By: a guest on Jul 22nd, 2012
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Isn't it crazy? How someone you have never met can actually mean the whole world to you. This isn't some sweet beautiful fairy tale like in books, no this is much more dramatic and probably won't have a happy ending either. I met him when he was just 14 and no it wasn't in real life because it would have been much easier. It was online and I was 20. I know what your thinking big age difference right? But just talking to him for the first time something had clicked. I'm not sure if he felt it too because this is what this story is about: being in love with a person who doesn't feel the same way. He was so young, so naive at the time but I couldn't help the Way i was starting to feel about him.This is where it all began..
We started having little chats, laughing you know, He was amazing to talk to. He made me laugh. I told him a few stuff about my life, he pretty much made fun of it but knowing me, I was not caring and falling under his spell. The more and more I opened up to him the more he made fun of me but he was only 14 and really stubborn, he acted like a little school boy with a crush, still does actually. One year past and to be honest he was starting to get to me. From all those days and nights we talked I was already falling in love with him. He was 15 now and we started to fight. I don't know whether if it was me that started our arguments or that he was so stubborn. I started getting paranoid thinking that he was lying to me, to this point I'm still paranoid that he lies. Then I started worrying about what he does behind my back, all the girls he talks to, the girls who will never see him the way I do yet he tells me he has feelings for other girls which pretty much broke my heart. I just wish he would understand that what I feel with him Is something so special that it could lit ally kill me. Now 16, I was 22 depressed as ever, hopelessly in love with someone I have never known in real life, you must think I'm crazy, believe me I still question myself if I'm crazy for having feelings for someone I don't know personally. It's all like a dream really, you dream of something so beautiful then wake up to reality. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or this is reality. He pretty much seemed to know a lot about me now and I didn't know much about him after these 3 years But loving him felt so wrong because all he ever seemed to do is hurt me. Every time we had fights he would use my life as a insult to me but although it hurt what he said , I knew deep down he didn't mean it. I self harmed when I felt hurt by him or felt like he was lying to me. I cried myself to sleep thinking of him, I still do most nights. I just want him to feel what I feel. I'm 23 now and he is 17, I'm completely head over heels in love with him. I dated 2 guys online this year and all I do is pretend they are him because I know strongly we would never be together. He is right for me, I'm just not right for him and that's something I'm trying to overcome. Then I heard his voice for the first time, his laugh and then I knew from that point I was completely fascinated by him. He was from a place I would dream of living in, somewhere far, far away from this world I'm in and I have had thoughts that someone like him could save me. So I'm sitting here at 4:30 am, raining outside, tears rolling down my face, feeling like I'm going to have a breakdown.I feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge. I want this to end happily I really do but I don't think it will, there's just too much heartbreak. I just hope one day he'll realize how much he means to me and if I ever lost him, I just couldn't bear living with myself but I know clearly what I feel is real and when I do go crazy, I just wish someday he'll be there to hold my hand.