nigga keep it in your pants

Hunberct: How many times must I tell you? Garments such as these might be fit for an ordinary man, but Hunberct Longhaft is no ordinary man! Hells, what is keeping my package!?
Hunberct: My silk, at last! Ah, now this is more like it! Feel for yourself─so soft and pliant, a fabric that truly breathes. This is of sylph make, you see. A merchant I met in Highbridge sung its praises, and I simply had to experience it for myself.
Hunberct: Your puzzled expression does not escape me. “But, Longhaft,” you protest. “Many a tale have I heard of your blade, and the consummate skill with which you wield it. What use would a virile swordsman such as yourself have with such delicate─even feminine─fabric?”
Hunberct: An astute question, which I answer with a question of my own. You strike me as one who knows your way around the battlefield, yes? Suppose you are the commander of a formidable unit─one akin to a great machine.
Hunberct: Now suppose this same unit was somehow...constrained─forced to do battle in cramped quarters. Would your unit be able to realize its full potential in such unfavorable conditions?
Hunberct: Verily not! Only when given room to breathe will the puissant unit swell and expand over the battlefield, and then─upon reaching the full extent of its power─thrust forth and penetrate your opponent's defenses. Do you grasp my meaning?
Hunberct: And so I would commission a garment to be made from this silk. And yet, my unit is not merely my own. No, the skilled hands under my command see to it that my machine remains well oiled.
Hunberct: Two of these hands accompanied me here to Ul'dah, but it would seem they have eluded my grasp─or I have eluded theirs, har har! Might you be a good lass and find them for me?