Being 20 wishing you were 80 is weird
Livin lonely undercover hidin feelins is real
I don't wanna preach bad about nothin but me
i self destruct every fuckin moment i breathe
Have any of you ever actually been so  depressed
Youd rather lay in bed & stare at the wall than be with friends
You'd keep quiet how you feel to anybody who ask
Shrug it,off put on a smile then its off to the next
I dont fucking get it
I never have i never will i might as well
Admit it, then myself to a psycho bin
Im not even crazy im just empty inside
I dont,care if tomorrow i wake up and live or if tonight i die
I havent even been able to,cry.
Yeah, thats right
Its been over 3 years since a tesr left my eye
Its been harder every day to a point where i dont even try
I let this sickness consume me like bread to water
And im just letting it soak me up and pull me apart from the pressure
And every few weeks i get the same damn lecture
Grow up, be a man, take that shame and remember
You,get one life in this world don't be a fucking waste
Wipe the frown off your face and wake up and say
You have the power to change and dont try to erase
Your responsibility to survive in a world full of hate
Fuck...
See the hate you speak is just the hate you see
Bht the hate I see is the hate you need
And you remind me of kt constantly
But youre never there when I'm on my knees
When im in mybed
When i cant get out of my head
When im asking god is there a single reason to live
Or why did he make,me become this way
Omwas it the choice i made without knowing the consequence id,face
I gave up on school, i dropped out i never wanted to be something
I always thought itd be given to me if I asked for it
Never knew id have to bleed to produce anything
Thats my honest mistake


I think the sayin goes
You cant have your cake and eat it too
But the aame can be said about me and you
And anyone else who thinks they know my pain
And if you,think im excusing then youre the one who's insane
Youre the one who complains
Im the one who keeps quiet
Every fuckin time i wanna yell or scream i don't try it
Bevause i don't wanna seem weak though I know behind this mask im just a fuckin sheep
And i don't know who's my shepard
Ive stranded from the group and im vulnerable to every wolf hungry
Every mother fucker always wants a free sample
Poke and prod, they pull my wool in spots to make me look like the fool
When all i want is to find my place
I love every person i come across anybody who feels down know I'm also in your thoughts
Anybody who wants to kull themselves know thats not your fault
Cause you werent given the affection or assurance you needed when you thought
How shit life was,
how fucked you felt
How abandonded you felt
How ignored you seemed when you,cried for help
My tear are all dried up
I keep chuckin the fuckin bucket down the well but its all dried up
I shelf bottles of pain but that only does so much
Cause every bottle i got has a name and i dont forget that taste
I space myself from confliction & thats my worst addiction
Fuck the cigaerttes those dont conpare to what I'm missing
And that's a touch of myself
A touch of an angel to help hold me up
Cause I'm nearly about to break every  bottle and sink
In regret, guilt, in depression and broken dreams
Heh
Depression...
A word commonly used but rarely ever holds its value
Often comparable to the way kids say i love you
Im 20 years young but i wanna be 80
So everyday i have the possibility of dying shamelessly
So when i take my leave people wont be surprised
And act like they never assumed id be the guy to take his life
And I promise i won't
To who? I don't lnow because truthfully i am alone
Maybe this is wby god made me this way
Maybe im the one whos supposed to open the gates.
Maybe ill be the one to spread faith where others look away and say