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  1. [This is a nice combo of FR creepiness and /tg/ creepiness. I don't know how much of either is genuine, but from what I learned from grognard.txt I suspect "all of it".]
  4. Ed Greenwood discusses the church of Eilistrae, the only "good" drow deity.
  6. >Yes, you heard me right: there now ARE a few males among her church, but to enter it they have all “Danced The Changedance” and spent time as female, just as Mystra caused Elminster to spend time as Elmara - - and for the same reasons: greater understanding and sensitivity of “the life of the other gender.” One cannot truly feel the Divine Dance of Eilistraee PROPERLY except as a female, and so her (still very rare, few, and generally secretive about it) male priests must spend some time as a female (not just for the duration of a ritual, but they must do some everyday living as a female). The most accomplished drow, elf, half-elf, and human male priests seem to feel the need to take female form for some days every few years or so (if they wish to “cleave more fully to the Goddess” and thus rise in levels), and most spend longer and longer times in female form. Not all female priests of the Goddess fully trust the males, and they don’t tend to rise much in the church hierarchy (no matter what character levels they achieve).
  7. _________________________
  9. ^ Oh, I'm well aware.
  10. But Eilistraee's clergy has been kind of on and off as to what fetishes it covers.
  11. Now it includes: being a good submissive wife, being painfully brutal to people and taking control, genderbending, we're talking drow here so odds are their genderbending also delves into dickgirls due to it being easier to dominate other drow with a phallus, drow are naturally bigger than their men, they do a lot of bondage (sin-eaters), and due to them being an underdark race dealing with tentacles is considered a normal day.
  12. Now all they need to do is piss, shit, and fart on each other, as well as some vore and we've covered all of /d/.
  13. Though I suppose if one were to make a literal sin-eater they'd cover vore as well.
  14. _________________________
  16. Honestly, it could be so much worse...
  18. http://i54.tinypic.com/20qi1dy.jpg
  19. _________________________
  21. Some highlights:
  23. * Elminster is an ancient super-wizard who's all shriveled and bearded and yet gets to score with the hottest chicks in the world, who are all so attached to him and how awesome he is that when he's believed dead they can do NOTHING but weep and be lost in sorrow.
  25. *Elminster had to spend years of his life transformed into a hot girl and having a lesbian relationship as part of his training.
  27. * Spellfire was a novel by Greenwood about a young woman given an awesome magical power. The result of her using this power was blasting her own clothes off, constantly leaving her naked and sweaty.
  29. * The goddess Eilistrae is super-good and requires her priestesses to dance naked while worshipping her.
  31. * In any supplement written by greenwood, there is exact information on where in each featured town, village or city one can find the festhall. For reference, festhalls are brothels. Many said books includes [Volo] rating the festhalls in-character, implying he's been trying out the wares all over.
  33. * The Simbul is the most powerful female spellcaster in the realms. She's a white-haired knockout who hates clothes and frequently tears out of them in fits of passion. She also likes transforming into animals and run wild, naked.
  35. There's more, but I'm touching the big things here.
  36. _________________________
  38. On a side note: Does anyone remember the story of some alchemist guild in the FR seeking out rare ingredients from rare creatures?
  39. I believe the story involved three of the members saying they were going on a mission to collect the tears of a nymph.
  40. They stalk her while geared up and wearing the right equipment to protect them from all of her magics as well as her intense beauty... then it turns into a story of gang rape.
  41. And then after they finish explaining their venture and the locks of hair, tears, and other fluids gained, a woman who had come in at the beginning of the meeting reveals herself to be the nymph in question, and due to no one being prepared or having the proper defenses to go against her she proceeds to slaughter them all.
  42. _________________________
  44. In the days of Greenwood controlling the setting every female was one of the following:
  45. A) Incredibly powerful and liked being naked, if not also loving to fuck.
  46. B) Getting sold into sexual slavery.
  47. C) Getting raped.
  48. D) Someone's wife.
  49. or E) Getting involved in content that is only suitable for /d/.
  51. Actually, that's a lie, one of his named NPCs who was a powerful woman who loved to fuck and regularly walked around only in bondage gear, was also married to another named NPC, and at one point when she's possessed by an evil god she goes insane, fucks a lot of dudes, and by the time the god is driven out of her she's pregnant and no one knows who the daddy is.
  52. _________________________
  54. Speaking of which, who else spat their coffee out the first time they read about how a whole branch of the ancient narfell's demonbinders focused solely in research in how to best summon and fuck a succubus without any negative repercussions?
  55. _________________________
  57. ^ A more important question...were they successful?
  58. _________________________
  60. ^ Yes, next time I dig through my FR books I'll find the exact items, but as I recall they made a set of items, where the first one would always successfully summon the type of demon you wanted (make your own magic circle or suffer the consequences), and the other made you immune specifically to a succubus' drain ability, as well as granting a few other demonic immunities.
  61. _________________________
  63. Oh god, that reminds me of Mirt the Moneylender, another Greenwood NPC worked into the official setting.
  65. Mercenary dude, rescues a baby orphan girl from some raid, raises her as his own. Becomes an old, overweight, beardy moneylender.
  67. Discovers his adopted daughter has the hots for him. Resist for a while.
  69. Then shrugs and takes her as his wife, having fat sweaty sex with her every night.
  71. I swear I am not making up a single word of that, it's all in greenwood's writing.
  72. _________________________
  74. Oh yes, and let us all not forget that the great and powerful SHOON is currently residing within the body of a young elf girl (and by young I mean she's underage by elf standards).
  75. To make it better, he/she works for the cowled wizards under the apprenticeship of an attractive human woman.
  76. AND TO MAKE IT EVEN BETTER, the only reason Shoon hasn't done his master plans or anything yet is because his/her master has figured out who he/she really is and is blackmailing him/her (because if Shoon being alive is revealed not only will most archmages be on his/her ass but the dragon that "killed" him the first time will come back to finish the job).
  77. And I have a really hard time imagining this blackmail to be used for something outside of giving herself, and the other cowled wizards the ability to say they used the grand archwizard Shoon as a fuck puppet.
  78. _________________________
  80. I bet the seven sisters were also all futa
  81. _________________________
  83. ^ Well it is canon that girls in the FR tend to use a bit of magic to help them get other girls pregnant... that is how the first Mystra was born afterall.
  84. It would only make sense that the top 7 magic using females could go futa or female at will.
  85. _________________________
  87. Only fat bearded nudists become sex icons in FR in Greenwood's view.
  89. In comparison, unattractive women do not exist in his universe. Anywhere.
  90. _________________________
  92. ^ Yeah, Greenwood even goes out of his way to describe how any women who aren't already ageless are still really hot in their 50's or so.
  93. _________________________
  95. ^ Pretty much this.
  97. Also on the topic of sex icons, wasn't king Azoun IV a sex icon?
  98. He was lean, mean, and has more illegitimate children than Stalin can ever dream of, and was described as still looking in his late 30s as he was reaching his twilight years.
  100. And then his daughter is also mentioned as a sex icon, as during the time she was an adventurer for every head she took from a foe, she also gave head to another guy, if not did more.
  101. Though as I seem to recall it's hinted at that she became a lesbian after (almost?) fucking someone she discovered was her half-brother, and turned the massive floating fortress that she owned into a pleasure palace to entertain her female guests.
  102. _________________________
  104. ^ Azoun has probably nailed every noble daughter in Cormyr at least once. Plus numerous emissaries from foreign powers. And many others.
  106. His daughter takes after him. She has a group of forty to fifty young nobles who follow her around (getting into trouble with her and so on, such as charging into orc encampments and the like). She's slept with pretty much all of them at one point or another. It's not really an issue, since Vangerdahast monitors her and ensures she can't get preggers or the like from it.
  107. _________________________
  109. Ed Greenwood's shit in D&D was always hysterical and full of his fetishes, mostly bondage, transformation (gender changing), and other such stuff.
  111. There were tonnes of Gender Change items in the magic items books apart from the illustrious Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity, like the Dryad Cordial which makes a male go to sleep and gradually turns them into a totally hot chick.
  112. _________________________
  114. So can I have drow girl-cock now?
  115. _________________________
  117. ^ Yes, it went from being canon if you're a matriarch's bitch, to being canon in general.
  118. _________________________
  120. ^ It's mentioned that matriarchs for fun rape the shit out of the other female drow under them, a lot of times with strap-ons or other tools (yes it's canon that the drow discovered how to invent rubber, they also invented gunpowder and a few other things but that's another story), and there's one text that mentions a matriarch who would use magic to grow an extra appendage to make it so when she abused her subjects she still got some pleasure out of intruding upon their most private of locations.
  121. _________________________
  123. ^ It gets especially twisted when you consider that most of a matriarchs seconds and close advisors are her own daughters.
  125. So... yeah. Raping your own child is canon in FR.
  126. _________________________
  128. You are now realizing that even when it was TSR, Greenwood had a massive amount of content that wasn't allowed in.
  130. Think about what that content could've been.
  132. Think, and despair.
  133. _________________________
  135. An ERP game where the players find an Eilistrae cult and all get changed into naked little drow girls...
  138. ....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  139. _________________________
  141. Fear not, dear namefag. There is truth in those words, but /tg/ didn't make them justice.
  142. Certain things, when looked upon from our societie's point of view seems retarded, illegal and/or perverted, but when you force if you put it in the right lights things turn out pretty acceptable.
  144. I mean, had you any knowledge about history? People used to be MARRIED at the age of 13, they had children aroun 16/17 and died early 30s if they were lucky. Pedophily is something that began to exist only around the two last centuries.
  146. Now, please /tg/, review your pov.
  147. _________________________
  149. Greenwood has an agreement that whatever he writes for FR is canon. If WotC breaks that agreement, then they lose the rights to FR and he regains them.
  151. As I remember, he mentioned once that due to the influence of magic (e.g. spells that can prevent pregnancy, stop diseases, and so on and so forth), it's one of the reasons people are more sexually promiscuous than they are in this world and why real world moral standards don't apply all that easily. Included in that is things like age and so on. An elf could quite possibly raise a human from birth to death.
  153. The way he's mentioned portraying the Chosen of Mystra at times is kind of... understandable. They're all people who have been forced to carry divine power in bodies that can only barely tolerate the essence of the goddess (many former Chosen were literally burned up by the power and destroyed, and it was rather painful), and live for longer than any human was meant to. Elminster is more than 1100, Khelben is past 900, and all the Seven Sisters are at least 6-700. They have, for lack of a better term, all gone insane.
  155. Not insane as in destroy the world insane, though. Insane in that Elminster, for example, is an unreliable narrator, so you should take what he says with a grain of salt. They're so desperate for some form of human contact that won't age and die on them the next time they turn around twice that they tend to gravitate towards one another, even in cases like where Elminster raised some of the Seven and wound up with their wanting to jump his bones. They've had other loves in their life, but those other ones are all dead now. Unfortunately, they CAN'T just let themselves go. They're forced to continue onward, alone. Some of them even lose their individuality along with their sanity.
  156. _________________________
  158. ^ It's more complicated than that. I don't know the full details of the agreement, but from what I've puzzled out:
  160. 1) Wizards MUST publish a minimum of one full-length novel written by him each year.
  161. 2) Wizards MUST publish a minimum of one full-length sourcebook on FR by him (or with significant contributions by him) each year.
  162. 3) Wizards MUST at least consult him about changes they make (though they don't have to listen to him, merely take his advice into account).
  163. 4) Wizards MUST treat everything he reveals about the Realms in writing to fans as canon. He has a thread on the Candlekeep.com website where unpublished stuff by him can see the light of day, and it's all automatically canon. Auto-canonicity doesn't apply to things he just mentions at a convention to a fan or the like, however. It must be something that already exists in his notes, however (apparently, he has a basement full of unpublished notes - one author remarked in a novel that when she asked him for a brief set of notes on the War Wizards of Cormyr, he obliged by cutting down the stuff he had on them... to FORTY-NINE A4 PAGES).
  164. 5) If he submits something for publishing to Wizards, he can't subsequently reveal it to fans anyway, because a Non-Disclosure Agreement is put in place. However, they can't just NDA everything - they have to ask him to submit his notes on something first.
  166. Beyond that I'm not sure. I know all the players in his home campaign had to sign over the creative rights to their characters when he sold the setting to TSR, and that carried over to Wizards when they took control.
  167. _________________________
  169. Wonder if we can homebrew some mechanics for this using CoC's mechanics. Indulging in ~your~ perversion raises your SAN (cheers you up), but learning of anyone else's perversions lowers your MAXIMUM SAN. This leads not only to a clean-and-proper victorian era setting in regards to people being prudes about sex, but also sets up Dens of Depravity* that allow the cults to operate.
  170. *Only depravity to people who are not part of the cults themselves.
  171. _________________________
  173. ^ Obviously there will be mutations. It's CoC. But, people making a fetish of a mutation, and deliberately seeking the mutation (even to the extent of self-harm or exposure to the mind-breaking shit of the Old ones) would fuck with your head.
  175. Imagine if you're doing your usual shit, and you suddenly got ... like, I dunno. Scales and Webbed fingers. You're like "whatever this is odd". But then you stumble upon (or perhaps actively searched for, like a dumbshit) a Den of Depravity that loves - and I mean literally LOVES Deep ones covering each-other in slime.
  176. They abduct every deep one they can possibly find, keep them imprisoned, and force them to slime each-other for the amusement of onlookers until one of the many things in CoC kills them.
  177. Now, you have to be paranoid of every single person you meet, because you don't know which of the fuckers are gonna be those fucking Scalies, that hound you day and night to make you join their goddamn Slime club.
  179. And every person you love, and trust to know your mutations without dissecting you, might get a crush on you ... and look for people who are similarly interested in your mutation... and, after they have learned enough, they invite you to this one Den they found...
  180. Sure, it only happens once. But you're going to give up having sexual relations, because you never want that to happen again.
  181. And, of course, being unable to indulge in your San-boosting activity, repressed in your needs, will slowly drive you crazy.
  183. I like it.
  184. _________________________
  186. >Honestly, Greenwood is a poor novelist. Books like "Elminster, making of a mage" and "Elminster in hell" are incoherent, episodical and boring
  188. Not excusing him (those two books were a bore and something I had to force myself to finish), but he has a shit-horrible schedule for books. He wrote that Making of a Mage book in something like nine days because the publisher was breathing down his neck to get it done ASAP (after they piled half a dozen other things on him previously, sourcebooks and shit, so he just had no time to work on it). He had to write Elminster in Hell because Wizards wanted him to bring Elminster back after Troy Denning exiled him to the Nine Hells in the end of that first Archwizards book.
  190. Despite Elminster's power, he does seem to wind up on the crappy end of things every now and again, though. Making of a Mage he finished up by screwing a goddess, sure, but then...
  192. Elminster in Myth Drannor: Spent most of the book getting talked down to by elves, mind-controlled and abused by crazy evil elves.
  194. Temptation of Elminster: Spent half of the book without magic because Mystra decided to say lolno. She didn't even speak to him for that first half.
  196. Elminster in Hell: Mindrape is the chef special today, folks.
  198. Elminster's Daughter: He mostly runs around cleaning up and making plots. And actually earns that moniker of "powerful epic-level archmage" that he's been given. Except most of the book was about his daughter instead. So he got upstaged by somebody else in his own novel.
  200. It's almost like Greenwood is subtly trolling WotC every time they ask for Elminster books.
  201. _________________________
  203. Nah, Elminster have been in Forgotten Realms for a long, long time. Greenwood himself have stated that Elminster existed before the setting was bought by TSR, and that his primary function the was to be an obscenely overpowered character whose primary purpose was to mock the players when the characters they played got hurt or dead.
  204. _________________________
  206. I think the best measure of the Forgotten Realms fiction is that the WOTC Forgotten Realms forums banned any discussion of the book beyond "on page 44, this happened", they might eventually have banned all discussion of the books.
  207. _________________________
  209. >but to enter it they have all “Danced The Changedance” and spent time as female,
  210. >259 posts and 32 image replies omitted.
  211. How did I know how this was going to end?
  212. Oh right, I'm on /tg/.
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