def method_missing*a;end class Module;def const_missing*a;end;end (Kernel.methods+methods-[:eval,:object_id,:__send__]).each{|m|eval"def #{m}*a;end"} begin So theres a man crawling through the desert Hed decided to try his SUV in_ a little bit of crosscountry travel had great fun zooming over the badlands and_ through the sand got lost hit a big rock and_ then_ he couldnt get it started again There were no cell phone towers anywhere near so his cell phone was useless He had no family his parents had died a few years before in_ an auto accident and_ his few friends had no idea he was out here He stayed with the car for_ a day or_ so but his one bottle of water ran out and_ he was getting thirsty He thought maybe he knew the direction back now that hed paid attention to the sun and_ thought hed figured out which way was north so he decided to start walking He figured he only had to go about some miles or_ so and_ hed be back to the small town hed gotten gas in_ last He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and_ sun but based upon how dark it actually was the night before and_ given that he has no flashlight hes afraid that hell break_ a leg or_ step on a rattlesnake So he puts on some sun block puts the rest in_ his pocket for_ reapplication later brings an umbrella hed had in_ the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in_ case_ he gets that desperate brings his pocket knife in_ case_ he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in_ it and_ heads out in_ the direction he thinks is right He walks for_ the entire day By the end_ of the day hes really thirsty Hes been sweating all day and_ his lips are starting to crack Hes reapplied the sunblock twice and_ tried to stay under the umbrella but he still feels sunburned The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in_ the bottle in_ his pocket is really getting tempting now He knows that its mainly water and_ some ethanol and_ coloring but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it He wonders what the poison is and_ whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst He pushes on trying to get to that small town before dark By the end_ of the day he starts getting worried He figures hes been walking at least some miles an hour according to his watch for_ over some hours That means that if_ his estimate was right that he should be close to the town But he doesnt recognize any of this He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or_ two back and_ he doesnt remember coming through it in_ the SUV He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and_ that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path He tells himself that hes close and_ that after dark hell start seeing the town lights over one of these hills and_ thatll be all he needs As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and_ things he finds a spot and_ sits down to wait for_ full dark and_ the town lights Full dark comes before he knows it He must have dozed off He stands back up and_ turns all the way around He sees nothing but stars He wakes up the next_ morning feeling absolutely lousy His eyes are gummy and_ his mouth and_ nose feel like theyre full of sand He so thirsty that he cant even swallow He barely got any sleep because it was so cold Hed forgotten how cold it got at night in_ the desert and_ hadnt noticed it the night before because hed been in_ his car He knows the Rule of Threes three minutes without air three days without water three weeks without food then_ you die Some people can make it a little longer in_ the best situations But the desert heat and_ having to walk and_ sweat isnt the best situation to be without water He figures unless_ he finds water this is his last day He rinses his mouth out with a little of the windshield wiper fluid He waits a while_ after spitting that little bit out to see if_ his mouth goes numb or_ he feels dizzy or_ something Has his mouth gone numb Is it just in_ his mind Hes not_ sure Hell go a little farther and_ if_ he still doesnt find water hell try drinking some of the fluid Then he has to face his next_ harder question which way does he go from here Does he keep walking the same way he was yesterday assuming that he still knows which way that is or_ does he try a new direction He has no idea what to do_ Looking at the hills and_ dunes around him he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before Just going by a feeling he points himself somewhat to the left of that and_ starts walking As he walks the day starts heating up The desert too cold just a couple of hours before soon becomes an oven again He sweats a little at first and_ then_ stops He starts getting worried at that when_ you stop sweating he knows that means youre in_ trouble usually right before heat stroke He decides that its time to try the windshield wiper fluid He cant wait any longer if_ he passes out hes dead He stops in_ the shade of a large rock takes the bottle out opens it and_ takes a mouthful He slowly swallows it making it last as long as he can It feels so good in_ his dry and_ cracked throat that he doesnt even care about the nasty taste He takes another mouthful and_ makes it last too Slowly he drinks half the bottle He figures that since hes drinking it he might as well drink enough to make some difference and_ keep himself from passing out Hes quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid If it kills him it kills him if_ he didnt drink it hed die anyway Besides hes pretty sure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for_ the ethanol content He can handle throwing up if_ it comes to that He walks He walks in_ the hot dry windless desert Sand rocks hills dunes the occasional scrawny cactus or_ dried bush No sign of water Sometimes hell see a little movement to one side or_ the other but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it Probably birds lizards or_ mice Maybe snakes though they usually move more at night Hes careful to stay away from the movements After a while_ he begins to stagger Hes not_ sure if_ its fatigue heat stroke finally catching him or_ maybe he was wrong and_ the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought He tries to steady himself and_ keep going After more walking he comes to a large stretch of sand This is good He knows he passed over a stretch of sand in_ the SUV he remembers doing donuts in_ it Or at least he thinks he remembers it hes getting woozy enough and_ tired enough that hes not_ sure what he remembers any more or_ if_ hes hallucinating But he thinks he remembers it So he heads off into it trying to get to the other side hoping that it gets him closer to the town He was heading for_ a town wasnt he He thinks he was He isnt sure any more Hes not_ even sure how long hes been walking any more Is it still morning Or has it moved into afternoon and_ the sun is going down again It must be afternoon it seems like its been too long since he started out He walks through the sand After a while_ he comes to a big dune in_ the sand This is bad He doesnt remember any dunes when_ driving over the sand in_ his SUV Or at least he doesnt think he remembers any This is bad But he has no other direction to go Too late to turn back now He figures that hell get to the top of the dune and_ see if_ he can see anything from there that helps him find the town He keeps going up the dune Halfway up he slips in_ the bad footing of the sand for_ the second or_ third time and_ falls to his knees He doesnt feel like getting back up hell just fall down again So he keeps going up the dune on his hand and_ knees While crawling if_ his throat werent so dry hed laugh Hes finally gotten to the hackneyed image of a man lost in_ the desert crawling through the sand on his hands and_ knees If would be the perfect image he imagines if_ only his clothes were more ragged The people crawling through the desert in_ the cartoons always had ragged clothes But his have lasted without any rips so far Somebody will probably find his dessicated corpse half buried in_ the sand years from now and_ his clothes will still be in_ fine shape shake the sand out and_ a good wash and_ theyd be wearable again He wishes his throat were wet enough to laugh He coughs a little instead and_ it hurts He finally makes it to the top of the sand dune Now that hes at the top he struggles a little but manages to stand up and_ look around All he sees is sand Sand and_ more sand Behind him about a mile away he thinks he sees the rocky ground he left to head into this sand Ahead of him more dunes more sand This isnt where he drove his SUV This is Hell Or close enough Again he doesnt know what to do_ He decides to drink the rest of the wiper fluid while_ figuring it out He takes out the bottle and_ is removing the cap when_ he glances to the side and_ sees something Something in_ the sand At the bottom of the dune off to the side he sees something strange Its a flat area in_ the sand He stops taking the cap of the bottle off and_ tries to look closer The area seems to be circular And its dark darker than the sand And there seems to be something in_ the middle of it but he cant tell what it is He looks as hard as he can and_ still can tell from here Hes going to have to go down there and_ look He puts the bottle back in_ his pocket and_ starts to stumble down the dune After a few steps he realizes that hes in_ trouble hes not_ going to be able to keep his balance After a couple of more sliding tottering steps he falls and_ starts to roll down the dune The sand it so hot when_ his body hits it that for_ a minute he thinks hes caught fire on the way down like a movie car wreck flashing into flames as it goes over the cliff before it ever even hits the ground He closes his eyes and_ mouth covers his face with his hands and_ waits to stop rolling He stops at the bottom of the dune After a minute or_ two he finds enough energy to try to sit up and_ get the sand out of his face and_ clothes When he clears his eyes enough he looks around to make sure that the dark spot in_ the sand it still there and_ he hadnt just imagined it So seeing the large flat dark spot on the sand is still there he begins to crawl towards it Hed get up and_ walk towards it but he doesnt seem to have the energy to get up and_ walk right now He must be in_ the final stages of dehydration he figures as he crawls If this place in_ the sand doesnt have water hell likely never make it anywhere else_ This is his last chance He gets closer and_ closer but still cant see whats in_ the middle of the dark area His eyes wont quite focus any more for_ some reason And lifting his head up to look takes so much effort that he gives up trying He just keeps crawling Finally he reaches the area hed seen from the dune It takes him a minute of crawling on it before he realizes that hes no longer on sand hes now crawling on some kind of dark stone Stone with some kind of marking on it a pattern cut into the stone Hes too tired to stand up and_ try to see what the pattern is so he just keeps crawling He crawls towards the center where his blurry eyes still see something in_ the middle of the dark stone area His mind detached in_ a strange way notes that either his hands and_ knees are so burnt by the sand that they no longer feel pain or_ that this dark stone in_ the middle of a burning desert with a pounding punishing sun overhead doesnt seem to be hot It almost feels cool He considers lying down on the nice cool surface Cool dark stone Not a good sign He must be hallucinating this Hes probably in_ the middle of a patch of sand already lying face down and_ dying and_ just imagining this whole thing A desert mirage Soon the beautiful women carrying pitchers of water will come up and_ start giving him a drink Then hell know hes gone He decides against laying down on the cool stone If hes going to die here in_ the middle of this hallucination he at least wants to see whats in_ the center before he goes He keeps crawling Its the third time that he hears the voice before he realizes what hes hearing He would swear that someone just said Greetings traveler You do_ not_ look well Do you hear me He stops crawling He tries to look up from where he is on his hands and_ knees but its too much effort to lift his head So he tries something different he leans back and_ tries to sit up on the stone After a few seconds he catches his balance avoids falling on his face sits up and_ tries to focus his eyes Blurry He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands and_ tries again Better this time Yep He can see Hes sitting in_ the middle of a large flat dark expanse of stone Directly next_ to him about three feet away is a white post or_ pole about two inches in_ diameter and_ sticking up about four or_ five feet out of the stone at an angle And wrapped around this white rod tail with rattle on it hovering and_ seeming to be ready to start rattling is what must be a fifteen foot long desert diamondback rattlesnake looking directly at him He stares at the snake in_ shock He doesnt have the energy to get up and_ run away He doesnt even have the energy to crawl away This is it his final resting place No matter what happens hes not_ going to be able to move from this spot Well at least dying of a bite from this monster should be quicker than dying of thirst Hell face his end_ like a man He struggles to sit up a little straighter The snake keeps watching him He lifts one hand and_ waves it in_ the snakes direction feebly The snake watches the hand for_ a moment then_ goes back to watching the man looking into his eyes Hmmm Maybe the snake had no interest in_ biting him It hadnt rattled yet that was a good sign Maybe he wasnt going to die of snake bite after all He then_ remembers that hed looked up when_ hed reached the center here because he thought hed heard a voice He was still very woozy he was likely to pass out soon the sun still beat down on him even though he was now on cool stone He still didnt have anything to drink But maybe he had actually heard a voice This stone didnt look natural Nor did that white post sticking up out of the stone Someone had to have built this Maybe they were still nearby Maybe that was who talked to him Maybe this snake was even their pet and_ thats why it wasnt biting He tries to clear his throat to say Hello but his throat is too dry All that comes out is a coughing or_ wheezing sound There is no way hes going to be able to talk without something to drink He feels his pocket and_ the bottle with the wiper fluid is still there He shakily pulls the bottle out almost losing his balance and_ falling on his back in_ the process This isnt good He doesnt have much time left by his reckoning before he passes out He gets the lid off of the bottle manages to get the bottle to his lips and_ pours some of the fluid into his mouth He sloshes it around and_ then_ swallows it He coughs a little His throat feels better Maybe he can talk now He tries again Ignoring the snake he turns to look around him hoping to spot the owner of this place and_ croaks out Hello Is there anyone here He hears from his side Greetings What is it that you want He turns his head back towards the snake Thats where the sound had seemed to come from The only thing he can think of is that there must be a speaker hidden under the snake or_ maybe built into that post He decides to try asking for_ help Please he croaks again suddenly feeling dizzy Id love to not_ be thirsty any more Ive been a long time without water Can you help me Looking in_ the direction of the snake hoping to see where the voice was coming from this time he is shocked to see the snake rear back open its mouth and_ speak He hears it say as the dizziness overtakes him and_ he falls forward face first on the stone Very well Coming up A piercing pain shoots through his shoulder Suddenly he is awake He sits up and_ grabs his shoulder wincing at the throbbing pain Hes momentarily disoriented as he looks around and_ then_ he remembers the crawl across the sand the dark area of stone the snake He sees the snake still wrapped around the tilted white post still looking at him He reaches up and_ feels his shoulder where it hurts It feels slightly wet He pulls his fingers away and_ looks at them blood He feels his shoulder again his shirt has what feels like two holes in_ it two puncture holes they match up with the two aching spots of pain on his shoulder He had been bitten By the snake Itll feel better in_ a minute He looks up its the snake talking He hadnt dreamed it Suddenly he notices hes not_ dizzy any more And more importantly hes not_ thirsty any more at all Have I died Is this the afterlife Why are you biting me in_ the afterlife Sorry about that but I had to bite you says the snake Thats the way I work It all comes through the bite Think of it as natural medicine You bit me to help me Why arent I thirsty any more Did you give me a drink before you bit me How did I drink enough while_ unconscious to not_ be thirsty any more I havent had a drink for_ over two days Well except for_ the windshield wiper fluid hold it how in_ the world does a snake talk Are you real Are you some sort of Disney animation No says the snake Im real As real as you or_ anyone is anyway I didnt give you a drink I bit you Thats how it works its what I do_ I bite I dont have hands to give you a drink even if_ I had water just sitting around here The man sat stunned for_ a minute Here he was sitting in_ the middle of the desert on some strange stone that should be hot but wasnt talking to a snake that could talk back and_ had just bitten him And he felt better Not great he was still starving and_ exhausted but much better he was no longer thirsty He had started to sweat again but only slightly He felt hot in_ this sun but it was starting to get lower in_ the sky and_ the cool stone beneath him was a relief he could notice now that he was no longer dying of thirst I might suggest that we take care of that methanol you now have in_ your system with the next_ request continued the snake I can guess why you drank it but Im not_ sure how much you drank or_ how much methanol was left in_ the wiper fluid That stuff is nasty Itll make you go blind in_ a day or_ two if_ you drank enough of it Ummm nnext request said the man He put his hand back on his hurting shoulder and_ backed away from the snake a little Thats the way it works If you like that is explained the snake You get three requests Call them wishes if_ you wish The snake grinned at his own joke and_ the man drew back a little further from the show of fangs But there are rules the snake continued The first request is free The second requires an agreement of secrecy The third requires the binding of responsibility The snake looks at the man seriously By the way the snake says suddenly my name is Nathan Old Nathan Samuel used to call me He gave me the name Before that most of the Bound used to just call me Snake But that got old and_ Samuel wouldnt stand for_ it He said that anything that could talk needed a name He was big into names You can call me Nate if_ you wish Again the snake grinned Sorry if_ I dont offer to shake but I think you can understand my shake sounds somewhat threatening The snake give his rattle a little shake Umm my name is Jack said the man trying to absorb all of this Jack Samson Can I ask you a question Jack says suddenly What happened to the poisonumm in_ your bite Why arent I dying now How did you do_ that What do_ you mean by thats how you work Thats more than one question grins Nate But Ill still try to answer all of them First yes you can ask me a question The snakes grin gets wider Second the poison is in_ you It changed you You now no longer need to drink Thats what you asked for_ Or well technically you asked to not_ be thirsty any more but any more is such a vague term I decided to make it permanent now as long as you live you shouldnt need to drink much at all Your body will conserve water very efficiently You should be able to get enough just from the food you eat much like a creature of the desert Youve been changed For the third question Nate continues you are still dying Besides the effects of that methanol in_ your system youre a man and_ men are mortal In your current state I give you no more than about another some years Assuming you get out of this desert alive that is Nate seemed vastly amused at his own humor and_ continued his wide grin As for_ the fourth question Nate said looking more serious as far as Jack could tell as Jack was just now working on his ability to read talkingsnake emotions from snake facial features first you have to agree to make a second request and_ become bound by the secrecy or_ I cant tell you Wait joked Jack isnt this where you say you could tell me but youd have to kill me I thought that was implied Nate continued to look serious Ummmyeah Jack leaned back a little as he remembered again that he was talking to a fifteen foot poisonous reptile with a reputation for_ having a nasty temper So what is this Bound by Secrecy stuff and_ can you really stop the effects of the methanol Jack thought for_ a second And what do_ you mean methanol anyway I thought these days they use ethanol in_ wiper fluid and_ just denature it They may I dont really know said Nate I havent gotten out in_ a while_ Maybe they do_ All I know is that I smell methanol on your breath and_ on that bottle in_ your pocket And the blue color of the liquid when_ you pulled it out to drink some let me guess that it was wiper fluid I assume that they still color wiper fluid blue Yeah they do_ said Jack I figured replied Nate As for_ being bound by secrecy with the fulfillment of your next_ request you will be bound to say nothing about me this place or_ any of the information I will tell you after that when_ you decide to go back out to your kind You wont be allowed to talk about me write about me use sign language charades or_ even act in_ a way that will lead someone to guess correctly about me Youll be bound to secrecy Of course Ill also ask you to promise not_ to give me away and_ as Im guessing that youre a man of your word youll never test the binding anyway so you wont notice Nate said the last part with utter confidence Jack who had always prided himself on being a man of his word felt a little nervous at this Ummm hey Nate who are you How did you know that Are you umm omniscient or_ something Well Jack said Nate sadly I cant tell you that unless_ you make the second request Nate looked away for_ a minute then_ looked back Umm well ok said Jack what is this about a second request What can I ask for_ Are you allowed to tell me that Sure said Nate brightening Youre allowed to ask for_ changes Changes to yourself Theyre like wishes but they can only affect you Oh and_ before you ask I cant give you immortality Or omniscience Or omnipresence for_ that matter Though I might be able to make you gaseous and_ yet remain alive and_ then_ you could spread through the atmosphere and_ sort of be omnipresent But what good would that be you still wouldnt be omniscient and_ thus still could only focus on one thing at a time Not very useful at least in_ my opinion Nate stopped when_ he realized that Jack was staring at him Well anyway continued Nate Id probably suggest giving you permanent good health It would negate the methanol now in_ your system youd be immune to most poisons and_ diseases and_ youd tend to live a very long time barring accident of course And youll even have a tendency to recover from accidents well It always seemed like a good choice for_ a request to me Cure the methanol poisoning huh said Jack And keep me healthy for_ a long time Hmmm It doesnt sound bad at that And it has to be a request about a change to me I cant ask to be rich right Because thats not_ really a change to me Right nodded Nate Could I ask to be a genius and_ permanently healthy Jack asked hopefully That takes two requests Jack Yeah I figured so said Jack But I could ask to be a genius I could become the smartest scientist in_ the world Or the best athlete Well I could make you very smart admitted Nate but that wouldnt necessarily make you the best scientist in_ the world Or I could make you very athletic but it wouldnt necessarily make you the best athlete either Youve heard the saying that some of genius is hard work Well theres some truth to that I can give you the talent but I cant make you work hard It all depends on what you decide to do_ with it Hmmm said Jack Ok I think I understand And I get a third request after this one Maybe said Nate it depends on what you decide then_ There are more rules for_ the third request that I can only tell you about after the second request You know how it goes Nate looked like hed shrug if_ he had shoulders Ok well since Id rather not_ be blind in_ a day or_ two and_ permanent health doesnt sound bad then_ consider that my second request Officially Do I need to sign in_ blood or_ something No said Nate Just hold out your hand Or heel Nate grinned Or whatever part you want me to bite I have to bite you again Like I said thats how it works the poison you know Nate said apologetically Jack winced a little and_ felt his shoulder where the last bite was Hey it didnt hurt any more Just like Nate had said That made Jack feel better about the biting business But still standing still while_ a fifteen foot snake sunk its fangs into you Jack stood up Ignoring how good it felt to be able to stand again and_ the hunger starting to gnaw at his stomach Jack tried to decide where he wanted to get bitten Despite knowing that it wouldnt hurt for_ long Jack knew that this wasnt going to be easy Hey Jack Nate suddenly said looking past Jack towards the dunes behind him is that someone else_ coming up over there Jack spun around and_ looked Who else_ could be out here in_ the middle of nowhere And did they bring food Wait a minute there was nobody over there What was Nate Jack let out a bellow as he felt two fangs sink into his rear end_ through his jeans Jack sat down carefully favoring his more tender buttock I would have decided eventually Nate I was just thinking about it You didnt have to hoodwink me like that Ive been doing this a long time Jack said Nate confidently You humans have a hard time sitting still and_ letting a snake bite you especially one my size And besides admit it its only been a couple of minutes and_ it already doesnt hurt any more does it Thats because of the health benefit with this one I told you that youd heal quickly now Yeah well still said Jack its the principle of the thing And nobody likes being bitten in_ the butt Couldnt you have gotten my calf or_ something instead More meat in_ the typical human butt replied Nate And less chance you accidentally kick me or_ move at the last second Yeah right So tell me all of these wonderful secrets that I now qualify to hear answered Jack Ok said Nate Do you want to ask questions first or_ do_ you want me to just start talking Just talk said Jack Ill sit here and_ try to not_ think about food We could go try to rustle up some food for_ you first if_ you like answered Nate Hey You didnt tell me you had food around here Nate Jack jumped up What do_ we have Am I in_ walking distance to town Or can you magically whip up food along with your other powers Jack was almost shouting with excitement His stomach had been growling for_ hours I was thinking more like I could flush something out of its hole and_ bite it for_ you and_ you could skin it and_ eat it Assuming you have a knife that is replied Nate with the grin that Jack was starting to get used to Ugh said Jack sitting back down I think Ill pass I can last a little longer before I get desperate enough to eat desert rat or_ whatever else_ it is you find out here And theres nothing to burn Id have to eat it raw No thanks Just talk Ok replied Nate still grinning But Id better hurry before you start looking at me as food Nate reared back a little looked around for_ a second and_ then_ continued You Jack are sitting in_ the middle of the Garden of Eden Jack looked around at the sand and_ dunes and_ then_ looked back at Nate sceptically Well thats the best I can figure it anyway Jack said Nate Stand up and_ look at the symbol on the rock here Nate gestured around the dark stone they were both sitting on with his nose Jack stood up and_ looked Carved into the stone in_ a basrelief was a representation of a large tree The angledpole that Nate was wrapped around was coming out of the trunk of the tree right below where the main branches left the truck to reach out across the stone It was very well done it looked more like a tree had been reduced to almost two dimensions and_ embedded in_ the stone than it did like a carving Jack walked around and_ looked at the details in_ the fading light of the setting sun He wished hed looked at it while_ the sun was higher in_ the sky Wait The sun was setting That meant he was going to have to spend another night out here Arrrgh Jack looked out across the desert for_ a little bit and_ then_ came back and_ stood next_ to Nate In all the excitement I almost forgot Nate said Jack Which way is it back to town And how far Im eventually going to have to head back Im not_ sure Ill be able to survive by eating raw desert critters for_ long And even if_ I can Im not_ sure Ill want to Its about some miles that way Nate pointed with the rattle on his tail this time As far as Jack could tell it was a direction at right angles to the way hed been going when_ he was crawling here But thats some miles by the way the crow flies Its about some by the way a man walks You should be able to do_ it in_ about half a day with your improved endurance if_ you head out early tomorrow Jack Jack looked out the way the snake had pointed for_ a few seconds more and_ then_ sat back down It was getting dark Not much he could do_ about heading out right now And besides Nate was just about to get to the interesting stuff Garden of Eden As best as you can figure it Well yeah as best as I and_ Samuel could figure it anyway said Nate He figured that the story just got a little mixed up You know snake in_ a tree offering temptations making bargains That kind stuff But he could never quite figure out how the Hebrews found out about this spot from across the ocean He worried about that for_ a while_ Garden of Eden hunh said Jack How long have you been here Nate No idea really replied Nate A long time It never occurred to me to count years until_ recently and_ by then_ of course it was too late But I do_ remember when_ this whole place was green so I figure its been thousands of years at least So are you the snake that tempted Eve said Jack Beats me said Nate Maybe I cant remember if_ the first one of your kind that I talked to was female or_ not_ and_ I never got a name but it could have been And I suppose she could have considered my offer to grant requests a temptation though Ive rarely had refusals Well umm how did you get here then_ And why is that white pole stuck out of the stone there asked Jack Dad left me here Or I assume it was my dad It was another snake much bigger than I was back then_ I remember talking to him but I dont remember if_ it was in_ a language or_ just kind of understanding what he wanted But one day he brought me to this stone told me about it and_ asked me to do_ something for_ him I talked it over with him for_ a while_ then_ agreed Ive been here ever since What is this place said Jack And what did he ask you to do_ Well you see this pole here sticking out of the stone Nate loosened his coils around the tilted white pole and_ showed Jack where it descended into the stone The pole was tilted at about a some degree angle and_ seemed to enter the stone in_ an eighteen inch slot cut into the stone Jack leaned over and_ looked The slot was dark and_ the pole went down into it as far as Jack could see in_ the dim light Jack reached out to touch the pole but Nate was suddenly there in_ the way You cant touch that yet Jack said Nate Why not_ asked Jack I havent explained it to you yet replied Nate Well it kinda looks like a lever or_ something said Jack Youd push it that way and_ it would move in_ the slot Yep thats what it is replied Nate What does it do_ asked Jack End the world Oh no said Nate Nothing that drastic It just ends humanity I call it The Lever of Doom For the last few words Nate had used a deeper ringing voice He tried to look serious for_ a few seconds and_ then_ gave up and_ grinned Jack was initially startled by Nates pronouncement but when_ Nate grinned Jack laughed Ha You almost had me fooled for_ a second there What does it really do_ Oh it really ends humanity like I said smirked Nate I just thought the voice I used was funny didnt you Nate continued to grin A lever to end_ humanity asked Jack What in_ the world is that for_ Why would anyone need to end_ humanity Well replied Nate I get the idea that maybe humanity was an experiment Or maybe the Big Guy just thought that if_ humanity started going really bad there should be a way to end_ it Im not_ really sure All I know are the rules and_ the guesses that Samuel and_ I had about why its here I didnt think to ask back when_ I started here Rules What rules asked Jack The rules are that I cant tell anybody about it or_ let them touch it unless_ they agree to be bound to secrecy by a bite And that only one human can be bound in_ that way at a time Thats it explained Nate Jack looked somewhat shocked You mean that I could pull the lever now Youd let me end_ humanity Yep replied Nate if_ you want to Nate looked at Jack carefully Do you want to Jack Umm no said Jack stepping a little further back from the lever Why in_ the world would anyone want to end_ humanity Itd take a psychotic to want that Or worse a suicidal psychotic because it would kill him too wouldnt it Yep replied Nate being as hed be human too Has anyone ever seriously considered it asked Nate Any of those bound to secrecy that is Well of course I think theyve all seriously considered it at one time or_ another Being given that kind of responsibility makes you sit down and_ think or_ so Im told Samuel considered it several times Hed often get disgusted with humanity come out here and_ just hold the lever for_ a while_ But he never pulled it Or you wouldnt be here Nate grinned some more Jack sat down well back from the lever He looked thoughtful and_ puzzled at the same time After a bit he said So this makes me the Judge of humanity I get to decide whether they keep going or_ just end_ Me That seems to be it agreed Nate What kind of criteria do_ I use to decide said Jack How do_ I make this decision Am I supposed to decide if_ theyre good Or too many of them are bad Or that theyre going the wrong way Is there a set of rules for_ that Nope replied Nate You pretty much just have to decide on your own Its up to you however you want to decide it I guess that youre just supposed to know But what if_ I get mad at someone Or some girl dumps me and_ I feel horrible Couldnt I make a mistake How do_ I know that I wont screw up protested Jack Nate gave his kind of snakelike shrug again You dont You just have to try your best Jack Jack sat there for_ a while_ staring off into the desert that was rapidly getting dark chewing on a fingernail Suddenly Jack turned around and_ looked at the snake Nate was Samuel the one bound to this before me Yep replied Nate He was a good guy Talked to me a lot Taught me to read and_ brought me books I think I still have a good pile of them buried in_ the sand around here somewhere I still miss him He died a few months ago Sounds like a good guy agreed Jack How did he handle this when_ you first told him What did he do_ Well said Nate he sat down for_ a while_ thought about it for_ a bit and_ then_ asked me some questions much like youre doing What did he ask you if_ youre allowed to tell me asked Jack He asked me about the third request replied Nate Aha It was Jacks turn to grin And what did you tell him I told him the rules for_ the third request That to get the third request you have to agree to this whole thing That if_ it ever comes to the point that you really think that humanity should be ended that youll come here and_ end_ it You wont avoid it and_ you wont wimp out Nate looked serious again And youll be bound to do_ it too Jack Hmmm Jack looked back out into the darkness for_ a while_ Nate watched him waiting Nate continued Jack quietly eventually What did Samuel ask for_ with his third request Nate sounded like he was grinning again as he replied also quietly Wisdom Jack He asked for_ wisdom As much as I could give him Ok said Jack suddenly standing up and_ facing away from Nate give it to me Nate looked at Jacks backside Give you what Jack Give me that wisdom The same stuff that Samuel asked for_ If it helped him maybe itll help me too Jack turned his head to look back over his shoulder at Nate It did help him right He said it did replied Nate But he seemed a little quieter afterward Like he had a lot to think about Well yeah I can see that said Jack So give it to me Jack turned to face away from Nate again bent over slightly and_ tensed up Nate watched Jack tense up with a little exasperation If he bit Jack now Jack would likely jump out of his skin and_ maybe hurt them both You remember that youll be bound to destroy humanity if_ it ever looks like it needs it right Jack asked Nate shifting position Yeah yeah I got that replied Jack eyes squeezed tightly shut and_ body tense not_ noticing the change in_ direction of Nates voice And continued Nate from his new position do_ you remember that youll turn bright purple and_ grow big horns and_ extra eyes Yeah yeahHey wait a minute said Jack opening his eyes straightening up and_ turning around Purple He didnt see Nate there With the moonlight Jack could see that the lever extended up from its slot in_ the rock without the snake wrapped around it Jack heard from behind him Nates Just Kidding right before he felt the now familiar piercing pain this time in_ the other buttock Jack sat on the edge of the dark stone in_ the rapidly cooling air his feet extending out into the sand He stared out into the darkness listening to the wind stir the sand occasionally rubbing his butt where hed been recently bitten Nate had left for_ a little while_ had come back with a desertrodentshaped bulge somewhere in_ his middle and_ was now wrapped back around the lever his tongue flicking out into the desert nights air the only sign that he was still awake Occasionally Jack with his toes absentmindedly digging in_ the sand while_ he thought would ask Nate a question without turning around Nate do_ accidents count Nate lifted his head a little bit What do_ you mean Jack Jack tilted his head back like he was looking at the stars You know accidents If I accidentally fall on the lever without meaning to does that still wipe out humanity Yeah Im pretty sure it does Jack Id suggest you be careful about that if_ you start feeling wobbly said Nate with some amusement A little later Does it have to be me that pulls the lever asked Jack Thats the rule Jack Nobody else_ can pull it answered Nate No Jack shook his head I meant does it have to be my hand Could I pull the lever with a rope tied around it Or push it with a stick Or throw a rock Yes those should work replied Nate Though Im not_ sure how complicated you could get Samuel thought about trying to build some kind of remote control for_ it once but gave it up Everything hed build would be gone by the next_ sunrise if_ it was touching the stone or_ over it I told him that in_ the past others that had been bound had tried to bury the lever so they wouldnt be tempted to pull it but every time the stones or_ sand or_ whatever had disappeared Wow said Jack Cool Jack leaned back until_ only his elbows kept him off of the stone and_ looked up into the sky Nate how long did Samuel live One of his wishes was for_ health too right asked Jack Yes replied Nate it was He lived some years Jack Wow some years Thats almost some more years Ill live if_ I live as long Do you know what he died of Nate He died of getting tired of living Jack Nate said sounding somewhat sad Jack turned his head to look at Nate in_ the starlight Nate looked back Samuel knew he wasnt going to be able to stay in_ society He figured that theyd eventually see him still alive and_ start questioning it so he decided that hed have to disappear after a while_ He faked his death once but changed his mind he decided it was too early and_ he could stay for_ a little longer He wasnt very fond of mankind but he liked the attention Most of the time anyway His daughter and_ then_ his wife dying almost did him in_ though He didnt stay in_ society much longer after that He eventually came out here to spend time talking to me and_ thinking about pulling the lever A few months ago he told me hed had enough It was his time And then_ he just died asked Jack Nate shook his head a little He made his forth request Jack Theres only one thing you can ask for_ the fourth request The last bite After a bit Nate continued He told me that he was tired that it was his time He reassured me that someone new would show up soon like they always had After another pause Nate finished Samuels body disappeared off the stone with the sunrise Jack lay back down and_ looked at the sky leaving Nate alone with his memories It was a long time until_ Jacks breathing evened out into sleep Jack woke with the sunrise the next_ morning He was a little chilled with the morning desert air but overall was feeling pretty good Well except that his stomach was grumbling and_ he wasnt willing to eat raw desert rat So after getting directions to town from Nate making sure he knew how to get back and_ reassuring Nate that hed be back soon Jack started the long walk back to town With his new health and_ Nates good directions he made it back easily Jack caught a bus back to the city and_ showed up for_ work the next_ day little worse for_ the wear and_ with a story about getting lost in_ the desert and_ walking back out Within a couple of days Jack had talked a friend with a tow truck into going back out into the desert with him to fetch the SUV They found it after a couple of hours of searching and_ towed it back without incident Jack was careful not_ to even look in_ the direction of Nates lever though their path back didnt come within sight of it Before the next_ weekend Jack had gone to a couple of stores including a book store and_ had gotten his SUV back from the mechanic with a warning to avoid any more joyriding in_ the desert On Saturday Jack headed back to see Nate Jack parked a little way out of the small town near Nate loaded up his new backpack with camping gear and_ the things he was bringing for_ Nate and_ then_ started walking He figured that walking would leave the least trail and_ he knew that while_ not_ many people camped in_ the desert it wasnt unheard of and_ shouldnt really raise suspicions Jack had brought more books for_ Nate recent books magazines newspapers Some things that would catch Nate up with what was happening in_ the world others that were just good books to read He spent the weekend with Nate and_ then_ headed out again telling Nate that hed be back again soon but that he had things to do_ first Over four months later Jack was back to see Nate again This time he brought a laptop with him a specially modified laptop It had a solar recharger special filters and_ seals to keep out the sand a satellite linkup and_ a special keyboard and_ joystick that Jack hoped that a fifteenfoot rattlesnake would be able to use And it had been hacked to not_ give out its location to the satellite After that Jack could email Nate to keep in_ touch but still visited him fairly regularly at least once or_ twice a year After the first year Jack quit his job For some reason with the wisdom he d been given and_ the knowledge that he could live for_ over some years working in_ a nine to five job for_ someone else_ didnt seem that worthwhile any more Jack went back to school Eventually Jack started writing Perhaps because of the wisdom or_ perhaps because of his new perspective he wrote well People liked what he wrote and_ he became well known for_ it After a time Jack bought an RV and_ started traveling around the country for_ book signings and_ readings But he still remembered to drop by and_ visit Nate occasionally On one of the visits Nate seemed quieter than usual Not that Nate had been a fountain of joy lately Jacks best guess was that Nate was still missing Samuel and_ though Jack had tried he still hadnt been able to replace Samuel in_ Nates eyes Nate had been getting quieter each visit But on this visit Nate didnt even speak when_ Jack walked up to the lever He nodded at Jack and_ then_ went back to staring into the desert Jack respecting Nates silence sat down and_ waited After a few minutes Nate spoke Jack I have someone to introduce you to Jack looked surprised Someone to introduce me to Jack looked around and_ then_ looked carefully back at Nate This something to do_ with the Big Guy No no replied Nate This is more personal I want you to meet my son Nate looked over at the nearest sand dune Sammy Jack watched as a four foot long desert rattlesnake crawled from behind the dune and_ up to the stone base of the lever Yo Jack said the new much smaller snake Yo Sammy replied Jack Jack looked at Nate Named after Samuel I assume Nate nodded Jack Ive got a favor to ask you Could you show Sammy around for_ me Nate unwrapped himself from the lever and_ slithered over to the edge of the stone and_ looked across the sands When Samuel first told me about the world and_ brought me books and_ pictures I wished that I could go see it I wanted to see the great forests the canyons the cities even the other deserts to see if_ they felt and_ smelled the same I want my son to have that chance to see the world Before he becomes bound here like I have been Hes seen it in_ pictures over the computer that you brought me But I hear that its not_ the same That being there is different I want him to have that Think you can do_ that for_ me Jack Jack nodded This was obviously very important to Nate so Jack didnt even joke about taking a talking rattlesnake out to see the world Yeah I can do_ that for_ you Nate Is that all you need Jack could sense that was something more Nate looked at Sammy Sammy looked back at Nate for_ a second and_ then_ said Oh yeah Ummm Ive gotta go pack Back in_ a little bit Jack Nice to meet ya Sammy slithered back over the dune and_ out of sight Nate watched Sammy disappear and_ then_ looked back at Jack Jack this is my first son My first offspring through all the years You dont even want to know what it took for_ me to find a mate Nate grinned to himself But anyway I had a son for_ a reason Im tired Im ready for_ it to be over I needed a replacement Jack considered this for_ a minute So youre ready to come see the world and_ you wanted him to watch the lever while_ you were gone Nate shook his head No Jack youre a better guesser than that Youve already figured out Im bound here theres only one way for_ me to leave here And Im ready Its my time to die Jack looked more closely at Nate He could tell Nate had thought about this probably for_ quite a while_ Jack had trouble imagining what it would be like to be as old as Nate but Jack could already tell that in_ another hundred or_ two hundred years he might be getting tired of life himself Jack could understand Samuels decision and_ now Nates So all Jack said was What do_ you want me to do_ Nate nodded Thanks Jack I only want two things One show Sammy around the world let him get his fill of it until_ hes ready to come back here and_ take over Two give me the fourth request I cant just decide to die not_ any more than you can I wont even die of old age like you eventually will even though itll be a long time from now I need to be killed Once Sammy is back here ready to take over Ill be able to die And I need you to kill me Ive even thought about how Poisons and_ other drugs wont work on me And Ive seen pictures of snakes that were shot some of them live for_ days so thats out too So I want you to bring back a sword Nate turned away to look back to the dune that Sammy had gone behind Id say an axe but thats somewhat undignified putting my head on the ground or_ a chopping block like that No I like a sword A timehonored way of going out A dignified way to die And most importantly it should work even on me You willing to do_ that for_ me Jack Nate turned back to look at Jack Yeah Nate replied Jack solemnly I think I can handle that Nate nodded Good He turned back toward the dune and_ shouted Sammy Jacks about ready to leave Then quietly Thanks Jack Jack didnt have anything to say to that so he waited for_ Sammy to make it back to the lever nodded to him nodded a final time to Nate and_ then_ headed into the desert with Sammy following Over the next_ several years Sammy and_ Jack kept in_ touch with Nate through email as they went about their adventures They made a goal of visiting every country in_ the world and_ did a respectable job of it Sammy had a natural gift for_ languages as Jack expected he would and_ even ended up acting as a translator for_ Jack in_ a few of the countries Jack managed to keep the talking rattlesnake hidden even so and_ by the time they were nearing the end_ of their tour of countries Sammy had only been spotted a few times While there were several people that had seen enough to startle them greatly nobody had enough evidence to prove anything and_ while_ a few wild rumors and_ storied followed Jack and_ Sammy around nothing ever hit the newspapers or_ the public in_ general When they finished the tour of countries Jack suggested that they try some undersea diving They did And spelunking They did that too Sammy finally drew the line at visiting Antarctica Hed come to realize that Jack was stalling After talking to his Dad about it over email he figured out that Jack probably didnt want to have to kill Nate Nate told Sammy that humans could be squeamish about killing friends and_ acquaintances So Sammy eventually put his tail down as he didnt have a foot and_ told Jack that it was time he was ready to go back and_ take up his duties from his dad Jack delayed it a little more by insisting that they go back to Japan and_ buy an appropriate sword He even stretched it a little more by getting lessons in_ how to use the sword But eventually hed learned as much as he was likely to without dedicating his life to it and_ was definitely competent enough to take the head off of a snake It was time to head back and_ see Nate When they got back to the US Jack got the old RV out of storage where he and_ Sammy had left it after their tour of the fifty states he loaded up Sammy and_ the sword and_ they headed for_ the desert When they got to the small town that Jack had been trying to find those years ago when_ hed met Nate Jack was in_ a funk He didnt really feel like walking all of the way out there Not only that but hed forgotten to figure the travel time correctly and_ it was late afternoon Theyd either have to spend the night in_ town and_ walk out tomorrow or_ walk in_ the dark As Jack was afraid that if_ he waited one more night he might lose his resolve he decided that hed go ahead and_ drive the RV out there It was only going to be this once and_ Jack would go back and_ cover the tracks afterward They ought to be able to make it out there by nightfall if_ they drove and_ then_ they could get it over tonight Jack told Sammy to email Nate that they were coming as he drove out of sight of the town on the road They then_ pulled off the road and_ headed out into the desert Everything went well until_ they got to the sand dunes Jack had been nursing the RV along the whole time over the rocks through the creek beds revving the engine the few times they almost got stuck When they came to the dunes Jack didnt really think about it he just downshifted and_ headed up the first one By the third dune Jack started to regret that hed decided to try driving on the sand The RV was fishtailling and_ losing traction Jack was having to work it up each dune slowly and_ was trying to keep from losing control each time they came over the top and_ slid down the other side Sammy had come up to sit in_ the passenger seat coiled up and_ laughing at Jacks driving As they came over the top of the fourth dune the biggest one yet Jack saw that this was the final dune the stone the lever and_ somewhere Nate waited below Jack put on the brakes but hed gone a little too far The RV started slipping down the other side Jack tried turning the wheel but he didnt have enough traction He pumped the brakes no response They started sliding down the hill faster and_ faster Jack felt a shock go through him as he suddenly realized that they were heading for_ the lever He looked down the RV was directly on course for_ it If Jack didnt do_ something the RV would hit it He was about to end_ humanity Jack steered more frantically trying to get traction It still wasnt working The dune was too steep and_ the sand too loose In a split second Jack realized that his only chance would be once he hit the stone around the lever he should have traction on the stone for_ just a second before he hit the lever he wouldnt have time to stop but he should be able to steer away Jack took a better grip on the steering wheel and_ tried to turn the RV a little bit every little bit would help Hed have to time his turn just right The RV got to the bottom of the dune sliding at an amazing speed in_ the sand Just before they reached the stone Jack looked across it to check that they were still heading for_ the lever They were But Jack noticed something else_ that he hadnt seen from the top of the dune Nate wasnt wrapped around the lever He was off to the side of the lever but still on the stone waiting for_ them The problem was he was waiting on the same side of the lever that Jack had picked to steer towards to avoid the lever The RV was already starting to drift that way a little in_ its mad rush across the sand and_ there was no way that Jack was going to be able to go around the lever to the other side Jack had an instant of realization He was either going to have to hit the lever or_ run over Nate He glanced over at Sammy and_ saw that Sammy realized the same thing Jack took a firmer grip on the steering wheel as the RV ran up on the stone Shouting to Sammy as he pulled the steering wheel BETTER NATE THAN LEVER he ran over the snake rescue SystemStackError;end