i'll preface this by saying that we started off as friends and through the thick and the thin, it was out of friendship that we helped each other. But over time, a different feeling grew in parallel to that and i tried to put it aside because i knew if it had surfaced, it would ruin everything.

But i guess now is the time. i want to live freely and have my emotions be heard. I trust your intelligence to separate the two sides of how i see you and hopefully, sometime down the track, I can that person i was to you again. it's just the longer i drag this out, the more it will hurt. I've sent this to you on a Friday even though I wrote it Monday night because I don't want this to weigh on your mind as you see patients.

Initially i thought you were weird and quite obtrusive, to be honest. but really over time you've showed that this is your way of caring. it's not the saccharine sweetness but the relentless consistency that makes someone feel cared for. it helped me through a lot. It's rare to come across someone so equally and immensely: kind and attentive and beautiful.

I think the biggest change came from when we met up. I remember your effortless smile, the way you hold the umbrella over me, the cadence in your movement, the way you so elegantly reached for your wallet and tapped your card. Even though it was a wet and cold day, standing beside you made me feel like i was next to a cracking fireplace and i want that feeling to stay by my side.

if you feel like you can't get close to me again, i understand. I can still just be your friend. Thank you for reading this.