Hello. I am a regular user of the Airstream 5000T hand dryer. Not by choice, but by the fact it's installed in our office building.

I'm wondering - was I very mean in a past life, or evil, in order to deserve such pathetic hand drying power in this life?

As I stand in front of the unit, desperately trying to activate the hand sensor, to have it blow asthmatically at my paws for a matter of seconds before preserving its energy, I start to wonder about the finer points of actually living. It gets a bit existential, and most of the time, a bit dark too, I admit.

Later in the day, when my hands finally are dried by the 5000T, I came to realise that I had aged. Physically, sure, no different, as we all age over time. But mentally, I was a different person.

Mostly, I had simply developed a hatred for the engineer who decided that this was enough hand drying power. I have now come to realise that it's more of a systematic failure. An excited engineer must have demonstrated it to their line manager, exclaiming the cost vs efficacy ratio was outstanding. The line manager, rather than hurting the engineer's feelings, said "Yes, John, it's great. We'll sell it as a low-energy high-value model for a customer; it'll make them really happy."

John went home feeling great; his model was approved for sale. But of course, it was just an exercise in managing an employee's mental well being. And I can appreciate that, it's important to keep engineers happy. They're fickle beasts, and don't like sunlight; I can't imagine how they'd handle rejection.

I guess I accept this happened. Nothing can bring back the time spent fruitlessly trying to dry my hands with the 5000T. But it doesn't fill the void in my life caused by this abomination of metal and plastic attached to the wall.

I also don't know what happened to the other 4,999 models of the Airstream before the 5000 was considered the one for our wall. Presumably the 4,999 previous models had been bested by the 5000T by the time whoever purchased it came to make their decision. I don't know; it wasn't me. I wish it had been me; I think I could make quite an informed hand dryer purchasing decision. None of that Dyson Airblade or XLerator rubbish for me. I like a hand dryer made with experience, not fickle gimmicks. It'd have to be Warner Howard for me each time. But now, I don't know man, you're throwing my emotions around.

I don't know much about hand dryers, I'll be honest. I'm more of a web engineer, if you could call me that at all. I don't know if something is unfairly impeding the performance of the 5000T I have come to use. I don't know if it's been neglected by building management, and is struggling to even provide basic services. That'd make me feel absolutely terrible… like abusing a near-death patient for failing to perform as usual. That would put the whole thing in a new light.

I don't know what I expect from this email. But I want SOMEONE to know the sadness this hand dryer causes to my life. 

I guess in conclusion, my hands are often damp thanks to the 5000T, and my heart is left soggy as a result.

It's been emotional.

Thanks.