Relationship Advice Anime Dude
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- UPDATE: My [24M] boyfriend [27M] has turned into an anime character and I'm not sure what to do anymore.(self.relationship_advice)
- submitted 13 hours ago * by ThrowRALoveless
- to r/relationship_advice
- Original post for context: https://removeddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dbcfke/my_24m_boyfriend_27m_has_turned_into_an_anime
- Saying the last couple of days was wild would be an understatement. That same day I made the original thread I stuck true to my word and talked to him about this during dinner. I made his favorite in order to ease the blow but I essentially came at him with the most blunt but nice way I could put it (thanks to the help of you lovely people). I basically told him that I'm happy that his life has improved drastically since this change but I really do miss who I originally fell in love with and I wasn't sure I could keep this charade up. There was a lot of crying from myself only and he kept his cool and composure as Soubi would. In all honesty it made me more upset. Our fights, although rare, would sometimes turn into a shouting match because he'd usually get really upset and fire back at me. Now he's calm, gentle, understanding, and it progressively upset me more and more. Yet he continued comforting me which only made it worse. It's weird how you when you love someone you even miss the bad parts about them when they go away.
- After a while I calmed down. The two biggest takeaways from the conversation were that even if he found someone who was fictionkin to Ritsuka he wouldn't leave me for them because that was another life and, in this life, he has me now. This is important later. The second was that he himself felt that all his life he was putting on a mask and only behaving as people expected him to; including me. He claims he never really felt 100% truly comfortable in his own skin and this awakening was like a switch that needed to be turned on and now he feels like himself for the first time in his entire life. He then told me he understands that I signed up to date the man I fell in love with not Soubi and he wouldn't blame me for leaving.
- I couldn't blame him either. The truth is I know what that feels like. I was raised a very sheltered life and didn't really have a personality because of it. I only started coming out of my shell during my college years when I moved out of state to live on my own. I still find the fact it took a cartoon for this to finally make him realize it really concerning and I still didn't like that it was such a drastic change and I worry about his mental health. He assures me he is fine. I slept on it and I felt moderately better the next day. I decided at that point I was going to just try and change my perspective and adjust to this life. I love the guy. I want to at least try and make it work.
- Over the next few days my distain for this Soubi thing died down. I was starting to feel attracted to him again. I started really liking how sweet and soothing he'd become. I'd get twinges of missing the old him here and there but as days went on it definitely became easier to move on from them now and focus on my new life now.
- Then... Sunday night happened.
- On Saturday afternoon he came home work and told me that he'd like me to meet some of his new friends that he's made over the last several months. He told me that a lot of them are just like him. They are kin to some type of animal, spirit, fictional character or they're transgender and it's like a support group in a way. It was a lot to throw at me but I decided, hey, I might as well see these other people like him so I can understand their culture better. He was happy and immediately got on his phone to message the discord group they have. The plan was to have people over tomorrow night for dinner and he wanted to cook.
- Sunday rolls around and he told me that only one of them can make it. No big deal. I played a little bit of Spyro as he cooked. His guest finally showed up sometime during the evening and I went to answer the door. The person I see before me is this really young androgynous teenager. At the time I couldn't tell if they were a boy or a girl. I later found out they were a female to male transgender man so, for the sake of making this easier, I'll be referring to them as male. He makes no eye contact with me when I open the door. He's glancing to the side clearly way too shy to even look in my general direction. I ask him his name and mumbles it. I didn't ask again and just invited him in. My boyfriend greets him with... a pat on the head. Weird. This guy just stands idlely leaning on the banister in the hallway still looking like he hates being here. Also weird. I invited him to come sit on the couch with me and play Spyro while my boyfriend finishes cooking. He sat down and said nothing just watching the screen as I played. I offered him the controller but he brushed it off. He just watched and nothing more. He didn't even pull out a cellphone or anything like most kids his age would do. I mean, hell, I'm in my mid 20s and I'm addicted to my phone.
- My boyfriend finished cooking and we all sat down to eat. His guest would not talk to me at all, but every time he spoke to him he would illicit some type of response from his guest. What bothered me was how flirtatious it all seemed. My boyfriend would make remarks like, "You'd be even cuter if you smiled more," or how he would love for him more lively like he is when they hang out. His guest didn't really say anything but his face would often say it all. It was a mixed bag of embarrassment but liking it at the same time. I was confused and I felt really uncomfortable. He tried to encourage his guest to talk to me and tell me about himself but he wouldn't say anything other than what high school they were going to. Yes, high school. First red flag.
- After dinner we decided to sit on the couch and watch a movie together. I sat next to boyfriend, obviously, but his guest sat next to him on the other side and I don't mean just casually sitting next to him. I mean he was as close as I was with their hips touching. Second red flag. As I was fidgeting with the menus my boyfriend was trying to comfort his guest. He was talking to him about how he shouldn't be afraid of me, that he can relax in our home, and was petting his head and stroking his hair. Third red flag. I was really not liking this at all and getting increasingly more upset. I went to grab my phone to distract myself and that's when I noticed that my boyfriend was holding his guest's hand and was gliding his thumb on the back of this dude's hand!
- I flipped. And when I say I flipped I mean I legitimately got up and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" My boyfriend sighed. He said he was hoping me and his guest could have hit it off better but it was clear his guest wasn't "ready." What kind of fucking response is that?! I was fuming. I said I didn't care about that and wanted to know why he was flirting with an underage kid much less with anyone other than me! His guest bolted out the door by this point. My boyfriend stood up, faced me, but kept his eyes looking at the floor apologizing, saying he had this whole idea planned out and asked me to calm down so he could explain it. I put on a mask and pretended I calmed down but I was still fucking furious.
- Apparently this guest of his, this 17 year old female to male transgender kid, was someone from his friendship circle that is fictionkin to Ritsuka; Soubi's 12 year old lover from the anime. There was never any intention of seeing anyone else; at least not yet. His plan was to get me to hit it off with this fucking kid, have a few more get togethers done, and he would then propose the idea of starting a polyamorous relationship with him, me and my boyfriend once I grew closer to the kid so I'd be more open to it. I felt fucking sick to my stomach. All I could see was red. I was screaming and yelling at my boyfriend for lying to me about his true intentions, that even if I were okay with poly the kid is underage, and he's sick for grooming a child like that.
- In his defense he did apologize for trying to trick me. However he started making excuses saying he wasn't grooming the kid, he was expressing the same love he always gave Ritsuka, the same love he gave Semei (Soubi's original lover in the anime) that Semei told him to give Ritsuka should anything happen to him, and he would never take advantage of him and would wait until he is ready, that he was turning 18 soon anyway, etc. I told him that's not okay. He's late 20s and shouldn't be trying to date fucking high schoolers! He had the audacity to say that age is just a number and I damn near put my hand through a fucking wall... I'm sorry. I'm getting way too angry remembering all this. But I don't want to rewrite it. I had take a few deep breaths to finally get even close to speaking levels again. I then asked him what happened to the whole, "You'd never leave me for a Ritsuka fictionkin" thing. He assured me again he still wouldn't ultimately leave me for someone else but reminded me about the other day when he told me that he still misses Ritsuka and he thought maybe we could all be together.
- He wanted the best of both worlds. I feel betrayed and manipulated. The more and more I replay what happened the more I begin to suspect the people who claimed he was abusing me were right. It's a repeated pattern too. He kept me in the dark about his whole Soubi transformation and now this? I went upstairs, packed up a duffle bag with some essentials, and left the house, got in my car, and made the 18 hour trip to my parent's house. He never once tried to stop me. I think he understands the gravity of what he did. The only thing I got from him was a text message saying he was sorry. When I got to my parent's house I gave them the cliff notes version; Something happened, I haven't slept since Saturday night, and I need to crash. It's 7:30 am and I'm now mustering up the courage to get out of bed tell my folks everything that happened.
- I've calmed down after sleeping but I still don't know what I'm going to do. In all honesty I may not even provide another update. Doing this was more of a cathartic thing than it was seeking for advice and because I was asked to make an update.
- Thank you for all of those who gave me such helpful advice. I think I'm going to just move on, break up with him, and find someone who isn't fucking deranged. I love you all. I wish you all good health and happiness in your futures.
- Signing off.
- Edit: Firstly thank you guys for all your support. Secondly I only wanted to make this update to state I will be notifying the local authorities once I go back to get my stuff from his house. I don't know when that will be as I need space but I definitely will.
- Edit #2: I'm making this edit in response to those who are saying my words about the kid were out of line and transphobic. I agree. I'm sorry about that. It was poor word choice on my part. I admit that and take full responsibility. I do not hate nor am I disapproving of transgender people in any way. You lot are awesome and you keep doing what you are doing. I have made edits to that part. Thank you and I am sorry again to anyone I offended.
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