Loan's Lonely Youth

To Loan, there was something oddly comforting about the town of Silent Hill. No, it wasn't the unhealthy feeling of schadenfreude, though Loan couldn't deny that that was pleasurable in its own way, it was instead this heavy atmosphere that permeated throughout the game. The second one to be exact. This oppressive melancholy, and a grey, choking aura of depression, made the town of Silent Hill feel both alien and yet just like home.

There was something about Silent Hill 2, for Loan at least, that made turning on the game feel like homecoming. Slipping into the role of James Sunderland and taking long, often interrupted, strolls through the fog-chocked town, was a simple act that seemed to absorb Loan and eat away at her sickened time. She would usually play without saving, as death was just an excuse to prolong a game session, and had long since completed the no-save challenge. In fact, getting more out of the game than perhaps even the developers imagine, she would often invent challenges that would slow and hinder her progress, simply to draw out her time in the bleak and mort world of Silent Hill.

Perhaps this was unhealthy, to be so dependent and fuelled by such a little game, to play the same game; from sundown until sunset. But, Loan had convinced herself that she wasn't anything like the Koreans that pass out in internet cafes, having played their favourite MMOs until their bodies gave in. A weak and strained comparison, of that she was certain, but Loan only needed the one excuse to justify her obsession to herself.

She had, in the past, tried to grow her obsession. She had watched LPs, lurked on forums and had even worked on the wiki. But, none of that fed her obsession like the real deal. The fanbase, other games in the franchise, merchandise, it all paled in comparison the grey world of Silent Hill 2.

So, it was not unusual for Loan to find herself playing the game again, after a session of masturbation, she immersed herself in the low, following the boost of dopamine and serotonin that masturbation provided, by trudging through the lifeless town and the all-consuming fog that encapsulated it. Only this time, Lori was there to interrupt. "Loan, we talked about this, I literally shouldn't even have to tell an adult; but you need to go outside and get some exercise." Came the mother's exasperated words.
"It's fine, I don't put on weight." Came Loan's reply, as weak and pathetic as Loan's attempts to hold eye contact with her mom.
"Yeah? And what about your cholesterol? Now that you're an adult, you need to start worr-" Lori stopped in order to find a replacement word. "Thinking. You need to start thinking about all the things you do now, that are going to cause you problems later." Was what Lori tried to tell her daughter, but she realised that Loan was too busy biting her nails instead; which earned her a flick to the side of the head. "I'm serious Loan, I love you and it's because I love you that I'm doing this." Lori explained, her last words clearing out the panicked clutter in Loan's mind. "Doing... what?" She asked, already knowing she wouldn't like the answer.
"Kicking you out. There's a letter on the counter, go get it and bring it to your Auntie Luan. I'll have tea ready, by the time you get back." After her order. She punctuated how seriously she meant it, by turning on her heels and leaving the room. Leaving Loan an ultimatum. Do a simple chore or face her mother's wrath.

Having chosen wisely, Loan left her house with a letter in her pocket. She walked with her head down and with her arms folded, almost making it apparent, to anyone that passed by, that Loan Loud was a girl who wanted to fall to her kneels and then curl into a ball on the ground. Then, like a broken pocket watch, she simply, and silently, stopped, as if all motion had been cut from her body. In spite of having stopped, she still looked at the ground. But, out of the corner of her eyes, she watched a fog roll into town. She slowly looked around and realised that she was completely alone. Royal Woods had been swallowed up by fog and she was isolated, alone in the centre of a grey world. There was a strange quality to this world she found herself in. For the briefest of moments, she felt as if she had stepped into a painting. Not unlike Silent Hill concept art. And that realisation seemed to make Loan question the world around her a little differently. However, as soon as questions came, more flooded in and she was suddenly asking herself ten questions about the people, who were surely also, in the fog. Then, she returned to her standard huddled walk, as she made her way to Luan's.

When she arrived at Luan, she was immediately assaulted with a bad joke. "Why are you pulling a face like that Loan? You look like you just walked a mile through bad FOG-urt." Loan could only laugh nervously in response. Yet, this only gave positive reinforcement to Luan's own obsession. "Hah, I love that I can always get a laugh out of you. My Liby on the other hand, she just gives me a look of disappointment. Those teen-years, am I right Loan?" Throughout Luan's babbling, Loan patiently held out the letter, all while with a very strained smile on her face, hoping for some kind of release. "Oh, thanks Loan. Say, while I read this, why don't you go and see Liby. Lacy is with her too." Loan was already heading up the stairs, before Luan had finished reading, not having the stomach to be put through another pun.

The day took a turn for the weird, however, as Loan silently entered Liby's room and found them looking out the window, while Liby gave some sort of running commentary. "Alright, round twenty-three. Who will win? One plane of hardened, double glazed glass window versus one flappy boi." The two girls waited patiently, before a pigeon flew straight into the window and immediately fell to the ground. "And the window wins!" Liby declares with unwarranted enthusiasm. Lacy felt behind her for a chalk board, which featured a tally chart that was entirely in "window's" favour; but, as she made to mark another tally, she noticed Loan. "Hey, Loan! How long have you been there?" Lacy asked. "J-just long enough to wonder, w-what's going on." Loan answered, only to come off as if even she was unsure of her own answer. "Well, don't just stand in the door frame like the one who knocks, come sit next to us." Liby said, a little snappy in her tone, though Loan knew to chalk that up to Liby's head brace.

After a while of procrastinating, and making down two more marks on the tally chart, Loan spoke up. "So, what's the story?" She asked.
"For a while now, what can only be described as a particularly stupid bird has been visiting my window; every so often. This fog is giving a good indicator of just how stupid the pigeon is." As if to punctuate Liby's words, the pigeon flew into the window again. Liby couldn't help, but get a dark chuckle out of that particular coincidence. "I just happened to be here, like you I'm lucky." Lacy added, rubbing the chalk that had collected on the tips of her fingers. Loan nodded. "Huh." Was the simple sound that escaped her lips. In that moment, she decided that it was time to leave. She silently got up, but Liby seemed to be waiting for Loan to do just that. "Hey, wait, before you go. I don't really like this game, too creepy for me, why don't you give it a go?" Liby inquired, as she pressed a pen drive into Loan's nearest hand. "Hey! If you think it's too creepy, then what good is it for Loan to have it?" Lacy demanded to know.
"Ah? Ah, ah, ah? If you're saying that, then you don't know Loan as well as I do. I guess that makes me older AND wiser." Liby said, as she turned away from Loan, flicking back her hair as part of the jest. "No way!" Lacy cried out. "I'm number one!" Loan was already making her way out of the room, but a loud bang on the window signalled that the pigeon had made another attempt. One final shout could be heard from Liby. "Ha! Too bad, my window is more deserving of the number one spot, than you."

Hours later, Loan had returned home, eaten tea and made her way back to her room. Much to Lori's dismay. She almost went through the usual motions and very nearly found herself on a porn website. But, the nondescript memory stick stood out in her mind. Liby had given her nothing to go off of. She might as well be holding a foggy town in her hand. So, she inserted the pen drive and found, inside, a folder called Yume Nikki. Loan contemplated, as she held the cursor over the folder, if she ended up not liking the game, then that was that. Yet, if she liked it as much as Silent Hill, if she became obsessed with it. It'd be one more thing that kept her inside and far away from doing anything that resembled a normal life. Nevertheless, for now, that didn't seem like a bad thing. So, with a little determination in her heart, Loan entered the folder and ran the executable. Before long, the title screen for Yume Nikki was on display.