me

-	Had surgery back in early 2010, was told that it would heal within 2 weeks. Received home care.

-	Had to drop out of study due to the healing process taking a considerably longer time. In fact, I wasn’t even able to properly move for 4 weeks.

-	People whom I considered friends and family never bothered to check up on me, not even a simple text asking how I was doing.

-	Lost my grandmother to pneumonia when she had a bad immune system due to recovering from cancer. Still blame myself as I was lazy to go for a walk with her, which might have meant that I could have noticed something was wrong with her as she was admitted the next day.

-	Docs kept prescribing all kinds of medicine and ointments which ended up doing more bad than good.

-	Due to losing all contact with the outside world and the passing of my grandmother I believed that my life was worth absolutely nothing and actually researched the ‘best’ way to end my life. I even wrote a suicide note which ironically was the one thing that stopped me from going any further.

-	6 months and the wound was still open, received a second surgery and was once again told it would heal quickly.

-	This was quickly followed by a different surgery due to another issue I had which went wrong as I ended up with blood poisoning a few days later.

-	Once again had a to drop out of school due to the amount of classes I had missed.

-	Lost my grandfather which I also kinda blame myself for. I was planning to go by his house and say hi but as I walked past it decided to not wanna go through the trouble of hearing the constant complaining of my grandfather so continued my way home. 2 hours later he was found dead.

-	New friend I made ended up confessing to me she was sexually abused. Ended up being a complete lie and made me feel like crap as I really felt bad for this person and saw her as a really good friend.

-	Had a third surgery in September ’16 which also didn’t go as planned.

-	Had home care at least once a day (beginning three times a day) from 2010 – January 2017, who would shower the wound which meant I had to fully undress, felt very humiliating as an 18-year-old. Not good for self-esteem etc.

-	Due to the whole home care situation and people misusing my trust made me not trust others. Been single all my life partly due to this as well.
- build a wall around myself to protect myself from feeling that sadness of losing friends, which means that I don’t have any people in my life anymore that I would consider actual friends.