Celestia Greentexts: Soap Operas

Jan 4th, 2015
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  1. >"Rose, I, I...I LOVE YOU!"
  2. >Celestia sniffled next to you on the couch, wiping tears from her eyes.
  3. >You are Anonymous, and you regret ever finding your old TV and DVDs that your mother had given to you for Christmas.
  4. >Your mom had given you a large set of soap opera DVDs as a joke one year, and you had thought they were long gone.
  5. >Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, you and Celestia were rummaging through your old belongings from Earth, and you were able to find three things: a portable generator, a small TV with a DVD built in, and the collection of soap opera DVDs.
  6. >"So, what are these, Anonymous?" sunhorse had asked you as she looked the items over.
  7. >You had explained the items and their purpose to her in detail.
  8. >You had no idea her next suggestion would lead you to now.
  9. >"Sounds very interesting! Why not activate this 'TV' and watch these, then?"
  10. >You had said yes solely because A) You felt you should allow her to satisfy her Equestrian curiosity, and B) You felt it would be rude to say no to a fucking princess.
  11. >Fast forward to now, and you're only halfway through the entire collection of DVDs.
  12. >"James, I...didn't think you felt this way..."
  13. >The man on the TV got to his knee and held the woman's hand eagerly. "Rose...will you marry me?"
  14. >The woman was shocked and speechless, unable to form words.
  15. >Instead of responding, she brought the man back up and kissed him tenderly, the man kissing back, dopey and generic romance music playing in the background.
  16. >Celestia clopped her hooves together happily, sniffling again. "Oh, I knew they would find love eventually."
  17. >She wiped more tears from her eyes as the credits rolled.
  18. >"Wasn't that wonderful, Anonymous?"
  19. >She asked that every single time.
  20. >Word for word.
  21. "Fantastic," you replied, like normal. It was beyond your comprehension how this horse could not detect the sarcasm dripping from your voice.
  22. >"Now that we're done, we'll begin the next series tomorrow," she told you, ejecting the DVD from the TV and putting it away. "We only have fifteen more DVDs to go through! To think that's five less than yesterday!"
  23. Your only response was to mutter, "Yeah, crazy," as your hand clenched the arm of the couch harder.
  24. >"I'm excited to see which new stories we'll get from these next ones! Let's start with...this one tomorrow," she said, using her magic to float a DVD to you.
  25. >The cover had a stereotypical drama-romance image, with the inevitable lovers-to-be holding each other, eyes closed. You didn't even read the title because you stopped caring after DVD fourteen.
  26. "Sounds good," you lied through your teeth.
  27. >She set the DVD on top of the TV. "I'll leave it there as a reminder that we'll watch that one first."
  28. >What a day tomorrow will be.
  30. >Tomorrow arrives, and you're ready for more soap operas with-
  31. >"Anonymous~"
  32. >You can't even finish your fucking train of thought.
  33. "Come in."
  34. >Celestia walks into your room, a grin on her face.
  35. >"Are you ready for more of those tragic love stories? I'm prepared with extra tissues this time around. Don't worry, I'll share them with you."
  36. >Her obliviousness was astounding.
  37. "Don't worry princess, I don't think I'll need them."
  38. >"Oh Anonymous, it's okay to cry. Let out your emotions. It's never good to bottle them up, you know."
  39. "Uh huh," you idly replied, getting up from your desk, your breakfast finished.
  40. >Exiting the room, Celestia pranced to the lounge while you followed slowly, sulking at the thought of going through ANOTHER soap opera.
  41. >When you arrived, you performed your usual routine.
  42. >Approach couch.
  43. >Turn around.
  44. >Sit down.
  45. >Await pain.
  46. >Celestia went through her routine as well.
  47. >Pick up DVD from TV.
  48. >Put it in.
  49. >Bounce to couch giddily, remote in her magic.
  50. >"Round twenty three with these things! Are you excited, Anonymous?"
  51. "Can't contain it."
  52. >However, when the DVD menu came on, something seemed amiss.
  53. >The menu was a bit more...saucy.
  54. >Instead of the usual boring drama music with a still image of the main characters locking eyes romantically, there was a picture of the couple making out while a saxophone played in the background.
  55. >Celestia payed this no mind, and hit play.
  56. >The film started normally, and in walked the generic male character.
  57. >"Denise!" he cried, finding the body of a woman lying on the couch and running towards it.
  58. >The woman, who was apparently asleep, awoke to the sound of her lover's voice. She looked up, and gave him a very seductive grin.
  59. >"Gavin, you've returned!"
  60. >At her statement, the stereotypical "duuuUUUN" sound of the organ played.
  61. >"Yes, and I have finally beaten Rodrick at his own game. He's sitting in prison now, and he'll be in court by next week."
  62. "Psst, Celestia," you said, trying to get her attention.
  63. >"What is it?"
  64. "Does something seem off to you about this?"
  65. >"Like what?"
  66. "Like the characters. Don't you think they'd try to tell us who these people are and how they fit into the story so far?"
  67. >Celestia shrugged. "I'm confident they'll get around to that. I'm just glad we're getting to the juicy bit already."
  68. >"Gavin, I think you're finally ready. You have proven yourself worthy to wed me."
  69. >Gavin took Denise in his arms, kissing her. When he finishes, Denise smiles slyly.
  70. >"Of course, we can also skip that and get to the good part."
  71. >"duuuUUUN!"
  72. >"You're giving me an offer I can't refuse. All this just for Rodrick's imprisonment?"
  73. >Denise responded by running her finger down Gavin's body until she reached his pelvis.
  74. >"Of course. How else would I reward someone who defeated my ex and former boss?"
  75. "duuuUUUN!"
  76. >None of this was making sense to you, and for the first time, you were invested, moreso to find out why the fuck this was so awkwar- oh she's taking off her shirt.
  77. >"This...is new," Celestia remarked.
  78. >As the couple began stripping themselves of their clothes, you decided to pick up the DVD case and take a look at it.
  79. >"Star-Crossed Fuckers".
  80. >Holy shit, was this-
  81. >"AAAhhh~"
  82. >You immediately looked up to find Gavin caressing Denise's naked body, he himself also naked.
  83. >Holy shit this is a porno.
  84. >And a bad one at that.
  85. >Why the fuck did your mother not inform you of this?
  86. >"I...oh my," Celestia squeaked, a blush forming on her face.
  87. >Onscreen, Gavin grinned as Denise began to massage his dick, eventually opening her mouth and taking the D.
  88. >Shitty porno music played in the background as Gavin made stupid faces, then jizzed all over Denise's face.
  89. >She swallowed the load, then shot a sultry look at Gavin.
  90. >"You know, as Rodrick's successor, I thought you'd last longer."
  91. >"duuuUUUN!"
  92. >"You want long, Denise? I'll show you long."
  93. >What happened next left both you and Celestia absolutely stupefied.
  94. >Gavin, in his naked glory, bent over, took some pills out of his discarded pants' pocket, consumed them, and laughed as his penis grew four inches longer via shitty special effects.
  95. >"It's a good thing Rodrick runs an instant penis extender business, huh?" he told Denise before slamming it into her slit.
  96. >"This...this..." Celestia was at a loss for words.
  97. >As Gavin pumped away at Denise's pussy, you could only stifle your laughter as Celestia could only watch, her jaw agape and her eyes wide.
  99. >"duuuUUUN!"
  100. >This was written by a monkey.
  101. >"ARGGGGH!"
  102. >Gavin pulled out of Denise just as he was about to cum.
  104. >And so he did. Jizz hilariously flew from Gavin's dick onto Denise's stomach.
  105. >Celestia was still speechless, almost frozen at this display.
  106. >"Where'd you learn that phrase from, Gavin," Denise asked, taking the cum onto her finger and licking it.
  107. >"From me."
  109. >The camera pans to another naked man who looks eerily similar to Denise.
  110. >"Bartholomew!?" Gavin shouted.
  111. >"Brother!?" Denise followed.
  112. >"duuuUUUN!"
  113. >"Yes. It's me. I'm here to prove my superiority over you, Gavin."
  114. >What the fuck was the plot of this entire thing, a pissing match?
  115. >"Not if I show how much better I am!" shouted Gavin, who stuffed his already-erect-again dick into Denise's mouth.
  116. >"Oh no you don't!" came Bartholomew as he ran over to Denise before sticking it in her pooper.
  117. >The scene, two men spitroasting a woman, one of them the woman's brother, was too much for Celestia, who turned the DVD off.
  118. >"Haha, well, wasn't that something?" she asked, taking the DVD out of the TV. "I sure can't wait to see what they do with that in the next season! Haha."
  119. >She put the DVD away, and left the case out in the open, which was uncharacteristic of her.
  120. "You don't even want to know what happens after that?" you teased.
  121. >She brought out another DVD, this time looking it over, before putting it into the TV.
  122. >"I-I think I'm fine, haha, I'm fine."
  123. >As she came back to the couch, she hit play on the remote and in about ten minutes or so, was back to her calm self.
  124. >However, about an hour into the show, she began asking where Gavin, Denise, and Bartholomew were.
  125. >"I mean, even though that was lewd, they wouldn't just ignore that, would they? Wouldn't they have at least mentioned them?"
  126. >As Celestia continued to question the continuity of the show, you smiled to yourself.
  127. >Even if you had to sit through more of this shit, that moment alone made this entire thing worth it.
  128. >Never before had you seen Celestia so embarrassed.
  129. >Before, you just sat through this to be nice to the princess.
  130. >Now you're filled with vigor, eagerly awaiting to see if your mom accidentally (or not) stashed another porno in that collection.
  131. >Fourteen more DVDs.
  132. >You could manage.
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