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HARRY SAMPSON IV NEVER EXISTED.

a guest Jul 11th, 2019 93 Never
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  1. In exchange for POSSIBLE leniency from a female enemy of his, the entity formerly known as HARRY SAMPSON IV, has agreed to
  2.  
  3. A) NEVER HAVE A PRESENCE ON ANY SOCIAL NETWORK FOR THE REST OF HIS NATURAL LIFE NO MATTER HIS LIFE, PHYSICAL, MENTAL, POLITICAL OR SPIRITUAL STATUS.
  4. B) NEVER HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH ANY, REPEAT, ANY, MEMBER OF THE FEMALE GENDER THE REST OF HIS NATURAL LIFE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO ALL LEVELS OF SOCIAL INTERACTIONS ONLINE AND OFFLINE, SUPPORTING ANY FEMALE ARTISTS OR CELEBRITIES ON ANY LEVEL, ATTENDING ANY AND ALL CONCERTS OF ANY KIND OF ANY ARTIST, EXCEPT WHERE COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY UNAVOIDABLE, SUCH AS ONE TIME CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT/PROFESSIONAL CONTACTS IN STORES, DOCTOR OFFICES, GOVERNMENTAL OFFICES, ETC... THIS EDICT NO LONGER EXCLUDES ANY REMAINING FEMALE FAMILY MEMBERS.
  5. C) AGREES NEVER TO SET FOOT IN CAMDEN COUNTY, NJ AGAIN FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, EXCEPT TO PASS THROUGH ON HIS WAY TO LEAVING THE EASTERN SEABOARD FOREVER, IN WHICH CASE ONLY THE AREAS IMMEDIATELY SURROUNDING (AS IN WITHIN 500 FEET OF) TRAIN STATIONS ARE PERMISSIBLE
  6. E) AGREES NOT TO PUBLICLY ADMIT TO HAVING ANY INTERESTS IN COMMON WITH THE SUBJECT TO BE AVOIDED ABOVE ALL ELSE, EVEN IF THE PARTY TO BE AVOIDED IS NOT REFERENCED OR ALLUDED TO IN ANY WAY.
  7. D) AGREES TO VACATE THE EASTERN SEABOARD AND ANY AND ALL POPULATED AREAS OF THE NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT AT EARLIEST FINANCIAL ABILITY -PERMANENTLY-
  8. E) IF ANY OF A-D ARE UNATTAINABLE OR UNSUSTAINABLE FOR ANY REASON, BOTH WITHIN AND OUTSIDE OF THE ENTITY FORMERLY KNOWN AS HARRY SAMPSON IV'S CONTROL, AFOREMENTIONED FORMER PERSON AGREES TO -COMMIT SUICIDE WITHIN 24 HOURS- OR ELSE SUFFER A FATE SO MUCH WORSE THAN DEATH THAT EVEN A CONCENTRATION CAMP WOULD SEEM LIKE HEAVEN BY COMPARISON.
  9. F) AGREES TO COMMIT SUICIDE AT THE EARLIEST ACHIEVABLE OPPORTUNITY THAT DOES NOT POSE HARM TO ANYONE ELSE YET GUARANTEES SUCCESS.
  10.  
  11. THESE COMMANDMENTS, BEING THE LAST OPTION TO FORESTALL DISASTER HE HAS LEFT, ALL OTHERS HAVING FAILED REPEATEDLY, ARE HEREBY ETCHED IN PROVERBIAL STONE AND SEALED INTO HIS SOUL AS SURELY AS HIS BIRTHDATE WAS, AND THUS ARE IRREVOCABLE AND IRREVERSIBLE.
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