from	shasha1221@aol.com
to	jkurtz@gmail.com
date	Sun, Oct 24, 2010 at 8:50 AM
subject	Re: (No subject)
mailed-by	aol.com
hide details 8:50 AM (15 minutes ago)
Why thank you Jason. Not trite at all.



-----Original Message-----
From: Jason Kurtz <jkurtz@gmail.com>
To: shasha1221@aol.com
Sent: Sun, Oct 24, 2010 8:31 am
Subject: Re: (No subject)

I will say this, I'm sure you don't need random stranger therapy over the internet- but you should probably seek someone out you can trust and confide in to talk about this with.  Kirk does not sound like good news for you and it'll be tough (ie., impossible) to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who is not healthy themselves.  It's trite advice, but you should focus on yourself first and let him sort out his issues.  Alcohol abuse can destroy relationships and lives.

Sorry for speaking out of turn, but having been involved in similar situations in the past I couldn't help but feel sympathy for your situation.


Jason

On Sun, Oct 24, 2010 at 7:59 AM, Jason Kurtz <jkurtz@gmail.com> wrote:
Sorry... Wrong e-mail address.

Jason


- Hide quoted text -
On Sun, Oct 24, 2010 at 7:53 AM,  <shasha1221@aol.com> wrote:
I'll start by saying I apologize if my actions, or lack there of,
wounded you.
yet..
I am disappointed in last night.

When I say this..I'm coming from a place of long thought and deep love
for you and us.

I choose to function, in most all I do, with you in my head & heart for
the sake of us and this relationship. I am always thinking about what
you would say, or how you would act or what you would do, in damn near
ever situation. you are always on my mind.
Naturally you can see the disconnect when events, such as this, occur.
I realize you are not me, and that yes you do feel inclined to behave
differently and drink - and drink to a point where you behave the way
you do- and you may love to do that and choose to keep doing that. I
respect that, because I respect you.
with that said...

Its not the drinking that hurts, its the person you become when you
drink. It's the hurtful, nasty, spiteful things you say and do that
hurts.
I get all the shit you won't face & confront, when not drinking, tossed
at me when you do drink.
I get the nasty.
This relationship is too beautiful and real for it to suffer from this.

I admit, I was deeply frustrated and knew I would have few words of
encouragement which is why I chose to text or just not call, but know
this: I felt absolute panic and frustration, followed by laughter, then
anger and ultimately hurt. pain in my heart. in my gut.
Because it goes beyond you, it's not just Kirk anymore, its about us,
me & you. And nothing about tonight's actions were done for us.

This relationship is a commitment, a compromise in all we do, everyday,
to be choosing life in a way that benefits both, equally and lovingly.
That the choices we make will ultimately provide growth and
understanding and that we do these things to be better for each other
and as people.

More than ever I want you to know this isn't an ultimatum. not in the
least. We're not done, we have years to go. Its a plea for us, as the
loving adults we are, to re-examine what we want out of this
relationship. To be honest. And to know that healthy love can't exist
without open, respectful communication and growth.

Some behaviors will have to change on your part. And some will on mine
as well. I'll give till the end, and this isn't the end. I know it. And
you know it. I love you as much as you do me, which is tremendously,
and is why this hurts so so bad.

When you decide to make time for this I'm ready, but only if you want
it.
I love you Kirk Watson...probably more than you can handle :)
ox