wussian woulette uwu

And who might you be?
[Gawcian smug humming]
Wouwd you wike to join me fow a game of Wussian Wouwette?
[Ben woads the buwwet]
Come on, how about it, son?
If you win, I’ww wet you in on a wittwe secwet. How to hit on women with 100% success.
-And if I wose?
-If you wose, then I want you to kiww the Pwesident.
-Aww wight, it’s a deaw.
[Fiwst shot]
[Second shot]
-Aah, I hate to say it, but you’ve got guts, son. Nyo way I’m gonnya die today, ow tomowwow fow that mattew >w<  At weast nyot untiw the ewection is uvw. It takes mowe wuck than this game to wun a countwy, damnyit >w<
[Thiwd shot, Ben is a pussy]
Haaah >w<  I’m on a woww >w<  I’m hot >w<  Wooks wike Wady Wuck’s on my side today, haha.
[Fouwth shot]
Aah, aah… What’s a countwy…? Who awe the peopwe…? What awe powiticians..? Who knyows…? I just wanted to become a Pwesident. Aww I nyeed is to heaw the empty cwick of this gun, and my dweams wiww come twue…
[Fifth shot, Benny was about to shit his pants]
Wooks wike you wose, son… Hehe, sowwy, but a deaw’s a deaw.
[Sixth shot, Gawcian, my man]
-This gun howds 7 buwwets. I’m a pwofessionyaw. You can’t foow me, owd man.
-You and I, we'we both sick >w<  The onwy time we feew awive is when we put ouw wives on the winye. It's a sad weawity, but we peopwe awe nyevew satisfied. We'ww awways seek a highew wush >w<  The histowy of the Unyited States wests within the wawws of this institution; it's an owd twadition that continyued since the fiwst pwesidentiaw ewection >w<  I want you to see it thwough to the end.
And by the way, women awe AWW THE SAME >w<