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  1. <wtf_igo> hey
  2. <wtf_igo> if you want a more objective chat im happy to listen
  3. <adventurous-society> hi
  4. <adventurous-society> thank you
  5. <adventurous-society> i feel like they just dont understand. they are acting like im trying to glorify or get validation but im not
  6. <wtf_igo> its fine
  7. <wtf_igo> they are trying to help you
  8. <wtf_igo> but they all excited
  9. <wtf_igo> tell me about your mdma use and the issues it is causing you
  10. <adventurous-society> did you read my list of my past rolls?
  11. <adventurous-society> all of my lifetime rolls: may 2018 - 500mg over 2 days, august 2018 - 900mg in 1 day, february 2019 - 450mg in one day, march 2019 - 300mg in one day, june 2019 - 800mg in one day , august 2019-200mg ,  september 2019 - 1 gram over 2 days, november 8 - 350mg
  12. <wtf_igo> nah i couldnt read all the logs
  13. <adventurous-society> do you think from that amount i am permanently damaged
  14. <wtf_igo> k hang on a sec
  15. <wtf_igo> i dount it
  16. <wtf_igo> doubt it
  17. <wtf_igo> 1 sec let me just think for a min
  18. <adventurous-society> i feel like its not bad to roll every month if i keep it 200mg maximum
  19. <wtf_igo> im a lil high and people getting me quite flustered with this drama
  20. <adventurous-society> but i dont know if that is delusional or not
  21. <wtf_igo> well 200ug is too much for sure
  22. <wtf_igo> every month is also too often
  23. <wtf_igo> so the thing about mdma is this
  24. <wtf_igo> it uses your own natural serotonin stocks
  25. <wtf_igo> it depletes them
  26. <adventurous-society> can i tell you something without you calling me stupid
  27. <wtf_igo> and they take many months to replenish
  28. <wtf_igo> ill not call you stupid for anything dw
  29. <adventurous-society> i am rolling again in 48 hours . i know its not a good idea and that i cant make habit of rolling so close together
  30. <adventurous-society> (last roll nov 7)
  31. <adventurous-society> but i am so committed and cant back out
  32. <adventurous-society> it has such a hold on me
  33. <wtf_igo> so hang on
  34. <wtf_igo> so you want to stop but also you dont right?
  35. <adventurous-society> ok so the thing is
  36. <wtf_igo> like you recognise its bad but also yu want to get high
  37. <adventurous-society> i know i cant keep this up for long
  38. <wtf_igo> i know the feeling
  39. <adventurous-society> i cant start therapy until december 15
  40. <wtf_igo> so look
  41. <adventurous-society> i feel so stupid, i used to never think
  42. <adventurous-society> id end up like this
  43. <adventurous-society> and cared about my brain so much
  44. <wtf_igo> i abused mdma in my 20s more than most
  45. <adventurous-society> worse than me?
  46. <wtf_igo> yeah
  47. <wtf_igo> it fucked me up for a long time im not gonna lie
  48. <wtf_igo> also
  49. <wtf_igo> mdma doesnt work for me anymore
  50. <adventurous-society> its just so hard
  51. <adventurous-society> like i want to roll at every show
  52. <adventurous-society> and festival
  53. <adventurous-society> no other drug is the same
  54. <wtf_igo> sure
  55. <wtf_igo> how old are you if you dont mind me asking?
  56. <adventurous-society> 19
  57. <wtf_igo> aight
  58. <wtf_igo> makes sense
  59. <wtf_igo> sorry 1 se
  60. <wtf_igo> people be pinging me and getting me agitated
  61. <wtf_igo> want to calm down so can talk to you proerly
  62. <wtf_igo> i think sharing my story with you might help put things into perspective
  63. <wtf_igo> hey so you there?
  64. <wtf_igo> talk to me amigo
  65. <adventurous-society> hi
  66. <adventurous-society> sorry
  67. <adventurous-society> i was texting someone
  68. <adventurous-society> im here
  69. <wtf_igo> no worries
  70. <adventurous-society> so basically
  71. <adventurous-society> i just keep telling myself
  72. <adventurous-society> its ok to keep abusing as long as i dont do crazy 400mg+ rolls
  73. <adventurous-society> and space out by a month at least
  74. <adventurous-society> but i am currently doing a 1 time exception
  75. <adventurous-society> to the 1 month thing
  76. <adventurous-society> because its a really really good show
  77. <wtf_igo> so you are sort of right
  78. <adventurous-society> this weekend
  79. <wtf_igo> but you need to work on your timiing and your doses
  80. <wtf_igo> so for an average weight man, 150mg in a single sitting is more than enough. i would advice 100mg first with a 50mg booster
  81. <wtf_igo> but no more
  82. <wtf_igo> but that is okay once every 4 or 5 months
  83. <adventurous-society> i make my capsules at 160mg
  84. <wtf_igo> because your brain needs to replenish its serotonin
  85. <adventurous-society> but for this weekend i made myself a 200mg
  86. <wtf_igo> thats too much at once
  87. <adventurous-society> since i did 350mg last weekend
  88. <wtf_igo> 200mg is way too much
  89. <wtf_igo> so the dangers associated with mdma start from doses of 200mg+
  90. <wtf_igo> unless you are one of the unlucky ones who is alergic to it
  91. <wtf_igo> but clearly you are not
  92. <adventurous-society> did you read about my accidental overdose in #drugs?
  93. <wtf_igo> nah but tell me about it
  94. <wtf_igo> ive done it too
  95. <wtf_igo> a few times
  96. <adventurous-society> so at a festival in june i was on LSD and ketamine and brought a 500mg bag of powder. i couldnt figure out how to get a dose of powder in my mouth
  97. <adventurous-society> so i swallowed entire bag
  98. <adventurous-society> brb door
  99. <wtf_igo> no worries ill be here
  100. <wtf_igo> i didn that in ibiza
  101. <wtf_igo> ended up in hospital
  102. <adventurous-society> ok im back
  103. <wtf_igo> wb
  104. <adventurous-society> yeah it was very scary
  105. <wtf_igo> so tell me what happened
  106. <adventurous-society> i ended up going to the medical tent
  107. <adventurous-society> i thought i was dying
  108. <adventurous-society> and couldnt decide if it was worth risking or going to get help
  109. * wtf_igo nods
  110. <adventurous-society> if there werent medics on site idk what i would have done
  111. <adventurous-society> i was panicking and convinced i was having serotonin syndrome
  112. <adventurous-society> but they calmed me and told me id be fine
  113. <adventurous-society> and cooled me and gave me water
  114. <adventurous-society> told me not to do anymore drugs but then i foolishly bought another .15 and took it
  115. <adventurous-society> a few hrs later
  116. <wtf_igo> the same night?
  117. <wtf_igo> hmm
  118. <wtf_igo> no buneo
  119. <adventurous-society> ever since that day i havent felt like the same person
  120. <adventurous-society> i feel the 500mg altered my brain
  121. <adventurous-society> significantly
  122. <wtf_igo> in what way?
  123. <wtf_igo> yeah well it did
  124. <wtf_igo> no doubt it did
  125. <adventurous-society> ive never rolled so hard
  126. <adventurous-society> i didnt even know it was possible
  127. <wtf_igo> and how have you been feeling since then?
  128. <adventurous-society> just like my life is more dull
  129. <adventurous-society> and im very emotional
  130. <adventurous-society> i think school is making me extremely depressed too
  131. <adventurous-society> and contributing
  132. <adventurous-society> im in college taking 18 credits
  133. <wtf_igo> word
  134. <wtf_igo> so do you have any idea what the mdma might have done to cause that?
  135. <adventurous-society> destroy my serotonin axons
  136. <adventurous-society> maybe
  137. <wtf_igo> i dont know about that
  138. <wtf_igo> but
  139. <adventurous-society> i feel like i was starting to make a great recovery
  140. <wtf_igo> your serotonin levels will be very low
  141. <adventurous-society> but then i went to a festival september 27-29
  142. <adventurous-society> and did almost a gram over 2 days
  143. <wtf_igo> well if you keep taking it you cant recover from it
  144. <wtf_igo> and if you take it when your serotoinin is depleted
  145. <wtf_igo> then you most likely are going to damage your neurons in significant ways
  146. <wtf_igo> however we are not medical professinals here
  147. <wtf_igo> so cant make that call for you
  148. <wtf_igo> and there is every chance that it hasnt happened
  149. <wtf_igo> so no sense in giving up on yourself and continuing bad habits
  150. <adventurous-society> right
  151. <adventurous-society> i just hope i will be ok
  152. <adventurous-society> like i said, i am going to start seeing a therapist
  153. <adventurous-society> next month
  154. <wtf_igo> well thats a good start
  155. <wtf_igo> but
  156. <wtf_igo> you are also planning on taking more mdma next month
  157. <wtf_igo> so a therapist cant help you if you keep abusing your brain
  158. <wtf_igo> would you say you are addicted to mdma?
  159. <adventurous-society> i think i am but
  160. <adventurous-society> i think many peopple are worse
  161. <adventurous-society> than me
  162. <wtf_igo> but?
  163. <adventurous-society> i would never do every weekend
  164. <adventurous-society> or every other weekend
  165. <wtf_igo> well thats not the point
  166. <adventurous-society> or even every 3 weeks
  167. <wtf_igo> dont judge yourself on others
  168. <wtf_igo> doing heroin or meth less often than the average user doesnt lesson the risks much does it?
  169. <adventurous-society> right
  170. <adventurous-society> well
  171. <adventurous-society> i do meth recreationally
  172. <adventurous-society> once every few months
  173. <adventurous-society> ill binge for a few days
  174. <adventurous-society> i feel no cravings
  175. <adventurous-society> or desire to ever do it
  176. <adventurous-society> its not enticing at all to me
  177. <adventurous-society> same with crack cocaine.
  178. <wtf_igo> meth is highly neurotoxic
  179. <adventurous-society> i do every few months
  180. <adventurous-society> i have no issue with stopping
  181. <adventurous-society> and dont do it again until its offered
  182. <adventurous-society> which is very rare
  183. <wtf_igo> so if you are binging on that and taking obscene amounts of mdma
  184. <adventurous-society> but MDMA isnt the same
  185. <wtf_igo> you really are making life difficult for yourself
  186. <wtf_igo> well mdma gives you that euphoria
  187. <adventurous-society> really? is one meth binge very neurotoxic?
  188. <adventurous-society> ive only done meth maybe 6 times
  189. <wtf_igo> it doesnt last thohg
  190. <adventurous-society> in my life
  191. <wtf_igo> one dose of meth is neurotoxic yeah
  192. <wtf_igo> one dose
  193. <adventurous-society> the last time i did it i went complete psychoticd
  194. <adventurous-society> and thought my boyfriend was other people
  195. <adventurous-society> and we were at some sex party having an orgy
  196. <adventurous-society> but it was just me and him
  197. <adventurous-society> alone in my room
  198. <adventurous-society> it was very scary
  199. <wtf_igo> yeah its commmon on meth
  200. <wtf_igo> also
  201. <wtf_igo> if it happens once its far more likely to happen again
  202. <wtf_igo> so if you dont feel any desire to do meth its probably best if you just say no to it next time its offered to you
  203. <adventurous-society> yeah its happoened to me
  204. <adventurous-society> on 5 day adderall binge too before
  205. <adventurous-society> i thought people were trying to killme
  206. <adventurous-society> was talking to nonexistent people etc
  207. <adventurous-society> its very scary
  208. <adventurous-society> i think im going to stay away from those drugs
  209. <wtf_igo> sounds smart
  210. <wtf_igo> now lets see if can help you realise why you should prol get yourself sober completely for at least a year
  211. <wtf_igo> how does that idea make you feel?
  212. <adventurous-society> i never have even imagined
  213. <adventurous-society> ever since 16 ive been doing
  214. <adventurous-society> psychedelics and hard drugs
  215. <wtf_igo> sure
  216. <adventurous-society> but i never had a real problem until i became obsessed with raving
  217. <adventurous-society> EDM is my entire life now
  218. <wtf_igo> well i think hard identifying with anything is unhealthy tbh
  219. <wtf_igo> because if issues (such as the issues you are having now) come up, it makes it a lot harder to let go of the things you need to let go of
  220. <wtf_igo> there is a lot more to life than raving
  221. <adventurous-society> it is so important to me
  222. <wtf_igo> a lot more fun to be had
  223. <adventurous-society> and has chabnged my life so much
  224. <wtf_igo> it feels that way now sure
  225. <wtf_igo> and yeah man like
  226. <wtf_igo> its done the same for me
  227. <wtf_igo> but you can take the good lessons you learned and bring them forward
  228. <adventurous-society> at one 3-day event in september i did  2cb mdma lsd ketamine dmt cocaine shrooms ghb and xanax
  229. <adventurous-society> i felt like that was the peak of my life
  230. <adventurous-society> like i am living a dream
  231. <adventurous-society> and adderall
  232. <wtf_igo> yeah drugs can give you amazing experiences
  233. <wtf_igo> and when you are young its hard to imagine how anything else could ever make you feel that good
  234. <wtf_igo> but thats a high right, thats an exptreme kind of happiness. its not sustainable, and you always pay a price for it
  235. <wtf_igo> *extreme
  236. <wtf_igo> i mean you already recognise that you are paying a price for it yes?
  237. <wtf_igo> i dont mean money i mean your mental health
  238. <adventurous-society> and also
  239. <adventurous-society> i have been making living selling mdma
  240. <adventurous-society> so i always have it
  241. <adventurous-society> and always thinking about it
  242. <adventurous-society> i do know i am paying bad price
  243. <adventurous-society> but im convinced ill recover
  244. <adventurous-society> when i eventually stop
  245. <wtf_igo> see thats just it though
  246. <wtf_igo> its always future you that is the good guy
  247. <wtf_igo> you feel me?
  248. <wtf_igo> its always easier to imagine yourself fixing your problems later
  249. <wtf_igo> but they need to be fixed now
  250. <adventurous-society> yeah i understand
  251. <adventurous-society> that i am most likely delusional
  252. <adventurous-society> by keeping telling myself
  253. <adventurous-society> just one more roll
  254. <adventurous-society> it seems each time i roll i become more
  255. <adventurous-society> addicted to it
  256. <wtf_igo> ay
  257. <adventurous-society> you see i am introvert and very shy but
  258. <wtf_igo> look
  259. <adventurous-society> when i do mdma i come out of my shell
  260. <wtf_igo> ill level with you
  261. <adventurous-society> and become a party animal
  262. <wtf_igo> when i was your age i was taking grams of mdma every day
  263. <adventurous-society> its just so empowering i love it
  264. <wtf_igo> well here is a funny ting about that too
  265. <adventurous-society> wow and are you ok now/
  266. <adventurous-society> ?
  267. <wtf_igo> the drug isnt the party animal
  268. <wtf_igo> you are
  269. <wtf_igo> anyway
  270. <wtf_igo> im okay now yes
  271. <wtf_igo> but
  272. <wtf_igo> i stopped taking mdma when i was 23
  273. <wtf_igo> im 32 now
  274. <wtf_igo> it took me up until 2 years ago to be okay
  275. <adventurous-society> wow
  276. <adventurous-society> thats long time
  277. <wtf_igo> yeah man its heavy stuff
  278. <wtf_igo> i regret it honestly
  279. <adventurous-society> but surely my damage isnt that bad? (10 years worth)
  280. <wtf_igo> the problem for me back then
  281. <adventurous-society> if im not doing grams
  282. <adventurous-society> every day
  283. <adventurous-society> i would never do that
  284. <wtf_igo> man you are doing heavy doses too often
  285. <adventurous-society> i wouldnt even do a gram every month
  286. <wtf_igo> so yes the consequences of that could take years of work
  287. <adventurous-society> or other month
  288. <wtf_igo> also yoy binge on meth
  289. <wtf_igo> albeit infrequently but still
  290. <wtf_igo> you also tell me you are taking other drugs?
  291. <adventurous-society> yes but i have no issue
  292. <adventurous-society> or addiction
  293. <adventurous-society> with other drugs
  294. <wtf_igo> well then what is the issue with stopping?
  295. <wtf_igo> i.e being sober
  296. <adventurous-society> i feel like my level of use with other drugs is
  297. <adventurous-society> acceptable
  298. <adventurous-society> and doesnt cause issue in my life
  299. <adventurous-society> but my mdma use is out of hand
  300. <wtf_igo> what is your issue with being sober/
  301. <wtf_igo> ?
  302. <wtf_igo> poly drug addiction is a thing
  303. <adventurous-society> to me, drugs are a central part
  304. <adventurous-society> of the rave experience
  305. <wtf_igo> exactly
  306. <wtf_igo> why is that?
  307. <wtf_igo> its not like that for all ravers
  308. <adventurous-society> idk. you see at home when  i listen to dubstep i feel like
  309. <adventurous-society> im high
  310. <adventurous-society> just from the music
  311. <wtf_igo> right
  312. <adventurous-society> but ive never been to a show sober
  313. <wtf_igo> so then why the need to add drugs?
  314. <adventurous-society> i think maybe because ihave such bad social anxiety
  315. <adventurous-society> that i need to do mdma at shows
  316. <wtf_igo> i think its cause your mind has created the association
  317. <wtf_igo> and you feel like you cant be as social without the drugs
  318. <wtf_igo> but none of that is actually true
  319. <wtf_igo> thats just a belief system you have developed because of the way your life has unfolded
  320. <adventurous-society> like even before i started raving
  321. <adventurous-society> i have panic attacks
  322. <adventurous-society> from social situations
  323. <adventurous-society> but mdma has helped
  324. <adventurous-society> me be more confident
  325. <adventurous-society> in daily life
  326. <wtf_igo> sure so you got social anxiety, and yeah of course mdma is gonna force you to not worry about that while you are on it
  327. <wtf_igo> so
  328. <wtf_igo> of course you are more susceptible to becoming addicted to it
  329. <wtf_igo> what would it mean to you to be able to go to a rave, stay sober, but still have just as much, if not even more fun, than what you have when you are there on drugs?
  330. <wtf_igo> to be able to talk to people with confidence and no worries
  331. <adventurous-society> ive recently discovered
  332. <adventurous-society> 2cb + adderall
  333. <adventurous-society> reduces my anxiety too
  334. <adventurous-society> its very very fun but not as magical as MDMA
  335. <wtf_igo> yeah drugs make you feel good
  336. <adventurous-society> but i have amazing time
  337. <wtf_igo> its not rocket science amn
  338. <wtf_igo> man
  339. <adventurous-society> i also frequently do LSD alone
  340. <adventurous-society> when i do LSD i have bad trips
  341. <adventurous-society> and think everyone is judging me
  342. <adventurous-society> and police or security are after me etc
  343. <adventurous-society> but i continue to do it because it enhances the experience
  344. <adventurous-society> so much
  345. <adventurous-society> but if i combine lsd with mdma i have great time
  346. <wtf_igo> do you know what the word psychedelic means?
  347. <adventurous-society> mind manifesting
  348. <wtf_igo> right
  349. <adventurous-society> lsd was my first love
  350. <adventurous-society> before mdma
  351. <wtf_igo> so you understand why you were having bad trips?
  352. <adventurous-society> i tripped every weekend or other weekend
  353. <adventurous-society> for 2 years
  354. <wtf_igo> just forget about the drugs for a second and lets have a conversation
  355. <adventurous-society> yea because
  356. <wtf_igo> so you understand why you were having bad trips?
  357. <adventurous-society> i cant let go
  358. <adventurous-society> while at a show
  359. <wtf_igo> so you understand why you were having bad trips?
  360. <wtf_igo> oh
  361. <wtf_igo> okay
  362. <adventurous-society> and i get stuck in
  363. <adventurous-society> ego traps
  364. <wtf_igo> right you well to me it sounds a lot like your social anxiety was being amlpified while you were on it
  365. <wtf_igo> which makes sense given that lsd is "mind manifesting" right?
  366. <adventurous-society> yeah
  367. <adventurous-society> i prefer doing LSD alone
  368. <adventurous-society> but these last months ive been almost only tripping at shows
  369. <wtf_igo> right so have you heard about people using psychedelic to heal themselves from mental illness
  370. <wtf_igo> ?
  371. <adventurous-society> in september i had such bad trip i was literally crying
  372. <adventurous-society> at a festival
  373. <adventurous-society> balling my eyes
  374. <adventurous-society> and yes
  375. <wtf_igo> right
  376. <wtf_igo> so do you know how that works at all?
  377. <adventurous-society> yeah
  378. <adventurous-society> psychedelics changed
  379. <adventurous-society> my life
  380. <wtf_igo> tell me
  381. <wtf_igo> well its not enough to just take them in your room
  382. <adventurous-society> i used to do lsd every other weekend
  383. <adventurous-society> 500+mcg
  384. <adventurous-society> and meditate
  385. <adventurous-society> for hours
  386. <wtf_igo> do you know what integration is?
  387. <adventurous-society> and DMT
  388. <adventurous-society> and other drugs
  389. <adventurous-society> yes
  390. <adventurous-society> processing your trip and integrating
  391. <adventurous-society> into life
  392. <adventurous-society> i feel like i dont give myself enough sober time
  393. <adventurous-society> to integrate
  394. <wtf_igo> sure
  395. <wtf_igo> sounds like thats right to me
  396. <wtf_igo> so what does that say to you?
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