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- 0
- 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000
- INDOXXI
- Support dengan like & share :)
- 1
- 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:15,125
- ⪠Don't you ever feel sad âª
- 2
- 00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,375
- Come on.
- 3
- 00:01:17,458 --> 00:01:19,833
- ⪠Lean on me when times are bad âª
- 4
- 00:01:19,916 --> 00:01:21,000
- Asshole!
- 5
- 00:01:21,083 --> 00:01:23,125
- ⪠When the day comes âª
- 6
- 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,041
- Hey!
- 7
- 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,375
- ⪠And you're down âª
- 8
- 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:30,250
- ⪠In a river of trouble, baby
- And I've got to swim out âª
- 9
- 00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:34,916
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 10
- 00:01:36,125 --> 00:01:40,250
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 11
- 00:01:40,916 --> 00:01:44,666
- ⪠I'm on my way, your lover âª
- 12
- 00:01:45,791 --> 00:01:49,500
- ⪠If you get cold, I'll be your cover âª
- 13
- 00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:55,000
- ⪠Don't have to worry, 'cause I'm here âª
- 14
- 00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,375
- Sorry about that.
- 15
- 00:01:56,458 --> 00:01:59,500
- ⪠Don't have to suffer, baby
- 'Cause I was here âª
- 16
- 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:04,625
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 17
- 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:09,875
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 18
- 00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:14,541
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 19
- 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:19,458
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 20
- 00:02:20,416 --> 00:02:22,291
- ⪠Reach out to me âª
- 21
- 00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:27,083
- ⪠For your satisfaction âª
- 22
- 00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:33,208
- ⪠All you have to do is call my name âª
- 23
- 00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:36,458
- ⪠For quick reaction âª
- 24
- 00:02:36,541 --> 00:02:38,791
- ⪠Hey, yeah, yeah âª
- 25
- 00:02:39,833 --> 00:02:41,833
- ⪠Yeah, yeah, yeah âª
- 26
- 00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:44,708
- Enjoy your stay.
- 27
- 00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:03,958
- ⪠Don't you ever feel sad âª
- 28
- 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,875
- ⪠Lean on me when the times are bad âª
- 29
- 00:03:09,666 --> 00:03:14,291
- ⪠And when the day comes and you're down âª
- 30
- 00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:17,125
- ⪠In a river of trouble, baby âª
- 31
- 00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:18,916
- ⪠And I've got to swim out âª
- 32
- 00:03:19,875 --> 00:03:23,708
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 33
- 00:03:24,791 --> 00:03:28,666
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 34
- 00:03:29,541 --> 00:03:33,708
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 35
- 00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:38,750
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 36
- 00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:44,208
- ⪠Hold on, I'm comin' âª
- 37
- 00:03:47,166 --> 00:03:48,750
- ⪠I'm comin' âª
- 38
- 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:55,583
- Coming!
- 39
- 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,500
- Come on. Coming, coming, coming, coming.
- 40
- 00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,041
- -Hello. Hello?
- 41
- 00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:05,125
- Shoot. God!
- 42
- 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,166
- Hello! Oh, Jesus Christ!
- 43
- 00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:16,500
- Listen, what do you recommend
- for a catatonic fit in a parking garage?
- 44
- 00:04:16,583 --> 00:04:18,708
- I⦠Ugh, ask your doctor.
- 45
- 00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:20,875
- That's why I'm calling. He just canceled.
- 46
- 00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:22,208
- Can I come over?
- 47
- 00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:24,416
- Donald, you're about
- a day and a half early.
- 48
- 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,333
- -What am I supposed to do?
- -I just got in.
- 49
- 00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:28,916
- I'm not ready for you yet.
- Why did the prick cancel?
- 50
- 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,750
- I don't know.
- He said he was just too sick.
- 51
- 00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,791
- Why don't you tell him
- you're sicker than he is?
- 52
- 00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:34,083
- He already knows that.
- 53
- 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:37,458
- Okay, Donald, come on over,
- but bring a bag of ice.
- 54
- 00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:39,375
- Please do not give me any responsibility.
- 55
- 00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:41,458
- At this moment, I cannot cope
- with anything weightier
- 56
- 00:04:41,541 --> 00:04:43,083
- than the directions to your apartment.
- 57
- 00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:46,083
- If you want a cold martini when
- you get here, you'll cope with some ice.
- 58
- 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:48,333
- -I'll cope with some ice.
- -And hurry up.
- 59
- 00:05:07,791 --> 00:05:09,500
- I gotta go.
- 60
- 00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:15,833
- I was saying hello to an old friend.
- 61
- 00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:23,000
- What?
- 62
- 00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:29,958
- 10th and Broadway, please.
- 63
- 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:17,250
- Coming! Jesus Christ.
- 64
- 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,583
- -How did you get inside?
- -The street door was open.
- 65
- 00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:28,416
- -You want a drink?
- -Not until I've had my shower.
- 66
- 00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:31,125
- I want something to work out today.
- 67
- 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,083
- I'm gonna try to relax
- and enjoy something.
- 68
- 00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:48,125
- You in a blue funk because of the doctor?
- 69
- 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:52,166
- Christ, no.
- I was depressed long before I got there.
- 70
- 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:53,583
- This should pick you up.
- 71
- 00:06:53,666 --> 00:06:59,125
- I went shopping today,
- and I bought all sorts of goodies. Look.
- 72
- 00:06:59,958 --> 00:07:02,375
- -Sandalwood soap.
- -I feel better already.
- 73
- 00:07:02,458 --> 00:07:03,541
- -Mm-hmm.
- -What we got here?
- 74
- 00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:05,916
- Oh! Your very own toothbrush,
- 75
- 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,125
- because I am sick to death
- of you using mine.
- 76
- 00:07:08,208 --> 00:07:11,458
- -How do you think I feel?
- -You've had worse things in your mouth.
- 77
- 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:15,333
- Oh, also for you,
- something called "Control."
- 78
- 00:07:15,416 --> 00:07:17,333
- Notice nowhere is it called "hairspray."
- 79
- 00:07:17,416 --> 00:07:20,375
- Just simply "Control"
- and the words "for men"
- 80
- 00:07:20,458 --> 00:07:23,416
- written about 37 times
- all over the goddamn can.
- 81
- 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,416
- Yeah, it's called Butch Assurance.
- 82
- 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:28,583
- Well, it's still hairspray,
- no matter if they call it "balls."
- 83
- 00:07:28,666 --> 00:07:30,291
- It's all on your very own shelf,
- 84
- 00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:33,458
- which is to be labeled
- Donald's Saturday Night Douche Kit.
- 85
- 00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:42,083
- By the way, are you spending the night?
- 86
- 00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:45,541
- Nope, I'm driving back.
- 87
- 00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:48,791
- I still get very itchy
- when I'm in this town too long.
- 88
- 00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:50,666
- Why didn't the prick call you and cancel?
- 89
- 00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:52,583
- Suppose you'd driven
- all this way for nothing?
- 90
- 00:07:52,666 --> 00:07:54,333
- Why do you keep calling him a prick?
- 91
- 00:07:54,416 --> 00:07:55,500
- Who ever heard of an analyst
- 92
- 00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:58,625
- having a session with a patient
- for two hours on a Saturday evening?
- 93
- 00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:01,500
- He simply prefers to take Mondays off.
- 94
- 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,458
- He works late on Saturday
- taking Monday off?
- 95
- 00:08:04,541 --> 00:08:07,250
- What is he,
- a psychiatrist or a hairdresser?
- 96
- 00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:08,666
- Actually, he's both.
- 97
- 00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:11,083
- He shrinks my head and then combs me out.
- 98
- 00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:15,416
- Besides, I had to come in town
- for a birthday party anyway, right?
- 99
- 00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:17,333
- Oh, you had to remind me.
- 100
- 00:08:17,416 --> 00:08:19,625
- God, if there is one thing
- I'm not ready for,
- 101
- 00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:22,750
- it is five screaming queens
- singing "Happy Birthday."
- 102
- 00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:25,791
- -Who's coming?
- -I think you know everybody anyway.
- 103
- 00:08:25,875 --> 00:08:29,833
- I mean, the same old tired fairies
- you've seen around since day one.
- 104
- 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,500
- Actually, you know what?
- 105
- 00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:34,416
- There will be seven,
- counting Harold and you and me.
- 106
- 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:37,083
- Are you calling me
- a screaming queen or a tired fairy?
- 107
- 00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:38,500
- Oh, I beg your pardon.
- 108
- 00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:41,250
- There will be six tired,
- screaming fairy queens
- 109
- 00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:42,750
- and one anxious queer.
- 110
- 00:08:43,833 --> 00:08:47,583
- I'll be out of your way in a second.
- I've only got one more thing to do.
- 111
- 00:08:47,666 --> 00:08:50,125
- Surgery? So early in the evening?
- 112
- 00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:51,416
- Sunt.
- 113
- 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,708
- -That's French with a cedilla.
- 114
- 00:08:53,791 --> 00:08:57,083
- I've got to comb my hair
- for the 37th time.
- 115
- 00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:59,041
- Hair, that's singular.
- 116
- 00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:03,208
- My hair, without exaggeration,
- is clearly falling on the floor.
- 117
- 00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:05,791
- You're totally paranoid.
- You've got plenty of hair.
- 118
- 00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:09,916
- No, what you see before you
- is a masterpiece of deception.
- 119
- 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,166
- My hairline starts about here.
- 120
- 00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:15,375
- All this is just tortured forward.
- 121
- 00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:16,958
- Look.
- 122
- 00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:19,958
- That's not good, huh?
- 123
- 00:09:20,916 --> 00:09:22,333
- It's not the greatest.
- 124
- 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,750
- - It's called getting old.
- 125
- 00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:33,041
- Oh, well.
- One thing you can say for masturbation:
- 126
- 00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:35,250
- you certainly don't have
- to look your best.
- 127
- 00:09:36,291 --> 00:09:40,375
- So what are you so depressed about?
- I mean, other than the usual everything?
- 128
- 00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:43,708
- I really don't want to get into it.
- 129
- 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,375
- Well, Donald,
- if you're not going to tell me,
- 130
- 00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,833
- then how can we have
- a conversation in depth?
- 131
- 00:09:48,916 --> 00:09:51,541
- A warm, rewarding, meaningful friendship.
- 132
- 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:52,833
- Up yours.
- 133
- 00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:58,125
- It's just that today I finally realized
- I was raised to be a failure.
- 134
- 00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:59,500
- I was groomed for it.
- 135
- 00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:03,041
- Oh, Christ. How sick analysts must get
- 136
- 00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:06,375
- of hearing how Mommy and Daddy
- made their darlin' into a fairy.
- 137
- 00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:08,708
- It's beyond just that now.
- 138
- 00:10:08,791 --> 00:10:10,291
- Today I finally began to see
- 139
- 00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:12,833
- how some of the other pieces
- of the puzzle relate to them.
- 140
- 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:16,250
- My neurotic compulsion to not succeed.
- 141
- 00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:21,250
- I realize it was always when I failed
- that Evelyn loved me the most.
- 142
- 00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:25,291
- Because it displeased Walt,
- who wanted perfection.
- 143
- 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,333
- I began to fail on purpose to get love.
- 144
- 00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,875
- Failure is the only thing
- with which I feel at home
- 145
- 00:10:34,958 --> 00:10:36,583
- because it's what I was taught at home.
- 146
- 00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:38,833
- No.
- 147
- 00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:42,291
- ⪠You better chase all the blues away âª
- 148
- 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,041
- ⪠Shout hallelujah, come on⦠âª
- 149
- 00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:49,375
- What is more boring than a queen
- doing a Judy Garland imitation?
- 150
- 00:10:49,458 --> 00:10:51,750
- A queen doing a Bette Davis imitation.
- 151
- 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:53,916
- Where'd you get that sweater?
- 152
- 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,458
- Oh, this clever little shop
- on the Right Bank called Hermès.
- 153
- 00:10:57,541 --> 00:10:58,833
- I work my ass off
- 154
- 00:10:58,916 --> 00:11:02,000
- for 45 lousy dollars a week,
- scrubbing floors,
- 155
- 00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:06,000
- and you waltz around
- throwing cashmere sweaters on them.
- 156
- 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,875
- The one on the floor
- in the john is vicuña.
- 157
- 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,875
- Oh, I beg your pardon.
- 158
- 00:11:09,958 --> 00:11:11,833
- You could get a job doing something else.
- 159
- 00:11:11,916 --> 00:11:15,000
- Nobody holds a gun to your head
- to be a charwoman.
- 160
- 00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:17,041
- That is, how you say, your neurosis.
- 161
- 00:11:17,125 --> 00:11:19,458
- Gee, and I thought it's why I was born.
- 162
- 00:11:19,541 --> 00:11:22,625
- Besides, just because
- I wear expensive clothes,
- 163
- 00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:24,291
- doesn't mean they're paid for.
- 164
- 00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:27,708
- That is, how you say, your neurosis.
- 165
- 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:32,166
- However, thanks to the silver screen,
- your neurosis has got style.
- 166
- 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:37,000
- It takes a certain flair to squander
- one's unemployment check at Joe Allen.
- 167
- 00:11:37,791 --> 00:11:40,916
- What's so snappy
- about being head over heels in debt?
- 168
- 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,416
- The only thing smart about it
- 169
- 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,833
- is the ingenious ways
- I dodge the bill collectors.
- 170
- 00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:48,000
- Yep, come to think of it,
- 171
- 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,416
- you're the type
- that gives faggots a bad name.
- 172
- 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,625
- Oh, and you, Donald,
- you are a credit to the homosexual.
- 173
- 00:11:54,708 --> 00:11:58,958
- You're a reliable, hard-working,
- floor-scrubbing, bill-paying fag
- 174
- 00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:00,583
- who don't owe nothing to nobody.
- 175
- 00:12:00,666 --> 00:12:03,208
- -I am a model fairy.
- 176
- 00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:04,833
- You think it's just nifty
- 177
- 00:12:04,916 --> 00:12:11,250
- how I've always flitted from Beverly Hills
- to Rome to Acapulco to Amsterdam,
- 178
- 00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,541
- picking up a lot of one-night stands,
- 179
- 00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:16,083
- a lot of custom-made duds along the trail?
- 180
- 00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:20,125
- I'm here to tell you
- the only place in all those miles,
- 181
- 00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:25,000
- the only place that I've ever been happy
- was on the goddamn plane.
- 182
- 00:12:26,416 --> 00:12:28,375
- Run, charge.
- 183
- 00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:32,541
- Run, buy, borrow, make, spend.
- 184
- 00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:35,708
- Run, squander, beg.
- 185
- 00:12:35,791 --> 00:12:39,916
- Run, run, run. Waste, wasteâ¦
- 186
- 00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:41,833
- waste.
- 187
- 00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,333
- And why?
- 188
- 00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:54,958
- Finis. Applause.
- 189
- 00:12:59,791 --> 00:13:02,000
- -Hey.
- -Don't. You don't have to.
- 190
- 00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:03,208
- Hey, come on.
- 191
- 00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:10,250
- Oh, there's nothing quite as good
- as feeling sorry for yourself, is there?
- 192
- 00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:11,333
- Nothing.
- 193
- 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,208
- Okay.
- 194
- 00:13:17,916 --> 00:13:20,666
- I adore cheap sentiment.
- 195
- 00:13:57,375 --> 00:13:59,041
- Backstage, Funny Girl.
- 196
- 00:13:59,125 --> 00:14:02,041
- -Hi, it's Alan.
- -Alan?
- 197
- 00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,333
- Oh, my God.
- 198
- 00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:08,000
- Alan, oh, I don't believe it.
- How are you? Where are you?
- 199
- 00:14:08,083 --> 00:14:10,916
- I'm here⦠on business.
- 200
- 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,041
- Listen, what are you doing tonight?
- 201
- 00:14:13,125 --> 00:14:16,833
- Oh, I'm tied up tonight.
- Alan, tonight's no good for me.
- 202
- 00:14:16,916 --> 00:14:20,625
- Oh, I'm tied up, too, but I thought
- I might just drop by for a drink.
- 203
- 00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:23,125
- What, you mean now?
- 204
- 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,500
- Well, Alan, old boy, listen to me.
- 205
- 00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:29,666
- It is a friend's birthday,
- and I am having a few people in.
- 206
- 00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:31,208
- -Oh.
- -And I'm sorry
- 207
- 00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:33,875
- I can't ask you to join us. It's justâ¦
- 208
- 00:14:33,958 --> 00:14:36,208
- It just wouldn't work out,
- kiddo, you know?
- 209
- 00:14:36,291 --> 00:14:38,583
- And I'd hate to just see you
- for ten minutes
- 210
- 00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:41,000
- -and then have to say goodbye.
- - Mickey, please?
- 211
- 00:14:42,666 --> 00:14:43,583
- Alan?
- 212
- 00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,333
- -Mickey?
- -Alanâ¦
- 213
- 00:14:48,041 --> 00:14:48,875
- What's wrong?
- 214
- 00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:50,916
- I've gotta see you
- about something right away.
- 215
- 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,041
- Okay, Alan, come on over.
- 216
- 00:14:56,541 --> 00:14:58,000
- No, it's perfectly all right.
- 217
- 00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:00,458
- Just come on over, have a quick drink,
- 218
- 00:15:00,541 --> 00:15:03,041
- -but-but hurry up.
- -Same old address?
- 219
- 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:04,958
- -Yeah.
- -Okay.
- 220
- 00:15:10,916 --> 00:15:12,000
- Wellâ¦
- 221
- 00:15:13,541 --> 00:15:14,541
- am I stunning?
- 222
- 00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,166
- You're absolutely stunning.
- 223
- 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,333
- You look like shit,
- but I'm absolutely stunned.
- 224
- 00:15:19,416 --> 00:15:22,583
- Your grapes are, how you say, sour.
- Where's my drink?
- 225
- 00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:25,583
- I didn't make it. My old roommate
- from Georgetown just called.
- 226
- 00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:27,791
- -Alan what's-his-name?
- -McCarthy.
- 227
- 00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:30,500
- He's up here from Washington
- on business or something,
- 228
- 00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:31,833
- and he's on his way here.
- 229
- 00:15:31,916 --> 00:15:34,291
- I hope he knows
- the lyrics to "Happy Birthday."
- 230
- 00:15:34,375 --> 00:15:37,916
- Listen, asshole.
- What am I going to do? He's straight.
- 231
- 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,583
- What'll he feel about this freak show
- I've got booked for dinner?
- 232
- 00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,250
- Ah, Christ, is that good.
- 233
- 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,958
- He absolutely
- lost his spring on the phone.
- 234
- 00:15:46,041 --> 00:15:48,916
- He started crying,
- and that's not his style at all.
- 235
- 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,125
- Alan's so goddamned pulled together,
- 236
- 00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:53,541
- he wouldn't show any emotion
- if he were in a plane crash.
- 237
- 00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:55,125
- What am I going to do?
- 238
- 00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,791
- Are you suddenly ashamed of your friends?
- 239
- 00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:02,208
- Donald, you are the only person I know
- of whom I am truly ashamed.
- 240
- 00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:06,250
- Some people have different standards
- from yours and mine, you know?
- 241
- 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:08,541
- And if we don't acknowledge them,
- 242
- 00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:12,375
- then we're just as backward
- and narrow-minded as we think they are.
- 243
- 00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:14,958
- You know what you are, Michael?
- You're a real person.
- 244
- 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,791
- Thank you. Fuck you.
- 245
- 00:16:19,708 --> 00:16:21,000
- Do you want some cracked crab?
- 246
- 00:16:21,875 --> 00:16:23,125
- No, thanks.
- 247
- 00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:26,500
- How could you ever have been friends
- with a bore like that?
- 248
- 00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,458
- Well, believe it or not,
- there was a time in my life
- 249
- 00:16:29,541 --> 00:16:32,708
- when I didn't go around
- announcing that I was a faggot.
- 250
- 00:16:34,166 --> 00:16:37,708
- That must have been
- before speech replaced sign language.
- 251
- 00:16:37,791 --> 00:16:41,791
- Don't give me any static on that score.
- I didn't come out until I left college.
- 252
- 00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:44,291
- Seems to me
- that the first time we tricked,
- 253
- 00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:48,208
- we met in a gay bar on Third Avenue
- during your junior year.
- 254
- 00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:49,333
- Cunt.
- 255
- 00:16:49,416 --> 00:16:50,791
- Thought you'd never say it.
- 256
- 00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:14,583
- Don't wait up.
- 257
- 00:17:18,833 --> 00:17:19,875
- Hi, doll face.
- 258
- 00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,791
- -You look cute.
- -Always.
- 259
- 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,375
- -Hello, Emory.
- -Hi.
- 260
- 00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:28,208
- You know I hate coming
- between the two of you like this.
- 261
- 00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:29,750
- That makes one of us.
- 262
- 00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:33,750
- This is gonna be fun.
- 263
- 00:17:35,916 --> 00:17:37,250
- Oh, great.
- 264
- 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:39,416
- Well, that's all we need, for it to rain.
- 265
- 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,875
- -You want some more club soda?
- -What?
- 266
- 00:17:41,958 --> 00:17:43,833
- There's nothing
- but club soda in that glass.
- 267
- 00:17:43,916 --> 00:17:46,208
- I've been watching you
- for several Saturdays.
- 268
- 00:17:46,291 --> 00:17:48,041
- You've actually stopped drinking,
- haven't you?
- 269
- 00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:49,083
- And smoking, too.
- 270
- 00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:50,791
- -How long's it been?
- -Five weeks.
- 271
- 00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:53,000
- -That's amazing.
- -I found God.
- 272
- 00:17:53,083 --> 00:17:55,541
- -It is amazing. For you?
- -Or is God dead?
- 273
- 00:17:55,625 --> 00:17:59,000
- I could always tell
- when you were getting high. One way.
- 274
- 00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:01,208
- -I'd get hostile.
- 275
- 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,625
- Hey, what made you stop? The analyst?
- 276
- 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:08,041
- Oh. He certainly had a lot to do with it.
- 277
- 00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:11,625
- Mainly I didn't think I could get through
- another morning-after ick attack.
- 278
- 00:18:11,708 --> 00:18:12,833
- Morning-after what?
- 279
- 00:18:12,916 --> 00:18:17,666
- Icks! Anxiety, guilt, unfathomable guilt.
- 280
- 00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:20,166
- From the second
- your eyes open and you say,
- 281
- 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,958
- "Oh, my God! What'd I do last night?"
- 282
- 00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:23,166
- Mmm, tell me about it.
- 283
- 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:26,125
- And then that struggle
- to survive till lunchâ¦
- 284
- 00:18:26,208 --> 00:18:28,083
- -Mmm.
- -â¦where you have a double Bloody Mary.
- 285
- 00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:30,250
- That is, if you've waited till lunch.
- 286
- 00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:34,208
- And then you're half pissed again
- and useless for the rest of the afternoon.
- 287
- 00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:36,625
- So you hang on till cocktail time,
- 288
- 00:18:36,708 --> 00:18:39,666
- and by then, you're ready
- for whatever the night holds,
- 289
- 00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,625
- which hopefully is another party,
- 290
- 00:18:41,708 --> 00:18:45,375
- and that whole goddamn cycle
- starts all over again.
- 291
- 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:49,500
- Well, I have been
- on that merry-go-round long enough,
- 292
- 00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:53,583
- and I either had to get off
- or die of centrifugal force.
- 293
- 00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:58,125
- Oh, Joe College has finally arrived.
- 294
- 00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,916
- All right, Donald, listen to me.
- 295
- 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,833
- Don't insult me by giving me any lecture
- on acceptable social behavior.
- 296
- 00:19:03,916 --> 00:19:04,875
- -I promise
- 297
- 00:19:04,958 --> 00:19:08,041
- to sit with my legs spread apart
- and keep my voice in a deep register.
- 298
- 00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:11,416
- Donald, you are a real card-carrying cunt.
- 299
- 00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,458
- All right. This is a raid.
- 300
- 00:19:20,541 --> 00:19:23,958
- Everybody's under arrest.
- 301
- 00:19:24,041 --> 00:19:26,833
- Hello, darling. Connie Casserole.
- Oh, Mary, don't ask.
- 302
- 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,625
- Hi, Emory. Come on,
- you can put it in the kitchen.
- 303
- 00:19:29,708 --> 00:19:32,708
- -Hi, Hank. Larry.
- - Who is this exotic woman?
- 304
- 00:19:32,791 --> 00:19:34,083
- My dear, I thought you had perished!
- 305
- 00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:36,541
- Where have you been hiding
- your classically chiseled features?
- 306
- 00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:38,208
- I don't live in the city anymore.
- 307
- 00:19:38,291 --> 00:19:40,541
- I'll take those.
- Emory, where's your present?
- 308
- 00:19:40,625 --> 00:19:42,208
- It's arriving later.
- 309
- 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:43,833
- Larry.
- 310
- 00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:47,625
- Larry. Larry!
- 311
- 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,708
- -What?
- -Give Michael the gift.
- 312
- 00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:52,750
- Oh, here.
- 313
- 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,166
- Louder, so my mother
- in Philadelphia can hear you.
- 314
- 00:19:55,250 --> 00:19:57,000
- -You were standing there in a trance.
- -Was I?
- 315
- 00:19:57,083 --> 00:20:00,208
- -You both know Donald, don't you?
- - Sure. Nice to see you.
- 316
- 00:20:00,291 --> 00:20:01,708
- -Hi.
- -Nice to meet you.
- 317
- 00:20:01,791 --> 00:20:03,791
- Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd met.
- 318
- 00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:06,791
- Well, we haven't exactly met, but we'veâ¦
- 319
- 00:20:07,750 --> 00:20:09,000
- -Hi.
- -Hi.
- 320
- 00:20:10,666 --> 00:20:11,750
- But you've what?
- 321
- 00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:14,875
- Seen each other before.
- 322
- 00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:16,750
- Oh, that sounds murky.
- 323
- 00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,583
- You've never met,
- but you've seen each other.
- 324
- 00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:21,833
- -What was wrong with the way I said it?
- -They're gonna have their first fight.
- 325
- 00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,666
- The first one
- since we got out of the taxi.
- 326
- 00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:27,708
- - Where did you find this trash?
- -Downstairs, leaning against a lamppost.
- 327
- 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,250
- With an orchid behind my ear
- 328
- 00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:31,625
- and big, wet lips
- painted over the lip line.
- 329
- 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:35,291
- -Oh! Just like Maria Montez.
- -Oh, please.
- 330
- 00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:38,333
- Hey, what have you got against Maria?
- She was a good woman.
- 331
- 00:20:38,416 --> 00:20:39,916
- Hold on. Everybody, listen.
- 332
- 00:20:40,750 --> 00:20:42,916
- This old college friend of mine
- is in town,
- 333
- 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,750
- and he's stopping by for a fast drink
- on his way to dinner,
- 334
- 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,333
- but he's straight, soâ¦
- 335
- 00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:51,041
- Straight? If he's the one I met,
- he's as straight as the yellow brick road.
- 336
- 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,291
- No, you met Justin Stuart.
- 337
- 00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:56,000
- I don't remember meeting a Justin Stuart.
- 338
- 00:20:56,083 --> 00:20:59,083
- -Of course you don't, dope. I met him.
- -This is someone else.
- 339
- 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:03,125
- Yes, Alan McCarthy,
- a very close total stranger.
- 340
- 00:21:03,208 --> 00:21:06,208
- It is not that I care
- what he would think of me. Really.
- 341
- 00:21:06,291 --> 00:21:10,125
- It's just he's not ready for it,
- you know, and he never will be.
- 342
- 00:21:10,916 --> 00:21:14,250
- -You understand that, don't you, Hank?
- -Sure.
- 343
- 00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:16,041
- Do you really think
- he doesn't know about you?
- 344
- 00:21:16,125 --> 00:21:18,875
- If there is the slightest suspicion,
- he's never let on.
- 345
- 00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:20,791
- -What's he had, a lobotomy?
- 346
- 00:21:20,875 --> 00:21:23,958
- Hey, I was super careful
- when I was in college,
- 347
- 00:21:24,041 --> 00:21:26,083
- and I still am whenever I see him.
- 348
- 00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:28,708
- -I don't know why, but I am.
- -Tilt.
- 349
- 00:21:28,791 --> 00:21:32,000
- I was just like Alan
- when I was in college.
- 350
- 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,500
- I was very large in the dating department.
- 351
- 00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:38,750
- I wore nothing
- but those constipated Ivy League clothes,
- 352
- 00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:41,458
- and those, oh, ten-pound cordovan shoes.
- 353
- 00:21:45,958 --> 00:21:48,041
- -No offense.
- -Quite all right.
- 354
- 00:21:48,125 --> 00:21:52,208
- I butched it up quite a bit,
- and I didn't think I was lying to myself.
- 355
- 00:21:52,291 --> 00:21:54,291
- I really thought I was straight.
- 356
- 00:21:54,375 --> 00:21:57,208
- I know damn well I did not come out
- until after I graduated.
- 357
- 00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:59,083
- What about all those weekends
- up from school?
- 358
- 00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:01,041
- Oh. I still wasn't out.
- 359
- 00:22:01,125 --> 00:22:04,125
- I was still in the
- Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome.
- 360
- 00:22:04,208 --> 00:22:07,750
- "Christ, I was so drunk last night,
- I don't remember a thing."
- 361
- 00:22:07,833 --> 00:22:08,666
- That's it.
- 362
- 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,708
- You were just guilty
- because you were Catholic.
- 363
- 00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:12,375
- -That's all.
- -That is not true.
- 364
- 00:22:12,458 --> 00:22:16,583
- The Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome
- knows no religion,
- 365
- 00:22:16,666 --> 00:22:19,291
- although there's a high percentage
- of it among Mormons.
- 366
- 00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:22,541
- Who do you have to fuck
- to get a drink around here?
- 367
- 00:22:22,625 --> 00:22:24,375
- Will you light somewhere?
- 368
- 00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:29,208
- We all somehow managed
- to justify our actions in those days.
- 369
- 00:22:29,291 --> 00:22:33,291
- You know, I later found out
- even Justin Stuart, my closest friend--
- 370
- 00:22:33,375 --> 00:22:34,500
- Other than Alan McCarthy.
- 371
- 00:22:34,583 --> 00:22:37,375
- Zip it. He was doing the same thing.
- 372
- 00:22:37,458 --> 00:22:40,166
- Only Justin was going
- to Boston on weekends.
- 373
- 00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:43,166
- You see, in the
- Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome,
- 374
- 00:22:43,250 --> 00:22:45,541
- you really are drunk.
- That part of it is true.
- 375
- 00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:49,416
- It's just you also do remember everything.
- 376
- 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,083
- Well, a lot of guys
- have to get loaded to have sex.
- 377
- 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:56,375
- So I've been told.
- 378
- 00:22:56,458 --> 00:22:58,708
- Donaldâ¦
- 379
- 00:22:58,791 --> 00:23:00,916
- â¦if you remember,
- the first time we made it,
- 380
- 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,625
- I was so drunk I could hardly stand up.
- 381
- 00:23:03,708 --> 00:23:06,166
- You were so drunk,
- you could hardly get it up.
- 382
- 00:23:07,833 --> 00:23:11,791
- -Christ, I was so drunk, I don't remember.
- -Oh, bullshit. You remember.
- 383
- 00:23:11,875 --> 00:23:14,375
- -Oh, Jesus. All right, that's Alan.
- 384
- 00:23:14,458 --> 00:23:17,958
- Please, everyone do me a favor.
- Cool it for the few minutes he's here.
- 385
- 00:23:18,041 --> 00:23:19,833
- Anything for a sis, Mary.
- 386
- 00:23:19,916 --> 00:23:21,000
- Emory, no!
- 387
- 00:23:21,083 --> 00:23:23,958
- I'm sorry, but that is exactly
- what I'm talking about.
- 388
- 00:23:24,041 --> 00:23:26,000
- -No camping.
- -Sorry.
- 389
- 00:23:26,083 --> 00:23:28,416
- Think the Giants are gonna win
- the pennant this year?
- 390
- 00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:30,458
- -Fuckin' A, Mac.
- 391
- 00:23:31,416 --> 00:23:34,125
- -Oh, hey, Bernard.
- -Hey, baby.
- 392
- 00:23:34,208 --> 00:23:37,500
- I'll take these. Everyone's outside.
- You can put your present with the others.
- 393
- 00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:39,416
- -Oh, it's only another queen!
- 394
- 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:42,583
- -And it ain't the red one either.
- -It's the queen of spades!
- 395
- 00:23:42,666 --> 00:23:45,083
- Anybody ever tell you
- you'd look divine in a hammock,
- 396
- 00:23:45,166 --> 00:23:49,333
- surrounded by louvers and ceiling fans
- and lots and lots of lush tropical ferns?
- 397
- 00:23:49,416 --> 00:23:52,208
- You're such a fag. You take the cake. Up!
- 398
- 00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:55,625
- -What about the cake? Whose job was that?
- -Mine. I ordered it to be delivered.
- 399
- 00:23:55,708 --> 00:23:58,000
- How many candles
- did you say to put on it? 80?
- 400
- 00:23:58,083 --> 00:24:00,916
- Wait, Alan. There's too much noise.
- I'll get another phone.
- 401
- 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,500
- -Michael, did the cake come?
- -No.
- 402
- 00:24:02,583 --> 00:24:04,833
- -Oh, God. Can I use your private line?
- -Sure.
- 403
- 00:24:04,916 --> 00:24:08,375
- Listen, everybody, there is some
- cracked crab out there. Help yourselves.
- 404
- 00:24:08,458 --> 00:24:11,291
- Can I have the number for the
- Marseilles Bakery in Manhattan, please?
- 405
- 00:24:11,375 --> 00:24:13,416
- -Is everybody ready for a drink?
- -Yeah!
- 406
- 00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:16,166
- Ready? I'll be your
- topless cocktail waitress.
- 407
- 00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:18,375
- Please, spare us the sight
- of your sagging tits.
- 408
- 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,666
- What are you having, kids?
- 409
- 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,666
- -Is there any beer?
- -Oh, in the fridge.
- 410
- 00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,291
- -I'll get it.
- -Beer?
- 411
- 00:24:23,375 --> 00:24:26,166
- -Who drinks beer before dinner?
- -Beer drinkers.
- 412
- 00:24:26,250 --> 00:24:30,625
- How can a sensitive artist like you
- live with an insensitive bull like that?
- 413
- 00:24:30,708 --> 00:24:32,541
- -I can't.
- 414
- 00:24:32,625 --> 00:24:33,916
- Well, here's hoping.
- 415
- 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:38,416
- Alan, don't be silly.
- There's nothing to apologize for.
- 416
- 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,583
- It's just that I feel like such a fool.
- 417
- 00:24:40,666 --> 00:24:44,833
- I can shoot myself
- for letting myself act that way.
- 418
- 00:24:44,916 --> 00:24:47,833
- Look, it is just as well.
- I have people over.
- 419
- 00:24:47,916 --> 00:24:50,041
- It wouldn't be a good time to talk.
- 420
- 00:24:50,125 --> 00:24:53,708
- Hey, what about this?
- What if we do lunch tomorrow?
- 421
- 00:24:53,791 --> 00:24:57,708
- Sure. Why don't you meet me
- at the Oak Room at about one o'clock?
- 422
- 00:24:57,791 --> 00:24:59,416
- That sounds perfect.
- 423
- 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:03,416
- And listen, Michael,
- can you just forget about tonight?
- 424
- 00:25:04,750 --> 00:25:06,083
- Pretend it never happened?
- 425
- 00:25:06,583 --> 00:25:08,458
- Alan, done. It's forgotten.
- 426
- 00:25:08,541 --> 00:25:10,333
- -I'll see you tomorrow?
- -Great.
- 427
- 00:25:18,041 --> 00:25:21,375
- -Yeah, baby! Let's hear that sound! Whoo!
- 428
- 00:25:21,458 --> 00:25:24,250
- A drumbeat
- and their eyes sparkle like Cartier.
- 429
- 00:25:24,333 --> 00:25:25,333
- Terrible.
- 430
- 00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:28,666
- Wow, thanks, Bernard.
- 431
- 00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:30,708
- It's like you stock up
- for the whole summer.
- 432
- 00:25:30,791 --> 00:25:32,916
- You kidding? That'll last him two days.
- 433
- 00:25:33,791 --> 00:25:36,083
- -Well, he's not coming.
- -Oh!
- 434
- 00:25:36,166 --> 00:25:38,375
- Some people eat,
- some people drink, some take dope.
- 435
- 00:25:38,458 --> 00:25:42,500
- -I read.
- -Yeah, and read, read, read.
- 436
- 00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:44,458
- It's a wonder your eyes
- don't turn back into your head
- 437
- 00:25:44,541 --> 00:25:47,875
- -at the sight of a dust jacket.
- -At least he's a constructive escapist.
- 438
- 00:25:47,958 --> 00:25:51,500
- Oh, that's true.
- What do I do? I take planes.
- 439
- 00:25:51,583 --> 00:25:53,208
- No. No, I don't do that anymore
- 440
- 00:25:53,291 --> 00:25:56,250
- because I don't have
- the money to do that anymore.
- 441
- 00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:58,750
- I go to the baths. That's about it.
- 442
- 00:25:58,833 --> 00:26:01,333
- I'm about to do both.
- I'm flying to the West Coast.
- 443
- 00:26:01,416 --> 00:26:03,416
- You still got that act
- with the donkey in Tijuana?
- 444
- 00:26:04,541 --> 00:26:07,708
- I'm going to San Francisco
- on a well-earned vacation.
- 445
- 00:26:07,791 --> 00:26:08,875
- I'm going to the Club Baths,
- 446
- 00:26:08,958 --> 00:26:13,333
- and I'm not leaving till they announce
- the departure of TWA one week later.
- 447
- 00:26:13,416 --> 00:26:15,333
- You'll never learn
- to stay out of the baths, will you?
- 448
- 00:26:15,416 --> 00:26:18,208
- -Bernard, don't⦠Bernard!
- -The last time Emily took the vapors,
- 449
- 00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:20,916
- this big hairy number strolled in.
- 450
- 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,791
- So Emory says, "I'm just resting."
- 451
- 00:26:22,875 --> 00:26:25,875
- Big hairy number said,
- "Oh, I'm just arresting."
- 452
- 00:26:25,958 --> 00:26:27,708
- -It was the vice.
- -Emory!
- 453
- 00:26:27,791 --> 00:26:30,625
- You have to tell everything,
- don't you? Thanks, honey.
- 454
- 00:26:31,208 --> 00:26:32,583
- You live with your parents?
- 455
- 00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:35,250
- Yeah, but it's all right, they're gay.
- 456
- 00:26:38,958 --> 00:26:40,541
- Thought that was funny, Hank?
- 457
- 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,375
- What happened to Alan?
- 458
- 00:26:47,458 --> 00:26:52,000
- Oh, he suddenly got terrible icks
- about having broken down on the phone.
- 459
- 00:26:52,083 --> 00:26:54,375
- Kept apologizing over and over.
- 460
- 00:26:54,458 --> 00:26:56,291
- Did this big about-face,
- 461
- 00:26:56,375 --> 00:27:00,250
- reverted to the old Alan
- right before my very eyes.
- 462
- 00:27:00,333 --> 00:27:02,166
- -Ears.
- -Ears.
- 463
- 00:27:02,250 --> 00:27:05,208
- Well, the cracked crab
- obviously did not work out.
- 464
- 00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,291
- I don't know why everyone
- has such an aversion to it.
- 465
- 00:27:07,375 --> 00:27:10,291
- Sometimes you remind me
- of the Chinese water torture.
- 466
- 00:27:10,916 --> 00:27:12,583
- No. No, I take that back.
- 467
- 00:27:12,666 --> 00:27:16,375
- Sometimes you remind me
- of the relentless Chinese water torture.
- 468
- 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,708
- -Bitch.
- - Whoo! Whoo!
- 469
- 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:23,625
- - Wonder where Harold is.
- -Yeah, where is the frozen fruit?
- 470
- 00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:26,208
- Emory refers to Harold as the frozen fruit
- 471
- 00:27:26,291 --> 00:27:28,833
- because of his former profession
- as an ice skater.
- 472
- 00:27:28,916 --> 00:27:30,208
- Whoo!
- 473
- 00:27:31,458 --> 00:27:32,916
- You know he's out here looking rough.
- 474
- 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,666
- If your mother could see you now,
- she'd have a stroke.
- 475
- 00:27:37,750 --> 00:27:39,833
- - Got a camera on you?
- 476
- 00:27:39,916 --> 00:27:42,625
- Oh, my God, it's Lily Law.
- Everybody, three feet apart.
- 477
- 00:27:42,708 --> 00:27:44,333
- It's probably Harold now.
- 478
- 00:27:47,375 --> 00:27:49,583
- No, it's the delivery boy from the bakery.
- 479
- 00:27:49,666 --> 00:27:52,291
- -Oh, thank God.
- -Ask him if he's got any hot cross buns!
- 480
- 00:27:56,375 --> 00:27:57,958
- Come on, Emory. Knock it off.
- 481
- 00:27:58,750 --> 00:28:00,750
- You can take her anywhere but out.
- 482
- 00:28:01,375 --> 00:28:03,583
- You remind me
- of an old maid school teacher.
- 483
- 00:28:03,666 --> 00:28:05,291
- You remind me of a chicken wing.
- 484
- 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,041
- -I'm sure you meant that as a compliment.
- -Good evening.
- 485
- 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:18,333
- Hey, Bernard, remember that thing
- we used to do on Fire Island?
- 486
- 00:28:18,416 --> 00:28:21,708
- Whoo! That was in so far back,
- I think I've forgotten.
- 487
- 00:28:21,791 --> 00:28:23,583
- I remember.
- 488
- 00:28:23,666 --> 00:28:25,416
- -Baby, come on, follow.
- -What is it?
- 489
- 00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:28,166
- -It goes swing, swing. Hook, hook.
- -Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
- 490
- 00:28:28,250 --> 00:28:31,083
- Milk the cow,
- milk the cow, milk the cowâ¦
- 491
- 00:28:31,166 --> 00:28:33,208
- You gotta swing it. You gotta hit it.
- 492
- 00:28:35,791 --> 00:28:38,916
- Look, it's the Geriatric Rockettes!
- Here we go.
- 493
- 00:28:41,875 --> 00:28:44,208
- ⪠Whenever I'm with him âª
- 494
- 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:50,250
- ⪠Something inside starts to burning âª
- 495
- 00:28:50,750 --> 00:28:54,375
- ⪠And I'm filled with desire âª
- 496
- 00:28:55,083 --> 00:28:56,708
- ⪠Could it be a devil in me? âª
- 497
- 00:28:56,791 --> 00:29:00,000
- ⪠Or is this the way
- Love's supposed to be? âª
- 498
- 00:29:00,083 --> 00:29:04,583
- ⪠It's like a heat wave
- Burning in my heart âª
- 499
- 00:29:04,666 --> 00:29:07,291
- ⪠I can't keep from crying⦠âª
- 500
- 00:29:07,375 --> 00:29:10,166
- -Come on, Donald. Donald.
- -No, God.
- 501
- 00:29:10,250 --> 00:29:13,166
- ⪠Whenever he calls my name âª
- 502
- 00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:16,916
- ⪠Soft, low, sweet and plain âª
- 503
- 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:22,875
- ⪠Right then, right there
- I feel that burning flame âª
- 504
- 00:29:22,958 --> 00:29:25,458
- ⪠Has high blood pressure
- Got a hold on me âª
- 505
- 00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:28,750
- ⪠Or is this the way
- Love's supposed to be? âª
- 506
- 00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:33,000
- ⪠It's like a heat wave
- Burning in my heart âª
- 507
- 00:29:33,083 --> 00:29:38,125
- ⪠I can't keep from crying
- It's tearing me apart âª
- 508
- 00:29:41,083 --> 00:29:45,708
- ⪠Ooh, heat wave âª
- 509
- 00:29:46,833 --> 00:29:51,583
- ⪠Ooh, heat wave âª
- 510
- 00:29:54,791 --> 00:29:56,791
- -God damn it, Hank!
- -Why would you--
- 511
- 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:06,583
- I thought⦠I'mâ¦
- You said that you weren't coming.
- 512
- 00:30:06,666 --> 00:30:08,291
- Well, I'm sorry.
- 513
- 00:30:10,083 --> 00:30:12,458
- Well, we were just acting silly.
- 514
- 00:30:13,958 --> 00:30:16,458
- When I called,
- I was at a phone booth around the corner.
- 515
- 00:30:16,541 --> 00:30:18,083
- My dinner party isn't far from here.
- 516
- 00:30:18,166 --> 00:30:21,041
- Emory was showing us this silly dance.
- 517
- 00:30:21,125 --> 00:30:23,250
- I walked past,
- and your downstairs door was open.
- 518
- 00:30:23,333 --> 00:30:24,375
- This is Emory.
- 519
- 00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:29,125
- Everybody, this is Alan McCarthy.
- 520
- 00:30:29,208 --> 00:30:34,166
- Alan, counterclockwise, we have
- Larry, Bernard, Donald, Emory and Hank.
- 521
- 00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:35,500
- -Nice to meet you.
- -Hi.
- 522
- 00:30:35,583 --> 00:30:38,583
- -Would you like a drink?
- -Thanks, no. I-I can't stay long.
- 523
- 00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:41,250
- You're here now, so stay.
- What would you like?
- 524
- 00:30:41,333 --> 00:30:42,666
- -Scotch, please.
- -Scotch.
- 525
- 00:30:42,750 --> 00:30:44,583
- -I'll get it.
- - Thank you.
- 526
- 00:30:49,875 --> 00:30:52,375
- -Guess I'm the only beer drinker.
- 527
- 00:30:53,041 --> 00:30:54,875
- Whose, uh, birthday is it?
- 528
- 00:30:54,958 --> 00:30:56,750
- -Harold's.
- - Harold?
- 529
- 00:30:56,833 --> 00:30:59,583
- - He's not here yet.
- -She's never been on time in her li--
- 530
- 00:31:01,916 --> 00:31:05,041
- He's⦠never been on time in his life.
- 531
- 00:31:05,125 --> 00:31:09,875
- Hank, Alan is from Washington.
- We went to college together, Georgetown.
- 532
- 00:31:09,958 --> 00:31:10,958
- -Ah.
- -Yeah.
- 533
- 00:31:13,125 --> 00:31:14,750
- Well, isn't that fascinating?
- 534
- 00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:17,416
- If that's too strong,
- I'll put some water in it for you.
- 535
- 00:31:18,958 --> 00:31:20,750
- It's fine, thanks. Fine.
- 536
- 00:31:22,875 --> 00:31:25,666
- -You in the government, Alan?
- -No, I'm a lawyer.
- 537
- 00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:27,500
- -What do you do?
- -I teach school.
- 538
- 00:31:27,583 --> 00:31:30,416
- Oh. Would have taken you
- for an athlete of some sort.
- 539
- 00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:35,250
- You look like you might play sports.
- 540
- 00:31:35,333 --> 00:31:39,000
- Well, I'm no professional, but I was
- on the basketball team in college.
- 541
- 00:31:39,083 --> 00:31:41,166
- -Played quite a bit of tennis.
- -I play tennis, too.
- 542
- 00:31:41,250 --> 00:31:43,291
- -Great game. It is, yeah.
- - Yeah, great.
- 543
- 00:31:45,166 --> 00:31:46,625
- -What do you teach?
- -Math.
- 544
- 00:31:46,708 --> 00:31:47,958
- -Math?
- -Yeah.
- 545
- 00:31:48,541 --> 00:31:49,375
- Math.
- 546
- 00:31:51,291 --> 00:31:55,041
- Kind of makes you want to rush out
- and buy a slide rule, doesn't it?
- 547
- 00:31:56,041 --> 00:31:57,791
- Emory, I need help in the kitchen.
- 548
- 00:31:57,875 --> 00:32:00,041
- -You're elected. Come on.
- -I'm always elected.
- 549
- 00:32:00,125 --> 00:32:02,958
- -You're a natural-born domestic.
- -Said the African queen!
- 550
- 00:32:03,041 --> 00:32:05,291
- You come, too. Fan me
- while I make the salad dressing.
- 551
- 00:32:05,375 --> 00:32:07,125
- - This way, Emory.
- 552
- 00:32:11,750 --> 00:32:12,750
- Why don't we all sit down?
- 553
- 00:32:12,833 --> 00:32:13,916
- -Sure.
- -Yeah.
- 554
- 00:32:24,166 --> 00:32:26,583
- I feel terrible
- barging in on you fellas this way.
- 555
- 00:32:26,666 --> 00:32:27,541
- Ah, that's okay.
- 556
- 00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:30,791
- - How've you been?
- -Fine, thanks. And you?
- 557
- 00:32:33,375 --> 00:32:34,416
- You married?
- 558
- 00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:37,500
- -What?
- -I see you're married.
- 559
- 00:32:37,583 --> 00:32:38,750
- Oh.
- 560
- 00:32:38,833 --> 00:32:42,333
- Yes, Hank is married.
- Donald, cope with some ice.
- 561
- 00:32:44,541 --> 00:32:46,458
- -Do you have any kids?
- -Yes, two.
- 562
- 00:32:46,541 --> 00:32:47,916
- A boy, nine. A girl, seven.
- 563
- 00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:51,708
- You should see my boy play tennis.
- Really puts his dad to shame.
- 564
- 00:32:51,791 --> 00:32:53,958
- -I have two kids, too. Both girls.
- - Great.
- 565
- 00:32:54,708 --> 00:32:57,458
- -How are the girls, Alan?
- -Oh, just sensational.
- 566
- 00:32:57,541 --> 00:32:59,708
- -Yeah?
- -They're something, those kids.
- 567
- 00:32:59,791 --> 00:33:01,750
- God, I'm-I'm nuts about them.
- 568
- 00:33:03,125 --> 00:33:04,916
- -How long you been married?
- - Nine years.
- 569
- 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,375
- Ah!
- 570
- 00:33:06,458 --> 00:33:08,625
- -Can you believe it, Mickey?
- -No.
- 571
- 00:33:09,208 --> 00:33:11,708
- Mickey used to go with my wife
- when we were all in school.
- 572
- 00:33:11,791 --> 00:33:13,416
- -Can you believe that?
- 573
- 00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:16,125
- Oh, Lord. Sorry.
- 574
- 00:33:21,208 --> 00:33:22,500
- You live in the city?
- 575
- 00:33:23,250 --> 00:33:26,000
- Yes, we do.
- 576
- 00:33:30,958 --> 00:33:31,958
- Oh!
- 577
- 00:33:32,458 --> 00:33:34,625
- I'm in
- the process of getting a divorce.
- 578
- 00:33:35,125 --> 00:33:38,666
- -Larry and I are roommates at the moment.
- -Yes, they're roommates.
- 579
- 00:33:39,958 --> 00:33:42,208
- Oh, I'm very sorry. I mean--
- 580
- 00:33:42,291 --> 00:33:43,916
- -No, I understand.
- - Mmm.
- 581
- 00:33:48,041 --> 00:33:50,791
- -I think I'd like another.
- -Of course. I'm so sorry.
- 582
- 00:33:55,125 --> 00:33:56,291
- Can I help you, Alan?
- 583
- 00:33:56,958 --> 00:33:58,041
- Uhâ¦
- 584
- 00:33:59,583 --> 00:34:01,166
- Can't seem to find the scotch.
- 585
- 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,166
- It's in your hand.
- 586
- 00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:04,875
- -Oh.
- 587
- 00:34:04,958 --> 00:34:06,208
- Of course. How stupid of me.
- 588
- 00:34:06,291 --> 00:34:08,791
- -Why don't you let me do that for you?
- -Thank you.
- 589
- 00:34:08,875 --> 00:34:12,833
- -Where the hell could Harold be?
- -Oh, he's always late.
- 590
- 00:34:12,916 --> 00:34:15,291
- You know how neurotic
- he can be about going out in public.
- 591
- 00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:16,791
- Takes him hours to get ready.
- 592
- 00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:18,708
- -Why is that?
- -Why is what?
- 593
- 00:34:18,791 --> 00:34:21,958
- Why does it take Harold hours
- to get ready before he can go out?
- 594
- 00:34:22,750 --> 00:34:24,541
- Because she's a sick lady. That's why.
- 595
- 00:34:24,625 --> 00:34:26,708
- Alan, why don't we go upstairs and talk?
- 596
- 00:34:26,791 --> 00:34:28,583
- I'm just gonna finish this and go.
- 597
- 00:34:28,666 --> 00:34:30,833
- Come on. You can bring your drink.
- 598
- 00:34:31,750 --> 00:34:33,791
- -I-I finished it.
- - Here.
- 599
- 00:34:40,291 --> 00:34:43,583
- -Excuse me. We'll be down in a minute.
- -Oh, he'll still be here.
- 600
- 00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:46,625
- -Come on. This way, Alan.
- -Sure.
- 601
- 00:34:54,375 --> 00:34:55,583
- What was that supposed to mean?
- 602
- 00:34:55,666 --> 00:34:57,791
- -What was what supposed to mean?
- -You know.
- 603
- 00:34:58,875 --> 00:35:00,375
- -Do you want another beer?
- -No.
- 604
- 00:35:02,208 --> 00:35:03,625
- You're jealous, aren't you?
- 605
- 00:35:03,708 --> 00:35:05,833
- -I'm Larry.
- 606
- 00:35:06,958 --> 00:35:08,166
- You're jealous.
- 607
- 00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:12,500
- So, Donald, where have you been
- hanging out these days?
- 608
- 00:35:12,583 --> 00:35:14,333
- I haven't seen you in a long time.
- 609
- 00:35:19,666 --> 00:35:21,125
- - Alanâ¦
- 610
- 00:35:23,291 --> 00:35:26,833
- I want to try to explain
- something about this evening.
- 611
- 00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:29,291
- What's to explain? Sometimes you justâ¦
- 612
- 00:35:29,375 --> 00:35:31,583
- can't invite everybody
- to every party, andâ¦
- 613
- 00:35:32,166 --> 00:35:34,458
- Some people take it personally,
- but not me.
- 614
- 00:35:34,541 --> 00:35:36,791
- I should apologize for inviting myself.
- 615
- 00:35:36,875 --> 00:35:38,958
- That is not exactly what I meant.
- 616
- 00:35:39,666 --> 00:35:42,250
- Your friends seem like awfully nice guys.
- 617
- 00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:44,958
- That Hank is a very attractive fellow.
- 618
- 00:35:45,541 --> 00:35:46,666
- Yes, he is.
- 619
- 00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:50,083
- -What's his roommate's name?
- -Uh, Larry.
- 620
- 00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:51,000
- What does he do?
- 621
- 00:35:52,166 --> 00:35:53,708
- He's a commercial artist.
- 622
- 00:35:53,791 --> 00:35:56,291
- I liked Donald, too.
- 623
- 00:35:59,583 --> 00:36:01,916
- The only one
- I didn't care for too much wasâ¦
- 624
- 00:36:02,625 --> 00:36:04,041
- What's his name? Emory?
- 625
- 00:36:04,125 --> 00:36:05,916
- Yes, Emory.
- 626
- 00:36:06,541 --> 00:36:09,125
- Just can't stand that kind of talk.
- It grates on me.
- 627
- 00:36:13,541 --> 00:36:15,333
- What kind of talk, Alan?
- 628
- 00:36:15,416 --> 00:36:19,458
- Oh, you know, hisâ¦
- brand of humor, I guess.
- 629
- 00:36:19,541 --> 00:36:22,250
- He can be really quite funny sometimes.
- 630
- 00:36:22,333 --> 00:36:25,291
- I suppose, if you find
- that sort of thing amusing. He justâ¦
- 631
- 00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:28,458
- seems like such a goddamn little pansy.
- 632
- 00:36:31,583 --> 00:36:34,333
- I'm sorry I said that.
- I didn't mean to say that. That'sâ¦
- 633
- 00:36:35,541 --> 00:36:38,083
- such an awful thing
- to say about anyone.
- 634
- 00:36:38,958 --> 00:36:40,750
- But you know what I mean, Michael.
- 635
- 00:36:41,458 --> 00:36:43,375
- You have to admit he is effeminate.
- 636
- 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,000
- -He is a bit.
- -A bit?
- 637
- 00:36:48,125 --> 00:36:50,083
- He's like a butterfly in heat.
- 638
- 00:36:51,416 --> 00:36:54,083
- There's no wonder
- he was teaching you all to dance.
- 639
- 00:36:54,875 --> 00:36:57,166
- He probably wanted to dance with you.
- 640
- 00:37:01,333 --> 00:37:03,416
- Oh, come on, man. You know me.
- 641
- 00:37:04,625 --> 00:37:08,458
- You know how I feel.
- Your private life is your own affair.
- 642
- 00:37:09,291 --> 00:37:11,416
- No, I don't know that about you, Alan.
- 643
- 00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:12,416
- I-Iâ¦
- 644
- 00:37:13,291 --> 00:37:15,708
- don't care what people do
- as long as they don't do it in public
- 645
- 00:37:15,791 --> 00:37:18,083
- or try to force their ways
- on the whole world.
- 646
- 00:37:18,166 --> 00:37:20,208
- What were you crying about
- on the telephone?
- 647
- 00:37:20,291 --> 00:37:24,333
- All I-- All I can say is
- please forgive me for makingâ¦
- 648
- 00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:26,750
- such an ass of myself.
- 649
- 00:37:26,833 --> 00:37:29,083
- You must have been upset
- or you wouldn't have said you were
- 650
- 00:37:29,166 --> 00:37:31,125
- and that you wanted to see me,
- you had to see me.
- 651
- 00:37:31,208 --> 00:37:33,583
- -Michael, please.
- -Is something wrong between you and Fran?
- 652
- 00:37:33,666 --> 00:37:35,166
- Listen, I've really gotta go.
- 653
- 00:37:35,250 --> 00:37:36,333
- Why are you in New York?
- 654
- 00:37:36,416 --> 00:37:38,916
- -Late for this dinner.
- -Whose dinner? Where are you going?
- 655
- 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,250
- -Is that the loo?
- -Yes.
- 656
- 00:37:40,791 --> 00:37:41,958
- Excuse me.
- 657
- 00:37:50,791 --> 00:37:53,333
- What's going on in here?
- Oh, Mary, don't ask.
- 658
- 00:37:53,916 --> 00:37:55,875
- Hank, why don't you come and join us?
- 659
- 00:37:56,916 --> 00:37:59,958
- That's an interesting suggestion.
- Whose idea is that?
- 660
- 00:38:00,583 --> 00:38:02,583
- -Mine.
- 661
- 00:38:02,666 --> 00:38:04,458
- He means in conversation.
- 662
- 00:38:04,541 --> 00:38:08,291
- -Where are the rest of the wine glasses?
- -I's working as fast as I can.
- 663
- 00:38:09,916 --> 00:38:11,666
- - To your health.
- - Up yours.
- 664
- 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:13,583
- Up my health?
- 665
- 00:38:14,166 --> 00:38:16,625
- -Where's the gent?
- -He's in the gent's room.
- 666
- 00:38:16,708 --> 00:38:18,875
- If you can all hang on
- for five more minutes,
- 667
- 00:38:18,958 --> 00:38:20,208
- he's about to leave.
- 668
- 00:38:20,291 --> 00:38:22,083
- -Well, at last.
- 669
- 00:38:27,208 --> 00:38:29,083
- ⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 670
- 00:38:29,166 --> 00:38:30,958
- ⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 671
- 00:38:31,041 --> 00:38:34,958
- ⪠Happy birthday, dear Harold
- Happy birthday to you âª
- 672
- 00:38:35,916 --> 00:38:37,000
- Oh!
- 673
- 00:38:40,625 --> 00:38:42,083
- Who the hell are you?
- 674
- 00:38:42,166 --> 00:38:44,833
- She's Harold's present from me
- and she's early,
- 675
- 00:38:44,916 --> 00:38:47,458
- and that's not even Harold, you idiot!
- 676
- 00:38:47,541 --> 00:38:49,208
- You said whoever answered the door.
- 677
- 00:38:49,875 --> 00:38:53,666
- But not until midnight.
- He's supposed to be a midnight cowboy.
- 678
- 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,666
- He looks right out of the chorus
- of a bus-and-truck Oklahoma!
- 679
- 00:38:57,750 --> 00:39:01,041
- Not until midnight, and you're supposed
- to sing to the right person.
- 680
- 00:39:01,125 --> 00:39:05,083
- I told you Harold
- has very tight, tight, black curly hair.
- 681
- 00:39:05,166 --> 00:39:07,041
- This number's practically bald.
- 682
- 00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:09,291
- Thank you, and fuck you!
- 683
- 00:39:09,375 --> 00:39:10,875
- Good thing I didn't open the door.
- 684
- 00:39:10,958 --> 00:39:13,958
- -Not that tight and not that black.
- 685
- 00:39:14,041 --> 00:39:15,083
- I-I forgot.
- 686
- 00:39:15,583 --> 00:39:17,666
- Besides, I wanted to get
- to the bars by midnight.
- 687
- 00:39:17,750 --> 00:39:20,000
- Oh, he's a class act all the way around.
- 688
- 00:39:20,083 --> 00:39:21,708
- What do you mean, "get to the bars"?
- 689
- 00:39:21,791 --> 00:39:24,041
- Sweetie, I paid you
- for the whole night, remember?
- 690
- 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:27,291
- I hurt my back doing my exercises,
- and I wanted to get to bed early.
- 691
- 00:39:27,375 --> 00:39:29,875
- Well, that's too bad. What happened?
- 692
- 00:39:29,958 --> 00:39:32,291
- -I lost my grip doing my chin-ups,
- 693
- 00:39:32,375 --> 00:39:34,333
- and I fell on my heels
- and twisted my back.
- 694
- 00:39:34,416 --> 00:39:36,458
- You shouldn't wear heels
- when you do chin-ups!
- 695
- 00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:41,833
- I shouldn't do chin-ups.
- I got a weak grip.
- 696
- 00:39:41,916 --> 00:39:44,833
- Aw, weak grip. In my day,
- it used to be called a limp wrist.
- 697
- 00:39:44,916 --> 00:39:46,625
- Who can remember that far back?
- 698
- 00:39:46,708 --> 00:39:49,666
- -What's your card say?
- -Here. Read it.
- 699
- 00:39:52,708 --> 00:39:56,000
- "Dear Harold, bang-bang. You're alive."
- 700
- 00:39:56,083 --> 00:39:58,583
- "Now roll over and play dead."
- 701
- 00:39:58,666 --> 00:40:01,125
- -"Happy Birthday, Emory."
- 702
- 00:40:01,208 --> 00:40:02,958
- Sheer poetry, Emmy.
- 703
- 00:40:03,041 --> 00:40:05,083
- And in your usual good taste.
- 704
- 00:40:05,166 --> 00:40:08,333
- So conservative of you
- to resist a sign in Times Square.
- 705
- 00:40:10,541 --> 00:40:14,291
- -Cheese it, here comes the socialite nun.
- -Shit. God damn it, Emory.
- 706
- 00:40:17,916 --> 00:40:20,458
- Well, I'm off.
- Thanks, Michael, for the drink.
- 707
- 00:40:20,541 --> 00:40:23,041
- Oh, you're entirely welcome.
- So I'll see you tomorrow?
- 708
- 00:40:23,125 --> 00:40:27,208
- No. No, I think I'm gonna be awfully busy.
- Might even go back to Washington.
- 709
- 00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:30,125
- -Got a heavy date in Lafayette Square?
- 710
- 00:40:30,208 --> 00:40:31,625
- -What?
- - Emory.
- 711
- 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,041
- Forget it.
- 712
- 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,208
- Are you Harold?
- 713
- 00:40:38,291 --> 00:40:41,083
- No, he's not Harold. He's for Harold.
- 714
- 00:40:44,750 --> 00:40:48,000
- -Goodbye, Hank. It was nice to meet you.
- -Same here, Alan.
- 715
- 00:40:48,083 --> 00:40:50,125
- If you're in Washington,
- I'd like you to meet my wife.
- 716
- 00:40:50,208 --> 00:40:52,250
- That'd be fun. Wouldn't it, Hank?
- 717
- 00:40:52,333 --> 00:40:54,833
- Yeah, I'm sure they'd love to meet himâ¦
- 718
- 00:40:54,916 --> 00:40:56,083
- Her.
- 719
- 00:40:57,333 --> 00:41:00,791
- I have such a problem with pronouns.
- 720
- 00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:02,833
- How many S's are in the word pronoun?
- 721
- 00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:07,791
- How'd you like to kiss my ass?
- That's got two more S's in it.
- 722
- 00:41:08,833 --> 00:41:10,750
- -How'd you like to blow me?
- -Mmm.
- 723
- 00:41:11,583 --> 00:41:13,750
- What's wrong with your wife?
- She got lockjaw?
- 724
- 00:41:13,833 --> 00:41:15,750
- Faggot! Fairy!
- 725
- 00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:20,791
- -Emory!
- - You goddamn freak.
- 726
- 00:41:28,041 --> 00:41:31,125
- Motherfucker!
- I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!
- 727
- 00:41:38,250 --> 00:41:40,416
- Fucking faggot! Faggot!
- 728
- 00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:42,416
- -Get some ice!
- - Freak!
- 729
- 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,208
- What the hell is wrong with you, huh?
- 730
- 00:41:45,583 --> 00:41:46,625
- Just relax.
- 731
- 00:41:46,708 --> 00:41:48,833
- He just
- busted your lip, love. Larry?
- 732
- 00:41:48,916 --> 00:41:50,291
- -Here.
- 733
- 00:41:51,875 --> 00:41:53,583
- - Jesus.
- - Damn it.
- 734
- 00:42:00,166 --> 00:42:02,208
- Do you mind waiting
- over there with the gifts?
- 735
- 00:42:08,208 --> 00:42:11,375
- Well, Harold! Happy birthday.
- 736
- 00:42:11,916 --> 00:42:13,625
- You're just in time for the floor show,
- 737
- 00:42:14,208 --> 00:42:17,000
- which you can see is on the floor.
- 738
- 00:42:17,083 --> 00:42:19,333
- Hey, you, this is Harold.
- 739
- 00:42:20,250 --> 00:42:21,958
- ⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 740
- 00:42:22,041 --> 00:42:25,583
- ⪠Happy birthday to you
- Happy birthday, dear Harold âª
- 741
- 00:42:25,666 --> 00:42:27,541
- ⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 742
- 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:08,250
- What's so fucking funny?
- 743
- 00:43:13,166 --> 00:43:14,125
- Life.
- 744
- 00:43:15,750 --> 00:43:19,375
- Life is a goddamned laugh riot.
- You remember life?
- 745
- 00:43:19,458 --> 00:43:21,666
- -You're stoned.
- -Happy birthday, Harold.
- 746
- 00:43:21,750 --> 00:43:23,750
- You're stoned, and you're late.
- 747
- 00:43:23,833 --> 00:43:25,500
- You were supposed
- to arrive at this location
- 748
- 00:43:25,583 --> 00:43:28,291
- at approximately 8:30 dash 9:00.
- 749
- 00:43:29,750 --> 00:43:31,166
- What I am, Michael,
- 750
- 00:43:32,416 --> 00:43:37,416
- is a 32-year-old,
- ugly, pock-marked, Jew fairy,
- 751
- 00:43:38,125 --> 00:43:41,583
- and if it takes me a while
- to pull myself together,
- 752
- 00:43:42,166 --> 00:43:45,583
- and if I smoke a little grass
- before I can get up the nerve
- 753
- 00:43:45,666 --> 00:43:47,416
- to show this face to the world,
- 754
- 00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:52,750
- then it's nobody's
- goddamn business but my own.
- 755
- 00:43:54,791 --> 00:43:56,625
- And how are you this evening?
- 756
- 00:43:57,208 --> 00:43:58,958
- Happy birthday, Hallie.
- 757
- 00:44:00,083 --> 00:44:02,166
- - What happened to you?
- -Don't ask.
- 758
- 00:44:02,250 --> 00:44:03,458
- Your lips are turning blue.
- 759
- 00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:05,458
- You look like
- you've been rimming a snowman.
- 760
- 00:44:05,541 --> 00:44:07,458
- That piss-elegant kooze hit me.
- 761
- 00:44:07,541 --> 00:44:10,666
- Careful, Emory. That kind of talk
- just makes him so nervous.
- 762
- 00:44:10,750 --> 00:44:11,875
- Who is she?
- 763
- 00:44:12,458 --> 00:44:13,666
- Who was she?
- 764
- 00:44:14,333 --> 00:44:16,375
- Who does she hope to be?
- 765
- 00:44:16,458 --> 00:44:18,208
- Who knows? Who cares?
- 766
- 00:44:18,291 --> 00:44:20,166
- His name is Alan McCarthy.
- 767
- 00:44:21,416 --> 00:44:25,666
- Not the famous college chum?
- Is this my surprise from you, Michael?
- 768
- 00:44:25,750 --> 00:44:27,791
- I think Alan is the one
- who got the surprise.
- 769
- 00:44:27,875 --> 00:44:31,625
- - You'll notice he's speechless.
- -I hope she's in shock! She's a beast!
- 770
- 00:44:32,458 --> 00:44:33,875
- Is it his birthday, too?
- 771
- 00:44:33,958 --> 00:44:36,916
- - That's your surprise.
- -Speaking of beasts.
- 772
- 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,000
- From me to you, darling.
- How do you like it?
- 773
- 00:44:39,083 --> 00:44:42,625
- Well, I suppose
- he has an interesting face and body,
- 774
- 00:44:42,708 --> 00:44:46,583
- but it turns me right off 'cause
- he can't talk intelligently about art.
- 775
- 00:44:46,666 --> 00:44:48,500
- Yeah, ain't it a shame?
- 776
- 00:44:48,583 --> 00:44:51,416
- -I could never love anyone like that.
- -Never. Who could?
- 777
- 00:44:51,500 --> 00:44:54,416
- I could and you could, that's who could.
- 778
- 00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,291
- Mary, she's gorgeous.
- 779
- 00:44:56,875 --> 00:44:59,250
- She may be dumb, but she's all yours.
- 780
- 00:44:59,333 --> 00:45:03,125
- I think my present is a super surprise.
- I'm so thrilled to get it.
- 781
- 00:45:03,208 --> 00:45:06,583
- I would kiss you,
- but I don't want to get blood all over me.
- 782
- 00:45:06,666 --> 00:45:08,500
- Look at my top!
- 783
- 00:45:09,250 --> 00:45:11,250
- Wait till you see your face.
- 784
- 00:45:11,333 --> 00:45:14,625
- Come on, Emory. Let's clean you up, hmm?
- Happy birthday, Harold.
- 785
- 00:45:15,250 --> 00:45:17,541
- -Thanks, love.
- - Top is ruined.
- 786
- 00:45:17,625 --> 00:45:19,291
- Take one of mine
- from the bedroom.
- 787
- 00:45:19,375 --> 00:45:21,166
- The one on the floor is vicuña.
- 788
- 00:45:22,250 --> 00:45:25,250
- Just another birthday party
- with the folks.
- 789
- 00:45:26,416 --> 00:45:30,541
- Here's a cold bottle of Pouilly-Fuissé
- I bought especially for you, kiddo.
- 790
- 00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:34,208
- Pussycat, all is forgiven. You can stay.
- 791
- 00:45:34,791 --> 00:45:39,208
- No. You can stay,
- but not all is forgiven. Cheers.
- 792
- 00:45:44,958 --> 00:45:48,125
- Who asked Mr. Right
- to celebrate my birthday?
- 793
- 00:45:49,125 --> 00:45:50,916
- There are no accidents.
- 794
- 00:45:51,666 --> 00:45:53,000
- And who asked him?
- 795
- 00:45:54,541 --> 00:45:55,375
- Guilty.
- 796
- 00:45:56,041 --> 00:45:58,375
- Always got to have
- your crutch, haven't you?
- 797
- 00:45:58,458 --> 00:45:59,708
- I'm not leaving.
- 798
- 00:45:59,791 --> 00:46:02,541
- I feel sick. I think I'm gonna throw up.
- 799
- 00:46:02,625 --> 00:46:05,875
- Say that again, and I won't
- have to take my appetite suppressants.
- 800
- 00:46:05,958 --> 00:46:09,250
- -Easy does it. One step at a time.
- 801
- 00:46:20,125 --> 00:46:23,125
- I am not ready
- for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
- 802
- 00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:27,750
- Nor will I be for the next two weeks.
- 803
- 00:46:27,833 --> 00:46:30,958
- Oh, my God! He's after me again!
- 804
- 00:46:31,041 --> 00:46:33,458
- -He's sick.
- -Yeah, sick in the head.
- 805
- 00:46:35,833 --> 00:46:38,125
- Mary, take me home.
- These queens are crazy.
- 806
- 00:46:40,666 --> 00:46:41,833
- Turning on.
- 807
- 00:46:45,791 --> 00:46:48,958
- -Anybody care to join me?
- -Many thanks. No.
- 808
- 00:46:49,875 --> 00:46:51,250
- No, thank you.
- 809
- 00:46:51,875 --> 00:46:54,041
- How about you, Tex?
- 810
- 00:46:54,666 --> 00:46:55,625
- Yeah.
- 811
- 00:46:57,125 --> 00:47:01,583
- Michael, I left the casserole
- in the oven. Take it out anytime.
- 812
- 00:47:01,666 --> 00:47:02,750
- You're not going.
- 813
- 00:47:02,833 --> 00:47:05,750
- - I couldn't eat now anyway.
- -Well, I'm absolutely starving.
- 814
- 00:47:05,833 --> 00:47:07,416
- I'll eat until I have a fat attack.
- 815
- 00:47:07,500 --> 00:47:09,541
- I said you're not going.
- 816
- 00:47:09,625 --> 00:47:11,250
- Beware the hostile fag.
- 817
- 00:47:11,333 --> 00:47:14,583
- When he's sober, he's dangerous.
- When he drinks, he's lethal.
- 818
- 00:47:14,666 --> 00:47:17,625
- -Attention must not be paid.
- - Well, I'm starved, Em.
- 819
- 00:47:17,708 --> 00:47:21,666
- I'm ready for some of your
- Alice B. Toklas' opium-baked lasagna.
- 820
- 00:47:21,750 --> 00:47:24,375
- Are you really? Aw.
- 821
- 00:47:24,458 --> 00:47:27,458
- That makes me so pleased.
- Maybe I'll serve it before I leave.
- 822
- 00:47:27,541 --> 00:47:30,291
- Nobody is going anywhere.
- 823
- 00:47:31,458 --> 00:47:34,041
- You're gonna have schmertz tomorrow
- you wouldn't believe.
- 824
- 00:47:34,125 --> 00:47:36,500
- -Hey, do a figure-eight on that.
- 825
- 00:47:37,416 --> 00:47:41,291
- I'm turning on. You're just turning.
- 826
- 00:47:41,375 --> 00:47:44,541
- -Michael? Is there any air spray?
- - Hairspray?
- 827
- 00:47:45,166 --> 00:47:48,666
- You're supposed to be holding his head,
- not doing his hair.
- 828
- 00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:50,083
- Air spray, not hairspray.
- 829
- 00:47:50,166 --> 00:47:52,416
- There's a can of floral spray
- on top of the john.
- 830
- 00:47:52,500 --> 00:47:53,666
- Thanks.
- 831
- 00:47:53,750 --> 00:47:57,000
- I keep my grass
- in the medicine cabinet in a Band-Aid box.
- 832
- 00:47:57,083 --> 00:47:58,833
- Somebody told me it's the safest place.
- 833
- 00:47:58,916 --> 00:48:01,250
- If the cops arrive,
- you can lock yourself in the bathroom
- 834
- 00:48:01,333 --> 00:48:02,625
- and flush it down the john.
- 835
- 00:48:02,708 --> 00:48:03,916
- That's very cagey.
- 836
- 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,833
- Makes more sense
- than where I was keeping it.
- 837
- 00:48:05,916 --> 00:48:08,208
- In an oregano jar in the spice rack.
- 838
- 00:48:08,875 --> 00:48:13,000
- I kept forgetting, and accidentally
- turning my hateful mother on with a salad,
- 839
- 00:48:13,916 --> 00:48:15,083
- but I think she likes it.
- 840
- 00:48:15,166 --> 00:48:18,625
- No matter what meal she comes over for,
- even if it's breakfast, she says,
- 841
- 00:48:18,708 --> 00:48:19,791
- "Let's have a salad!"
- 842
- 00:48:25,250 --> 00:48:28,958
- You are definitely the type
- that still moves his lips when he reads,
- 843
- 00:48:29,625 --> 00:48:31,083
- and who sits in a steam room
- 844
- 00:48:31,166 --> 00:48:33,583
- and says things like,
- "Hot enough for you?"
- 845
- 00:48:33,666 --> 00:48:36,250
- I never use the steam room
- when I go to the gym.
- 846
- 00:48:36,875 --> 00:48:39,208
- It's bad after a workout.
- It flattens you down.
- 847
- 00:48:40,541 --> 00:48:44,833
- Just after you've broken your back
- to blow yourself up like a poisoned dog?
- 848
- 00:48:46,416 --> 00:48:48,791
- -Yeah.
- - You're right, Harold.
- 849
- 00:48:49,833 --> 00:48:52,708
- Not only can he not
- talk intelligently about art,
- 850
- 00:48:52,791 --> 00:48:55,750
- he can't even follow
- from one sentence to the next.
- 851
- 00:48:56,625 --> 00:48:58,041
- But he's beautiful.
- 852
- 00:48:58,916 --> 00:49:01,541
- He has unnatural natural beauty.
- 853
- 00:49:02,208 --> 00:49:05,125
- -Not that that means anything.
- -It doesn't mean everything.
- 854
- 00:49:05,208 --> 00:49:08,708
- Keep telling yourself that
- as your hair drops out in handfuls.
- 855
- 00:49:09,541 --> 00:49:14,708
- Not that it's not natural for one's hair
- to recede as one reaches seniority.
- 856
- 00:49:15,750 --> 00:49:19,208
- You know, faggots are worse
- than women about their age.
- 857
- 00:49:19,291 --> 00:49:21,500
- They think their lives are over at 30.
- 858
- 00:49:21,583 --> 00:49:24,708
- Physical beauty
- is not that goddamned important.
- 859
- 00:49:24,791 --> 00:49:27,041
- Well, of course it's not. How could it be?
- 860
- 00:49:27,125 --> 00:49:29,041
- It's only in the eye of the beholder.
- 861
- 00:49:29,125 --> 00:49:33,375
- And it's only skin-deep.
- Don't forget about that one.
- 862
- 00:49:34,833 --> 00:49:37,791
- Oh, no,
- I haven't forgotten that one at all.
- 863
- 00:49:38,291 --> 00:49:42,375
- It's only skin-deep,
- and it's transitory, too.
- 864
- 00:49:42,458 --> 00:49:44,708
- It's terribly transitory.
- 865
- 00:49:44,791 --> 00:49:50,416
- I mean, how long does it last?
- 30 or 40 or 50 years at the most?
- 866
- 00:49:50,500 --> 00:49:54,833
- Yes, it's too bad
- about this poor boy's face.
- 867
- 00:49:55,833 --> 00:49:57,000
- It's tragic.
- 868
- 00:49:57,625 --> 00:49:59,875
- He's absolutely cursed.
- 869
- 00:50:01,041 --> 00:50:04,916
- And how could his beauty
- ever compare with my soul?
- 870
- 00:50:05,666 --> 00:50:07,625
- And although I have never seen my soul,
- 871
- 00:50:07,708 --> 00:50:10,875
- I understand from my mother's rabbi
- that it's a knockout.
- 872
- 00:50:11,791 --> 00:50:14,791
- I, however, cannot seem
- to locate it for a gander,
- 873
- 00:50:14,875 --> 00:50:17,833
- and if I could,
- I would sell it in a flash
- 874
- 00:50:17,916 --> 00:50:21,750
- for some skin-deep,
- transitory, meaningless beauty.
- 875
- 00:50:21,833 --> 00:50:24,541
- Forgive him, Father,
- for he know not what he do.
- 876
- 00:50:24,625 --> 00:50:27,125
- Oh, Michael, you kill me.
- 877
- 00:50:27,208 --> 00:50:29,083
- You don't know
- which side of the fence you're on.
- 878
- 00:50:29,166 --> 00:50:31,708
- If somebody says something pro-religion,
- you're against them.
- 879
- 00:50:31,791 --> 00:50:34,166
- If somebody denies God,
- you're against them.
- 880
- 00:50:34,833 --> 00:50:37,333
- One might say
- you have a problem in this area.
- 881
- 00:50:37,416 --> 00:50:39,791
- You can't live with it,
- you can't live without it.
- 882
- 00:50:39,875 --> 00:50:41,458
- -Hot stuff coming through!
- -Hey!
- 883
- 00:50:41,541 --> 00:50:44,625
- You know what? One could murder you
- with very little effort.
- 884
- 00:50:44,708 --> 00:50:48,708
- You hang on to that great
- insurance policy called the church.
- 885
- 00:50:48,791 --> 00:50:50,541
- That's right, I believe in God.
- 886
- 00:50:50,625 --> 00:50:54,416
- And if it turns out that there
- really isn't one? Okay, nothing lost.
- 887
- 00:50:54,500 --> 00:50:57,208
- But if it turns out that there is,
- I'm covered.
- 888
- 00:50:57,291 --> 00:50:59,958
- Harriet Hypocrite, that's who you are.
- 889
- 00:51:00,041 --> 00:51:03,000
- Right. I am one
- of those truly rotten Catholics
- 890
- 00:51:03,083 --> 00:51:06,791
- who gets drunk, sins all night,
- and goes to Mass the next morning.
- 891
- 00:51:06,875 --> 00:51:09,541
- It depends on what you think sin is.
- 892
- 00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:13,458
- Would you shut your minty mouth
- and get back to the goddamn kitchen?
- 893
- 00:51:14,875 --> 00:51:17,333
- Say whatever you want. Just don't hit me.
- 894
- 00:51:18,708 --> 00:51:21,333
- Well, is it bigger than a breadstick?
- 895
- 00:51:21,416 --> 00:51:23,250
- He's laying down for a little bit.
- 896
- 00:51:23,333 --> 00:51:25,625
- -How does the bathroom smell?
- -Better.
- 897
- 00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:28,000
- -Before it smelled like somebody puked.
- 898
- 00:51:28,083 --> 00:51:30,583
- Now it smells like somebody
- puked in a gardenia patch.
- 899
- 00:51:30,666 --> 00:51:32,666
- Dinner is served!
- 900
- 00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:36,666
- What would you like, big boy?
- 901
- 00:51:36,750 --> 00:51:39,291
- Alan McCarthy, and don't hold the mayo.
- 902
- 00:51:39,375 --> 00:51:42,833
- Oh, Em, it looks absolutely fabulous.
- 903
- 00:51:42,916 --> 00:51:44,583
- I'd make somebody a good wife.
- 904
- 00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:46,583
- -What is it?
- -Lasagna.
- 905
- 00:51:46,666 --> 00:51:49,833
- Looks like spaghetti and meatballs
- sort of flattened out.
- 906
- 00:51:51,166 --> 00:51:54,041
- -Well, it's been in the steam room.
- 907
- 00:51:54,125 --> 00:51:55,833
- -It has?
- -Oh, my God.
- 908
- 00:51:56,500 --> 00:52:00,458
- "It looks like spaghetti and meatballs
- sort of flattened out."
- 909
- 00:52:00,541 --> 00:52:02,916
- Oh, yes, Harold, truly enviable.
- 910
- 00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,833
- As opposed to you,
- who knows so much about haute cuisine.
- 911
- 00:52:06,916 --> 00:52:10,458
- Raconteur, gourmet, troll.
- 912
- 00:52:11,083 --> 00:52:12,875
- -It's good.
- -You like it? Eat it.
- 913
- 00:52:12,958 --> 00:52:14,875
- Stuff your mouth
- so you can't say anything.
- 914
- 00:52:14,958 --> 00:52:15,791
- Turning.
- 915
- 00:52:15,875 --> 00:52:17,416
- - Wine?
- - No, thank you.
- 916
- 00:52:17,500 --> 00:52:19,833
- Oh, go on, kiddo. Force yourself.
- 917
- 00:52:19,916 --> 00:52:23,541
- Have a little vin ordinaire
- to wash down all that depressed pasta.
- 918
- 00:52:23,625 --> 00:52:27,333
- Sommelier, connoisseur, pig.
- 919
- 00:52:28,250 --> 00:52:29,708
- Aren't you gonna have any?
- 920
- 00:52:29,791 --> 00:52:33,750
- No, my lip hurts too much to eat.
- Anybody gonna bring a plate up to Alan?
- 921
- 00:52:33,833 --> 00:52:37,833
- Oh. The punching bag
- is now dissolved into Flo Nightingale.
- 922
- 00:52:37,916 --> 00:52:39,375
- Do you like it, Hallie?
- 923
- 00:52:39,458 --> 00:52:42,750
- Mmm. I'm having seconds and thirds
- and maybe even fifths.
- 924
- 00:52:42,833 --> 00:52:45,250
- I'm absolutely desperate
- to keep the weight up.
- 925
- 00:52:46,708 --> 00:52:50,083
- You're absolutely paranoid
- about absolutely everything.
- 926
- 00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:54,125
- Oh, yeah? Well, why don't you
- not tell me about it?
- 927
- 00:52:54,916 --> 00:52:57,125
- You starve yourself all day
- 928
- 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:59,625
- so that you can
- gorge yourself at one meal,
- 929
- 00:52:59,708 --> 00:53:04,500
- and then you moan and groan about
- how fat you are and how ugly you are,
- 930
- 00:53:04,583 --> 00:53:08,000
- when the truth is you're no fatter
- or thinner than you ever were.
- 931
- 00:53:08,083 --> 00:53:10,333
- -Polly Paranoia.
- -This is great, Emory.
- 932
- 00:53:10,416 --> 00:53:13,666
- Connie Casserole. No trouble at all.
- Oh, Mary, don't ask.
- 933
- 00:53:13,750 --> 00:53:18,250
- Oh! Oh! And this pathological lateness,
- that's downright crazy.
- 934
- 00:53:18,333 --> 00:53:19,333
- Turning!
- 935
- 00:53:19,416 --> 00:53:22,291
- Standing before a bathroom mirror
- for hours and hours
- 936
- 00:53:22,375 --> 00:53:24,791
- before you can walk out on the street,
- 937
- 00:53:24,875 --> 00:53:29,041
- and looking no different
- after Christ knows how many applications
- 938
- 00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:33,916
- of Christ knows how many
- ointments and salves and creams and masks.
- 939
- 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,208
- I've got bad skin. What can I tell you?
- 940
- 00:53:37,291 --> 00:53:40,041
- Who wouldn't after they deliberately
- take a pair of tweezers
- 941
- 00:53:40,125 --> 00:53:42,791
- and deliberately mutilate their pores?
- 942
- 00:53:42,875 --> 00:53:44,666
- There's no wonder
- you got holes in your face
- 943
- 00:53:44,750 --> 00:53:48,583
- after the hack job you have done
- on yourself year in and year out.
- 944
- 00:53:48,666 --> 00:53:50,916
- King of the pig people.
- 945
- 00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:54,041
- Yes, you've got scars on your face,
- but they're not that bad.
- 946
- 00:53:54,125 --> 00:53:56,041
- And if you'd leave yourself alone,
- 947
- 00:53:56,125 --> 00:53:59,125
- you wouldn't have any more
- than you've already awarded yourself.
- 948
- 00:54:00,541 --> 00:54:03,916
- You'd really like me
- to compliment you now, wouldn't you,
- 949
- 00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:05,333
- for how honest you're being?
- 950
- 00:54:06,458 --> 00:54:08,250
- For being my best friend who will tell me
- 951
- 00:54:08,333 --> 00:54:12,458
- what even my best friends won't tell me,
- you hateful sow.
- 952
- 00:54:12,541 --> 00:54:14,625
- And the pills!
- 953
- 00:54:14,708 --> 00:54:16,958
- Harold has been gathering, saving,
- 954
- 00:54:17,041 --> 00:54:19,708
- and storing up barbiturates
- for the past year
- 955
- 00:54:19,791 --> 00:54:21,375
- like a goddamn squirrel.
- 956
- 00:54:21,458 --> 00:54:24,375
- Hundreds of Nembutals,
- hundreds of Seconals.
- 957
- 00:54:24,458 --> 00:54:26,250
- All in preparation for,
- 958
- 00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:30,291
- and anticipation of,
- the long winter of his death.
- 959
- 00:54:30,375 --> 00:54:31,958
- I'll tell you right now, Hallie,
- 960
- 00:54:32,041 --> 00:54:35,416
- when the time comes,
- you'll never have the guts.
- 961
- 00:54:36,041 --> 00:54:38,333
- It's not always like it happens in plays.
- 962
- 00:54:38,416 --> 00:54:42,000
- Not all faggots bump themselves off
- at the end of the story.
- 963
- 00:54:46,625 --> 00:54:49,208
- -What you say may be true.
- 964
- 00:54:50,208 --> 00:54:52,416
- Time will undoubtedly tell.
- 965
- 00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:56,333
- But in the meantime,
- you've left out one detail.
- 966
- 00:54:58,375 --> 00:55:01,666
- The cosmetics
- and astringents are paid for,
- 967
- 00:55:02,625 --> 00:55:05,208
- the bathroom is paid for,
- 968
- 00:55:05,916 --> 00:55:07,666
- the tweezers are paid for,
- 969
- 00:55:07,750 --> 00:55:12,625
- and the pills⦠are paid for.
- 970
- 00:55:19,125 --> 00:55:22,166
- ⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 971
- 00:55:22,250 --> 00:55:26,625
- - Oh, Jesus.
- -⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 972
- 00:55:26,708 --> 00:55:30,750
- ⪠Happy birthday, dear Harold âª
- 973
- 00:55:32,458 --> 00:55:34,666
- ⪠Happy birthday to you âª
- 974
- 00:55:34,750 --> 00:55:36,041
- You're so sweet.
- 975
- 00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,541
- Blow out the candles, Mary,
- and make a wish!
- 976
- 00:55:39,625 --> 00:55:41,083
- Blow out your candles, Laura.
- 977
- 00:55:49,583 --> 00:55:53,125
- - She's 32 years young!
- - Oh, my God.
- 978
- 00:55:53,208 --> 00:55:56,041
- -Now you have to open your gifts.
- -Start with this one.
- 979
- 00:55:56,125 --> 00:55:59,041
- Presents! Where's the card?
- 980
- 00:55:59,125 --> 00:56:01,083
- -Uhâ¦
- - Here.
- 981
- 00:56:01,875 --> 00:56:04,291
- -Oh, from Larry.
- - Larry.
- 982
- 00:56:04,375 --> 00:56:06,083
- Why would you put it on the back?
- 983
- 00:56:09,375 --> 00:56:14,208
- Oh, it's heaven.
- Oh, I just love it, Larry.
- 984
- 00:56:14,291 --> 00:56:16,875
- -What is it?
- -The deed to Boardwalk.
- 985
- 00:56:16,958 --> 00:56:19,375
- - Aw. Gay pop art.
- 986
- 00:56:20,083 --> 00:56:22,666
- Oh, Larry, it's super.
- It goes up the minute I get home.
- 987
- 00:56:22,750 --> 00:56:24,166
- -Oh, good.
- - I don't get it.
- 988
- 00:56:24,250 --> 00:56:25,958
- You cruise Atlantic City or something?
- 989
- 00:56:26,875 --> 00:56:28,583
- How much did you pay for him?
- 990
- 00:56:29,250 --> 00:56:33,375
- -He was a steal.
- -I'm not a steal. I cost $20.
- 991
- 00:56:35,583 --> 00:56:38,291
- And what do you do for $20?
- 992
- 00:56:38,875 --> 00:56:39,958
- I do my best.
- 993
- 00:56:40,041 --> 00:56:43,416
- Oh, what a nifty sweater.
- 994
- 00:56:44,416 --> 00:56:45,625
- Thank you, Hank.
- 995
- 00:56:45,708 --> 00:56:47,750
- You can take it back,
- exchange it for something else.
- 996
- 00:56:47,833 --> 00:56:52,833
- -No, I think this one is just⦠nifty.
- 997
- 00:56:54,166 --> 00:56:55,791
- -Who wants cake?
- - Everybody?
- 998
- 00:56:55,875 --> 00:56:56,791
- None for me.
- 999
- 00:56:56,875 --> 00:56:58,291
- -There you go.
- -Thanks.
- 1000
- 00:56:58,875 --> 00:57:02,208
- Oh, Bernard! How divine!
- 1001
- 00:57:02,291 --> 00:57:05,083
- Look, everybody, bejeweled knee pads.
- 1002
- 00:57:07,666 --> 00:57:08,958
- Monogrammed.
- 1003
- 00:57:09,541 --> 00:57:11,166
- Bernard, you're a camp!
- 1004
- 00:57:23,125 --> 00:57:24,333
- Thank you, Michael.
- 1005
- 00:57:25,083 --> 00:57:26,000
- What?
- 1006
- 00:57:27,458 --> 00:57:28,458
- Oh.
- 1007
- 00:57:30,750 --> 00:57:33,333
- -You're welcome.
- - What is it, Harold?
- 1008
- 00:57:34,083 --> 00:57:36,375
- It's a photograph of him
- in a silver frame,
- 1009
- 00:57:36,458 --> 00:57:39,166
- and there's an inscription engraved
- and the date.
- 1010
- 00:57:39,958 --> 00:57:41,000
- What's it say?
- 1011
- 00:57:46,750 --> 00:57:48,458
- Just something personal.
- 1012
- 00:57:51,041 --> 00:57:54,875
- Hey, Bernard, what do you say we have
- a little music to liven things up?
- 1013
- 00:57:54,958 --> 00:57:58,333
- -Okay.
- -Yeah, I feel like dancing.
- 1014
- 00:58:00,583 --> 00:58:01,625
- Come on, Michael.
- 1015
- 00:58:02,458 --> 00:58:04,375
- Oh, no, thanks. I can only lead.
- 1016
- 00:58:05,166 --> 00:58:08,958
- - I can follow.
- -Oh, I think I'll sip this one out.
- 1017
- 00:58:09,041 --> 00:58:09,875
- Ha!
- 1018
- 00:58:17,708 --> 00:58:20,625
- ⪠You see this guy? âª
- 1019
- 00:58:22,458 --> 00:58:26,291
- ⪠This guy's in love with you âª
- 1020
- 00:58:29,083 --> 00:58:31,916
- ⪠Yes, I'm in love âª
- 1021
- 00:58:33,791 --> 00:58:39,000
- ⪠Who looks at you the way I do? âª
- 1022
- 00:58:39,791 --> 00:58:44,833
- ⪠When you smile I can tell âª
- 1023
- 00:58:44,916 --> 00:58:50,500
- ⪠We know each other very well âª
- 1024
- 00:58:51,083 --> 00:58:55,541
- ⪠How can I show you âª
- 1025
- 00:58:56,708 --> 00:59:02,291
- ⪠I'm glad I got to know you? âª
- 1026
- 00:59:02,375 --> 00:59:06,583
- ⪠'Cause I've heard some talk âª
- 1027
- 00:59:06,666 --> 00:59:07,666
- Come on, Tex.
- 1028
- 00:59:08,333 --> 00:59:12,125
- -⪠They say you think I'm fine âª
- -You're on.
- 1029
- 00:59:14,875 --> 00:59:17,958
- ⪠Yes, I'm in love âª
- 1030
- 00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:25,166
- ⪠And what I'd do to make you mine âª
- 1031
- 00:59:25,666 --> 00:59:30,833
- ⪠Tell me now, is it so? âª
- 1032
- 00:59:30,916 --> 00:59:36,333
- ⪠Don't let me be the last to know âª
- 1033
- 00:59:36,416 --> 00:59:41,375
- ⪠My hands are shaking âª
- 1034
- 00:59:42,625 --> 00:59:48,166
- ⪠Don't let my heart keep breaking âª
- 1035
- 00:59:48,250 --> 00:59:52,500
- ⪠'Cause I need your love âª
- 1036
- 00:59:54,875 --> 00:59:58,000
- ⪠I want your love âª
- 1037
- 01:00:00,666 --> 01:00:03,250
- ⪠Say you're in love âª
- 1038
- 01:00:04,666 --> 01:00:08,583
- ⪠In love with this guy âª
- 1039
- 01:00:13,291 --> 01:00:17,541
- ⪠If not, I'll just die âª
- 1040
- 01:00:17,625 --> 01:00:19,041
- Shit.
- 1041
- 01:00:20,958 --> 01:00:22,916
- -Michael!
- - Everybody, help clean up.
- 1042
- 01:00:26,916 --> 01:00:28,791
- Go, go, go! Come on!
- 1043
- 01:00:33,583 --> 01:00:36,250
- -Come here, kid.
- 1044
- 01:00:39,833 --> 01:00:42,625
- - Everybody, hurry up!
- - Close the door!
- 1045
- 01:00:44,375 --> 01:00:46,208
- - Come on, guys.
- - Come on.
- 1046
- 01:00:47,791 --> 01:00:49,166
- Get the fuck inside.
- 1047
- 01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:51,875
- - Oh God.
- 1048
- 01:00:51,958 --> 01:00:53,208
- I'm dripping all over.
- 1049
- 01:00:55,083 --> 01:00:57,208
- Take a towel.
- Don't get the goddamn furniture wet.
- 1050
- 01:00:57,291 --> 01:01:00,458
- -Here. Towel. Dry off.
- -Jesus, Michael.
- 1051
- 01:01:00,541 --> 01:01:02,125
- -Thanks. Thanks, Michael.
- 1052
- 01:01:05,208 --> 01:01:06,208
- Wanna dance?
- 1053
- 01:01:06,291 --> 01:01:08,833
- Uh-oh, Yvonne the Terrible is back.
- 1054
- 01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:11,833
- Oh, hello, Alan. You feel better?
- 1055
- 01:01:13,458 --> 01:01:15,791
- Oh, no. No, no, no. Alan, no.
- 1056
- 01:01:16,500 --> 01:01:20,833
- As they say in the Deep South,
- don't rush off in this inclement weather.
- 1057
- 01:01:20,916 --> 01:01:22,250
- You'll never get a cab.
- 1058
- 01:01:22,333 --> 01:01:24,416
- Revolution complete.
- 1059
- 01:01:24,500 --> 01:01:27,916
- You missed the cake
- and you missed the opening of the gifts,
- 1060
- 01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:29,500
- but you're still in luck.
- 1061
- 01:01:29,583 --> 01:01:32,208
- You're just in time for a party game.
- 1062
- 01:01:32,291 --> 01:01:34,125
- Hey, everybody, game time.
- 1063
- 01:01:34,208 --> 01:01:36,291
- Michael, why don't you just let him go?
- 1064
- 01:01:36,916 --> 01:01:38,333
- He can go if he wants to,
- 1065
- 01:01:39,083 --> 01:01:41,375
- but not before we play a little game.
- 1066
- 01:01:41,458 --> 01:01:43,708
- What's it gonna be, movie-star gin?
- 1067
- 01:01:43,791 --> 01:01:48,625
- No. No, that's too faggy for Alan to play.
- He wouldn't be any good at it.
- 1068
- 01:01:48,708 --> 01:01:50,958
- What would you like to play, Michael?
- The Truth Game?
- 1069
- 01:01:51,541 --> 01:01:52,458
- Cute, Hallie.
- 1070
- 01:01:52,541 --> 01:01:54,583
- Or would you like to play Murder?
- 1071
- 01:01:54,666 --> 01:01:57,750
- -You all remember that one, don't you?
- - Very, very cute.
- 1072
- 01:01:57,833 --> 01:01:59,625
- As I recall, they're quite similar.
- 1073
- 01:01:59,708 --> 01:02:02,416
- The rules are the same in both:
- you kill somebody.
- 1074
- 01:02:03,291 --> 01:02:05,250
- -Mickey, I'm leaving.
- -Stay where you are.
- 1075
- 01:02:05,333 --> 01:02:08,958
- -Michael, let him go.
- - He really doesn't want to.
- 1076
- 01:02:09,041 --> 01:02:11,750
- If he did, he'd have left a long time ago,
- 1077
- 01:02:11,833 --> 01:02:13,750
- or he wouldn't have come
- in the first place.
- 1078
- 01:02:13,833 --> 01:02:16,291
- -Mickey. I don't feel--
- -My name is Michael.
- 1079
- 01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:17,958
- I'm called Michael.
- 1080
- 01:02:18,625 --> 01:02:21,500
- You must never call
- anyone called Michael "Mickey."
- 1081
- 01:02:22,625 --> 01:02:26,000
- Those of us who are named Michael
- get very nervous about it.
- 1082
- 01:02:27,541 --> 01:02:29,166
- If you don't believe it, try it.
- 1083
- 01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:32,208
- I'm sorry. Iâ¦
- 1084
- 01:02:33,875 --> 01:02:35,333
- I can't think.
- 1085
- 01:02:35,416 --> 01:02:36,958
- You can think.
- 1086
- 01:02:37,916 --> 01:02:39,500
- What you can't do is leave.
- 1087
- 01:02:39,583 --> 01:02:41,750
- It's like watching
- an accident on a highway.
- 1088
- 01:02:41,833 --> 01:02:44,333
- You can't look at it,
- and you can't look away.
- 1089
- 01:03:07,791 --> 01:03:10,041
- Who's going to play
- with Alan and me? Everyone?
- 1090
- 01:03:10,125 --> 01:03:13,875
- -I have no intention of playing.
- -Yeah, nor do I.
- 1091
- 01:03:13,958 --> 01:03:16,125
- Well, not everyone
- is a participant in life.
- 1092
- 01:03:16,208 --> 01:03:19,083
- There are always those
- who stand on the sidelines and watch.
- 1093
- 01:03:19,166 --> 01:03:21,708
- -What's the game?
- - Simply this:
- 1094
- 01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:25,250
- We all have to call on the telephone
- 1095
- 01:03:25,333 --> 01:03:29,916
- the one person
- we truly believe we have loved.
- 1096
- 01:03:31,791 --> 01:03:34,625
- -I'm not playing.
- -Oh, yes, you are.
- 1097
- 01:03:35,250 --> 01:03:37,916
- -You'd like for me to play.
- -I'd like to know who you'd call
- 1098
- 01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,375
- after all the fancy speeches
- I've heard lately.
- 1099
- 01:03:40,458 --> 01:03:42,875
- Who'd you call, Hank? Would you call me?
- 1100
- 01:03:42,958 --> 01:03:46,291
- Oh! Sounds like there's,
- how you say, trouble in paradise.
- 1101
- 01:03:46,375 --> 01:03:49,250
- Well, if there isn't,
- I'm sure you could stir up some.
- 1102
- 01:03:49,333 --> 01:03:51,375
- And who would you call? Hmm?
- 1103
- 01:03:52,041 --> 01:03:54,458
- Don't think I think for one minute
- that it would be me.
- 1104
- 01:03:55,166 --> 01:03:57,583
- Or that one call would do it.
- You'd have to make several.
- 1105
- 01:03:57,666 --> 01:04:00,250
- Three long-distance,
- God only knows how many locals.
- 1106
- 01:04:00,333 --> 01:04:02,833
- -I'm glad I don't have to pay the bill.
- -Quiet.
- 1107
- 01:04:02,916 --> 01:04:05,833
- Don't worry.
- Michael won't pay it either.
- 1108
- 01:04:06,375 --> 01:04:10,875
- Now, here's how it works.
- If you make the call, you get one point.
- 1109
- 01:04:10,958 --> 01:04:13,958
- If the person you are calling answers,
- you get two more points.
- 1110
- 01:04:14,041 --> 01:04:16,041
- Somebody else answers, you only get one.
- 1111
- 01:04:16,125 --> 01:04:18,375
- And if there's no answer at allâ¦
- 1112
- 01:04:18,958 --> 01:04:19,958
- you're screwed.
- 1113
- 01:04:20,041 --> 01:04:21,833
- You're screwed if you make the call.
- 1114
- 01:04:21,916 --> 01:04:24,750
- When you get the person
- whom you are calling on the line,
- 1115
- 01:04:24,833 --> 01:04:28,208
- if you tell them who you are,
- you get two points. And thenâ¦
- 1116
- 01:04:29,625 --> 01:04:33,083
- If you tell them that you love them,
- 1117
- 01:04:33,166 --> 01:04:35,958
- you get a bonus of five more points.
- 1118
- 01:04:36,041 --> 01:04:37,625
- -Hateful.
- 1119
- 01:04:37,708 --> 01:04:41,416
- Therefore, you can get
- as many as ten points and as few as one.
- 1120
- 01:04:41,500 --> 01:04:44,083
- You can get as few as none
- if you know how to work it.
- 1121
- 01:04:44,166 --> 01:04:45,541
- Hank, leave with me?
- 1122
- 01:04:45,625 --> 01:04:47,750
- Oh, well, now, did you hear that?
- 1123
- 01:04:51,500 --> 01:04:53,708
- You don't understand, Alan. I can't.
- 1124
- 01:04:54,583 --> 01:04:57,166
- You can, but I can't.
- 1125
- 01:04:57,250 --> 01:04:59,666
- If he doesn't understand,
- explain it to him.
- 1126
- 01:04:59,750 --> 01:05:01,833
- -I'll explain it.
- -I had a feeling you might.
- 1127
- 01:05:01,916 --> 01:05:04,416
- Alan, Hank and Larry are lovers.
- 1128
- 01:05:05,083 --> 01:05:06,500
- They're not roommates.
- 1129
- 01:05:06,583 --> 01:05:08,583
- -Bedmates, lovers.
- -Michael.
- 1130
- 01:05:08,666 --> 01:05:11,583
- No man's still got a roommate
- when he's over 40 years old.
- 1131
- 01:05:11,666 --> 01:05:13,583
- If they're not lovers, they're sisters.
- 1132
- 01:05:13,666 --> 01:05:16,583
- -Hank is the one who's over 40.
- -Well, you're pushing it.
- 1133
- 01:05:17,541 --> 01:05:18,708
- Hank.
- 1134
- 01:05:21,166 --> 01:05:24,625
- Yes, Alan. Larry and I are lovers.
- 1135
- 01:05:24,708 --> 01:05:25,541
- Butâ¦
- 1136
- 01:05:26,791 --> 01:05:27,875
- But you're married.
- 1137
- 01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:33,125
- Jesus Christ.
- 1138
- 01:05:34,916 --> 01:05:37,625
- I think you said the wrong thing.
- 1139
- 01:05:37,708 --> 01:05:40,000
- Don't you love that quaint little idea?
- 1140
- 01:05:40,083 --> 01:05:43,500
- If a man's married,
- he's automatically heterosexual.
- 1141
- 01:05:43,583 --> 01:05:49,708
- Alan, Hank swings both waysâ¦
- with a definite preference.
- 1142
- 01:05:55,416 --> 01:05:58,791
- Now⦠who makes the first call?
- 1143
- 01:06:03,208 --> 01:06:05,291
- -Emory?
- -You go, Bernard.
- 1144
- 01:06:05,375 --> 01:06:08,958
- -Mm. I don't want to.
- -Go on, call up Peter Dahlbeck.
- 1145
- 01:06:09,041 --> 01:06:12,000
- -That's who you'd like to call, isn't it?
- - Who is Peter Dahlbeck?
- 1146
- 01:06:12,083 --> 01:06:13,208
- The boy in Detroit
- 1147
- 01:06:13,291 --> 01:06:15,583
- whose family Bernard's mother
- has been a laundress for
- 1148
- 01:06:15,666 --> 01:06:18,208
- since he was a little black-eyed pea.
- 1149
- 01:06:20,541 --> 01:06:21,958
- I worked for them, too,
- 1150
- 01:06:23,083 --> 01:06:24,958
- after school and every summer.
- 1151
- 01:06:28,666 --> 01:06:30,416
- I think I've loved him all my life.
- 1152
- 01:06:33,958 --> 01:06:36,083
- But he never knew I was alive.
- 1153
- 01:06:42,416 --> 01:06:43,958
- Besides, he's straight.
- 1154
- 01:06:44,041 --> 01:06:45,750
- Nothing ever happened between you?
- 1155
- 01:06:46,541 --> 01:06:49,083
- They finally made it
- in the pool house one night
- 1156
- 01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:51,083
- after a drunken swimming party.
- 1157
- 01:06:51,166 --> 01:06:55,458
- With the right wine and the right music,
- there are damn few that aren't curious.
- 1158
- 01:06:55,541 --> 01:06:58,833
- And afterwards, we went swimming,
- 1159
- 01:06:59,666 --> 01:07:04,333
- in the nude, in the dark,
- only the moon reflecting the water.
- 1160
- 01:07:04,416 --> 01:07:06,166
- How romantic.
- 1161
- 01:07:06,250 --> 01:07:10,500
- And the next morning, you took him
- his coffee and Alka-Seltzer on a tray.
- 1162
- 01:07:13,125 --> 01:07:16,666
- I remember I was worried sick all morning
- about having to face him,
- 1163
- 01:07:17,458 --> 01:07:20,166
- but he pretended
- like nothing at all had happened.
- 1164
- 01:07:20,250 --> 01:07:23,791
- Christ, he must have been so drunk,
- he didn't remember a thing.
- 1165
- 01:07:23,875 --> 01:07:25,416
- Odd how that works.
- 1166
- 01:07:25,500 --> 01:07:29,458
- And now for ten points,
- get that liar on the phone.
- 1167
- 01:07:34,416 --> 01:07:36,583
- - Mmm!
- - Oh!
- 1168
- 01:07:43,791 --> 01:07:45,041
- You know the number?
- 1169
- 01:07:46,083 --> 01:07:49,541
- Sure, he's back
- in Grosse Pointe, living at home.
- 1170
- 01:07:49,625 --> 01:07:51,875
- Just got separated from his third wife.
- 1171
- 01:07:51,958 --> 01:07:53,166
- -Mmm-hmm.
- - Mmm-hmm.
- 1172
- 01:08:00,541 --> 01:08:02,458
- -DA or BY?
- -What?
- 1173
- 01:08:02,541 --> 01:08:05,625
- It's operator lingo.
- It means "doesn't answer" or "busy."
- 1174
- 01:08:05,708 --> 01:08:07,750
- He didn't even give it time
- to find out.
- 1175
- 01:08:07,833 --> 01:08:11,791
- Come on, Bernard. Pick up that phone.
- 1176
- 01:08:11,875 --> 01:08:15,166
- You know you want to call him.
- You know that, don't you?
- 1177
- 01:08:16,333 --> 01:08:17,333
- Well, go ahead.
- 1178
- 01:08:18,125 --> 01:08:22,291
- Your curiosity's got the best of you now.
- So go on, call him.
- 1179
- 01:08:44,541 --> 01:08:45,541
- Do it.
- 1180
- 01:08:56,916 --> 01:08:58,416
- -Hello?
- - One point.
- 1181
- 01:08:59,125 --> 01:09:00,333
- Who's speaking?
- 1182
- 01:09:03,125 --> 01:09:04,125
- Oh!
- 1183
- 01:09:04,958 --> 01:09:07,208
- -Mrs. Dahlbeck.
- - One point.
- 1184
- 01:09:07,291 --> 01:09:08,291
- It's Bernard.
- 1185
- 01:09:11,041 --> 01:09:12,291
- Francine's boy.
- 1186
- 01:09:13,166 --> 01:09:15,208
- - Son, not boy.
- -Shh.
- 1187
- 01:09:17,833 --> 01:09:20,750
- Oh, just fine, thank you.
- 1188
- 01:09:22,375 --> 01:09:25,666
- Mrs. Dahlbeck, is-is⦠Peter at home?
- 1189
- 01:09:30,041 --> 01:09:31,166
- Oh.
- 1190
- 01:09:33,708 --> 01:09:34,583
- Oh, I see.
- 1191
- 01:09:34,666 --> 01:09:35,666
- Oh, shit.
- 1192
- 01:09:36,166 --> 01:09:38,000
- -Oh, no, no.
- 1193
- 01:09:38,583 --> 01:09:42,125
- Oh, no, no. No, no.
- It-It's nothing important. I, umâ¦
- 1194
- 01:09:45,708 --> 01:09:47,458
- I just wanted to tell him thatâ¦
- 1195
- 01:09:51,750 --> 01:09:54,833
- Just to tell him that Iâ¦
- 1196
- 01:09:54,916 --> 01:09:59,708
- I love him⦠and I've always loved him.
- 1197
- 01:10:06,125 --> 01:10:08,916
- That I was very sorry
- to hear about him and his wife.
- 1198
- 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:10,041
- No points.
- 1199
- 01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:13,125
- Mama wrote me.
- 1200
- 01:10:15,333 --> 01:10:19,166
- Yes, it is. It-It-It really is. Well, uhâ¦
- 1201
- 01:10:21,291 --> 01:10:25,416
- Would you just tell him
- that I called and said that Iâ¦
- 1202
- 01:10:35,166 --> 01:10:36,166
- That I, uhâ¦
- 1203
- 01:10:48,500 --> 01:10:50,333
- I was just very, very sorry to hear
- 1204
- 01:10:50,416 --> 01:10:52,916
- and hope they can
- get everything straightened out.
- 1205
- 01:10:55,375 --> 01:10:57,750
- Good night. Uh-huh.
- 1206
- 01:10:58,666 --> 01:10:59,791
- Goodbye.
- 1207
- 01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:15,416
- Two points total.
- 1208
- 01:11:15,916 --> 01:11:18,125
- -Terrible. Next.
- -You all right, Bernard?
- 1209
- 01:11:19,916 --> 01:11:20,833
- Why did I call?
- 1210
- 01:11:22,833 --> 01:11:24,166
- Why did I do that?
- 1211
- 01:11:24,958 --> 01:11:27,291
- -Where was he?
- -Out on a date.
- 1212
- 01:11:29,958 --> 01:11:30,833
- Come on.
- 1213
- 01:11:31,333 --> 01:11:32,166
- Emory.
- 1214
- 01:11:34,166 --> 01:11:35,208
- Punch in.
- 1215
- 01:11:50,583 --> 01:11:52,458
- May I have a number, please?
- 1216
- 01:11:53,583 --> 01:11:54,708
- In the Bronx.
- 1217
- 01:11:57,041 --> 01:11:59,583
- For a Delbert Botts.
- 1218
- 01:11:59,666 --> 01:12:04,083
- A Delbert Botts?
- How many could there be?
- 1219
- 01:12:04,166 --> 01:12:05,916
- Wish I hadn't called now.
- 1220
- 01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:07,750
- No, the residence number, please.
- 1221
- 01:12:18,708 --> 01:12:19,708
- Thank you.
- 1222
- 01:12:20,500 --> 01:12:23,125
- I do wish Information
- would stop calling me "ma'am."
- 1223
- 01:12:23,208 --> 01:12:24,666
- -Hey, by all means,
- 1224
- 01:12:24,750 --> 01:12:26,375
- scribble all over my phone.
- 1225
- 01:12:26,458 --> 01:12:28,375
- It comes off with a little spit.
- 1226
- 01:12:28,458 --> 01:12:30,500
- Ooh, like a lot of things.
- 1227
- 01:12:30,583 --> 01:12:32,541
- Who the hell is Delbert Botts?
- 1228
- 01:12:32,625 --> 01:12:36,541
- The one person I've always loved.
- That's who you said to call, isn't it?
- 1229
- 01:12:36,625 --> 01:12:37,541
- Right, emery board.
- 1230
- 01:12:37,625 --> 01:12:41,000
- Ugh, how could you love somebody
- with a name like that?
- 1231
- 01:12:41,583 --> 01:12:46,625
- Yes, Emory, you couldn't possibly
- love anyone with a name like that.
- 1232
- 01:12:46,708 --> 01:12:49,541
- That wouldn't look good
- on a place card. Right, Alan?
- 1233
- 01:12:49,625 --> 01:12:51,500
- I admit his name is not so good,
- 1234
- 01:12:52,291 --> 01:12:53,250
- but heâ¦
- 1235
- 01:12:54,416 --> 01:12:56,250
- Absolutely beautiful.
- 1236
- 01:12:56,333 --> 01:13:00,125
- I've loved him ever since
- the first day I laid eyes on him,
- 1237
- 01:13:01,708 --> 01:13:04,125
- which was when I was in the fifth grade
- 1238
- 01:13:04,791 --> 01:13:08,291
- and he was a senior.
- 1239
- 01:13:10,791 --> 01:13:12,666
- Then he went away to college,
- 1240
- 01:13:12,750 --> 01:13:15,416
- and by the time he got out,
- I was in high school.
- 1241
- 01:13:15,500 --> 01:13:18,875
- And he had become⦠a dentist.
- 1242
- 01:13:18,958 --> 01:13:22,958
- And you went and had every tooth
- in your head pulled out, right?
- 1243
- 01:13:23,625 --> 01:13:24,541
- No.
- 1244
- 01:13:25,750 --> 01:13:27,875
- I just had my teeth cleaned, that's all.
- 1245
- 01:13:27,958 --> 01:13:31,000
- -Oh, I shouldn't have called.
- -Will you shut up, Bernard?
- 1246
- 01:13:31,083 --> 01:13:34,208
- And take your boring, sleep-making icks
- somewhere else. Go.
- 1247
- 01:13:35,208 --> 01:13:39,458
- I remember I looked
- right in his eyes the whole time.
- 1248
- 01:13:41,291 --> 01:13:43,500
- I kept wanting to bite his fingers.
- 1249
- 01:13:43,583 --> 01:13:45,625
- Well, it's absolutely mind-boggling.
- 1250
- 01:13:45,708 --> 01:13:48,916
- -Phyllis Phallic.
- -It absolutely boggles the mind.
- 1251
- 01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:51,833
- I told him I was having my teeth cleaned
- 1252
- 01:13:51,916 --> 01:13:56,833
- for the junior-senior prom
- for which I was in charge of decorations.
- 1253
- 01:13:58,375 --> 01:14:00,833
- I told him
- it was a celestial theme,
- 1254
- 01:14:00,916 --> 01:14:03,875
- and I was cutting stars out of tin foil
- 1255
- 01:14:03,958 --> 01:14:08,916
- and making clouds
- out of chicken wire and angel's hair.
- 1256
- 01:14:10,541 --> 01:14:13,875
- Oh, Mary, it takes a fairy
- to make something pretty.
- 1257
- 01:14:13,958 --> 01:14:17,125
- I got angel's hair down my shirt
- once at Christmastime.
- 1258
- 01:14:17,208 --> 01:14:18,458
- Gosh, did it itch.
- 1259
- 01:14:19,041 --> 01:14:21,541
- It would be terrible
- if you got that stuff in yourâ¦
- 1260
- 01:14:24,375 --> 01:14:25,333
- I'll be quiet.
- 1261
- 01:14:31,416 --> 01:14:35,166
- He was engaged
- to this stupid-ass girl named Loraine,
- 1262
- 01:14:35,250 --> 01:14:37,708
- whose mother was truly
- a real see-you-next-Tuesday.
- 1263
- 01:14:37,791 --> 01:14:39,750
- Uh-uh. Don't digress.
- 1264
- 01:14:41,166 --> 01:14:45,791
- Well, anyway⦠I was a wreck.
- I mean, a total mess.
- 1265
- 01:14:45,875 --> 01:14:49,333
- I couldn't eat, sleep,
- stand up, sit down, nothing.
- 1266
- 01:14:50,541 --> 01:14:54,500
- Finally, I called him on the phone
- and asked if I could see him alone.
- 1267
- 01:14:55,375 --> 01:14:57,666
- Clearly, not the coolest of moves.
- 1268
- 01:14:58,708 --> 01:14:59,833
- He said okay.
- 1269
- 01:15:00,875 --> 01:15:02,458
- Told me to come by his house.
- 1270
- 01:15:04,791 --> 01:15:08,958
- I was so nervous, my hands were shaking.
- I couldn't even look at him.
- 1271
- 01:15:09,791 --> 01:15:15,041
- I just⦠stared straight in space
- and blurted out why I'd come.
- 1272
- 01:15:15,125 --> 01:15:18,500
- I told him I wanted him to be my friend.
- 1273
- 01:15:19,833 --> 01:15:24,166
- I said that I had never
- had a friend I could talk to
- 1274
- 01:15:24,875 --> 01:15:28,583
- and tell everything to and-and trust.
- 1275
- 01:15:30,541 --> 01:15:32,291
- I asked him if he would be my friend.
- 1276
- 01:15:34,208 --> 01:15:36,291
- He said he would be glad to be my friend,
- 1277
- 01:15:36,875 --> 01:15:40,208
- and anytime I wanted
- to see him or call him,
- 1278
- 01:15:40,291 --> 01:15:42,750
- to just call him and he'd see me.
- 1279
- 01:15:44,083 --> 01:15:48,166
- And he shook my trembling hand,
- and I leftâ¦
- 1280
- 01:15:50,166 --> 01:15:53,125
- -on a cloud.
- -One of the ones you made yourself.
- 1281
- 01:15:53,208 --> 01:15:54,291
- And the next day,
- 1282
- 01:15:55,083 --> 01:15:57,791
- I went out and bought him
- a gold-plated cigarette lighter
- 1283
- 01:15:57,875 --> 01:15:59,958
- and had his initials monogrammed on it.
- 1284
- 01:16:00,041 --> 01:16:04,791
- I wrote a card that said,
- "From your friend, Emory."
- 1285
- 01:16:05,375 --> 01:16:08,166
- Seventeen years old
- and already big with the gifts.
- 1286
- 01:16:08,250 --> 01:16:09,958
- And then the night of the prom,
- 1287
- 01:16:10,833 --> 01:16:15,083
- I heard Loraine
- and another girl I knew giggling together.
- 1288
- 01:16:17,708 --> 01:16:21,666
- Obviously, Del had told Loraine
- about my calling and about the gift.
- 1289
- 01:16:22,833 --> 01:16:25,625
- Pretty soon, everybody at the dance
- had heard about it.
- 1290
- 01:16:26,666 --> 01:16:28,791
- They were laughing and making jokes.
- 1291
- 01:16:30,791 --> 01:16:34,375
- Everybody knew
- that I had a crush on Dr. Delbert Botts
- 1292
- 01:16:34,958 --> 01:16:37,500
- and that I had asked him to be my friend.
- 1293
- 01:16:44,208 --> 01:16:46,416
- What they didn't know
- was that I loved him,
- 1294
- 01:16:48,375 --> 01:16:50,125
- and that I would go on loving him
- 1295
- 01:16:50,208 --> 01:16:55,833
- years after they had all forgotten
- my funny little secret.
- 1296
- 01:16:57,916 --> 01:17:01,500
- Well, I for one need an insulin injection.
- 1297
- 01:17:01,583 --> 01:17:02,750
- Oh.
- 1298
- 01:17:07,083 --> 01:17:09,041
- -Call him.
- -Don't, Emory.
- 1299
- 01:17:09,125 --> 01:17:10,958
- Since when are you telling him what to do?
- 1300
- 01:17:11,041 --> 01:17:13,166
- Don't. You'll be sorry.
- Take my word for it.
- 1301
- 01:17:13,250 --> 01:17:14,875
- What have I got to lose?
- 1302
- 01:17:14,958 --> 01:17:17,416
- Your dignity.
- That's what you've got to lose.
- 1303
- 01:17:17,500 --> 01:17:19,750
- Oh, that's a knee-slapper. I loveâ¦
- 1304
- 01:17:19,833 --> 01:17:21,791
- You're telling him about dignity
- 1305
- 01:17:21,875 --> 01:17:24,208
- when you allow him
- to degrade you constantly
- 1306
- 01:17:24,291 --> 01:17:25,916
- by Uncle Tom-ing you to death.
- 1307
- 01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:30,166
- He can do it, Michael.
- I can do it. But you can't do it.
- 1308
- 01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:33,583
- Isn't that discrimination?
- 1309
- 01:17:33,666 --> 01:17:36,833
- I don't like it from him,
- and I don't like it from me.
- 1310
- 01:17:37,791 --> 01:17:39,458
- But I do it to myself,
- 1311
- 01:17:40,375 --> 01:17:42,083
- and I let him do it.
- 1312
- 01:17:42,166 --> 01:17:44,458
- I let him do it
- because it's the only thing that,
- 1313
- 01:17:44,541 --> 01:17:46,333
- to him, makes him my equal.
- 1314
- 01:17:48,125 --> 01:17:50,500
- We both got the short end of the stick,
- 1315
- 01:17:50,583 --> 01:17:53,708
- but I got a hell of a lot more
- than he did, and he knows it.
- 1316
- 01:17:53,791 --> 01:17:55,083
- I let him Uncle Tom me
- 1317
- 01:17:55,166 --> 01:17:58,291
- just so he can tell himself
- he's not a complete loser.
- 1318
- 01:18:00,583 --> 01:18:02,625
- How very considerate.
- 1319
- 01:18:03,125 --> 01:18:05,208
- It's his defense, Michael.
- 1320
- 01:18:05,291 --> 01:18:08,083
- You have your defense,
- but it's indescribable.
- 1321
- 01:18:11,708 --> 01:18:17,000
- Y'all want to hear a little polite
- parlor jest from the liberal Deep South?
- 1322
- 01:18:17,083 --> 01:18:20,375
- Do you know
- why niggers have such big lips?
- 1323
- 01:18:20,458 --> 01:18:23,166
- Because they're always goingâ¦
- 1324
- 01:18:23,250 --> 01:18:25,791
- Christ, Michael!
- Give me that. Let go, Michael.
- 1325
- 01:18:27,208 --> 01:18:30,833
- I can do without your goddamn spit
- on my telephone, you nellie coward!
- 1326
- 01:18:30,916 --> 01:18:33,291
- I may be nellie, but I'm no coward!
- 1327
- 01:18:35,875 --> 01:18:37,041
- Yo, Bernardâ¦
- 1328
- 01:18:38,375 --> 01:18:39,666
- forgive me. I'm sorry.
- 1329
- 01:18:39,750 --> 01:18:42,250
- I won't ever say
- those things to you again.
- 1330
- 01:18:56,625 --> 01:18:57,708
- Huh.
- 1331
- 01:19:03,750 --> 01:19:05,416
- -BY.
- -It's busy?
- 1332
- 01:19:05,500 --> 01:19:07,666
- Loraine is probably talking to her mother.
- 1333
- 01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:11,208
- Oh, yes, Delbert married Loraine.
- 1334
- 01:19:11,291 --> 01:19:14,000
- I'm sorry, you'll have
- to forfeit your turn. We can't wait.
- 1335
- 01:19:14,916 --> 01:19:17,041
- Well, you're not wasting any time.
- 1336
- 01:19:17,708 --> 01:19:19,625
- -Who are you calling?
- - Charlie.
- 1337
- 01:19:20,500 --> 01:19:23,791
- I refuse to forfeit my turn.
- It is my turn, and I'm taking it.
- 1338
- 01:19:23,875 --> 01:19:25,750
- That's the spirit, Emory.
- 1339
- 01:19:25,833 --> 01:19:29,500
- You hit that iceberg! Don't miss it.
- Hit it! God damn it!
- 1340
- 01:19:29,583 --> 01:19:31,500
- I want a smash of a finale.
- 1341
- 01:19:31,583 --> 01:19:34,666
- - God, I'm drunk.
- -You're a falling-down-drunk-nellie-queen.
- 1342
- 01:19:34,750 --> 01:19:36,958
- Now that's the pot
- calling the kettle beige.
- 1343
- 01:19:37,041 --> 01:19:41,000
- I am not drunk.
- You cannot tell that I am drunk.
- 1344
- 01:19:41,083 --> 01:19:42,875
- -I'm drunk.
- - So am I.
- 1345
- 01:19:42,958 --> 01:19:44,708
- -I am a major drunk.
- -Shut up and dial.
- 1346
- 01:19:44,791 --> 01:19:49,125
- I'm a major drunk
- of this or any other season.
- 1347
- 01:19:56,041 --> 01:19:57,708
- It's ringing. It's no longer BY.
- 1348
- 01:20:00,833 --> 01:20:02,500
- -Hello?
- - One point.
- 1349
- 01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:06,000
- Who's speaking?
- 1350
- 01:20:07,458 --> 01:20:08,291
- Who?
- 1351
- 01:20:10,041 --> 01:20:11,375
- Dr. Delbert Botts?
- 1352
- 01:20:11,458 --> 01:20:12,625
- Two points.
- 1353
- 01:20:17,458 --> 01:20:19,208
- Del, is this really you?
- 1354
- 01:20:22,625 --> 01:20:24,791
- Nobody.
- 1355
- 01:20:28,625 --> 01:20:31,333
- Yeah, you don't know me.
- You wouldn't remember me.
- 1356
- 01:20:32,166 --> 01:20:33,000
- Umâ¦
- 1357
- 01:20:37,375 --> 01:20:38,666
- I'm just a friend.
- 1358
- 01:20:40,791 --> 01:20:42,958
- A falling-down, drunken friend.
- 1359
- 01:20:47,583 --> 01:20:48,708
- Hello?
- 1360
- 01:20:51,458 --> 01:20:52,458
- Hello?
- 1361
- 01:20:56,625 --> 01:20:57,625
- Hello?
- 1362
- 01:21:10,500 --> 01:21:13,583
- - He hung up.
- -Three points total. You're winning.
- 1363
- 01:21:13,666 --> 01:21:15,125
- He said I must have the wrong party.
- 1364
- 01:21:15,208 --> 01:21:17,916
- Well, he's right. We have the wrong party.
- 1365
- 01:21:19,708 --> 01:21:22,083
- It's your party, Hallie.
- Having a good time?
- 1366
- 01:21:22,166 --> 01:21:23,666
- Simply fabulous.
- 1367
- 01:21:23,750 --> 01:21:26,291
- How about you?
- Are you having a good time, Emory?
- 1368
- 01:21:26,375 --> 01:21:29,083
- Are you having as good a time
- as you thought you would?
- 1369
- 01:21:35,625 --> 01:21:38,000
- -My turn now.
- -No, it's my turn to call Charlie.
- 1370
- 01:21:38,083 --> 01:21:40,916
- No⦠Let me.
- 1371
- 01:21:42,791 --> 01:21:44,333
- Are you gonna call Charlie?
- 1372
- 01:21:45,250 --> 01:21:46,875
- Don't, Hank.
- 1373
- 01:21:46,958 --> 01:21:47,958
- I want to.
- 1374
- 01:21:50,666 --> 01:21:51,541
- Larry.
- 1375
- 01:21:54,666 --> 01:21:56,458
- Be my eager guest.
- 1376
- 01:21:58,625 --> 01:22:00,166
- Is he gonna call Charlie for you?
- 1377
- 01:22:00,750 --> 01:22:03,291
- Charlie is all the people
- I cheat on Hank with.
- 1378
- 01:22:03,375 --> 01:22:05,166
- With whom I cheat on Hank.
- 1379
- 01:22:05,250 --> 01:22:07,625
- The butcher, the baker,
- the candlestick maker.
- 1380
- 01:22:07,708 --> 01:22:09,666
- Right! I love 'em all,
- 1381
- 01:22:09,750 --> 01:22:13,083
- but what Hank refuses to understand
- is I gotta have 'em all.
- 1382
- 01:22:13,166 --> 01:22:15,541
- I'm not the marrying kind.
- I never will be.
- 1383
- 01:22:15,625 --> 01:22:16,708
- Who're you calling?
- 1384
- 01:22:16,791 --> 01:22:18,250
- Did it ever occur to you
- 1385
- 01:22:18,333 --> 01:22:20,666
- that Hank might be doing
- the same thing behind your back
- 1386
- 01:22:20,750 --> 01:22:21,750
- that you do behind his?
- 1387
- 01:22:21,833 --> 01:22:25,833
- I wish to Christ he would.
- Would make life a hell of a lot easier.
- 1388
- 01:22:25,916 --> 01:22:26,791
- Who are you calling?
- 1389
- 01:22:26,875 --> 01:22:30,916
- Well, whoever it is, they're not
- sitting on top of the telephone.
- 1390
- 01:22:31,000 --> 01:22:33,166
- -Hello?
- -Must have been in the tub.
- 1391
- 01:22:33,250 --> 01:22:34,166
- One point.
- 1392
- 01:22:34,250 --> 01:22:37,416
- - I'd like to leave a message.
- -Oh, not in. One point.
- 1393
- 01:22:37,500 --> 01:22:39,166
- Would you say that Hank called?
- 1394
- 01:22:40,583 --> 01:22:41,500
- Yes, it is.
- 1395
- 01:22:43,041 --> 01:22:45,583
- -Oh, good evening. How are you?
- -Who the hell is that?
- 1396
- 01:22:45,666 --> 01:22:48,875
- Yes, that's right.
- The message is for my roommate, Larry.
- 1397
- 01:22:48,958 --> 01:22:50,416
- -Just say that I calledâ¦
- 1398
- 01:22:50,500 --> 01:22:52,458
- It's our answering service.
- 1399
- 01:22:52,541 --> 01:22:54,916
- â¦and said I love you.
- 1400
- 01:22:56,583 --> 01:22:58,000
- Hank, are you crazy?
- 1401
- 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:01,583
- You heard me correctly.
- The message is for Larry.
- 1402
- 01:23:01,666 --> 01:23:04,250
- It's from me, Hank,
- and it is just as I said.
- 1403
- 01:23:07,541 --> 01:23:08,583
- I love you.
- 1404
- 01:23:12,375 --> 01:23:13,291
- Yeah, thanks.
- 1405
- 01:23:14,583 --> 01:23:16,291
- Seven points total.
- 1406
- 01:23:16,375 --> 01:23:20,083
- Hank, you're ahead, baby!
- You're way, way ahead of everybody.
- 1407
- 01:23:20,166 --> 01:23:22,416
- Why, Hank? Why did you do that?
- 1408
- 01:23:23,833 --> 01:23:26,541
- Because I do love him,
- and I don't care who knows it.
- 1409
- 01:23:26,625 --> 01:23:28,916
- - Don't say that.
- -Why not? It's the truth.
- 1410
- 01:23:30,458 --> 01:23:32,333
- I left my wife and family for Larry.
- 1411
- 01:23:32,416 --> 01:23:34,875
- -I'm not interested in hearing about it.
- -Sure you are.
- 1412
- 01:23:34,958 --> 01:23:36,666
- Go ahead, Hankola. Tell him all about it.
- 1413
- 01:23:36,750 --> 01:23:39,791
- -I don't want to hear it! It's disgusting.
- -Some men do it for another woman.
- 1414
- 01:23:39,875 --> 01:23:42,458
- Well, I can understand that.
- That's normal.
- 1415
- 01:23:45,041 --> 01:23:47,000
- It doesn't always work out that way, Alan.
- 1416
- 01:23:48,166 --> 01:23:50,833
- No matter how you might want it to,
- and God knows,
- 1417
- 01:23:50,916 --> 01:23:53,000
- nobody ever wanted it more than I did.
- 1418
- 01:23:55,500 --> 01:23:58,000
- I really and truly felt
- I was in love with my wife
- 1419
- 01:23:58,083 --> 01:23:59,416
- when I married her, butâ¦
- 1420
- 01:24:01,458 --> 01:24:03,333
- there was always that something else.
- 1421
- 01:24:03,875 --> 01:24:05,000
- Always?
- 1422
- 01:24:09,250 --> 01:24:12,083
- I don't know. I suppose so.
- 1423
- 01:24:12,916 --> 01:24:15,666
- I've known what I was
- since I was four years old.
- 1424
- 01:24:15,750 --> 01:24:18,291
- Oh, everybody's always known it
- about you, Emory.
- 1425
- 01:24:18,375 --> 01:24:20,833
- I've always known it about myself, too.
- 1426
- 01:24:22,166 --> 01:24:24,666
- I don't know
- when I first admitted it to myself thatâ¦
- 1427
- 01:24:27,833 --> 01:24:30,666
- I always labeled it something else
- or denied it completely.
- 1428
- 01:24:30,750 --> 01:24:33,875
- Oh. "Christ, was I drunk last night."
- 1429
- 01:24:33,958 --> 01:24:36,500
- There came a time
- where I couldn't lie to myself anymore.
- 1430
- 01:24:37,666 --> 01:24:41,291
- I thought about it
- but never did anything about it.
- 1431
- 01:24:44,708 --> 01:24:47,458
- The first time
- was during my wife's last pregnancy.
- 1432
- 01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:52,666
- We lived near New Haven in the country.
- 1433
- 01:24:52,750 --> 01:24:54,750
- There was
- this teachers' meeting in New York.
- 1434
- 01:24:56,333 --> 01:24:59,875
- My wife didn't feel up to the trip.
- I came into town on my own andâ¦
- 1435
- 01:25:01,625 --> 01:25:04,041
- That day on the train,
- I began to think about it.
- 1436
- 01:25:05,791 --> 01:25:07,041
- And think about it.
- 1437
- 01:25:08,583 --> 01:25:09,916
- And think about it.
- 1438
- 01:25:12,541 --> 01:25:14,375
- I thought of nothing else the whole trip.
- 1439
- 01:25:17,208 --> 01:25:19,208
- And then 15 minutes after I had arrived,
- 1440
- 01:25:19,291 --> 01:25:22,500
- I'd picked up a guy in the men's room
- of Grand Central Station.
- 1441
- 01:25:22,583 --> 01:25:23,916
- Jesus.
- 1442
- 01:25:24,500 --> 01:25:26,458
- I'd never done
- anything like that before.
- 1443
- 01:25:28,625 --> 01:25:30,125
- I was scared to death.
- 1444
- 01:26:02,458 --> 01:26:04,541
- He turned out to be a nice fellow.
- 1445
- 01:26:07,375 --> 01:26:08,791
- I've never seen him again.
- 1446
- 01:26:09,750 --> 01:26:10,958
- You know, it's funny.
- 1447
- 01:26:13,208 --> 01:26:15,250
- Can't even remember his name anymore.
- 1448
- 01:26:18,333 --> 01:26:20,041
- Anyway, after that, it got easier.
- 1449
- 01:26:20,125 --> 01:26:22,208
- Practice makes perfect.
- 1450
- 01:26:22,291 --> 01:26:24,416
- Then, sometime later,
- 1451
- 01:26:25,791 --> 01:26:28,791
- Larry and I met at a party
- my wife and I went in town for.
- 1452
- 01:26:28,875 --> 01:26:31,541
- And your real troubles began.
- 1453
- 01:26:31,625 --> 01:26:32,958
- That was two years ago.
- 1454
- 01:26:35,416 --> 01:26:41,541
- Why am I always
- the goddamn villain in this piece?
- 1455
- 01:26:42,375 --> 01:26:44,666
- If I'm not the happy home-wrecker,
- 1456
- 01:26:44,750 --> 01:26:47,583
- I'm an impossible
- son of a bitch to live with.
- 1457
- 01:26:47,666 --> 01:26:49,958
- Guilt turns to hostility.
- 1458
- 01:26:50,666 --> 01:26:53,916
- -Isn't that right, Michael?
- -Go stick your tweezers in your cheek.
- 1459
- 01:26:54,000 --> 01:26:55,708
- I'm fed up to the teeth
- 1460
- 01:26:55,791 --> 01:26:59,583
- with everybody feeling so sorry
- for poor, put-upon Hank.
- 1461
- 01:26:59,666 --> 01:27:02,166
- Aw, Larry, everybody knows
- you're Frieda Fickle.
- 1462
- 01:27:02,250 --> 01:27:04,541
- Hey, I never made any promises.
- 1463
- 01:27:04,625 --> 01:27:05,708
- I never intend to.
- 1464
- 01:27:05,791 --> 01:27:09,333
- It's my right to lead my sex life
- without answering to anybody,
- 1465
- 01:27:09,416 --> 01:27:10,583
- Hank included.
- 1466
- 01:27:10,666 --> 01:27:15,250
- And if those terms aren't acceptable,
- then we can't go on living together.
- 1467
- 01:27:15,333 --> 01:27:18,000
- Numerous relations
- is a part of the way I am.
- 1468
- 01:27:18,083 --> 01:27:19,833
- You don't have to be gay to be a wanton.
- 1469
- 01:27:19,916 --> 01:27:24,000
- By the way I am,
- I don't mean gay. And Emoryâ¦
- 1470
- 01:27:24,083 --> 01:27:25,958
- You are the most
- promiscuous person I know.
- 1471
- 01:27:26,041 --> 01:27:28,625
- -I am not promiscuous at all!
- 1472
- 01:27:28,708 --> 01:27:30,666
- Not by choice, by design.
- 1473
- 01:27:30,750 --> 01:27:33,958
- Why would anybody want to go to bed
- with a flaming little sissy like you?
- 1474
- 01:27:34,041 --> 01:27:35,875
- -Michael!
- - Who'd make a pass at you?
- 1475
- 01:27:35,958 --> 01:27:37,583
- I'll tell you who. Nobody.
- 1476
- 01:27:37,666 --> 01:27:39,958
- Except maybe some fugitive
- from the Braille Institute.
- 1477
- 01:27:40,041 --> 01:27:43,958
- -Why do you let him talk to you that way?
- -Physical beauty isn't everything.
- 1478
- 01:27:44,041 --> 01:27:46,000
- Thank you, Quasimodo.
- 1479
- 01:27:46,083 --> 01:27:49,875
- What do you think it's like
- living with a goddamn Gestapo, huh?
- 1480
- 01:27:49,958 --> 01:27:52,375
- Can't even take a breath
- without getting the third degree.
- 1481
- 01:27:52,458 --> 01:27:55,708
- -Larry, it's your turn to call.
- -And I am so sick of this
- 1482
- 01:27:55,791 --> 01:27:59,083
- let's-be-faithful-
- and-never-look-at-another-person routine.
- 1483
- 01:27:59,166 --> 01:28:01,416
- That doesn't work.
- If you want to promise that, fine.
- 1484
- 01:28:01,500 --> 01:28:03,583
- Then you promise it, and you stick to it.
- 1485
- 01:28:03,666 --> 01:28:05,458
- But if you have to promise it,
- 1486
- 01:28:05,541 --> 01:28:08,666
- as far as I'm concerned,
- nothing finishes a relationship faster.
- 1487
- 01:28:08,750 --> 01:28:11,208
- Give me Librium or give me meth.
- 1488
- 01:28:11,291 --> 01:28:12,875
- Yeah, freedom, baby! Freedom!
- 1489
- 01:28:12,958 --> 01:28:17,125
- You got to have it.
- It doesn't work any other way.
- 1490
- 01:28:17,208 --> 01:28:23,333
- And-And the ones who swear their
- undying fidelity to each other are lying.
- 1491
- 01:28:24,291 --> 01:28:26,500
- Most of them, anyway. 90% of them.
- 1492
- 01:28:26,583 --> 01:28:29,916
- They cheat on each other constantly
- and then lie through their teeth.
- 1493
- 01:28:30,416 --> 01:28:33,541
- I'm sorry I can't be like that.
- It drives Hank up the wall.
- 1494
- 01:28:33,625 --> 01:28:35,041
- There is that 10%.
- 1495
- 01:28:35,125 --> 01:28:39,791
- The only way it stands a chance
- is with some kind of understanding.
- 1496
- 01:28:39,875 --> 01:28:41,166
- I've tried to go along with that.
- 1497
- 01:28:41,833 --> 01:28:43,375
- -Come on!
- -I agreed to an agreement.
- 1498
- 01:28:43,458 --> 01:28:45,291
- -Your agreement!
- - What agreement?
- 1499
- 01:28:45,375 --> 01:28:47,625
- A ménage.
- 1500
- 01:28:48,375 --> 01:28:51,583
- A lot of people think that's the answer,
- but that's not my style.
- 1501
- 01:28:51,666 --> 01:28:53,041
- I certainly didn't want it!
- 1502
- 01:28:53,125 --> 01:28:55,000
- -Then who suggested it?
- -It was a compromise!
- 1503
- 01:28:55,083 --> 01:28:56,125
- - Exactly!
- - You agreed!
- 1504
- 01:28:56,208 --> 01:28:57,791
- I didn't agree to anything.
- 1505
- 01:28:57,875 --> 01:29:01,208
- You agreed to your own proposal
- and then informed me that I agreed!
- 1506
- 01:29:01,291 --> 01:29:02,833
- I don't understand. What's a--
- 1507
- 01:29:02,916 --> 01:29:04,583
- I will kick you!
- 1508
- 01:29:04,666 --> 01:29:08,791
- The ménage, baby.
- Two's company, three's a ménage.
- 1509
- 01:29:10,875 --> 01:29:12,083
- Oh.
- 1510
- 01:29:12,166 --> 01:29:13,458
- It works for some.
- 1511
- 01:29:13,541 --> 01:29:15,958
- -Well, I'm not one for group therapy.
- 1512
- 01:29:16,041 --> 01:29:18,583
- I can't relate to anyone
- or anything like that.
- 1513
- 01:29:19,458 --> 01:29:20,458
- I'm old-fashioned.
- 1514
- 01:29:20,541 --> 01:29:23,583
- I like 'em all,
- but I like 'em one at a time.
- 1515
- 01:29:24,375 --> 01:29:27,958
- Did you like Donald
- as a single side attraction?
- 1516
- 01:29:53,875 --> 01:29:54,958
- Yes.
- 1517
- 01:29:58,291 --> 01:30:00,416
- -Did you tell him?
- -No.
- 1518
- 01:30:00,500 --> 01:30:03,000
- It was perfectly obvious
- from the moment you walked in.
- 1519
- 01:30:03,083 --> 01:30:04,416
- What was that song and dance
- 1520
- 01:30:04,500 --> 01:30:06,958
- about having seen each other
- but never having met?
- 1521
- 01:30:07,583 --> 01:30:09,250
- Don't look at me like that, Hank.
- 1522
- 01:30:11,583 --> 01:30:14,708
- You've been playing footsie
- with that penguin all night.
- 1523
- 01:30:14,791 --> 01:30:17,000
- Oh! I suppose you want the three of us
- to have a go at it.
- 1524
- 01:30:17,083 --> 01:30:19,833
- -At least that would be together.
- -Well, that point eludes me.
- 1525
- 01:30:19,916 --> 01:30:22,250
- What kind of an understanding do you want?
- 1526
- 01:30:22,333 --> 01:30:23,500
- Respect!
- 1527
- 01:30:23,583 --> 01:30:27,666
- Respect for each other's freedom
- without any need to lie or pretend.
- 1528
- 01:30:27,750 --> 01:30:30,125
- Hank, in my way, I love you,
- 1529
- 01:30:30,208 --> 01:30:33,208
- but you have to understand
- although I want to live with you,
- 1530
- 01:30:33,291 --> 01:30:34,833
- sometimes there might be others.
- 1531
- 01:30:34,916 --> 01:30:37,333
- If that happens,
- I know I'll never mention it.
- 1532
- 01:30:37,416 --> 01:30:40,666
- But if you ask me, I will tell you.
- 1533
- 01:30:40,750 --> 01:30:42,041
- He gets points!
- 1534
- 01:30:42,666 --> 01:30:43,500
- What?
- 1535
- 01:30:44,750 --> 01:30:47,458
- He said it. He said "I love you" to Hank.
- He gets the bonus.
- 1536
- 01:30:47,541 --> 01:30:49,458
- -He didn't call him.
- -He called him.
- 1537
- 01:30:49,541 --> 01:30:50,916
- He just didn't use the telephone.
- 1538
- 01:30:51,000 --> 01:30:54,291
- - Then he doesn't get any points.
- -He gets five points.
- 1539
- 01:30:54,375 --> 01:30:57,583
- He didn't use the telephone.
- He doesn't get a goddamn thing!
- 1540
- 01:31:16,833 --> 01:31:18,541
- It's for you, Hank!
- 1541
- 01:31:31,208 --> 01:31:32,041
- Hello?
- 1542
- 01:31:32,625 --> 01:31:33,500
- One point.
- 1543
- 01:31:36,791 --> 01:31:38,208
- Hello, Hank.
- 1544
- 01:31:39,125 --> 01:31:40,208
- Two points.
- 1545
- 01:31:42,333 --> 01:31:43,625
- This is Larry.
- 1546
- 01:31:44,750 --> 01:31:46,333
- - Two more points.
- 1547
- 01:31:48,458 --> 01:31:50,791
- For what it's worth, I love you.
- 1548
- 01:31:53,333 --> 01:31:54,583
- Five-point bonus.
- 1549
- 01:31:57,041 --> 01:31:57,875
- I'llâ¦
- 1550
- 01:31:59,666 --> 01:32:00,750
- I'll try.
- 1551
- 01:32:10,375 --> 01:32:11,500
- I will, too.
- 1552
- 01:32:16,875 --> 01:32:20,041
- -That's ten points total.
- -Larry is the winner.
- 1553
- 01:32:22,916 --> 01:32:26,083
- Well, that wasn't as much fun
- as I thought it would be.
- 1554
- 01:32:26,166 --> 01:32:27,875
- Game isn't over yet.
- 1555
- 01:32:28,666 --> 01:32:32,291
- It's your turn, Alan.
- Pick up the phone, buster.
- 1556
- 01:32:32,375 --> 01:32:33,750
- -Michael, don't.
- -Stay out of this!
- 1557
- 01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:35,583
- You don't have to, Alan. You don't.
- 1558
- 01:32:35,666 --> 01:32:40,000
- Emory, I'm sorry for what I did before.
- 1559
- 01:32:41,958 --> 01:32:42,958
- Forget it.
- 1560
- 01:32:43,541 --> 01:32:45,625
- Forgive us our trespasses.
- 1561
- 01:32:45,708 --> 01:32:46,791
- Christ.
- 1562
- 01:32:46,875 --> 01:32:48,916
- You guys joined at the goddamn hip now?
- 1563
- 01:32:49,708 --> 01:32:52,541
- Who are you going to call, Alan? Hmm?
- 1564
- 01:32:56,708 --> 01:32:58,166
- Can't remember anyone?
- 1565
- 01:32:59,916 --> 01:33:03,250
- I believe this will be the final round.
- 1566
- 01:33:03,833 --> 01:33:06,125
- Michael, aren't you gonna call anyone?
- 1567
- 01:33:06,958 --> 01:33:10,583
- How could he? He's never loved anyone.
- 1568
- 01:33:15,958 --> 01:33:18,666
- ⪠No matter how you figure
- It's tough to be a nigger âª
- 1569
- 01:33:18,750 --> 01:33:22,708
- - Stop that, Michael!
- -⪠But it's tougher to be a Jew âª
- 1570
- 01:33:22,791 --> 01:33:25,666
- My God, Michael, you're a charming host.
- 1571
- 01:33:25,750 --> 01:33:28,250
- Michael doesn't have charm, Donald.
- 1572
- 01:33:29,166 --> 01:33:32,208
- Michael has counter-charm.
- 1573
- 01:33:34,333 --> 01:33:37,291
- -Wait, are you going somewhere?
- -Yes, excuse me.
- 1574
- 01:33:37,375 --> 01:33:39,458
- You're going to miss the end of the game.
- 1575
- 01:33:40,041 --> 01:33:42,541
- With any luck,
- I won't be down until it's all over.
- 1576
- 01:34:09,291 --> 01:34:12,583
- What do you suppose
- is going on up there, hmm, Alan?
- 1577
- 01:34:14,000 --> 01:34:18,208
- What do you imagine that Larry and Hank
- are doing up there, hmm?
- 1578
- 01:34:18,291 --> 01:34:20,833
- Whatever they're doing,
- they aren't hurting anyone.
- 1579
- 01:34:20,916 --> 01:34:22,875
- And they're minding their own business.
- 1580
- 01:34:22,958 --> 01:34:25,125
- Yeah, and you mind yours, Harold.
- I'm warning you.
- 1581
- 01:34:27,041 --> 01:34:28,166
- Are you, now?
- 1582
- 01:34:29,666 --> 01:34:31,041
- Are you warning me?
- 1583
- 01:34:32,958 --> 01:34:33,791
- Me?
- 1584
- 01:34:40,625 --> 01:34:41,875
- I'm Harold.
- 1585
- 01:34:43,833 --> 01:34:46,166
- I'm the one person
- you don't warn, Michael,
- 1586
- 01:34:46,250 --> 01:34:48,125
- because you and I are a match.
- 1587
- 01:34:49,541 --> 01:34:52,708
- And we tread very softly with each other
- 1588
- 01:34:52,791 --> 01:34:55,583
- because we both play
- each other's game too well.
- 1589
- 01:34:57,208 --> 01:35:00,083
- I know this game you're playing.
- 1590
- 01:35:01,666 --> 01:35:04,500
- I know it very well,
- and I play it very well.
- 1591
- 01:35:04,583 --> 01:35:06,875
- You play it very well, too,
- but you know what?
- 1592
- 01:35:08,416 --> 01:35:12,583
- I'm the only one
- who's better at it than you are.
- 1593
- 01:35:12,666 --> 01:35:15,500
- I can beat you at it, so don't push me.
- 1594
- 01:35:18,125 --> 01:35:21,750
- I'm warning you.
- 1595
- 01:35:34,208 --> 01:35:35,416
- You're funny, Hallie.
- 1596
- 01:35:36,125 --> 01:35:38,416
- You're a laugh riot. Isn't he funny, Alan?
- 1597
- 01:35:38,500 --> 01:35:41,375
- Or as you might say, "Isn't he amusing?"
- 1598
- 01:35:41,458 --> 01:35:43,500
- He's an amusing faggot, isn't he?
- 1599
- 01:35:44,375 --> 01:35:46,375
- Or, as you might say, freak.
- 1600
- 01:35:47,000 --> 01:35:50,875
- That's what you called Emory, wasn't it?
- A freak, a pansy.
- 1601
- 01:35:51,458 --> 01:35:54,708
- God, what an antiquated vocabulary
- you have.
- 1602
- 01:35:54,791 --> 01:35:58,166
- I'm surprised you didn't say
- "sodomite" or "pederast."
- 1603
- 01:35:58,250 --> 01:36:00,333
- You better let me bring you up to date.
- 1604
- 01:36:00,416 --> 01:36:03,458
- Have you ever heard
- the term "closet-queen"?
- 1605
- 01:36:03,541 --> 01:36:04,791
- You know what that means?
- 1606
- 01:36:05,333 --> 01:36:08,666
- Do you know what it means
- to be "in the closet"?
- 1607
- 01:36:08,750 --> 01:36:11,041
- If you're insinuating
- that I'm a homosexual,
- 1608
- 01:36:11,125 --> 01:36:13,041
- I can only say that you're mistaken.
- 1609
- 01:36:14,250 --> 01:36:15,208
- Am I?
- 1610
- 01:36:19,208 --> 01:36:21,208
- What about Justin Stuart?
- 1611
- 01:36:21,791 --> 01:36:22,916
- What about Justin Stuart?
- 1612
- 01:36:23,000 --> 01:36:25,916
- You were in love with him,
- that's what about him.
- 1613
- 01:36:26,000 --> 01:36:28,000
- And that is who you are going to call.
- 1614
- 01:36:28,083 --> 01:36:30,875
- Justin and I were very good friends.
- That's all.
- 1615
- 01:36:30,958 --> 01:36:34,416
- According to Justin,
- that friendship was quite passionate.
- 1616
- 01:36:34,500 --> 01:36:35,458
- What do you mean?
- 1617
- 01:36:35,541 --> 01:36:37,875
- I mean that you slept with him
- in college several times.
- 1618
- 01:36:37,958 --> 01:36:39,875
- -That's not true.
- - Several times.
- 1619
- 01:36:39,958 --> 01:36:42,833
- One time, it's youth.
- Twice is a phase, maybe.
- 1620
- 01:36:42,916 --> 01:36:45,208
- Several times, you like it.
- 1621
- 01:36:45,291 --> 01:36:47,500
- -It's not true.
- - Yes, it is!
- 1622
- 01:36:47,583 --> 01:36:50,250
- Because Justin Stuart is a homosexual!
- 1623
- 01:36:51,541 --> 01:36:53,916
- He comes to New York on occasion,
- and he calls me.
- 1624
- 01:36:54,000 --> 01:36:55,375
- I've taken him to parties.
- 1625
- 01:36:55,458 --> 01:36:59,250
- Larry had him once,
- and he has told me all about you.
- 1626
- 01:36:59,333 --> 01:37:00,750
- Then he told you a lie.
- 1627
- 01:37:00,833 --> 01:37:03,625
- You were obsessed with Justin.
- 1628
- 01:37:03,708 --> 01:37:07,208
- That is all you talked about
- morning, noon and night.
- 1629
- 01:37:07,291 --> 01:37:10,666
- You started doing it
- about Hank upstairs tonight.
- 1630
- 01:37:10,750 --> 01:37:13,416
- "What an attractive fella he is."
- All that transparent crap.
- 1631
- 01:37:13,500 --> 01:37:17,833
- -I said he was attractive. That's all.
- -How many times do you have to say it?
- 1632
- 01:37:17,916 --> 01:37:21,541
- How many times
- did you have to say it about Justin?
- 1633
- 01:37:21,625 --> 01:37:25,000
- What a good tennis player he was,
- what a good dancer he was,
- 1634
- 01:37:25,083 --> 01:37:28,125
- what a good body he had,
- how bright he was,
- 1635
- 01:37:28,208 --> 01:37:32,583
- how amusing he was,
- how-how the girls were all mad for him,
- 1636
- 01:37:32,666 --> 01:37:34,666
- what close friends you were.
- 1637
- 01:37:34,750 --> 01:37:37,083
- We were very close, very good friends.
- That's all.
- 1638
- 01:37:37,166 --> 01:37:39,000
- It was obvious.
- 1639
- 01:37:39,083 --> 01:37:42,458
- And when you did it around Fran,
- it was downright embarrassing.
- 1640
- 01:37:42,541 --> 01:37:45,291
- -Even she must have her doubts about you.
- -Justin lied.
- 1641
- 01:37:46,416 --> 01:37:48,083
- If he told you that, he lied.
- 1642
- 01:37:48,166 --> 01:37:51,291
- He'd say anything about me now
- to get even.
- 1643
- 01:37:52,041 --> 01:37:54,625
- He could never get over
- the fact that I dropped him.
- 1644
- 01:37:54,708 --> 01:37:56,708
- You ended the friendship, Alan,
- 1645
- 01:37:57,500 --> 01:38:00,333
- because you couldn't face
- the truth about yourself.
- 1646
- 01:38:00,416 --> 01:38:04,541
- You could go on sleeping with Justin
- as long as he lied to himself
- 1647
- 01:38:04,625 --> 01:38:06,291
- and you lied to yourself.
- 1648
- 01:38:06,375 --> 01:38:10,541
- And you both dated girls
- and you labeled yourselves men
- 1649
- 01:38:10,625 --> 01:38:12,916
- and you called yourselves
- "just fond friends,"
- 1650
- 01:38:13,000 --> 01:38:16,916
- but Justin finally had to be honest,
- and you couldn't take it.
- 1651
- 01:38:17,000 --> 01:38:18,916
- -You couldn't take it, and soâ¦
- -No.
- 1652
- 01:38:19,000 --> 01:38:21,666
- â¦you destroyed the friendship
- and your friend along with it.
- 1653
- 01:38:21,750 --> 01:38:22,708
- - No.
- -Oh, yes.
- 1654
- 01:38:22,791 --> 01:38:27,250
- Justin never understood what he had
- done wrong to make you drop him.
- 1655
- 01:38:27,333 --> 01:38:28,541
- -He blamed himself.
- - No.
- 1656
- 01:38:28,625 --> 01:38:31,875
- He did,
- until he eventually found out who he was.
- 1657
- 01:38:31,958 --> 01:38:33,041
- -And what he was.
- - No!
- 1658
- 01:38:33,125 --> 01:38:36,500
- But to this day,
- he still remembers the treatment.
- 1659
- 01:38:36,583 --> 01:38:38,291
- -Scars he got from you.
- -No.
- 1660
- 01:38:38,375 --> 01:38:41,083
- You pick up this phone,
- and you call Justin.
- 1661
- 01:38:41,166 --> 01:38:42,000
- No.
- 1662
- 01:38:42,083 --> 01:38:44,250
- I want you to call him and apologize.
- 1663
- 01:38:44,333 --> 01:38:47,416
- You tell him what you should have
- told him many years ago.
- 1664
- 01:38:47,500 --> 01:38:50,250
- -He lied. Not a word of it is true!
- - Call him!
- 1665
- 01:38:53,041 --> 01:38:54,666
- All right, then I'll dial.
- 1666
- 01:38:56,541 --> 01:38:58,375
- You're so helpful.
- 1667
- 01:38:59,708 --> 01:39:00,750
- Give it to me.
- 1668
- 01:39:34,625 --> 01:39:35,458
- Hello?
- 1669
- 01:39:36,041 --> 01:39:37,083
- One point.
- 1670
- 01:39:39,041 --> 01:39:40,250
- It's Alan.
- 1671
- 01:39:40,333 --> 01:39:41,291
- Two points.
- 1672
- 01:39:43,708 --> 01:39:46,041
- -Yes. Yes, it's me.
- - Is that Justin?
- 1673
- 01:39:47,000 --> 01:39:49,291
- - You sound surprised.
- 1674
- 01:39:49,375 --> 01:39:51,625
- I should hope to think so,
- after all this time.
- 1675
- 01:39:51,708 --> 01:39:52,541
- Two more points.
- 1676
- 01:39:54,083 --> 01:39:55,166
- I'm in New York.
- 1677
- 01:39:57,416 --> 01:39:58,541
- Yes, Iâ¦
- 1678
- 01:40:01,333 --> 01:40:03,333
- I won't explain now, I justâ¦
- 1679
- 01:40:05,583 --> 01:40:06,791
- called to tell youâ¦
- 1680
- 01:40:09,625 --> 01:40:13,125
- That I love you. God damn it, I love you.
- 1681
- 01:40:16,875 --> 01:40:18,041
- I love you.
- 1682
- 01:40:18,125 --> 01:40:22,333
- You get the goddamn bonus.
- Ten points total. Jackpot!
- 1683
- 01:40:22,416 --> 01:40:25,958
- -I love you, and I beg you to forgive me.
- -Give me that. Give me that!
- 1684
- 01:40:26,041 --> 01:40:28,958
- Justin, did you hear
- what that son of a bitch said?
- 1685
- 01:40:33,958 --> 01:40:34,833
- Fran.
- 1686
- 01:40:36,708 --> 01:40:40,625
- No, of course I knew it was you.
- 1687
- 01:40:41,125 --> 01:40:42,333
- How are you?
- 1688
- 01:40:44,416 --> 01:40:45,250
- Yes.
- 1689
- 01:40:46,125 --> 01:40:47,750
- Yes, he told me everything.
- 1690
- 01:40:49,208 --> 01:40:51,250
- No, now, don't thank me.
- 1691
- 01:40:51,333 --> 01:40:53,375
- Please. Please, don't thank me.
- 1692
- 01:40:57,125 --> 01:40:59,416
- I'll put him back on.
- 1693
- 01:41:03,625 --> 01:41:04,916
- My love to the kids.
- 1694
- 01:41:15,958 --> 01:41:18,791
- Darling, I'll take
- the first plane I can get.
- 1695
- 01:41:20,166 --> 01:41:21,666
- Yes, I'm sorry, too.
- 1696
- 01:41:23,708 --> 01:41:24,958
- I love you very much.
- 1697
- 01:41:54,333 --> 01:41:55,625
- Thank you, Michael.
- 1698
- 01:42:09,833 --> 01:42:10,791
- Who won?
- 1699
- 01:42:11,958 --> 01:42:13,625
- It was a tie.
- 1700
- 01:42:21,416 --> 01:42:24,833
- -Now, it is my turn.
- 1701
- 01:42:27,958 --> 01:42:30,291
- And ready or not, Michael, here goes.
- 1702
- 01:42:34,041 --> 01:42:39,541
- You are a sad⦠and pathetic man.
- 1703
- 01:42:43,083 --> 01:42:46,208
- You're a homosexual,
- and you don't want to be.
- 1704
- 01:42:48,541 --> 01:42:51,250
- But there is
- nothing you can do to change it.
- 1705
- 01:42:53,583 --> 01:42:56,958
- Not all your prayers to your God,
- 1706
- 01:42:58,708 --> 01:43:04,208
- not all the analysis you can buy
- in all the years you have yet to live.
- 1707
- 01:43:06,375 --> 01:43:11,583
- We may very well one day be able to know
- what it is to live a heterosexual life
- 1708
- 01:43:12,958 --> 01:43:15,000
- if you want it desperately enough,
- 1709
- 01:43:17,208 --> 01:43:21,666
- if you pursue it with the fervor
- with which you annihilate.
- 1710
- 01:43:28,083 --> 01:43:31,875
- But you will always be homosexual as well.
- 1711
- 01:43:35,791 --> 01:43:37,333
- Always, Michael.
- 1712
- 01:43:40,666 --> 01:43:41,625
- Always.
- 1713
- 01:43:44,541 --> 01:43:46,708
- Until the day you die.
- 1714
- 01:43:53,958 --> 01:43:55,916
- Oh, friendsâ¦
- 1715
- 01:43:57,500 --> 01:44:01,333
- thank you for a nifty party
- and a super gift.
- 1716
- 01:44:01,416 --> 01:44:04,000
- It's just what I needed.
- 1717
- 01:44:11,541 --> 01:44:13,625
- Bernard, thank you.
- 1718
- 01:44:17,375 --> 01:44:18,791
- And you'll get him home?
- 1719
- 01:44:18,875 --> 01:44:22,333
- Don't worry about her.
- I'll take care of everything.
- 1720
- 01:44:25,708 --> 01:44:27,125
- Good to see you, Donald.
- 1721
- 01:44:27,625 --> 01:44:28,708
- Good night, Harold.
- 1722
- 01:44:29,958 --> 01:44:32,583
- -See you again sometime.
- -Yeah.
- 1723
- 01:44:35,291 --> 01:44:37,500
- How about a year from Shavuot?
- 1724
- 01:44:39,333 --> 01:44:42,041
- Come on, Tex. Let's go to my place.
- 1725
- 01:44:45,875 --> 01:44:47,541
- Are you good in bed?
- 1726
- 01:44:49,458 --> 01:44:53,083
- Well⦠I try to show a little affection.
- 1727
- 01:44:55,458 --> 01:44:57,750
- Keeps me from feeling like such a whore.
- 1728
- 01:45:03,333 --> 01:45:06,208
- Uh, Michael, thanks for the laughs.
- 1729
- 01:45:13,833 --> 01:45:14,958
- Call you tomorrow.
- 1730
- 01:45:21,583 --> 01:45:23,583
- Come on, Bernard. Time to go home.
- 1731
- 01:45:24,125 --> 01:45:26,083
- Mary, you're a heavy mother.
- 1732
- 01:45:27,375 --> 01:45:29,625
- Why'd I call?
- 1733
- 01:45:31,708 --> 01:45:33,750
- -Why?
- -Hey, thank you, Michael.
- 1734
- 01:45:33,833 --> 01:45:35,833
- -Good night, Donald.
- - Good night, Emory.
- 1735
- 01:45:42,375 --> 01:45:44,250
- I'm gonna
- take you for some coffee,
- 1736
- 01:45:44,333 --> 01:45:46,166
- and everything's gonna be all right.
- 1737
- 01:45:46,250 --> 01:45:48,625
- -Careful.
- 1738
- 01:46:12,791 --> 01:46:13,625
- Donald?
- 1739
- 01:46:14,416 --> 01:46:16,958
- -Donald, Donald. Donald?
- -Michael?
- 1740
- 01:46:17,041 --> 01:46:19,625
- -Oh, my God, what have I done?
- -Christ, Michael.
- 1741
- 01:46:19,708 --> 01:46:21,458
- -Oh, God.
- -Michael, I'm not--
- 1742
- 01:46:21,541 --> 01:46:24,125
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- 1743
- 01:46:24,208 --> 01:46:26,583
- -Hey, hey.
- -God, Donald. Oh, my God, no!
- 1744
- 01:46:26,666 --> 01:46:29,458
- -I'll get you some water. Here.
- -God, what have I done?
- 1745
- 01:46:29,541 --> 01:46:31,250
- -Hey, stop it. Stop it.
- -Jesus, God.
- 1746
- 01:46:31,333 --> 01:46:32,750
- I'm gonna give you a Valium.
- 1747
- 01:46:32,833 --> 01:46:35,750
- -No! Not pills and alcohol. I'm gonna die!
- -I'm notâ¦
- 1748
- 01:46:35,833 --> 01:46:37,750
- Come on, take this. You're scaring me.
- 1749
- 01:46:37,833 --> 01:46:39,166
- Stop that crying. Take this pill.
- 1750
- 01:46:44,291 --> 01:46:45,875
- Come here.
- Come here, Michael.
- 1751
- 01:46:45,958 --> 01:46:48,625
- -Come here, Michael! Come here!
- -Get off of me!
- 1752
- 01:46:48,708 --> 01:46:49,666
- Jesus Christ.
- 1753
- 01:46:55,833 --> 01:46:58,708
- -Hey.
- 1754
- 01:46:59,916 --> 01:47:00,916
- It's okay.
- 1755
- 01:47:02,375 --> 01:47:03,333
- It's okay.
- 1756
- 01:47:08,500 --> 01:47:09,416
- It's okay.
- 1757
- 01:47:13,375 --> 01:47:14,458
- Hey, it's okay.
- 1758
- 01:47:17,083 --> 01:47:17,958
- It's okay.
- 1759
- 01:47:26,166 --> 01:47:28,125
- Who was it that always used to say,
- 1760
- 01:47:29,000 --> 01:47:33,583
- "Show me a happy homosexual,
- and I'll show you a gay corpse"?
- 1761
- 01:47:35,541 --> 01:47:36,500
- I don't know.
- 1762
- 01:47:37,500 --> 01:47:39,458
- Who was it who always used to say that?
- 1763
- 01:47:43,416 --> 01:47:46,291
- If we could
- just not hate ourselves so much.
- 1764
- 01:47:48,000 --> 01:47:50,916
- That's it, you know?
- 1765
- 01:47:53,041 --> 01:47:54,208
- If we could justâ¦
- 1766
- 01:47:55,333 --> 01:47:59,083
- Oh. If we could just learn
- not to hate ourselvesâ¦
- 1767
- 01:48:00,291 --> 01:48:01,916
- quite so very much.
- 1768
- 01:48:03,958 --> 01:48:04,916
- Yes, I know.
- 1769
- 01:48:08,083 --> 01:48:10,083
- -I know.
- 1770
- 01:48:24,416 --> 01:48:25,250
- Okay.
- 1771
- 01:48:37,958 --> 01:48:40,291
- By the way,
- I think your analyst is a quack.
- 1772
- 01:48:42,333 --> 01:48:46,625
- -Earlier, you said he was a prick.
- -That's right. He's a prick quack.
- 1773
- 01:48:46,708 --> 01:48:49,041
- -Or a quack prick. Whichever you prefer.
- -Okay.
- 1774
- 01:48:54,000 --> 01:48:55,375
- Harold was right.
- 1775
- 01:49:01,333 --> 01:49:02,750
- You'll never change.
- 1776
- 01:49:28,958 --> 01:49:32,750
- You suppose there's any possibility
- of just flushing this place?
- 1777
- 01:49:38,041 --> 01:49:39,125
- What time is it?
- 1778
- 01:49:39,916 --> 01:49:41,000
- It's early.
- 1779
- 01:49:44,916 --> 01:49:46,000
- Where are you going?
- 1780
- 01:49:48,708 --> 01:49:50,625
- The bedroom's ocupado,
- 1781
- 01:49:51,583 --> 01:49:53,708
- and I don't want
- to go to sleep yet anyway.
- 1782
- 01:49:54,958 --> 01:49:56,875
- I'm gonna try and walk off this booze.
- 1783
- 01:49:57,375 --> 01:49:58,791
- If I went to sleep right now,
- 1784
- 01:49:58,875 --> 01:50:01,875
- when I woke up,
- they'd have to put me in a padded cell.
- 1785
- 01:50:02,750 --> 01:50:04,625
- Not that that's where I don't belong.
- 1786
- 01:50:10,458 --> 01:50:12,708
- There's a midnight mass
- over at St. Malachy's
- 1787
- 01:50:12,791 --> 01:50:14,583
- that all the show people go to. I th--
- 1788
- 01:50:15,250 --> 01:50:17,125
- I think I'll walk over and catch it.
- 1789
- 01:50:20,333 --> 01:50:21,916
- Well, pray for me.
- 1790
- 01:50:25,375 --> 01:50:27,291
- Maybe they'll be gone when I get back.
- 1791
- 01:50:31,791 --> 01:50:33,791
- Will I see you again next Saturday?
- 1792
- 01:50:36,583 --> 01:50:38,125
- Unless you have other plans.
- 1793
- 01:50:41,916 --> 01:50:42,875
- No.
- 1794
- 01:50:44,625 --> 01:50:46,250
- - Michael.
- -What?
- 1795
- 01:50:47,916 --> 01:50:50,333
- Did he ever tell you
- why he was crying on the phone?
- 1796
- 01:50:50,416 --> 01:50:51,333
- No.
- 1797
- 01:50:52,541 --> 01:50:54,458
- It must have been that he'd left Fran.
- 1798
- 01:50:56,500 --> 01:50:59,500
- Or maybe it was something else,
- and he changed his mind.
- 1799
- 01:50:59,583 --> 01:51:00,708
- Maybe so.
- 1800
- 01:51:03,333 --> 01:51:04,750
- I wonder why he left her.
- 1801
- 01:51:07,916 --> 01:51:10,833
- As my father said to me
- when he died in my arms,
- 1802
- 01:51:12,916 --> 01:51:14,708
- "I don't understand any of it."
- 1803
- 01:51:15,708 --> 01:51:16,958
- "I never did."
- 1804
- 01:51:18,500 --> 01:51:20,625
- Turn out the lights
- when you leave, will you?
- 1805
- 01:52:31,291 --> 01:52:33,208
- What? Oh.
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