Line 14
>already prepared
if the dinner is waiting for him, it should be a given that it is already prepared

Line 18
>when I called him [preposition] and telling him

Line 22
>You're going to need BURN HEAL.
I can see Hanako having a sarcastic side as being indicative of her being more comfortable with herself, yeah, but it doesn't really seem Hanako-ish. The Hanako we always see is modest and polite (and sometimes bitter, but not sarcastic), and while I wouldn't classify this alone as some kind of outrageous infraction, you'd do well to not go overboard in the future.

Line 26
>who would have no time with connections
This seems to be setting itself up as saying the others are social and have connections whereas Hanako is not, but is this the correct way to say that? I don't know; it tripped me up pretty hard as I read it. Maybe "no problem with connections"?

Line 32
>making fun of me
This is something I have never seen happen at a college campus. Ever. I think it would be better to just leave it at the staring, possibly even twisted a way to make Hanako believe she's the one at fault for overreacting instead of them.

Lines 40 to 44
Okay well, it looks like you went and did that, but it seems a little metacognitive. I was thinking about Hanako cursing herself for flipping out instead of some calm assessment.

Line 46
>depression
Seems a little overdramatic. You might also end up alienating people who suffer from clinical depression.
>the sound of keys turning
Keys don't make a sound when they turn. Locks do. Keys jingle though. And so do spurs. Spurs also jangle. As I goooooo right meeeeerrily alooooong.

I'm writing this down now before I forget. It looks like I always end up finding more things I would change in the exposition rather than the action. Is that your fault or mine? I'll have to figure that out later.

Line 116
Now you've got me really contemplating your characterization thus far. Earlier you spoke of breakdowns and truancy, and now you're speaking of Hanako exposing herself in a swimsuit. I guess we could assume that nobody else is present, given the mention of fucking on the beach. But if so, it sends the message that she's only ever comfortable with the hero, and sort of places emphasis on how he's the HERO with the VALOR and the CHARISMA and the SHINING ARMOR and you might see where I'm going with this. It's like he's Fix-It-Felix Jr. as opposed to her being able to fix herself.

Line 128

I think everything after the quotes should be a separate line.
Line 134
>I squint my eyes
But Asians are always doing that

Also the words "smile" and "laugh" and their synonyms are showing up quite often. Maybe consider writing in a way where was can just assume they're omnipresent instead of being reminded all the time.