The following excerpts from the Elder Scrolls are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a casuel would take anything written here as fact. --- Original post by Anonymous: >be me >be last month, in imperial city, at a bar >pound back three bottles of cyrodiilic brandy >snort a fat line of moon sugar >feelsgoodman.png >see an imperial grill at other end of the bar >8/10 qt3.14, nice rack, tight ass >usually a bit of a secunda, but wasted enough to masser the fuck up >head over and tip my colovian fur helm >"gosh, anon, i like your hat" >fuckyes.jpg >"m'lady, if you entertain the sight of this hat, i might only think you would lust after my /other/ hat" >she sheds a single tear at my astounding poise and wit >take her upstairs to my room >we banged ok >get woken up the next morning >six imperial legionnaires in my room, one looks like a general or something >grill nowhere to be seen >"you're coming with us," says the general >super fucking confused, and have a raging hangover >"why, what'd i do?" >"you raped my daughter" >ofck >fucking feminist bitch probably regretted it the morning after >no idea what to say, so i just kind of stare at him might post more if you s'witlords are interested --- Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb: seems like this might be good, OP, continue --- Posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua: >tip my colovian fur helm holy shit op is a fargoth >you raped my daughter top fucking kek, might watch this thread --- Quoting previous post, posted by DibellaSparkles!nkxIlgfza: >thinking rape is funny >3E426+1 i mean i guess it's par for the course for a fucking daedra and you sound like scum, op --- Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA: MOAR OP PLZ!!11!1eleven!!! --- The next several posts are a back-and-forth exchange of low-quality snark and bait between namefargoths M0lagBallin and DibellaSparkles. His pathetic attempts at alpha-ness and her desperate attention-whoring are both painfully obvious. --- Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb: for fuck's sake you two should get a room and let op finish also dibella tits or gtfo, you know the rules --- Posted by Anonymous: [[The attached picture is a crudely-shopped reaction image of Orvas Dren laughing, with a glass of liquor in hand]] k, i'll post the rest >imperial general clubs me over the head >wake up in a prison carriage next to a fucking catboy >also some dunmer thug with one eye >still hungover and feeling the need for some moon sugar >don't even have my colovian fur helm >feelsbadman.jpg >look at the thug and ask him where the fuck we are >"in a carriage, heading for morrowind." >"why in oblivion are we going to morrowind" >"fuck if i know, mer, i just beat up some kid for his sweetroll" >awkward silence the rest of the way until we board a ship >i'm exhausted so i pass the fuck out >have some weird ass hallucination dream with a fucking cliff racer in it >some bitch is saying i'm chosen >wake up since sweetroll-thug is shaking me >"wake up, you were dreaming. what's your name?" >tell him my fucking name, since why try at this point >this s'witlord starts laughing >"what kind of name is 'Nerrvurrin'?" >a little pissed, ask him what his name is >"Ice Jiub." >mfw --- Posted by SwagDaddySheo!97dsbnagna: >ice-jiub fucking 10/10 --- Quoting previous post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua: sure is summer in this thread --- Also quoting SwagDaddySheo's post, posted by NocturnalGoddess!sbabzzgjsf: seriously, you're the cancer that is killing these scrolls --- Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA: MOAR OP PLZ MY EYES ARE LITERALLY BLEEDING HERE --- Posted by Anonymous: [[The attached picture is an image of a Senche-Tiger with its snout covered in white powder, captioned "KHAJIIT FUCKING LOVES THE SUGAR"]] >anyway, end up in this backwater town called Seyda Neen >have to explain to like six different retards that i'm actually a dunmer and do in fact have a penis >some seventy year old pedophile even wants to know my birthsign >tell him it's the serpent just to make him shut up >these s'witlords release me for some fucking reason and tell me to deliver a package >actually meet some fargoth named Fargoth, who acts exactly like a stereotypical fargoth >i can't even make this shit up >hop on the silt strider to get to civilization as quickly as possible >end up in a city called Balmora, where the package recipient lives >show up at his place >mfw it's a shirtless, balding skooma-addict >mfw there's moon sugar >i knock this guy out then snort three fat lines >wait for him to wake up, dump the package on him >he's pretty pissed but gives me a bunch of gold and says i'm a blade >"what the fuck is a blade" >he explains that i'm now the emperor's secret agent >don't bother to tell him i was thrown in jail for rape i was honestly too high for the next couple of weeks to remember much beyond talking to a bunch of boring people and stabbing a few fetchers in a dwemer ruin --- Posted by Anonymous: [[The attached picture is an image of a very stoned-looking dunmer male]] >wake up in a monastery >7/10 qt priest grill is telling me i'm some kind of chosen one >lol whatever, k >ask her if she wants to see my chosen one >she's totally into it >we banged ok >didn't even need a colovian fur helm this time >think to myself that all morrowind grills must be sloots >i skip town before she wakes up and head to vivec city to find more moon sugar and bitches >get really really trashed >end up staggering into some palace with this catboy thief >some twink is floating around inside >looks surprised that we got past the lock >catboy passes out >i take his skooma and offer some to the floating ladyboytwinkthing >it declines me >think to myself that this is too fucking surreal >might be a dream >don't wake up >oshit, lucid dreaming tho >i imagine some more moon sugar into existence and snort it >ask the twinkgirlboi if it wants to have sex because, hey, why not? >it declines me again >it tells me to gtfo before it throws me out >masser the fuck up because this is my dream you s'witlord >imagine the twink to death >it's dead >decide to loot the place, only find some gauntlet and a bunch of weird papers >papers talk about some 'dagoth ur' fargoth >papers talk about how vivec plans to kill him >mfw i just imagined some god-twink to death >remember it's just a fucked up dream --- Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA: OP PLS I NEED MOAR NOW PL- sfa;kgq3ghasgajSGADGHASGGAGAG --- Quoting the above post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua: rofl he's blind STAY #REKT MOTHFARGOTH also, >the floating ladyboytwinkthing i fucked his ass once, it was 3/10 --- Quoting the above post, posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb: pics plz --- The next several posts form an image dump of frames from a Molag Bal/Vivec sex tape. --- Posted by Anonymous: i fapped, but anyway >read the documents and stuff, imagine that the twink was just jealous of this dagoth ur thing >probably a hot trap >head to red mountain and walk downstairs into this dwemer complex >some dude in a gold mask is hanging out with some creepy old ash guys >there's a weird heart-thing in a giant fake person >one of these ash dudes has a shortsword, the other has a hammer >they all give me the rapeface >nope.jpg >imagine them all to death too >snort some fat lines of the moon sugar >pretty fucking high at this point >decide that it's a good idea to use the heart as a bongo and the sword and hammer as drumsticks >bang around on it for a while >suddenly it explodes >whatthefuck.png >giant fake person falls into the lava below >realize that my hands are charred to the bone for some reason >whatever, imagine that they're fine >they're fine >wandered around morrowind for a while until i found a scroll >took me a while to figure out the jargon >saw you s'witlords shitposting >decided to post as well so yeah, that's it. --- Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb: 8/10 story OP. you seem like a pretty cool dude. should come hang out with me in Akavir and bang qt3.14 snake grills. --- Quoting the above post, posted by Anonymous: cool, I'll imagine i'm there, just give me a sec. --- Subsequent image posts in the thread are of Sanguine, in the form of a Dremora, and a Dunmer male. They all involve obscene amounts of drugs and sexay-fein Tsaesci women. One is captioned, "u mirin n'wah?"