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- 1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
- 220K Miles
- 4.0 L in-line 6
- 4WD
- AUTOMATIC Transmission
- Bright Red
- Straight Stock
- Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
- POWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!
- $1750
- Here's the deal, kids:
- This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
- It's a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
- It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.
- If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
- If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
- Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
- Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
- While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
- Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
- Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
- When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
- Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
- -could you not care less?
- Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
- Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
- Do you still miss your first ride?
- Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
- Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
- Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
- If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
- DETAILS:
- -I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
- -I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
- -The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points.
- I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
- -It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
- If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
- -Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
- We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven't fixed it.
- -Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
- -Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn't matter
- A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don't want to replace them I will.
- Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
- -The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
- -Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
- -Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
- Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
- Life got in the way - it ain't happening.
- -Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
- -Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kick ass, so there.
- QUESTIONS:
- -Why are you selling?
- I can't justify owning it anymore. Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
- Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.
- -What's wrong with it?
- Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver's side door cosmetic issues.
- And it's pissed it has been neglected and parked. It needs rescued.
- -Does the 4WD work?
- Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
- -Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
- No. I'm not in the salvage business. Buy the Jeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.
- -Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
- No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
- Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
- I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad mofo.
- -Why is it still stock?
- Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
- I haven't had the time to do so. So I am selling it.
- -Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
- I don't give a shit. But be sure to use quality components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lift!
- -Would this make a good car for my daughter?
- Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
- Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.
- -Can you deliver?
- Within reason. I'd drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.
- -Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
- Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
- No. I'll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don't show.
- -Will you ship to -?
- No. See above.
- -No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
- That's great, I don't give a shit. Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.
- Why? Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I'd rather keep it.
- But if it's going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you're an asshole - then no sale.
- -Why are you such a dick?
- Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
- Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
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