[3:34 AM] THE WORST: hebby
[3:34 AM] THE WORST: she just wanted reassurance
[3:35 AM] HEBBY: And I've given it to her so many times!
[3:35 AM] HEBBY: What am I supposed to do??
[3:35 AM] HEBBY: She doesn't ever believe me
[3:35 AM] THE WORST: give her reassurance
[3:35 AM] HEBBY: I did!
[3:35 AM] HEBBY: And then she'll be back in two days accusing me again
[3:35 AM] THE WORST: she's not accusing you of jack shit, hebby
[3:35 AM] THE WORST: she tried very hard to make it obvious she wasn't accusing you
[3:35 AM] THE WORST: repeatedly
[3:36 AM] THE WORST: and you're taking her anxiety as an attack
[3:36 AM] HEBBY: Well I am very dumb apparently lmao
[3:36 AM] HEBBY: whatever
[3:38 AM] HEBBY: Am I just! Not allowed? To vent because this kind of thing gives ME anxiety and I wanted to! vent and idk! I just neded a place? and once again I am wrong? again i dont know.
[3:39 AM] THE WORST: 1. this is how you would deal with me when i brought up issues like this. you would show me what i was doing wrong, i'm returning the favor.
2. i'm very sorry you're anxious, but you need to be aware of the energy you're sending out
[3:40 AM] THE WORST: 3. you've told people, repeatedly, that you want them to come to you with issues
[3:40 AM] THE WORST: this is what that looks like
[3:40 AM] THE WORST: if you don't want people coming to you with issues, then you need to change your statement
[3:41 AM] THE WORST: you've said repetedly that you WANT people talking to you
[3:41 AM] HEBBY: I want them tocome to me with issues when I've DONE something
[3:41 AM] THE WORST: and when they do, you take it as an accusation
[3:41 AM] HEBBY: Not when I've been fucking busy with work and losing drive!
[3:42 AM] THE WORST: hebby, she's aware you've been busy with work and losing drive. she's not accusing you of anything
[3:42 AM] THE WORST: she wanted to bring up her anxiety to make things clear, and recieve a calm reassurance that says "oh, no, it's not you, i've been busy with work and losing drive"
[3:42 AM] HEBBY: "I feel like you don't want to RP Fiend with me specifically" felt like an accusation to me
[3:43 AM] THE WORST: she was trying to express the anxiety you have told her to express
[3:43 AM] THE WORST: she knew it was anxiety
[3:43 AM] THE WORST: she just wanted to make sure
[3:43 AM] THE WORST: an accusation would've been
[3:43 AM] HEBBY: whatever okay fine
[3:43 AM] THE WORST: "well it's not MY fault you don't want to rp fiend with me"
[3:43 AM] HEBBY: i'm done
[3:43 AM] HEBBY: i cant handle it
[3:43 AM] THE WORST: okay?
[3:43 AM] HEBBY: Seriously it feels like
[3:43 AM] HEBBY: Any time
[3:43 AM] HEBBY: I have a complaint. I'm wrong. I shouldn't be wrong
[3:44 AM] HEBBY: I should just know better
[3:44 AM] HEBBY: And accept it
[3:44 AM] THE WORST: that's not what anyone is saying, hebby
[3:44 AM] HEBBY: I can't go to anyone
[3:44 AM] HEBBY: Because I'm always told what I'm doing wrong even though I didn't d O anything
[3:44 AM] THE WORST: Yeah
[3:45 AM] THE WORST: now you know how i feel lmfao
[3:45 AM] HEBBY: : )
[3:45 AM] HEBBY: Sorry
[3:45 AM] HEBBY: I'll get out of your fucking hair
[3:45 AM] HEBBY: I already apologized about last fucking week
[3:45 AM] HEBBY: and I told you I am going to work on it
[3:45 AM] HEBBY: and now that's the rest of my life isnt it
[3:46 AM] HEBBY: And Hedj freaked me out and I got anxious
[3:46 AM] HEBBY: and now I'm told "hebby ur wrong u should have just did this" when idk I would have appreciated a "oh man I'm sorry she freaked you out but this is not what you think"
[3:46 AM] HEBBY: But  Idon't
[3:46 AM] HEBBY: get that
[3:46 AM] HEBBY: because I'm the big? bad or something I really don't get it.
[3:46 AM] HEBBY: I didn't do a goddamn thing today
[3:46 AM] THE WORST: because you get what you give
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: Sorry if this sounds familiar but
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: Slick what the fuck did I do today
[3:47 AM] THE WORST: today??
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: Yes
[3:47 AM] THE WORST: i'm not talking about today.
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: sjdfhsjkdhfkjsdf
[3:47 AM] THE WORST: the behavior which i'm patterning has nothing to do with today
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: YOU MEAN THE THING I ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR? THE THING I'M REALLY TRYING TO FIX
[3:47 AM] THE WORST: no?? lmfao???
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: I'm! Sorry!
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: Okay!
[3:47 AM] HEBBY: I'm really fucking sorry about that
[3:48 AM] HEBBY: If I could go back and fix it I would, I regret it a whole lot
[3:48 AM] HEBBY: I am sorry I'm so cold, I am trying so hard but I am stupid as Fuck and not on Purpose
[3:49 AM] HEBBY: but I have anxiety too, I have anger problems, I've been trying to work on them my whole life, and I don't get sympathy from anyone and it sucks Lmao but I am trying ! to be sympahetic and I don't know what to do   ? rigth now
[3:49 AM] HEBBY: I'm sorry i've been a shity friend
[3:49 AM] HEBBY: If this is not a salt chat at all then I will not complain anymore here about anything I won't make a mistake anymore
[3:49 AM] HEBBY: I'll keep it to myself
[3:49 AM] THE WORST: okay.. i'm sorry for bringing it back to you. it was unfair of me. i know i'm trying to work myself out too and i've been trying my best to work through things and picking up a lot of behavior from you, bc, tbh, i don't entirely know how to do things as much as i used to
[3:50 AM] THE WORST: used to i was fully able to continue on with my regular behavior but my regular behavior was unacceptable
[3:50 AM] THE WORST: so i guess i was kind of using you as a model, because you seemed to have it figured out
[3:50 AM] THE WORST: but it doesn't really work either way
[3:51 AM] HEBBY: I do not, I just know pushing away people constantly or being really mean to them wasn't the way. I am NOT perfect. My way isn't necessarily better. ANd I do think you have been doing a lot better!
[3:51 AM] HEBBY: But don't? try to be me because I am ugly and awful when I am angry
[3:51 AM] HEBBY: And I've been fighting that part of me for Years
[3:51 AM] HEBBY: Easily since i was 13 or younger
[3:51 AM] HEBBY: I really am proud of you for apologizing to your friends and making a change.
[3:52 AM] HEBBY: And I know I am very disappointing as a person
[3:52 AM] HEBBY: because I fall backwards a lot more than move forward
[3:52 AM] HEBBY: But I am not anyone special
[3:52 AM] HEBBY: I just know I have some things I find really deplorable, and I try not to encourage them
[3:53 AM] HEBBY: I don't believe that you all of this recent behavior of yours was you emulating me
[3:53 AM] HEBBY: It can't be
[3:53 AM] HEBBY: because you've handled a lot of situations better than I could
[3:53 AM] HEBBY: Because i step out, I don't put myself into other peoples' anxiety because i physically can't handle it
[3:54 AM] HEBBY: The only thing I'm good for is a slap in the face and I hate doing it so I step back
[3:54 AM] HEBBY: I guess it must really be frustrating for you to see me get anxious
[3:54 AM] HEBBY: because like. there goes hebby, 28 years old and should know better, should have everything figured out but she doesn't
[3:55 AM] HEBBY: But I'm still trying
[3:55 AM] HEBBY: I know Hedj isn't Public Enemy #1
[3:55 AM] HEBBY: I know she's not Out to Get Me
[3:55 AM] HEBBY: I just get stressed out because I don't know how to help her when it feels like nothing I do or say will ever have her believe me
[3:56 AM] HEBBY: I've had friends in the past want reassurance from me and then get angry when the reassurances dont help anymore
[3:56 AM] HEBBY: I get on Edge
[3:56 AM] THE WORST: you just extend reassurance and tell her, even if it's hollow, "this isn't how things are"
[3:56 AM] THE WORST: anxiety is a bitch, esp when you've got it as bad as hedj
[3:56 AM] THE WORST: and nothing you do is ever gonna "fix" her, but that's not your job
[3:57 AM] HEBBY: I've got it bad too but. Idk. I've been trying really really hard to not be controlled. I hope Hedj can gather some kind of control over it.
[3:59 AM] HEBBY: night
[4:00 AM] THE WORST: i think she can't really control it
[4:00 AM] THE WORST: night, hebby. sorry it's so late and such a sour note
[4:00 AM] THE WORST: hugs you??
[10:07 AM] HEBBY: So upon waking up and after having kind of a melt down last night.

I think how you responded to me was really unfair and unkind. I know I was awful last week but I've been trying to do better. If this is a "no salt, no vent" zone and my venting about hedj made you uncomfortable, then next time just say so so I won't vent or salt in here.

But the way you went right for my throat immediately really hurt my feelings.
[10:10 AM] THE WORST: i'm sorry, yeah, it was super unkind and unfair of me
[10:10 AM] THE WORST: i knew it was unfair but it wasn't really clicking that it wasn't the right thing to do
[10:10 AM] THE WORST: and i'm sorry about that
[10:12 AM] THE WORST: it's fine for you to vent here, i'm going to be more understanding in the future