Julia Kawa's parent Holly White has been blackmailing me for a week or so, saying she will only pay to have Juju see me if I say yes to having her stay a night at my place. One might immediately attempt to sympathize with this, given she is Juju's parent and is "concerned", but keep in mind a few of the details:
1. This was sprung on me at the last moment, when Juju was supposed to already be here.
2. She misrepresented this dilemma as an actual choice until I said no.
3. She pretended until very recently that this was some legal or official responsibility she had, and not just her way of getting into my space and business to no doubt have some peace of mind that I'm not some serial killer or something. She eventually admitted this was just for her and that it is not something she has to do.
4. She places the responsibility for this trip cancellation on me. Basically according to her this is all my fault for not being able to do this "human thing" when she created this situation at the last moment.
5. She does not understand that prior to this abusive nonsense I had actually planned to come back to England with Juju and stay with them (but now I cannot imagine sharing a space with this abusive person) She could've met me then, or she could've asked me to dinner upon arriving here with Juju and gotten to know me that way, or she could've just communicated and gotten to know me better over Facebook or Skype or whatever. Instead she's chosen to simply be irrationally paranoid that I am someone to be worried about and used her parental power to put this trip on hold until she can invade the private life of a mentally ill disabled trans woman with a troubled household life.
6. She has consistently shown she will put the needs and wants of her child second to her own ignorant parental power and concern.
7. She has consistently misinterpreted my lashing out in response to her abusive behaviour as indicative of some sort of deeper character flaw she should be concerned about, has voiced that my response to this has made her suspicious of me.
8. She is abusing Juju by asserting her illegitimate parental authority over xir, and deciding for xir the legitimacy of xir relationship with me.
9. At one point tried to contact my parent, as if I am a child, to go around my back and work something out when I am the one who is going to have Juju in my space, who will be caring for and looking after xir, will be supporting xir financially and emotionally. I pay rent, my parents have nothing to do with this, this was a gigantic disrespect and I have to thank my mother for telling me about this.
10. The reality is that Juju is not doing well mentally. Holly is abusing xir right now beyond anything to do with this trip. In various ways Holly has been emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusing xir. When Juju expresses suicidal idealation xe is facing tangible threat of institutionalization by xir mother, when xe threatens to run away xe knows that Holly will contact authorities. If Holly never allows this trip xe will be forced to live with her until xe is 18 and can become emancipated, I am afraid xe won't make it this long in that abusive enviroment. The reality is that if xe doesn't have my support right now, and isn't able to get away from xir situation xe might not make it, xe might kill xirself, this isn't something Holly takes as seriously as she should. This is not something she treats with the proper gravity and respect.
I am publicizing this because abuse like this should be publicized, abusers should face responsibility for this shit, we should not be abused in silence.
From the beginning I've made it clear the reality of the situation is that with my anxiety I am barely okay having Juju in my space, this is something huge for me. To have anyone in communicating distance with my abusive / embarassing parents, to see the pathetic state of my depressive life right now, to share my space with me, is harder than anyone including xir mother can understand. So I said no, I said it forcefully, I said it nicely. I became upset and lashed out at her many times, this is what happens when you blackmail someone who cannot say yes, when you abuse my partner under the guise of caring for them, when you try to manipulate and shame me for acting predictably.
Feel free to leave a comment and let Juju's mother what you think of this shit.