Sounds

I believe it was less than a month ago when this experience happened, I was withdrawing off my meds at the time which is why I think it was that time... probably around 3 weeks ago. Anyways basically I was in my bed, and I don't remember if I used this method before quite the same way, but every time I heard a sound that seemed kind-of familiar, captivating, loud, sharp, strange, etc... I think I would decide to hold my breath. I don't quite remember, but what I do remember is that night was crazy. Things were making strange sounds outside right at weird moments in my minds state. It seemed obvious at the time that this wasn't in my head, it was so elaborate and well played. Eventually when I closed my window there were new different sounds that began inside. Creakings in the apartment often happened, other things, and the worst one was very strange/scary which was an loud electronic pitch coming from underneath my bed, and the pitch was rising and lasted for about 4-7 seconds, the sound was obviously quite close to me. I have nothing under my bed that I know about except my vape charger and that was unplugged and anyways I don't see how it could make that sound, and it has always been fairly quiet and steady sounds. Someone could have placed something in my box spring, which is possible because my landlord had to steam clean my bed when I first moved here because of bugs they were getting rid of, and he put a slip-cover on it, but I havn't checked underneath the cover. Although it seemed like the devil was attacking me, it seemed actually quite useful, it was as if he attacked me with the noise right when there was a lot of pollution around (and from back when I could meditate it seemed like pollution moved in chunks and sometimes even seemed magnetic to your energy). It seems like all the scary/draining sounds last night were from the devil, and possibly some from God though I would guess God's influence is more gentle things like birds.

Anyways I have a new form of "meditation" if you can call it that. I don't really end up sitting cross-legged, but often throughout a day, I will just stop moving my computer's mouse or whatever I am doing, and just sit there because I feel that I have to regain energy or protect myself from a loud, strange, captivating, etc type of sound (a sound "catches" me?) although sometimes even if there's a loud sound I will think/decide/realize it's not going to affect me enough that I have to stop. It's just kind-of a "feeling". Sometimes I get a feeling like it's just a good time to regain energy. Sometimes there's a loud sound, a car, hammering, creaking in the house, the refrigerator, etc. Maybe recently all these sounds are just normal and my body is just percieving them as bothersome or that I need to protect something because I'm out of energy. Anyways I attempt ways to try to motivate myself to sit even longer. I usually seem to be able to tell if I've sat long enough because if I havn't sometimes I get these kind-of tracers in my mind from the sounds as I'm moving my body, or it just doesn't feel right when I think about moving. Often, I try to move too early... and a sound "catches" me and I have to stop and sit again even longer, and sometimes I don't sit long enough and a sound will captivate me a little, so I will move slower but sometimes even after that because I didn't listen well enough a sound will eventually completely catch me and I have to stop again. Some of the sounds even feel good and comforting, like birds, water, etc. I usually start to move for the first 0.5 - 1 second very slowly like probably not even really moving much and then I move normally... I'm not sure if that's actually important though. Although right before I move often a new sound will begin and I will have to wait longer unless (usually) it happens after I made the movement or did not affect me. Also, when I am sitting still waiting and saving my energy, I try not to think unless it's like a reaction or something I find important (although usually the most important thing is to just sit still, even if I think I might forget something I'm trying to remember), although thinking is allowed it will probably end up taking longer, .