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Smut-Off 3: Taboo (v2.3)

Jun 19th, 2014
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  1. Tags: male knight / female squire, reverse trap, very guilty sex, forbidden love, consensual loving missionary position
  2.  
  3. There was talk a while back about reverse trap squires in general and I was of course very interested in the discussion, seeing as how they may be my favorite things. Decided that I’d write something slightly different with a good knight for a change, paired with an emotionally weak squire girl. Also trying to play up the taboo because guilt can be sexy as fuck.
  4.  
  5.  
  6. It was a shitty job. Sir Benjamin worked with the knights in the port town of Yelton and had been stationed there for more than a year. Normally it was customary to have police in cities handling domestic problems, but Yelton was an extreme case and the police couldn’t handle it alone anymore. Knights became necessary when gangs started hiring mercenaries from outside of the country. Every ship that came in brought crooks and ever ship that left took locals somewhere better. Sir Benjamin had heard people talk half-jokingly about how people in the capital city wanted to cut Yelton off like a gangrenous leg.
  7.  
  8. Too many of the mercenaries that were pouring onto the streets had killed knights before. A few specialized in weapons and methods of fighting to help them get past armor. In just the last year, three men that Ben knew had been killed working in Yelton. More had been seriously injured, with a few having to quit their jobs, or take work elsewhere signing papers. The death rates, the weapons, the danger never left Sir Benjamin's mind--any down time he had was spent worrying.
  9.  
  10. Ben had fought 'real' battles, but it hadn’t prepared him for city work. He was an anxious man and when he wasn’t working he preferred to seclude himself and be quiet, reading or writing or occasionally lifting metal weights and running in circles around the inside perimeter of the courtyard until he couldn't run anymore. He always imagined he was running away from those things that frightened him.
  11.  
  12. He was only in his early thirties, but his hair had started to grey from stress. He didn’t like it or think it was attractive, which in turn made him more stressed and probably exacerbated the problem. He felt prematurely old, and no amount of exercising and youthful nights spent courting the ladies of minor nobility (when his coworkers insisted) made him stop worrying that he was losing his youth to the city of Yelton.
  13.  
  14. The knight in charge, an old guy, Sir Gareth, told him there would be a squire coming to Yelton. Benjamin would get him. Benjamin didn’t care for that, but didn’t argue with his commanding officer.
  15.  
  16. He fretted about training a squire. His last squire had graduated to knighthood a few years back, but that young man’s training hadn’t taken place in anywhere near Yelton. It was much easier to rear a lad in the countryside where they could focus on their education--throwing a kid into the middle of a gang war where he would be an open target for everyone with a grudge against the government was a dangerous situation.
  17.  
  18. Ben converted his living space. He moved his desk and shelves to make space for a new desk. He got a second trunk and set of drawers for the boy to store his things, and put in a second bed against an unused section of wall. He added curtains to segment the room. He remembered being sixteen, and remembered how much he had wanted privacy sometimes at that age. His last squire had had his own room, but there was no space like that for this boy.
  19.  
  20. His new squire was named Quinn. The boy was attentive and constantly asking questions. Sir Benjamin might have found the inquisition annoying, but Quinn’s questions were almost always reasonable, thought out, and intelligent. The boy’s teacher from his page training had sent a letter ahead of time praising him for his arithmetic and other studies. Because of the boy’s clear intellect, Sir Benjamin was surprised to learn that he was the child of peasants and had only learned to read and write when he’d entered the page program at age twelve. It was a rare success story, and he was proud of his new squire.
  21.  
  22. The boy didn't talk much about his childhood or his family, but when Ben took to calling him 'little brother,' Quinn did not object and even seemed grateful for the nickname. Sir Benjamin kept him supplied with books to read and answered all of the blonde boy’s questions. He saw much of himself in him when he found that Quinn was as anxious about life as he was, if not more so.
  23.  
  24. Quinn couldn't sleep sometimes. He'd stay awake in the dark, breathing or rocking himself gently back and forth. Panic attacks. Ben knew the signs. He was used to stifling his, keeping them down until he got exhausted and they poured out at night and ate him alive and he was forced to address them and deal with them. Ben talked with his squire about these things, but avoided touching on the causes of anxiety, it didn't seem right to him to dig so early in their relationship. He acted as a point of focus where there didn't have to be fear.
  25.  
  26. Benjamin wasn’t a soft-spoken man under stress he usually spoke in barked orders, or at least gruff, laconic sentences. Even speaking normally his voice carried his knightly authority, and Quinn responded to it immediately in times of anxiety. There was an implicit assurance of safety when following the demands of a knight. Being told to "lie down and just breathe slowly" helped him do it. Sometimes Ben talked until his squire fell asleep, telling him pointless stories of childhood.
  27.  
  28. He felt good about that, even though there was a small concern that he was coddling the boy. While he was fond of his last squire, they hadn’t had very much in common. Roger had been headstrong and capable and Ben had never known him to doubt himself like Quinn seemed to. He fell asleep too.
  29.  
  30.  
  31. With almost no time time, Benjamin noticed that, despite himself, he was calmer in Quinn’s first few weeks of training than he’d been since he’d started work in Yelton. He felt directed and purposed, and because he had the squire he hadn’t had to go on any particularly dangerous assignments. Those were the ones--the ones where gangs would set up ambushes in basements, where knights would investigate screams and find piles of bodies, the ones where they entered a building and found shit smeared on walls--that kept him awake at night. He was used to reliving them when he slept, but talking with the softspoken Quinn before bed seemed to keep the nightmares away.
  32.  
  33. He felt a true brotherly affection for him, protective and deeply caring, and saw in Quinn’s eyes and eagerness to follow at his heels everywhere that the boy must have him similarly.
  34.  
  35.  
  36. After a few weeks, when the knight was sure that his squire was good enough with a sword to bring him outside the barracks on work, he took Quinn with him to patrol a relatively calm part of the city. It was calm because it was farthest from the ports and nearest the farms. Ben was sure that if he drew on a map every crime that the epicenter would be no further than a block from the docks.
  37.  
  38. They did the easy work around the city, though with both of them in full armor (Quinn’s rather ill-fitting) even just walking in sunlight was exhausting and they favored shade. Mostly they found themselves giving directions to traveling merchants until evening. The worst thing that happened in the daytime was the apprehension of a thief, but it was only a boy and Ben let him off with a stern warning. Quinn didn’t seem to want to talk when they were out, and his eyes were adrift across the city.
  39.  
  40. When evening settled and snugged itself in, the locals liked to drink and there were too many who liked to drink to excess. This clearly bothered Quinn, who shied away from every drunk on the streets and avoided even looking at bars. Sir Benjamin started to cycle the two of them back towards the city barracks to let the night watch come out and work on the drunks, but trouble intervened in the form of a drunken brawl that spilled into the streets. It couldn't have been past seven in the evening.
  41.  
  42. Quinn was paralyzed by this the moment he saw people punching each other. Sir Benjamin couldn’t bat an eye and he never needed to draw his sword. He grabbed people by their tunics and pulled them apart, almost throwing a few men out of the pile. After he had prized apart the conglomeration of inebriated people, only two of them kept going at it, a man and a woman red in the faces who shrieked words of hate between them.
  43.  
  44. Viciousness.
  45.  
  46. When the woman slapped the knight, Ben pinned her to the wall and manacled her. She kicked and squirmed, but she wasn’t coordinated and he was a professional in armor. He had arrested hundreds of people by now and could have manacled people in his sleep.
  47.  
  48. “Who else wants to be arrested?” he barked at the crowd of people who swayed where they stood like flowers in a field. With watery red eyes, not one of them volunteered, and they shuffled back into the bar, except for the woman.
  49.  
  50. Sir Benjamin looked at Quinn, who was pale in the face and looking sick to his stomach. If this upset the boy, Benjamin hoped he’d be able to get him over it soon. He looked into the kid’s eyes and really didn’t know.
  51.  
  52. The arrested woman started to shriek, but Sir Benjamin tried to pay her no mind. He saw a few constables--police were not of the same ranks as knights but both groups of men were always pleased to work with the other in this place. Ben relaxed and waved with his free hand and got a wave in return. Quinn looked between them with his wide-eyed, nervous look, and just when things seemed to be calming down, the woman’s shouts caused the man she’d been fighting with to stumble back out of the building.
  53.  
  54. He picked Quinn as a target and shouted at the boy in either a foreign tongue or drunken gibberish, jabbing a finger aggressively at him. Fearing for his squire, Benjamin left the woman and darted between the man and the boy, firmly shoving the drunk away from Quinn.
  55.  
  56. Quinn hadn’t even drawn his weapon, and when the constables intervened, Ben grabbed his student and left to get him back to their city barracks at a hurried shuffle. The boy was nearly catatonic until they were back inside, in their room, and Ben started taking his armor off.
  57.  
  58. The boy broke into tears. Ben had no idea how to resolve the situation. His last squire had been a stoic boy who never cried.
  59.  
  60. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
  61.  
  62. The boy shook his head, making his short hair swish in the air. He started removing his armor piece by piece the way that Ben was.
  63.  
  64. Quinn said, “It was… that man and woman? They were exactly like my parents. Fighting, screaming. At me. Constantly. Drunk and yelling always just like that. When I was a page, they weren’t happy. They were jealous of me. They were so furious that there was a way for me to get away from them and away from their stupid, shitty life. The teacher, he was always nice to me, he actually had to pay them money so he could give me lessons.”
  65.  
  66. For all his stress, Ben couldn’t quite imagine what it would have been like to be a little kid with parents that didn’t give a fuck about his future--he was low nobility and while he had no delusions of marrying a princess he had never wanted for anything, including parents that loved him. He was trying to think of how to offer condolences when Quinn continued.
  67.  
  68. “They told me that if I left to be a squire to a knight I’d just get kicked out and end up crawling back home to them. Told me I was betraying them by leaving. I’m so fucking scared that someday I’ll have to do that, to go back to them.”
  69.  
  70. It was easy to see how something like that would keep a boy up at night. “Why did they think you’d ever go back to them? Quinn, you froze up today but I do believe you have more than what it takes to be a knight. Fear, anxiety, those things happen, they’re part of the job. You aren’t going to get kicked out, you can learn to master them.”
  71.  
  72. Quinn ran his hands through his hair. “Sir, I…” The boy stopped his words and looked at Sir Benjamin, studying him and assessing him.
  73.  
  74. “You can tell me anything, boy.”
  75.  
  76. “I’m not a boy.”
  77.  
  78. Ben was quiet, uncertain how to react to that. Then, “Huh.”
  79.  
  80. It explained some things. Her fear of being kicked out. Her privateness and why she looked away from him when he changed or hid behind her curtain. The softness of her features, her long eyelashes and slender, delicate fingers.
  81.  
  82. He wasn’t angry with her. If anything he was happy, but not fully aware of why. “No wonder you’re always scared,” he said quietly. He was a rather progressive man who welcomed the idea of women as knights--only so long as they could keep up, of course--if only because he’d seen how bad things were when there weren’t enough people with swords.
  83.  
  84. She nodded with her eyes scrunched tight and her arms crossed over her chest, hugging herself while she tried to control her own reaction.
  85.  
  86. “I’m not angry with you. And I won’t tell anyone, Quinn. Never. You’re my squire, I wouldn’t turn you in. I would never let them kick you out. I’m here to take care of you.”
  87.  
  88. He held his arms out to welcome a hug now that they were both without their armor, and at once she ran to him, wrapped her arms around his ribs, and squeezed with the power of a bear. The knight squeezed her back. She was a good kid. A good student. Pretty, he supposed, now that he understood her face a bit better. The hug was long.
  89.  
  90. “Well…” she said in a whisper against his chest. “There’s other stuff I should tell you. Since I’m being honest and stuff.”
  91.  
  92. “Oh?”
  93.  
  94. “I love you.”
  95.  
  96. He tilted his head down to look at her, and with her chin touching his chest she looked back up at him. Her heart was in her throat, obviously terrified that he’d be disgusted with her, but neither of those things happened.
  97.  
  98. “All squires love their knights,” he told her. He wanted to be gentle. He didn’t want to hurt her but he didn’t trust a young adult riddled with hormones not to confuse adoration with love, and not to fall for him because he was a non-related man she spent all of her time with.
  99.  
  100. “I know they do,” she said. She looked at him with guilty eyes. “But not just like that… you’re so nice to me, and you’re interested in who I am as a person, you help me when I’m freaking out... I love you. I… when you sleep I… I’ve touched myself thinking about being with you every night for weeks.”
  101.  
  102. Despite himself, he liked hearing that. It made him feel a little ill to acknowledge it but yes, it turned him on to hear that a girl masturbated to the thought of him so devoutly and he felt a rush of excitement that made his cock twitch and stiffen in his pants. He found his hand reaching up to run over her short blonde hair, stroking it. It was softer than it looked.
  103.  
  104. “Why do you tell me this?” he asked her. He doubted she knew that she couldn't say things like that without igniting certain parts of his mind. And once thoughts like those were in place, they wouldn't go away. She had to know that.
  105.  
  106. Images of her hugging her pillow to her chest at night with one arm while the other hand was in the front of her pants were already infecting his thoughts. He imagined the girl bucking her hips under her covers while he slept. He was getting afraid that she’d feel or see his guilty excitement at the front of his pants.
  107.  
  108. She struggled to find the right answer and settled with, “I tell you because... I want to be with you. You’ve always been so nice to me… I hoped that… if you knew I was a girl that you might want me back.”
  109.  
  110. “Quinn,” he said with a stern tone, and then his voice faltered, and he let go of the hug. He turned, hoping that breaking eye contact with the squire would make the semi in his pants calm down. He crossed the room and paced, then sat down on the edge of his bed to look up at her. “That’s not an option, Quinn. You are a fantastic squire but you… you are my squire. My little... brother. Half my age. What you want is not an option.”
  111.  
  112. He wanted to tell her it would be wrong--because that was what he did believe, he was so ashamed and surprised that her desires were as tantalizing as they were--but when she turned red in the face again and covered her eyes with her hands in misery, he could say nothing. She was so emotionally fragile, obviously desperate for affection and attention and a point of reference in her life. He wondered how unloved she felt with cruel parents growing up, and how hard it must have been to be practically bought by a teacher in order to become a page. And whatever she had as a page, she didn’t have here.
  113.  
  114. She needs me, he told himself. She needs me to comfort her and prove I will not reject her. The reality of the situation was never far from his mind but he chose to pay very little attention to it.
  115.  
  116. “I care about you, Quinn,” he told her truthfully. “When I'm anxious, it eases me to talk to you. You are such a clever and smart student. It pains me to see you so miserable.”
  117.  
  118. She smiled sadly at his words. “And you calm me down when I’m terrified. I used to have so many nightmares, but not that many now. And when you talk to me, I feel better too. I really do love you. Believe me, I do. I’m not a little girl.”
  119.  
  120. Benjamin reached forward and took one of her hands and held it gently. At sixteen, she wasn’t a child, but she was still a few years away from what the layperson would really agree was adulthood. She was old enough to lay with whomever she pleased without legal repercussion for them, except for him because he was her knight. He told himself it would only be HALF-wrong, HALF an abuse of power. And besides, she wanted it. Now he did too.
  121.  
  122. “You are a little girl to me,” he told her, then asked one final time: “Are you sure I’m what you want?”
  123.  
  124. “More than anything, sir,” she said, and with her affirmation he reached for her hips and pulled her down to his bed with him. It was a long moment, with his own motions and hers feeling painfully slow. Benjamin was hyper-aware of everything--the fabric of her tunic, the give of her skin underneath, the weight of her excitement. Time sped up when she reached the bed and knelt on it next to him and looked into his eyes.
  125.  
  126. She pulled off her shirt.
  127.  
  128. She was skinnier than he’d expected, with too much definition to her ribs for his tastes. He’d make sure she ate more from here out. Quinn used something that looked like a specially made corset to keep her chest looking flat. Ben admired the creativity, and before he realized it he reached for her and loosened the tie to let it fall away from her and he could look at her breasts and nipples.
  129.  
  130. “Am I enough for you?” she asked him, looking down at her small but perky breasts and then back up with embarrassment.
  131.  
  132. He’d never seen anyone so vulnerable. Ben wrapped her in his arms and hugged her to him, pulling her into his lap but not quite letting their crotches touch yet, even though his penis was straining at his pants and demanding to be set free.
  133.  
  134. “Of course you are. Listen to me, Quinn. I don’t want you to ever worry about ‘being enough’ for anyone. You are clever, kind… you’re still developing as a person...” He stopped after he spoke words and thought thoughts to remind himself of her relative youth--even if she was old enough in the eyes of the law, it did not seem right. She was not thinking rationally about who she wanted. But he couldn’t stop her. He couldn’t stop himself either. “If anyone ever told you that you weren’t enough, he would be a fool.”
  135.  
  136. The squire wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him. Ben welcomed her soft lips and warm body and eagerly embraced her to run his rough hands up and down her smooth back, finding them traveling low to her pants and slipping inside the back to find and squeeze at her ass. She squeaked with surprise, and their lips parted with a soft smacking sound.
  137.  
  138. She smiled and reached for her lap to unbuckle her belt and slip from her pants, but he stopped her when she hooked her thumbs into her underwear just above the wide curve of her hips.
  139.  
  140. “Wait your turn, little girl," he purred, and gently slid her from his lap so he could pull away his tunic. He asked himself why he’d called her that--'little girl'--and answered himself in two ways: The first was that Quinn was too much of a boyish name for this lovely young lady who had been pining after him. The second was that he was actually getting off saying it, reminding himself of the guilty act they were going to commit.
  141.  
  142. Quinn visibly swooned to see him shirtless. Benjamin was a strong man with prominent muscles, but like the hair on his head, a few grey hairs had found their way to his chest and torso. He’d been seen without his shirt before, sometimes when they were outside on sunny days training, sometimes when their stone barracks were too hot. But he’d never noticed her reaction, her shy blushing and the way she bit her lower lip.
  143.  
  144. “You’re so handsome,” she told him sadly. “And I, I’m just… I’m not… I’m not.”
  145.  
  146. “Don’t talk like that,” he said. Seeing her distraught over this pulled heavily at his heart. A squire didn’t deserve the crippling self-doubt that seemed to rule Quinn. He kissed her forehead and shifted to pull off his pants and discard them to the floor. His erection bulged at the front of his underwear, its shape and size well-defined by the fabric.
  147.  
  148. Ben looked to Quinn’s face. He wanted to see his young admirer’s reaction to the object of her desire, wanted to see the girl react to his fully grown cock. Her mouth had fallen open when her eyes followed the trail of dark hairs from his chest to his abs to the top of his underwear and down to his bulge.
  149.  
  150. He tried to remind himself again when guilt tried to creep back to him: I’m not taking advantage of her. She really wants this. She wants me.
  151.  
  152. Quinn leaned in, scooting closer to him so she was on her knees on his bed. He reached for one of her thighs and trailed his fingers up to her underwear. Still looking at her slender, blushing face, he tugged them down from her hips to midway down her thighs, then looked down.
  153.  
  154. Ben admired her delicate labia. His squire’s. If he did what he wanted with her and they were found out, the best outcome would be them being kicked out and him being stripped of all titles and rights. He couldn’t stop himself from running one finger along the slippery, hot crease where the lips met.
  155.  
  156. Quinn surprised him with a shuddering moan, and she bent forward. She caught herself by grabbing his shoulders and tried to spread her knees far apart but was prevented from doing so by the underwear caught around her knees.
  157.  
  158. The knight kissed her cheek while she trembled.
  159.  
  160. “I fantasized about this,” she said, nearly whispering.
  161.  
  162. “What exactly did you fantasize about, little girl?” he whispered back in her ear. He wanted to hear her fantasies and what she had imagined from him when she had touched herself. Ben prodded a finger between her labia to stroke her swollen little clit, innocent and desperate for his experience.
  163.  
  164. Through ragged and uneven breaths, “That, that you would come to my bed while I was reading, and you would kiss me and pick me up in your arms…”
  165.  
  166. He pushed his index finger into her vagina and curled it to rub the inner walls. Quinn covered her mouth to keep from being too loud, and Ben said, “Shh. Just breathe like I always tell you. In, out. No loud sounds just now. The walls are thick but not that thick.”
  167.  
  168. She nodded and while she inhaled, and he forced his middle finger into her too and she whimpered again. Oh, she was tight. It was a challenge to slide that second finger in, even to the first knuckle. He did his best to spread his fingers to stretch her wide. The fluids sliding down his hand told him how much Quinn needed him. He couldn’t let her down. He pumped his fingers in and out of her, reaching deep and speeding up even though her body was doing its best to clamp down on him. He watched her shuddering form as he inflicted her with pleasure, how hard it was for her to keep quiet.
  169.  
  170. His erection and balls were aching now. Ben shifted and pulled the front of his underwear down to finally--finally!--free himself. Quinn looked too much like a child in a candy shop, and he felt and extra gush of fluids over his hand when she looked up and down his shaft, taking him in with her eyes.
  171.  
  172. The girl’s shaking hand came away from her mouth and she managed a few words between pleasured grunts, “Oh gods, you’re huge!”
  173.  
  174. He grinned and blushed. “No, little girl, you’re just inexperienced.”
  175.  
  176. “I’m not little,” she finally decided to protest his nickname.
  177.  
  178. Ben kissed her red cheek. “You’re half my age, Quinn,” he told her, and felt a resurgence of guilt followed by a wave of guilty pleasure that made his cock twitch and push out a drop of precum. He’d never known this was something he would enjoy until today and it still startled him. “You’re a little girl to me.”
  179.  
  180. He pulled his fingers from her with a noisy, wet, popping sound. Quinn made a sound of abject misery to be empty again, and looked between his eyes and penis. “I don’t care if you’re twice my age,” she said, and sat back on the bed to remove her underwear all the way and spread her legs for him. She was begging with her body but he wanted her to beg with her words too.
  181.  
  182. “I don’t care either,” he admitted more to himself than to her, and stood up to get all the way out of his underwear. Freedom. “Tell me what you want next, Quinn.”
  183.  
  184. Tell me to fuck you long and hard and show you the love no one else ever has.
  185.  
  186. She didn’t stutter. “Do it. Whenever I look at you I need you, I need you inside of me, all the way, filling me, I need that always, I think about it every single night and I need to feel it in real life or I am going to lose my mind…” she seemed dazed by her own fantasy, her eyes wild with imagined bliss, and her hand crept into her lap to massage herself while she waited for him to resume pleasuring her.
  187.  
  188. He almost pounced over her to push the girl onto her back and kiss her again. His tongue was in her mouth when he lined up his glistening head with her wet lips and pushed into her--and it was a good thing because she was noisy. He used their kiss to absorb her sounds of surprise. It must have been painful for her, at least at first, because she dug her nails into his shoulders. He apologized mid-kiss but his words were muffled with her moans.
  189.  
  190. He broke the kiss again and pulled most of the way out of her. “You okay?” he panted.
  191.  
  192. She gulped and nodded enthusiastically. “More,” she begged.
  193.  
  194. Ben throbbed, and pushed back into her. He tried to be gentle, but there was only so much he could do to contain himself. It was a relief when Quinn wrapped her legs around his hips and started to buck in time with his thrusts. She was a fast learner after all, he should have expected it from her. Both of them covered in a thin sheen of sweat, they gyrated.
  195.  
  196. The wet smacking of their sex was loud to their ears, but outside none could hear their brother knight pounding balls deep into his girl squire like it was his last night alive.
  197.  
  198. She came around him first. The spasms of her tunnel as well as her body bucking nearly made him finish, but he held himself together and pulled out of her. They both gasped for breath, Quinn lying prone on her back with Benjamin propping himself up on his hands. Without warning, the girl reached down between them and wrapped her hand around his slippery shaft. The softness of her hand, the firmness of her grip, and he came with an animal grunt.
  199.  
  200. His cum jettisoned onto her stomach in a long messy line while he reeled in pleasure and watched Quinn’s surprised but amused reaction.
  201.  
  202. “Sorry,” Quinn said, and gingerly released his cock. "I didn't mean to make you finish so soon."
  203.  
  204. He caught his breath and rolled over next to her on the bed, immediately scooping her up in his arms to hold her. It was only natural to cuddle with a lover after sex, he didn’t give it a second thought until she spoke.
  205.  
  206. “Sir,” she said softly, reminding him suddenly, forcefully, of his title and duties, and how he had broken many moral obligations in the last hour. “That was better than I always dreamed.”
  207.  
  208. Sir Benjamin smiled, but felt the weight of his trespass as he hugged her to him. She was so young. But any doubts that started to come to him post-orgasm were calmed when Quinn pulled up the blanket over them both and rolled over to place her back to his chest.
  209.  
  210. “I love you,” she told him softly. He believed her.
  211.  
  212. He knew she expected and needed a reply. Probably now more than ever that he’d had sex with her. “I love you too, little girl,” he told her. She deserved to feel loved for the first time in her life. He turned his head to blow out the candle at the bedside and held her tightly in the dark.
  213.  
  214. She didn't sleep immediately, but her eyes were shut and her mouth was open. He stroked her short hair. She was soft like a cat to him one way, bristly like a dog when he pet her the other direction. Quinn clearly didn't mind him playing with her, these were no doubt the kinds of touches that she had been longing for. Tactile reassurance that she was worth something.
  215.  
  216. He didn’t want to abuse her, but he felt entirely calm for the first time in so long. He didn’t want to be selfish with his squire’s best interests, but he was.
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