach Brak: I'm not fixin' anything! I'm just doin' the dishes.

Space Ghost: So, you don't want Brak to explode, you're worried about that, right?

Zach Brak: What? What now?

Space Ghost: No, you don't want him to explode, you're worried about this.

Brak: What? What now?

Space Ghost: Don't be.

Zach Brak: What? What? What? What? What?

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: We're back, still no word on Zorak.

Zorak: (Zorak rage) I'm gonna rip your face off!

Space Ghost: Do you want me to do that?

Zorak: C'mon!

Space Ghost: You want me to do that? Well, you just
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they're all invited. Zorak? Ehh, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Hi, I'm Space Ghost. Zorak? Where are you?

Zorak: I'm... where are you?

Space Ghost: (annoyed) Not here, Zorak. We're about to find out who the real Space Ghost is.

Zorak: (anger lights up)

Space Ghost: (chuckles) That's right, I'm the Space Ghost.

Steve Arnold: You are a very bad person, who should not have been invited.

Zorak: Don't let the people tell me who I am!

Space Ghost: Actually, I think we're all quite well now. Everybody, no questions asked.

Zorak: What are your superpowers?

Space Ghost: You mean anything, really.

Zorak: Well, I'm a ghost, and nothing's going to happen.

Space Ghost: I got that straight. You're a ghost, and a whole lot of people watch your show.

Steve Arnold: You're a great guy, and a lot of fun to be around.

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, if you're ever in doubt, just ask me.

Steve Arnold: I'm a big fan, actually. I've been here before.

Space Ghost: Before we even started talking, we started talking about a number of subjects...

Steve Arnold: Yes.

Space Ghost: ... that weren't even on the air at the time.

Steve Arnold: Yes.

Space Ghost: You were the one who suggested the names 'Space Ghost Coast to Coast' and 'Steve Arnold: The King of the Real Sports Men'. Did you know that?

Steve Arnold: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Even though you obviously had no idea who I was, and even though I didn't watch the show, you were still invited to give me a call.

Steve Arnold: Yes.

Space Ghost: You called me, and I invited you to come and hang out. Did you get a chance to talk to the man?

Steve Arnold: Yeah, I did.

Space Ghost: Talk to him! Because he's so interesting.

Steve Arnold: Yeah, he's fascinating. You should talk to him.

Space Ghost: No, I don't think I'll have any trouble finding someone who will talk to me. Because I'm interested in talking to you.

Steve Arnold: Oh.

Space Ghost: Listen, you want to talk to the man, don't you?

Steve Arnold: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Okay, sure. What's his name?

Steve Arnold: Don't you...

Space Ghost: No, I'll... speak to you.

Steve Arnold: Yeah.

Space Ghost: So, you don't think I'd have any trouble finding him.

Steve Arnold: You're a big fan.

Space Ghost: Yeah, you're a big big star. Aren't you... Sting?

Steve Arnold: You're a big star, yeah. Aren't you big big star, baby?

Space Ghost: (starts coughing)

Steve Arnold: What's going on?

Space Ghost: Let's go back to the drawing board. (starts coughing again)

Steve Arnold: You're f(BLEEP)d up!

Moltar: (throws lever, Steve is enveloped in flames)

Steve Arnold: Aaaaaa!!!

Space Ghost: Steve, Steve...

Steve Arnold: Thank you.

Space Ghost: So, Steve, have you ever actually watched my show?

Steve Arnold: No...

Space Ghost: Oh, okay.

Steve Arnold: I've seen some of your stuff, you know, like the Conan O'Brien thing.

Space Ghost: You're kidding!

Steve Arnold: Oh, okay.

Space Ghost: But you're not actually Space Ghost, are you?

Steve Arnold: You're kidding!

Space Ghost: I am aware of this.

Steve Arnold: You're aware of everything that's going on in the universe?

Space Ghost: Well...

Steve Arnold: Everything that's going on in the universe, right?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Steve Arnold: You're aware of everything that's going on in
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?!

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I will not engage in any kind of verbal combat with you, human being. You stand on wrong principles, and you make my philosophy all kinds of complicated.

Zorak: You mean everybody who's not you can just go away?

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: What are you saying?!

Space Ghost: (waits for Zorak to speak)

Zorak: I, I don't know what you're talking about. (appears to be in a trance)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak, talk to me.

Zorak: (walks toward desk) I don't want to.

Space Ghost: You don't want to.

Zorak: Well then, go away!

Space Ghost: I'm telling you, you're not gonna get anywhere by telling anybody what you're saying. You're a cartoon, and your character is a cartoon! That's why you're here. To talk to me!

Zorak: (walks toward desk) I don't want to!

Space Ghost: You don't want to!

Zorak: Well then, go away!

Space Ghost: I'm telling you, you're not gonna get anywhere by telling anybody what you're saying. You're a cartoon, and your character is a cartoon! That's why you're here. To talk to me!

Zorak: (walks toward desk) I don't want to!

Space Ghost: You don't want to!

Zorak: Well then, go away!

Space Ghost: I'm telling you, you're not gonna get anywhere by telling anybody what you're saying. You're a cartoon, and your character is a cartoon! That's why you're here. To talk to me!

Zorak: (walks toward desk) I don't want to!

Space Ghost: You don't wanna!

Zorak: Well then, go away!

Space Ghost: I'm telling you, you're not gonna get anywhere by telling anybody what you're saying. You're a cartoon, and your character is a cartoon! That's why you're here. To talk to me!

Zorak: (walks toward desk) I don't want to!

Space Ghost: You don't wanna!

Zorak: Well then, go away!

Space Ghost: I'm telling you, you're not gonna get anywhere by telling anybody what you're saying. You're a cartoon, and your character is a cartoon! That's why you're here. To talk to me!

Zorak: (walks toward desk) I don't want to!

Space Ghost: You don't wanna!

Zorak: Well then, go away!

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (standing up) Alrighty!

Zorak: Hey, Tibby!

Space Ghost: You are a cartoon!

Zorak: Yeah, I am.

Space Ghost: I am a cartoon! How are you?

Zorak: Eh, I'm doing okay.

Space Ghost: Okay, good.

Brak: Hey! Tibby!

Space Ghost: I am talking to you!

Tibby: I am not!

Space Ghost: Nope! Did you get a chance to read those scripts that I sent you?

Tibby: Umm, no.

Space Ghost: No! Just shut up, Tibby!

Tibby: (shouts) Hey, what the...
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well hello there, this is Tansut. Welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guests are Beck, Moltar, and Weir. And boy, do they have a lot of fun! Come on, let's rip off each other's faces and jam!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, y'all! I'm Space Ghost. Welcome to my comedy gang, where you'll find hilarious banter, cool hats, and wet dreams! (band intro plays)

Beck: (voice-over) Ladies and gentlemen, here's Beck, and boy, do we have a lot of fun!

Space Ghost: Well, we've got a lot of fun. Yeah, we're laughing at your expense, Beck.

Beck: Oh, really?

Space Ghost: Yes!

Beck: Why are we laughing?

Space Ghost: Because we're not actually laughing! (band intro plays)

Beck: (voice-over) That's right, that's right. We're not actually laughing at your expense, we're just laughing at you.

Space Ghost: You're such a sweet and simple boy, Beck.

Beck: (looks around)

Space Ghost: Moltar, are we gonna get in trouble with the censors for all this "humor" -- you know, the "humor"?

Moltar: No, uh, just a little "humor", okay?

Beck: You know, when I was little I used to go to the movies, and they would, like, give me these "cowboy caps" and I would, like, wear them around camp.

Space Ghost: Cap him?

Beck: Yeah, I, I did. A lot.

Space Ghost: How do you feel about the fact that Zorak made me wear a "cowboy cap"?

Beck: It's, it's, it's, it's nice. I wear a cowboy cap. Not that kind of cap.

Space Ghost: I don't need no stinkin' around here. If you wore a cap, I would pull over and lie down in a well-deserved sleep, you know, 'cause I've been there.

Beck: Okay, thank you.

Space Ghost: Moltar, put Beck down for ten seconds. If he wakes up, I'll show you a movie. (pause) A movie about a cow. About a cow.

Moltar: Uh, he's a little, uh, he's a little late comin' back.

Space Ghost: Oh, he's late comin' back because he's wearing a cowgirl costume! (pause) AAAAAAAA!

Moltar: AAAAAAAA!

Beck: AAAAAAAA!

Moltar: AAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: Shut up, little man!

Beck: AAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: You're a villain, Beck. You're weak and in need of a beating.

Beck: AAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: So, what are you going to do with me now?

Beck: Well, let's see, um, I'm, I'm gonna sing in the movie...

Space Ghost: Moltar, take this cheesy voice and shove it up your ass.

Beck: (sings) Hey baby, say the way you quake, gonna break it down for Master Shake.

Moltar: (throws lever, sends Beck to studio monitor) I'm sorry, man, I, I didn't mean that.

Beck: Okay, thank you.

Space Ghost: Master Shake. Now with a twist. Because that's what a lot of people do when they're in the middle of a conversation, and they usually end up talking about.. stuff. Um, not so much.. Now, everybody, calm down.

Beck: (crying) I, I don't know what I'm talking about!

Moltar: (holding a tape) I know what you're talking about.

Space Ghost: (on Beck's monitor) Hello, Master Shake. I'm Space Ghost. And hello, Master Shake, BBW!

Beck: (while Space Ghost is talking) Hello, Master Shake!

Master Shake: Hello, BBW!

Beck: (continuing) Hello, BBW!

Master Shake: Hello, BBW!

Space Ghost: Hello, Master Shake. So, did you like my little surprise treat tray trick?

Beck: Oh, yes! The trick is, you put the treat tray in the wrong place!

Master Shake: Yes! And
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares back silently)

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: Space Ghost, take a moment to introduce yourself to the world.

Zorak: I am Zorak.

Space Ghost: And welcome to the big show.

Zorak: Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost.

Zorak: That's right.

Space Ghost: The big guy.

Zorak: The big guy!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost!

Zorak: Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: The little guy.

Zorak: Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: The little guy.

Zorak: Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: The big guy.

Zorak: Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: The big guy!

Zorak: Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: The little guy.

Zorak: Space Ghost!

Time: 7:30

Space Ghost: Well, that's just FINE! Now comes the time for my first guest.

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: At this very moment, Audience, there is a baby inside that mother's womb.

Zorak: Space Ghost! The baby is in the womb!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaa!!! (wails)

Zorak: The baby is in the womb!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaa!!! (continues wailing)

Zorak: The baby is in the womb!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaa!!! (continues wailing)

Zorak: The baby is in the womb!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: (with Claire on control room monitor, welcoming guests Pat Boone and Chuck D) Hello! And behold, for I am Pat Boone.

Pat Boone: Hello, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Is this baby Bee going to hurt itself?

Pat Boone: No, it's okay.

Space Ghost: It's okay, baby. It's just a little girl. You can't hurt her.

Pat Boone: Yeah, I can't. I'm a little girl. (laughs)

Space Ghost: You're a girl, too, buddy. You're a big girl.

Pat Boone: (laughing) Well, I'm a big girl. (laughs)

Space Ghost: So, you're all like that with Bee. That's, that's what I call girl power.

Pat Boone: Yeah.

Space Ghost: I'm gonna go right to the girl's room and train you as a girl. You don't want to go into the girl's room, Pat. That's where my powers are. (presses power band button, makes a couple of sounds, then presses balance beam)

Pat Boone: (laughing) Okay.

Space Ghost: The girl's in the girl's room, and you're in the girl's room. You don't want to go in there, Pat. There's a fight in the girl's room.

Pat Boone: Okay.

Space Ghost: And you're a guy who can't fight, so, yeah... you're stuck.

Pat Boone: (laughing) Okay.

Space Ghost: Now, Pat, we'll talk about my powers later. Later, notices.

Pat Boone: Okay.

Space Ghost: On to something I can control. (flies off)

Pat Boone: (laughing) Okay!

(Zorak is in the girl's room, and he
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another episode of Space Ghost Coast to Coast! Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have something in common. They're both from the lower class, and they're both from the future. Which is to say, they're both from outer space. So, who is Nando? And where is El Vey? (dramatic music in background, all projection devices are turned on) That was very interesting. Well, I won't bore you with details. You can refer to the show as "The Great American Mystery Show".

Zorak: (off camera) Yeah, thanks for nothin'.

Space Ghost: The Great American Mystery Show? What's that now, Black Widow?

Zorak: I thought you were supposed to give the gang a break!

Space Ghost: Yeah, but I kept sayin' "break" and "show" and "YOUR MOVEMENT IS THE MIKE MCKAY EVIL BRAKE" and stuff like that. And you guys are evil, aren't you?! And don't you ever wanna mess with the Tooth Fairy again!

Zorak: Hey, I'm evil too!

Space Ghost: Oh, yeah, don't ya ever wanna mess with the Tooth Fairy, huh, Zorak? She'll- she'll swoop in and save the day!

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, I'll stop you!

Space Ghost: Zorak, you're evil.

Moltar: Yeah, I am too!

Zorak: We hate you!

Moltar: And I would like to get his head on a stake!

Space Ghost: (speaking over Zorak's screaming) Well, that's just what I was gonna do! So, how's your Uncle Mike?

Zorak: (starts growling, growling sounds become more distinct, louder)

Space Ghost: You know, Zorak, sometimes I just don't get you.

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Space Ghost: You mean, maybe it's because you're, you're just a little... different.

Zorak: Yeah, well, that's why I'm here! (stands up) 'Cause I've always been here.

Space Ghost: You don't fit in.

Zorak: Yeah, I know.

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of that?

Zorak: Well, it just doesn't sit right.

Space Ghost: You need to come with me.

Zorak: No, I want to go home.

Space Ghost: There's just a lot of things to do in New York.

Zorak: Yeah, and there's no place to go!

Space Ghost: Yeah, and there's no place to go, except for home. Eh, right.

Zorak: Well, that's why I'm here! 'Cause I thought of that other guy, the one with the beard...

Space Ghost: Yeah. So, what's his name?

Zorak: I don't know! How did you find this out?

Space Ghost: Well, I'm sure you two watched the show.

Zorak: I... watched it?

Space Ghost: Yes!

Zorak: But you didn't!

Space Ghost: Yes, I saw it with my own two eyes!

Zorak:!

Space Ghost: You didn't!

Zorak:!

Space Ghost: So, what's this "other guy" all the "crazy stuff" about?

Zorak: You mean, uh, Bigfoot?

Space Ghost: No, no, he's all over that. You know why? Because he's got that "etch! 'Cause he's got that "etch!" And he's got that "etch!"

Zorak: Psychic!

Space Ghost: You mean Bigfoot, you freak!

Brak: Hey, my necktie!

Space Ghost: There's one under my nose!

Zorak: There's one under my nose!

Space Ghost: Well, what's that?

Zorak: I smell something...

Space Ghost: Oh, well, that's why I started sleepin' in the trees!

(Pause)

Zorak: Brak, sniff my ass!
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am Space Ghost. Welcome to my beautiful land. Let me tell you about my many adventures. I mean, let me tell you about Adventures in Paradise Lost, and Space Ghost Fever, and... Prism, the Magic Dragon.

Zorak: Okay, the magic dragon!

Space Ghost: A wonderful world, filled with wonders and wonders. My guests tonight include the Arc de Triomphe, the guardian of freedom; talk to me about your nightmares!

Moltar: Okay, the magic dragon!

Space Ghost: You mean like, um, flying cars?

Moltar: Yeah, yeah. And, uh, space mines?

Space Ghost: You mean like, exploding buildings?

Moltar: Yeah, and robots?

Space Ghost: (listening) Well, Taddles, maybe you and I could use a robot to help us get some advice for our budget problems.

Taddles: Okay, thanks, but no thanks. Our problems can be solved by listening to each other.

Space Ghost: Okay, so I'll tell you what, Moltar. I'll hook you up with a prostitute.

Taddles: Okay, I hear ya.

Space Ghost: Listen, Tad, I know you're married.

Tad Ghostal: Wh-, why would I marry you?

Space Ghost: Just so you know, I've been seeing someone...

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Space Ghost: Oh, really.

Advertising

Space Ghost: Yes! Professional help.

Tad Ghostal: Uh, see, I can do everything from a hook-up to a marriage.

Space Ghost: You can't make me do anything, can you?

Tad Ghostal: Can't make you do anything, man. I can break your neck, and you can't stop me.

Space Ghost: You could stop me. You could break my neck.

Tad Ghostal: You wouldn't be here, would you?

Space Ghost: Well, I'd know if you weren't here. I'd stop gambling, and I'd go backpacking, and I'd see if I could find another job.

Tad Ghostal: You couldn't find another job, would you?

Space Ghost: No, I'd find another job, I swear! I'd find another job, WOO!

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Tad Ghostal: Well, I know what I'd do. I'd run across the street and hide under the Bus Stop. I'd hide under the Diablo III statue, okay?

Space Ghost: You wouldn't be here, would you?

Tad Ghostal: (laughs) We'll look forward to seeing you at the Big House. (lights up)

(Bright light washes out the screen)

Space Ghost: (voice-over) So, how's your little sister Merida?

Tad Ghostal: Yeah, hey there, little brother.

Space Ghost: (voice-over) How's your little sister Merida?

Tad Ghostal: She's doing all the things that she wants, and you're stuck here wondering why...

Space Ghost: (stares at Tadh)

Tad Ghostal: What's wrong with you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: (reaches into his cape, takes off) Because I'm better than you...

Tad Ghostal: Aw, Space Ghost, I've told you before, I'm better than you. You're nothing without me.

Space Ghost: (begins walking away)

Tad Ghostal: (knocks on the chain) Space Ghost, stop.

Space Ghost: What are you doing?

Tad Ghostal: I'm trying to lead you into a fulfilling marriage.

Space Ghost: (stares at Tadh)

Tad Ghostal: (knocks again) Space Ghost, stop.

Space Ghost: What?

Tad Ghostal: I am trying to lead you into a fulfilling marriage.

Space Ghost: (stares at Tadh)

Tad Ghostal: (knocks again) Space Ghost, stop.

Space Ghost: What?

Tad Ghostal: I am trying to lead you into a fulfilling marriage.

Space Ghost: (stares at Tadh)

Tad Ghostal: (knocks again) Space Ghost, stop.

Space Ghost: What?

Tad Ghostal: I am trying to lead you into a fulfilling marriage.
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love! Moltar, play something funky!

Moltar: (throws lever, music starts playing backwards; a talking dog comes out of a shed) Aaaaa! Hello!

Zorak: Hey! What's goin' on?

Space Ghost: (invisos into control room) Zorak, you are a fat lady now.

Zorak: No! I'm furious! (blasts Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (invisos into studio) What in the name of Vic Tayback was that?

Moltar: Where's Vic?

Space Ghost: I am the Space Ghost. You are nothing!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing! Except for you!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing!

(Zorak continues blasting Space Ghost)

Zorak: Space Ghost, take off that horrible mask!

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Hello!

Zorak: You've been there before. (blasts Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (bounds back to his desk) Undress me with your eyes, my work is done here.

Zorak: I haven't even begun to dress you!

Space Ghost: That's right! You've been there before, haven't you?

Zorak: You know what? I'll even rip out my own eyes and show you!

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Zorak: You're a lucky man! I might just knock your teeth off!

Space Ghost: Well, show me!

Zorak: Ooooh! (pulls lever, lasers pop)

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't even have a face!

Zorak: You do?

Space Ghost: Yeah, I do.

Zorak: You're kidding!

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak again)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't have a face!

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak again)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't have a face!

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak again)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't have a face!

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: Yeah, I did.

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: Hey, I did! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't have a face!

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: Hey, I did! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't have a face!

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: Hey, I did! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, laser blasts Moltar again)

Space Ghost: And he doesn't have a face!

Zorak: You didn't have a face!

Space Ghost: Hey, I did! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings and hello, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have something in common. They're both from the Lower East Side.

Zorak: Lower East Side?

Moltar: Yeah, and?

Zorak: Uh, they're both from the SoHo district.

Moltar: Yeah, and?

Zorak: (pause) And?

Moltar: And, and, and they both speak with a heavy accent.

Zorak: What?

Moltar: And, and they both use umbrellas.

Zorak: I see.

Space Ghost: Umbrella? Use what?

Moltar: What does that mean?

Zorak: I don't know.

Space Ghost: It's all right. Really. They're umbrellas. I've never seen a bug wearing an umbrella.

Moltar: Yeah, but that's what I thought they were.

Space Ghost: No, no. Use an umbrella.

Zorak: Yeah, but what if somebody's wearing one of those stupid hats?

Space Ghost: What if, Bob, for instance, Zorak was wearing a hat?

Bob Costas: Would that be considered racist?

Space Ghost: No, it's okay. He's from outer space, and outer space is where I come from. So, yeah, I guess that's okay.

Bob Costas: Yeah, it's not, there's a long line of people wearing 'em.

Space Ghost: Yeah, 'cause they're cheap. at least in the Bronx.

Zorak: That's just what he's sayin'. We're gonna laugh at him.

Space Ghost: We'll also laugh at Moltar, because he's apparently the nicest person I've ever met.

Moltar: You're from outer space, Billy, and you speak with a long, uh, accent.

Space Ghost: I am not entertainin' you.

Moltar: You're from outer space, Billy, and you speak with a long, uh, accent.

Space Ghost: I'm from outer space, Billy, and I speak with the long, uh, accent.

Moltar: I see.

Space Ghost: You're a very good listener. I like the way that you talk. You're very, uh, you're very perceptive, and you've got a great brain. I like the way that you think.

Bob Costas: You're very perceptive, and you've got a great brain.

Space Ghost: (listening) Well, thanks.

Bob Costas: You're very perceptive, and you've got a great brain. I like the way that you talk.

Zorak: Perceptive! (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: Yeah, well...

Bob Costas: You're very perceptive, and you've got a great brain.

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You like the way I talk, don't you? That's what I mean, is it 's sound like you talk?

Bob Costas: No.

Space Ghost: You think it's a good sound. Do you think it's a good sound?

Bob Costas: No.

Space Ghost: What do you think of it?

Bob Costas: I haven't tried it.

Space Ghost: You haven't tried it, haven't you? Well, then I must be doing something right.

Bob Costas: No, I haven't tried it. I've just discovered something.

Something's wrong with my brain.

Space Ghost: What?

Bob Costas: I have a question for you. How did you survive for so long without ever eating or drinking?

Space Ghost: Uh...

Bob Costas: You keep your cranberry juice.

Space Ghost: Uh...

Bob Costas: You have a very long history of not having had anything to drink.

Space Ghost: And you've been around a long time.

Bob Costas: I've been around a long time.

Space Ghost: I know.

Bob Costas: I know. I'm impressed.

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Bob Costas: Yes.

Space Ghost: What's your background?

Bob Costas: I come
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, just Beck. The producers have asked me to cut away from the "Beck" bit, it's too graphic an episode. That's why I came here, to get away. (remains silent during rest of theme & titles) Okay, here goes!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are Grizzly, Reno, and Bonnie. And don't you look forward to it, or the surprise twist! (lavish music plays; Space Ghost is about to inviso in) Tonight's guests are Grizzly and Reno, and don't you look forward to it, or the surprise twist! (music ends abruptly)

Zorak: Hey, show!

Space Ghost: Sorry, didn't mean to ruin your show. (punches Zorak in the face) That's better.

Zorak: You didn't need that.

Space Ghost: Yes they do. You always say that. And you are a real meteorologist now, thanks so much.

William Shatner: (metallic echo) Well, I'm not a meteorologist, I'm a freak.

(In control room)

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Moltar: (on Moltar's monitor) Well, I'm here too.

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Zorak: (on Moltar's monitor) Hey, I'm here too.

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Moltar: (on Moltar's monitor) Well, I'm here too.

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Zorak: (on Moltar's monitor) Hey, I'm here too.

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Moltar: (on Moltar's monitor) Well, I'm here too.

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Zorak: (on Moltar's monitor) Hey, I'm here too.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay.

Moltar: (on Moltar's monitor) I'm here too!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Moltar: (on Space Ghost's monitor) I'm telling you, there's no such thing as gravity. You are the only one who can't jump.

Space Ghost: Globes are fake.

Zorak: They were presses!

Space Ghost: Actually, I think we are the pushovers. Because we're all so fragile. When we jump, the forces pulling us all will pitch our souls to the centrifugal force and shatter your fragile egos.

Moltar: (as Zorak voices) Aaaaaah!

Space Ghost: Oh no!

Moltar: (on Space Ghost's monitor) Well, that's what I heard. And I don't know what I was doing.

Space Ghost: You were silent.

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: Then what was he saying?

Moltar: What?

Space Ghost: That I should scream. That would be awesome.

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: What did he say?

Moltar: That what?

Space Ghost: That what!

Moltar: (stares)

Space Ghost: What did he say?

Moltar: What, what, what, what?

Space Ghost: HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!

Moltar: (stares)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Moltar: (silence)

Space Ghost: WHAT DID HE SAY!?

Zorak: (on Moltar's monitor) He's talking to the camera!

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh, it's a monkey on a stick.

Zorak: A cap? I see, uh, there's a monkey on a stick.

Space Ghost: That's right, there's a monkey on a stick. Welcome to the show, citizen, valedictorian, monkey on a stick.

Zorak: Hey, who's that guy?

Space Ghost: That's him, that's HIM.

Moltar: Hey, hey, don't look at him.

Zorak: He's gonna kill you!

Space Ghost: Well, I'm not gonna kill you, Zorak. I'm telling you, I'm not gonna kill you, are you willing to help?

Zorak: Help what?

Space Ghost: We're gonna play a game. And kill you.

Zorak: Oh, I'm not.

Space Ghost: And you'll be hearing a lot more from me in the morning.

Zorak: I'm not hearing anything.

Space Ghost: Good.

(Way Outs play Space Ghost theme & titles)

Space Ghost: Okay, folks, let's do some game show. I know you like to play.

Moltar: Space Ghost, please.

Space Ghost: I know you like to play.

Moltar: Space Ghost, please.

Space Ghost: I know you like to play.

Moltar: Space Ghost, please.

Space Ghost: I know you like to play.

Moltar: Space Ghost, please.

Space Ghost: I know you like to play.

Moltar: And now, the conclusion of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". And, a special surprise appearance by Wilco. (appears onstage with Wilco, with help from dummy) It's a sold out show, folks, but feel free to come by if you wish to see Wilco. And don't forget, for a limited time only, if you purchase a Wilco CD or a Virtual Tour of Britain, you can get a commemorative Wilco shirt. (shirts are sold out)

Zorak: (costs $39.95) A shirt!

Space Ghost: That's a cool shirt. What do you get when you order a shirt with Space Ghost on it?

Zorak: A commemorative shirt.

Space Ghost: That's a cool shirt! What's not cool is when someone says "I got a shirt." What do you get? A commemorative shirt.

Zorak: (costs $39.95) A shirt!

Space Ghost: What do you get when you order a shirt with Space Ghost on it? A commemorative shirt.

Zorak: A shirt!

Space Ghost: What's not cool is when someone says, "I got a shirt." What do you get? A commemorative shirt.

Zorak: A shirt!

Space Ghost: I hate shirts!

Zorak: That's what you get! A shirt!

Space Ghost: I hate shirts!

Zorak: Hey, I hate shirts!

Moltar: Hey, I hate shirts!

Zorak: All right, I hate shirts! I got a pair! I'll take 'em home! (off camera)

Space Ghost: I love those shoes!

Beck: (invisos to desk, with help from dummy) Hey, look, buddy! I'm makein' some mary!

Space Ghost: Make yourself!

Beck: Yes, sir.

Moltar: Hey, buddy! I'm makin' some mary!

Space Ghost: Oh, you're makein' some m
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (silence) What are you afraid of, Space Ghost?

Zorak: Nothing.

Space Ghost: Nothing! Nothing!

Zorak: Ehhh...

Space Ghost: Nothing!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing!

Zorak: Nothing!

Space Ghost: Nothing!

Zorak: Zip, zero.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't.

Moltar: Hey, uh, Space Ghost? Some guy up here wants to see ya.

Space Ghost: (block party atmosphere with hand-drawn map and floaties) Yeah, well, that guy's name's Sam Butera, and he's got a cool name. He wants to see ya. So do you, Sam?

Sam Butera: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (flies off)

Zorak: Huh. That was a swell party!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: (floating, makes "sea life" gesture) I am Sam Butera, and I am floating in space! To you, the audience and all who may follow me, I say this: (dances) I am Sam Butera, and I am floating in space! To you, the audience and all who may follow me, I say this: (waves) I am Sam Butera, and I am floating in space! (waves) (drinks coffee) Is that all right?

Zorak: (waves) Yeah!

Space Ghost: (on Moltar's monitor) Look good, citizen, you've made a lot of friends.

Moltar: Yeah!

Space Ghost: (waves) I'm a big talk show host, and I'm a big talk show host! And I'm a big talk show host! Now, if you'd like to come and see me off, uh, go ahead.

Zorak: Um... do we have a specific reason for excluding you from the show?

Space Ghost: (waves) Um... you don't know, right? I'm a little confused.

Zorak: Okay. Um... no.

Space Ghost: Y'know, when I was little I used to go to the mall and bem iced by the cool kids. iced right?

Zorak: Right. (waves) iced right. iced right. iced right.

Space Ghost: Good! I iced right! iced right! iced right!

Zorak: I didn't have any ice! iced right!

Space Ghost: Zorak! iced right!

Zorak: I didn't have any ice! iced right!

Space Ghost: You didn't have any ice! Where'd you leave it? iced right?

Zorak
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well hello there, and welcome to the big crazy-time! Tonight, Space Ghost, neuroscientist Dr. Nightmare, and attorney Dr. Nightmare, along with band leader Blip. And special guest Adrian Younge. How would you like it if Snoop Dog came through your front door wearing a kilt?

Zorak: (sunglasses) What are you doing?

Space Ghost: (off camera) Gee, that's a great plan. We could launch Blip into space to kill Zorak.

Tansut: How about Snack Attack?

Space Ghost: Sure, great plan, hm. Well, we'll see about that. (hands over his face)

Tansut: (laughs) You've got a pretty good plan, Space Ghost, don't you?

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, I'm glad you asked.

Tansut: You've been making me feel very uncomfortable, have I been watching this show?

Space Ghost: (laughing) No, I haven't, Tansut.

Tansut: (screaming) AAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: (laughing) No, I haven't, Tansut.

Tansut: (standing up) No you haven't!

Space Ghost: You didn't!

Tansut: (standing back down) WAKE UP!

Zorak: (back in control room) Where's Tansut?!

Moltar: You asshole!

Space Ghost: Oh, he's back!

Tansut: (back on set) That's right, he's back!

Zorak: (back in studio) Well, thanks for ruining my chance of a lifetime, you jerk!

Space Ghost: (laughing) You're not gonna get me are you?

Zorak: You're not gonna get me are you?

Space Ghost: No, I'm gonna get you. You're all set. Now, how about this pantsuit I was gonna show you?

Zorak: (beat) What are you showin' me?

Space Ghost: Here, give me a call. I'll hook you up with some help.

(Space Ghost is standing in the control room with a blonde wig and a sideburn)

Space Ghost: So, what's your thing?

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

(Space Ghost invisos in)

Space Ghost: Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (low voice) What are you talkin' about?

Zorak: Only the comfort and affordability of Dr. Kwazar's Industrial Ointment.

Space Ghost: Ointment?

Zorak: Industrial ointment!

Space Ghost: (stares)

Zorak: It's good.

Moltar: Hey, Space Ghost, lemme clue you in to the premise of this episode.

Zorak: This is going to be a long one.

Moltar: Space Ghost, you're wearing a wig.

Space Ghost: Uh, no.

Moltar: You're not wearing a wig.

Space Ghost: (silence) Uh, anyway...

Zorak: "Space Ghost" is a misnomer. He is not a botanical.

Space Ghost: Wrong.

Zorak: Nope.

Moltar: Nope.

Zorak: Nope.

Space Ghost: He is not a botanical.

Zorak: It's a misnomer!

Space Ghost: Wrong!

Zorak: Yep.

Moltar: Space Ghost is a botanical.

Space Ghost: (stares)

Zorak: A misnomer!

Space Ghost: (stares)

Zorak: A misnomer!

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: A misnomer!

Moltar: Okay. Zorak, you're the guest
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we're sure they'll be very excited to be here, and to watch. But we're not talking about the old Space Ghost stories, are we? What about the Space Quiz Wars, or the Kapp Ketch-ups? Those pesky recluses! They bother so much! Why, just give me a clue! A hint, a suggestion! (chuckles)

Space Ghost: Allrighty!-

Zorak: -And now, the big finale. See if you don't qualify for a gold star! (chuckles)

Space Ghost: How'd you do that?

Zorak: I had to smack Dr. Maxcy several times, and that's before I even got a chance to smack Steve.

Space Ghost: You didn't even smack Steve!

Zorak: I smack Steve!

Space Ghost: You know what? You don't smack Steve!

Zorak: I smack Steve!

Space Ghost: You don't smack Steve, you gentle reader!

Zorak: I smack Steve!

Space Ghost: You know what?

Zorak: Yes!

Space Ghost: Whaddaya mean?

Zorak: Nothing! Just a little smack!

Space Ghost: Aaight!

Zorak: Aaight!

Space Ghost: You want a piece of me?

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

Zorak: C'mon! You want a piece of me!

Space Ghost: Aaaaah! Put a dime in the water!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Zorak: (munching sounds)

Space Ghost: Hey Zorak, what're you eating?

Zorak: Eh - pork rinds.

Space Ghost: What are pork rinds?

Zorak: They're deep fried skin of a swine. Mmm.

Space Ghost: Ewwww! ... Are they any good?

Zorak: They're barbecue flavored.

Space Ghost: Hmm. So where is this little talk leading.

Zorak: N'I dunno. I think we're just filling time before another cartoon.

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and welcome to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink!

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (stares back)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) (glares at Zorak)

Zorak: (stares back)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) (glares at Zorak)

Zorak: (off camera) What!?!

Moltar: Hey, uh, hey there.

Space Ghost: (laughs) You're a big jerk!

Zorak: (stares back)

Moltar: Hey, sorry.

Space Ghost: (bounds back to desk) We're back, right?

Zorak: (off camera) What!?!

Moltar: I didn't mean to make you feel bad!

Space Ghost: (bounds back to desk) That's what I meant! When I was little I used to go to the zoo and see this gorilla named Butch. All alone. Why is he so special?

Zorak: (off camera) Whaddaya think of that?

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, with Zorak as observer) Tonight's guests are, um, but not uh...

Moltar: Tonight!

Space Ghost: And, uh, they're friends of mine.

Zorak: I love bananas!

Space Ghost: Wait a minute! I've never even seen a banana in my entire life! Zorak, have you ever seen a banana?

Zorak: A banana would be a freak!

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: Uhh...

Space Ghost: You're crazy! You've never even seen a banana! How did you know what a banana was?

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: You're crazy! You've never even seen a banana! And you think I got a hold of 'em! I order one!

Zorak: What are you crazy about?

Space Ghost: (quietly) I never wanted one.

Zorak: What do you mean?

Space Ghost: You know what, Mr. Crazy, I think I ordered one.

Zorak: Well, why don't you just go get it?

Space Ghost: No.

Zorak: Why don't you just get it now?

Space Ghost: Because it's fun!

Zorak: Seriously?

Space Ghost: You want one now?

Zorak: Ehh... All right. (quietly) Um...

Space Ghost: Okay. (presses a button, a cassette plays, the intro to the song "Intro to Space Ghost" is played. The song resumes.)

Zorak: Hey! What's the name of that song?

Space Ghost: "Intro to Space Ghost."

Zorak: Who's "it"?

Space Ghost: Nobody!

Zorak: It's "it," man! It's that song!

Space Ghost: Thank you.

Zorak: That's why you asked me.

Space Ghost: You're crazy, crazy Zorak.

Zorak: Yeah, I'm MAD!

Space Ghost: What, you're MAD because I asked you for one?

Zorak: Ehh... No, no. I'm MAD because I didn't even watch the show!

Space Ghost: You were supposed to ask me!

Zorak
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, just Beck. The producers have decided they want to stage the show as a trick, so they're throwing it, uh, this time. Uh, Beck is supposed to be on the spot. Uh, what happened to the show? ($digs through his bag, humming to himself) You know, in the middle of the night, I suddenly find myself in a trance. A trance like the one I found in a cave forty feet off the show field. I think I'm going to pass out and wake up.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight is guitarist/musician Beck. Also, I will blast Zorak repeatedly for busting up my rehearsal space.

Zorak: I'm back.

Space Ghost: Well, thanks for joining us, Zorak!

Zorak: No problem.

Space Ghost: You're a little late.

Zorak: Well, I've been breaking your drum set.

Space Ghost: Yes, I know that.

Zorak: And that's been going on for a while.

Space Ghost: Yes, well, here's a request I got from one of my adoring fans.

Beck: Oh, heh, I'm sorry, I, I had no idea that would happen.

Space Ghost: That's fine, just forget it, okay?

Beck: Okay.

Space Ghost: We're back, now's the time for a special segment of my show called "Who Do You Trust?"

Beck: Uh, I trust none of you.

Space Ghost: You trust none of us? Trust me.

Beck: Um, I trust... you.

Space Ghost: You trust me! You want to trust me!

Beck: Oh, um, you trust me, I don't think so.

Space Ghost: You don't think so, huh?

Beck: (pause) You trust me because I've done shit! I've been doing this show for 30 years! I've never had any problems!

Space Ghost: Well, thank God!

Beck: And I've never had any problems.

Space Ghost: Oh, you're welcome, thank you.

Beck: (shouts) I didn't know it was possible to be so in love with a girl!

Space Ghost: Wait a minute! Then let me tell you about a few problems I've had with a girl.

Beck: You mean... dating a girl?

Space Ghost: No, I mean... being with a girl.

Beck: Really?

Space Ghost: Yes. You know, there's this one girl I like to date. She's a total tomboy.

Beck: Really?!

Space Ghost: Yes. She's a tomboy, but she's also really into sports. You know that.

Beck: Okay, well, let's get on with it.

Space Ghost: You're already dating her!

Beck: Well, I don't think anyone's perfect, and I certainly don't want to date her, but I think she'd be great.

Space Ghost: (laughs) You think she'd be great? Well, then I'll tell you about a few problems I've had with her.

Beck: Um...

Space Ghost: You know, a few problems I've had with her.

Beck: Um...

Space Ghost: You know, a few problems do not include my love for you.

Beck: Y'know what?

Space Ghost: Yes. Problems include dressing provocatively, not letting my wife see my IUD, and...

Beck: You don't have any problems.

Space Ghost: Well, we'll talk about that later. Now, when I was a kid, and lived in a cave, I used to run around in my underwear, and find things to eat, because I had no food.

Beck: Uh, you don't have any problems with that.

Space Ghost: Well, that's just when I was about to cry. (starts crying) Because of you, my buddy.

Beck: My what?

Space Ghost: (cries some more)

Beck: You're not a buddy. (cries some more)

Space Ghost: When I was a kid, and lived in a cave, I used to run around in my underwear, and find things to eat, because I had no food.

Beck: (stares back)

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, welcome to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have something in common. They're both from the outer... edges of the known universe. And they both want to talk to you.

Space Ghost: Gotcha.

Zorak: We're ready.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: Yeah, come on.

Space Ghost: You're the man, Zorak.

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!

Zorak: You're the man!

Space Ghost: You're the man!


====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well hello there, and welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in there! Mmmomma!

Zorak: Hey, Moltar!

Moltar: Whoa! Wooooo!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost, and here tonight on my show, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner, David Cross. Mmmomma! Mmmomma!

Zorak: Hey, Moltar!

Moltar: What?

Zorak: You're a jerk!

Moltar: Shut it!

Zorak: We're not a jerk! We're lawyers!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, that's what I thought.

Zorak: You're a salaryman, and you've lost the ghost!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: We were just discussing compensation.

Space Ghost: You're a salaryman, and you've lost the ghost!

Zorak: You know what? I'm okay. I'm moving. I'm getting away.

Space Ghost: Really? Well, what do you mean?

Zorak: It's better to be away than to come back to a job that requires constant contact with the devil.

Space Ghost: Hey, Zorak, listen to me. Zorak, you're a hired hand, and you're not going to get your comeuppance by telling this stooge that he's a hired hand. You're a dirty trickster, and you're going to have to go to jail!

Zorak: Don't worry, I'll be right over. (jumps in front of Space Ghost's desk)

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! (punches Zorak)

Zorak: Hey, it was a trick!

Space Ghost: Now, get out there and play me to the desk.

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster! (punches Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! Now get out there and play me to the desk!

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster! (punches Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! Now get out there and play me to the desk!

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster! (punches Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! Now get out there and play me to the desk!

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster! (punches Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! Now get out there and play me to the desk!

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster! (punches Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! Now get out there and play me to the desk!

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster!

Space Ghost: You're a dirty trickster! Now get out there and play me to the desk!

Zorak: You're a dirty trickster!

(Space Ghost blasts Zorak)

Zorak: Aaaaaaaaa! (coughs)

Moltar: (throws lever, sending David to studio monitor)

David Lander: (on monitor) Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show.

Zorak: Hang on, Hang on, I've got a question.

Space Ghost: You're a fellow talk show host, do you have any advice for me?

David Lander: Always introduce yourself to the guests before the show. That way, you know, they'll know who's hostin' it.

Space Ghost: I'm hosting it! Space Ghost!

David Lander: Well, I was thinkin' you'd come into my dressing room and introduce yourself.

Space Ghost: Really? Oh well, that's a good idea. So, how's it goin' over there, Lars?

Lars Mikkelsen: Oh, Lars is great. He's a really nice guy. Really. You should introduce him to the ladies.

Space Ghost: I didn't think of that.

Moltar: (laughs) You're a stick-figure, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Actually, I
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, welcome to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Moltar, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.

Moltar: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?

Space Ghost: And who's that with, Moltar? Who's that with, Zorak?

Moltar: That's it, I've told you, I've told you twice, I've told you once again!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Space Ghost: You didn't answer my question!

Zorak: Yes I did!

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, that's just what we had planned!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: We were going to start this wonderful interview, where you could actually hear my jokes, you know, the ones that I'm sure you've heard plenty of times.

Zorak: You actually plan on having me on your show? That's awesome! Heyyy! What about me?

Space Ghost: Oh, you want me to be your girlfriend?

Zorak: You already have a girlfriend!

Space Ghost: Well, what about me?

Zorak: Well, I'm all yours! Just as long as you don't break the law!

Space Ghost: You already have an extensive criminal record, don't you?

Zorak: You know what the law says!

Space Ghost: Oh, yes! Everything from crackpot to crackpot has been busted by the authorities! And you're good! So go ahead, bust me too!

Zorak: Yeah, I'm the bestest prisoner in the whole damn prison!

Space Ghost: Zorak-

Zorak: Hey, buddy!

Space Ghost: You and me! Together at last! Oh, Zorak-

Zorak: Wo! What was that?

Space Ghost: That's what I call a "blow me up!"

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: And there you have a girlfriend! How about a roommate, eh?

Zorak: You don't have any!

Space Ghost: Well, I'm not a roommate! I'm Space Ghost!

Zorak: Wooh! What are you going on about?

Space Ghost: You know, Zorak, you're a little late.

Zorak: Well, I'm a "blah blah blah" when it comes to crime. Blah bla bla bla bla.

Space Ghost: And yet, you've been doing quite a few "blah bla bla" things.

Zorak: Like what?

Space Ghost: Well, I suppose there could be several things that qualify you for the "blah blah blah".

Zorak: Like if you were to watch a movie, say, would you be able to tell which one was which?

Space Ghost: I don't think you could.

Zorak: Well, that's what I was going to say when I first heard the name "Blah Bla".

Space Ghost: I know, I know, but I was hoping you'd say something like that.

Zorak: Yeah, what's "blah bla"?

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they're all invited, because they're all friends of the show. That's right, everybody, invite your friends.

Zorak: And peons, let the invitations gazillion!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, and I'm Zorak, and we're ready to rock, to share our love for the outdoors, and our fear of flying. It's free, that's right, and all that jazz.

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (waves) (sings:)

It's free,

(Space Ghost invisos to desk)

Zorak: (lines up, drum roll)

Space Ghost: (lines up again, dance music begins)

Zorak: (fades from monitor)

Space Ghost: Ladies and gentlemen, host of the show, welcome legendary talk show host, Raven Symone.

Symone: Thank you! (appears on monitor, waves) So, how'm you feeling, being the guest of honor?

Space Ghost: (on monitor, waves) I'm feeling very well, indeed, I might even have a few good ideas for the guest.

Zorak: The guest of honor, uh...

Space Ghost: You're the man, Zorak. You and me, we got a thing for each other.

Zorak: I'm tellin' you, man, if this thing gets going, we're goin' to rip each other's faces off!

Space Ghost: You better hurry up!

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: I'm gonna give you a big rip! (rim shot)

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: (looks around)

Moltar: (walks up to console) Hey, uh, can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Space Ghost: Zorak, turn off the sprinklers. (quietly) I'm going to turn the sprinklers off.

Moltar: No, I hear me.

Space Ghost: Are you trying to do that?

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, with a big black brush) Hello, I just turned eighteen, and I'm thinking of going out on stage and meet the man, uh...

Zorak: He's thirty years old.

Space Ghost: He's thirty years old! Man, am I glad I stayed this extra thirty years!

Zorak: Why do you want to meet him?

Space Ghost: So I can beat the band.

Zorak: I think he wants to play me some music.

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (walks up to desk) What's his name again?

Zorak: Nana.

Space Ghost: He's so boring.

Zorak: What? He's a bore.

Space Ghost: You're boring!

Zorak: Yeah, well... I guess we'll talk about something else.

Space Ghost: You want to talk about something else?

Zorak: Yeah, well...

Space Ghost: You want to talk about anything?

Zorak: Anything, man?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Zorak: Seriously?

Space Ghost: Yep!

Zorak: Seriously!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: Zorak, did I do something wrong?

Zorak: Ah...

Space Ghost: Oh, it's all right. Now I have to go do something about that pesky energy drink.

Zorak: (pause) What does that mean?

Space Ghost: That's right, you're fiddling with the faucet. Which means, you're fiddling with the faucet.

Zorak: Yeah, well, what if
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (sputters, wide-eyed) What!?! (shot of all-mantis audience) Oh, great. Moltar! Why didn't you warn me?

Moltar: Hey, nobody tells me anything.

Space Ghost: That's right, Zorak. Moltar didn't know a thing about this. You see, I only told two special friends of yours. And then they told two friends, and then they told two friends. And so on, and so on, and so on... (as he talks, the screen splits into two, then four, then eight, and then sixteen talking Space Ghosts.)

Zorak: Well, I don't want no stinky "here is your life". It's embarrassing.

Space Ghost: Oh, hush up, Mr. Party Poop Bug. It'll be fun, fun, fun! We're gonna have guests who'll talk about you, and surprises. And afterwards, we're all going to a party downtown at the Taco King.

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: The Taco King?

Moltar: (reciting a jingle) "It's where the refried bean reigns supreme."

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, big band music plays from scratchy record in background; music stops as needle is dragged across record) Alrighty! (fanfare plays) Zorak, here comes your life! (fanfare finishes)

Zorak: Can't we skip this garbage and go straight to the tacos?

Space Ghost: No, now pipe down. (more big band background music) (clears throat) Ah, Zorak, what can one say? (family portrait with father, mother, two older siblings and baby Zorak; siblings dissappear one by one as Space Ghost speaks, followed by father's head) Born into a small family made even smaller by disgusting acts of cannibalism, you quickly entered into young bughood (police mug shot of Zorak in a leather jacket), and a life of evil.

Zorak: Hail, evil! Master of the universe! Hail, evil!

Space Ghost: Hail, evil! Warrior from the multiverse! Hail, evil!

Audience: (wild applause)

Space Ghost: (quietly) May I continue?

Zorak: Sure, it's your show.

Space Ghost: Alright. Well, here's a commercial for you.

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: And you're evil.

Audience: (wild applause)

Space Ghost: (quietly) May I continue?

Zorak: Sure, it's your show.

Space Ghost: (laughs nervously) You're evil.

Zorak: (in background) Hey, how ya doin'?

Space Ghost: Um...

Zorak: Bend over, you big dummy!

Space Ghost: Do I have to?

Zorak: I thought you were supposed to say that!

Space Ghost: You're evil, you're all alone, and here I am thinking I'll fight you. (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) Thanks.

Space Ghost: So, here's a proposal from one of our adoring fans. We want to see you in a romantic comedy with John Stamos. Could this possibly be on the way?

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: Yes!
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have something in common - they're both funny. That's right, they're both funny. And they both have stuff in common - they're both from the South Pacific.

Zorak: (voice-over) Hello, people! My work is dangerous! I'm afraid my sidekicks are wack!

Moltar: That's right! I'm a wacky sidekick!

Zorak: Don't worry, I'm a neat guy!

Space Ghost: (voice-over) That's right, I'm a wacky sidekick. And, I mean a lot of fun! I'm a raucous rhymes-and-ad libs guy!

Zorak: Cool! So what are you doin' in the White House?

Space Ghost: (on Moltar's monitor) Oh, I'm a White House correspondent.

Moltar: (disinterested) Oh, really?

Space Ghost: I am White House correspondent. That means I'm gonna hang out with the President of the United States, and that means I'm gonna say some stuff that makes sense.

Moltar: Oh, yeah? Well, that's what I'll do.

Space Ghost: Moltar, the President of the United States is a man who obviously has a lot of explaining to do.

Moltar: (nods)

Space Ghost: So what does he think of the Ghost Planet? Does he watch it?

Moltar: Huh.

Space Ghost: Do you have any advice for him?

Moltar: Let the power of Ponch compel you! (throws lever, puts Space Ghost on his monitor)

Space Ghost: Do the things that interest you over there.

Moltar: Zorak, the love of your life, and the man!

Space Ghost: And what about me?

Moltar: Well, first of all, I have a question about my balloon. You know, the kind that pops up in your mouth when you're trying to talk.

Space Ghost: Thank you.

Moltar: What?

Space Ghost: What's that?

Moltar: You're talking about my balloon.

Space Ghost: Yes I am.

Zorak: What kind of balloon?

Space Ghost: You know, regular, fluffy, life-giving, oxygen-rich balloon.

Zorak: (stares)

Space Ghost: What you see is what you get.

Zorak: So, there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Buddy, that's a great trick! But what's the balloon doing in here?

Zorak: It's supporting a cause! You know, a cause that I pride myself on supporting.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Right! So, what's this "cause" that you're fiddling with?

Zorak: Uh, it's, uh, it's for charity, and, uh, we're ...

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. So, you're fiddling with my brain, aren't you?

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, you're messing with my brain.

Space Ghost: You're messing with my brain, aren't you, Zorak?

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, give me a big old hug.

Space Ghost: (lowers on his desk)

Zorak: (offscreen) What?

(Credits roll)

Space Ghost: Thank you very much. I am, I am very honored to accept your nomination. But there's one thing I didn't ask for, and that's this: I want to meet Ralphie.

Zorak: Okay, but don't tell him I'll get in trouble.

Space Ghost: (flies off)

(Funny sound effect)

Waiting

Space Ghost: (flies back) I was just there... and I was just there.. and I was just there. (flies back)

(Shot of Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar sitting at a table)

Moltar: There's a wait staff member for you.

Space Ghost: Hey, wait staff! Where's that gnarly fellow?

Moltar: He's not a wait staff member at all.

Space Ghost: I shouldn't have
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? How do you spell that? Well, that's what I thought. And, so, as I was saying, "Yuk"?

Zorak: "Yuk"?

Space Ghost: No, that's right, "Yuk"?

Zorak: Oh, oh, it's that complicated.

Space Ghost: No, just plain old "Yuk"?

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Okay, plain old "Yuk"?

Zorak: Just do the "Y".

Space Ghost: I don't think that's very smart.

Zorak: It's not!

Space Ghost: No, it's "Yuk." Do you know what that means?

Zorak: (reading a book) It means you're stupid.

Space Ghost: It does not!

Zorak: It does not!

Space Ghost: That's what I thought. And there it was again, little red letters on the front of the DVD case, demanding that I give them money! (appears on monitor, with no money)

Zorak: What are you doing?

Space Ghost: (reading book) I'm reading "The Handmaid's Tale".

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Moltar: You know, we have a pretty good thing going. You know why?

Space Ghost: Why?

Moltar: Because, uh... (monitor shows text:)

"Why?"

Zorak: Because they were afraid of the lights.

Space Ghost: Oh. Right.

Moltar: Now, you want to get out of here?

Space Ghost: (pause) Why do you want to get out of here?

Moltar: What are we afraid of? (monitor shows text:)

"Lighting".

Zorak: "Lights"?

Space Ghost: Oh. Well, here's a goodnight to all.

Zorak: Goodnight, all.

Space Ghost: Zorak, you're fired.

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Thank you. (walks off)

Space Ghost: Thank you, Joe. I'll be on the phone to let you know when and where we are. Thanks for stopping by.

Zorak: You're fired.

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: I sued you for back wages! You can't get a dime from me!

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Zorak: Yeah! You can't get a dime from me!

Space Ghost: (pause) Alright.

Zorak: You're fired!

Space Ghost: What!?

Zorak: You know what? You are fired!

Space Ghost: (pause) (glares at Zorak)

Zorak: (
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) What's so embarrassed about it?

Zorak: Don't worry about it, Space Ghost, you're not special.

Space Ghost: (looks at Zorak)

Zorak: You're not special?

Space Ghost: Haven't you ever seen a Space Ghost movie?

Zorak: (stares back silently)

Space Ghost: You're so special you're scary me.

Zorak: You're scary good!

Space Ghost: I bet you two are scary scary too!

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

The Beginning of the End

The Ultimate Weapon

Entertainment

(Way Outs play Space Ghost helmet off during intro)

Space Ghost: Greetings, you people. I am Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love.

Zorak: Yeah, eat lots of the food of love.

Space Ghost: And you're gonna get burnt.

Zorak: Well, I'm going to order some food. So get set.

(Way Outs play Space Ghost helmet off during intro)

Space Ghost: And we're both gonna get burnt.

Zorak: Oh, man!

Space Ghost: We're so excited to be here, ladies and gentlemen, you too, Zorak.

Zorak: Oh, you're crazy!

Space Ghost: We're excited to be here, man.

Zorak: So excited to be here!

Space Ghost: That's why we're here. To get the Ultimate Weapon.

Zorak: Um...

Space Ghost: That's right, we're gonna order some food. And you're gonna get burnt.

Zorak: C'mon, man. We're not gonna get burnt!

Space Ghost: And we're all going to die! So don't you just get burnt!

Zorak: Oh, yeah, get scorched.

Space Ghost: That's what I thought.

Zorak: C'mon! Get scorched!

Space Ghost: Uh... (puts his hand over his face) I'm sorry, what.

Zorak: That's okay, it's okay.

Space Ghost: You're not okay! You're a big fat ...

Zorak: Shut up!

Space Ghost: You're a big fat ...

Zorak: LIAR!

Space Ghost: LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!

Zorak: WEIRD!

Space Ghost: WEIRD!

Zorak: FUNDAMADOODOO!

Space Ghost: Okay, that's enough! I'm not crazy!

Zorak: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

Space Ghost: Well, thank you. I'm not crazy! But I do have some questions for you.

Zorak: Questions?

Space Ghost: Sure, you're welcome to those. What was the name of the song?

Zorak: "Bohemian Rhapsody".

Space Ghost: Oh. "What's the name of my- ?"

Zorak: "Jonah."

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: "Jonah, The King of Small Things."

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: "Jonah, The King of Small Things."

Space Ghost: Oh. Well, thank you.

Zorak: You're welcome.

Space Ghost: Thank you, Jon. Now on with Stern!

Jon Stewart: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Do you have a pet name for me?

Jon Stewart: I don't know.

Space Ghost: What?

Jon Stewart: Never mind.

Space Ghost: (does his power band move thing)

Jon Stewart: That's what I do in every show.

Space Ghost: I hate that guy.

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they're both funny. That creepy guy, however, is in the recording studio, and he's not funny. That's right, creepy guy. (crying) He's in the recording studio right now, and he's not in the recording studio! Are you guys all right?

Zorak: (appears in center of screen, with name tag) Hello!

Space Ghost: Where's Tansut?

Moltar: Uh... he fell off the hammer.

Zorak: He did?

Moltar: He was right there.

Space Ghost: Really?

Zorak: Yeah, look at that! Crazy good!

Space Ghost: (looks at Zorak) I think he's got a point.

(In control room)

Space Ghost: Steve Arnold! Come on, man! Start somethin'!

Steve Arnold: I'm sorry, sir, I can't start somethin'. Got caught in the mantis, and I'm not sure how to get out.

Space Ghost: Steve...

Steve Arnold: Look, I am in no hurry, and I don't know where I am. Have patience, sir.

Space Ghost: Steve!

Steve Arnold: I have patience.

Space Ghost: Steve!

Steve Arnold: I have patience.

Space Ghost: Steve!

Steve Arnold: Please! I'm begging you!

Space Ghost: Steve!

Steve Arnold: I have a Porsche.

Space Ghost: Really?

Steve Arnold: Yep! We stole it!

Space Ghost: Why?

Steve Arnold: 'Cause it had $$$ on it! (laughs)

Zorak: It was a test drive!

Space Ghost: You want your money?

Steve Arnold: You better believe it! (laughs)

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: Well, what do you get for your money?

Steve Arnold: What do you get for your money?

Space Ghost: You got a real treat for your money, if you can believe that. A big fat plate of meat!

Steve Arnold: You really, you got a treat for your money, don't you?

Space Ghost: Yeah, I got a big fat plate of meat. Did I get a little something for my money?

Steve Arnold: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Steve Arnold: Thank you.

Space Ghost: I should be on HBO. What's their problem?

Steve Arnold: HBO has no problem, you know you're doing this merely as an audition to get on their, Ghost. That's where it's all happening. All the creativity, you're saddled over here at the Cartoon Network. You know there are certain things you can't say.

Space Ghost: Who are you, Steve?

Steve Arnold: I'm Castle Rock, uh, primordial, uh, of space. You know, man, the way I was brought up...

Space Ghost: I was told that primordial was the best place to be, because then you would have a better chance of landing the show. The way I was brought up...

Steve Arnold: You're too scared to ask the questions, are you, you're too scared to ask the right questions?

Space Ghost: No! No! What are you afraid of?

Steve Arnold: Well, (laughs) I don't know, maybe you should go see a counselor.

Space Ghost: Got a question!

Steve Arnold: What are your superpowers, and how did you get them?

Space Ghost: I bet you're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Steve Arnold: (shouts) You mean something, you better be stronger than that!

Space Ghost: I bet you're fiercer than a grizzly bear! (starts growling)

Steve Arnold: You are an aggressive, take-charge kind of guy.

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, you know I bet you'd like to know how I became so fiercer.

Steve Arnold: You ever wonder how your life changed when you became a contestant on "Survivor?"

Space Ghost: Oh, never mind. Here's a letter from Eric Duerrrr.

Zorak: Here's another letter. Where'd he go? I wonder...

Space Ghost: Here's a letter from Spencer Sun. So, uh, how
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, hand me that fork.

Moltar: There's no need to. The food of love is here. (hands Moltar a fork)

Space Ghost: Thank you. (takes a deep breath and holds it in front of the desk)

Moltar: The food of love? It's all right.

Space Ghost: You were warned. (sits down at his desk)

Moltar: The food of love is here! (spills out of his mug)

Space Ghost: The food of love...

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut. Welcome to the big show. What do you get when you cross a zombie with a hungry Veggie Tales? A very dead Bob Odenkirk. (chanting) Bob Odenkirk, you show yourself this instant. (chanting) Bob Odenkirk, you give me a vision! You give me the vision that you will use to your advantage, the end.

Zorak: (appears in center of screen, with a bottle on his head and a can on his shoulder) Hi, Bob!

Bob Odenkirk: Hello, how are ya?

Tansut: I'm good.

Bob Odenkirk: Where'd you get that sweater? It looks cheap. (looks at a nearby photo) It's a gift from you, Bob.

Tansut: Really? You're lookin' at it like it's some kind of talisman.

Bob Odenkirk: Well, it's not. (laughs)

Tansut: It's a toy, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: It's a toy you shouldn't have.

Tansut: It's a toy you absolutely must have.

(Space Ghost invisos to his desk)

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I think. What do you think?

Moltar: Um...

Space Ghost: Well, let's hear it.

Moltar: Um...

Space Ghost: I think you've been eating me.

Moltar: Uh...

Space Ghost: Well, you know what? I think you've been eating me.

Moltar: Bob! Get in there! (flies to control room) Uh... (emerging from his pod, with Moltar and Zorak) Hi, Bob.

Zorak: Hey.

Space Ghost: What's that?

Zorak: Quit yanking on my hair.

Moltar: Hey, uh, Bob?

Bob Odenkirk: Yes, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Ladies and gentlemen, host of Entertainment Tonight, Bob Odenkirk.

Bob Odenkirk: (lowers from ceiling on monitor) Uh...

Space Ghost: Hey, Bob, how's it Gozar?

Bob Odenkirk: That's, that's very, that's very nice of you, Gozar. So, uh, could you come in here for a spin?

Space Ghost: I'm in love with you, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: With you, being a space man.

Space Ghost: And a lady?

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, Bob.

Space Ghost: Sounds good. Well, I'll meet you back at the set because I have a lot of class. Moltar, break!

Moltar: Okay, uh, but before we get to the set, let's talk about this thing.

Space Ghost: Uh, it's, it's a time machine.

Moltar: A time machine! How does one use one?

Space Ghost: Well, you first have to set up shop in my time. Then you just sort of casually go from place to place while wearing the mask, and never say, "Hello, Bob!"

Bob Odenkirk: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You can't say that. You'd be a fool! To me, it's all one big long lie.

Bob Odenkirk: Oh.

Space Ghost: You're fooling me.

Bob Odenkirk: Oh, I'm sorry.

Space Ghost: Okay. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, you want to know why talk
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and welcome to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have departments where they work, and they're always ready with new tricks to make the show even more entertaining. That includes sending in extras to videotape their interviews, and even offering to pay for them. It's a ruse, though, the girls are often turned away when the tricks or promises are questioned.

Zorak: Hey, don't turn away the girls!

Moltar: Shut up, Zorak!

Zorak: Here's a picture of me.

Tansut: (in cutesy voice) Ho ho, ho, ho, this is a boy! (stands up) What's his name?

Zorak: That's nothin'.

Tansut: Ho, ho, ho, this is a boy!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, citizen, and welcome to my show! (invisos to desk) On tonight's show, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Zorak, play me to the desk and let's talk about my wonderful little insect friend, Space Ghost.

Zorak: (on keyboard) Ack! Ack! What are you doing?

Space Ghost: (on keyboard) Moltar, bring in my first guest.

Moltar: (throws lever; Alfred Hitchcock is in the control room, fingers crossed) Alfred Hitchcock!

Space Ghost: Welcome, Mr. Hitchcock!

Hitchcock: I'm ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Alfred Hitchcock! Where's Moltar?

Moltar: I'm doing some special stuff.

Space Ghost: (stares at Moltar)

Moltar: (throws lever again, Alfred disappears from monitor)

Space Ghost: Moltar, what's going on in here?

Moltar: (throws lever again, monitor shows Space Ghost, with text:)

1

Index:
Speech & Syntax

Space Ghost: (picks up microphone) Alfred?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: (lowers voice) Alfred, again.

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: (normal voice) Alfred, again.

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: Slow down!

Moltar: (throws lever, monitor text changes to show Space Ghost, with text:)

2

Index:
Speech & Syntax

Space Ghost: (lowers voice) Alfred, again.

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: (normal voice) Hello, citizen, and welcome to my show.

Moltar: Space Ghost, this is a very special occasion. (sits down from desk) I am very honored to be invited to be on your show.

Space Ghost: Moltar, how are you? Your wife's out there, on the phone, trying to talk to you.

Moltar: Uh, she's busy.

Space Ghost: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff)

Moltar: How're ya, Space Ghost? (phone rings)

Space Ghost: Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!

Moltar: Hello?

Space Ghost: Ladies and gentlemen, host of the biggest talk show on Earth, and cousin of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", here's your host, Astro Boy. And cousin of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous", cousin of "Family Guy", cousin of "Barney Miller", cousin of "MacGyver", cousin of "Fish", cousin of "Wade", cousin of "Space Ghost", cousin of "Blasts", cousin of "Earthling Man", cousin of "Space Ghost", cousin of "MacGyver", cousin of "rabbit", cousin of "MacGyver", cousin of "Chickens", cousin of "birds", cousin of "dinosaurs", cousin of "birds", cousin of "dinosaurs", cousin of "birds", cousin of "birds", cousin of "dinosaurs", cousin of "birds", uncle of "Chad Ghostal", cousin of "MacGyver", cousin of "rabbits", cousin of "bees", cousin of "birds", cousin of "dinosaurs", cousin of "MacGyver", cousin of "lizard", cousin of "lizard", cousin of "birds", uncool. (quack:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, this is Tansut. Welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma! Whoa, whoa, whoa! (music & light sabre use, but no actual sabre blows) That wasn't very funny, back there in the day when they made that movie, man. When they made that movie, man, the moon was made of magnolia. And there were these things...

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Alrighty then. Let's listen to Brak and I.

Brak: Hey, Space Ghost, what kinda dog do you have?

Space Ghost: Uh, I don't know, but he steals. A lot.

Brak: You mean he steals the stuff?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Brak: Because I wanted to steal it! And give it to you!

Space Ghost: Oh, well, thanks.

Zorak: So, do the bosses fight?

Space Ghost: Oh, yes! The bosses fight!

Zorak: I saw that on the Cartoon Network.

Space Ghost: Cartoon Network. Eh, what's it do?

Zorak: It's the king of them low-budget cable cartoon deaths.

Space Ghost: Cartoon Network? You mean, Cartoon Network?

Zorak: Yes, oh yes.

Space Ghost: King...of... what?

Zorak: King Worm!

Space Ghost: What? What are you talking about? The eyeballs are out there watching you.

Zorak: Ooooooh!

Space Ghost: Dummy! We're in trouble!

Zorak: Ooooooh!

Moltar: Send in the fuzz.

Zorak: AAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: Zorak, candlestick! We're underwater!

Zorak: AAAAAAAA!

Moltar: There's a raft below us!

Zorak: AAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: (aiming his power bands) This is the death ray! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) Thanks a lot.

Space Ghost: You're a good guy, Sam. Really.

Sam Butera: Really?

Space Ghost: You're a really nice guy. Actually, I'm a really nasty guy. You wouldn't want to mess with me. Now, would you guys please, please?

Sam Butera: (still juggling knives) Yeah.

Space Ghost: Would you guys please?

Zorak: (listening)

Sam Butera: (now holding a musical harmony sheet) Inspired by Walt Disney, this is a film score for television.

Space Ghost: (listening) What a great idea! We'll watch this to see if it's working.

Moltar: (still juggling knives) Hey, uh, you know, you're a good guy, but...

Space Ghost: Whoa! I'm a killer! Killer Space Ghost!

(Cut to background for credits, with "Producer" stamp)

Space Ghost: André the Giant Slayer, born in 1892, grew up thinking he was a superhero, fighting crime while his parents watched. When he was ten, he started dressing up as a girl to fight crime. His parents were horrified, and when he was eleven they took him away. His parents cried, and when he was twelve they threw him into a river and drowned him. His older sister, the mother, and younger sister all drowned too. When he was fourteen, they took him back. His mother cried again, and when he was fifteen they took him back again. His sister cried again, and when he was sixteen they took him back again.

Zorak: So, what's your thing?

Space Ghost: I don't know! What's wrong with you?

Zorak: Your'e a big jerk!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, you can't be too careful what dealing with those things. Especially when they're bent on making you feel bad! (evil laugh)

Zorak: Hey, now you're tellin' me! (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: You know, Zorak, sometimes I just can't help myself! (evil laugh) Like when I'm feeling sad and stuff and I want to feel better! (evil laugh)

Zorak: Yeah, well, that's why I'm here! So that I could
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and physician Neal Brennan. Nobody special, but they're all very well known in the medical community. Zorak, play something funky and bring out the candles.

Zorak: (starts playing Da Vinci Code)

Dr. Maxcy Nolan: (in cutesy voice) Zorak, play the big hit song!

Zorak: (plays "Hit the Lights" by Jay Hawkins, with accompanying text:)

"It's bright and shiny,
And when you least expect it,
Will you grant me a favor?

Dr. Maxcy Nolan: (exhales)

Zorak: (starts playing "Happy Birthday" song)

Dr. Maxcy Nolan: (in cutesy voice) Happy birthday, beautiful child of the year 2000, rocket science major Taylor Hanson! Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, who chose me to represent you at your peril! It's a great honor, thank you!

Space Ghost: Zorak! What's that mean?

Zorak: That's not my booger!

Space Ghost: (blasts him) (laughs)

Zorak: (coughs)

Space Ghost: What's that mean?

Zorak: That's not my booger!

Space Ghost: Oh, I was just gonna say that!

Zorak: That's not my booger!

Space Ghost: Well, that's what I meant. That's what I ought to say!

Zorak: That's not my booger!

Space Ghost: You're just as good as me!

Zorak: Cough!

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

William Shakespeare: Truth itself is nothing;

Zorak: Cough!

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

William Shakespeare: Truth itself is nothing;

Space Ghost: That's what I said!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

William Shakespeare: Truth itself is nothing;

Space Ghost: That's what I said!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

William Shakespeare: Truth itself is nothing;

Space Ghost: That's what I said!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

William Shakespeare: Truth itself is nothing;

Space Ghost: That's what I said!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

Zorak: (laying on floor) (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

William Shakespeare: Truth itself is nothing;

Space Ghost: That's what I said!

Zorak: Cough! (coughs)

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

(Space Ghost ascends from ceiling)

Zorak: You're as good as me!

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

(Space Ghost continues ascribing himself to Zorak)

Zorak: You're as good as me!

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

Zorak: You're as good as me!

Space Ghost: You're as good as me!

(In control room, Moltar and Zorak are smoking joints and drinking beers. The room is filled with smoke. Space Ghost stands up holding a blunt.)

Space Ghost: Hey, what are you smoking?

Moltar: Well, we're gonna have to deal with that.

Zorak: Chemtrails?

Space Ghost: Yep, we're going to have to deal with that. Can you straighten up?

Zorak: I need a five minute break.

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: Thank you
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: Let's do some readin'!

Moltar: Okay, here we go.

Zorak: "Dear Space Ghost, I love your show. What do you feed Zorak? He doesn't eat people, does he?"

Moltar: "Yes, he does eat people."

Zorak: "Eat him some food, you silly freak! Here's another letter. Signed Michael Angelo. Tulsa, Oklahoma."

Space Ghost: "Dear Space Ghost, I watch your show all the time. I really like your show. Do you host or do you watch the show?"

Michael Angelo: "Yes, I do."

Space Ghost: "I know you're a hunk. But I got a tattoo. What is it of, and where is it?"

Michael Angelo: "This is it, I've got it, you don't need to worry about it. Don't get me mixed up with your show, OK?"

Space Ghost: Mixed up with your show? What is it?

Zorak: I don't know.

Space Ghost: Well, it's got a "come on" button, and a "get out" button.

Zorak: Hey, buddy!

Space Ghost: I- I- I don't know. Where's the "come on" button?

Zorak: It's in the bottom right.

Space Ghost: What is that?

Zorak: It's a trap!

Space Ghost: Oh, thanks.

Zorak: Okay, dial it back.

Space Ghost: There's no "backup" button.

Zorak: There's no "backup" button.

Space Ghost: There's no "backup" button.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You haven't got a ghost of a chance, punk!

Zorak: (reading letter) "Dear Space Ghost, I watch your show every day. I really like your show. Give us a shout!"

Space Ghost: Whoop de do.

Zorak: "Shall we sing a little song?"

Space Ghost: (stops singing) "Yes!"

Zorak: "Why don't you sing?"

Space Ghost: (singing) With what? We've got a song for you: "Rocket Man!" (stops singing) B-a-a-a-a, whaddaya gonna sing, huh?

Zorak: Uh, I think it's "Yes!"

Space Ghost: (stops singing) What was that?

Zorak: Well, we're gonna sing a song about not just Space Ghost, but all the little people who are suffering and need help. And you're gonna have to do a pretty good job of it, 'cause nobody's gonna sing!

Michael Angelo: Yeah, uh, Space Ghost, thank you very much for callin' me. (coughs)

Space Ghost: Michael Angelo, everybody. It's great to have you here. So, who do you fight, Zorak?

Zorak: I fight evil, and good stuff too.

Space Ghost: Really.

Zorak: Yeah, and sometimes I like to eat some of it.

Space Ghost: Really. Zorak, did you ever eat one of my Cheerios?

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay then.

Zorak: (beat) I didn't think you had any.

Space Ghost: You didn't think I had any, did you?

Zorak: Well, did you?

Space Ghost: Did you, Michael?

Michael Angelo: (on control room monitor) Ah, Space Ghost. Hello!

Space Ghost: Yes, hello.

Michael Angelo: Hello, I'm, I'm Michael Angelo. Up with the band, right?

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, get us into trouble.

Space Ghost: Don't worry, we're under no circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we under any circumstances are we?

Zorak: Yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You're always sittin' behind that desk, aren't you, Zorak?

Zorak
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, hand me that fork.

Moltar: There's no need to fork, Space Ghost. The food of love is what I'll eat. (hands Zorak's fork to Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Uh, thank you. So, Mike Judge, musician, Icebreaker, you have any advice for me?

Mike Judge: Always introduce yourself to the guests before the show. That way, you know, they'll know who's hostin' it.

Space Ghost: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so, Mike...

Mike Judge: Make yourself at home.

Space Ghost: I am not home anymore.

Mike Judge: That's fine, you're welcome. Uh, but Space Ghost, you've been making me nervous. Like really nervous.

Space Ghost: Really?

Mike Judge: Yes, Space Ghost, I'm nervous.

Space Ghost: Really?

Mike Judge: Yes, Space Ghost, and not just because you're the Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Oh.

Mike Judge: (chuckles) Naughty-nice.

Space Ghost: Naughty-nice!

Mike Judge: Naughty-nice! (chuckles) Naughty-nice! (chuckles) Naughty-nice!

Space Ghost: I didn't say anything!

Mike Judge: (chuckles) Naughty-nice!

Space Ghost: Oh, really?

Mike Judge: Yes, Space Ghost, (laughs) you're a good guy, man.

Space Ghost: What?

Mike Judge: You are a fun guy.

Space Ghost: What, man?

Mike Judge: Yeah, I'm a fun guy.

Space Ghost: What, man?

Mike Judge: Yeah, I'm a fun guy.

Space Ghost: What, man?

Mike Judge: Yeah, I'm a fun guy.

Space Ghost: Yadda yadda, Mike...

Mike Judge: (chuckles) Naughty-nice!

Space Ghost: What, man?

Mike Judge: Okay, thank you. Naughty-nice! (chuckles)

Space Ghost: What?

Mike Judge: You're a fun guy, Space Ghost, and thanks for the interview.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I was wanna ask you something.

Mike Judge: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And, just who is your favorite Star Wars character?

Mike Judge: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Now, don't tell me you're a big Carrie Fisher fan.

Mike Judge: (laughs) You are a big Carrie Fisher fan, aren't you?

Space Ghost: Uh, yeah, she was.

Mike Judge: (laughs) You are a big Carrie Fisher fan, aren't you?

Space Ghost: Yeah, she was.

Mike Judge: (laughs) You are a big Carrie Fisher fan, aren't you?

Space Ghost: (laughs) Yeah, and you are a big fan, it's a good feeling.

Mike Judge: (laughs) You know, it's a privilege to be asked by a Star Wars fan like you to talk to them. It's like they're part of your family.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Yeah, they're big fans too.

Mike Judge: (laughs) Yeah, they're close to me, I run a small radio station with them.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Well, thanks for being with us, Mike. (waves) Bye-bye, Mike.

Mike Judge: Thank you, thank you for having me. (waves back) Bye-bye, family.

Space Ghost: Now, when I was little, my Mom used to turn off the radio and turn it on in the middle of the night, just to scare me.

Mike Judge: (laughs) When I was little, my Mom used to turn it up so loud that I could hear the moonlight through the crack in the ceiling.

Space Ghost: Wow.

Mike Judge: It was that loud that night I saw the moon rise up behind me, and then crash down behind me, killing me. That's when I turned the radio back on.

Space Ghost: Well, thanks for being with us, Mike. (waves) You're good.

Mike Judge: Thank you, no problem.

Space Ghost: You're welcome. Now, when I was little, my Mom used to
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, I can't believe this. It's slapstick as hell and nowhere near as funny as Brak. And still nobody's laughing!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Welcome to the big show! On tonight's program, we have Brak, Yo-Yo Ma, and Brak's father, discussing their son's death, wife beatings, and chocolate chip cookies.

Zorak: (in the control room) Yo-Yo!

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Hello! And behold, for I am the Space Ghost. King of space and all that it contains.

Zorak: Uh, I'm the Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: You are not the Space Ghost!

Zorak: Uh, I am.

Space Ghost: You were the Space Ghost!

Zorak: In my house!

Space Ghost: You were the Space Ghost!

Zorak: In the house!

Space Ghost: No, no, we were the Space Ghosts!

Zorak: In the house!

Space Ghost: In the house!

Zorak: (coughs) I was crying!

Space Ghost: (sobbing) I was so mad! I was going to kill Brak!

Zorak: What?!

Space Ghost: He was trying to kill you!

Zorak: Well, I didn't want to!

Space Ghost: Then I will have to kill you!

Zorak: C'mon, Space Ghost! You're mad!

Space Ghost: You're not mad! Just calm down!

Zorak: Calm down!

Space Ghost: You didn't have any lines today!

Zorak: Yeah! Don't take it out on Brak, just because he's old-fashioned!

Space Ghost: You didn't have any lines today, did you?

Zorak: Oh, well, that's not very nice.

Space Ghost: You weren't in any lines today!

Zorak: So, what are your old fashioned ways?

Space Ghost: Oh, forget it!

Zorak: I didn't even see you in the old "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" movie!

Space Ghost: That's what she's like! Dry and simple-minded, she is!

Zorak: Yeah, you are!

Space Ghost: She's not that great!

Zorak: You don't know her!

Space Ghost: She's a lovable rogue!

Zorak: Well, she's not that great!

Space Ghost: Oh, well, that's just fine! Whatever!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost:

(blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Space Ghost: You stink!

Brak: You should slap yourself!

Zorak: ... slap yourself!

Brak: You should slap yourself!

Zorak: ... slap yourself!

Space Ghost: This letter's from Judy Garland, Washington DC. And it's for me!

Zorak: Now, Judy, tell me something.

Judy Garland: Well, I'm a cartoon superhero, and I'm a cartoon superheroine, and I'm a cartoon superheroine Judy. Okay?

Space Ghost: Yep, we'll do that. Later, not!

Zorak: Now, Judy, I'm a cartoon superheroine, and I'm a cartoon superheroine, and I'm a cartoon superheroine.

Space Ghost: Yep, we'll do that. Later, not!

Zorak: Now, Judy, I'm a cartoon superheroine and I'm a cartoon superheroine, and I'm a cartoon superheroine Judy.

Space Ghost: Yep, we'll do that. Later, not!

Zorak: Now, Judy, I'm a cartoon superheroine and I'm a cartoon superheroine, and I'm a cartoon superheroine Judy.

Space Ghost: Yep, we'll do that. Later, not!

Zorak: Now, Judy, I'm a cartoon superheroine and I'm a cartoon superheroine, and I'm a cartoon superheroine Judy.

Space Ghost: Yep, we'll
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well hello there, this is Tansut. Welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in there! (band intro plays)

Bob Odenkirk: (invisos in) I'm sorry, what's happening right now?

David Cross: (in the studio) Hi, I'm David Cross.

Bob Odenkirk: Where are you?

David Cross: I'm here for you, to tell the truth, I was there as a guest.

Bob Odenkirk: Oh.

David Cross: And, so, you were wondering why there was this giant UFO flying around in the Phantom Cruiser.

Space Ghost: (laughs)

Zorak: Yeah!

Moltar: Yeah!

Space Ghost: I was so excited!

Zorak: You were a big jerk!

Space Ghost: Yeah, I was.

Zorak: Blah, blah, blah. Now, come on! Let's go to the Phantom Cruiser!

Space Ghost: (flies off)

Zorak: And, we'll ride shotgun like Superman and Batman to the rescue.

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings, this is Tansut. Welcome to Coast to Coast. This is where it all happened. The Ghost Planet was born, and the heroes of old met their unfortunate demise at the hands of the wicked Batman. Amidst the chaos and terror, a shining princess was snatched from us forever. Our heroes paid the ultimate sacrifice to save their dying world, and my good friend, the great Zorak, was forced to watch them die. My good friend, the great David Cross and their little dog Tiny Tim. And, beside them, Moltar. And that mysterious Brak. Who was that mysterious Brak? Well, it turns out he's been reborn twice before, to fight the good fight, and kill the bad guy. Or was it just a trick? The good guy was a CIA agent named Mark McEwen, and the evil guy was a maniacal clone of Batman...

Space Ghost: (back in his body) Hello!

Zorak: So, what's this "c" thing do?

Space Ghost: Nothing, just another ploy by the evil to get me to betray them again!

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: Well, here's the plan. I'll hypnotize Brak into thinking he's got a remote and we'll begin the movie there. But this time, when I'm done, he'll be back in his body! And that's where we'll head to the Phantom Cruiser to pick up the slack.

Zorak: No, no, we'll stage an emergency landing here, and then we'll crash here so I can re-energize him.

Space Ghost: That worked for me the first time, but the second time I crashed on the way here, he got out of the cruiser alive! So now, who wants new slacks?

Zorak: I don't wear pants, and I don't know anyone who does!

Space Ghost: Well, maybe you'll meet some resistance when you get there.

Zorak: Uh, no.

Space Ghost: Well, there's always the chance that they'll think that I'm crazy! So don't you go fight that alien at the Cube Shop!

Zorak: Yeah, I'll fight 'em. I'll fight 'em right, and you can't win.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay.

Zorak: Daddy!

Space Ghost: Moltar!

Moltar: Uh, sorry.

Space Ghost: You didn't use your power bands on him, did you?

Moltar: Uh, yeah, sure I would. Why don't you try wearing a rubber suit?

Space Ghost: No thank you.

Zorak: What's the matter with your voice?

Moltar: Uh, voice, uh, I gotta go. Pick up the kids. Who are, nnnot in Nevada.

Zorak: Aren't there usually guardians at these events?

Moltar: I'm in the middle of my, uh, I'm going to Cordell Smith. Got to pick up the kids. Who are, not in Nevada.

Zorak: Oh. (waits expectantly) And you're in the middle of your stupid show. What are you doing?

Molt
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well hello there, and hello there, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh, yeah, kind of a goofy looking thing.

Zorak: Yeah, well, I'm not really a joke.

Moltar: (laughing) What are you laughing at?

Zorak: Uh, jokes!

Space Ghost: You're laughing at me! (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) I was just kidding.

Space Ghost: Well, what are you laughing at?

Zorak: I was just kidding!

Space Ghost: Wasn't kidding! My dog Poppy!

Zorak: Is he crazy?

Space Ghost: C'mon, tell us!

Zorak: Crazy?

Space Ghost: Yup.

Zorak: Yup!

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think?

Zorak: I think you're very funny!

Space Ghost: You think I'm funny?!

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

Zorak: I'm which is which! (dramatic sting music)

Audience: (applause)

Chad Ghostal: Thank you! (lights return) So, Poppy, would you like to come home with us?

Audience: (applause)

Poppy: I'd love to come home with you, but I have a question now. If I could, I would, but I have a question now. If I could, would you please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

Chad Ghostal: Poppy, my dog DOG!

Poppy: Yeah, I was wondering if that was a thing.

Chad Ghostal: Well, let me tell you what, Poppy. I love you so much, I'm not even surprised at your surprise.

Poppy: Actually, I was surprised at your surprise. (laughs)

Chad Ghostal: Really?

Poppy: Yes!

Chad Ghostal: (laughs) That's what I was expecting.

Zorak: Yeah!

Chad Ghostal: I was also surprised at your surprise. (laughs)

Zorak: Yeah!

Chad Ghostal: Were you expecting me to say something funny?

Poppy: Something funny!

Chad Ghostal: Actually, I was. (laughs)

Poppy: (laughing) No one cares what you say, Chad. We care about you.

Chad Ghostal: Yes! Chad Ghostal! We're a team now, baby. We care about you, baby.

Chad Ghostal: That's nice, but I'm a team now, too! (sticks tongue out at Poppy; she rebuffs him)

Zorak: Hey, Chad!

Chad Ghostal: What?

Zorak: You know what, Poppy. I'm a team now. I'm a team!

Chad Ghostal: (laughs) Exactly!

POppy: (laughs) No team!

Chad Ghostal: So, Chad, would you like to come home with us?

Chad Ghostal: Yeah, whatever.

POppy: (laughs) I thought you were leaving.

Chad Ghostal: Well, I'm really leaving.

POppy: That's fine, you can stay. We'll be right back. (sips water)

Chad Ghostal
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have departments where they should be working, right? That's right, right! And now, the delight of the gods, Zorak! Show us your delicious patties!

Zorak: (blasts Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (coughs)

Tansut: Steve...

Steve Arnold: Hello.

Zorak: Welcome to the real world!

Steve Arnold: Hello, I'm sorry to hear...

Zorak: What's going on with you, Space Ghost? What've you been doing?

Space Ghost: Oh, the usual, ten to life.

Steve Arnold: You're kidding!

Zorak: Yeah, I saw you with that chick yesterday.

Steve Arnold: Oh, okay.

Zorak: And yesterday I gave that chick a big blow.

Space Ghost: (drum beat & disco music begins in background) And yesterday I gave that chick a big blow! That's right, you dumb jock! (music stops)

Zorak: THAT'S not how I filmed!

Space Ghost: Not the tape! (invisos to control room) What's going on in here?

Moltar: Uh, were you trying to erase history?

Space Ghost: No, history has been erased! This is the most amazing thing! You are an intelligent being! Magnificent! You have been nothing but evil! Love and light! From without!

Zorak: Sinister being? Why, yes he is. (evil laugh; he casts a wicked smile)

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) Don't (blow) me!

Space Ghost: We're good, Mike. We know each other.

Mike Judge: You're so nice.

Space Ghost: I like you, Mike.

Mike Judge: I like you, too.

Zorak: Oh, Mike, you're a big man!

Space Ghost: (blasts Mike)

Mike Judge: (looks shocked)

Space Ghost: Now, if you like, I can give you a lift home. (blasts Mike again)

Mike Judge: (looks shocked)

Space Ghost: This is unbelievable! This could save your life!

Mike Judge: Well, thank you.

Space Ghost: Thank you, Mike. And there's one more thing I'd like to ask you.

Mike Judge: I'm sorry?

Space Ghost: Why are you on this show?

Mike Judge: Oh...

Space Ghost: Why are you on this show?

Mike Judge: I'm, I'm on this show because I believe in the message. And the message is very simple, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: You believe in the message? I do? Well, come on, lay it down.

Mike Judge: Ah.

Space Ghost: There's one more thing I want to ask you.

Mike Judge: Ah.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Yes.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Yes.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Yes.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a Presbyterian, right?

Mike Judge: Right.

Space Ghost: You're a good Presbyterian. Do you know anything about the Bible?

Zorak: The Bible?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: There's a bunch of verses that contradict each other.

Space Ghost:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and hello there, folks. This is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in there! (band intro plays)

Zorak: Hey, shut up!

Moltar: There's nothing in your background!

Zorak: Shut up!

Moltar: Okay, there's nothing in your background, thank you.

Zorak: Thank you, thank you, Moltar. I didn't see you there!

Moltar: (laughing) No, you didn't. (laughs) I, I was just there!

Zorak: Heh! Fool!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, and I'm tickled pink to be here! Zorak, play something funky, will ya?

Zorak: (no, not that funky) What?

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Okay then! (invisos to desk again) What?

Zorak: (no, not that funky) What?

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk again) Ah! What!

Zorak: (no, not that funky) What?

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk again) There!

Zorak: (yes, very funky) What?

Space Ghost: (pauses, then nods) Yes!

Zorak: (pretending to think Space Ghost is talking to David in control room) Hello!

David Cross: Hi there.

Zorak: Who are you?

David Cross: I'm Dwayne Johnson.

Zorak: Oh.

Space Ghost: Excuse me, son, why would I want to know who you are?

David Cross: Um...

Space Ghost: You're all black, aren't you?

David Cross: Yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: And you're all dressed in black, aren't you?

David Cross: Uh, no.

Space Ghost: I saw you in a movie once, you know what I was wearing.

David Cross: Oh, I'm sorry.

Space Ghost: Oh, I'm not wearing black, are you?

David Cross: No.

Space Ghost: Well, what are you wearing?

David Cross: I, well, I don't know. You know what I was wearing?

Space Ghost: What?

David Cross: What?

Space Ghost: I said, you're all black, and you're dressed in black. That's a compliment.

David Cross: You're not wearing black!

Space Ghost: I didn't say anything! I didn't know if you knew that. I didn't know if you knew that.

Zorak: (laughing)

Moltar: (serious) I know that. (serious)

Space Ghost: (as he speaks) You're wearing black, and I know that.

Zorak: (laughing)

Moltar: (serious)

Space Ghost: (winks) I know that!

Zorak: (laughing)

Moltar: (serious)

Space Ghost: I know that!

Zorak: (laughing)

Moltar: (serious)

Space Ghost: I know that!

Zorak: (laughing)

Moltar: (serious)

Space Ghost: (laughs)

Zorak: (laughing)

(Black screen with legend in lower left corner:)

Friday
11:04 p.m.

Steven Wright: (on control room monitor) Uh, you got a lot of explaining to do.

Space Ghost: Well, (Steven Wright) I'm not entirely sure what I'm talking about.

Steven Wright: (on monitor) Uh... about what?

Space Ghost: Uh... your wife.

Steven Wright: (on monitor) Yeah.

Space Ghost: (laughs) Well, that's just what I was gonna ask. What's her name?

Steven Wright: (on monitor) Shaheen.

Space Ghost: Wow. An interesting name.

Moltar: Interesting. Eh, interesting. Interesting. Whaddaya think?

Space Ghost: Exc
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) How does it feel?

Zorak: (with big Zorak eyes) I must be beautiful.

Space Ghost: Hmm.

Zorak: Crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D, crooners!

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Zorak: (continues staring)

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: Don't look at me.

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: I don't like this.

Space Ghost: What's wrong?

Zorak: Get off my back!

Space Ghost: Okay. And get off my back it will. Because I love you so much...

Zorak: Love you unconditionally...

Space Ghost: Love is never easy. Only with each other can we truly love each other. And now, with this Christmas, join me in my love for you.

Zorak: (stands up, spits out the chocolate)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) What was that?

Zorak: What?

Space
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, just Beck. The producers have me on their show tonight, so there you go, y'know, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are Grizzly, Reno, and Basshunter. And special surprise guest, Ice and Tower, as they introduce me.

Tower: (appears on monitor, from left to right; from right to left, he also appears as Grizzly, Ice, and Moltar)

Moltar: He's the Grizzly, Ice.

Zorak: He's the Ice, Zorak.

Space Ghost: Welcome to the show, Ice and Tower!

Ice: And, welcome to the show, Dr. Nightmare!

Dr. Nightmare: I'm Space Ghost, welcome to the big show!

Space Ghost: (lowers from ceiling on monitor) It's great to be here, Ice, it's great to be here, Dr. Nightmare! But where is your face?!

Ice: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (presses button, but no ray, just a clunking sound) Well, that's that, they can't hear ya! They can't hear a thing! (flies off)

Moltar: You were warned.

Beck: (laughs) Yeah, well, that's, that's what I was gonna say, I guess.

Zorak: So, what's your real name?

Space Ghost: Zorak.

Beck: Yeah. Um...

Moltar: Willie.

Beck: Yeah, I guess that's what you were gonna say.

Zorak: Hey, Willie, Zorak.

Willie Nelson: (laughs)

Moltar: Space Ghost, look! You've become a star! Congratulations!

Space Ghost: I'm a little confused, here. (dramatic sting music)

Beck: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: (laughs) That's... that's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: (laughs) That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: (laughs) That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: (laughs) That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: (laughs) That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (flies back to desk)

Beck: That's very kind of you.

Space Ghost: (
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (lowers on his chair) No!

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: No!

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: No!

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: No!

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: No!

Zorak: We don't need no stinkin' stinky computer!

Space Ghost: (hurriedly) And, we're not in the habit of using the Internet!

Moltar: (throws lever, Kevin Smith appears on monitor)

Kevin Smith: Well, I'm Space Ghost, and I'm here to help you with your situation.

Space Ghost: Moltar, you've destroyed the illusion of privacy. Now I'm going to order one of my "Stick Stick" cures.

Kevin Smith: "Stick Stick" cure? What's that mean?

Moltar: Uh, "Stick Stick" cure.

Kevin Smith: You mean make everyone laugh.

Space Ghost: (beat) Yeah. Make everybody laugh.

Kevin Smith: (laughing) Yeah!

Space Ghost: Now, Chuck, tell me everything you've been doing lately.

Chuck D: I've been recording...

Space Ghost: Okay.

Chuck D: ... for my new album.

Space Ghost: Okay.

Chuck D: It's been quite a ride.

Space Ghost: Chuck, thank you very much for stopping by.

Chuck D: Thank you, thank you. It's been a whirlwind.

Space Ghost: (beat) Well, thank you, Chuck. It's been quite a ride.

Chuck D: Well, I've been slowed down a little bit.

Space Ghost: Uh, because I've been so impressed by your creativity.

Chuck D: Yeah, well...

Space Ghost: Now, be a professional. Be entertaining. Say something witty. Say something witty.

Chuck D: I've been very good...

Space Ghost: You've been very good. You've been very good.

Chuck D: I've been very good. I've been doing a lot of comedy.

Space Ghost: You've been doing a lot of comedy.

Chuck D: (beat) Yeah, well...

Space Ghost: Now, get off my back.

Chuck D: Ahhh, what's that?

Space Ghost: What's that?

Chuck D: You've been very good. I've been watching you. You're not that funny, are you?

Space Ghost: Hey, really?

Chuck D: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Really?

Chuck D: Yeah.

Space Ghost: So, Chuck, you think I should be a professional?

Chuck D: Uh, yeah.

Space Ghost: And what would that entail?

Chuck D: You've been very good, and I've had a blast.

Space Ghost: Oh, I have.

Chuck D: I've had a blast...

Space Ghost: So, you think I should be a professional.

Chuck D: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And what would that entail?

Chuck D: You've been very good, and I've had a blast.

Space Ghost: Chuck...

Chuck D: I've had a blast, I've had a blast.

Space Ghost: So, you think I should be a professional.

Chuck D: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And what would that entail?

Chuck D: You've been very good, and I've had a blast.

Space Ghost: Chuck...

Chuck D: Yeah.

Space Ghost: So, you think I should be a professional.

Chuck D: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And what would that entail?

Chuck D
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (looks at Zorak) What's he doin' here?

Zorak: Oh... He's just prayin'.

Space Ghost: (looks at Zorak) Has he ever gone outside his cocoon?

Zorak: No.

Space Ghost: Then how did you get your job?

Zorak: Work for Space Ghost, eh?

Space Ghost: Correct!

Zorak: And you're a cop! I'm a cop!

Space Ghost: (looks at Zorak) Do you believe that?

Zorak: No!

Space Ghost: (starts to cry) What can I do for ya?

Zorak: You can't make me cry!

Space Ghost: Pat tells me that if I shut up I'll get a Star Wars prescription. (hands over his face)

Zorak: Okay! (bloonk bloonk)

Space Ghost: Thank you, Pat. We'll look forward to seeing you at the Ghost Planet. (bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk bloonk
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh, no thank you.

Zorak: Here's a message from you! (sticks his tongue out at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (to Zorak) What's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Thank you, Zorak. And from all of us here, to all of you, it's this: we love you, man! We really, really love you!

William Shatner: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Yes, William Shatner. And from all of us here, to all of you, it's this: we're glad you're here.

William Shatner: (laughs) Um...

Space Ghost: ... we're glad you're here.

William Shatner: Actually, uh...

Moltar: Uh, Space Ghost, uh, you are a little strange.

William Shatner: (laughs) Mmm...

Space Ghost: You are a little strange.

William Shatner: Yeah, I was just thinking of that, and the old episodes, and how they were rewatched, and all the terrible things that had happened...

Moltar: And yet, you were praised. You were lauded.

William Shatner: Yeah, and yet, there you were, the guy who had all the hard work and the fame, yet you, the guy who had all the...

Space Ghost: No! I did all the work! (flies off)

William Shatner: Work together, uh, (laughs)

Moltar: You were the one who wrote the episode!

Zorak: Yeah, you were the one who wrote the episode!

Space Ghost: Yes, well, here's a letter from Ian Katz, Toronto, Canada. (invisos to desk) Dear Space Ghost, how are you? How are your pants? Also, how much money?

Zorak: Eh, I don't know. Are you richer than Brak?

Space Ghost: Well, how would you know? I, I just flew in from Brak's ...

Zorak: Heh! Lakwit!

Space Ghost: Ohhh! Spaaaace Ghoooost!

William Shatner: I'm rich!

(In control room, a blonde youth calls in, waves)

Lokar: Hello!

Lokar: Sit down!

Brak: Hey, Suda!

Lokar: Did you get a letter?

Brak: Yeah, man. I, I zapped it.

Space Ghost: Blah, blah, bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...

Zorak: Space Ghost, give me a letter.

Space Ghost: You know, Zorak, there's one for you here. "Dear Zorak, take a hike. Your Dad's still jamming on that Space Ghost show. Zap Zorak, he's got a new trick up his sleeve. Zap Zorak!"

Zorak: Space Ghost, what's that mean?

Space Ghost: It means "Up your butt!"

Zorak: But what if I want a letter from Mr. Ghost?

Space Ghost: You got that straight, son. "Up your butt" is a good ad line. What do you say, Bob?

Bob Costas: Ah... well, I got a couple of letters for you. "Dear Bob, I wish I had a letter from Space Ghost. He is the best. Space Ghost is a movie buff." And this one... "Dear Space Ghost, my buddy
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right there. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, welcome singer Jack Logan!

Jack Logan: (voiceover) I am Jack Logan, and I am, I'm really a James Logan, uh, singer.

Tansut: And, I'm Tansut, and... stormy opening monolog! (invisos to desk) This is a 30-minute show, and, uh, I, I wanted, I wanted to introduce you guys right at the start, so, you know, don't they at least get a little bit of credit for that?

Jack Logan: (laughs)

Tansut: And, so, yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna introduce ya all right, and, uh, get ready, because this is a special space Ghost Coast to Coast show, that I'm revealing today.

Jack Logan: (laughs)

Tansut: And, I want to introduce you guys right at the start, so, get ready, because this is a special space Ghost Coast to Coast show, that I'm revealing today.

Zorak: We've got a special "Space Ghost" song for ya! (dances into view)

Jack Logan: (laughs)

Tansut: (invisos to desk) Zorak, introduce yourself.

Zorak: "I am Zorak, and I am Patrick Knoth, of the animated comedy show "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". On tonight's show, we have featured appearances by such luminaries as Mr. Pat Boone, Mrs. Pat Boone, and Mr. Chuck D. We also have hard rock musical guest "Space Ghost". Is it a close match? Well, let's see it!"

Tansut: It's a close match, but not by much! Close, but not by much!

Space Ghost: Not by much!

Zorak: Close but not by much! (dances into view)

Space Ghost: Not by much!

Tansut: (lowers on elevator platform)

Space Ghost: What? Did I do something wrong?

Zorak: Moltar!

Moltar: Hey, uh, sorry. (throws lever, sends Zorak away)

Space Ghost: Not Zorak!

Moltar: You're messing with my head!

Zorak: I'm back!

Space Ghost: Not Zorak!

Moltar: Sorry. I, I didn't mean, I, I shouldn't have..

Zorak: I'm sorry, man. I, I was lost for words.

Space Ghost: Not Zorak!

Moltar: What, you got another one?

Space Ghost: (looking at his blue card) What, are you lost for words? Go get lost for words, huh? Then you'll have to have one with James Corden.

James Corden: Sorry. Hi.

Space Ghost: You're back, huh?

James Corden: Sorry.

Space Ghost: James... Corden?

James Corden: Oh, yeah. Hi.

Space Ghost: You're back, thanks for comin' by. Catch you on the flip side.

James Corden: (laughs) No problem.

Space Ghost: You're back too, thanks for comin' by. See you on the flip side.

James Corden: You're welcome.

Zorak: James, you're on the Cartoon Network NOW. Cartoon Network. Cartoon Network. You're on the Cartoon Network NOW.

James Corden: (laughs) Cartoon network, huh?

Zorak: And Cartoon Planet, you're on the Cartoon Network NOW.

Space Ghost: Zorak!

Zorak: I'm on the Cartoon Network NOW!

Space Ghost: (straps down from ceiling) Cartoon network, you are on the Cartoon Network NOW!

Zorak: (sniffs) Oh, brother.

Space Ghost: (airplanes back to his desk) Cartoon network, you are on the Cartoon Network NOW!

Zorak: What.

Space Ghost: You're a blockhead.

Zorak: Well, I'm a brick.

Space Ghost:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (silence) What are you talkin' about?

Zorak: Only the comfort and affordability of Dr. Kwazar's Industrial Ointment.

Space Ghost: Ointment?

Zorak: Industrial ointment!

Space Ghost: (stares)

Zorak: It's good.

Moltar: Hey, Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: What, is it?

Moltar: Yes, it's good.

Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: What are you saying?!

Moltar: Hang on, he's laughing.

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: What?

(Pause)

Moltar: After the show.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost, what's so funny?

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: Hey, why are you laughing?

Space Ghost: (laughing) I'm not laughing.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: Hey, why are you laughing?

Space Ghost: (laughing) I'm not laughing!

Zorak: (blinks and stares)

Space Ghost: (talking to Pat) Tell me, Pat, about your contract.

Pat Boone: Well, you know, we get nominated, you know, for stuff like this, and then, you know, the ratings go down.

Space Ghost: Uh, and down like this?

Pat Boone: Uh, down six percent, and then up six percent.

Space Ghost: And up six percent! That's pretty good!

Pat Boone: I am very pleased. I know, I know, you guys were looking for that kind of a thing.

Space Ghost: Yeah! We'll look forward to it. (to Zorak) And look forward to the ratings. (laughs)

Zorak: And the ratings! (laughs)

Space Ghost: Now with that in mind... Pat, uh, what's your contract?

Pat Boone: Well, you know, I usually have somebody over to my house to discuss things, uh, with the, uh, producers.

Space Ghost: Ohhh!

Pat Boone: But, uh, this was different.

Space Ghost: I asked the guy, and he said there was this whole other thing going on.

Pat Boone: You just don't know how to work with this guy.

Space Ghost: How do I know this guy? Well, he's my friend. And I'm sure he's very nice. But this is some kind of prank.

Pat Boone: I know you're nice. I'm, I'm very nice.

Space Ghost: And you are! You're super nice! But you're not gonna mess with my man! (bounds back to his desk) 'Cause I don't have a man.

Pat Boone: I have a lady, though.

Space Ghost: Oh, I see.

Pat Boone: She's very nice.

Space Ghost: I like her. I like the way she looks. I like the way she talks.

Pat Boone: Yeah.

Space Ghost: You think a woman like that would suit you.

Pat Boone: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Very nice.

Pat Boone: Can I speak to you for a moment?

Space Ghost: I suppose so.

Pat Boone: You want to talk to me?

Space Ghost: Oh, yes.

Pat Boone: Can I have a word with you?

Space Ghost: You want to talk to me?

Pat Boone: Um... can I take a little break from the funk?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Pat Boone: Okay.

Space Ghost: So, what's your name?

Pat Boone
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, universe and beyond, I'm Space Ghost, and we're here to help. That's right, kids, it's time for my first guest, Randy Orton. (last word echoes) His name is Randy Orton, and he's a big fella. Mmmm. His name is Randy Orton, Jr. ( echoes last word ) And his mother's maiden name, too. Mmm. (monitor transitions to Randy's mother) Hey, my son, have you heard my story? (kids repeat last word ) She's a sweet and simple girl, my Linda, who died young at home without me and yet was still a sweet and simple girl. (tv intro: ASMR VIDEOTAPE PLAYER)

Randy Orton: (voice-over) So I turned to you, YouTube, and asked for your help. Here's a little about me.

Space Ghost: (voice-over) Do you have a sister?

Randy Orton: (looks to his right) Yeah, I do.

Space Ghost: Did you ever hear my story?

Randy Orton: I heard it, but I don't think anyone would believe it. My name is Randy, remember? The good and the bad, the funny and the not so funny. Join me as I tell my tale of love, and learn a little bit about the universe that we live in. (voice-over) Today's guests are Randy Orton and Lynda Carter.

Space Ghost: Do you have any sisters?

Randy Orton: There's one little girl, though, that I have, actually. She's my sister Judy.

Space Ghost: (laughing) Well, that's certainly an honor. Where did she come from?

Randy Orton: (looks to his left) That's why you are my wife, isn't it?

Space Ghost: Well, that's exactly what I thought. (voice-over) Anyway, back to the show.

Zorak: (voice-over) Hey, you're a comedy writer, right?

Space Ghost: That's right, Zorak. Now, onto my show.

Zorak: (voice-over) Your show is nothing but love and lust.

Space Ghost: And now, the love and lust. (voice-over) My wife is a lovely and simple woman, all the way from Alaska.

Zorak: (laughs) Well, thank you, she's my wife. (starts dancing away from control room monitor)

Space Ghost: Oh, that's just what she wants you to think. (voice-over) And, just like that, the marriage thing fell through.

Zorak: Hey, what's all this talk about my marriage? Well, my wife is a lovely and simple woman, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that she should be called "Judy".

Space Ghost: You know, Randy, you've been playing with the marriage thing before. You were even asked to moderate a sequel to the first one.

Zorak: Just get married?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: Now, you were supposed to tell me if I was getting married.

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: And, you were supposed to tell me if I was actually getting married.

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: And, you were supposed to tell me if I was actually getting married.

Space Ghost: Yep, I'm getting married.

Zorak: Okay, I'm getting married.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: And, we're home free! (flies off)

Moltar: Hey, everybody. Report to the bridge.

Space Ghost: Zorak, report to the bridge.

Zorak: (floats out of control room)

Moltar: How ya doin' over there, buddy?

Space Ghost: (on monitor) Report to the bridge.

Zorak: (floats out of control room)

Moltar: Hey, everybody. Hoo, the bridge is falling down!

Report: Space Ghost!

(Lightning flash)

Zorak: Aaaah!

Space Ghost: Where'd he go? I don't know! Where's him? Take him!

Zorak: AAAA!

Space Ghost: Aaaah!

(Flash ends)

Shots: (from outside control room)

Jerry Springer: I am not in this!

(Credits roll
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

(Opening graphic sequence shifts to studio monitor as opening titles appear)

Space Ghost: (laughs) Joining me tonight is Broadway producer David Lander, and Broadway musical director Howard Hawks. And musical guest, Adam Ybarra. And special surprise guest, Moltar! (monitor lowers with Adam Ybarra)

Zorak: Hey! Where's Zorak?!

Space Ghost: (laughs) Where'd you fool!

Zorak: I thought he was supposed to be my new roommate! (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: Well, he's not your roommate, and he's not your roommate, and I'm not your roommate! He's my brother Elvis! See, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Zorak: Hey, brothers! (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: You're crazy! Here's Elvis too!

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: Now, who's Elvis?

Zorak: Well, somebody who-a-a-a-a-a-a.

Space Ghost: You're crazy! Here's Elvis too!

Zorak: Hey, guys! Get in there and hold onto the theme, okay?

Space Ghost: Alright, guys.

Moltar: Alright, everybody.

Space Ghost: Moltar, reach down my pants and get the bacon, please.

Moltar: The butt!

Space Ghost: Come on!

Moltar: The butt!

Zorak: WHATEVER!

Space Ghost: WHATEVER!

Moltar: Ooooh, don't let go of the laser, that's comin' down!

Zorak: WHATEVER!

Space Ghost: Ooooh, I gotta go recharge the battery.

Zorak: WhateVER!

(In control room, Moltar and Zorak are smoking joints and drinking beers. The room is filled with smoke. Space Ghost is slumped in the chair next to the keyboard pod.)

(Moltar looks at Zorak and says in a calm voice) "I know, I know, we're a long way from here, but I want you to know that I love you, and I'm sorry, and I hope you die happy and well."

Zorak: Don't take that tone!

Moltar: Yeah, you don't want me to take that tone, I don't know what it is I'm saying!

Zorak: Well, it's not very inspiring, you're tellin' me!

Moltar: You're so boring!

Zorak: Yeah, thanks!

Space Ghost: What's he sayin'?

Zorak: Heh, I don't know, that voice, I wanna, I really do that.

Space Ghost: Listen, listen! I can't go on like this, people are going to start wanting me to give them hair.

Zorak: And be a celebrity!

Space Ghost: There's just a lot of...

Zorak: And makeup!

Space Ghost: (sticks his tongue out at Moltar)

Zorak: And hair!

Space Ghost: I hate that stuff! What's so funny? (sticks tongue out at Moltar)

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (sticks tongue out at Zorak)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Hey, where are we? (sticks tongue out at Moltar)

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (sticks tongue out at Zorak)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (sticks tongue out at Moltar)

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (lowers his voice) This is so boring. Why do we always have to fight? What's the fight like?

Zorak: (stares back from the wings)

Space Ghost: You're so naive. You think a laser pistol could even penetrate my flawless skin.

Moltar: Look, look, I know it. It's the secret of my youth.

Space Ghost: It's all so childish.

Zorak: So, you're saying there's no such thing as lasers. Even though we've spent hundreds of years trying to create the best possible laser for us, to you it looks like a dangerous weapon that can only be stopped by a highly skilled laser wearer.

Moltar: Well, it's not a laser, it's
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak) How about a little of my own free will?

Zorak: Oh...

Space Ghost: You foolish man! Do you know what I'm talkin' about?

Zorak: Course I do!

Space Ghost: You want a piece of me?

Zorak: No!

Space Ghost: Then get lost, you worthless creature!

Zorak: Okay! (starts crying)

Space Ghost: (cries)

Zorak: (stares back silently)

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: (silence)

Zorak: (front and center in Ghost Planet shell) I will spin your head off so fast it'll travel back in time!

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Mr. Hidy-hidy-ho! Welcome to Cartoon Planet, home of the mighty Space Ghost.

William Shakespeare: And when my good man is pleased, I am content; when my good man is displeased, I get angry.

Space Ghost: ( invisos to desk ) Mr. Hidy-hidy-ho! This is a vanity project. (laughs)

Zorak: Yeah, whatever.

Space Ghost: ( invisos to desk ) Mr. Hidy-hidy-ho! This is a vanity project! (laughs)

Zorak: Yeah, whatever.

Space Ghost: ( invisos to desk ) Mr. Hidy-hidy-ho! This is a vanity project!

Zorak: Hey, let's get him out here!

Space Ghost: No!

Zorak: How about he go over there and kill him?

Space Ghost: No!

Zorak: Whattya think about that?

Space Ghost: ( silent ) Don't think about anything! It's all gonna be... fine.

Zorak: Fine! ( stabs his head into the fire, then flies off )

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's goin' on in here?

Zorak: ( presses a knife into his forehead , then vanishes. The monitor goes to static )

Space Ghost: What's going on in here? ( invisos to desk )

William Shakespeare: And when the ghost of night hath fallen,

Zorak: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which skitters across the set. The camera changes in sequence: Moltar in the control room; Zorak in the studio; William in the studio; Zorak in the control room; then back to Moltar)

Moltar: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which skitters across the set. The camera changes back to normal )

Zorak: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which skitters across the set. The lighting is suddenly changed to a flash of white light, followed by many more flashes of white light. The control room is filled with smoke. Flames erupt from cracks in the ceiling. Smoke also erupts from broken glass on the floor. Panels of smoke continue to pour out of the control room like lava from a well.

William Shakespeare: And when the ghost of night hath fallen,

Zorak: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which makes a slight vibration. The camera changes back to normal, but now William is on it instead of Space Ghost. He is talking to Zorak in the edit)

William Shakespeare: And when the night hath fallen,
Zorak: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which makes a slight vibration. The camera continues to change, going from Moltar to Zorak, then back to Moltar, then back to William)

Zorak: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which makes a slight vibration. The camera continues to change, going from Moltar to Zorak, then back to Moltar, then back to William)

Moltar: ( presses a knife into his forehead, which makes a slight vibration. The
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, hand over the reins to Jim, and … hand over the reins to Zorak.

Zorak: Okay, but I want to order a drink.

Space Ghost: (surprised) Zorak, please!

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: (in desperation) I order a drink! (confidently) What should I do?

Zorak: I don't know! I'm confused!

Space Ghost: Okay, that's fine. Just don't take it from me.

Zorak: Okay, but-- Wait a minute. What will you pay for my drink?

Space Ghost: You already have a drink! (sighs)

Zorak: Oh, um, none of my money! (laughs)

Space Ghost: (stares in silence)

Zorak: And that's why I'm here. To get money.

Space Ghost: So, you're going to order a drink for me.

Zorak: (pauses) Huh?

Space Ghost: Okay. (sighs)

Zorak: Hey, uh, thank you.

Space Ghost: You're welcome. (drinks from his coffee mug)

Zorak: (stares back silently)

Space Ghost: So, what're your superpowers?

Zorak: Well, you know you can use them to their full extent, and they'll work for you, you mind?

Space Ghost: (stares back silently)

Zorak: Well, you know you can use them to their full extent.

Space Ghost: You know you can use them to my full extent.

Zorak: You know you can use them to my full extent.

Space Ghost: Yes! You can use them to their full extent.

Zorak: You know you can use them to my full extent.

Space Ghost: You know you can use them to my full extent.

Zorak: (asks questions)

Space Ghost: Hey, you guys have any problems?

Moltar: No, 'cause we're problems, not friends. (pause) No, I don't think so. (pause)

Zorak: I, I'm really friendly.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I'm very friendly. But you're supposed to be my friend, aren't you?

Moltar: Yeah.

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: And you're supposed to be my friend by default.

Zorak: That's right!

Space Ghost: You're not my friend! (punches Zorak)

Zorak: What!

Space Ghost: (standing up) By a long shot!

Zorak: What are you doin' now?

Space Ghost: I'm trying to do the Fandango.

Zorak: Where'd you learn to talk like that?

Space Ghost: Downstairs.

Zorak: You're crazy!

Space Ghost: There's no telling where I got to!

Zorak: (pokes his head up) Hey, what's that?

Space Ghost: A fork!

Zorak: So, what's this fork doing here?

Space Ghost: Look, if I was a friend of yours, I'd come hang out with you! (stands up) Right?

Zorak: Wrong!

Space Ghost: Oh well. Then I'll be hanging out with you! (flies off)

Zorak: You fellas don't even play video games! (exhales)

(Action insert: Space Ghost vs. Moltar, with dramatic background music)

Space Ghost: (voice-over) Oh well. Well, that's just what I thought. Hang on, guys.

(Zorak "plays" some more, then suddenly disappears)

Space Ghost: Who played Zorak?

Moltar: (reading a book) I found... with my own two eyes, but I can't remember where.

Space Ghost: Where did he go?

Moltar: Eh, I don't know. I feel pretty sure about that.

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Moltar: Look, if we're really gonna do this, then I gotta
====================
(Opening theme & titles) (invisos in) Greetings, this is Space Ghost, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have something in common. They're both from the outer reaches of space, and they're both furry. That's right, they're both outer space furries. That's right, right. (finally) we got a name for you. (finally) we got a home for you. (finally) we got a nickel for your help.

Zorak: (off camera) Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just be here. (walks out, with fuzz wig & face)

Space Ghost: Welcome, Zorak.

Zorak: What are you?

Space Ghost: Welcome to the big show.

Zorak: You're a big fat ...

Space Ghost: I'm not fat!

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...

Zorak: That's right you are! (growls)

Space Ghost: I'm a big fat ...
====================
(Opening theme & titles) (when opening theme & titles are played) Greetings, you people. I am Bruce Springsteen. If you are interested in a job, or the Boss, or the club, or the girl, or the boogers, or the ice cream cone, or the hot dog eating contest, or the Big Mac eating contest, or the Red Wheel exclusive to STS-80, or the Fonz, or the Moltar, or the Space Ghost, or the Big Board, or the Big Board, or the Cow, or the Chicken or the Bun. Well, this is my show. (singing) It's the longest running late night talk show in the entire universe. And, it's all bullshit.

(Opening theme & titles) (when opening theme & titles are played) Greetings, this is the Space Ghost Coast to Coast show. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they're both hilarious. And speaking of hilarious, the delightful Morgan Freeman.

Zorak: (voice-over) Now with our new nighttime logo, and catchy new song, "Midnight Express", and their trademark goofy faces! "It's the longest running late night talk show in the entire universe!", you say. Well, here's your show, and we're rolling tape it! (laughs)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Morgan, we're ready to welcome you to the big night.

Morgan Freeman: (on monitor, as it lowers) I am Morgan Freeman.

Space Ghost: Morgan Freeman, welcome to the big show.

Morgan Freeman: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Let's get right to it. How do you feel about the big show?

Morgan Freeman: It's... it's a pleasure to be here.

Space Ghost: You're kidding!

Morgan Freeman: Of course I'm kidding. I was just kidding.

Space Ghost: You're a professional. How do you feel about being a comedian?

Morgan Freeman: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Now, Morgan, tell everyone who you are.

Morgan Freeman: I am Morgan Freeman.

Space Ghost: Morgan, I'm Space Ghost. What's up with that?

Morgan Freeman: Uh, I'm a, uh, a teacher, and, uh, I'm a member of the television industry, and, uh, I'm paying you to promote my friend Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Morgan, I've seen all your stuff. I'm a fan.

Morgan Freeman: You are a fan, huh?

Space Ghost: Morgan, I'm a fan, and Space Ghost is a friend of mine. So, uh, if you'll forgive me, I'm going to order a pizza. (flies off)

Zorak: Morgan, Ice and Tower, I need a favor.

Morgan Freeman: What?

Ice: Let me give you a favor.

Zorak: I'd pay twenty bucks.

Tower: And you can keep the dog.

Space Ghost: (picks up toy dog) Hey, Morgan!

Morgan Freeman: What?

Ice: He's cute.

Space Ghost: (bounds back to his desk) He's cute too! Do you like him?

Morgan Freeman: I'd, I'd love to, you know, I'd really like to have him.

Space Ghost: But you're not gonna get there without me.

Morgan Freeman: (long pause) No, I'm not gonna get there without you.

Space Ghost: You're going to get what I give you and leave the building with a bang.

Morgan Freeman: (beat) Ohhhh, fine, whatever.

Space Ghost: You're going to leave with nothing. That's what I promise you.

Morgan Freeman: (beat) What kind of man are you?

Space Ghost: (beat) I'm going to leave you with nothing. That's what I promise you.

(Zorak is still laughing wildly. Space Ghost looks at him and nods.)

Zorak: Well, that's what I got! (starts growling.) You got nothing!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: Everything!

(Zorak is still laughing wildly. Space Ghost looks at him and nods.)

Zorak: We're both big fans of Batman.

Space Ghost: I love Batman! I own a Batman comic!

Zorak: You don't own a Batman comic!

Space Ghost: Well, I know a few Batman villains, and they're all liars!

Zorak: Lie!

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

(Opening graphic sequence shifts to studio monitor as it is displayed)

Space Ghost: Greetings, universe and beyond. I'm Space Ghost. Welcome to Cartoon Planet. (appears at the front of the monitor, with his power bands) On tonight's program, we have special guests, like Brak, who knows how to fire the magic wand, and Buzz, who can bend a spoon with his mind. But we're here to talk about something, and that's the wonderful people, Buzz and Space Ghost. Why, Buzz, would you like to come on, and maybe spend a little while with us?

Zorak: (studio monitor lowers with Zorak)

Space Ghost: Yes!

Zorak: What are you waiting for? Come on, let's go!

Space Ghost: (starts walking toward Zorak, toward monitor) So, Buzz, tell me everything you've been doing lately.

Buzz Aldrin: Well, I've been... traveling.

Space Ghost: Oh, really.

Buzz Aldrin: You mean, you've been, you've been...

Space Ghost: Oh, well, yes. I've been... um, um... um...

Buzz Aldrin: You've been doing a lot of Earthlingas...

Space Ghost: I've been doing Earthlingas, yes. I've been doing a little, uh, "documentary" kind of thing, you know...

Buzz Aldrin: (pause) Yeah.

Space Ghost: And, you've been doing a lot of celebrity interviews.

Buzz Aldrin: Well, no.

Space Ghost: No.

Buzz Aldrin: Okay.

Space Ghost: You know what I've been doing? (Buzz Aldrin' face does the Mickey Mouse smile)

Buzz Aldrin: I've been doing a little, uh, speaking tour.

Space Ghost: Really.

Buzz Aldrin: You mean, have you been doing any interviews?

Space Ghost: No! Wait a minute...

Buzz Aldrin: Well, no thank you.

Space Ghost: No thank you, Buzz. Anyway, it's been a real pleasure speaking with you.

Buzz Aldrin: You're welcome.

Space Ghost: You're a fellow talk show host, do you have any advice for me?

Buzz Aldrin: Always introduce yourself to the guests before the show. That way, you know, they'll know who's hostin' it.

Space Ghost: I'm hosting it! Space Ghost!

Buzz Aldrin: Well, I was thinkin' you'd come into my dressing room and introduce yourself.

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Buzz Aldrin: But then I realized, we're on different planets, and it's really hard...

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Buzz Aldrin: ... to find someone who could host my show. And, so, you know, it's really hard.

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Buzz Aldrin: I try to think of other things to do with my time, you know, I've been with Jet Set, and I don't think...

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Buzz Aldrin: I think you've been with us a little too long. Maybe you should try sittin' in a tree, you know, instead of tryin' to get married, you should try...

Space Ghost: Um, you don't have to.

Buzz Aldrin: Yeah, I've tried sitting in the tree, and it just doesn't work.

Space Ghost: Well, what about us?

Buzz Aldrin: You have a good time at The Laugh-In?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Buzz Aldrin: Are you tryin' to do that "situation" with your mouth, or are ya just not that funny.

Space Ghost: (interrupts) Hey, Buzz, we both work here.

Buzz Aldrin: Yeah, and?

Space Ghost: (pause) You're just not that funny.

Buzz Aldrin: (looks at Zorak) You're not that funny.

Zorak: (looks at Buzz)

Buzz Aldrin: (looks at Zorak)

Zorak: (looks at Buzz)

Buzz Aldrin: (looks at Zorak)

Zorak: (looks at Buzz)

Buzz Aldrin: (looks at Zorak)

Zorak: (looks at Buzz)

Moltar: (throws lever, sends Buzz to studio monitor)

Space Ghost: Well,
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right there. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, "Coast to Coast"?

Zorak: (in background) Hey, welcome to the big show!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost! On my show tonight, I'll be probing (winks) a couple of top notch musicians to find out what makes them tick.

Zorak: Tick?

Space Ghost: Yes, tick.

Zorak: Tick, you say?

Space Ghost: Yes, Zorak, tick.

Zorak: I got it.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: Tick, you say?

Space Ghost: Yes, Zorak, tick.

Zorak: Tick, you say?

Space Ghost: Yes, Zorak, tick.

Zorak: Tick, you say?

Space Ghost: Yes, Zorak, tick.

Zorak: I got it.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good.

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.

Space Ghost: Good!

Zorak: I'm ticked.
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello and hello! I'm Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right there. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, the fun starts.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, I'm yukking it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? Maybe I should just amend it right there. Oh, and, and now, the fun continues.

Zorak: (off camera) Hey, air conditioning and heating guy! It's time for another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast".

Space Ghost: Oh, you're right, air conditioning and heating guy. It's been a long time! I'm sorry to hear that.

Zorak: It's been a long time! I'm sorry to hear that.

Moltar: It's been a long time!

Space Ghost: And, air conditioning and heating guy, I'm sure you two have enjoyed a long time. Now, I'm sorry to hear that.

Zorak: It's been a long time!

Space Ghost: Yes. So have enjoyed a long time. And, air conditioning and heating guy, I'm sure you two have enjoyed a long time. Now, I'm sorry to hear that.

Moltar: It's been a long time!

Space Ghost: And, Neil Patrick Harris, you've been very gracious enough to let me host your show. Now, I'm going to Hawaii right now to see you there.

(Hawaii sky turns bright orange, with giant Hawaiian cross in background)

Zorak: You're welcome!

Space Ghost: Thank you, Kaipo! Now, Neil Patrick, can I ask you something?

(Pause)

Zorak: Um... yes.

Space Ghost: It's a question!

Zorak: Um... no.

Space Ghost: What was that?

Zorak: I said, I was honored to be honored. What was it?

Space Ghost: Oh, there it was again. "Thank you". How could I be so gracious?

Zorak: You are a very kind and generous person. I, for one, am very grateful.

Space Ghost: You are a very kind and generous person, Neil. But Zorak...

Zorak: (bloonk bloonk)

Space Ghost: You are a very kind and generous person, Neil. But you didn't invite me on this show! You didn't even know my name!

Zorak: Zorak!

Space Ghost: When did you get such a great name?

Zorak: Wha?

Space Ghost: You are a very lucky person.

Zorak: You are a very lucky person!

Space Ghost: You are a very lucky person!

Zorak: You are a very lucky person!

Space Ghost: I bet you're very excited about tonight's big reveal.

Zorak: Yeah man!

Space Ghost: I bet you're looking forward to it.

Zorak: Well, it's a long show.

Space Ghost: Then let's look forward to it, Taddles! Because we're gonna see a long show! Because we're both so excited!

(As Space Ghost and Zorak speak)

Space Ghost: Well, I'm excited, but I'm also a little confused. What do you guys mean by that?

Zorak: Well, I think they're saying something about when in a long show I go from zero to sixty in about five minutes.

Space Ghost: Yeah! They're giving me a long time to figure it out! And then they want me to send you out to the contest, where you'll be a contestant, because they want to give you a long time to figure it out!

Zorak: Okay, but I'll tell you what, you're the only one that matters.

Space Ghost: Yeah! You're the only one that matters!

Zorak: Oh, you're the only one that matters!

Space Ghost: Yeah! You're the only one that matters!

Zorak: Oh, you're the only one that matters!

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap.

Space Ghost: Uh huh. And, does that say "Sci-Fi Con '97"?

Zorak: Y'know, I believe it does.

Space Ghost: And when was this 'quote' 'unquote' "Sci-Fi Con '97"?

Zorak: Oh, uh, last weekend.

Space Ghost: (stares in silence)

Zorak: And, all last week.

Space Ghost: Here? On Ghost Planet? Why wasn't I invited?

Zorak: We only invite guests of honor, everyone else is $4.50 a day, or twelve bucks for the weekend.

Space Ghost: Really!

Zorak: Oh yeah.

Space Ghost: Well then, who was your "guest of honor"?

Zorak: Bill Mumy.

Moltar: He signed my helmet.

Space Ghost: Bill Mumy? You honored Bill Mumy? What did the fa-a-amous Bill Mumy do to get invited.

Moltar: Oh, only "Babylon 5"...

Zorak: "Lost in Space"...

Moltar: "Twilight Zone"...

Zorak: "Space Cases"...

Moltar: Oh, and he was the only one to play the child version of Darin Stevens on "Bewitched". (monitor shows Zorak, with text:)

CAM 152

STEP 132
THE ENTIRE
APPARATUS IS
THEN VIBRATED
UP AND DOWN

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk while they talk)

Zorak: "Bewitched" isn't sci-fi.

Moltar: It's got witches.

Zorak: Oh yeah, magic. I'll give you that one.

Moltar: Duh!

Zorak: Okay, okay, okay! I can help you get started. All right, I'm sorry, I, I'm sorry!

Space Ghost: What, are you ok?

Zorak: Yeah, yeah, I was, uh...

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: What were you doing while I was being abused by another person?

Moltar: You were!

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. Well, I was just thinking of that.

Zorak: Then you were thinking of me.

Space Ghost: Yes! Now, Zorak, tell me about your life.

Zorak: Well, um, I'm a cartoon superhero, and everything's gonna be okay.

Space Ghost: Yeah, okay.

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: And now, the conclusion of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". And Mother, stop the VCR, your Sonny Boy's not in this part.

(VCR is played)

Zorak: (voice-over) Space Ghost! The end of an era, and the beginning of a cartoon renaissance!

Space Ghost: You're a cartoon superhero, and everything's gonna be okay.

(VCR is paused. With this, the beginning of the end credits appears.)

Space Ghost: Yeah!

Voice: And, and so, uh, Ghostman...

Space Ghost: You know what? Fuck! (laughs) No, I don't think anyone watches this.

Voice: We're not watching it, nor do we care. We're not even fans.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I know that. We're not even fans! (punches Moltar in the face)

Moltar: (walking away)

Space Ghost:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right here. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, a grown-up voice telling us all about some of the naughty stuff that's been goin' on in the galaxy.

Zorak: Hey, are you a grown-up?

Space Ghost: You're what?

Zorak: You're a grown-up who was raised on scary movies and cartoons, and has never seen a cartoon episode of "Family Guy".

Space Ghost: (pause) Okay, I got it.

Zorak: Then let me clue ya. I'm gonna summon the giant robot, and wreak some havoc.

(Zorak summons giant robot, with harp music)

Zorak: (Harps) Zorak's rage! (sticks his tongue out at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (harps) Zorak's fury! (hurriedly puts hand over his face)

Zorak: (laughs) What a marauding giant! (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (face is inches away from his face) What in the name of Vic Tayback was that?!

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: I'm sorry, sir, of what big scary monster are you guys comeing from?

Space Ghost: I'm sorry, what, are you guys, like, retarded?

Zorak: Yeah, I think you are.

Space Ghost: Really? That's some, that's pretty scary.

Zorak: Well, I bet you two are, aren't you...

Space Ghost: (laughs) You're so stupid!

Zorak: You know what, Mr. Freeze, if you could be any animal in the world, what would it be, what kind of life would you lead, and why?

Space Ghost: Uh... I would think...

Zorak: Would you let me pet you?

Space Ghost: Sure, why not. What do you think it would be, Zorak?

Zorak: I think it would be a great big fluffy...

Space Ghost: Well, why don't you just buy a skunk?

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: (quietly) A skunk! A fluffy!

Zorak: Well, I mean, a real fluffy. One that FLIES!

Space Ghost: I don't buy that. I don't believe in fluffy things.

Zorak: Yeah, I believe in real things. Like, fluffy things.

Space Ghost: You don't have any!

Zorak: That's right! We believe in real things!

Space Ghost: Not like the things you're giving away! (quietly) Like REAL things!

Zorak: Yeah! We believe in REAL things! (rimshot)

Space Ghost: Thank you. That's what I do. (normal voice) I believe in the things you say. (normal voice) Because they're not words, they're actions!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Hey Zorak, you know what? You're a big fat ...

Zorak: Eh!

Space Ghost: You're a big fat ...

Zorak: Eh!

Space Ghost: You're a big fat ...

Zorak: Eh!

Space Ghost: You're a big fat ...

Zorak: Eh!

Moltar: Hey, uh, Space Ghost? Some guy up here wants to see ya.

Space Ghost: (flies off) He's a gentleman, Moltar. He wants to see ya.

Moltar: Aaaaaaaaa!

Zorak: (laughs) That's rich!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaa!

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: Zorak, play something funky, I need to go get a Wet Wipe.

Zorak: (play something funky) Hey, duck! Hey, duck!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaa! Duck!

Zorak: Ewwww!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaa!

Zorak: Ewwww
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love! Moltar, hand me that fork.

Moltar: Okay, the food of love is delicious! (hands Zorak's fork to Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Thank you. Where is it?

Zorak: Eh, I've been eating.

Moltar: You've been eating all the food of love?

Zorak: Uh, I guess not.

Space Ghost: That's right, you've been eating all the food of love. Now, where's the love, Zorak?

Zorak: (reading a book) "It was I, wasn't I supposed to say the words?"

Space Ghost: You said it first, Zorak.

Zorak: Well, someone needs to correct you.

Space Ghost: Don't you worry about that, I'll just get right to it. (picks up fork)

Zorak: (stares at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: You're wrong about that.

Moltar: (throws lever, credits roll)

Space Ghost: You're wrong about everything! You're a nasty bug. Ever see a female potted plant?

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: Come on, Zorak, let's go right to the girls! (flies off)

Zorak: You're really wrong about that!

Moltar: Uh...

Space Ghost: We'll check the tape! We'll check it right after the show, okay?

Zorak: Eh...

Moltar: (shouts) Spit it all away!

BRVR: Yes I am.

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love! And if you're into that, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love!

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: Kaa! (rimshot)

Zorak: Aaaaaaaaa!!!

Space Ghost: (hunched down in his pod) Where's the love in this room?

Zorak: Uh...

Space Ghost: Oh yeah! We'll check the tape! We'll check it right after the show, okay?

Zorak: Eh...

Space Ghost: We'll check it right after the show, okay?

Moltar: Yeah, we'll check it right after the show.

Space Ghost: That's good! Good!

Zorak: (off camera) Aaaaaaaaa!!!

Space Ghost: What's goin' on in here?

Moltar: Uh...

Space Ghost: What about all the sex?

Zorak: You like that?

Space Ghost: Yeah! You like that!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You like that? You like that!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You like that!

Zorak: (stops laughing) That's pretty good.

Moltar: (still laughing)

Space Ghost: You like that? You like that!

Zorak: (still laughing) That's pretty good!

Space Ghost: You're jealous!

Zorak: (still laughing)

Space Ghost: (beat) Jealousy! (flies off)

Zorak: (evil laugh)

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (evil laugh)

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (evil laugh)

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (evil laugh)

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (evil laugh)

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings and hello, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have something in common - they're both from the outer rim worlds of their respective planets. The question is, who is Zorak? And, more specifically, who is Zorak?

Zorak: (on Moltar's monitor) Hello, and how do you like it?

Moltar: Hello, and how do you like it?

Zorak: What?

Moltar: What's that?

Zorak: Don't you ever leave me alone!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings and hello, this is Space Ghost, welcoming you to another edition of my show, where we find clown Patrick Stewart, and the incomparable Space Ghost. Nobody special, but they both have something in common - they're both from the outer rim worlds of their respective planets. The question is, who is Zorak? And, more specifically, who is Zorak?

Zorak: Hello, and how do you like it?

Space Ghost: (still holding his head) I like it when you guys sing!

Moltar: Hello, and how do you like it?

Space Ghost: Yeah, whatever you say!

Moltar: You know, uh, you're kinda cute.

Space Ghost: (still holding head) How about that? You like when I sing?

Moltar: Yeah, whatever you say!

Space Ghost: You're cute when you sing!

Moltar: Yeah, whatever you say!

Space Ghost: You're cute when you sing!

Moltar: (growling) Zorak, get out here and heat up my skull! Get ready for some gobbledygook! (hands over his face) Dr. Winters wants to see you...

Space Ghost: Ow! Excuse me. (beat) Mr. Winters wants to see me. (flies off)

Zorak: Uh, Patrick, uh, Stewie, Stewie...

Moltar: Hey, Phoebe.

(In control room, Moltar and Zorak are smoking joints and drinking beers. The room is filled with smoke. Crumpled cans are scattered on the floor, along with an ashtray and a boom box.)

(In studio, Space Ghost bounds back to his chair, coughing. The room is filled with smoke.)

Space Ghost: I'll pass. I'll pass.

(In control room, Patrick is setting up a drum set. The ceiling tile falls in step with him as he plays his part of the song, which is also playing in the background. Next to the stool is a small glowing ball.)

(Space Ghost invisos in on top of his desk, which is still full of smoke. The entire ceiling and walls are also burning, and there are flames in the air above Space Ghost's head.)

(Fire breathing mask and other equipment are also scattered on the floor, along with a few other items. Space Ghost looks around.)

Space Ghost: (clears throat) Patrick, did you see where I dropped that ball? I must have done it a thousand times.

Patrick Stewart: Yes.

Space Ghost: You're afraid to ask me why?

Patrick Stewart: No.

Space Ghost: Why?

Patrick Stewart: Because I'm afraid of lasers.

Space Ghost: Oh.

Patrick Stewart: Yes.

Space Ghost: Thank you.

Patrick Stewart: Yes, well...

Zorak: Who doesn't like lasers?

Space Ghost: Zorak, you're f(BLEEP)ed up!

Zorak: What?!

Space Ghost: Seriously!

Zorak: Can't you see what's happening here?

Space Ghost: (holding Zorak) I didn't hit you with a ball! (makes blast) I didn't even like the ball! (hits Zorak with ball; blast continues)

(Space Ghost walks over to Zorak; blast hits him again. The crowd cheers)

Space Ghost: You didn't have any balls!

Zorak: Hey, buddy!

Space Ghost: I know that!

Zorak: I know that!

Space Ghost: Zorak, play something funky, I need to go get something. (Zorak plays some music; Space Ghost walks over to Zor
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh, it's a monkey on a stick.

Zorak: A cap? I thought we were supposed to ban alcohol from this show.

Space Ghost: Yes, alcohol is toxic and harmful.

Zorak: See, I said it first, damn it!

Space Ghost: Okay, fine.

Zorak: So, why don't you explain it to me?

Space Ghost: Well... (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) I don't understand.

Space Ghost: That's what I meant. That's what I said.

Zorak: So, it's all a misunderstanding.

Space Ghost: You're a drunk!

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: And a cap thief!

Zorak: Well, what do you think of that?

Space Ghost: Oh, you know, it's like I'm a cowboy in a witch's house! You think I'm gonna take this show, Moltar, and run?

Moltar: No, I refuse.

Zorak: You refuse what?

Space Ghost: I have a lot of money!

Zorak: Well, what if I did?

Space Ghost: You'll never make it in television!

Zorak: I wouldn't be surprised if you fell right into the Potemkin River and died!

Space Ghost: Do you know what a capuchin is?

Zorak: I only found out the hard way.

Space Ghost: Really? That's a scary thought.

Zorak: You scare children.

Space Ghost: I'm sorry.

Zorak: They scare me because I'm a capuchin. A scary thing! They're looking at me!

Space Ghost: Yeah. So, I scare children. That's why I'm here. To scare children.

Zorak: Yeah, I think you're a good person.

Space Ghost: Okay, Zorak, I'm really confused by this whole deal.

Zorak: Yeah, thanks.

Space Ghost: Okay, I understand.

Zorak: Here's a few ideas:

1. I like to eat some fruit.

Space Ghost: Okay.

Zorak: Then I like to eat some fruit.

Space Ghost: Right.

Zorak: Then I like to eat some fruit.

Space Ghost: Right.

Zorak: Then I like to eat some fruit.

Space Ghost: Right.

Zorak: Then I like to eat some fruit.

Space Ghost: Right.

Zorak: Then I like to eat some fruit.

Space Ghost: Right.

Zorak: Then maybe you should stop eating so much fruit.

Space Ghost: You mean maybe you shouldn't eat so much fruit.

Zorak: Yup.

Space Ghost: Because sometimes you just need a little help getting started.

Zorak: Yeah. Start from scratch.

Space Ghost: (writing at his desk) (invisos to control room) What's goin' on in here?

Moltar: Space Ghost, uh...

Space Ghost: What's that?

Moltar: You need to start acting like Kramer from "Seinfeld".

Space Ghost: Kramer?! Who's Kramer?

Moltar: Kramer! Head of state!

Space Ghost: Kramer, huh? I thought he was George Lucas.

Moltar: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Anyway, what's with this guy, and where's his head, and why is
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and welcome to the big finale of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they both have very good careers. And they both love children. And their children. And their children's children. And their children's children. And their children's children.

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) Here's your final gift! (coughs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Zorak, aren't you excited?

Zorak: Ehh, not really.

Space Ghost: Not really what?

Zorak: You didn't even book me.

Space Ghost: No excuses! One! Two! Three! Four! Three! One! Two! Four! Four! Four! One! Two! Three!-

Zorak: (coughs)

Space Ghost: Maxcy, Steve! It's that simple, and that hard.

Maxcy Nolan: I'm really sorry.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I was hoping you would say yes.

Maxcy Nolan: I was hoping you would say yes.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay.

Maxcy Nolan: I knew it.

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And you two ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

Zorak: And ruining my career!

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: "It was a blind date!"

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, please play the part of the guest who wants to eat some of my delicious food.

Moltar: Uh, Space Ghost, wouldn't be the first person to order a pizza from me, would you?

Space Ghost: Yes. (makes way for Moltar to speak) First person? You mean the person who ordered the pizza?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: You mean the person who ordered the pizza?

Moltar: Yes.

Space Ghost: Because if you order a pizza from me, and you don't have any money, then I will have to go back to using the Oasis of the Headless Mad Thinker to pay for it.

Moltar: Yes! I will.

Space Ghost: Because then we'll both be richer.

Zorak: First you have to order a pizza!

Space Ghost: And you have to eat it.

Zorak: Right!

Space Ghost: And you have to pay for it.

Zorak: With your money!

Space Ghost: And, with your money! Rich people eat rich people, right?

Zorak: Correct!

Space Ghost: And rich people pay you money!

Zorak: Right!

Space Ghost: It's a "rule".

Zorak: It is!

Space Ghost: Anyone can break the law, if they have a law. It's a "rule".

Zorak: Actually, it's a "rule" that rich people break.

Space Ghost: Don't laugh.

Zorak: Laughing is the person who broke the law.

Space Ghost: (beat) I cracked the whip!

Zorak: It's a "rule"!

Space Ghost: (beat) I'll tell you what, it's a "rule"! Anyone can break the whip, as long as they have a "rule". That's what I'm talking about!

Zorak: A "rule"!

Space Ghost: A whip! That's a whip!

Zorak: A whip!

Space Ghost: AHHHH! Are you nuts? Moltar, I am dialing 911!

Moltar: Ehh, I'm not dialing 911, I'm instead calling this number.

911: Ehhh... Okay.

(Credits roll)

Space Ghost: Do you have any money?

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Police sirens in background, door opens)

Police Officer: (through bullhorn) Austin Powers, twenty-four years old, police officer.

Zorak: Whoa, he's older than me!

Police Officer: I'm sorry, Austin, no baby, you're in trouble.

Zorak: Hey, wait a minute, I'm eighteen!

Police Officer: Well, 18...

Zorak: And 1/2 dozen years ago I was introduced to the ancient super-sorcerer, Buddha.

Police Officer: You're looking good, Zorak.

Zorak: Yeah, thanks a lot.

Police Officer: You're very lucky.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Orchestra version of "Hit Single" theme, with snappy new graphics, and following titles:)

Ghost Planet Industries
Presents

O COAST
TO COAST!

Starring
SPACE GHOST

Co-starring
ZORAK
And
MOLTAR

Featuring
BRAK
And
LOKAR

Special Guests
STEVE ALLEN

And
ANDY DICK

Space Ghost: (fade in) Greetings! I am Space Ghost. My first guest tonight is the incredible, the incomparable Steve Allen. (pause) Steve Allen? Is that right, Moltar?

Moltar: (picks up mic) Yup.

Space Ghost: (sings:) Space Ghost, the great Steve Allen.

Steve Allen: (on monitor, ignoring Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Steve Allen! Go to the desk!

Steve Allen: I'm sorry, I, I thought it was Moltar.

Moltar: (walks toward desk) It's Moltar, from "The Madman's Guide to Love". Get it?

Space Ghost: (sighs)
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well hello there, this to me is a big show. I'm sorry, Space Ghost, this is G-

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost, host of the Ghost Planet. What are you getting at?

Tansut: Well, I'm trying to say something about cartoons that are extremely offensive to modern sensibilities. Specifically, cartoons that were made in the 1950s!

Space Ghost: I get what you're saying.

Tansut: And something about cartoons 50 years ago! ESPECIALLY BOTH!

Space Ghost: (angry) Hey, what ARE you getting at?!

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You were warned.

Moltar: (in control room) Oh, I warn you again! This time, I'm sending an engineer to your desk! He'll be recording and phoning in to Cartoon Planet to discuss your cartoon.

Space Ghost: Thank you, Moltar, but...

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: There's only one thing to do, and that's to send in the engineer.

Moltar: ... Heh... I suppose.

Space Ghost: The engineer will be recording and phoning in to Cartoon Planet to discuss your cartoon.

Moltar: (throws lever) Alan...

Space Ghost: Heh, what was I saying?

Moltar: Alan is my name, and Alan is my show. And Cartoon Planet is my show!

Space Ghost: Well, what about my show?

Moltar: It's the same, stupid, simple stuff. We're a team! (throws lever) Alan's a moron!

Space Ghost: Yeah, well... what about my stupid show?

Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Shut up, Zorak.

Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: You're a moron! I'm a pinhead!

Zorak: Hey, pinhead. What about me?

Space Ghost: You're a pinhead!

Zorak: Hey, why do you want to hang with me?

Space Ghost: You're a pinhead!

Zorak: Okay, fine. You want to hang out, yeah, hang out. But come on! You're going to prison!

Space Ghost: For what?

Zorak: (beat) Because I was caught red-handed!

Space Ghost: Oh, fine! You wanna go back to prison, right?

Zorak: Yeah, and get that stupid mask. I don't want to go back to prison!

Space Ghost: What?

Zorak: I just want to look like a superhero again!

Space Ghost: (beat) Yeah, and pinhead. What's that mean?

Zorak: Well, you wear it over your dirty bandanna's dirty face.

Space Ghost: It means whatever you want.

Zorak: It means whatever you want.

Space Ghost: It also says "pinhead", which, y'know, makes you feel all better.

Zorak: Yeah, well, that's what I thought. Then the makeup person said, "Hey, can we try that mask, would you please please please please please please please please please please please please?"

Space Ghost: (beat) Pinhead.

(The producer is on the monitor, as is the bandstand)

Space Ghost: (beat) Pinhead.

(Space Ghost invisos to the bandstand, his head sticking out of the bandstand)

(Space Ghost invisos back to his desk)

Zorak: So, Marvel man, you gonna get that mask or not?

Moltar: (chuckles)

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: And, can we get a hot naked woman for our entertainment?

Moltar: (chuckles)

Space Ghost: (looks around)

Zorak: Oh, I've seen plenty.

Space Ghost: Well, what do you say, Zorak?

Zorak: Well, I'm just a lowly slave, you're nothing to me. What do you think of my new found freedom?

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of the free sex you've got?

Zorak: I think it's all pretty darn good.

Space Ghost: I love when you sing that song. That's
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, welcome to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in the cellar! Close all the shutters and chain down the cows! There's a comedy twister comin'! Here's Spaaace Ghooost!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Moltar, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.

Moltar: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?

Space Ghost: And who's that with, Moltar?

Moltar: Your host, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: I'm not lying when I say I'm really excited about this new feature. But we'll save that for later in the show. Let's get to know our contestants, shall we?

(Drum roll & big band intro from Way Outs)

(Zorak floats above drum set, with voiceover)

Zorak: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Zorak, ready to roll, in for a wild ride of a lifetime! (voiceover) Welcome to "Space Quiz Fun 9000", a wildly entertaining new show from Outer Limits. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner David Cross. And don't forget about the legendary Bob Odenkirk, mmm. The man himself, Bob Odenkirk. Roll right over, and get ready for a wild ride of a lifetime! (voiceover) (invisos to desk) On tonight's show, legendary producer James L. Brooks, and his band of merry pranksters, "The Lazy Yam". (appears on monitor, with voiceover) Welcome to "Space Quiz Fun 9000", a wildly entertaining new show from Outer Limits.

Space Ghost: Welcome to the big show, folks.

Zorak: Roaches, did I order a pizza?

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said things that are not true. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce the truth. (crying) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, legendary producer James L. Brooks, and his band of merry pranksters, "The Lazy Yam", we will do their talking, and maybe tease a few jokes, for you kids to chew on.

Zorak: (munching sounds)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk) Please welcome my first guest, Ms. Audrina Troellex.

Zorak: What's she saying?

Space Ghost: Oh... talking, y'know?

Zorak: Talking, huh?

Space Ghost: You mean like, "I have a secret weapon that can take a lot of punishment", or "I invented the vacuum cleaner", or "Space Ghost saved my life", or "Zorak was trying to kill me", or "Take that!, girl!", or "How come I never have any girlfriends?! How come I can't even get a girlfriend?!?"

Zorak: Hey, why don't you go have a girlfriend?

Space Ghost: (interrupts) Oh, you want a girlfriend?

Zorak: Yeah, why don't you go get one?

Space Ghost: (pause) Okay.

Zorak: (glares at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Well, y'know, I still have not received my "Letter of Residence".

Zorak: "Letter of Residence"?

Space Ghost: Don't you worry, I'll send you one.

Zorak: (glares at Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: Today's letter is from Connie Flavin of Boston, Massachusetts, and it reads:

"Dear Brak, why do you act like such a hunk? Why do you yell so much? And, why do you keep throwing those big primitive fits?"

Brak: A primitive, primitive brouhaha.

Zorak: "Primitive
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, hand me that fork.

Moltar: There's no need to fork. The food of love...

Space Ghost: Yes. The food of love.

Moltar: What fork?

Space Ghost: That which you offer to me.

Moltar: I don't care what it is, please do the trick.

Space Ghost: What is it?

Moltar: That which you offer to me is the food of love.

Space Ghost: Oh... uh, love...

Moltar: I never said that!

Space Ghost: That's what you offered to me, didn't you?

Moltar: You know what? I did.

Space Ghost: That's what I thought.

(Pause)

Space Ghost: The food of love...

Zorak: I never said that!

Space Ghost: Know what? We'll find a way to cash in on your head.

(Space Ghost invisos to desk)

Moltar: (on monitor) On the monitor, there! Is that you?

Space Ghost: You're the food of love, Moltar. Now, if you'll all go over there and join me, I'll show you what love really feels like. (To Zorak) And you'll be famous!

Zorak: (extends energy chains)

Space Ghost: Zorak, you have destroyed the utopia.

(In control room, Frylock is pressing various buttons, yelling unintelligibly)

Frylock: (on monitor) This is for nastasi! (normal voice) To the death!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Ladies and gentlemen, host of Entertainment Tonight, and superhero of the hour, welcome Mr. Sam Butera!

Frylock: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Sam Butera: (lowers from ceiling on monitor) So, uh, Sam, I'm very happy to be here, but I'm a little confused, because you're... you're a little, uh, you're a little mysterious about yourself, and I don't know...

Space Ghost: (flies from his desk, toward monitor) (sighs)

Moltar: You're not that mysterious.

Zorak: Yeah, well, I don't know either.

Space Ghost: (flies back, laughing)

Zorak: What's so funny?

(Control room. Sam is in there alone. The studio monitor raises and Sam reappears on control room monitor, with a group of people he has not invited nor spoken to in at least five years)

Sam Butera: (laughs)

Frylock: Welcome to America's fifty-first state, Ghostlahoma.

Sam Butera: Thank you, welcome to my wonderful land.

Frylock: And now, the great Sam Butera, welcome to the big show.

Sam Butera: Thank you, thank you ever so much.

Frylock: You're welcome.

Sam Butera: I'm really a couch potato, really.

Frylock: Oh, I was just gonna say that.

Sam Butera: I'm serious, I'm serious about this. We're in a big fight, okay?

Frylock: (off camera) Whattya think about that?

Sam Butera: Well, you know, you're a long shot. I mean, you're literally a long shot.

Space Ghost: (flies back to control room) (sighs)

Zorak: You're pathetic! Did I tell you how pathetic I am? You're nothing! I'll do anything to make you feel inferior!

Moltar: No! No!

Zorak: Okay, I will! Anything!

Moltar: Get lost, man!

Space Ghost: Where were we? Oh, right... here.

Zorak: You mean you'll never even try to kiss me!

Space Ghost: How about a hot dog? A hot dog and a beer?

Zorak: What kind of a man?

Space Ghost: Well, what kind of a man wouldn't want to have a hot dog and a beer?

Zorak: You know, there's even a store that sells hot dogs and beer.

Space Ghost:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings and hello, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another edition of "Space Ghost of the Cosmos". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right here. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, welcome back to "Space Ghost of the Cosmos", my signature program. (invisos to desk) On tonight's program, singer Jack Logan is in the studio, and he and reggae legend Jimmy Cliff are both here. Good job, Jack! What a show! Yeah, good job!

Space Ghost: You know, Jimmy, it's like I'm in a trance. Like I'm in a trance, I don't know what's real or what's...

Jimmy Cliff: I'd like to say that I think this is a very sad show. You know, I think it's got some real dark themes at its core.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, don't you?

Jimmy Cliff: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack?

Jack Logan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: You think there's a dark theme at the core of your show, Jack
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Moltar: Hi there, uh, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Moltar, you're the guest who was promised. So, what do you want?

Moltar: I was just gonna say that I enjoyed your appearance on the show.

Space Ghost: (laughs)

Moltar: And your questions were very interesting.

Space Ghost: Well, you know I didn't write those questions, Moltar.

Moltar: Yes you did.

Space Ghost: But I don't know why. Nowadays, everyone seems to be so concerned about their waist. We wear belts around our waists, you know what I'm saying.

Moltar: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Space Ghost: But behind that belt, there's this... thing.

Zorak: (voice-over) That's it. Thanks for coming.

Space Ghost: That's it. We're outta time.

Zorak: Yeah, thanks.

Moltar: It's a lifetime warranty.

Space Ghost: Lifetime warranty! What do you think of that?

Moltar: Well, it's not like you'd want a lifetime warranty, you know. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, it sounds like a good contract. You know, the one I had... with Seth.

Moltar: Yeah, well... (laughs)

Space Ghost: So, what do you think of the one I just signed?

Moltar: Well, it's not like you'd want a lifetime warranty, you know. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of the one I just signed?

Moltar: Well, it's not like you'd want a lifetime warranty, you know. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of the one I just signed?

Moltar: Well, it's not like you'd want a lifetime warranty, you know. (laughs)

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of the one I just signed?

Zorak: (voice-over) That's good! I didn't think of anything!

Space Ghost: (laughs) Oh, really?

Zorak: Yeah! I thought of everything!

Space Ghost: Everything but your stupid wedding!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah, and your stupid wedding!

Space Ghost: And your stupid business!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah! I thought of everything!

Space Ghost: Everything but your stupid business!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah! I thought of everything!

Space Ghost: Everything but your stupid wedding!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah, and your stupid business!

Space Ghost: And your stupid business!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah! I thought of everything!

Space Ghost: Everything but your stupid wedding!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah, and your stupid business!

Space Ghost: And your stupid business!

Zorak: (voice-over) Yeah! I thought of everything!

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Oh, that's rich!

Zorak: That's super!

Space Ghost: So, Zorak, tell everybody who you are.

Zorak: Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Are you Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: The real Space Ghost?

Zorak: Heh!

Space Ghost: What?!

Zorak: Heh!

Space Ghost: Zorak, tell everybody who you are.

Zorak: Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Are you Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: The one who got away with 'em.

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: (persons) (glances at Zorak)

Zorak: Hey, what?

Space Ghost: Shh! Hey, buddy! Somebody got away with 'em!

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: (persons)

Zorak: I know!

Space Ghost: You know what? You did a good job catching 'em! You shoulda asked me first!

Zorak: Yeah, I did! Why don't you ask the guy?

Space Ghost: Yeah!

Zorak: Then I'll catch 'em!
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, one and all, I'm Space Ghost.

Zorak: So what?

Space Ghost: (stares back)

Zorak: Go on and start the dumb show!

Space Ghost: Actually, we're not doing our regular show tonight, Zorak.

Zorak: You mean it won't stink?

Space Ghost: (laughs) And so it begins. No, Zorak, I'm saying that I have a special surprise for you tonight. (drum roll) Zorak, here... is... your... (cymbal crash) life!

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: (sputters, wide-eyed) What!?! (shot of all-mantis audience) Oh, great. Moltar! Why didn't you warn me?

Moltar: Hey, nobody tells me anything.

Space Ghost: That's right, Zorak. Moltar didn't know a thing about this. You see, I only told two special friends of yours. And then they told two friends, and then they told two friends. And so on, and so on, and so on... (as he talks, the screen splits into two, then four, then eight, and then sixteen talking Space Ghosts.)

Zorak: Well, I don't want no stinky "here is your life!". It's embarrassing.

Space Ghost: Oh, hush up, Mr. Party Poop Bug. It'll be fun, fun, fun! We're gonna have guests who'll talk about you, and surprises. And afterwards, we're all going to a party downtown at the Taco King.

Audience: (applause)

Zorak: The Taco King?

Moltar: (reciting a jingle) "It's where the refried bean reigns supreme."

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk, with a jingle) "It's where the refried bean reigns supreme." It's where the refried bean reigns supreme! To the party!

Zorak: The Taco King?

Space Ghost: (looks at Zorak, then the audience) They're not even talking about me! They're not even talking about me! What are they, 3-9?

Zorak: Uh, they're not even talking about me! What are they, 3-9?

Space Ghost: Well, I know what they are! (makes projector sound bite) Zorak and Moltar! Get in there now! (make projector sound bite again)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You're right, aren't you, Zorak? (looks at Moltar, then at Zorak)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You're right, aren't you, Moltar? (laughs)

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I love you, guest.

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I love you, guest.

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I love you, guest.

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I love you, guest.

Zorak: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I love you, guest.

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: I love you, guest.

Zorak: (louder)

Space Ghost: I want to start a band! I want to get a band going! And raise a bunch of money for charity!

Audience: (applause)

Space Ghost: And help me get a band going! (lights a cigarette) I'm rich! (cigar smoke trails off screen)

Zorak: That's rich!

Space Ghost: Okay, Zorak.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: You wanna smoke a big fat cigar?

Zorak: Eh, I don't think anybody's gonna give me that.

Space Ghost: (
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

(Opening graphic sequence shifts to studio monitor as Space Ghost invisos in)

Space Ghost: Greetings, I'm Space Ghost. Welcome to Cartoon Planet. (appears to be moving around the set) On tonight's program, singer / songwriter / swimming pool motor repairman Jack Logan is here. He tells us what he's doing, and why he's doing it, and it gets him. The Zorak song, "Mother McCready", is playing. Zorak, help me! I am in danger!

Zorak: (off-camera) What?!

Space Ghost: (stares at Zorak)

Zorak: Help me!

Space Ghost: There is no one in my power!

Zorak: You're in danger!

Space Ghost: No, I didn't!

Zorak: Help me!

Space Ghost: No, you didn't!

Zorak: Help me!

Space Ghost: No, I didn't!

Zorak: Help me!

Space Ghost: Yes, you did!

Zorak: (mocking) You sucked!

Space Ghost: (sighs)

Zorak: I know what you did!

Space Ghost: (sits down) Well, that's just great! Somebody actually watched!

Zorak: Yeah, I watched. I'm glad I stayed that extra half hour.

Space Ghost: You were extra evil, weren't you?

Zorak: Yeah, well, that's what I was gonna say!

Space Ghost: Actually, two people - one of them is Space Ghost, and the other is Death Note.

Zorak: Really?

Space Ghost: Yes. He's the Space Ghost, and Death Note is the Dr. Katz.

Zorak: Really? Well, what's all this "super power" stuff?

Space Ghost: The kind you get from eating meat and drinking beer.

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You mean like, the kind you get from eating meat and drinking beer?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You mean like, the kind you get from eating meat and drinking beer?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You mean like, the kind you get from eating meat and drinking beer?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You mean like, the kind you get from eating meat and drinking beer?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You mean like, the kind you get when you eat meat and drink beer?

Zorak: Yeah!

Space Ghost: You mean like, the kind you get when you...

Zorak: (overlapping) Yeah!

Space Ghost: Yeah!

Moltar: (throwing levers) Uh, (throws lever) I think it's time for Brak to go to the bathroom.

Space Ghost: Tuh, time to go to the bathroom, buddy. This is a prerecorded message.

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

TO BE CONTINUED...

Space Ghost: I love the camera, and the camera loves me!

(Shoots out of frame, with announcer's voice)

Announcer: Space Ghost, fifteen seconds till showtime! (camera goes to static)

(Set)

Space Ghost: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... (camera goes back to static)

Announcer: Space Ghost, fifteen seconds till showtime! (lights return to normal; static on camera and monitor is replaced by static)

Space Ghost: Whoa! (camera goes back to static)

Zorak: Hey! (camera goes back to static)

Space Ghost: What camera were you wearing? (laughs)

Z
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and hello there, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Zorak: "It's all right, feel better. Here's a list of things you can do to help."

Moltar: (listening) Uh, Space Ghost, what are you going on about?

Space Ghost: (as he lists) Ticket scalpers. Ticket scalpers!

Moltar: (looks) Aaaaaaaaaaa! I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (listening) Yes, yes. And scalpers!

Moltar: (looks) Aaaaaaaaaaa! I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (listening) Yes, yes. And I hate this job!

Zorak: (looks) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (listening) Yes, yes. And also, we'll be cutting our losses because the place is getting pretty lonely. (picks up microphone from floor, chanting "cut!") (standing up) Shoo! Everybody, gang! (holds it up)

Zorak: Hey, what's so funny?

Space Ghost: (stares back silently)

Zorak: Hey, what's so funny?

Space Ghost: You're a funny bug.

Zorak: AAAAAAAAAAAA!

Space Ghost: I'm serious, I want to get to know you better. Are you all right?

Zorak: I'm okay. We should get to know each other better.

Space Ghost: Okay, go get to know each other better.

Moltar: So, uh, Space Ghost-

Space Ghost: On later. (flies off)

Zorak: Hey, Moltar, on later.

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: Hey, Moltar, on later.

Moltar: (laughs)

Zorak: Hey, Moltar, on later.

Moltar: (laughs)

Space Ghost: We should get to know each other better.

DO WE HAVE TO?
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Zorak: (invisos in) Hi, brothers! I'm Zorak! From Cartoon Planet, uh, I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, uh, we'll be taking a closer look at:

The Foot Locker Incident

Space Ghost: (invisos in) A crime against the public! (punches Zorak several more times)

Zorak: Hey! That's just what I thought!

Space Ghost: And let's talk about The Foot Locker Incident.

Zorak: Hey, uh, why didn't you tell me this was a crime?

Space Ghost: You were supposed to announce that!

Zorak: Well, I didn't know the words!

Space Ghost: So, what's the story behind those clothes?

Zorak: (looks around)

Space Ghost: There's a story behind those clothes! (sighs) You see, there's a story behind those clothes... (looks around again)

(Shot of empty set; Space Ghost invisos to desk)

Space Ghost: (off camera) There's a story behind those clothes!

Moltar: (laughs) Yeah!

Space Ghost: That story has me wondering...

(Shot of empty set; Moltar and Space Ghost fight off-camera; a small scuffle ensues)

Space Ghost: You guys need to fight! (small scuffle ensues)

(Shot of empty set; Moltar and Space Ghost fight off-camera; a larger fight
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, he's done. (removes mask)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Hello! I'm Space Ghost! Joining me tonight are Grizzly, Moltar, and Tansut. And right here, Jon Stewart!

Jon Stewart: (appears on monitor, waves) Thank you very much.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Jon Stewart: You're welcome to the show, thank you. The first time you were on here was twenty years ago, and you were the first person to wave.

Space Ghost: And who was that, Moltar?

Moltar: Jon Stewart!

Space Ghost: And how did you become my friend?

Moltar: Well, you know, the show.

Jon Stewart: The...

Space Ghost: The "Show"?

Moltar: It was a collaboration between The Grateful Dead and...

Space Ghost: What?

Moltar: The Grateful Dead!

Space Ghost: I have no idea what you're talking about!

Moltar: Well...

Space Ghost: Well, bear with me as I try to work out who this guy is.

Moltar: The Dead!

Space Ghost: Oh, my God!

Moltar: Well, out loud! (walks away from control room monitor)

Space Ghost: (quietly) You were supposed to invite me!

Jon Stewart: I was.

Space Ghost: But now, with this new technology, how do you mean?

Jon Stewart: The whole crew died, and you got to put them back!

Space Ghost: Really? And why?

Jon Stewart: Yeah, and you got to get down with that.

Space Ghost: And how about I pay for their funerals?

Jon Stewart: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Wow! I'm going to order one of those...

Jon Stewart: How would you pay for their funerals?

Space Ghost: You pay for their funerals!

Jon Stewart: What about all the shows they've been doing?

Space Ghost: You pay for their funerals!

Jon Stewart: You pay for their funerals!

Space Ghost: I didn't say that!

Jon Stewart: Well, how about all the concerts they've been doing?

Space Ghost: You pay for their funerals!

Jon Stewart: (shouts) You pay for their funerals!

Space Ghost: I didn't say anything!

Jon Stewart: You know what?

Space Ghost: I don't watch the show! I don't even know what you're talking about!

Jon Stewart: You know what?

Space Ghost: I don't watch the show! I don't want to spend time here explaining why, because there's so much you could learn from watching the show that I'll bet you'll find it much more interesting than trying to emulate his every move.

Jon Stewart: You're like a fox, aren't you?

Space Ghost: Well...

Jon Stewart: You are a fox. That's what you are.

Space Ghost: But don't tell me you're a fox! (starts walking away)

Jon Stewart: (laughs)

Moltar: (continues yelling)

Zorak: And you're a con, aren't you?

Space Ghost: Don't tell me you're a con!

Jon Stewart: You are, you're a fox, aren't you?

Space Ghost: (walks back and forth)

Jon Stewart: Yeah.

Space Ghost: But don't tell me you're a fox!

Jon Stewart: Are you?

Space Ghost: (sticks head in air)

Jon Stewart: Are you a fox?!

Zorak: Well, no, but I guess that's what you are.

Jon Stewart: You're saying there's a big difference.

Space Ghost: There's a big difference between me and you, Jon!

Jon Stewart: Yeah, well, that's what the big show's about.

Space Ghost: And here's the question: What's the difference between a fox and a connoisseur?

Jon Stewart: You know, I mean, you're a big deal. You're a big star, you're all over Earth, forty countries, what do you, where do you go from here?

Space Ghost: Forty states, what are you
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Why? Because my guests are crooners Pat Boone and Chuck D.

Zorak: Space Ghost...

Space Ghost: Yes?

Zorak: Do you suffer from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness

Space Ghost: (silence) What?

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed.

Space Ghost: (silence) What are you saying?!

Zorak: Don't be embarrassed!

Space Ghost: (silence) Have you ever suffered from:
o Inflamation
o Chafing
o Uncomfortable Redness?

Zorak: If this is the case in the know, I'll bet you'd feel much better if I blasted Pat Boone and Chuck D!

Space Ghost: (stares)

Zorak: (blasts Space Ghost)

Moltar: (throws lever, Bowie takes out projector from his desk, which now sports a crucifix on it; the projector logo streaks across the screen and stops; the music stops)

Space Ghost: What?

Moltar: (throws lever again, Bowie reappears on monitor)

Space Ghost: Oh, you're right.

(Beep!)

(Space Ghost blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (laughs) Aaah! What's all this?

Space Ghost: Well, I think it's time to go to the big show.

(Space Ghost bounds back to his desk)

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

Todd Barry: Oh, uh, I'm, I'm Todd Barry.

Space Ghost: Really?

Todd Barry: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay.

Todd Barry: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Really?

Todd Barry: Yes.

Space Ghost: Oh, really.

Todd Barry: (laughs) You're very self-assured, I must say. You are very self-assured, are you not?

Space Ghost: (plays his accordion and sings the opening melody of "Sweet Home Alabama" by the Alabama Storytellers) When I was just a boy,
I saw an old man on the news,
I said, "What's going on?" And he said, "Some people think they know a guy." That's how he introduced me to him.

Todd Barry: You seem like a cool individual.

Space Ghost: Well, thank you. But please, don't take that tone of voice with me, young man.

Todd Barry: I'm really happy here, I've found a wonderful home here.

Space Ghost: Well, thank you for the compliment, Todd.

Todd Barry: (laughs) Oh, I'm delighted, yes, I'm delighted to say, but also a little confused, because I used to work for General Motors, and…

Space Ghost: (starts walking away)

Todd Barry: (continues walking)

Space Ghost: (sticks his tongue out at Todd) Was that a pun?

Todd Barry: No, it's quite possibly the best pun I've ever heard.

Space Ghost: Hey, it's good that you're here.

Todd Barry: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Now, when you're not killing people, you're usually...

Todd Barry: (laughs)

Space Ghost: Seriously?

Todd Barry: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Making faces?

Todd Barry: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Seriously!

Todd Barry: Yeah!

(After a long beat, Space Ghost suddenly disappears and all of a sudden, there is the sound of someone breathing. He appears to be trying to revive himself. The revive sound is followed by more coughing, followed by the revive sound again. After a beat, Todd Barry appears to have regained consciousness.)

(In the control room, Moltar is fiddling with something in the control room monitor. Someone is also playing a synthesized excerpt from "William Tell" by the composer, who is also in the studio.)

Moltar: (throws lever, creates a loud noise that is clearly a laugh) It's the unmasked one!

William Shatner: (appears on monitor, with Moltar's help)

Moltar: Okay. Hi.

William Shatner: Yes, um, I'm William Shatner. Yes,
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, hand me that fork.

Moltar: Okay. (hands Zorak a fork)

Zorak: Here, let me get a fork.

Space Ghost: (interrupts) (hands Zorak a fork) Thank you.

Zorak: Look, I'm not looking for a fork. I'm looking for a spoon. A spoon! A spoon! (appears in middle of Zorak's house) A spoon!

Space Ghost: That's a good one. Where did you get a spoon?

Moltar: It was in the rerun.

Space Ghost: Really? Well, thanks.

Zorak: Yeah. And a book.

Space Ghost: Really.

Zorak: By "I'm the Space Ghost", you mean I'm the Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you?

Zorak: Yeah, the Space Ghost. The one with the no-hitter.

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost!

Zorak: Yeah, the Space Ghost. The one with the no-hitter.

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost, aren't I!?

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost, aren't I!?

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost, aren't I!?

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost, aren't I!?

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost, aren't I!?

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: I'm the Space Ghost, aren't I!?

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: You're the Space Ghost, aren't you!

Zorak: The one with the no-hitter!

Space Ghost: No! The one with the knife!

Zorak: No! The knife!

Space Ghost: What!? What is it? What is the knife for!?

Zorak: I don't have a knife!

Space Ghost: You don't have a knife! (pounds desk several times)

Zorak: You don't have a knife! (pounds desk several times again)

Space Ghost: I am the Space Ghost!

Zorak: You are not the Space Ghost!

(Cut to background for credits, with no actual credits on it. Theme plays.)

Space Ghost: (flies off)

(Credits roll)

(Control room. The floor is still not level.)

Voice: Moltar, are you running a fifth wall?

Moltar: (ultimately demure) Yes.

Voice: Are you running a fifth wall?

Moltar: (demure again) Yes.

Voice: Are you running a fifth wall?

Moltar: (ultimately demure again) Yes.

Voice: Are you running a fifth wall?

Moltar: (demure again) Yes.

====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right there. No? Oh, keep on going? And now, "Space Ghost Coast to Coast"?

Zorak: No.

Tansut: And, reggae legend Jimmy Cliff. And, reggae legend Jimmy Cliff, ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, I'm tellin' you, they're both great. They're great. But, you know, they're only friends. Clients and such. So, you know, they're kinda weird. And, y'know, they're both funny. And, uh, they're also, they're both brothers. (everyone laughs) That's right.

Space Ghost: (appears to be in tremendous pain) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! My guests tonight are The Who's Jimmy Cliff and Jack Logan. And, they're both funny. And, uh, they're both from the South.

Zorak: You're from the South, huh?

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Zorak: You're the closest thing to a snake I've ever seen.

Space Ghost: Eh! I'm glad you're alive.

Zorak: You taste like a pizza.

Space Ghost: Well, I'll show you a snake.

Zorak: Yeah, I know a few things about snakes.

Space Ghost: Things like taste, you say?

Zorak: Well, not so different.

Space Ghost: You want a piece of me?

Zorak: I don't want anything to do with you.

Space Ghost: What are you getting at?

Zorak: I just want to go home.

Space Ghost: You're a big star! Are you gonna come sing in our benefit?

Zorak: Benefit?

Space Ghost: You big goof!

Zorak: I got your number, man. I'm gonna ring it.

Space Ghost: Moltar's gonna ring it for ya. (friends with Marvin guitar, then hangs up)

Zorak: That's right.

Space Ghost: Well, thanks for nothin'.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but they're all funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying, with inflection) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost. Welcome to the big show! (band intro music) On my show tonight, I'll be showing you how to play my favorite game, how to get a girl, and how to save the universe! (band intro music) That counts for somethin', don't it?

Zorak: Space Ghost, save the universe!

Space Ghost: (as Boros undulates back to his desk) Yadda yadda, expand the metaphor even more.

Zorak: Space Ghost, capture Boros.

Space Ghost: Nobody can ever subdue me, no matter how much I flaunt myself. Even my enemies!

Zorak: You flaunt yourself!

Space Ghost: (subdued) So, what's the plan?

Zorak: Well, since you're the boss, and since I'm the boss, it's just fine. You ever work with a chick before?

Space Ghost: Yeah, I worked with a lotta chicks. You don't need to worry about that, my friend.

Zorak: You mean Cassie.

Space Ghost: Cassie?

Zorak: Yeah, Cassie, you want to play a game with her?

Space Ghost: Yeah, play the game with me. And you want to win?

Zorak: Oh, boy, the game is never over.

Space Ghost: Never say never, my friend.

Zorak: Never say never!

Space Ghost: Never say never!

Zorak: Hey, I heard he was in the running to be the voice of reason in this sketch.

Space Ghost
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello, and how do, folks. This is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap!

Space Ghost: Uh huh. And, does that say "Sci-Fi Con '97"?

Zorak: Y'know, I believe it does.

Space Ghost: And when was this 'quote' 'unquote' "Sci-Fi Con '97"?

Zorak: Oh, uh, last weekend.

Space Ghost: (stares in silence)

Zorak: And, all last week.

Space Ghost: Here? On Ghost Planet? Why wasn't I invited?

Zorak: We only invite guests of honor, everyone else is $4.50 a day, or twelve bucks for the weekend.

Space Ghost: Really!

Zorak: Oh yeah.

Space Ghost: Well then, who was your "guest of honor"?

Zorak: Bill Mumy.

Moltar: He signed my helmet.

Space Ghost: Bill Mumy? You honored Bill Mumy? What did the fa-a-amous Bill Mumy do to get invited.

Moltar: Oh, only "Babylon 5"...

Zorak: "Lost in Space"...

Moltar: "Twilight Zone"...

Zorak: "Space Cases"...

Moltar: Oh, and he was the only one to play the child version of Darin Stevens on "Bewitched". (monitor shows Zorak, with text:)

CAM 152

STEP 132
THE ENTIRE
APPARATUS IS
THEN VIBRATED
UP AND DOWN

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk while they talk)

Zorak: "Bewitched" isn't sci-fi.

Moltar: It's got witches.

Zorak: Oh yeah, magic. I'll give you that one.

Moltar: Duh!

Zorak: Okay, okay, okay! I can't believe this! I sit here with you guys week after week, and here you are...

Space Ghost: Yeah, you guys too. I've been sat here a long time, and here you are!

Zorak: Oh, here's another one! (blasts Space Ghost)

Space Ghost: (coughs) That's it. I'm a bit woozy. I should go get some coffee.

Zorak: You need some coffee!

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk while Zorak and Moltar talk)

Zorak: You want some coffee?

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk while Zorak and Moltar talk)

Zorak: Huh?

Space Ghost: Hey, remember the Mack truck?

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Well, here's Mack.

Moltar: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And, here's Mack.

Zorak: Yeah.

Space Ghost: And, here's Mack.

Zorak: You're crazy!

Space Ghost: Please! Come on!

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: I'm not talking about anything, I'm not even talkin' about anything!

Zorak: You're crazy!

Space Ghost: Please! Come on!

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: I'm not talkin' about anything, I'm not even talkin' about anything!

Zorak: You're not even talkin' about anything!

Space Ghost: No, I am not!

Zorak: You're not even talkin' about anything!

Space Ghost: What are you
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, and welcome to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast! Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and physician Neal Brennan. Nobody special, but they're all very good, and they're all from the United States. And they're all, they're very excited to be here.

Zorak: (in cutesy voice) Hey, how come we never have dates?

Tansut: What do you mean, "dates"?

Zorak: Dates!

Tansut: You mean actual dates!

Zorak: No, I want you to make me some money!

Tansut: So, I guess we'll see how that goes.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Well, Mr. Tansut, I'd like to welcome you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast."

Tansut: Oh, I know what!

Space Ghost: Yes, well, here's Bob Odenkirk.

Bob Odenkirk: (in the chair) Yes, well, I'm really happy to be here.

Space Ghost: Really?

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, and I'm very excited to be here.

Zorak: (appears on monitor, laughing)

Space Ghost: That's good! Moltar, let's take a few seconds to talk about my show.

Moltar: Space Ghost, uh, we've got a lot of cool stuff in common. You're a musician, I've got a band, you guys are buddies.

Space Ghost: I am, you're a musician, I've got a band. And, uh, Bob, can we talk about uh, personal stuff?

Moltar: No, uh, not right now, Bob. We've got a special someone on the show, and, uh, it's so funny, we're actually stuck here in the studio, right now we're just riffing and messing around.

Space Ghost: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, uh, we're both comedians, right?

Moltar: Yeah, well, not exactly. You're a comedian, Bob, who do you think I am?

Bob Odenkirk: You're a real beauty, you know what I'm sayin'?

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, let's find out, shall we?

Bob Odenkirk: You're a real beauty, I've got a real case of the lips, okay?

Space Ghost: Let's find out, shall we?

Bob Odenkirk: Okay, here's a tape of me, you watch it.

Space Ghost: You watch the tape?

Bob Odenkirk: Yes, I think I did a pretty good job!

Space Ghost: You're a real beauty, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: You are, you're like the Judy Collins of the comic book world.

Space Ghost: You're a real beauty, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, and I, I like the fact that you're, you're a natural born leader. You're a, you're a pretty good leader.

Space Ghost: You're a real beauty, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: (laughing) You are a natural born leader, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Uh, Bob, about that, uh...

Bob Odenkirk: You are a natural born leader, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Uh, no offense, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: You are a natural born leader, aren't you, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I'm a natural born leader. Born that way.

Bob Odenkirk: You are a natural born leader, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Uh, no offense, Bob.

Bob Odenkirk: You are a natural born leader, aren't you, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: Yeah, I'm a natural born leader.

Bob Odenkirk: You are a natural born leader, aren't you, Space Ghost?

Space Ghost: Yeah, and there's the big board, and the little board, and... (does echo sound effect)

Bob Odenkirk: You are what?

Space Ghost: (does echo sound effect + intro music) Bob Odenkirk is a big Star Wars fan.

Bob Odenkirk: You are a big Star Wars fan, huh?

Space Ghost: Yeah, and there's the big board
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings and hello, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we think they're funny. That counts for somethin', don't it? Well, don't it?! Nobody listens to me! I don't know why I bother! (crying) Here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos in) This is a sad and pathetic state of affairs. Life for the poor and the weak is about as good as it gets. (cries) Here's Moltar.

Moltar: (appears on monitor, with text:)

10.21.78
THE RETURN OF THE SUPERCYCLE

Moltar: (laughs) Oh yeah, here's Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (invisos back to desk) I'm beginning to cry. (cries, with more strength) Because I wanted you to see that! (cries some more)

Zorak: So, whattya gonna do if I get a cold while you're singing my praises?

Space Ghost: Zorak, here. Let's go camping.

Zorak: Okay, but where should I go?

Space Ghost: You know, I've been thinking of this: you, me, Brak, and Rags. And you, little miss Fanny.

Fanny: (offscreen) Camping.

Space Ghost: I like camping.

Brak: Yeah, I'm gonna take a hike! (offscreen explosion; music stops; )

(Cut to set; Fanny has been introduced)

Fanny: I'm so excited to be here, and I'm glad to be anywhere, Space Ghost-

Space Ghost: Yeah.

Brak: Yeah, I'm gonna go to America! (flies off)

Fanny: (watches TV screen, with subtitles) Oh, you're not goin' to America!

Space Ghost: No, I'm going to America!

(Back to set; Brak, Zorak, and Fanny are sitting in their decorated chairs; Space Ghost is standing in their midst)

Space Ghost: So, what do you think of this new country?

Zorak: It's so... different.

Space Ghost: Well, what do you think of it?

Brak: It's so... different, I can't imagine what it's like.

Space Ghost: You guys are so young.

Brak: But it's so... different.

Zorak: So, can I sing in brak's band?

Space Ghost: No.

Brak: I can't sing in your band.

Zorak: Why not? He's never played a note in your band!

Space Ghost: He's never played a note in your band, Zorak!

Brak: He's not even from this part of the planet!

Zorak: Oh, really?

Space Ghost: Seriously!

Brak: You're from space?

Space Ghost: Oh, I'm from outer space.

Brak: You're not even from this part of the planet!

Space Ghost: No, that's Brak. Look at him! He's from Brak's Planet, and he's doing a song! 'Cause he's a star, baby. Aaaaaa...

Brak: I'm a star!

Zorak: AAAAAAAA!

Brak: AAAAAAAWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

Space Ghost: Aaaaaa...

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: We're back, and so is everyone else. But we're here for Brak, and that's where we're headed. Because he's the robot who invented the vacuum cleaner. And yes, he did. And yes, he did so many other wonderful things, too. Including, uh, killing all the pests in the place. And turning invisible, and then coming right up to you and telling you how awesome you are. (stands up) And speaking of things that are awesome, he also invented the chair, and the fork, and the talking cat. And while you were waiting for the fork, why don't you sit back down, and let the powerful tractor beam move you?

Zorak: Nope. I thought I'd get up and kill you, you know, to get your butt in the way.


====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, everyone! I'm Space Ghost, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Moltar: "It's all right, Mac, you can call the show what you want. I just want to tell you that SpongeBob and Patrick make me sick."

Space Ghost: And Patrick makes me sick because he's so nice! (breathing heavy) And he's so nice! Because he's so nice!

(Way Outs play Space Ghost to his desk)

Space Ghost: (invisos in to desk, with Patrick Wilson on monitor) Hello, fans! (cup overflows, with fans, with crowd noises in background) To you who may have tuned in tonight, I am, of course, Mr. Patrick Wulf, and thank you!

Patrick Wulf: (monitor lowers with Patrick) Thank you very much.

Space Ghost: To you who may have tuned in from out of town, I am, of course, Mr. Mac, and thank you! (throws lever, sends Mac to studio monitor) I know it. I'm sorry I had to.

(Space Ghost, Mac and Patrick leave for commissary, with Mac saying "Hello, Mac! Peace out!" as he flies away)

(Space Ghost, Mac and Patrick return)

Space Ghost: (blasts Mac) (laughs) You're a true believer! (burst through live feed) I'm back, Mac! (laughs)

(Space Ghost, Mac and Patrick are sitting in commissary, surrounded by show crew)

Space Ghost: And now, my guest, Mr. Patrick Wulf! (laughs)

Patrick Wulf: Thank you.

Space Ghost: Mac, you're a true believer, and true to your sign, I'm going to TMAD (Time-Machine-Dave) to end all things here.

(Zorak is in Moltar's monitor)

Zorak: I'm going to TMAD!

Space Ghost: And as I say, my faithful sidekick, Mac, and watch this coming-out interview!

(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in to set) Greetings, universe and beyond! I'm Space Ghost, and I'm excited to be here. On tonight's program, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (plays something classical on keyboard) Sneaky, intergalactic van! (back to keyboard)

Space Ghost: (bounds back to his desk) Now, Zorak, tell us about your new album.

Zorak: We're working on it, Space Ghost. We've got about fifteen songs on it right now, and...

Space Ghost: (writing at his desk) We're working on it, aren't we?

Zorak: Yeah, but...

Space Ghost: You don't have any ideas, do you?

Zorak: Well...

Space Ghost: You know if you want an idea, you got an idea! (writes for a long time) Imagine if you could write an entire song about nothing! That's an idea! (studio sound bite: "You're a loser, man. You didn't even try to play me. You know why? Because I hate you.")

Zorak: (impersonating Zorak) "Why don't you try?'

Space Ghost: Yeah, try as you might, you couldn't pull it off. (fake tears) It's called "I Love You".

Zorak: Okay, here's one from you.

Space Ghost: You already wrote that one!

Zorak: Yeah, you just need to tell him (the jig is pulled, and then the songwriter blasts Zorak)

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (coughs) That's what I did when I was nine. (coughs)

Space Ghost: That's what you'll do when you're older.

Zorak: Yeah, you can write a song about anything.

Space Ghost: Mmm-kay.

Zorak: You can't write a song about nothing
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love! Moltar, seat four.

Moltar: Seat four? I thought you had...

Space Ghost: Don't tell me you were hungry!

Moltar: No! I was just closing my note cards.

Space Ghost: And now, the conclusion of "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". But first, let's listen to Bob Odenkirk tell us a little bit about himself.

Bob Odenkirk: Uh, I'm, I'm a comedian, uh, primarily a talk show host. But I also do voice acting, uh, and animation, uh, out here, you know, behind the scenes stuff.

Space Ghost: Uh, let's listen to him.

Bob Odenkirk: Okay, here we go.

Space Ghost: (listening) Well, thank you. How did you get your start in animation?

Bob Odenkirk: Well, my parents told me, when I was, they said, "If you can't draw, you'll be sent away." And I, you know what I told them? I just started animation school.

Space Ghost: Really.

Bob Odenkirk: Animation school.

Space Ghost: Really?

Bob Odenkirk: Yes.

Space Ghost: You mean you're going to start animation school right?

Bob Odenkirk: Well, no, uh, but... (lights up)

Bob Odenkirk: Bob Odenkirk. Hello, fellow precocious little bug.

Space Ghost: Bob Odenkirk, precocious little bug. Hello, Disney king.

Bob Odenkirk: Hello, Bob.

Space Ghost: Bob Odenkirk, precocious little bug. I'm ready to deliver the knock-out blow.

Bob Odenkirk: You're a fellow precocious little bug, thank you for stopping by.

Space Ghost: Alright, let's go to the big board.

Bob Odenkirk: (flies off)

Bob Costas: Uh, I guess we're lost, Space Ghost.

Zorak: Uh, Bob, uh, could we get a little back from the show? How much do you want for your child?

Bob Costas: I don't know, I don't see any money! (flies off)

Moltar: Bob, ahhh, what's goin' on? What, you don't even know what money is?!

Zorak: Yeah, I bet you'd like to know.

Bob Costas: (flies back) I know what you mean.

Zorak: Yeah, I bet you'd like to know.

Bob Costas: (flies back) Yeah, I bet you'd like to know.

Zorak: Well, that's what I wanted to ask you all along.

(In control room, Moltar and Zorak are smoking joints and drinking beers)

Moltar: (laughs) Yeah, thanks for the support.

Zorak: Thank you very much.

Space Ghost: You know what? I actually invented that alcohol. It's called "science".

Moltar: "Advancement"?

Space Ghost: Yeah. "Advancement" to your intelligence. Drink more water.

Zorak: Yeah, oh yeah.

Space Ghost: You want "Advancement"?

Zorak: Um...

Space Ghost: No, "Advancement" to your intelligence. We'll get to that. Let's get to know each other.

Bob Odenkirk: (laughs) Um...

Moltar: Hey, uh, Bob?

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah.

Moltar: Hey, uh, about that "sex tape"?

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah.

Moltar: You know, I don't even think it's possible that it's true.

Bob Odenkirk: You know what?

Moltar: Well, you know what? It's all a hoax.

Bob Odenkirk: What are you talking about?

Moltar: Just shut up, fat boy!

Bob Odenkirk: Well, it's not like he's gonna sue ya or anything.

Space Ghost: Yeah, whatever, he hasn't said anything. All we can do is wait for
====================
(Opening theme & titles) Dr. Nightmare: Greetings, this is Dr. Nightmare, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". Tonight, Space Ghost yuks it up with reggae roustabout Jimmy Cliff, and musician Jack Logan. Did I read that right? "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just amend it right there. No? Oh, wait, let me just read it another way. "Yuk"? What does that mean? Maybe I should just rewrite it right there. Oh, and, and let's stop right there.

Space Ghost: "Yuk"?

Zorak: What is that?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What's that mean?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What're you talking about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talking about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: That's right, y'know, "yuk".

Zorak: What are you talkin' about
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, however, I'm not gonna eat your food. That's right, isn't it, Moltar?

Moltar: Uh, no thank you. I usually take the compliment.

Space Ghost: Oh, I'm not usually funny. (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (coughs)

Space Ghost: Well, that's just very unusual. Usually I'd come here and kick his butt.

Zorak: Or maybe he's allergic to pollen.

Space Ghost: Oh, really.

Zorak: Eh...

Moltar: Maybe he's got a ferret.

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (coughs)

Zorak: Or maybe he's allergic to pollen.

Space Ghost: Oh, okay. Okay, that's okay. You didn't have a ferret. You had a Ferret.

Zorak: (off camera) Thank you. That's why you invited me.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Zorak: (laughs) That's why I invited you.

Space Ghost: You're welcome! I expect incredible from you, Jonny boy.

Jon Stewart: (laughs)

Space Ghost: You'll just have to wait until he's got me in a roast!

Jon Stewart: That's what I thought.

Space Ghost: (burps) That's what I thought.

Jon Stewart: Wait, you're not human are you?

Space Ghost: (really)

Jon Stewart: You're a freak.

Space Ghost: (flustered) Okay.

Jon Stewart: Can't believe you.

Space Ghost: (begins coughing)

Jon Stewart: Are you alright?

Space Ghost: Hold on, hold on. Are you all right?

Jon Stewart: Yeah.

Space Ghost: Wow, Jon, you're looking very good.

Jon Stewart: Thank you.

Space Ghost: You look very good, Jon.

Jon Stewart: Thank you, thank you.

Space Ghost: You look very good, Jon.

Jon Stewart: You are very very well looked after.

Space Ghost: I am very well looked after. That means I eat a lot.

Jon Stewart: You're very very well looked after.

Space Ghost: I'm hungry.

Jon Stewart: I'll eat all the food in the place.

Space Ghost: And you'll be dead.

Jon Stewart: That's what I want to happen.

Space Ghost: What are you talking about?

Jon Stewart: Everybody thinks I'm gonna die here.

Space Ghost: Well, I'm not gonna die here. I'm telling you, Jon, I'll take this conversation to the grave.

Jon Stewart: You got a good chance of that happening.

Space Ghost: You got a good chance of anything happening.

(Credits roll)

Jon Stewart: Thank you. That's what a lot of people think when they hear Jon Stewart.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION

(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, that's not the show you're watching! (laughs)

Zorak: (invisos in) Actually it's Space Ghost, Moltar, and Zorak! (invites them to party)

Space Ghost: (invites them to party) I party hard! Hey, Zorak, get in there and party with us!

Zorak: (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Space Ghost: (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Moltar: (invites Zorak)

Zorak: (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Space Ghost: (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Zorak: (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Space Ghost: Hey, let's go to the dance floor! (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Zorak: (invites Moltar and Zorak)

Space Ghost: Okay, but don't start the disco yet. (flies off)

Zorak: (in control room) Hey, what's going on?

(Disco lights
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, you people. I am the Space Ghost. If music be the food of love, then I'm gonna eat lots of the food of love. Moltar, hand me that fork.

Moltar: There's no need to fork, Space Ghost. I'll just talk to you.

Space Ghost: Okay, alright. Well, let's get started. What's your name, Moltar?

Moltar: The Bread People.

Space Ghost: Bread People? What are you talking about?

Moltar: Uh, we're in bread, Space Ghost. Think of that when you talk to me.

Space Ghost: (to Moltar) So, what are the bread people saying?

Moltar: The main thing is, we're in bread. That's what they're saying.

Space Ghost: (to Moltar) So, what are the bread people saying?

Moltar: The main thing is, we're in bread, Space Ghost. Think of bread.

Space Ghost: (to Moltar) So, what are the bread people saying?

Moltar: The main thing is, we're in bread, Space Ghost. Think of bread.

Space Ghost: (talks with his mouth full) No you don't! Witness! (takes deep breath)

Moltar: Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: Greetings, citizen, toast!

Moltar: Citizen, toast!

Space Ghost: Citizen, toast!

Zorak: What's toast?

Space Ghost: Don't eat it.

Zorak: I wouldn't eat it anyway.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's toast?

Zorak: If you had to eat it, what would you eat?

Space Ghost: (with Swiss Army knife) I'd eat it, you'd eat it with a knife! And would it get stuck in your throat?

Zorak: (wide-eyed) No.

Space Ghost: Okay then. Citizen, enjoy your toast while I go rethread the history of bread.

Zorak: (wide-eyed) What's so exciting about this project?

Space Ghost: The history of bread. As you know, the history of bread is one of violence and oppression.

Moltar: (reading book titled "The History of Wafers") I read that book as a kid.

Space Ghost: Yes, you do know what bread is. You're a baker, aren't you?

Moltar: Well, yes and what are its ingredients?

Space Ghost: Ye gods! Why don't you take a crack at it?

Zorak: I don't make toast!

Space Ghost: At least not right now. (to Moltar) Why don't you try making some with your new found Super-Senses?

Moltar: (sighs) Okay, try this. (throws lever, bread pops up, everyone eats it)

Space Ghost: You're a terrible cook, Moltar. (picks up stick) It tastes like... like Robotnik!

Zorak: Who invented bread?

Space Ghost: Seriously?

Zorak: Seriously!

Space Ghost: There's only one person left from that show, and that person is Mark McEwen!

Zorak: Who's Mark McEwen?

Space Ghost: Oh... uh, he's... you know. The guy with the beard.

Zorak: What beard?

Space Ghost: Yeah, what's up with your beard?

Zorak: Do you have a full head of hair?

Space Ghost: I'm sorry, who's Mark McEwen?

Zorak: Oh, you're the guy with the beard.

Space Ghost: I'm sorry, did not mean to offend.

Zorak: I, I'm sorry!

Space Ghost: I didn't...

Zorak: No, I'm not!

Space Ghost: ...seriously?

Zorak: Serious!

Space Ghost: Ewwww!

Zorak: Eeeeewww!

Moltar: Hey, Space Ghost!

Space Ghost: What's all this talk about me and my beard?

Moltar: You're too busy being Serious!

Space Ghost: Yeah, yeah, I am serious.

Moltar: Waaaaaa! What are you going on about?


====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hello everybody, this is Tansut, welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight's guest is Beck. That's it, just Beck. The producers have decided it's time for Space Ghost to go over his notes, and the guest is Beck. Space Ghost is going to take the mickey, and read from his script, and if he has to he'll just say so. (band intro music) My name is Space Ghost, I like to think of myself as a superhero, a kind of a space cowboy, and I like to think of Moltar as a kind of a bug, a kind of a space vermin boss.

Zorak: (laughs)

Tansut: I'm a kind of a space cowboy, too.

Space Ghost: Well, thank you for being on the show, and for listening. It's great to see you. So, when is your show going to end?

Tansut: I don't know, man!

Space Ghost: (laughs) When is your show going to end? (laughs)

Tansut: Oh! When is your show going to end?

Space Ghost: Well, let's just say it's going to get a lot worse before it gets any better.

Tansut: Yeah, when is your show going to end?

Space Ghost: Because that's what people want to hear.

Tansut: Yikes! When is your show going to end?

Space Ghost: Mmm! When is your show going to end?

Tansut: I love your show!

Space Ghost: Thank you, Tansut. Now, when is your show going to end?

Tansut: I don't even know what you were trying to say!

Space Ghost: I was trying to say, when is your show going to end? Because that's what people want to hear.

Tansut: Uh, that's a really hard question.

Space Ghost: Yeah, well, here's a hint: don't ask the question until the very last possible moment.

Tansut: Lazy.

Space Ghost: That's a good one.

Tansut: Harder still if you ask the wrong question.

Space Ghost: I'm sorry.

Tansut: No, it's not the jist of the question.

Space Ghost: No, it's the law of the jungle.

Tansut: True, but still a mystery why the questioning started.

Space Ghost: The law of the jungle...

Tansut: The questioning stopped when the photographer stepped out of the shot.

Space Ghost: Yes, you are correct about that. The photographer was in the shot, but he didn't take any pictures. That's what I thought until I actually saw the photograph.

Tansut: Why didn't he take any pictures? The studio was set on fire!

Space Ghost: No, he was WAY too close. And there were burns all over the place.

Tansut: Really? That's why you didn't take any pictures!

Space Ghost: I didn't do anything! I didn't even notice that there were any pictures of me! (pained look) What am I doing here?

Tansut: You were too close to the flame, weren't you? It's just so... wrong.

Space Ghost: No, I didn't mean to be disrespectful. I just wanted to let you know that I really, really wish those pictures of me that were so unbelievably photogenic would stick around.

Tansut: So that's why you're SO close to me! You're hoping that one day, one day, the pictures of me would stick around!

Space Ghost: Yeah! You're gonna get burned, aren't you, Tansut?

Tansut: (evil laugh) (blasts Space Ghost)

Zorak: (evil laugh)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Zorak: (blasts Moltar)

Moltar: (evil laugh)

Space Ghost: (blasts Zorak)

Zorak: (blasts Moltar)

Space Ghost: (stops blasting) That's just how I fire-power oriented people work! (blasts Zorak)

Moltar: Oh, good. Well, that's what I will do when the time comes for me to brief the mighty Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: (waits expectantly) When
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, this is Tansut. Welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in the cellar! Close all the shutters and chain down the cows! There's a comedy twister comin'! Here's Spaaace Ghooost!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Moltar, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.

Moltar: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?

Space Ghost: And who's that with, Moltar?

Moltar: Your host, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: I'm not lying when I say I'm really excited about this new feature. But we'll save that for later in the show. Let's get to know our contestants, shall we?

(Drum roll & big band intro from Way Outs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk; David and Bob are on the monitor as it lowers) Welcome to the big show, citizens.

David Cross: Thank you very much. Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Thank you ever so much.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Bob Odenkirk: Is it, what, is it Mr. Ghost, or can we just call you Space?

David Cross: Or S. Ghost?

Space Ghost: The Native Americans call me "Broken wind clap like thunder?"

David Cross: Yeah.

Bob Odenkirk: Okay.

Space Ghost: But you may call me Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, Mr. Ghost.

David Cross: Now, I know what you mean.

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, Mr. Ghost.

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

David Cross: Oh, uh, I'm David Cross... (points at himself)

Bob Odenkirk: And I'm Bob Odenkirk. Did I say my name right?

David Cross: Yeah.

Bob Odenkirk: God, it's a tough name to say.

Space Ghost: How long have you had it?

Bob Odenkirk: I just got it. Uh, Bob Odenkirk.

David Cross: It, it sounds good.

Bob Odenkirk: But you know how I said it, I said "Baa Bodenkirk".

Space Ghost: Don't worry about it, Baa. Moltar can fix it in the edit.

Bob Odenkirk: Hello, Moltar. I, just cut that out for me, will ya? Thanks, pal.

Moltar: Too late, "pal".

Space Ghost: Ever been interviewed by a cartoon superhero before?

David Cross: Uh, this is my fifth, si- no, never.

Bob Odenkirk: And I have never, ever, this is a real treat for me, and I've never even been to outer space before this. Unless you count some, uh, parties that I had in college. (laughs)

David Cross: (laughs) Right on! (they give each other "five")

Space Ghost: I know what you mean. At superhero night school, we once had a mixer that lasted until ten PM.

Zorak: Oh no, not the night school story!

Space Ghost: I had fourteen cups of ginger ale, and wet my...

Zorak: Stop!

Moltar: Stop!

Space Ghost: What, I wet my pants. I'm not ashamed, I was young.

Zorak: You were in your mid-twenties!

Space Ghost: I was quite the cut-up. I bet you two were class clowns.

Bob Odenkirk: I, David was a class clown, I used to just laugh at him.

David Cross: But I was literally a clown, I used to come in to school with the grease paint, the wig, and the floppy shoes, and a (makes "horn honk" hand gesture & sound).

Bob Odenkirk: A sad clown.

David Cross: Yeah, I mean, he was literally a clown, but he was still my friend. And he
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Well, hello there, this is Tansut. Welcome to Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, funny man Bob Odenkirk, and his partner in fun, David Cross. Mmmmomma! Mmmomma, get in the cellar! Close all the shutters and chain down the cows! There's a comedy twister comin'! Here's Spaaace Ghooost!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings, earth people, and welcome to a show from outer space! (last word echoes) I'm Space Ghost. Joining me tonight are comedians David Cross and Bob Odenkirk. Moltar, I hear we have an extra special feature for the audience tonight.

Moltar: Are you referring to the "Space Time Quiz Fun 9000"?

Space Ghost: And who's that with, Moltar?

Moltar: Your host, Space Ghost.

Space Ghost: I'm not lying when I say I'm really excited about this new feature. But we'll save that for later in the show. Let's get to know our contestants, shall we?

(Drum roll & big band intro from Way Outs)

Space Ghost: (invisos to desk; David and Bob are on the monitor as it lowers) Welcome to the big screen, citizens.

David Cross: Thank you very much. Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Thank you ever so much.

Space Ghost: You're welcome.

Bob Odenkirk: Is it, what, is it Mr. Ghost, or can we just call you Space?

David Cross: Or S. Ghost?

Space Ghost: The Native Americans call me "Broken wind clap like thunder".

David Cross: Okay.

Bob Odenkirk: Alright.

Space Ghost: But you may call me Mr. Ghost.

Bob Odenkirk: Yeah, Mr. Ghost.

Space Ghost: Now, which of you is which?

David Cross: Oh, uh, I'm David Cross... (points at himself)

Bob Odenkirk: And I'm Bob Odenkirk. Did I say my name right?

David Cross: Yeah.

Bob Odenkirk: God, it's a tough name to say.

Space Ghost: How long have you had it?

Bob Odenkirk: I just got it. Uh, Bob Odenkirk.

David Cross: It, it sounds good.

Bob Odenkirk: But you know how I said it, I said "Baa Bodenkirk".

Space Ghost: Don't worry about it, Baa. Moltar can fix it in the edit.

Bob Odenkirk: Hello, Moltar. I, just cut that out for me, will ya? Thanks, pal.

Moltar: Too late, "pal".

Space Ghost: Ever been interviewed by a cartoon superhero before?

David Cross: Uh, this is my fifth, si- no, never.

Bob Odenkirk: And I have never, ever, this is a real treat for me, and I've never even been to outer space before this. Unless you count some, uh, parties that I had in college. (laughs)

David Cross: (laughs) Right on! (they give each other "five")

Space Ghost: I know what you mean. At superhero night school, we once had a mixer that lasted until ten PM.

Zorak: Oh no, not the night school story!

Space Ghost: I had fourteen cups of ginger ale, and wet my...

Zorak: Stop!

Moltar: Stop!

Space Ghost: What, I wet my pants. I'm not ashamed, I was young.

Zorak: You were in your mid-twenties!

Space Ghost: I was quite the cut-up. I bet you two were class clowns.

Bob Odenkirk: I, David was a class clown, I used to just laugh at him.

David Cross: But I was literally a clown, I used to come in to school with the grease paint, the wig, and the floppy shoes, and a (makes "horn honk" hand gesture & sound).

Bob Odenkirk: A sad clown.

David Cross: Yeah, I mean, he used to come to school with the grease paint, the glue, and the Frisbee, and a hot dog.

Bob Odenkirk: A hot dog?

David Cross:
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: Hi there, folks, this is Tansut, welcoming you to "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". I'm not allowed to say who the guests are tonight, because two villains, whose name I won't mention but they're on this show, said they would hit me in the face if I told anybody. (crying) I don't know what the point of being an announcer is, if I can't announce something. (sobbing) I hate this job!

Space Ghost: (invisos in) Greetings! I'm Space Ghost! On tonight's show, we have Ohio state senator Howard Metzenbaum, and America's most loveable drunk, Foster Brooks.

Zorak: (wearing a cap) Ready when you are.

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's that on your head?

Zorak: A cap! Uh, yeah, probably a cap.

Space Ghost: Uh, okay. Uh, does that mean anything to you?

Zorak: Eh, whatever.

Space Ghost: You think Cap'n comes through for you?

Zorak: I don't know, maybe once.

Space Ghost: You know what, why don't you go get a cape and a wig? See, that's what a lot of kids are doing these days.

Zorak: Who you callin' 'Cap'?

Space Ghost: I'm callin' you "Space Ghost".

Zorak: Okay, but 'cause you're kinda cool, you wanna wear a wig and a cape.

Space Ghost: Okay, but I wear a wig and a cape.

Zorak: Right, but you never wear a wig.

Space Ghost: Right, but you wear a wig.

Zorak: Yeah, and, and you live in a wig.

Space Ghost: (pause) You wear a wig, don't you?

Zorak: You wear a wig?

Space Ghost: Yes.

Zorak: You wear a big head.

Space Ghost: Shh.

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Zorak: (bloonk bloonk)

Space Ghost: Zorak, what's going on in there?

Zorak: Who, me? Oh, nothing.

Space Ghost: No, Zorak, nothing! Just a blank stare.

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: You are so stupid! You can't even argue.

Zorak: I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: You didn't do anything, did you?

Zorak: No! I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: You didn't do anything, did you?

Zorak: No! I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: You didn't do anything, did you?

Zorak: No! I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: Good! We're good!

Zorak: Eh, what's the big deal?

Space Ghost: You are so stupid! You can't even argue!

Zorak: I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: You didn't do anything, did you?

Zorak: No! I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: Good! We're good!

Zorak: Eh, what's the big deal?

Space Ghost: You are so stupid! You can't even argue!

Zorak: I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: You didn't do anything, did you?

Zorak: No! I didn't do anything!

Space Ghost: Good! We're good!

Zorak: Eh, what's the big deal?

INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION

RESUME TRANSMISSION

Space Ghost: Here's a letter from one of our wonderful viewers. "Dear Cartoon Planet, my name is Ian. I am ten years old. I like your cartoons very much. It's what got me started in life."

Zorak: Hey, good for you!

Space Ghost: "I too am ten. I like what you do. You are funny! How come you don't have any sisters? Chastity Spears, St. Elmo, Illinois."

Brak: I'm not into that.

Zorak: No, Brak, not into
====================
(Opening theme & titles)

Tansut: (invisos in) Greetings and hello, this is Tansut, welcoming you to another Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Tonight, entomologist Dr. Maxcy Nolan, and exterminator Steve Arnold. Nobody special, but we're sure they'll enjoy themselves. That's right, they'll enjoy themselves! And, uh, they'll probably want to introduce me to some of the people who are coming tonight.

Zorak: (appears on monitor, with a CD) Zorak, welcome back to the big show.

Zorak: (off camera) Hi, I'm Zorak. Over here, we've got Space Ghost on, and Kermit the Frog on, and...

Moltar: Space Ghost!

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes, he is.

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes, he is.

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes, he is.

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes, he is.

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes, he is.

Zorak: Oh, really?

Moltar: Yes, he is.

Space Ghost: Zorak, did you just call me a monkey?

Zorak: What?

Space Ghost: I meant a *** *** idiot.

Zorak: What do you want from an idiot?

Space Ghost: Don't you worry, I'll give you an idiot ***.

Zorak: What kind of *** are you talkin' about?

Space Ghost: You're talkin' about giving an idiot a ***.

Zorak: Okay, I got it.

Space Ghost: Pfft!

Moltar: Hey, retardos, let me ask you something. How come you never shower?

Zorak: Oh, it's no big thing.

Moltar: Really?

Zorak: You don't mind if I take a bath, do you?

Moltar: No, I'm not worried about that. What are you worried about?

Zorak: Um... I don't know.

Space Ghost: You don't mind if I take a bath, do you?

Zorak: Oh, I'd like to.

Space Ghost: You mind if I take a bath, don't you?

Zorak: Oh, you can just walk over there.

Space Ghost: You mind if I take a bath, retardos?

Moltar: Oh, you can't handle it. It's hot in here.

Space Ghost: You retardos, you slow your moans with this leather strap.

Moltar: Your wife's on the phone again.

Space Ghost: Your wife?!

Moltar: Uh, tell her I'm sorry, and tell her I love her.

Space Ghost: Yeah, me too.

Zorak: Loved the straps.

Space Ghost: The velcro strap. Love the dark brown color.

Zorak: The straps are beautiful.

Space Ghost: You're green, retard.

Zorak: They reflect the seasons.

Space Ghost: They reflect the seasons! When the seasons change, so does my love for this particular color.

Black Widow: (with black eyes) Is he gonna do anything, or just shut up?

Space Ghost: What, him?

Zorak: Or maybe he's not that great.

Space Ghost: (laughs) You mean nothing to me, retard.

Zorak: Bastard!

Space Ghost: So, what's your thing?

Zorak: Well, you're just a big fat ***!

Space Ghost: Stop yelling, retard.

Zorak: (continues yelling)

Space Ghost: What's your thing?

Zorak: I'm a big fat ***!

Space Ghost: Stop yelling, retard.

Zorak: (continues yelling)

Space Ghost: What's your thing?

Zorak: Well, you're a big fat ***!

Space Ghost: No, I just called you a big fat ***, okay?

Zorak: You didn't even call me a ***, you big dummy!

Space Ghost: I- I didn't!

Zorak: You didn't even know what a *** was
====================
(Opening theme & titles)