Dear Paul,
 
Thank you for your email.  Here at Warner Howard, we know exactly how you feel and how the frustration of using substandard, often unfit-for-purpose hand dryers can impact on a person’s whole wellbeing. The crushing realisation of the countless hours wasted hopefully hanging one’s hands in front of a product that, once it coughs gingerly to life, we are well aware will never perform the task it was affixed to the wall in order to perform. The embarrassingly wet trousers that we have no option but to use in order to finish the job. The knowing looks of those as you leave the washroom, and the nagging feeling that they may not realise the wholly innocent reason for your damp mid-region.
 
And that is why, here at Warner Howard we have dedicated the last 50 years in an unfaltering, single minded attempt to eradicate this desperate and distressing debacle.  
 
We have unleashed our engineering beasts and let them out into the sunshine, where they have grown from strength to strength - and our products have grown with them. We dream of a world in which the pain you and millions of others have experienced is consigned to the annals of history. Where hands are dried efficiently, effectively, expertly, with expediency and respect for the environment.
 
Our task will take time, but little by little we are winning the war. Someday the war will be won, and with your enthusiasm for hand dryers and Warner Howard’s experience, we will win it together!
 
We would therefore like to send you your very own, brand new, top of the range Airforce..... free of charge.  This is a machine that uses the finest engineering talent that the UK has to offer and will leave your hands perfectly dry before you have even had a chance to contemplate its range of impressive features.  This is a dryer which, while ultra low energy at just 1.1kW (as opposed to the Airstream 5000T’s 2.4kW), emits air at a lung busting 37,000rpm – a far cry from the ‘asthmatic’ 5000T’s 5500rpm.
 
Simply send me your address and the Airforce’s dynamic drying power will be with you in short order.  Any competent electrician will have no trouble installing this unit and I feel confident that your heart will soar at the smooth, clean lines and fast, effective drying power of our favourite product.  We hope you and the Airforce will be very happy together.
 
Kind regards