Bio-Engineered Ponies: Old OP

For archival purposes only. This was last used on 6 March 2017 as the beginning to Customer Service's infamous takeover.
To the best of my knowledge, this was written and submitted anonymously, many years ago.

Thank you for shopping with Hassenfeld Brothers Bio-Engineering Specialists!
Congratulations! Your new My Little Pony© is sure to bring you years of joy!
Please, carefully read the instructions before opening the patented Cryo-Box containing your pony.

-Allow at least one hour of uninterrupted time in a secluded, quiet area free from distractions. Your My Little Pony© is designed to begin imprinting upon release from its Cryo-Box. Place the Cryo-Box on the floor, carefully open it, and sit nearby.

Your pony may sniff, nuzzle, and lick you as imprinting begins. Do not leave the area. You may gently touch your pony.

-Your Cryo-Box doubles as a comfortable nesting bed for your pony!

-Each pony comes with a 6-week supply of Xtreme grade nutrient paste designed to accommodate the rapid growth process. After the nutrient paste is used, your pony may switch to a normal diet (see Appendix A for recommendations)

-Your My Little Pony© begins its life as a wonderful little colt or filly! You may allow your pony to grow naturally, or you may use the provided Rapid Growth Accelerant to mature your pony to stallion / mare age in a matter of weeks!

-Your pony is engineered to love and support you. Please allow 3-4 weeks for colts and fillies to age before engaging in sexual activity. If rapidly aging your pony, sexual contact may begin after 2 weeks. Be gentle with your pony!

-Every night, place the Language-Assistance headphones on your pony for at least 30 minutes to teach your pony proper speaking skills.

-DO NOT REJECT YOUR PONY. REJECTED PONIES MAY HAVE VIOLENT TENDENCIES. IF YOU FEEL YOU MAY HAVE UNWITTINGLY REJECTED YOUR PONY, PLEASE CALL BIO SUPPORT AT 555-PONY-4ME IMMEDIATELY!