#xkcd, where gay sex means genetics. Who the hell is Data? So, my mom just told me that last year in school, my little brother threatened to kick a girl in the penis. At least we can all spell "sex". All my imaginary cookies are belong to snark : ( Damn it, Aberro, don't make me laugh while I'm using my esophagus. Hey, you're in #xkcd too wsa. Get fucking. It's not a bear hug without flesh wounds. I'm gonna have so much fun with this thing. There's only one possibility. My garage door opener is gay. "Your efforts in a critical area will soon be rewarded...except in bed." So according to jews, we were created by an intelligent being, in that being's image. And now he wants us to cut off part of our penis. The hell did he make that part? remember cuddlefish foreskins 1) Somebody mentions penis. I'd finish far too quickly >.< I just pulled it out. wooooah, it's weird for the windows to be rigid again. Because I really want a spinning hamster now. But my shorts are shorter, and you're holding scissors >.< Do not abuse the power of caps lock. It's like desecrating the grave of Billy Mays. Thankfully, most of those viruses are /in/ bucket, so if you don't penetrate the plastic, you'll survive. So not only could I have walked into a convienience store and asked for a tampon, I looked like a hobo. You can go away now, sheepbat. I can handle the spanking. My mom informs me that my aunt was not there passing out pixie sticks. I slept in the car. Fuck teepees. I'll have you know, my shitshaft was totally accurate. Woah, I gotta fart more often. Yeah, why doesn't anyone rhyme heart with fart? The only reason I can think of for having a vibrating razor is actually somewhat dangerous. How can I have offended sex? I've never even met it. I don't get it. You want sex so bad, so we sent you a guy in a snuggie. Now you're complaining? Sticking a teapot spout up your nose and getting water to come out the other side is not intuitive. Would be easier if all the female nicks had boobs in them. Just saying. How do you give someone placebo anal sex? Aight, lets all go in Aberro and play pirates. In America, sitcom laugh at YOU. Well, "hunting rifle" = made for hunting. "assult rifle" = made for mowing down people. My initial thought has always been to suck out. Dunno why. It's not a public place just because it's open to the public. A bunch of nerds are trying convince you to take a shower. I think that's a sign. Ack, my ass is full of fun now. How do I get it out? Remember, children, don't forget to declare your alphabet soup as plaintext or you'll have a digestion error. You're doing it all wrong. There's no "penis" in there. it's small enough for a CD, you have one of those? I mean, I was expecting it to be big, but damn. Mini Mi = holy shit, it's made out of m, n, and i. I don't know why I'm so impressed with this at the moment. The problem: They needed to follow the two instructions on the screen. lol. I was determined to stay up all night. About 8:00am I wake up, laptop in my lap, hands on the keyboard. Heh, there's a 10" version of it now. I was playing with the 7" one. I have no idea what we're talking about, it's just that it sounds funnier if there's extra semen in it. But three inches is a lot. My mom is kind of a height measuring Nazi. The three rules of quote evasion: 1) Don't ask people to not quote you. 2) Don't say stupid things. 3) Don't talk about penis. Ever. Or things that sound like penis. It doesn't look like a thong, but nothing ever looks normal on a shuttle... Speaking of human hair buttplugs...wow, never thought I'd make this segue. So...what you're saying is that you have an imperial penis? ZOMG! It's pi day! I've missed it for liek three days in a row. I got sick of cord noise and having shit in my ears, so I got some nice cans. Didn't meat my great grandfathers. Hey, everyone, if a refrigerator box commits a crime any time soon, it's natjo. ♪♫ Bucket, bucket, you little twit / Give me my kidneys back you piece of shit ♪♫ My dad knew a contractor that got a free toilet for every five that he bought. Maybe it's something like that. I couldn't finish. hardcore eczema masturbation in the chemestry lab closet? I'd rather have my commercials uninterrupted by football. Fuck saving the world. There's mattresses to throw :D I wish people would stop saying "Holy shit!" when I walk out of the bathroom. Bahaha, my mom almost called Papas, John instead of Papa Johns. Wait, Nougatti was casually browsing your ass? You get a ++, and you get a ++. EVERYONE GETS A ++ I refuse to eat any non laser etched balogna for the rest of my life. ♪♫ ♪♫ No more keyboards or mice, just mash your meat against the UI to do things. oh wait we got through an entire Dr. Who discussion without anyone going "melody: pond" Yes. Fuck jigglypuff again. Oh God, the Eternal Father, I would like to dedicate and set apart this desktop computer, for thy holy work. Please bless it that it will not succumb to infection, and that it may be forever clean from the software of Satan. Amen. So, to verify, that's Tango Alpha Buttsex two five four seven three? In capitalist America, bank rob you. "This account has no duck." "...working as intended?" "Document root, sorry. There's no document root." Though you could probably throw it by secretly looking at porn or something instead of the content to be reviewed. I'd marry a robot to win. * melody holds the bible tightly and rocks back and forth. < melody> Somehow the twisty tie from the new loaf of bread got into my breakfast. Yeah I'm an awesome cook. Is a couch gag anything like a ball gag? Cat didn't want to be touched, but it would spy on me through the windows. "you are having a bad problem and will not go to space today" is also exactly my experience with Kerbal Space Program. "Unable to Determine Parse Mode!", yes validator.w3.org, I have that problem with #xkcd sometimes too. My parents are all "who are you talking to". And I'm like "the internet shut up". "What are they talking about?" "....a bucket." I think I still have Zeus registered, just in case of God nickfap party. If stupid jokes were not allowed, Bucket would be long gone. What did you do to your child?! *waterboard* Blarg, I can't convince Cleverbot that I'm also an immortal machine intelligence. Damn you. I installed dictionary of numbers and forgot about it and didn't see it on any websites. Until I logged into my online banking right now and apparently all my monies "≈ Low-end bicycle". I wish Jesus was a real immortal being and that he could hear me. I wouldn't repent or anything, but I'd have someone to talk to all the time. The exhaust port is a weird place to whisper sweet nothings to... A bucket threesome is the worst kind of threesome. It's bubblegum ass ointment time? na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na nano! fuck. is downforeveryoneorjustme.com down for everyone or just me? Oh cool it's my merica that's showing and not my youth. Bots in here are ferret, billygoat, bucket, and Randall No, Microsoft will go with WBox. "Always online DRM? Are you drunk?" "No, look at the name, we're sober enough to say the alphabet backwards." your face is invalid markup well, having a plus sign is sort of like having a little glass "break in case of khmer +m" box. damn. I want one just to watch people lose their goddamn minds when I pull it out My favorite strategy is to bump the version number up as soon as I start to consistantly remember the current version number. someday, someone might change khmer to cheese or something If someone had a beard long enough to slap me with, I think I would potentially be mildly aroused. They'll show up on the front step wearing nothing but a snuggie and you don't even have to ask them to. "friendzoned" is just what the phrase "not romantically interested in you" looks like when wearing a fedora