Frequently Asked Questions, and their answers, for alt.depressed.as.fuck

Welcome, I guess, to alt.depressed.as.fuck where your sympathy, your cures
and your support are unwanted.  Try the various *.support.* groups,
alt.cuddle and alt.backrub for warmth and fuzziness.

Q1:  What is the purpose of alt.depressed.as.fuck?
A1:  To vent about depression without forking over $150 an hour.  This is
     what happens when one has access to a news server after one too many
     snifters of brandy.

Q2:  How do you know when you're depressed.as.fuck?
A2:  If it can't get any better, but can get much, much worse you're not
     just depressed, you're depressed.as.fuck.
     If the first thing you would do if you ever managed to get out of bed
     was to attempt suicide, you're depressed.as.fuck.
     If booze is your best friend, especially the delicious hangovers that
     blot out the feelings of depression for at least a day, you're 
     depressed.as.fuck.
     Basically, if you have the energy to ask if you are depressed.as.fuck
     then you probably are not depressed.as.fuck

Q3:  Should I ask my friends for help with my depression?
A3:  Only if their names are Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, Remy
     Martin or Johnny Walker.  Otherwise they will be faithless leeches.

Q4:  Should I listen to the voices in my head?
A4:  That depends on what they tell you to do.  If they suggest colorful
     means of multicide that would provide some form of schadenfreude
     infotainment for others who are depressed.as.fuck, then by all means
     listen to them.  If, OTOH, they tell you to find God, ignore them.
     However, there is probably not much point anyway, except to lay down
     and wait to die.

Q5:  Is suicide truly painless?
A5:  No one has complained yet.

Q6:  Is there a group motto?
A6:  Yes.  "Be strong in death" and "Leave me the FUCK alone!!!"

Q7:  What activities are suggested for someone who is depressed.as.fuck?
A7:  Listening to Joy Division, the Swans and/or Tool, trying to sleep, 
     drinking heavily, chain smoking, mutilating yourself or paying someone
     to do it for you, alienating your alleged friends, cleaning 
     your gun(s), watching the news, completing your will.  For synergetic
     effect, try several of these activities in one day.  (e.g. carving
     Joy Division or Tool lyrics into your thigh after slamming down the
     last shot of booze.)
 
Q8:  Is life worth living?
A8:  No.
 
Q9:  How often should I read a.d.a.f?
A9:  Once.  All the articles are the same.  Life sucks.  People are horrid.
     Death is better.
 
Q10:  How often should I post to a.d.a.f?
A10:  Every day you are depressed.as.fuck.

Q11:  What does "fucking" have to do with being depressed?
A11:  Sometimes being fucked leads to being severely depressed.
	Sometimes not being fucked leads to being severely depressed.
	Usually there is fuck all one can do about being severely depressed.

Q12:	What are the different flavors of being depressed.as.fuck?
A12:	A comprehensive list is being developed.  Some types of depression
	identified to date are:

	Everybody hates me.
	I hate everyone.
	Nobody could possibly love me.
	I'm so lonely I could die.
	Why won't everyone just leave me the fuck alone?
	Everything is boring.
	Everything sucks.
	I'm overwhelmed by everything.
	Nothing matters.
	Why aren't I dead yet?
	In the long run, we're all dead.  So, why bother?
	My body is my enemy.
	

	Being depressed.as.fuck usually involves three or more different
	flavors of depression occurring simultaneously.