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  1. He tells me I am irrelevant
  2. A now nameless face to his sea of haunted memories
  3. I am almost grateful
  4. He must think that I am dead
  5. A name shelved into the back of his mind,
  6. he still calls me mouse.
  7. I think, somewhere,
  8. he still knows who I am.
  9. A man, 28 years old,
  10. barely able to function
  11. the cancer has taken his liver, his brain and his lungs.
  12. His legs do not move on their own,
  13. paralysis has set in,
  14. and yet,
  15. he is still refusing chemo.
  16. He tells me that a monster should learn when to die.
  17. A monster should know when his time has expired,
  18. when the meat is too rotten to hold on.
  19. For a moment,
  20. though it sickens me to hear it,
  21. I don’t want to,
  22. but I laugh.
  23. My mind flashing back to the times we stayed up all night watching Hannibal
  24. and I see it.
  25. He isn’t a monster,
  26. neither of them ever were.
  27. Though he never devoured his victims.
  28. He crushed us,
  29. ground us to dust and I //see//.
  30. We were to him the same as he was to us.
  31. A drug.
  32. High on the dust of our bones floating through the atmosphere,
  33. he got his fix while giving us ours.
  34. High on the adrenaline in our veins,
  35. We got our fix while giving him his.
  36. He takes me by the hand in my dreams,
  37. holding my body against his with the air we breathed,
  38. he held me softly.
  39. And for the first time in our lives,
  40. we felt whole.
  41. His cracks filled with the molten lava of my pulverised soul,
  42. giving me a home,
  43. he looks me in the eye and he tells me he loves me.
  44. We felt whole.
  45. And for the first time in our lives,
  46. He knew he meant it.
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