SHARE
TWEET

Untitled

a guest Nov 15th, 2019 110 Never
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
  1. <wtf_igo> hey
  2. <wtf_igo> if you want a more objective chat im happy to listen
  3. <adventurous-society> hi
  4. <adventurous-society> thank you
  5. <adventurous-society> i feel like they just dont understand. they are acting like im trying to glorify or get validation but im not
  6. <wtf_igo> its fine
  7. <wtf_igo> they are trying to help you
  8. <wtf_igo> but they all excited
  9. <wtf_igo> tell me about your mdma use and the issues it is causing you
  10. <adventurous-society> did you read my list of my past rolls?
  11. <adventurous-society> all of my lifetime rolls: may 2018 - 500mg over 2 days, august 2018 - 900mg in 1 day, february 2019 - 450mg in one day, march 2019 - 300mg in one day, june 2019 - 800mg in one day , august 2019-200mg ,  september 2019 - 1 gram over 2 days, november 8 - 350mg
  12. <wtf_igo> nah i couldnt read all the logs
  13. <adventurous-society> do you think from that amount i am permanently damaged
  14. <wtf_igo> k hang on a sec
  15. <wtf_igo> i dount it
  16. <wtf_igo> doubt it
  17. <wtf_igo> 1 sec let me just think for a min
  18. <adventurous-society> i feel like its not bad to roll every month if i keep it 200mg maximum
  19. <wtf_igo> im a lil high and people getting me quite flustered with this drama
  20. <adventurous-society> but i dont know if that is delusional or not
  21. <wtf_igo> well 200ug is too much for sure
  22. <wtf_igo> every month is also too often
  23. <wtf_igo> so the thing about mdma is this
  24. <wtf_igo> it uses your own natural serotonin stocks
  25. <wtf_igo> it depletes them
  26. <adventurous-society> can i tell you something without you calling me stupid
  27. <wtf_igo> and they take many months to replenish
  28. <wtf_igo> ill not call you stupid for anything dw
  29. <adventurous-society> i am rolling again in 48 hours . i know its not a good idea and that i cant make habit of rolling so close together
  30. <adventurous-society> (last roll nov 7)
  31. <adventurous-society> but i am so committed and cant back out
  32. <adventurous-society> it has such a hold on me
  33. <wtf_igo> so hang on
  34. <wtf_igo> so you want to stop but also you dont right?
  35. <adventurous-society> ok so the thing is
  36. <wtf_igo> like you recognise its bad but also yu want to get high
  37. <adventurous-society> i know i cant keep this up for long
  38. <wtf_igo> i know the feeling
  39. <adventurous-society> i cant start therapy until december 15
  40. <wtf_igo> so look
  41. <adventurous-society> i feel so stupid, i used to never think
  42. <adventurous-society> id end up like this
  43. <adventurous-society> and cared about my brain so much
  44. <wtf_igo> i abused mdma in my 20s more than most
  45. <adventurous-society> worse than me?
  46. <wtf_igo> yeah
  47. <wtf_igo> it fucked me up for a long time im not gonna lie
  48. <wtf_igo> also
  49. <wtf_igo> mdma doesnt work for me anymore
  50. <adventurous-society> its just so hard
  51. <adventurous-society> like i want to roll at every show
  52. <adventurous-society> and festival
  53. <adventurous-society> no other drug is the same
  54. <wtf_igo> sure
  55. <wtf_igo> how old are you if you dont mind me asking?
  56. <adventurous-society> 19
  57. <wtf_igo> aight
  58. <wtf_igo> makes sense
  59. <wtf_igo> sorry 1 se
  60. <wtf_igo> people be pinging me and getting me agitated
  61. <wtf_igo> want to calm down so can talk to you proerly
  62. <wtf_igo> i think sharing my story with you might help put things into perspective
  63. <wtf_igo> hey so you there?
  64. <wtf_igo> talk to me amigo
  65. <adventurous-society> hi
  66. <adventurous-society> sorry
  67. <adventurous-society> i was texting someone
  68. <adventurous-society> im here
  69. <wtf_igo> no worries
  70. <adventurous-society> so basically
  71. <adventurous-society> i just keep telling myself
  72. <adventurous-society> its ok to keep abusing as long as i dont do crazy 400mg+ rolls
  73. <adventurous-society> and space out by a month at least
  74. <adventurous-society> but i am currently doing a 1 time exception
  75. <adventurous-society> to the 1 month thing
  76. <adventurous-society> because its a really really good show
  77. <wtf_igo> so you are sort of right
  78. <adventurous-society> this weekend
  79. <wtf_igo> but you need to work on your timiing and your doses
  80. <wtf_igo> so for an average weight man, 150mg in a single sitting is more than enough. i would advice 100mg first with a 50mg booster
  81. <wtf_igo> but no more
  82. <wtf_igo> but that is okay once every 4 or 5 months
  83. <adventurous-society> i make my capsules at 160mg
  84. <wtf_igo> because your brain needs to replenish its serotonin
  85. <adventurous-society> but for this weekend i made myself a 200mg
  86. <wtf_igo> thats too much at once
  87. <adventurous-society> since i did 350mg last weekend
  88. <wtf_igo> 200mg is way too much
  89. <wtf_igo> so the dangers associated with mdma start from doses of 200mg+
  90. <wtf_igo> unless you are one of the unlucky ones who is alergic to it
  91. <wtf_igo> but clearly you are not
  92. <adventurous-society> did you read about my accidental overdose in #drugs?
  93. <wtf_igo> nah but tell me about it
  94. <wtf_igo> ive done it too
  95. <wtf_igo> a few times
  96. <adventurous-society> so at a festival in june i was on LSD and ketamine and brought a 500mg bag of powder. i couldnt figure out how to get a dose of powder in my mouth
  97. <adventurous-society> so i swallowed entire bag
  98. <adventurous-society> brb door
  99. <wtf_igo> no worries ill be here
  100. <wtf_igo> i didn that in ibiza
  101. <wtf_igo> ended up in hospital
  102. <adventurous-society> ok im back
  103. <wtf_igo> wb
  104. <adventurous-society> yeah it was very scary
  105. <wtf_igo> so tell me what happened
  106. <adventurous-society> i ended up going to the medical tent
  107. <adventurous-society> i thought i was dying
  108. <adventurous-society> and couldnt decide if it was worth risking or going to get help
  109. * wtf_igo nods
  110. <adventurous-society> if there werent medics on site idk what i would have done
  111. <adventurous-society> i was panicking and convinced i was having serotonin syndrome
  112. <adventurous-society> but they calmed me and told me id be fine
  113. <adventurous-society> and cooled me and gave me water
  114. <adventurous-society> told me not to do anymore drugs but then i foolishly bought another .15 and took it
  115. <adventurous-society> a few hrs later
  116. <wtf_igo> the same night?
  117. <wtf_igo> hmm
  118. <wtf_igo> no buneo
  119. <adventurous-society> ever since that day i havent felt like the same person
  120. <adventurous-society> i feel the 500mg altered my brain
  121. <adventurous-society> significantly
  122. <wtf_igo> in what way?
  123. <wtf_igo> yeah well it did
  124. <wtf_igo> no doubt it did
  125. <adventurous-society> ive never rolled so hard
  126. <adventurous-society> i didnt even know it was possible
  127. <wtf_igo> and how have you been feeling since then?
  128. <adventurous-society> just like my life is more dull
  129. <adventurous-society> and im very emotional
  130. <adventurous-society> i think school is making me extremely depressed too
  131. <adventurous-society> and contributing
  132. <adventurous-society> im in college taking 18 credits
  133. <wtf_igo> word
  134. <wtf_igo> so do you have any idea what the mdma might have done to cause that?
  135. <adventurous-society> destroy my serotonin axons
  136. <adventurous-society> maybe
  137. <wtf_igo> i dont know about that
  138. <wtf_igo> but
  139. <adventurous-society> i feel like i was starting to make a great recovery
  140. <wtf_igo> your serotonin levels will be very low
  141. <adventurous-society> but then i went to a festival september 27-29
  142. <adventurous-society> and did almost a gram over 2 days
  143. <wtf_igo> well if you keep taking it you cant recover from it
  144. <wtf_igo> and if you take it when your serotoinin is depleted
  145. <wtf_igo> then you most likely are going to damage your neurons in significant ways
  146. <wtf_igo> however we are not medical professinals here
  147. <wtf_igo> so cant make that call for you
  148. <wtf_igo> and there is every chance that it hasnt happened
  149. <wtf_igo> so no sense in giving up on yourself and continuing bad habits
  150. <adventurous-society> right
  151. <adventurous-society> i just hope i will be ok
  152. <adventurous-society> like i said, i am going to start seeing a therapist
  153. <adventurous-society> next month
  154. <wtf_igo> well thats a good start
  155. <wtf_igo> but
  156. <wtf_igo> you are also planning on taking more mdma next month
  157. <wtf_igo> so a therapist cant help you if you keep abusing your brain
  158. <wtf_igo> would you say you are addicted to mdma?
  159. <adventurous-society> i think i am but
  160. <adventurous-society> i think many peopple are worse
  161. <adventurous-society> than me
  162. <wtf_igo> but?
  163. <adventurous-society> i would never do every weekend
  164. <adventurous-society> or every other weekend
  165. <wtf_igo> well thats not the point
  166. <adventurous-society> or even every 3 weeks
  167. <wtf_igo> dont judge yourself on others
  168. <wtf_igo> doing heroin or meth less often than the average user doesnt lesson the risks much does it?
  169. <adventurous-society> right
  170. <adventurous-society> well
  171. <adventurous-society> i do meth recreationally
  172. <adventurous-society> once every few months
  173. <adventurous-society> ill binge for a few days
  174. <adventurous-society> i feel no cravings
  175. <adventurous-society> or desire to ever do it
  176. <adventurous-society> its not enticing at all to me
  177. <adventurous-society> same with crack cocaine.
  178. <wtf_igo> meth is highly neurotoxic
  179. <adventurous-society> i do every few months
  180. <adventurous-society> i have no issue with stopping
  181. <adventurous-society> and dont do it again until its offered
  182. <adventurous-society> which is very rare
  183. <wtf_igo> so if you are binging on that and taking obscene amounts of mdma
  184. <adventurous-society> but MDMA isnt the same
  185. <wtf_igo> you really are making life difficult for yourself
  186. <wtf_igo> well mdma gives you that euphoria
  187. <adventurous-society> really? is one meth binge very neurotoxic?
  188. <adventurous-society> ive only done meth maybe 6 times
  189. <wtf_igo> it doesnt last thohg
  190. <adventurous-society> in my life
  191. <wtf_igo> one dose of meth is neurotoxic yeah
  192. <wtf_igo> one dose
  193. <adventurous-society> the last time i did it i went complete psychoticd
  194. <adventurous-society> and thought my boyfriend was other people
  195. <adventurous-society> and we were at some sex party having an orgy
  196. <adventurous-society> but it was just me and him
  197. <adventurous-society> alone in my room
  198. <adventurous-society> it was very scary
  199. <wtf_igo> yeah its commmon on meth
  200. <wtf_igo> also
  201. <wtf_igo> if it happens once its far more likely to happen again
  202. <wtf_igo> so if you dont feel any desire to do meth its probably best if you just say no to it next time its offered to you
  203. <adventurous-society> yeah its happoened to me
  204. <adventurous-society> on 5 day adderall binge too before
  205. <adventurous-society> i thought people were trying to killme
  206. <adventurous-society> was talking to nonexistent people etc
  207. <adventurous-society> its very scary
  208. <adventurous-society> i think im going to stay away from those drugs
  209. <wtf_igo> sounds smart
  210. <wtf_igo> now lets see if can help you realise why you should prol get yourself sober completely for at least a year
  211. <wtf_igo> how does that idea make you feel?
  212. <adventurous-society> i never have even imagined
  213. <adventurous-society> ever since 16 ive been doing
  214. <adventurous-society> psychedelics and hard drugs
  215. <wtf_igo> sure
  216. <adventurous-society> but i never had a real problem until i became obsessed with raving
  217. <adventurous-society> EDM is my entire life now
  218. <wtf_igo> well i think hard identifying with anything is unhealthy tbh
  219. <wtf_igo> because if issues (such as the issues you are having now) come up, it makes it a lot harder to let go of the things you need to let go of
  220. <wtf_igo> there is a lot more to life than raving
  221. <adventurous-society> it is so important to me
  222. <wtf_igo> a lot more fun to be had
  223. <adventurous-society> and has chabnged my life so much
  224. <wtf_igo> it feels that way now sure
  225. <wtf_igo> and yeah man like
  226. <wtf_igo> its done the same for me
  227. <wtf_igo> but you can take the good lessons you learned and bring them forward
  228. <adventurous-society> at one 3-day event in september i did  2cb mdma lsd ketamine dmt cocaine shrooms ghb and xanax
  229. <adventurous-society> i felt like that was the peak of my life
  230. <adventurous-society> like i am living a dream
  231. <adventurous-society> and adderall
  232. <wtf_igo> yeah drugs can give you amazing experiences
  233. <wtf_igo> and when you are young its hard to imagine how anything else could ever make you feel that good
  234. <wtf_igo> but thats a high right, thats an exptreme kind of happiness. its not sustainable, and you always pay a price for it
  235. <wtf_igo> *extreme
  236. <wtf_igo> i mean you already recognise that you are paying a price for it yes?
  237. <wtf_igo> i dont mean money i mean your mental health
  238. <adventurous-society> and also
  239. <adventurous-society> i have been making living selling mdma
  240. <adventurous-society> so i always have it
  241. <adventurous-society> and always thinking about it
  242. <adventurous-society> i do know i am paying bad price
  243. <adventurous-society> but im convinced ill recover
  244. <adventurous-society> when i eventually stop
  245. <wtf_igo> see thats just it though
  246. <wtf_igo> its always future you that is the good guy
  247. <wtf_igo> you feel me?
  248. <wtf_igo> its always easier to imagine yourself fixing your problems later
  249. <wtf_igo> but they need to be fixed now
  250. <adventurous-society> yeah i understand
  251. <adventurous-society> that i am most likely delusional
  252. <adventurous-society> by keeping telling myself
  253. <adventurous-society> just one more roll
  254. <adventurous-society> it seems each time i roll i become more
  255. <adventurous-society> addicted to it
  256. <wtf_igo> ay
  257. <adventurous-society> you see i am introvert and very shy but
  258. <wtf_igo> look
  259. <adventurous-society> when i do mdma i come out of my shell
  260. <wtf_igo> ill level with you
  261. <adventurous-society> and become a party animal
  262. <wtf_igo> when i was your age i was taking grams of mdma every day
  263. <adventurous-society> its just so empowering i love it
  264. <wtf_igo> well here is a funny ting about that too
  265. <adventurous-society> wow and are you ok now/
  266. <adventurous-society> ?
  267. <wtf_igo> the drug isnt the party animal
  268. <wtf_igo> you are
  269. <wtf_igo> anyway
  270. <wtf_igo> im okay now yes
  271. <wtf_igo> but
  272. <wtf_igo> i stopped taking mdma when i was 23
  273. <wtf_igo> im 32 now
  274. <wtf_igo> it took me up until 2 years ago to be okay
  275. <adventurous-society> wow
  276. <adventurous-society> thats long time
  277. <wtf_igo> yeah man its heavy stuff
  278. <wtf_igo> i regret it honestly
  279. <adventurous-society> but surely my damage isnt that bad? (10 years worth)
  280. <wtf_igo> the problem for me back then
  281. <adventurous-society> if im not doing grams
  282. <adventurous-society> every day
  283. <adventurous-society> i would never do that
  284. <wtf_igo> man you are doing heavy doses too often
  285. <adventurous-society> i wouldnt even do a gram every month
  286. <wtf_igo> so yes the consequences of that could take years of work
  287. <adventurous-society> or other month
  288. <wtf_igo> also yoy binge on meth
  289. <wtf_igo> albeit infrequently but still
  290. <wtf_igo> you also tell me you are taking other drugs?
  291. <adventurous-society> yes but i have no issue
  292. <adventurous-society> or addiction
  293. <adventurous-society> with other drugs
  294. <wtf_igo> well then what is the issue with stopping?
  295. <wtf_igo> i.e being sober
  296. <adventurous-society> i feel like my level of use with other drugs is
  297. <adventurous-society> acceptable
  298. <adventurous-society> and doesnt cause issue in my life
  299. <adventurous-society> but my mdma use is out of hand
  300. <wtf_igo> what is your issue with being sober/
  301. <wtf_igo> ?
  302. <wtf_igo> poly drug addiction is a thing
  303. <adventurous-society> to me, drugs are a central part
  304. <adventurous-society> of the rave experience
  305. <wtf_igo> exactly
  306. <wtf_igo> why is that?
  307. <wtf_igo> its not like that for all ravers
  308. <adventurous-society> idk. you see at home when  i listen to dubstep i feel like
  309. <adventurous-society> im high
  310. <adventurous-society> just from the music
  311. <wtf_igo> right
  312. <adventurous-society> but ive never been to a show sober
  313. <wtf_igo> so then why the need to add drugs?
  314. <adventurous-society> i think maybe because ihave such bad social anxiety
  315. <adventurous-society> that i need to do mdma at shows
  316. <wtf_igo> i think its cause your mind has created the association
  317. <wtf_igo> and you feel like you cant be as social without the drugs
  318. <wtf_igo> but none of that is actually true
  319. <wtf_igo> thats just a belief system you have developed because of the way your life has unfolded
  320. <adventurous-society> like even before i started raving
  321. <adventurous-society> i have panic attacks
  322. <adventurous-society> from social situations
  323. <adventurous-society> but mdma has helped
  324. <adventurous-society> me be more confident
  325. <adventurous-society> in daily life
  326. <wtf_igo> sure so you got social anxiety, and yeah of course mdma is gonna force you to not worry about that while you are on it
  327. <wtf_igo> so
  328. <wtf_igo> of course you are more susceptible to becoming addicted to it
  329. <wtf_igo> what would it mean to you to be able to go to a rave, stay sober, but still have just as much, if not even more fun, than what you have when you are there on drugs?
  330. <wtf_igo> to be able to talk to people with confidence and no worries
  331. <adventurous-society> ive recently discovered
  332. <adventurous-society> 2cb + adderall
  333. <adventurous-society> reduces my anxiety too
  334. <adventurous-society> its very very fun but not as magical as MDMA
  335. <wtf_igo> yeah drugs make you feel good
  336. <adventurous-society> but i have amazing time
  337. <wtf_igo> its not rocket science amn
  338. <wtf_igo> man
  339. <adventurous-society> i also frequently do LSD alone
  340. <adventurous-society> when i do LSD i have bad trips
  341. <adventurous-society> and think everyone is judging me
  342. <adventurous-society> and police or security are after me etc
  343. <adventurous-society> but i continue to do it because it enhances the experience
  344. <adventurous-society> so much
  345. <adventurous-society> but if i combine lsd with mdma i have great time
  346. <wtf_igo> do you know what the word psychedelic means?
  347. <adventurous-society> mind manifesting
  348. <wtf_igo> right
  349. <adventurous-society> lsd was my first love
  350. <adventurous-society> before mdma
  351. <wtf_igo> so you understand why you were having bad trips?
  352. <adventurous-society> i tripped every weekend or other weekend
  353. <adventurous-society> for 2 years
  354. <wtf_igo> just forget about the drugs for a second and lets have a conversation
  355. <adventurous-society> yea because
  356. <wtf_igo> so you understand why you were having bad trips?
  357. <adventurous-society> i cant let go
  358. <adventurous-society> while at a show
  359. <wtf_igo> so you understand why you were having bad trips?
  360. <wtf_igo> oh
  361. <wtf_igo> okay
  362. <adventurous-society> and i get stuck in
  363. <adventurous-society> ego traps
  364. <wtf_igo> right you well to me it sounds a lot like your social anxiety was being amlpified while you were on it
  365. <wtf_igo> which makes sense given that lsd is "mind manifesting" right?
  366. <adventurous-society> yeah
  367. <adventurous-society> i prefer doing LSD alone
  368. <adventurous-society> but these last months ive been almost only tripping at shows
  369. <wtf_igo> right so have you heard about people using psychedelic to heal themselves from mental illness
  370. <wtf_igo> ?
  371. <adventurous-society> in september i had such bad trip i was literally crying
  372. <adventurous-society> at a festival
  373. <adventurous-society> balling my eyes
  374. <adventurous-society> and yes
  375. <wtf_igo> right
  376. <wtf_igo> so do you know how that works at all?
  377. <adventurous-society> yeah
  378. <adventurous-society> psychedelics changed
  379. <adventurous-society> my life
  380. <wtf_igo> tell me
  381. <wtf_igo> well its not enough to just take them in your room
  382. <adventurous-society> i used to do lsd every other weekend
  383. <adventurous-society> 500+mcg
  384. <adventurous-society> and meditate
  385. <adventurous-society> for hours
  386. <wtf_igo> do you know what integration is?
  387. <adventurous-society> and DMT
  388. <adventurous-society> and other drugs
  389. <adventurous-society> yes
  390. <adventurous-society> processing your trip and integrating
  391. <adventurous-society> into life
  392. <adventurous-society> i feel like i dont give myself enough sober time
  393. <adventurous-society> to integrate
  394. <wtf_igo> sure
  395. <wtf_igo> sounds like thats right to me
  396. <wtf_igo> so what does that say to you?
RAW Paste Data
We use cookies for various purposes including analytics. By continuing to use Pastebin, you agree to our use of cookies as described in the Cookies Policy. OK, I Understand
 
Top