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Spongebob n Patrick do blockbuster season 3 ep 3

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  1. sponegbob & patrick do blockbuster season 3 episode 3 “patrick vs capitalism”
  2.  
  3. (sack and sponegbob hanging out at night after everyone left)
  4.  
  5. sack: man, i missed those crazy kids. im happy to be here, i love the ol gardn state.
  6.  
  7. spongebob: i guess that explains why you’re here
  8.  
  9. sack: yep. don’t worry i won’t be in your home too long
  10.  
  11. spongebob: don’t worry man. i’m enjoying this. wanna get high and watch a movie?
  12.  
  13. sack: yeah, let’s see what you got (goes over to the tapes) breakfast club, ferris bueller, rocky
  14.  
  15. spongebob: adrian!
  16.  
  17. sack: fuck it let’s watch it (puts the tape in)
  18.  
  19. (patrick and barry eating lunch)
  20.  
  21. patrick: yeah dude, tool is fucking awesome. fuck i wish i had my tapes so we can rock out to them
  22.  
  23. barry: im into the older shit. sabbath, maiden, metallica. ya know
  24.  
  25. patrick: hmm slayer?
  26.  
  27. barry: hell yeah
  28.  
  29. patrick: awesome, that’s our common music ground
  30.  
  31. (patrick notices a soda machine being installed)
  32.  
  33. patrick: mutant soda? what the fuck
  34.  
  35. barry: huh, they’re only filled with them
  36.  
  37. (they walk over)
  38.  
  39. patrick: (to the guy installing it) what is this?
  40.  
  41. installer: what’s it look like? im just doin my job i don’t know
  42.  
  43. patrick: ok sorry asshole. huh, i guess i can go for a soda (puts a dollar in) (takes a sip) huh. it’s like shitty mountain dew
  44.  
  45. barry: lemme try (tastes it) yuck. i don’t need this
  46.  
  47. patrick: yeah, weird how it’s here
  48.  
  49. barry: well, let’s go back to the table before our soup gets cold
  50.  
  51. (steve in his office talking to the representative of the soda)
  52.  
  53. rep: so here’s the deal, you sell out the fridge in a week, hang up the posters around and you get the cash
  54.  
  55. steve: how much we talkin?
  56.  
  57. rep: (writes it down and shows steve)
  58.  
  59. steve: woah...alright. that works
  60.  
  61. rep: i’ll be back
  62.  
  63. (barry and patrick one v oneing)
  64.  
  65. patrick: check it
  66.  
  67. (patrick gets the check he does it behind the legs a legs a few times. dribbles up to the left does a hop step left, quickly goes right, completely breaks barry’s ankles)
  68.  
  69. patrick: yooo fuck it. that’s it. that is it right there. i don’t even have to shoot cuz i just created the best highlight ever. where you at michael jordan, huh? where you fuckin at boy?
  70.  
  71. barry: (gets up) oh man. that is enough for me
  72.  
  73. patrick: can’t take the heat? yeah, me and stephon marbury representing the state of new jersey as the leagues best back court for the nets
  74.  
  75. barry: you’re crazy man
  76.  
  77. patrick: yep. that is why they call me the bad boy of bikini bottom
  78.  
  79. barry: really? what the hell man
  80.  
  81. patrick: ha im just kidding, idiot. wow you actually believe the stupidest shit
  82.  
  83. barry: damn pat chill out
  84.  
  85. patrick: come on im just breakin your balls.
  86.  
  87. barry: where’d you learn those moves?
  88.  
  89. patrick: i was born with them
  90.  
  91. barry: fair enough
  92.  
  93. patrick: (checks watch) oh shit, star trek tng is coming on in 5 minutes
  94.  
  95. (they run over to this lounge room with a tv)
  96.  
  97. patrick: (they’re watching twin peaks and he changes the channel) star trek tng is on
  98.  
  99. random: we were watching that man (changes it back)
  100.  
  101. patrick: (sigh) laura was killed by her father cuz he was possessed by this guy named bob and he kills maddie too then he kills himself and james has a stupid plot line after that goes nowhere then this dude captures leo and there’s this beauty contest and bob is there and this girl that dale cooper fucks gets taken by bob and he saves her and at the end it reveals that cooper was possessed by bob, end of the series (changes to tng) if you ask me, it’s already dated after 8 years. this show is classic
  102.  
  103. barry; (notices a mutant soda poster) woah, look over there pat
  104.  
  105. patrick: (notices it) huh, who put that up?
  106.  
  107. barry: i don’t know man.
  108.  
  109. patrick: (notices a lot of people drinking mutant soda) that shit is literally ass. why do people fucking drink it? the taste is literally akin to my piss after asparagus which i love drinking, yummy.!
  110.  
  111. barry: ew don’t tell me you tried
  112.  
  113. patrick: oh my god, don’t you understand by now that irony is a huge part of my sense of humor?  whatever, never mind but im feeling like things aren’t as they seem around here. we gotta get to the bottom of this. ohhh this is a good ass episode tho, after the scene where picard totally rags on his brother we commence our expedition to the bottom of this
  114.  
  115. (sack hanging out in the living room while spongebob is about to leave for work)
  116.  
  117. spongebob: alright sack, i’ll see ya. what are you gonna do today?
  118.  
  119. sack: go down to matthews, say hi to tony. ya know
  120.  
  121. spongebob: ok. bye (leaves)
  122.  
  123. (the phone rings)
  124.  
  125. sack: yo
  126.  
  127. randy: hey sack, change of plans. come over right now, we’re gonna bang this out in the morning
  128.  
  129. sack: ight. gimme 15
  130.  
  131. (spongebob driving with jade)
  132.  
  133. jade: you guys go hard
  134.  
  135. spongebob: oh you fucking know it
  136.  
  137. jade: i guess i do
  138.  
  139. spongebob: we’ve been going down like that since 1994. yep. 1994
  140.  
  141. jade: nice to be accepted by a close group. nice nets windbreaker by the way
  142.  
  143. spongebob: oh you like new jersey’s team?
  144.  
  145. jade: as bad as they are, im watching every game
  146.  
  147. spongebob: marbury, kittles and van horn is the nba’s next great trio.
  148.  
  149. jade: if they can bump up those field goal percentages yeah
  150.  
  151. spongebob: ya know what, i have a surprise and it’s gonna require being a little late to work
  152.  
  153. jade: uhhh ok
  154.  
  155. (steve in his office on the phone)
  156.  
  157. steve: we met the quota in an afternoon!
  158.  
  159. rep: very good. and the posters?
  160.  
  161. steve: yep. they’re all hung up
  162.  
  163. rep: next we’re gonna need you to play the cds we send. the mutant soda soundtrack, extreme music for a super soda
  164.  
  165. steve: will do
  166.  
  167. rep: excellent (hangs up)
  168.  
  169. patrick and barry barge in
  170.  
  171. patrick: hey asshole. what the fuck is going on in this place?
  172.  
  173. steve: what are you talking about?
  174.  
  175. patrick: cut the shit. mutant soda, what about it
  176.  
  177. steve: oh..well i really hoped no one would ask but we’re partnered with them. we promote, they give us green
  178.  
  179. patrick: promote? oh, you mean advertise
  180.  
  181. steve: hey, we’re just getting a little extra cash. this place needs it
  182.  
  183. patrick: oh yeah because treating recovering addicts who are healing like a demographic is totally the way to solve it. ok. this is the 1 percenter crap i hate. i knew you were a bitch but it has just come to my attention that you’re an ultra bitch. we’ll be back. i may technically not be a member of society but i still see bull shut where it’s located
  184.  
  185. steve: well, we like to see you get involved patrick
  186.  
  187. patrick: may you feel a horrific pain in the region of your testicle area as the vehemence of my wrath absorbs every property of your being. (gives finger as he and barry leave)
  188.  
  189. patrick: well, i guess we school nerds at basketball for now
  190.  
  191. (sack and randy driving)
  192.  
  193. sack; this gonna be a piece of pie
  194.  
  195. randy: if you don’t fuck it up yea
  196.  
  197. sack; ive been doing this for a long time buddy
  198.  
  199. randy: well dude i’m in jail all the time so it doesn’t really bother me if i am there for a night.
  200.  
  201. sack: man if sponegbob finds out....
  202.  
  203. (they show up to the place)
  204.  
  205. sack: are you sure both you and me can do this?
  206.  
  207. randy: dude, if we were able to do it 6 years ago, we can do it now
  208.  
  209. sack: ight. let’s get this over with
  210.  
  211. (they start packing one in the truck)
  212.  
  213. sack: these muscles still kickin
  214.  
  215. (they pack it up)
  216.  
  217. randy: nice to see those arms didn’t turn into vaginas
  218.  
  219. (some guy comes out)
  220.  
  221. guy: this is private property, what are you doing?
  222.  
  223. randy: fuck
  224.  
  225. sack: randy i thought you said no one is at this lot on this time
  226.  
  227. guy: are you taking my wire?
  228.  
  229. (randy hops in the truck and drives off with the roll of wire)
  230.  
  231. sack: randy!!!!!
  232.  
  233. guy: (chases him)
  234.  
  235. sack: ahhh! (runs)
  236.  
  237. (the guy eventually catches up and tackles him)
  238.  
  239. (a cut to the police at the scene taking sack away)
  240.  
  241. sack: god dammit randy!
  242.  
  243. (cop puts sack in the car and drives off)
  244.  
  245. (patrick and barry walking to group therapy)
  246.  
  247. patrick: man all of these posters are so pissing me off
  248.  
  249. (random patient approaches)
  250.  
  251. patient: what are you talking about, it’s paying for our new hot tub
  252.  
  253. patrick: we’re literally being marketed to
  254.  
  255. patient: who cares ? ads are everywhere
  256.  
  257. patrick: oh yeah so they have to be in rehabs
  258.  
  259. patient: man who cares about a few posters and machines? don’t you drink soda?
  260.  
  261. patrick: that isn’t the point. the point is that they are targeting this soft drink or “super soda” (cringe noise) to recovering addicts, ie us. fuck you
  262.  
  263. barry: patrick come on
  264.  
  265. patient: whatever man
  266.  
  267. (in group therapy)
  268.  
  269. group leader: hello everyone. you are all doing incredibly well, before any of us speak, this group session is sponsored by mutant super soda, the official soft drink of the recovering addicts community (opens one up and takes a sip) ahh
  270.  
  271. patrick: oh my god are you actually serious? wow that is low. that is really fucking low. man, my mood was totally fine at this place and now it’s all angry over the fucking ads for this stupid soda. ill be honest, most of the people here are stupid and probably will go back to drugs the second they leave because they’re weak. brett’s cool tho...i like garret to....vinny said something really funny once but he followed it up with bitchiness so not him...anyways, i digress. we can’t keep letting this happen. we’re here to heal and this energy soda or whatever the fuck it is is literally designed to get us addicted to it. oh my god it’s so evil! you are all so incredibly stupid, i don’t respect any of you. i’ll be smoking in the basement in my metaphorical grave if anyone needs me
  272.  
  273. (barry follows)
  274.  
  275. barry: every session huh?
  276.  
  277. patrick: i’ve got a plan.
  278.  
  279. barry: what is it ?
  280.  
  281. (steve on the phone with the representative)
  282.  
  283. rep: so we do it tomorrow?
  284.  
  285. steve: yeah. it doesn’t feel right though
  286.  
  287. rep: nonsense. we are all for helping addicts and if we can claim the name to this rehab center then we’ll get more notoriety. this is a good thing for all parties involved.
  288.  
  289. steve: okay. i guess i can get used to mutant super soda rehab center
  290.  
  291. rep: great! tomorrow we’ll announce it. we’ll be there in the morning
  292.  
  293. (patrick and barry dressed in discreet robber clothing late at night)
  294.  
  295. barry: you ready?
  296.  
  297. patrick: let’s go
  298.  
  299. (a montage of them removing every poster, taking every machine, destroying them outside and ripping up all of the merch and every strain of mutant soda)
  300.  
  301. patrick: fuck yeah. that rep will come and it’s over
  302.  
  303. (the rep walking in the next morning)
  304.  
  305. rep: (notices the pile of muntat soda and mutant soda accessories) huh?
  306.  
  307. (patrick and barry waiting )
  308.  
  309. patrick: hey you looking for steve?
  310.  
  311. barry: he ain’t here.
  312.  
  313. rep: oh?
  314.  
  315. patrick; yeah, come with me
  316.  
  317. (he takes him to a discreet corner outside)
  318.  
  319. patrick: listen to me, you are going to stop using addicts as a demographic and ruining the rehab, okay?
  320.  
  321. rep: no we have an agreement
  322.  
  323. barry: be quiet
  324.  
  325. patrick: you don’t wanna see what i am capable of. so i suggest you walk on out of here and forget about this place and maybe learn some respect
  326.  
  327. rep: okay, i’m just gonna find steve
  328.  
  329. (patrick punches him and breaks his finger)
  330.  
  331. patrick: get out of here. never come back.......(patrick aggressively kicks him in the nuts)
  332.  
  333. rep: awehwhhwhwe
  334.  
  335. patrick: (kicks him in the face) out of here! get the fuck out of here! (he runs off crying)
  336.  
  337. barry: awesome
  338.  
  339. patrick: yep. awesome
  340.  
  341. (patrick in steve’s office)
  342.  
  343. patrick; so yeah, you better not expose us like that again cuz if you do, itll be you who feels my wrath
  344.  
  345. steve: (looks visibly scared)
  346.  
  347. patrick: alright. bye asshole
  348.  
  349. (sack in jail. he calls sponegbob)
  350.  
  351. spongebob: hello?
  352.  
  353. sack: hey
  354.  
  355. spongebob: oh sack where are you?
  356.  
  357. sack: i can explain...i’m at the town jail. can you bail me out?
  358.  
  359. spongebob: you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me
  360.  
  361. (spongebob driving sack back)
  362.  
  363. spongebob; unbelievable
  364.  
  365. sack: but i
  366.  
  367. spongebob: nope i am not having this again. not again. wow, you thought it was a good idea to steal with randy? you idiot
  368.  
  369. sack: oh you think you’re high and mighty college flunk out mr. minimum wage job.
  370.  
  371. spongebob: oh fuck you...why are you really doing here sack
  372.  
  373. sack: jess found out we’re losing the house and booted me. she said get the house back or never come back. are you happy? happy to here i’m a failure?
  374.  
  375. spongebob: you’re just an idiot with unsustainable income. odd jobs? seriously get real
  376.  
  377. sack: at least i work with my hands. i see what you do
  378.  
  379. spongebob: you’re pissing me off hard here
  380.  
  381. (they get back to the pineapple and get out of the car)
  382.  
  383. sponegbob: (in the yard) you better not pull it again
  384.  
  385. sack: oh hush it man
  386.  
  387. (spongebob looks mad and attacks sack)
  388.  
  389. spongebob: i am not a druggie and i grew since my downfall at penn state
  390.  
  391. (they fight as the episode fades out)
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