Konrad von Marburg <vonmarburg.k@gmail.com>

Sat, Nov 16, 2:40 AM (3 days ago)

to ncv03@hotmail.com
Dear Nicole,

Since you came back into my life a few months ago a lot has happened, both with you and I in our personal lives, work and otherwise. Before that, it is apparent that you came out of a very bad relationship (Joe) which has left you with some emotional scars. For this I am truly sorry. I do not know what you went through, and because I am not a woman, I won't know what happened and how this relationship scarred you.

That being said, you know I have always been in love with you. I don't know why because we share nothing in common, so maybe it was only lust on my part. Maybe the part that I was addicted to was the constant lusting after you. I don't really know what cemented our "friendship" for so long. However, I remember always telling you that I don't want you to sleep with my brother or any of his friends. You broke this rule in 2016 when you slept with Capano. It was then that I said I never wanted to see you again.

You are unable to appreciate the feelings of other people (except your mother). Your only desire is to actualize pleasure in the moment which is probably why you are unable to be faithful to any partner you have been with. This is unfortunate and will leave you a bitter old woman- one who curses all men as being worthless. But you have taught men how to treat you- to value you only for your body. However, this won't last, you are getting older, and younger women will naturally take your spot. You haven't been able to develop a sense of self-worth outside of your physical looks and attractiveness, and for this I am so sorry for you, for looks do not last.

Your addiction to social media, and to your phone, will only compound your misery and despair. That, coupled with your genetically passed down predisposition to drink, and being surrounded by terrible drunks, will only contribute to your further aging, your loss of vivaciousness, and eventual manic depression- just like my mother and all her terrible choices.

You use people without consideration for their feelings and this probably stems from childhood abuse which makes you incapable of sympathizing with other people. You call me anytime and I answer, but when I call you you often ignore my calls because you are busy chatting with other people, or otherwise engaged.

You care more about the feelings of some random newbie in your life, like David. A guy you dated and who split with you because of your m any issues, but who is happy to keep you on call for fuck sessions. These are the people who prize in your life, people who use your body when they want, but who have long ago decided that you are not wife material. These men perceive you as only a plaything until they meet someone better, and you know this, which makes you sad.

You need to find your own place, and your own way, and change how you treat people. Only then can you find a partner with whom you can share reciprocal feelings of love, admiration, and partnership, to build a long lasting relationship with.

But since you came back into my life you have brought me nothing but heartache. I saved you from a terrible situation, I did, and no one else. You did not reach out to David to get you out of Edmonton and I am not sure why. However, returning home after all that happened you made it quite clear that he was the only thing that mattered to you. And this is ok, it is just not normal. He keeps you around for casual sex at his discretion, but he will eventually meet another girl and move on with his life. You and I both know this.

We are both approaching 40- middle age. So we have to decide soon how we will lead the rest of our lives. Do we want to be drunks? Do we want to be like Jim, or Barry, or your dad, or my Mom? I certainly don't. In earlier days I lived only for myself. I lived as an atheist without thought that there was something more to life, something greater than myself. But then I started going to Church- which you are welcome to disbelieve, and I find solace, comfort, and structure in the Catholic faith. It is also my faith that is making me write you this final email. I want to change but you don't want to. And I do not want to go down that road with you.

I have kept in touch with you out of lust I believed was love. However, since we had sex I realized I was not actually in love with you- it was just lust. I loved Ana, and Kerri and the sex was different with them than it was with you because you and I do not love each other in that way. Do not mistake my meaning- I enjoyed being with you in the moment, but again, after we had sex the last time you went right back on your phone immediately and started texting David. And that made me angry at the time., but now thinking back on it, it makes me feel so sad and sorry for you. But you doing things like that have now helped me see the light. Now I can really move on again and leave us in the past.

I have blocked you on my cell phone. There is no reason that either of us has to have any further communication. There is no basis on which we need to associate with one another. I am only sexually attracted to you and that is why I have probably been trying to keep in contact with you, and this isn't honorable, nor does it serve me any good.

However, you know in your heart that I am not a bad person. I also know that you are not, deep down, a bad person. We both have baggage. I hope you are able to deal with yours in a means by which is unrelated to alcohol- because this will destroy you.

Because I acknowledge we did have some good times in the past, and that we might have once been friends, I do not have anything against you. People are who they are, but friendships drift apart as people learn and grow. I hope you consider the truth of the words spoken to you in this email. I am a grown man, and you are a grown woman. We both need to find happiness, health, and success, but it won't happen together.

Please do not contact me. My continued communication with you will only bring me pain and misery. If you are bored you have many other people you can contact.

That being said, I wish only for the best for you, and I hope you have a long and happy life. But this will depend on the choices you make as you go forward in life.

Yours very truly and sincerely,

Konrad von Marburg