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Apr 23rd, 2018
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  1. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  2. ... -looks away- Seriously, was I not trying hard enough?
  3.  
  4. The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
  5. /stares at wall. I blame myself more
  6.  
  7. クォンれいな ☆ says
  8. /stares at wall. I blame myself more
  9. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  10. ...How?
  11. クォンれいな ☆ says
  12. I'm a coward. I'm afraid to talk, and then a bunch of assumptions pop into my mind
  13. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  14. And what assumptions would those be?
  15. クォンれいな ☆ says
  16. /holds breath
  17. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  18. -stares- Yah, you have the chance to talk so do it.
  19. クォンれいな ☆ says
  20. /glares. I've already sorted you out from Top, I'll let that be clear now. Nonetheless I still managed to realize just how empty the phrase I love you has become
  21. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  22. And why is that?
  23. クォンれいな ☆ says
  24. What do you mean?
  25. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  26. Why do you think that's empty?
  27. クォンれいな ☆ says
  28. I realized how easy it is to say to others, and just how often and to how many people it can be said to
  29. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  30. What do you mean? If you think /I'm/ saying that to someone else you're wrong.
  31. クォンれいな ☆ says
  32. /glares. Don't lie
  33. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  34. Why the hell would I be saying that to someone else?!
  35. クォンれいな ☆ says
  36. /purses lips again. You know who
  37. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  38. I really don't. I don't even talk to any other girls besides noonar on her.
  39. ** here
  40. クォンれいな ☆ says
  41. /shakes head and waves hand. Nevermind
  42. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  43. -sighs- ... I don't know what makes you think that, but I've never said 'I love you' like that to someone before.
  44. クォンれいな ☆ says
  45. /stares at floor
  46. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  47. ...Is this because you think I didn't remember our anniversary?
  48. クォンれいな ☆ says
  49. /looks up for a second
  50. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  51. -leans against wall and crosses arms, raising eyebrow-
  52. クォンれいな ☆ says
  53. /eyes water and voice slightly breaks. It's not just that. /rubs eyes
  54. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  55. -looks away- Go ahead and ask me to sign these papers, but I'm not going to.
  56. クォンれいな ☆ says
  57. /stares at. Your internet was rude and cut me off before I was able to get my main concern out
  58. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  59. Mian. What's your main concern?
  60. クォンれいな ☆ says
  61. Alright then
  62. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling a burden to you, tired of crying a lot, and damn tired of staying up late for not even a word to be spoken. Technically that's optional, but I still do it, like right now for example. I understand you're trying, that sometimes you're lazy, but you know I'm not exactly the patient type, which I should be more of /shrugs
  63. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  64. You're not a burden. And yes, I am lazy and I'm a bit slow in getting myself back together but do you really think a divorce is the best option for us?
  65. It'll only mean I'll get out of here permanently. Besides you and noonar and Hani, I've got no reason to stay.
  66. クォンれいな ☆ says
  67. If it means you can be happier as an LNC then, I won't hold you back
  68. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  69. -shakes head- ...
  70. クォンれいな ☆ says
  71. Nani?
  72. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  73. Would you really want me to da, then?
  74. クォンれいな ☆ says
  75. to what?
  76. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  77. Deactivate?
  78. クォンれいな ☆ says
  79. /frowns. That's on you. It'll really hurt me for a while but I can force my heart to try and move on
  80. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  81. I still feel like you're holding something back on me.
  82. クォンれいな ☆ says
  83. /thinks
  84. Honestly, this is my brain telling me to divorce you. That it's the best option to keep myself from getting hurt anymore. But quite frankly according to my heart, it's the last thing because I'm afraid to lose you. It doesn't mind getting hurt, although it still wants you to be happy too. I just naturally think of myself as incapable of accepting and giving back love.
  85. I mean, to this day I still find it hard to believe I can be loved. I suppose I'm used to getting hurt
  86. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  87. You've always followed your heart. Are you really that tired, Reina?
  88. クォンれいな ☆ says
  89. I-I don't know. Stressed maybe
  90. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  91. ...Perhaps it's because you don't speak out? I know I'm an idiot, but I'm not the type of idiot to judge you for what you feel.
  92. クォンれいな ☆ says
  93. /shrugs. Possibly.
  94. /wipes eyes. I'm not even sure what to think anymore
  95. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  96. Just thinking is what gets you in trouble. -sits in front of you- Speaking up is what can change that.
  97. クォンれいな ☆ says
  98. /looks away. It can't be helped. I'm given a lot of free time, and I always end up thinking about things
  99. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  100. No, it can be helped. You can still say something any time.
  101. クォンれいな ☆ says
  102. Can I say something quickly then?
  103. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  104. Yes.
  105. クォンれいな ☆ says
  106. I'm a little touched because you're the first person to actually try to fight for me. The others just accept it and move on
  107. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  108. You know I don't just give up.
  109. クォンれいな ☆ says
  110. That's true...
  111. /cries. I'm sorry. For ruining your mood, for making you have to worry over a stupid me
  112. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  113. -hugs your head to his chest- You're not stupid. You're just afraid. But I know you have it in you to change that.
  114. クォンれいな ☆ says
  115. /sinks head into chest and cries more, hugging tightly. N-Ne
  116. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  117. -runs fingers through hair- You need a break, hon. An actual one. Take Yuki, Sae and all that them and just go out and do something you've never done before. If you think of it as being the same thing as not speaking up, then maybe it'll get rid of that fear. You understand what I'm getting at?
  118. クォンれいな ☆ says
  119. I think I do
  120. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  121. Then do it. I can take care of Hani, even as TOP. Trust me with that? Please?
  122. クォンれいな ☆ says
  123. /nods. I do trust you
  124. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  125. -kisses forehead- Give another day before you decide to go off, okay? -pulls you onto his lap-
  126. クォンれいな ☆ says
  127. Mhm
  128. I'm still of still going to Konkon's a few days though otl
  129. still kind of*
  130. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  131. That's fine. Then take more days off.
  132. クォンれいな ☆ says
  133. /makes a face. I still have a lot of early morning filming to do though
  134. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  135. -waves hand in air- That's early morning. You've still got a lot of time for other things.
  136. クォンれいな ☆ says
  137. not with rehearsals ~_~
  138. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  139. ...When I said break, I meant like an actual break. No work; nothing.
  140. Just you.
  141. クォンれいな ☆ says
  142. otl
  143. You know I don't do well without work
  144. I still went to work even when I was on bedrest
  145. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  146. Ne, I remember that. -shakes head-
  147. クォンれいな ☆ says
  148. /sticks out tongue. Although I'm off on Saturday so
  149. I'll head down to Fukuoka and just hang out with old friends I guess
  150. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  151. Take the entire weekend off. Up until Tuesday if you can. Please try?
  152. クォンれいな ☆ says
  153. Hum. I'll try but I'll eventually go crazy if I don't see you and Hani for a few days
  154. I trust you with a lot of things, but feeding my baby--
  155. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  156. ...I can't breastfeed her, but I can give her formula and whatnot.
  157. Or you can just fill up some bottles ಠ_ಠ
  158. クォンれいな ☆ says
  159. I might as well do that ಠ.ಠ
  160. Oh, that actually reminds me
  161. She crawled for the first time today
  162. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  163. ...Seriously?
  164. クォンれいな ☆ says
  165. Mhm. Right to mama. When she woke up from her nap I told her about how she was really stressed out helping a friend
  166. and then she just darted off otl
  167. /scratches head
  168. Afterwards she went into the laundry room, and climbed into your laundry basket
  169. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  170. ...She's going to be everywhere, now...
  171. クォンれいな ☆ says
  172. otl we put gates around though
  173. /pulls out phone. Look, when she climbed out, she had a pair of your boxers on her head
  174. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  175. -looks, and laughs a little- That's my girl..
  176. クォンれいな ☆ says
  177. /smiles weakly. She even tipped over the detergent box and got it all over herself...
  178. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  179. We might need to make this place a fortress. I can't even imagine what's going to happen once she starts to walk..
  180. クォンれいな ☆ says
  181. Haha
  182. /rests head on shoulder. Hopefully she won't be walking for another few months
  183. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  184. -nods, wrapping arm around you- Even if she is, I'm prepared... Almost.
  185. クォンれいな ☆ said (3:23 AM)
  186. hehe
  187. You've heard the news about mama ne?
  188. /beams
  189. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  190. -nods, wrapping arm around you- Even if she is, I'm prepared... Almost. TT
  191. クォンれいな ☆ says
  192. Hehe
  193. Hmm
  194. I'm excited for today
  195. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  196. -wigglebrow- Oh?
  197. クォンれいな ☆ says
  198. You've heard from mama ne? That today might be that day
  199. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  200. -nods- Ne~
  201. クォンれいな ☆ says
  202. /smiles. I hope it is
  203. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  204. -squeezes hand- Here's hoping.
  205. クォンれいな ☆ says
  206. /laughs lightly and blushes. otl I feel ridiculous for bringing up divorce in the first place...
  207. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  208. -small laugh, tapping your forehead- Don't worry about it anymore. It's over with. -kisses gently-
  209. クォンれいな ☆ says
  210. /smiles behind lips and kisses back. Ne~
  211. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  212. -pats your butt, snickering-
  213. クォンれいな ☆ says
  214. /eyes widen, lightly hitting your arm. Yah~
  215. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  216. -sticks out tongue- Sorry. You have a nice butt.
  217. クォンれいな ☆ says
  218. /pokes tongue. I could say the same for you
  219. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  220. I know I have a nice butt, though.
  221. クォンれいな ☆ says
  222. Hmh /nuzzles into neck. Pretty sure we already established you have a lot of nice things
  223. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  224. -smirks- Same for you.
  225. クォンれいな ☆ says
  226. Good, because I've been getting self conscious lately with Yuki calling me fat m(_ _)m
  227. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  228. You're not fat, though..
  229. クォンれいな ☆ says
  230. sob I know I'm not
  231. I'm like mama, I happen to shed pregnancy weight quickly
  232. /makes a face. That was another thing I was worried about partially. Not looking appealing to you
  233. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  234. ಠ___________________ಠ ...
  235. You give me a boner everyday.
  236. クォンれいな ☆ says
  237. owo;;
  238. /hides laughter
  239. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  240. You have sex appeal, okay?
  241. A lot of it. OTL
  242. クォンれいな ☆ says
  243. Hahaha
  244. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  245. I swear to God if you ever think you don't have sex appeal.. orz
  246. クォンれいな ☆ says
  247. I have up until this point owo
  248. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  249. GOOD.
  250. クォンれいな ☆ says
  251. /sticks out tongue and straddles on lap, tugging on your collar. Glad I still have it then~
  252. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  253. -kisses deeply, wrapping arms around your waist-
  254. クォンれいな ☆ says
  255. /pulls closer, wrapping arms around neck
  256. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  257. -smiles against lips- I love you, got it?
  258. クォンれいな ☆ says
  259. Got it
  260. leaderkwon-anon@hotmail.com says
  261. Good. -sticks out tongue-
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