Shiki's a great mom fer shuh

The baby's crying. We both wake up bleary eyed and look at each other and I hear the most comforting words I've ever heard: "It's my turn."

 

Thank you. I dump my head back into the pillow. "I'll make it up to you in the morning."

 

She gives me her Cheshire-cat grin "You better."

 

I brush her fingertips as she gets out of bed. I'll let her sleep in this morning and handle everything myself.

 

Before she's even left the room I've dozed right to sleep.

 

It's not easy being new parents. There's a lot to learn and you can only learn it through experience. Though one part everyone knows about is the toll it takes on your sleeping pattern. Our baby is only a newborn and caring for it has consumed both of our lives.

 

I wake up  and find her side of the bed empty. She's still not back yet? I guess I should go back to sleep so I'm ready in the morning but she's also been gone for a while. I pull myself from bed. I've never felt heavier and the cold air makes me want to retreat back to the comforting warmth.

 

I stumble down the hallway, even with my eyes half-closed I make it to the nursery. I can hear her talking to baby:

 

"Oh, Sariputra, Form Does not Differ From the Void, And the Void Does Not Differ From Form. Form is Void and Void is Form; The Same is True For Feelings, Perceptions, Volitions and Consciousness."

 

It's the heart sutra. I've heard her recite it so many times I could recite it myself. Although she used to always add a 'totally' or 'fer shuh' in there. She always said it brought her comfort. Maybe she's having a rough time tonight.

 

Other than her heavy eyelids she's actualy holding up okay. She's in the rocking chair, our baby cradled in her arms and feeding. She spots me watching them and gently hushes me.

 

"Still awake?" I whisper.

 

"I guess they were hungry." She smiles.

 

She's breastfeeding?

 

And did they get bigger?

 

No. No. No.

 

That line of thinking is why we're in this mess.

 

"I thought you wanted to use formula."

 

She gets shy and pulls her blouse to cover her chest "I enjoy the closeness."

 

"I heard you reciting the sutra. Are you doing okay?"

 

"I'm fine. Turns out I'm not the only one who likes it." She motions towards the baby. "It's the gift that keeps on giving."

 

I watch her rock back and forth with the baby.

 

"Sariputra, the Characteristics of the Voidness of All Dharmas Are Non-Arising, Non-Ceasing,Non-Defiled, Non-Pure, Non-Increasing, Non-Decreasing."

 

She's actually really good. She always seemed so independent and playful when we first met. I never expected we'd have a family or that I'd see her like this.

 

"Hey sleepyhead. You promised you'd make it up to me in the morning." She grins and sticks her tongue out at me.

 

I perk up "I just thought you might need help."

 

"Go back to bed. I'll be there soon."

 

She's right. If one of us doesn't get sleep we'll both pay for it tomorrow.

 

"Well I did make a promise."