Oh my god my dad tried to print a video,

Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one,
Mood to the max,
Tubular a f,
Groovy, i hate it,
If she breathes, she’s a square,

Hot take, westley is way too dramatic and extra to not be bisexual,
He can fence with either hand, if you catch my drift,
By this logic, which is utterly impeccable, so is inigo,
Oh course he is, that was the most flirtatious sword fight in cinematic history, you could literally cut the sexual tension with 2 swords,

Girls will say they busy and be in their bed relaxing or sleep,
Sounds busy to me,
Busy minding my business,

Found an old p c monitor,
What website is that,
The only good one,

Me with a cursed amulet,
Me, but it makes me look cute and the shadow that follows me makes me active, i get out more,

I hate when i show my grandma a funny video or pic and she asks, who is that?, i don’t fucking know grandma just laugh and give me my phone back,

I been alive for 25 years, never seen a chinese restaurant commercial,

Wait, hogwarts was established in the 10th century,
But sinks were not invented until the 18th century,
So how did salazar slytherin mark the chamber of secrets with a form of indoor plumbing which would not be invented for another 800 years?,
Looks for inconsistencies in a book about wizards,

Other things to do to a drunken sailor,
Draw a dick on his face in sharpie,
Add his boss as a friend on facebook,
Eat the last of his nutella,
Text his ex with a you up?, message,
Tell the i r s he owes back taxes,
Log in to g mail and change his password,
Every single one of these fits the rhythm of the song, i sang each one of them,
My mom’s addition was always hit him in the face with a vicks inhaler,
I don’t know why this is so funny, but it is,
Sing it, go on, i’ll wait,

How can lawyers argue without crying,
I am a lawyer and let me tell you it gets like super close dude,

Wait,
What did i say again,
My life on snapchat,

What are the strongest days of the week?,
Saturday and sunday, the rest are weekdays,
Stop unfollowing me,

Don’t feel bad if you’re sensitive to negative feedback because apparently after one particular bad review hans christian andersen was found just sobbing while lying face down in the dirt,

When do you feel the most beautiful?,
When a dog pulls on his leash on the sidewalk because he wants to come say hi to me,

Guy who invented the piano, what if we laid a harp on its side and added hammers,
Musician, you clumsy oaf, you just knocked over my harp with your tool box,
Guy who’s about to invent the piano, oh, haven’t you heard?,
How dare you take this mediocre shit post and make it genuinely funny,

Your bed is probably as happy to see you as you are to see it, here comes the warmth slab, it thinks,
Wrong it thinks, god hope this dip shit doesn’t spill beans all over me again who t f eats beans in bed,
Stop reblogging this new year new me, i haven’t spilled beans in bed once this year,
Uh oh,

If you’re ever feeling down just remember that 52 k australians have signed a petition to change the australian currency to dollarydoos,

A cat whose feet are small cats,
Make good choices,
My mom will embroider anything i sent her a picture of,
I’ve been exclusively sending her surreal drawings i’ve made in class,

Just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonar,
We can too you’re just not skilled yet,
Me helicoptering my dick so the cops can’t triangulate my cell phone signal,

Aperture laboratories,
Dihydrogen monoxide containment unit, warning, may cause diaphoresis micturition and acute tissue hydration,
May cause sweating, peeing, and adequate hydration,
Its a water bottle,
Want,

Ease off the ass,
No?,

When someone reading in class and your name is in the story,

Competitive multiplayer game where one person plays a baby and another person has to go around baby proofing their house and the baby’s goal is to kill itself as fast as possible,
I would buy the shit out of this game,

Drake?,
Josh?,
Where’s the body of christ?,

I googled, why do cats run around and meow at night, and one of the results listed this as a cause,
Simple zest for life,

Water bending at its finest,
Dear white people,
Please stop cosplaying as p o c characters,
Thank you,
Sincerely,
Everyone,
Dear little missandry,
Anyone can cosplay as anyone or anything they want, also that’s the actual voice actress for kora, the literally is the avatar,
Thank you,
Sincerely,
The smitten kitten,
Slammed,

What’s he doing,
His best,

I am going to punch you in the mouth,
With my own mouth,
Softly,
Because i like you,

This pepper is way too small,
Can you please put a little blanket or a tiny sweater on him,
Because he’s a little chili,

Defeated by finals week, this kid was on the baseball field at 2 30 a m making crop circles,
College is a fucked up place,
Finals fried this kid’s brain so bad that he’s trying to communicate with another plant to get him the fuck out of here before next year’s finals,
Plant,

Everyone has that one person on facebook who got pregnant, had a kid and now believe they have wisdom beyond their years and does vegan yoga,
The person in question i know named their child, novali galileo starshine, and apparently has a business of making jewelry out of resin cast breast milk,
I’m confident everyone can relate to the original post but i don’t think anybody could have expected that twist,

The, what if we kissed, meme is just a way for us to be touch starved on main without looking desperate,
What if we kissed,
On this call out post,
And we’re both girls,

Some of the beatles early photo shoots confuse the hell out of me like what,

Me and my friend couldn’t breath yesterday at the thought of a whale with legs wearing stilettos, can you please draw one?,
Have fun laughing again,

Is it data or data,
Is it route or route,
Is it caramel or caramel,
Is it either or either,
Is it read or read,
Is it lead or lead,
Maybe its maybelline,
I hate how any english speaker knows exactly what’s happening here,

Got an oil change and the guy told me i needed a tire rotation, l m a o, the tires are rotating every time i drive it, that’s how it works, idiot,

Was walking to a quilting circle today and i walked past the cemetery and i audibly said, look at those colorful tombstones, ya got blue and green, but them i saw the excavator as well and i realized they were, in fact, porta potties,

The earth, is a cup,
Explain,
Holds things,

Rides into battle on a gym class butt scooter,
Runs over fingers, fuck abort mission, a bort fucking mission god damn it,

I thought this site was shutting down
Why are you all still here,
We’re keeping it hentai free,

There’s a fucking furry at the mall,
What the hell is an easter bunny,
Church sanctioned fursona,
Aslan?,

Holy bible,
This is what happens when i have no assignments over the weekend,
The pink tabs are for murder, purple for human or animal sacrifice, blue for rape, yellow for slavery, and green for misogyny,
That’s a lot of murder,
Did you just read the entire bible over the weekend,

Hearts be like, bump bump bump l o l,
Can’t relate,

I called my friend just now and said, i have a joke for you,
Friend, okay shoot,
Me, what has a tiny penis and hangs down?,
Friend, i dunno what?,
Me, a bat, now what has an enormous penis and hangs up?,
Friend, i dunno what?,
Click,
This is not a bad joke jeff, this is the pinnacle of comedy,

In a constant state of, how dare you assume i know what i’m doing, but also, don’t you dare question me or what i’m doing,
I have no idea what i’m doing and you can’t stop me,
Artists and writers have so much to say about this post,

Enters with a bad powerpoint animation effect,
Hello,

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection,
This is the funniest thing i have ever read,

So the gif set didn’t load correctly,
Woth the taste of your lops i’m on a rode,

Dog names, spot, bella, bailey, charlie, daisy,
Cat names, princess, whiskers, tony, tiger, missy,
Horse names, infinite sleep, can do without moving, thirty giant children, the void is among the spirit realm, awesome man,

In a haunted house, walls start bleeding and spell 6 6 6,
Pulls out sharpie and makes it 6 9 6 9 6 9,
Wall bleeds just a little bit more below it spelling out n i c e,

In movies,
person, sees blood stain,
person, touches it,
person,
person,
person,
person, blood,

Just precisely how bad was the 15 hundreds jerusalem at making maps, you ask?, well,
This, is a fidget spinner,
Reblog if you believe in fidget spinner earth,

What do you say to simba if he is walking slowly,
Mufasa,

What the hell is that fox doing?,
Probably making a withdrawal seeing as he’s in line at the a t m,
My favorite part about this picture is that people saw the fox there and just started queuing behind it,
Well yeah, cutting in line is rude,

When you hear someone talking shit about you,

What happened in 19 15,
We don’t talk about 19 15,
At least they eventually realized they should start filling the bottles with coke,

I think babies run in my family because every time one of my family members give birth its always a baby,

Shakira is 93 years old and she still looks hotter and plays soccer better than you in a long ass dress, just let that sink in,
First of all how dare you say shakira is 93 years old,
Shakira,
Born, shakira isabel mebarak ripoll,
February 2, 19 21, ages 93,

This is a booty appreciation zone,

Very fast dog running at incredible high speed,
Thank you,

You can control white people by giving them cheese,
Cheese is so good though,
I got one,

Crucifixes with super buff looking jesuses are always odd to me, like damn did jesus die for our gains as well?,
Crossfit,

Please, stop praying for my grandpa,
You are making him too strong, he broke out of the hospital and the cops can’t get him, he’s too powerful,

Hello boys i have a question, can you feel our boobs when we do the hug,
We can feel your boobs when we do the hug sorry,
Another question, does it feel weird?, you know the whole boob thing,
It feels good again sorry,
One more question, does your penis float in water?,
Yes,
I like how there were seven different people speaking one dialogue,

I have a tab open of a picture of harriet tubman that i switch to whenever my parents walk in and think i’m doing homework,
I think i’ve been doing it since fifth grade i d k why they haven’t caught on i just stare intently at the picture until they leave,

Son, i found your fedora, at first i thought you were a brony and i was going to be very disappointed, but then i found your giant stash of checkered vans and hawaiian shirts, ska punk forever, son, ska punk forever,

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, this bitch empty yeet,

You call it, really bad at darts, i call it freestyle acupuncture,
Sir i’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar,

I had a dream that i was walking around in a shirt with stalks of corn all over it and somebody was like, w t f are you wearing?, and i said, its a crop top, i laughed so hard that i woke up,

Look, the only live action disney remake i want is the emperor’s new groove and i want there to be no c g i, i want kuzco to be played by two actors in a cheap llama costume,

When your straight friend about to do something stupid,
Heterodon’t,
Why did i laugh so hard,

Golly fucking gosh what a nice day for surfing,