__Kaguya wants to :KaguyaShock: or Shirogane wants to :ShiroDed:__

*Scene: Student Council room with only Kaguya and Ishigami. Ishigami brushes past Kaguya and notices the Discord icon on her phone*

Ishigami:
Oh, Shinomiya-senpai, you have Discord?

Kaguya:
Yeah, I do.

Narrator:
Discord Servers.

Originally designed for gaming clans, this social media application is now used for a variety of internet communities.

Most people use Discord with an innocent intention. However, there is always the questionable few in every community.

Kaguya:
I only got it because one of my friends uses it for her dance group.

She suggested to create a server with the rest of the council to help people who have problems.

Ishigami:
That’s a great idea, Shinomiya-senpai!

Since you have Discord now, I’ll invite you to the Kaguya-sama server.

*On Kaguya’s phone is presented a Discord invite to the Kaguya-sama: Love is War Discord server*

Kaguya:
What? Why is there a server with my name on it? (internal monologue: how could they use my name like that!)

Ishigami:
Oh, Kose-san and Kino-san made the server in praise of your accomplishments as vice-president in the student council.

However, the server just became the general Shuchiin Academy server. I guess they just never changed the name. (monologue: must be nice to have a lot of fans)

Kaguya:
I see. I guess there is no problem with that, although I feel uncomfortable with my name being the name of the server. I’ll ask if they can change it later.

*Kaguya’s phone is presented with a welcome message from the bot. The welcome message contains a picture of Kaguya in her signature “oo kawaii koto” pose.*

Kaguya:
Wow, this server really is about me.

*A user named Arian begins typing a personal welcome message*

Kaguya:
Hey, Arian seems like a nice person. He’s helping me with navigating the server!

Ishigami:
Yeah, Arian’s a nice guy.

Narrator:
Most welcoming messages when joining Discord servers for the first time are insincere - normally copied and pasted messages impersonal to the person being welcomed.

However, Arian hand types his messages and even includes a little emote to show that he is doing this out of his own will.

*Fujiwara walks in the room*

Fuji:
Hey guys! Kaguya, it’s weird seeing you on your phone in school. What are you doing?

Kaguya:
Oh, Ishigami-kun just invited me to my Discord server. It’s quite ni-

*sudden shock from Fuji*

Fuji:
YOUR DISCORD SERVER?

NO! DON’T JOIN! IT’S A SOURCE OF PURE EVIL! IT’S TERRIFYING! EVERYONE THERE LIKES TO LEWD ANIME CHARACTERS!!

Ishigami:
Fujiwara-senpai, not everyone on the server is like that. They’re all contained in the NSFW channels anyway. Just make sure to stay away from-

*Kaguya is standing shocked. She clicked on the “fanart-and-media” channel. The first image she sees is a picture of her and Shirogane kissing*

Ishigami:
What’s wrong, Shinomiya-senpai?

Kaguya:
(internal monologue: Why is there art of me and Shirogane?)

*she recollects her senses*

O-oh it’s nothing. Just confused about navigating the server.

Narrator:
Kaguya realised that she could use this to her advantage.

Kaguya:
(monologue: If I can get the prez to see this image, seeing his face get flustered will be hilarious!)

Narrator:
All Kaguya has to do now is get Shirogane on the server.

Fuji:
Have you seen the fan-art of Kaguya-san and Shirogane-san?! It’s Lewd! LEWD!

Kaguya:
Damnit, of course she knows about this! I just gotta let her not tell the prez about it.

Fujiwara-san, I’d prefer if you were quiet about this.

Fuji:
Kaguya-san, are you not embarrassed by this?!

Kaguya:
Not really, if anything I think it’s cute that these people like to think we’re in a relationship

And it’s not doing me or the president any harm, so I’m fine with it.

*Shirogane walks in*

Shirogane:
Oh, everyone’s here. Why are you all on your phones?

Fuji:
(internal monologue: okay boomer)

Ishigami:
Oh, we’re in Shinomiya-senpai’s Discord server. I remember inviting you some time ago but you never joined.

Narrator:
Shirogane was too accustomed to Line to use Discord. He uses Line religiously and converting him from Line to Discord is the equivalent of converting a Team-speak user to Skype.

Shirogane:
Oh, I never noticed. I do have Discord downloaded, but I never had a purpose for it.

*Shirogane opens Discord and clicks the invite link sent by Ishigami*

Shirogane:
Hey, this is pretty neat. I like it.

Fuji:
PRES, NOT YOU TOO!!

Ishigami:
Fujiwara-senpai, for the last time, everything that is evil is contained in the server! It’s fine!

*A text box is next to Ishigami that says Ishigami: Frequently browses the NSFW channels in the server*

*Shirogane is frozen as well, he clicked on the fanart-and-media channel and saw the same image of him and Kaguya kissing*

Shirogane:
(Internal monologue: Damnit, did the secret get leaked!? No, it couldn’t have, Kaguya wouldn’t tell anyone and give up her pride. However, I might be able to get her to see this. Seeing her flustered is quite cute, after all!)

Narrator:
Unlike Line, Discord doesn’t have a read flag. Therefore, neither of them know that the other has actually already read the message!

Fuji:
Ach! Why am I muted on this server?

Ishigami:
It’s because you wouldn’t shut up about Oregairu and 5toubou. I had to mute you for your inconsideration.

Fuji:
Ishigami-kun! You’re so mean!!!

*Kaguya and Shirogane stare at their phone with devious intent. Shirogane looks up*

Shirogane:
Shinomiya-san, have you seen the fanar-

*Suddenly, a new picture pops up. It’s a picture of Kaguya and Shirogane undressed and in the bathtub together!*

*Kaguya gets flustered and runs out of the room*

Kaguya: Lewd! This server is lewd!!

*Kaguya drops her phone*

Ishigami: Shinomiya-senpai!

Shirogane:
(internal monologue: Hehe, she probably saw that piece and dropped her phone in shock! haha!)

*Fuji picks up the phone and sees a new message. It’s a yuri piece between Fuji and Kaguya*

Fuji:
AH! I TOLD YOU! THIS COUNTRY IS LEWD! AND YURI NONETHELESS!

Shirogane:
(internal monologue: Wait, that picture wasn’t yuri! It must be a new image. I gotta see what it is.)

*Shirogane opens up the piece. He feints at the sight of Kaguya and Fuji kissing*

Fuji:
Ishigami! Moderate your server better!!

Ishigami:
I can’t be on the server 24/7! Stop blaming me for this school’s lewdness!

Narrator:
Today’s battle: The Discord Server wins.