[S] YOU THERE. BOY.

spriteclicks
"WHAT'S THAT"
"It looks different now. After you bit that APPLE, your whole house seemed to be trasported somewhere. Then the APPLE disappeared and the KERNELSPRITE underwent a transformation. Aside from the change in appearance, the transformation doesn't seem to have any relevant ramifications. You still can't understand a word this idiot says."

"THE GHOST CLOWN. DO SOMETHING WITH IT."
"The 'GHOST CLOWN' is called the KERNELSPRITE! Or, rather just the SPRITE now, I suppose. You can't 'DO SOMETHING' with it at the moment! The only thing you can theoretically do with it is TIER 2 PROTOTYPE IT, assuming that's still possible..."

"TIER PROTO TYPE THE SPRITE, OR THE THING YOU SAID. DO IT."
"You are not the one who is supposed to prototype it! The SBURB SERVER USER is supposed to do that."

charClicks
"YOU THERE. BOY."
"...What?"

"BOY. LISTEN TO ME, BOY."
"His name is John, you nincompoop."

"BOY WHO IS JOHN. DO AS I SAY."
"What would you like 'BOY WHO IS JOHN' to do?"

"OBEY MY COMMANDS, JOHN BOY."
"And those commands would be...?"

"I WOULD LIKE THE BOY TO INTERACT WITH HIS ENVIRONMENT IN A CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER."
"Maybe you should be a little more specific?"

"HAVE THE BOY ASSESS HIS CURRENT SITUATION."
"I'm afraid I can't 'HAVE THE BOY' do that. Tell him to do it yourself!"

"VERY WELL."
"...Ok."

"==>"
"That instruction does not do anything at the moment!!!"

"==>"
"Sigh. Could you please turn the controls over to a more competent user?"

"ASLFSAKLADAK"
"Increasingly sophomoric. Also, you almost spelled 'SALAD' in there."



outsideCuffs
"CLAIM THE DANGLING TREE-BAUBLE."
"The TRICK HANDCUFFS are still there! THANK GOD. And no, you are not about to try to 'claim' them just now."

outsideSwing
"BOY, ENGAGE THIS MANGLED TRAPESE-DISPLAY."
"Looks like your SWING SET is toast. You relive fond memories in a moment of sorrow."

outsideSlimer
"PONDER LAWN AMUSEMENT."
"Your childhood nemesis, the SPRING-MOUNTED POGO-RIDE, sadly was not swallowed by the void. It will have to wait another day for its comeuppance."

outsideWires
"FIDDLE WITH THE BRIGHT SPARKLY THINGS."
"That sounds incredibly dangerous! John sensibly disregards your awful advice."

outsideGauge
"ADMIRE THIS WALL-MOUNTED GADGET."
"Through some mysterious force, your house still seems to be powered, even though the wires are severed. Quite bizarre."

utilCabinet
"OPEN THESE AND RIFLE THROUGH THEM FOR GOODS."
"You don't give a shit about what's in there! Probably nothing you'd be inclined to use now anyway."

utilWasher
"THIS IS NO TIME FOR LAUNDRY."
"You're right. Thank you for being sensible about it."

kitchPhone
"THIS IS A TELEPHONE, BOY. USE IT."
"The phone doesn't work!"

kitchBowl
"PEEK IN BOWL OF GOO."
"Wherever your DAD went, he seems to have left in a hurry. For all his absurdities you have to put up with, you sure wish he were here right now."

kitchBetty
"SAMPLE POWDERED UNCOOKED DESSERT."
"Back ye miserable wench! Stay thy choking airborne particulates of temptation!!!"

KitchBook
"THIS BOOK IS TOO BIG FOR A YOUNG STUPID BOY."
"COLONEL SASSACRE'S is your favorite book! Almost as favorite as WISE GUY! They are both your favoritest of all time!"

kitchHutch
"PLUNDER CHEST."
"Would you like to play a game?"

kitchSplats
"EXAMINE THIS SMEARED SUBSTANCE."
"Is this... Oil? You wonder what happened in here. Where's your DAD?"

kitchPlant
"SNIFF VEGETABLE."
"Doesn't smell like anything."

studyRack
"DISREGARD THIS NONSENSE."
"Your DAD used this stuff sometimes to dazzle you with his silly vaudevillian escapades. Really, you couldn't roll your eyes hard enough at his corny act."

studyMagazine
"READ UNPLEASANT LITERATURE."
"SERIOUS JESTER MAGAZINE. FOR THOSE FOR WHOM CLOWNING AROUND IS SERIOUS BUSINESS."

studyCan
"CONSUME NUT."
"You would, but you're not sure if this dark realm has any hospitals."

studySafe
"OPEN THIS IRON VAULT, BOY."
"You don't know the combination!!!"

studyClown2
"SEEK THE RICHES HE GUARDS BELOW."
"This one offers a friendly wave. But yeah, this is really just another stupid piece of shit."

studyWindow
"LOOK HERE."
"It's dark out there. Can't see anything for miles."

studyPic2
"I SEE TREACHERY IN HIS EYES."
"Oh, he doesn't look so bad." studyPic1
"THIS MAN IS AN IMBECILE. IGNORE HIM."
"He's alright. Looks like he doesn't take himself to seriously, and knows how to have a good time. You can only assume your DAD hung it crooked to make it look more 'whimsical'."

studyJoker
"IT HAS A KNIFE. BE ALARMED BY THIS."
"R.I.P. Ledger."

studyClown1
"THROW THIS UGLY THING OUT THE WINDOW."
"You will not do that intentionally! You only resort to throwing stuff out the window via SYLLADEX mismanagement."

studyPipe
"IS THIS TOBACCO BURNING APPARATUS?"
"Yuck. You still have pipe-taste in your mouth."

studyMural
"INSPECT THIS MERRY BAND OF PERFORMERS."
"Cirque du Soleil once filed a restraining order against your father. You were never so embarrassed in your life."

studyCards
"THIS IS A MESS, BOY."
"You're so glad your DAD wasn't watching when you did this. He never would have let you hear the end of it."

studyPiano
"OPERATE THIS INSTRUMENT."
"You play your favorite haunting refrain."

bathWindow
"PEER THROUGH THAT WINDOW."
"At least your back yard was salvaged too. Sort of."

bathToilet
"YOUR PLUMBING APPEARS FAULTY."
"Man, Rose did such a piss-poor job of fixing the bathroom. It would almost certainly be a mistake to try to use the toilet! You guess you could just go pee over the edge of the cliff..."

bathTub
"YOUR PLUMBING APPEARS FAULTY."
"Man, Rose did such a piss-poor job of fixing the bathroom. It would almost certainly be a mistake to try to use the toilet! You guess you could just go pee over the edge of the cliff..."

hallPic
"I AM NOT FOND OF THIS SMUG FELLOW."
"THE MAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. What do you have up your sleeve there, Anderson? Look at that poker face. He's not telling a soul!"

hallDoorDad
"OPEN THIS."
"Your DAD'S room is still locked!!!"

roomMonsters
"INSPECT THIS GHASTLY MAN AND HIS BOY."
"'Fred Savage has a punchable face' your ass! More like a talented young actor's face who you would want to hang out with if you got the chance, and also if he were not a fully grown man now. Anyway, the thought of monsters lurking in your house scares the shit out of you, which is why this movie is so awesome. But the fact that those monsters could also be your BEST FRIEND is what makes it DOUBLY AWESOME."

roomCpu
"INVESTIGATE THIS DEVICE."
"It seems you are still connected to the internet. Rose is trying to get in touch with you. You will reply in a moment, once you have fully assessed your situation."

roomBook
"THIS FUNNYMAN TEXT. YOU SHOULD IGNORE IT."
"Just looking at the cover cracks you up! What a great book. Harry Anderson is your hero, and Mike Caveney's glowing treatment of the man does him every bit of justice. You'll have to give this another read soon."

roomLathe
"THIS HUGE SEWING MACHINE. OF WHAT USE IS IT."
"The PUNCH CARD seemed to contain the instructions for carving a TOTEM of a certain shape. You guess maybe other PUNCH CARDS will produce different shapes? It bears further exploration."

roomWindow
"BOY, LOOK THROUGH THIS WINDOW."
"At least your TIRE SWING remains unmolested. A tree without a tire swing is like... Like a house without a surrounding neighborhood, you guess."),

roomMacnme
"MARVEL AT THIS ADVENTURE IN OUTER SPACE."
"This movie is... Ok, this movie is really bad. Not even you can defend it. You've been meaning to take this poster down, actually."

roomGhostbusters
"ARMED FOES OF THE DECEASED?"
"Most people say the second one was not as great as the first, but you feel just the opposite. It was really cool and sort of gross how they hosed each other down with slime that made people angry. TG refers to the film as 'nasty manbro bukkake theater', whatever the hell that means."

roomConair
"IS THAT JOHN CUSACK?"
"Yeah, you guess so, but damn that door be coverin' up your man Cage something serious. That ain't cool!"

roomTowel
"ACQUIRE THIS SMALL PERSIAN RUG."
"It's a towel, dumbass! It will probably come in handy for cleaning up this weird mess in your room. Not that it's a huge priority, though."

roomSplats
"EXAMINE THIS UNPLEASANT FLUID."
"What is this stuff?"

roomBox
"OBSERVE THIS BOX."
"THE BUNNY IS NOT IN THE BOX. I SAID, THE BUNNY IS NOT IN THE BOX. WHY COULDN'T THE BUNNY BE IN THE BOX?"

roomBedDoor
"THIS DOOR. EXPLAIN THIS."
"Rose sure did a number on your house. But you guess she did manage to save your life. YOU GUESS."

livingQuin2
"NO NO NO NO NO. KEEP MOVING."
"Believe me, you have no intention of turning your head to observe this dreadful thing."

livingQuin1
"I DETEST THIS! DISREGARD IT?"
"The HARLEQUIN PAINTING? You have the sentiment in common with John then, I suppose."

livingBeagle
"THAT MAN WITH THE HUMOROUS SPECTACLES. ADMIRE HIM."
"Oh, Michael Cera. Your warm smile is a shining beacon in these dark times."

balcRail
"PEEK OVER THE RAILING."
"Getting close to the railing makes you a little nervous. It's a long way down."

balcCruxite
"EXAMINE THE STRANGE BLUE VASE."
"It is the piece of CRUXITE you carved with the TOTEM LATHE. When its contours were scanned, the ALCHEMITER was able to produce that tree. How odd!"

balcAlchemiter
"THIS LARGE PLATFORM. GOOD GRIEF, WHAT IS IT BOY?"
"The ALCHEMITER created the APPLE, or the tree that sprouted it rather, right on time to save you from destruction. You're not sure if you can say the same for your neighborhood though. You wonder what happened to your DAD?"

char
"YOU THERE. BOY."
"...What?"

balcDoor
"BOY, OPEN THIS DOOR AND WALK THROUGH IT."

livingDoorBalc
"WAIT GO BACK OUT HERE BOY."

livingDoorRoom
"BOY, GO IN HERE."

livingDoorHall
"WHAT IS DOWN HERE. PROCEED, BOY."

livingDoorKitchen
"THIS WAY. THROUGH THE DOORS LIKE YOU SEE IN A COWBOY SALOON."

livingDoorStudy
"HERE BOY. IN HERE."

studyDoor
"RETURN TO THE LARGE ROOM WITH THE GROSS PAINTINGS."

roomDoor
"GO OUT OF THE DOOR THAT IS NOT HERE."

hallDoorBath
"GO IN THERE NOW."

hallArrow
"NO GO BACK."

bathArrow
"LEAVE AT ONCE."

kitchArrow
"RETURN TO THE ROOM WITH THE DEAD HAG'S REMAINS."

kitchDoor
"OPEN THIS DOOR NOW."

utilArrow
"GO BACK INTO THE LUNCHEON PARLOR."

livingCrux
"MOVE THIS ABSURD EDIFICE AND EXIT YOUR HOUSE, BOY."
"This thing weighs a ton! You'd honestly be surprised if the game cursor could lift it, or at least not without a significant expense of GRIST. Of all the places for Rose to drop the infernal thing. More than ever you feel... what's the word you're looking for? Of course. Housetrapped."

utilDoor
"EXIT, BOY."

outsideDoor
"BACK INTO THE HOUSE WITH YOU."

kitchDrawing
"EXAMINE THIS ARTWORK."
"Your DAD was so proud when you drew this. He hung it up immediately and it's stayed there ever since. That was one week ago."

kSprite
"WHAT'S THAT"
"It looks different now. After you bit that APPLE, your whole house seemed to be trasported somewhere. Then the APPLE disappeared and the KERNELSPRITE underwent a transformation. Aside from the change in appearance, the transformation doesn't seem to have any relevant ramifications. You still can't understand a word this idiot says."

livingDolls
"DESTROY THESE DIMINUTIVE SOLDIERS OF MERRIMENT."
"It hardly seems worth it to go to the bother. You doubt you could get much for them at a garage sale even. Maybe a grubby palm of pennies and a kick in the nuts for the whole lot of 'em."

livingPokers
"WIELD THESE INSTRUMENTS OF COMBAT."
"Any one of these things would make a fine weapon. If only your STRIFE SPECIBUS wasn't already allocated. Oh well."

livingUrn
"TOPPLE THIS URN IMMEDIATELY."
"That would be disrespectful to your NANNA! You just won't do it!! Or not intentionally at least!!! You consider that it is fortunate she is no longer around to witness this sorrow. On the other hand, you would probably benefit from her elderly wisdom now..."

livingSoot
"STOW LUMP OF SOOT FOR FUTURE USE, BOY."
"That stuff is really dirty and you don't want it! Besides, you have it on good authority that a significant portion of it is comprised of asbestos."

livingLid
"USE THIS TO RESEAL THAT OPENING THERE."
"If only putting the lid back on the CRUXTRUDER would undo all it's done. Alas, Pandora's Tube has been opened."

livingPie
"A SMALL DESSERT TRAY? USELESS."
"In retrospect, it was pretty funny when your DAD pied you like that. Gotcha'd again by the old man!"

livingLamp
"WHY DOES THIS SMALL MAN STAND HERE?"
"This HARLEQUIN is always ready to serve you with illumination, whether you're reading a book, or just enjoying a nice pipe."

livingQuin4
"UGH, NO."
"So coy. So mysterious."

livingQuin3
"VILE. PAY NO MIND TO THIS FILTH."
"What is he even doing there? Playing with a ball or something? Clowns are stupid."

livingHead
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS RUBBISH."
"Ok, even YOU have to admit. This one's pretty funny! hehehehe!"

vault01
"SHENANIGANS"

PSSafe
"Retrieve arms from safe."
"You already HAVE arms stupid!"

Shoot safe
"With what?"

PSDesk
"Make desk into fort and visit IMAGINATION LAND!"
"Wow......So like... Where can I get some of YOUR drugs?"

PSWindow
"Unplug window"
"...It's a window..."
"Pick up window"
"That is so infeasable it hurts me."

PSPumpkin
"WOAH, WHAT? THIS IS THE PUMPKIN? HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!!!!!!1111"
"No it's pumpkin shaped graffiti..."

GAME DEV FACTS: All Elements (but the pumpkin) drawn by Andrew Hussie in Photoshop, imported and subsequently vectorized, organized, named, and scripted by Alexis 'Gankro' Beingessner... Who is a guy...148 Objects, 538 lines, 140 bitmaps, 9 souls, 2 pumpkins, This line of code is 16732 characters..."