Button's Clues (Unfinished)

It had started out as a great day for me. The sun was bright and shiny, the skies were blue, the birds were singing, and I had just helped to capture a filly! My promotion was surely guaranteed now, I had helped bring in the very first filly to be put on trial! Sweetie Belle wasn’t easy to catch, either. I had to trick her to get her to walk where we could grab her. But we did it! We brought her in, had her all ready to go, and then…well…

It all went down the drain when the door flew open. Miss Cheerilee, Miss Gusty, /and/ Sweetie’s Mom were all standing there. And they looked mad. Really mad. Like, madder than just normal mad. All us colts scattered once it sank in we had been caught. I managed to get away, and wiped my mane in relief before trotting on home.

Things really got worse when I got home, though. My mom was standing there, looking at me like I was a horrible villain in a cartoon. She told me Miss Cheerilee had called her and told her what happened. So I did the only thing any sensible colt would do. I ran. I ran like the wind, but then I tripped over my Joyboy.

Then she was over me, glaring down as she shook her head. “Button, I don’t even know what to say! I don’t know what came over you and all those other foals, but to do that to poor Sweetie Belle? You can just forget about playing video games for the next two months, young colt!” she barked at me.

Two months…two months without saving the villagers! Without fighting a dragon! Without farming in a valley filled with stardews! I had no choice. I did what I had to do. I bargained with great dignity, arguing my side with wit and cleverness.

“Please, Mooommm, not that! Anything but that! I’ll take a spanking, just don’t take away my gaaa-aahhhmmmesss!!!!! Anything!”

My words had an effect. Mom looked down at me, frowned, and then nodded. “Alright. If you’re sure, then don’t go straight to bed after your bath. We’ll take care of it then.” She said.

Oh sun, what did I get myself into?

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It was a cloudy, overcast evening. I had taken my bath, eaten my dinner, and was slowly climbing the stairs to my bedroom, knowing certain doom awaited my flank when I got there. So I was taking my sweet time. If it was gonna happen, I wanted to wait as long as possible. Maybe Mom would get tired and go to sleep if I just stalled for long enough! It could happen…

“Button!” her voice called out, sealing my impending execution. I decided not to make her angrier and rushed into my bedroom, only to find her sitting on the bed with her hairbrush sitting right next to her. I paled She’d never used the hairbrush on me before. Maybe it was a bluff…I hoped it was a bluff.

Mom was patting her leg, so I gulped and hurried over, climbing up next to her and giving her a big hug and a kiss. “I love you, Mom!” I said, hoping it might soften the upcoming blows.

No such luck. “I love you too, sweetie, but you asked me to spank you, and I’m going to. Now, get down where you need to be, and let’s get this over with.” She told me, kissing my cheek back. When I showed no sign of moving, she gently grabbed me and laid me down, pinning my tail to my back.

I didn’t struggle. Not much. And I didn’t cry either. Not…not until I saw her reach out and pick up the hairbrush. I may have shed a few tears then. “Not the brush, Mom! Not the brush!”

But nothing I said moved her. I saw her pick the brush up. I felt her shift her legs slightly, holding me tight on them. Then came the first spank.

“AAOOWWWW!” I yelped out as the hairbrush smacked into my left cheek, then my right. Mom wasn’t pulling any punches on this one. I stayed still, though, keeping my struggling to a minimum as I felt the sting of spanks three and four connect. This was going to be a bad night for me.

Mom just kept spanking me, concentrating on my poor flank as she turned it a bright red. Soon I couldn’t control myself anymore, and I broke down crying. It’s not girly to cry when it hurts so much, we all cry when we get spanked! And Mom was spanking me even harder now, making me dance and wiggle on her lap as the brush kept slapping my poor butt.

Finally, I couldn’t take it, and I tried to thrash off her lap. I got off, but she grabbed me and hauled me right back up. I knew I was in for it then…she crossed her legs under me and started spanking my sit spots.

I was just howling by that point, screaming and squirming hard, but Mom was much too strong. I couldn’t escape…and it was my fault. I had asked for this. And I was the one who caught Sweetie too.

Mom’s next spank interrupted my thoughts as she began spanking me faster. Now I couldn’t even count the individual swats, it was just a burning sensation building up all over my butt, dragging more tears out of me until finally…

“I’m sorry, Mommy! I’m sorry!” I cried, begging her to stop.

And she did. The moment I said that, I heard her toss the brush back down and then felt her hooves under my belly, lifting me up into a hug as she nuzzled and held me close, rubbing my back. “I know you are, Button. But I’m not the pony you need to apologize to. Tomorrow, I want you to go and say you’re sorry to Sweetie Belle, and to Miss Cheerilee as well. Understand?”

After I told her I did, she just held me for a while before tucking me into bed and reading to me. Then, right as I was about to fall asleep, she smiled. “I love you, Button.”

“Love you too, Mom.” I said, rolling onto my belly and trying to sleep.

Both of us jumped, though, at the next sound we heard. A filly yelling in pain and the repeated sound of smacking. And it sounded like Sweetie Belle!

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It was a dark and stormy night, and my flank was burning like the fire in my heart. But I heard something, and it sounded like trouble. And I know trouble when I hear it. Especially when “it” is the sound of a poor little filly getting her flank tanned after we colts had tanned it for her earlier.  The question was, who would do such a vile thing as to spank a poor filly whose bottom was already sore?
This, I decided, was a job for me.

The smacks and cries had long since faded by morning, but then, I wouldn’t be much of a private eye if I needed a clear trail to follow. I already knew this was gonna be a tough case…the dame wasn’t gonna talk to me easy. Not after I dragged her in for questioning just the day before. Turns out I’d fingered the wrong filly…she had some goons to protect her. Not to mention when my landlord found out about the whole thing, I wound up with my flank in some serious hot water.

But a detective’s gotta do what a detective’s gotta do. I went over to my desk, pulling out my notes on the dame in question. I’d recognize those cries anywhere, after hearing them so much yesterday. The smoke from my gummy cigar mixed with the sweet smell of the air freshener mom put in my room as I leaned over.

Yeah, that’s me. The ‘Stache. Private Eye extraordinaire. I got eight slugs in me to help keep me going, seven apple juice, and one of cider I swiped when mom wasn’t watching. If business was as good as I was at my job, I’d have been playing Shadows of Equestria all day. As it was, I had to deal with a landlord who made me go to school every day until Summer came around.

But enough about that…I had a case to solve. Who would be so cruel and so callous as to paddle a poor filly who had already caught it across the flank? It was my job to catch the vile criminal and bring justice to THEIR rear end!

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The first stop was at Sweetie’s house, where, as expected, I got the door slammed in my face. That was fine, I didn’t need the dame’s help to solve this case. I’d solved plenty of crimes where the victim stayed locked up, safe and sound away from the grittiness of the real world.

But right now, I needed clues and answers…who did it? Why did they do it? What did they use on that poor marshmallow bum? Where did it happen?

I had a feeling that before this was all over, I was gonna be sorry I asked…

My first suspect…Rarity. Miss White and Fabulous herself…oh, she had the motive alright. All the stories I had heard of Sweetie Belle causing her trouble, snipping her fabric, messing up her shop. It was a pretty clear case right there. Now all I had to do was prove it. And that would be tricky…the dame was talkative, even for a girl. If I went in there, I risked having my ears talked off, hearing about fashion for hours as she tried to fit me into a suit. It had happened before on a different case…and Mom made me wear the suit to Hearth’s Warming Parties now!

Still, I had to find out somehow if she had been up to anything. So I strode into her shop, sizing the place up. I knew from before that it echoed, and could easily have carried the sound of poor Sweetie’s cries all over town. And all around I saw things that could easily have been used to immobilize the poor unsuspecting filly for a good hoof spanking. Ribbons, tight dresses, pins and needles, and even a faux leather belt hanging from the mouth of a manequine. That last, I realized, could easily have been the murder weapon!

Er…spanking weapon. But it was still murder to a flank, so murder weapon!

“Button Mash! What brings you here at this early hour? I’m not even open yet.” The dame called out as she descended her stairs, looking like some kind of wannabe queen out of a fairytale. She was always like that, though, posing for some imaginary photographer.

I pressed my case, but the dame wouldn’t crack…said she had an alibi. Said she’d been at home, asleep when it happened. A likely story, and I told her so…asked if she had any witnesses who could verify she’d been in bed at that time. Was there anyone in bed with her?

At that point, she chased me out with that self-same belt, but not before I caught a glimpse of a red mark on her flank, one that perfectly matched her suspected tool. Hmm…so, I had Rarity and a belt as my first clues in the case.

My next target was Rainbow Dash, the Peacock-Maned Pegasus. Speedster extraordinaire, wannabe Wonderbolt, and general all-around pain-in-the-butt. I didn’t know her motive, but I knew she was fast enough to have done it and gotten away with it, so she was automatically a suspect. Unfortunately I had no way of getting up to her house…so I just wrote her down in my book of suspects and walked on. I didn’t really wanna talk to her anyways, she was annoying.

Next on the agenda…Anon. Mr. Green Question Face. Who needed a reason when you were supposedly a weird alien being from another world. Plus, with those…hands…of his…I paused in my narration to dodge Miss Heartstrings in the street, standing around and yelling about aliens…wait, who was yelling about aliens?

Oh, right! Anon, I needed to see anon!

I galloped over to his house on the outskirts of town. No known but multiple possible motives, definite murder weapon, isolated location. I thought maybe I had my guy. There he was, sitting on the porch and guarding a pie. Probably from theft by Officer Soarin, I had heard about what happened between them before.

I slowed to a walk, and headed over to him. We did the usual introductory things, then I found myself with a plump piece of purple pie right in front of me. Mom always taught me never turn down a gift! So I took a little needed time off my investigation to devour the offered plate of pastry.

Once he and I were finished, I cut the word my mom won’t let me say yet and got down to brass tacks. I asked Anon where he had been last night. Jackpot! He hadn’t been home, he was out at the Ponyville Knightclub, hanging out with some of the royal guard and watching them joust in the arena below. So I asked him if anypony could verify his story…when he asked why, I told him it was for a confidential investigation. He laughed and said I was so cute, talking like a big pony…I hate that! I know big words because I play video games, and they use a lot of big words! You can’t beat a Final Fantasy game if you can’t read!

Either way, I thanked him for his time and headed on…the skies were getting dark again, rain starting to patter on the rooftops. I was thirsty from that warm, sweet pie, so I drew my coat around me and pulled my hat down over my head, straightening my moustache on my face. I needed a clue, some answers, and a good stiff drink. Sadly, I only knew where I could find one of those.

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“Order up!”

As the glass landed in front of my face, I set my hat down on the table to be polite before picking it up and taking a sip. Strawberry ice cream, whole milk, and plenty of whipped cream on top. Just what the doctor ordered to chase away this old grizzled detective’s worries.

As I sipped and gulped at the drink, being careful to avoid brain freeze, I let my mind drift back and out. You have to think outside the box to solve cases like these, but it takes a special mind to think outside the box that contains the box, like a real detective can. Who could have done this, why, and what would they have accomplished.