A Failed Friendship

>Anon remembered the first time he saw her.
>She was sitting in a café, drinking a mocha latté and reading fashion magazines.
>Instantly he was enamored with her, she seemed to radiate a warmth that he had never felt before.
>He was scared, he wanted to go up to her and say something to her, but she was so bright that it was blinding.
>Leni though had noticed Anon watching her, and unlike a normal person who would recoil at a stranger watching them, she gave a soft wave and smile
>That smile tugged at his heartstrings, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
>He realized that there might never be another one like her, so he mustered up the little bit of courage that he had and walked over to her.
>"H-Hi, I'm Anon."
>"Hi Anon, I'm Leni!"
>As he stared into her eyes, he swore that he could see stars in them. He knew that there was no way that she could ever be his.
>Do you uh... Do you drink here often?" He cringed as he spoke, thinking that he was saying something royally stupid
>"Yeah I do! This place's mocha latté is the best! What about you?"
>"Oh, yeah I like to come here sometimes... It's pretty quiet here; I like it when it's quiet."
>"Oh and yeah, their mocha latté is really good, though I usually like caramel iced coffee." Said Anon, trying his hardest to make conversation.
>Though nervous at first, Anon actually managed to find a way to speak with someone as radiant as her.
>As she talked to Anon, Leni could see that he was also kind. He had an air to him, one that was shy, yet nice. She knew that he could be really something if she could pull him out of the shell that she saw around him.
>The girl that Anon viewed as a flower on a mountain, unable to be reached, was now conversing with him happily. He couldn't believe it; it felt like a dream to him.
>Before he knew it, the two of them had already formed a friendship.
>Leni was truly an angel; she was the only one in Anon's life that had offered a hand to pull him out of the hole that he had put himself in.
>Slowly, Anon had become more outgoing; though he really only liked it when he was in Leni's company.
>He began to enjoy life more, and Leni made life all the more sweet.
>Unknown to Anon however, he was also having an impact on Leni.
>Anon was always there for her as well. When she started to feel blue, she could always count on Anon to cheer her up.
>Even if he couldn't see it, Leni saw the value in Anon. To her he was a diamond in the rough.
>As the years went by, they grew closer and closer.
>During that time, Anon's secret love for Leni only grew deeper, yet he still couldn't bring himself to say it.
>Leni had done so much for him that he became almost dependent on her. He felt like even if the world turned against him, Leni would still be there for him.
>Sometimes he would lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering about how Leni felt about him.
>Doubt was always something that had plagued Anon; he worried that he was only taking from Leni and not giving anything back.
>He wondered, did she ever think about him the same way that he thought about her? Did she ever think about being in his arms?
>Whenever he would start to think of himself in a positive light, he'd always fall back into self-deprecation. Even after all these years, he still felt unworthy of being by Leni's side.
>Still, she saw something in him. What that was he did not know, but it was obviously enough for her to stay with him after all this time.
>When he was by Leni, his talents began to show. It was because of her that he could push himself to do things that he normally wouldn't think he could do.
>He fell asleep, dreaming of being with her.
>One night though, it happened.
>Anon was on his computer as he usually was when he was not out with Leni.
>It was late; he figured that nothing would happen at this time of night.
>To his surprise, his phone rang.
>He picked it up, curious as to who would be calling at this time.
>As he answered it, he could hear crying.
>"A-Anon are you there?" Said Leni, softly sobbing over the phone.
>"Y-Yes I am here! What's happened??" Said Anon in a panicked tone. There were very few times that he had heard Leni cry, and it was always painful to hear.
>"I need someone to listen to me... Can I come over?"
>A look of shock came over his face. His heartbeat grew faster. Could it be the time? Could he actually confess the feelings that he had held onto all these years?
>"A-Anon?"
>"What? Oh yes of course, come over! I'm always here for you!"
>"Thank you Anon, I'll be right over."
>As she hung up, fear and anxiety began to consume Anon.
>He began to pace around quickly, trying to figure out what to do. He had to be there for her obviously, but this might also be the time to reveal his feelings.
>He worried though, if things didn't go right, it could spell disaster for their friendship.
>He knew that a failed confession always strains a friendship, and he couldn't lose Leni.
>What was he to do?
>Before he knew it, there was a knock on the door.
>It was Leni.
>He opened the door and saw her, standing there with tears running down her face.
>As they locked eyes, she grabbed onto him, crying into his shoulder.
>"C'mon, let's go inside." Said Anon.
>The two closed the door and sat on the couch, Leni ready to tell him her story.
>She began to tell him about the night she had just had.
>"Anon? Am I stupid?"
>"What?? No of course you're not! You are perfect!"
>"I can hear guys talking about me... They call me a dumb blonde. Then they bet to see how quickly they can hook up with me...,"
>Anon was visibly enraged; this was the reason why he hated most people.
>She held onto him, her head against his shoulder.
>"I just wish I could find someone who doesn't treat me like an idiot..."
>This was it; the moment of truth. He knew that it was now or never to say what he had wanted to say through all of these years.
>But, would it be worth it? If she said yes, then he would experience what he thought would be pure euphoria.
>If she said no though, then he might lose the only true friend that he had ever made.
>Leni looked up at Anon who was wearing a pained expression.
>"Anon? Are you okay?"
>Leni's words broke him out of his internal dilemma. It was finally time to either come clean, or to hide it forever.
>"Leni..."
>"Yes?"
>"Y-You know I'd never treat you like an idiot..."
>"W-What?"
>"I... I-I l-love you Leni..."
>Leni just stared blankly at him, waiting for him to fully explain his feelings.
>"I've always had problems... But, you saved me from so much... You make me feel worth something. I still don't know what you see in me... But you do and you have always been there for me... Helping me step out of the box that I made for myself to hid away from the world. Without you, I would have never been able to go out with people with a smile on my face. I'd be content just staying inside for the rest of my life."
>"That's why I love you..."
>Now that he had finished, Leni could ask him, "How long have you felt this way?"
>"To be honest, I loved you at first glance. But, it was when we first became close friends all those years ago that I felt real love."
>"So you've been next to me for years now loving me without telling me?"
>"Y-Yes... Confessing felt so scary... But now, now I feel like I can. So... now you know..."
>Anon had said his peace, all that was left was for Leni to answer. He watched her expression carefully, hoping to get a glimpse of what she was going to say.
>To his horror, Leni looked awkward. She averted her eyes, looking like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words.
>"T-Thanks Anon... I'm happy you feel that way..."
>Anon could feel his heart shatter. He knew that she didn't feel the same way. The pain that was consuming him felt unbearable.
>Leni looked at her watch nervously, almost as if she was trying to escape.
>"It's late... I should uh; I should probably get going..."
>"Yeah... Yeah you should..."
>Leni walked to the door and looked back at Anon, who had a thousand-yard stare. It looked like he wasn't even in the same world.
>"G-Good night... I'll call you later." Leni closed the door, and walked to her car.
>"G'night Leni..."

>As time passed, things had happened exactly as he predicted.
>Leni and Anon began to spend less time together and their conversations were now awkward and stifled.
>Soon Anon started to fall back into the shell he had created for himself so long ago.
>Leni could see this happening, but couldn't bring herself to say anything, lest she cause more pain to him. There was nothing that she could do.
>Soon the two barely talked, and Anon was all alone again. He was back to the place that he was before he had met her.
>Every night, he would close his eyes and see that face; that awkward face that Leni had when he told her his feelings; the moment in which his only friendship was utterly destroyed.
>He couldn't get rid of that moment. It was burned into his mind and looped constantly, the pain feeling fresh every time.
>He needed something, anything to blur that moment.
>One day he got into his car and drove to the supermarket to pick up some groceries.
>As he was shopping, he came across a bottle of gin that was on sale.
>He picked it up and stared at it; he needed something to numb the pain.
>He argued with himself in his head; he knew that he shouldn't buy it, but he didn't know of any other way to forget what had happened.
>With a regrettable look on his face, he put it in his cart along with the groceries.
>Anon later went home, putting his groceries away.
>As he emptied the bags, he pulled out the gin bottle.
>He inspected it, turning it around in his hand, and debating if he should really drink it.
>As he debated, his mind flashed back to that night again. He remembered his heart breaking and the loneliness that had followed.
>He trembled and clutched the bottle tightly, setting it down and going to his cabinet.
>He had made up his mind; he opened the cabinet and grabbed his shot glass, setting it next to the bottle.
>He opened the top, poured the alcohol, and raised his glass.
>"Here's to you Leni..."
>He downed it; it burned badly. It was strong though, he knew that if he drank a bit more, it just might work.
>He poured another, then another, then another, the memory becoming more obscured as he lost himself to the alcohol.
>After seven drinks, he could barely think straight. He liked it though; being unable to think straight meant that he didn't have to think about his loneliness and the loss of his only friend.
>The intoxication lasted for a while, but then it started to fade. He was being pulled back into reality. Suddenly everything felt real again, and he hated it.
>The gin was catching up with his system; he began to feel sick as his body tried to reject the poison that he was ingesting.
>He ignored it though, the pain in his stomach and head was nothing compared to the pain in his soul and heart.
>He kept drinking and drinking until he finally passed out on his kitchen floor.
>The gin might have helped him when he was awake, but as he slept, he still dreamed of her.
>He dreamed of having a happy life next to her, only for the dream to shatter.
>He woke up in a cold sweat, his head screaming at him.
>He looked around; he was still in the kitchen, the groceries half put away.
>It was night now, and now, after spending the whole day drinking, he finally felt truly alone.
>He stumbled as he rose from the floor, looking through his medicine cabinet for Alka-Seltzer.
>After he found them, he poured a glass of water, popping the tablets in and drinking it.
>After he finished, he put the rest of the groceries away and slogged off to bed.
>He fell onto his bed, not even bothering to take his clothes off.
>Having already slept the whole day, he couldn't fall asleep, spending most of the night staring at his ceiling and thinking of her.
>Before he knew it, it was morning and time for him to go to work.
>Work was the same as always; he'd come in, punch in, and then work mindlessly until it was time to go home.
>From the moment he punched in, his mind was on two things: Leni and drinking.
>The day passed just like all the others had; a forgettable blur.
>He punched out and drove home, stopping by the supermarket again to pick up another bottle.
>He got home and repeated the process yet again, to the point where later on the days felt exactly the same. There was nothing special in them anymore; not since Leni left.
>People began to look the same; soon everything lost its identity, including him.
>He began to think that even if everyone left, the gin wouldn't. It'd always be there for him to heal the pain.
>Eventually the effect of the gin started to become less potent; Leni was shining through the intoxicated haze, much to his horror.
>Now, even after 10 shots, he could still see her, his lost love.
>Now nothing could make the pain go away.
>Realizing this, he broke down sitting at his table, finally staring at reality.

>He pounded the table with his fist in a crying fit, unable to contain his feelings of anguish.
>It had been over half a decade since Anon first met Leni, and all of the memories of the time they spent together came rushing through his mind.
>The pain was unbearable, how could he stop it?
>Then a thought occurred. The moment that it flashed in his brain, everything seemed to have come to a stop.
>He sat in deep thought for what felt like days, considering consequences.
>He looked back on his life, starting from his childhood.
>He was a mediocre kid; he never had the top grades, nor was any good at sports.
>Meanwhile his sister was the one with good grades, the one his parents told him he should aspire to be.
>He was never good enough in their eyes; on the rare chance that he got an A+, he would show them excited, only for them to tell him that he shouldn't be excited to get an A, it should normal for him to get an A.
>Eventually he stopped trying to win his parents' affection, knowing that he'd never be good enough for them.
>He had always been shy and quiet; unable to make friends as easily as the other kids did. Often he'd his lunch underneath a tree by himself, making stories up about knights and princesses in his head.
>Because of his timid nature, he had been dubbed the "Weird Kid" and avoided. He didn't mind it though; he just lost himself in his books.
>Eventually his sister went off to college, leaving him alone with his parents.
>Worried at what they might say to him now that she was gone, he braced himself for their disappointment.
>What he got was something worse though; they paid him no mind. They barely interacted with him, almost acting as if he didn't exist.
>Alone in family and alone in friends, he'd often stay in his room, reading books of fantasy. He'd sometimes read books where the main character had a family, and Anon could live vicariously through them.
>Eventually he graduated high school; deciding to go to work immediately, rather than suffer through more school.
>He continued to work, saving up every cent he earned until he was around 20.
>By this time, the parents knew that he had enough to buy a small apartment, and gave him the boot.
>He didn't have much time to find a place before his parents kicked him out, so he rented the first cheap apartment that he could find.
>He packed up the small amount of stuff that he owned and loaded them into the trunk of his car.
>As he closed the trunk, he saw his parents standing at the door, seeing him off.
>He remembered telling them, "Thank you for taking care of me, I love you."
>He was met with, "Goodbye son" before they walked inside and closed the door, leaving him alone next to his car.
>It wasn't long after that that he met Leni.
>Leni was the very first one who made him feel okay with who he was. She wasn't disappointed in him, nor did she think he was weird.
>Even through all of this, he still loved her. He would always love her.
>As he finished thinking about his life, he made his decision.
>He looked around for a piece of paper and pen and wrote a single sentence on it.
>He walked back to his room, placing the paper next to his bed lamp.
>He opened his top drawer, pulling out the thing he had bought years ago in case someone broke in.
>After checking to see if it was loaded, he walked over and sat on his bed.
>His face, once a crying mess, was now one of sobriety and acceptance.
>His hands were trembling as he put the gun underneath his chin.
>Closing his eyes, he thought of Leni.

>As the trigger was pulled, his phone rang.
>It was actually Anon's sister, Anna. She had just got engaged to a wonderful man and decided to call Anon to let him know.
>While her parents never treated Anon well, she never mistreated him. Oftentimes she felt bad that he was constantly compared to her.
>Unfortunately for Anon, his resentment towards her for being favored over him blinded him from the only one who really never mistreated him.
>Though he resented her, he would still pick up the phone when she would call him; at least she acknowledged his existence, unlike their parents.
>With that knowledge in mind, she was confused when Anon didn't answer the phone. She left a message telling him to call her back, but even after a couple hours, he still didn't call.
>Somehow, she felt like something was off. Wondering what she should do, she decided to call her parents, to see if Anon was there; however unlikely that was.
>As she called, her Mom picked up and answered her happily.
>"Hi Anna it's so nice for you to call!"
>"Hi Mom, I was wondering-"
>"I heard you were getting married to Andy? I'm so happy for you!"
>"Yes, Mom I just wanted to know-"
>"Where are you going on your honeymoon?"
>"Mom!"
>"Oh, sorry dear, I just get so excited when I talk to you. What's up?"
>"Is Anon with you?"
>"Oh. No he's not here. Why?" The Mom's voice instantly changed to one of apathy.
>"He wasn't picking up his phone and I was getting worried-"
>"Of course he wasn't, that's just like him. You know he still hasn't found a girlfriend yet?? He really should take more after you."
>"What do you mean? He picks up my calls every day! You don't even call him!"
>"Why are you getting upset at me? HE'S the one who didn't answer you."
>Tired of speaking to her mother, she tried to end the conversation.
>"Alright well thanks anyways, I gotta' go."
>She hung up the phone and thought about what she should do.
>It had been too long since she had seen him, so she decided to give him a visit.
>As she pulled up, she noticed his car was still outside, in her mind indicating that he was at home.
>She walked to the door and knocked on it, waiting to hear a reply.
>"Anon? Are you home?" Said Anna as she rang the doorbell.
>She looked back and saw Anon's car, which baffled her. It would be understandable if the car was gone; since that could mean that he had gone out without his phone.
>As she grew more concerned, she decided to abandon her manners and tried to open the door.
>To her surprise, it was open.
>It was quiet. As she looked around, nothing was on. No TVs, no computers, nothing.
>"Anon! Anon are you here?"
>After wandering a bit, she noticed the bedroom door was closed. There were no lights coming from under the door, so he wasn't on his computer; maybe he was sleeping.
>She slowly opened the bedroom door to see if he was sleeping, and found something horrible.
>"Anon?"
>She looked closer, noticing the bloodstained sheets as well Anon with a gun in his hand.
>The moment she saw it, tears began to stream down her face. She felt her throat close, struggling to breath.
>"A-Annie?"
>She didn't want to movie closer, but she had to see him. She stepped closer, stepping in the blood that had started to accumulate on the floor.
>She now saw her only brother, gone. She crumpled onto the bed in a sobbing fit. She didn't want to believe what she saw, but she looked at him. There was no doubt that it was him.
>She couldn't do anything but sob into the blood-soaked sheets. What was there to do?
>She moved to him, clutching onto his body and calling his name over and over again, wanting him to come back.
>She started to blame herself, how could she not see what was happening to him?
>She blamed herself for not spending more time with him; maybe then she could have seen him in pain.
>She held onto him for a while, her clothes turning red.
>Afterwards though, she pulled herself away. She turned away though; she couldn't even look at him, lest she lose herself again.
>She looked around and saw the piece of paper next to his lamp, drops of dried blood on it.
>She picked it up and read the single sentence that he had written.

>"Even as I die, I'll never stop thinking of you Leni."

>Leni. Who the fuck was Leni?
>Whoever she was, she was the one that drove him to this.
>Rage began to consume Anna. She was angry not only at herself for letting this happen, but even angrier at Leni, who obviously played a large part in this.
>She needed to find out who she was. Anna looked around and saw a few photographs of him and a girl who she could only assume was Leni.
>In her mind, this was her brother's killer.
>She stared at the picture becoming more and more infuriated, but then she had an idea.
>She pulled out her phone and called Anon's phone, looking around for it.
>Anon's cell phone rang, the ring-tone coming from the kitchen.
>After finding it she looked at it and turned it on. It was locked with a number pad; but she knew what the code was.
>She put in Anon's birthday, something that only she remembered, and the phone unlocked.
>After noticing that both the lock screen and the home screen had pictures of him and Leni, she decided to look through his gallery.
>She shook her head as she scrolled through the pictures; he looked so happy. What did she do to him that would cause this?
>As she inspected the photos closer, she noticed that the pictures stopped after a certain date; two years ago.
>She then looked at his notepad, trying to uncover the mystery of her brother's suicide.
>As she looked at the notes, she saw her brother's pain revealed. He poured his feelings into these notes, the anguish he felt as Leni walked out of his life and the crushing loneliness that surrounded him.
>As she read through the notes, Anna began to cry. He was suffering so much without anyone there to comfort him.
>"Why didn't you come to me? I would have been there..." Said Anna tearfully.
>She read about Anon's pain, but then saw the notes where he was happy; the notes he wrote when he was with Leni.
>She read about how she made him feel worthwhile, how she made him feel special. Anna wished she could have seen him at that time, but it was just another regret to add now.
>She kept reading, finally coming across the note that he had written when he was rejected. She read Anon's thought about how Leni would eventually leave him; which she did.
>The notes that came after were even more painful than the ones before he met Leni. She read the half-drunken notes, almost as if she was watching him spiral down into alcoholism.
>She watched as the notes became more and more pleading, how he wrote about wanting to be free, how he thought that now that he was alone, no one would miss him if he disappeared.
>She then read the final note:

>"The gin doesn't work anymore; I can still see her. I relive that night again and again, it won't stop. I need something to stop myself from thinking about her, but I don't know what to do."
>"There's no one left, I'm all alone. If I was to disappear, no one would even notice; maybe that's what I should do. Maybe that will make it all stop."
>"Looking back, the only time I was happy was when I was with Leni. Now she's gone and I'll never get her back. I'll never have my only friend back. I think I've decided; it's time to stop thinking of her, even if it means ending it all."
>"Goodbye Leni, I'll always love you."

>Anna could barely make it through the final note and as she finished reading, she dropped it onto the counter.
>She grabbed her hair and pulled on it, gritting her teeth as she tried to stifle her sobs.
>"Why didn't I call him more?? Why didn't I talk to him...? Why did I only talk about myself?!"
>Guilt was overtaking Anna; she didn't know what to do, except for one thing.
>She knew that she shouldn't be the only one feeling this guilt; her and Anon's parents, and especially Leni needed to share this shame.
>Before doing that though, she had to call 911. She couldn't leave her brother in this state.
>She dialed the number and told them what happened; the ambulance arriving not long after.
>The paramedics came in, Anna tearfully pointing them in the direction of Anon.
>After the paramedics came through, the police then came in.
>Anna told them Anon's life story and how she found him.
>They offered their condolences and took care of everything else.
>Knowing what she had to do, she drove to her parents' house, her clothes still bloodied.
>It was night by the time she arrived there; she waited in her car for a little bit before stepping out.
>Her blood boiling as she finally came to terms with how much they neglected their son, she stepped out of the car, walking up to the door and pounding on it furiously.
>Soon the lights came on, and then the door was opened; the Mom answering the door.
>"Anna? What's going on? What happened to your clothes!? Are you alright??" Said the Mom as she looked at Anna.
>"I'm fucking peachy. Your son isn't." Said Anna, filled with rage
>"What?"
>"Anon's dead. He killed himself."
>"Oh my god..." Said the Mom, though in a tone that one would use for a distant relative rather than their own child.
>"DON'T YOU CARE!?"
>"Don't yell at me! Of course I care! I'm just happy to hear you're alright!"
>Soon the Dad stepped out, wondering what was going on. "What happened? Anna are you alright?"
>"Of fucking course, it's always about me! Was it ever about Anon? Was it? Did you ever once love him? No you were too busy fawning over me to even pay attention to how much he was hurting!"
>Both the parents looked grave; they knew that there was no defense that they could make.
>"Now he's dead and YOU STILL DON'T CARE!"
>"Anna-"
>"No! I know that tone of voice! You just treated your own son's death like you treated Cousin Andrew's death! Look at you! Neither of you are even crying!!" Anna was becoming hysterical, tears running down her face as the veil was finally lifted from her eyes. She finally saw the kind of treatment that Anon was given throughout his whole childhood.
>"Anna sweetie c'mere..." Said the Mom as she tried to pull Anna in for a hug.
>"NO GET OFF ME!" Yelled Anna as she pushed her Mother away. They were more concerned about her crying than they were about the fact that their son killed himself. She had enough.
>"Anna please-"
>"No, no that's it I'm done. Now I see what shitty parents you were."
>"Hey now you watch yourself Anna!" Said the Dad.
>"No, I'm not going to, because you're both dead to me. I never want to see you, or hear you again. Maybe then you'll see how Anon felt when you left him alone."
>Anna began to walk to her car, throwing one final look of death to her parents.
>"Hey you can't blame just us! You obviously weren't there for him either!"
>"I know, I wasn't; and it's eating me up. Now you can also live with the guilt of driving someone to suicide."
>Anna drove off, not once hesitating on what she said; they would never again be part of her life, nor would she be part of theirs.
>Anna just had one more person to tell...
>Anna drove back home, reuniting with her fiancée and crying into his arms.
>She held onto him throughout the night, but in the back of her mind she knew that she still had one more thing to do.
>She looked at her phone and looked through her contacts; scrolling to Leni's number which she had swiped when she looked through her brother's phone.
>Tomorrow, tomorrow was when she was going to do it...

>Meanwhile Leni had carried on with her life, sometimes stopping to think about Anon and how he was doing.
>She remembered that night; the night that he revealed his feelings.
>She was flattered that he felt that way about her, but to her, she never looked at him that way.
>Sure he was sweet, but she just couldn't see him as anything more than a friend.
>There were times when she regretted drifting away from him, but she figured it would be better if he just forgot her and moved on.
>She could only hope that he found a way to be happy without her.
>One day she was at home, relaxing after work.
>As she sat on her couch and watched a little bit of T.V., her cellphone rang; it was a number that she had never seen before.
>The number looked local so Leni figured that it was just a wrong number. She decided to answer it to tell them that she wasn't the person they were looking for.
>She answered it, hearing a woman's voice.
>"Hello? Am I speaking to Leni?"
>"Um, yes? May I ask who's calling?"
>"Hi I'm Anna, Anon's sister."
>"Oh hello Anna, can I help you?"
>"I've heard a lot about you from Anon, and I was wondering if I could meet you."
>"He uh, he still remembers me?"
>"Of course he still remembers you; you were the first friend he ever made. He really liked you."
>"Yeah, yeah he did..."
>"I know that it's been a while since you've spoken with Anon, but I was hoping that I could talk with you and thank you for how kind you were to my little brother. Would you be interested in getting lunch tomorrow?"
>"Sure that sounds great."
>The two planned out the lunch date, Anna preparing herself for what she wanted to say to Leni. But first, she wanted to see what made her so special in the first place.

>Tomorrow afternoon came as the two of them met at a restaurant of Leni's choice.
>They met, sat at a table together at talked, Leni slightly awkward with the whole situation.
>She hadn't spoken to Anon in years, and now his sister gets a hold of her? Still, she spoke and acted in her usual, optimistic self; the same one that entranced Anon all those years ago.
>Anna watched Leni as she spoke; she felt the aura of kindness and acceptance that radiated from her. It was no wonder that Anon latched onto her so much.
>Anna kept her cool, though underneath she was furious; this was the woman that abandoned Anon.
>Leni made the fatal mistake of asking how Anon was doing; which caused Anna's hand to instinctively clench in rage. It faded as soon as it appeared though, as Anna tried to remain calm.
>Anna lied and told her that Anon was doing okay, but retreated back into his shell.
>Leni felt sad hearing that Anon reverted back after she had left; she had hoped that he had found someone great.
>The two finished eating and both walked out.
>"Leni could you come over here for a second?"
>"Sure, what's up?"
>"I can see why Anon liked you so much, you are like an angel."
>"Oh I'm not that great!"
>"Oh but you are! You're so great that my little brother killed himself over you!" Said Anna in a happy tone, her face switching to one of pure hatred.
>"W-What?"
>"Yeah; Anon's dead. He killed himself; because of you."
>Anna pulled out the bloodied goodbye note that she had found and handed it to her.
>"I found that, right next to his lifeless body."
>Leni looked at the note in horror, her eyes tearing up as she read the sentence that he had wrote for her.
>"See that? That's his blood on your hands. You left him completely alone, and he had nothing else left."
>Anna was now tearing up in a mix of regret and anger.
>"I couldn't be there for him, he wouldn't let me. But you! YOU COULD! But you didn't."
>"I-I wanted him to forget me! I couldn't stay next to him and let him always remember that I turned him down!"
>"He didn't forget you though, even after you left. He thought about you every day, so much so that he drank every day to forget your memory."
>Leni, the one who was always so optimistic and cheerful, was now being broken down.
>Leni fell to her knees; feeling Anna's hateful gaze.
>"My little brother is dead because of you. Letting you live with that knowledge and guilt is the closest thing I'll have to revenge."
>Anna walked away, getting into her car and leaving Leni alone in a parking lot, barely able to contain herself.
>Leni had to get home; she scrambled her way to her car and drove off quickly back home.
>She shambled into her house and fell onto her bed, sobbing into the sheets.
>"Why? Why couldn't you just forget me!? Why did you have to do that!? Why..."
>Leni had never felt anguish like this before; she had been sad, but it was never soul-crushing like the sorrow she felt now.
>She had no idea what to do, so she just curled into a ball and cried into her pillow.
>Anna's words kept flashing through her mind, "My little brother is dead because of you."
>She was right; how could she leave someone as vulnerable as him alone? She was friends with him for three years, she knew the life he went through, and she knew that she was his only friend.
>She thought that she should have known that Anon would have retreated if there was no one there to hold him up.
>Leni barely slept that night, constantly having nightmares about Anon killing himself.
>She woke up groggily next morning, dark rings under her eyes.
>She made her way to the bathroom, splashing water on her face and looking at herself in the mirror.
>She stared at herself; yesterday felt so surreal. She wished that it was just a dream, but the goodbye card from Anon was still there in her bedroom.
>She readied herself for work, but lacked her usual enthusiasm, how could she be happy?
>Her coworkers noticed this, whispering to each other and wondering what happened.
>Watching them stare at her and mutter made her feel as if everyone knew what she had done; they knew that she was a killer.
>It tore at her; she tried her hardest to make it through the day.
>As the workday ended, one of her work friends came up to her and asked her "Hey Leni are you alright? You seem really depressed."
>"I don't wanna' talk about it..."
>This surprised her co-worker; Leni was never one to dismiss conversation or people. Something huge must have happened.
>"Hey if you are having some problems, you can tell me. I'm here for you."
>Leni was conflicted, she didn't want to talk about it, but she knew that keeping it bottled would destroy her.
>After deciding to tell her about it, he friend looked horrified and sympathetic.
>"Leni I'm so sorry... But it's not your fault, he made his decision."
>"Yeah but he made it because of me."
>"Leni you can't put that on yourself."
>Leni appreciated the kind words that her friend was offering, but it still couldn't change the guilt that she felt.
>The day ended and Leni went back home, now alone with her thoughts.
>She needed some way to get Anon off of her mind, she tried watching TV, but it didn't do any good.
>She ended up just laying on her bed, staring at the card that said "Even as I die, I'll never stop thinking of you Leni."
>Tears welled up in her eyes as she covered them with her arm, uttering out "I'm sorry Anon, I'm so sorry."
>The night proceeded just as the previous night had; plagued with nightmares.
>She woke up, got ready for work again and stared at the card one last time before she left.
>She went into work, noticing that the whispers became more obvious, and there was no doubt that they were staring at her with judging eyes.
>She noticed all the men had become almost scared of her, distancing themselves from her.
>"W-What's going on you guys?" Said Leni
>"Oh uh nothing, we just have something to take care of." Said a couple of male coworkers.
>"...What did I do wrong?"
>"They don't want to be captivated like that friend of yours." Said a female worker who never liked Leni.
>Rumors began to circulate around the workplace, Leni receiving the nickname "Siren"
>They called her that because she would entrance men and lead them to their death.
>Now isolated from her workplace, she trudged her way through every day, the guilt becoming heavier every day.

>One day she went to the grocery store and saw a bottle of gin that was on sale; the same one that Anon drank.
>Leni looked at the bottle of gin, trying to rationalize why she would buy it.
>Eventually she gave up on trying to find a reason, and placed the bottle in her cart.
>She finished shopping and returned home; putting away the groceries and placing the bottle up on a high shelf.
>She looked at it longingly, but managed to look away; she didn't want to fall into that pit.
>The days continued on, Leni feeling a perceived isolation from her coworkers, not realizing that she was the one distancing herself from them.
>To Leni, all of her friends talked about her behind her back and judged her, but to the rest of the world, it was Leni who was judging herself.
>Her friends tried to comfort her, only for Leni to become paranoid about their motives. The guilt was crushing her; she started to pull away from everyone.
>She began to lock herself away from even her siblings, who were all worried about her. They called and called, sometimes coming to visit her.
>What they found though was a degrading Leni, her soul being weathered away from the guilt.
>As time passed, Leni started to become a shadow of her former self. The Leni who was always happy when going to work, always fun to talk with, was now replaced with apathy and misery.
>Weeks passed, with every night ending with Leni staring at that gin bottle, her gaze lingering a little longer with each night.
>The nights were hard; she constantly kept waking up in a cold sweat, unable to get Anon off of her mind.
>Much like how Anon could not get the memory of her turning him down out of his head, she couldn't stop reliving the moment in which that bloodstained goodbye card was handed to her.
>"I'm happy you feel that way." was now replaced with "My brother is dead because of you."
>One night as Leni watched T.V., a movie came on; it was Anon's favorite one.
>Leni remembered the first time that Anon showed her the movie, he was so excited to share something with the person her loved.
>Leni tried to watch it, but her mind kept being called back to that time.
>She looked next to her and pictured Anon watching the movie with a smile on his face. How could she let something like this happen to him?
>Leni turned the T.V. off; her heart couldn't bear it any longer as she clutched onto a couch pillow and sobbed into it.
>She pushed everyone away; her friends, her family, her coworkers. She was alone; just like he was.
>She still needed a friend though to comfort her, but since she was alone, she needed something instead of someone.
>She rose from the couch and looked at the gin bottle, her head telling her to not do it.
>She listened to her heart though, which was crying out in anguish.
>She pulled the bottle off of the shelf and looked at it one last time before opening it.
>Leni never really did a whole lot of drinking, so she wasn't sure how to drink gin.
>She took a whiff of stuff, her nose being assaulted by the strong smell.
>She knew she had to cut it with something, so she looked around her fridge, finding some grapefruit juice.
>She mixed the two drinks together, and took a sip; it actually tasted good.
>"Maybe... Maybe this will make it go away. Maybe this is what I need..."
>She quickly began to drink it, her body starting to resist. She choked a little as she downed it and by the time she had finished the glass, she could feel the alcohol being kicked out of her system.
>She held it in though; she was counting on the gin to help her.
>After a bit, she started to feel a buzz going on, and it felt good; she needed more.
>She began to mix another drink, her pace almost frantic.
>She drank and she drank, each glass tasting better than the last.
>Soon everything around her melted, all of her worries, her fears, and her guilt.
>Before she knew it, the bottle was empty.
>Leni felt sick; she ran to the bathroom, her body forcefully kicking out the poison that flooded her system.
>After she was done, she managed to flush the toilet and fell asleep with her head next to it.
>She woke up the next morning, her head hurting as she tried to gain an understanding of her surroundings.
>"What? Why am I in the bathroom?"
>She recounted the night, though she could only remember bits and pieces.
>One thing she did remember though was how good she felt after drinking so much. She remembered how the pain went away, even if it was only for a little bit.
>She managed to get herself ready for work, and made it through the day in silence.
>She stopped by the store again to pick up another bottle, as well as some other ingredients to make more mixed drinks.
>She arrived home, emptying the bottles onto her counter.
>Opening another gin bottle, she began the cycle again, using the alcohol to dull the guilt, just as it dulled Anon's loneliness.
>Years went by, her falling further and further into alcoholism.
>Just like it did with Anon though, soon the gin couldn't obscure the pain that she felt.
>She drank more and more, eventually going through multiple bottles, trying to get that feeling back.
>She knew though, she had two options: either move on and break the addiction or stay forever in the pit that she was stuck in.
>She tried; she tried to break away from the alcohol, but she just couldn't do it. Even if it wasn't working anymore, she didn't how she could live without it.
>Eventually things spiraled further and further out of control, until one day when clarity was reached.
>She sat on her couch, gin in hand, as she stared at the T.V.
>There was no escaping this; she tried to and it didn't work. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't escape Anon.
>"Is this what you felt Anon?" Said Leni as she leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "Is this what I did to you?"
>She had felt so lost since Anon died; she finally reached a conclusion though. She knew that the pain was inescapable.
>She got up and made her way to the kitchen, where she made multiple drinks, lining them up.
>She then walked to her medicine cabinet in the bathroom and picked up all the medication that she could find, setting it next to the drinks.
>She grabbed a piece of paper, just like Anon did and wrote a single sentence on it.

>"I'm sorry."

>She popped open the medicine top and grabbed a handful, washing it down with the first drink.
>She coughed, she wanted to throw up; it hurt.
>She took another handful, washing it down with the next drink.
>She could now feel it; she could feel herself shutting down. She coughed again, this time blood spattering onto her hands.
>She took yet another handful, then another, washing it down with gin.
>She felt it, she knew it was coming. She coughed again, beginning to choke on her blood.
>She took her note and shambled her way to her bedroom, her legs starting to give out before she fell onto her bed.
>She closed her eyes, clutching the note. Uttering out,

>"Goodnight... Anon..."