Girls are doing all the fellows’ jobs now,
This is another job the men will want back when they come home,
Cause vintage world war one lesbians are the best lesbians,

My family doesn’t mess around when it comes to christmas cookies,
Sorry is your family a small country,

And i got to sit in the back of the theater for like the last 15 minutes of the movie, and i heard quite a lot of sobbing, which i found encouraging,
Proof that authors feed off our misery,

Grandma it’s me anastasia,
Oh my god i’m crying,

Can’t wait for the final boss battle of duolingo when you fight the 50 foot owl armed with nothing but your wits, a sword, and your shaky grasp of verb conjugations,
Oh my god, duel lingo,

Why is it even called tumblr, what does it even mean,
Tumblr, life,
Oh my god,
We’ve hit the fourth wall,

Uh oh sisters, cuts the chain holding up the chandelier, sending it careening into the audience,
This sounds like something that would happen in icarly,
The post was about phantom of the opera but this comment killed me where i stood,

Your characters are like geodes,
If you want to see what they’re really made of,
You must break them,
This is the best writing tip i’ve heard in ages,
Rebecca sugar may have taken this a little too seriously,

Dimitri, do you really think i’m royalty,
You know i do,
Then stop bossing me around,
He has a shots fired notebook i’m so done,

People with a d h d either have a messy room because stuff’s lying around everywhere but you have a system or a perfectly clean room because you hyper fixated on cleaning yesterday, there’s no in-between,

I knew you were trouble when you walked in,
Now i’m lion on the cold hard ground,
Who do you think you are,
Running round leaving scars,

Today in social studies we were talking about ships,
And my teacher was like what makes ships sink,
And some kid shouted when others ship have a canon,
And i realized,

Cat brains are so small but they fit so much bastard into them,

Man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail,
Police say the florida man led them on quite a chase,
Priorities,

Every cat human relationship,

This anime mona lisa is in my library help,
Moe lisa,
By the great artist leonardo doujinshi,
leonardo doujinshi,

Poison is a magical transmutation potion that transforms people into corpses,
This knife is actually a magic wand,
Meet me in the denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel,
Cock gun, magic missile,

A fricking wild guinea pig,
Playing in a flock of butterflies,
How can anyone be sad when this exists,

Electron microscope video of a needle on a vinyl record,
How,
Like you can tell me all you want how the sound is stored in the grooves but fricking how,
How does that get into the needle,
How are the vibrations turned into music that you can hear,
How,

Ice age 69,
The squirrel chases a different kind of nut,
Like a cashew,
Yeah,

Does anyone else remember these,
Are those zhu zhu pets,
I thought this was some kind of weird collective fever dream,

Why i do toilet paper the wrong way,
That’s valid,
Okay i’ll accept that, but you’re on thin ice,

Math ruins you,
Yesterday i read l o l as absolute value of o,
I am surely going insane, thanks math,
L o l,

Therapist, and what do we say when life disappoints us,
Me, called it,
Therapist, no,

I just had a nightmare that i was two hours late for school and my dad was yelling at me about it, i woke up in a panic and remembered, oh wait, it’s saturday,
And laid back down, feeling the panic dissolve,
Then, ten seconds later, i’m 31,
The lasting psychological effects of school are very prominent,

F y i the name dennis is derived from dionysus, that is all,
This means, denny’s,
Denny’s is absolutely the domain of a god of chaos and revelry,

Farmers, what is she doin out there,
Me, in a corn field, banging two pots together, it would be a shame if i were to get abducted right now,

Not being able to identify your own emotions be like, i’m in a mood, a moody mood, the kind of mood that feels, moody,
Mood,
Flails hands around, emotions,

The fact that there are animals who can see colors that i can’t which means that there are colors that exist that it is literally impossible for me to envision is such fricking bullcrap that i wanna rip open a couch and eat it,
Humans have 3 types of rods for processing color, red green and blue,
Mantis shrimp have 16,

So anyway my sisters have this game where they randomly call out the number of nipples in the room,
Game rules,
1, count the number of nipples, including those of fetuses and inhuman mammals, and announce the number only,
2, do not explain the context to anyone that asks,

Honestly, thanks i hate it, is one of the funniest phrases in the english language,
I one time told my italian professor, grazie lo detesto, and she lost her crap, so it’s not just english,
It just packs so much meaning into such short concepts,

New cat features,
1, dexterous little hands to better commit atrocities against god,
At last,

I like the idea of having a step by step schedule, like breakfast at x time, study at x time, etcetera,
But who’s gonna regulate that crap, me, that beach is a toddler,

Froggo,

This is the best distance to photograph toads from,
Stranger in the mist,

The pose, the power, the presence,

Mood, the face chris evans makes when his picture is being taken at a red carpet event,

O m g i just realized why mario and luigi are red and green,
How i didn’t see that i’m so stupid,
Oh, oh, oh,
And why their clothes turn white when you get the power up,
Oh, oh, oh,

I am a sexy vampire but my wife is an even sexier werewolf,
Our budget is 50 million, welcome to house hunters,

I am in control of my emotions,
Sobs,
Guys if this ain’t my life though,

When your friend is venting to you and you get angry on their behalf,
Therapissed,

All i really want from my life is a legitimate reason to pin a bunch of photos and newspaper fragments on a huge cork board and connect them with long strings of yarn,

I talk a lot of crap for someone who’s scared to make a phone call to be honest,

Dare, return every text you get today with a phone call,
Why the frick did you call me,
What the frick,
Because a piece of gum told me to,

Thank you sir,
Don’t call me sir,
Thank you ma’am,
You should reblog this every time it’s on your dash,

Will bite,
My co-worker brought her dog to work,
Me,

Iowa fashion week begins,
Runway models show off the hottest new iowa fashions,
Legitimately one of my favorite onion articles,

When he gets in the tub, sometimes he purrs so loud that the shampoo bottles fall over,
True power,

Sheet music is basically a sound recipe,
Stop it right now,

Free my boys,
Sirius i think we really fricked up this time,
Reblogging for that comment,

Worm immortality tem,
That’s the motherfricker that won’t let me die,

Do you ever just violently dislike having body parts,
Too restricting, i would like to shapeshift,

Gorillas can be killed by land mines placed along forest paths,
I was reading wikipedia about threats to gorilla conservation and i am deeply ashamed to admit that the mental image upon reading that a gorilla could step on a landmine made me laugh,
This reads like a video game loading screen,
Gorillas can be killed by land mines placed along forest paths,

That isn’t how it works little one,
He’s only a baby, he’ll learn,

Polyethylene Tetra Phthalate eh macarena,
Why am i laughing so fricking hard help,
I laughed too hard not to reblog this,
It’s too funny i don’t mind it being on my art blog,

Watches recipe in cookbook,
Okay so i need 3 eggs,
Walks over the frigde,
3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs 3 eggs,
Opens fridge,
Wait was it 2 eggs,
Fricking me,

Grandma caterpillar putting on lipstick,
Took me a minute,
Yeah, but when it does, you can’t unsee it,

I decided to talk to the police,
Don’t do that,
Good advice,
What the frick,

Scaliger castle, sirmione italy,
Try building it on land next time you stupid italians,
Try to frick off you ignorant beach,
Whoa mamma mia cunt,

Alternate universe where bones are called something slightly different,
Breaks leg, argh, my boings,

Types of stard,
Mu, ba,
Cum,
It has just come to my attention that auto-complete turned cu into cum,
I meant to say custard,

Honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying,

Me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a pina colada, maurice, you’re not gonna fricking believe this,