On Makoto Niijima, and Persona 5

Okay, so... I want to preface this with- I don't think this is a major issue. I'm not having a mental break, I'm not tired of you and your company. But communication is important, and you're the only one I think truly grasps that.

I won't/can't talk about Makoto Niijima with you. You've essentially guilted me into that, on purpose or not. I don't expect an apology, you were merely expressing how you felt. But it's still a thing. This is the first time I feel as if I can't share something close to me with you. Because, half the time I want to talk about the game, I want to talk about her. And half the time I want to talk about her, I want to talk about the game.

It's a terribly frustrating and distancing feeling to have, no matter how many times you tell me I can talk about it. It's as if the lock has been set, but I forgot the password.

Earlier, I began a voice clip series talking about how I feel the small things in a character really develop them more than the big things. And, I was using Makoto as an example. But three minutes into my second voice clip on it, and I deleted it. I didnt want to talk about Makoto with you.

And, sure, I could talk about her anyhow. I could push it, and try to show you how much I deeply care for this artificial personality tied to a small variety of portrait shots, and two 3-D models. But... why? Not only would it frustrate you, but at that point it would be disingenuous to tell that story. Not because I'd be lying, but because the energy and, for lack of a better word- passion- would be gone.

And so, it brings up a few issues. I brought this up with Matt, and Matt says he doesnt see how it's an issue for either of us. I shouldnt feel comppelled to speak of it, but you should have no aversion to listening to it. And, while I agree with him. This clearly isnt the case.

You, on purpose or not, made it abundantly clear you had no interest in hearing about her. And actively pushed me not to. Maybe I took this too personal, I dunno. But now even though I want to, I really want to NOT also.

On the other hand, I should be able to not speak of her and feel no negativity for it. And, while I'd argue I can, clearly it's been bothering me. It's not that I want to make you feel inferior to her, or bother you. I genuinely want to share my enthusiasm with the one person who seems(ed) to have understood it. But as time passes, you seem less and less interested in listening to those stories. At least when it comes to 2-D girls.

And, honestly I don't blame you. I'm not a very good listener, but if I were you I'd be telling me to shut up by now. I hardly listen to your tales as it is, it seems.

It's just, very, very unfortunate. My life is Work, Persona, Health needs (sleep, eat) right now. I dont know when that will end, and the after glow of a game is when that passion tends to be at it's strongest for me. So, to have to bottle up such a large part of my life from you is... well it sucks.

Anyhow, I know you. You're gonna apologize (don't please). You're gonna tell me to talk to you about it, that you WANT to hear about it. But, at this point, I know you dont. So that's likely off the table.

I just thought you should know how I feel about it, since it seems to be a gnawing feeling as of late. And, in my experience with my parents, gnawing feelings grow into arguments.

So, yea.