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She doesn't respond, and I start to get worried that she caught on to me. I pull a Dorris and send her an anxious second email:
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Me to Dorris
my dorris,

i haven't heard back from you since my last electronic letter, and i'm beginning to get worried. i hope not being able to show my receipt of ship mail isn't a problem, but replied you have not! please respond to me as i am growing quite concerned!

-will


Dorris lizzy to me

thanks for getting back to me,i was a bit confused when it took so long to hear from you....but alas here you are..... i'm very glad to help you with internet  transaction but as for the fact that you won't be able to send a scan receipt,there will be chaos in funding your account by paypal.....i am asking you to please try and find a means by which you can send the scan receipt to me and majorly to paypal so that they can start investigation promptly and in a giffy your money will be credited into your account.....
try and get it sent to paypal first and foremost so that your money can be in your hand in a twinkle of an eye....
hope to rread from you soon

GOD BLESS YOU.....

====================
What took so long to hear from me?! You forgot about me, sweet Dorris!
====================

Me  to Dorris
i'm so sorry that this is such a headache for both of us dorris, but i finally was able to get a scan of the receipt into my friend's sister's computer. if it wasn't for her, we'd have a problem! luckily she was able to make a scan for me and here i am sending it to you. i've never posted an attachment to an email so i hope i do this right and you'll be able to see it!

so where do we go from here? is everything good to go from here on out? now that i have proved the shipment of the macbook, will i get the money into my paypal account or not yet?

please reply soon, hopefully with good news!

-Will

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Here is the receipt I poorly photoshopped and sent to her:



Like the "Pownage, IL" and "Breast Research"? Hopefully she believes it....Also note that the destination is NIGER, not NIGERIA. This comes into play a little later...
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Dorris lizzy to me
Is there any other receipt with the number that start with alphabet number? please if there is , kindly let me have it .

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That's a pretty blunt email, Dorris. I wasn't quite sure if she fell for my "receipt"...
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me@gmail.com to Dorris
i'm sorry dorris, but that's the only receipt i got when i shipped it. is something wrong?


Dorris lizzy  to me
sorry for this late response, but firstly, the money has been deducted from my account and i can't even have a tracking number to confirm if you've truly shipped this item...
i will like to let you know that i'm not a novice of online transaction and this is not my first time of dealing online....
so i will advice you to kindly get back to the post and show them the receipt given to you so as to know what is going on with this item that you've shipped.....
i'm kind of nervous here cos it seems as if i'm losing my money which will be funded into your account anyway... don't make me regret ever checking your post on craiglist.....
i'm only advising you to kindly go back to the post and show them the receipt given to you and let them know that you need a tracking  number so as to know the status of your item shipped, and which of their mail service it was shipped with...either express mail or priority mail...and i'm sure when item[s] are shipped with usps mail delivery service they will provide you with tracking number so that you can track and know the status of your item shipped by yourself....
hope to read from you soon...

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Oh now it's getting good. She's trying to turn this around on me and make me feel bad for her because her money has already been deducted from her account. Well, Dorris,  I'll have you know I take offense to being accused an internet scammer!
======================

me@gmail.com to Dorris
i don't really know what to say, dorris. i'm a little hurt that you don't trust me and feel that i may be attempting to scam you out of your hard earned money. i give you my word that i have shipped the macbook, as you can see in the scan of the receipt which i feel is more than enough proof that i indeed shipped it.

i have sent packages of cookies to my grandmother before (who lives in the UK, bless her soul!) and i can't recall ever getting a tracking number on the receipt. in fact i've sent many packages that didn't come with a tracking number.

why anybody would do such a terrible thing as tricking someone on the internet is beyond me, dorris, and i promise that i have in fact shipped it.

with all my best,
Will

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Ahhh, subtlety at it's finest
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Dorris lizzy to me
it's not that i do not believe, you it just that this kind of transaction with paypal has to do with tracking number so that once you've send them the tracking number they can commence promptly with it verification and in a Giffy your money will reflect in you account...

straight from my heart i believe you but please try and get back to the post office with the receipt given to you and tell them you want updates on the item you shipped via their mail delivery service,and also they should give a tracking number so that you will be able to track this item yourself online ..........
once you have this and it has been verified by paypal by sending it to them at this address shipping.verifier@officeemail.net, you will have your money in hand..
i'm concern with you not having your money yet and me not knowing the present status of the item i've bought...
i'm sorry if i've really been rude by my replies it's just i'm curious and nervous.....hope your personality has not been dishonoured by my reply.....
hope to read from you asap.......

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Awwww, Dorris does have a soul. She feels a little sorry for hurting my feelings and apologizes. It's okay, Dorris, kiss and make up.
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me@gmail.com to Dorris
dorris,

it's ok, i forgive. no hard feelings between us, k?

just because you are being very nice and helpful about this whole situation, i'll make an extra trip to the post office when i get a chance tomorrow and hopefully solve this problem.

thanks again!

-Will


Dorris lizzy to me
OKAY,i forgive too no heard felings

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Felings? I didn't hear any felings...
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Me to Dorris
dorris o' mine,

i just got back from the post office, and boy have i made a terrible mistake! i brought my receipt (the one i scammed into the computer and sent to you) and showed the clerk. i noticed then that i had addressed the package to NIGER, not NIGERIA! how extremely super silly of me! luckily they were able to intercept it before it fell into the wrong hands, and she told me it should be sent back to me within the next couple days. i can then readdress it to you, dear, and we can finally complete our transaction.

she also warned me about sending packages to Nigeria and other neighboring countries as they are known for taking people's items without paying, but i told her that was impossible. i said how trustworthy you are and that paypal is already holding her money, waiting to release it to me.

if anyone's the bad person in this deal, it's me for being so dumb and sending it to the wrong country! i'm so sorry this is taking so long whOrris, but i promise it won't be much longer!

-Will

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Now I'm starting to have fun. I tell her that I accidentally shipped her macbook to the wrong country, but the post office was able to intercept it and they are shipping it back to me, which I can then ship to Whorris.
==========

Dorris lizzy to me
God!!! you made a terrible mistake and thank God it wasn't too late..
So i will implore you to be extra careful and very cautious next time.. i knew you wouldn't lie to me and i have a strong faith in you that you are someone of high integrity......anyway, to be precise let me know when the item will be in your hand and when you will ship it.
i really appreciate you heeding to my advice to go back to the post......
so make sure this done on time so that you can have your money in hand...i'm really concern about your money cos you might need it so badly that you are selling your property........
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON... just a mistake does not makes you or turns you into a bad person..try and forgive yourself cos i've forgiven you........Now that i know what's going on with this item i will wait for you to get it  and remember to also check the receipt given to you when you are about shipping it again and ask them where the tracking number is..but i know it's always at the top right or left of the receipt ....also tell them that you want it to get to the destination as fast as possible......
i will send you the shipping address once again so as to avoid any mistake again during shipping......
hope to read from you soon.......

MAY THE GRACE OF GOD ABIDE WITH YOU......

====================
Jesus, Dorris, did you suddenly become a preacher? I feel like I was just blessed by the pope....She gets antsy again...
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Dorris lizzy to me
Hope i've not really cause you much stress please i will like to hear from you time to time about everything  going on with this item cos my son is really on my neck for this item ............please kindly get me updated...and moreover, how is your work going..hope no problem at all....


===============
Awww, your poor imaginary-son really needs this macbook, huh? She also asks about my work, not really sure where that came from, but again, I decide to roll with it:
=================

Me to Dorris
oh stop apologizing dorris! you haven't done anything wrong here, i'm the one who has made the mistakes and i am clearly at fault. i apologize a thousand times for this, and i'm glad you are being so reasonable. i still have not received the macbook back, but the post office clerk told me it should be back sometime this week.

apologize to your son for me too, i'm sure he is as good of a person as you are dorris, and both of you don't deserve to be dragged into this whole mess of a transaction.

my work is quite good lately! i am a gay actor, typically landing smaller roles in lower budget romantic comedies. i'm sure you haven't seen anything i've been in, but i hope to one day make it to the big leagues in Hollywood!

i'll be in touch dorris, if i hear anything about the package on its way back to me i will surely let you know.

xoxo
-Will

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Gay actor? I can't see her falling for it, but my fingers are crossed
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Dorris lizzy to me
OKAY.. i'm sure you will make it to the hollywood very soon cos you've met someone called blessing and prosperity....you will continually multiply...


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Uhhhh, thanks Dorris? I really don't even know what that email says...
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I WILL UPDATE THIS AS MORE EMAILS ARE EXCHANGED!